Original subtitles

GUYS, GET OUT HERE.

YEAH, MOM?

WHEN I LEFT, THERE WAS A ROOM UNDER THIS MESS.

I'D LIKE IT BACK.

START CLEANING.

NEXT THING YOU KNOW, SHE'S GONNA MAKE ME TAKE A BATH.

AAAHHH!

[LAUGHS]

GOTCHA!

NO. GOT YOU.

CODY...

WHY ARE YOU CLEANING THE CARPET

WITH YOUR BROTHER'S FACE?

ALTHOUGH, IF IT GETS THE STAIN OUT...

MOMMY,

ZACH SCARED ME AGAIN.

ZACH, YOU KNOW THAT CODY IS...

SENSITIVE.

WHY DO YOU TRY TO SCARE HIM?

IT'S MY JOB.

WELL, YOU'RE FIRED. CLEAN THE ROOM.

♪ HERE I AM IN YOUR LIFE ♪

♪ HERE YOU ARE IN MINE ♪

♪ YES, WE HAVE A SUITE LIFE ♪

♪ MOST OF THE TIME ♪

♪ YOU AND ME GOT THE WORLD TO SEE ♪

♪ SO COME ON DOWN ♪

♪ JUST ME AND YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO ♪

♪ SO COME ON DOWN ♪

♪ IT'S YOU AND ME AND ME AND YOU ♪

♪ WE GOT THE WHOLE PLACE TO OURSELVES ♪

♪ YOU AND ME, WE GOT IT ALL FOR FREE ♪

♪ SO COME ON DOWN ♪

♪ THIS IS THE SUITE LIFE ♪

♪ WE'VE GOT A SUITE LIFE ♪

HEY, GUYS, WATCH THIS.

[GASSY NOISE]

[GASSY NOISE]

NO.

OH, NO. THAT WAS NOT ME.

[GASSY NOISE]

ESTEBAN, YOU MAY EXCUSE YOURSELF.

[GASSY NOISE]

QUICKLY, PLEASE!

WE WILL DISCUSS YOUR DIETARY HABITS LATER.

OH, MR. MOSEBY, THE GASSY NOISE IS NOT ME.

[GASSY NOISE]

LEAVE. OK!

[GASSY NOISES]

ZACH, I'M A LITTLE TIRED OF YOUR IMPRACTICAL JOKES.

SORRY.

[GASSY NOISE]

[GIGGLES] [GIGGLES]

MAN, THAT WAS AWESOME.

ALMOST AS FUNNY AS THIS MORNING

WHEN CODY GOT SO SCARED.

I WASN'T SCARED.

YOU WERE WHITE AS A SHEET.

[GASPS] DON'T TELL ME YOU SAW THE GHOST

IN SUITE 613.

THERE'S A GHOST IN THE HOTEL?

YEAH. COOL!

LET'S GO SEE IT.

UH, MAYBE LATER.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

AFRAID?

NO, I JUST HAD LUNCH. AND...

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WAIT AN HOUR

BEFORE YOU DIVE INTO THE SUPERNATURAL.

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS GHOSTS.

WRONG, AS USUAL.

I'VE SEEN THIS GHOST.

IT WAS SO SCARY,

I DROPPED MY NEW PURSE...

AND LEFT IT THERE.

WITH MONEY IN IT?

OH, JUST THE REGULAR $1,000 BILL EVERY KID GETS FOR AN ALLOWANCE.

HEY!

'JUST 'CAUSE I DON'T NEED IT

DOESN'T MEAN IT'S NOT MINE!

HEY, WATCH IT!

I GOT 3 CLOCK RADIOS AND A DVD PLAYER HIDDEN IN HERE!

MURIEL, WHERE IS SUITE 613?

OVER THERE.

BUT IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE,

DON'T GO IN THERE.

LET'S GO IN!

UNH! LET'S NOT!

ON SECOND THOUGHT, HERE'S THE KEY.

TOLD YOU THERE WAS A GHOST.

HER NAME WAS IRENE,

AND SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL AND RICH.

OOH, THINK ME...

WITH LESS MONEY...

AND PROBABLY NOT AS PRETTY...

AND DEAD.

AS I WAS SAYING,

IN 1942,

IRENE AND HER HUSBAND CHECKED IN ON THEIR HONEYMOON NIGHT

AND THE NEXT DAY...

HE WENT OFF TO WAR.

SHE WAITED 3 YEARS. BUT HE NEVER CAME BACK.

SO HE DIED IN BATTLE?

OH, NO. HE--

HE MET SOME ITALIAN BABE

AND OPENED UP A PIZZA PARLOR IN NAPLES.

[COUGHS] IRENE WAS SO ANGRY,

SHE THREW THE SILVER HAIRBRUSH

HE HAD GIVEN HER AT THE MIRROR.

AND THE MIRROR SHATTERED,

AND A SHARD FLEW OUT,

AND THAT WAS THE END OF THAT.

GOOD LUCK.

COME ON!

AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!

OH, OH, SORRY. LEG CRAMP.

ARWIN...

WHY ARE YOU WALKING AROUND THE HOTEL

WEARING A WELDING MASK?

IT GIVES ME AN AIR OF MYSTERY.

[IMITATES DARTH VADER] THE FORCE IS STRONG WITH THIS ONE.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE GHOST?

SADLY, NO. BUT...

I HAVE SEEN MURIEL IN A HAIR NET.

[SHUDDERS] OOH.

NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

I HAVE SOMETHING REALLY SCARY TO DEAL WITH...

THE TOILET IN 620.

[GASPS]

COMING, MOTHER!

I CAN'T GET IT OPEN.

WHAT A SHAME. LET'S GO.

[GASPS] IT'S THE GHOST!

NO!

NO!

STOP!

AAH!

IT IS NOT. WE OBVIOUSLY LOOSENED THE LOCK,

AND THE WIND OPENED IT UP.

[CREAKS]

Zach: WOW.

IS THAT HER?

YEAH. THAT'S THE GHOST OF SUITE 613.

[GASPS] CHECK OUT THE BROKEN MIRROR.

CHECK OUT THE GARGOYLES.

CHECK OUT OF THIS ROOM!

CODY, THEY'RE JUST STATUES.

THEY PUT THEM THERE TO WARD OFF EVIL.

EVEN THE GUY WHO DESIGNED THIS HOTEL

KNEW IT WAS HAUNTED.

WAIT. DO YOU HEAR THAT? [CLICKING]

IT'S CODY'S TEETH.

[CLICKING STOPS]

CODY, TRUST ME.

THERE IS NO GHOST HERE CAUSING WEIRD THINGS TO HAPPEN.

[CREAKS]

AAH! AAH!

WELCOME BACK.

THERE IS NO GHOST.

[GASPS] BUT I DO SEE A PURSE.

WHOO HOO!

FINDERS, KEEPERS. LOSERS, WEEPERS.

HAND ME THE LOOT OR YOU GET THE BOOT.

[GASPS] THE GHOST STOLE MY MONEY!

SHE IS SO DEAD.

[FOOTSTEPS]

WHAT'S THAT SOUND?

IT'S A GHOST!

SORRY ABOUT THE WHOLE DEAD THING.

LONDON! SAVE ME!

UNH!

AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!

THANK YOU.

I WILL BILL YOU FOR THE HEARING AID

I NOW REQUIRE.

I COULD HEAR YOU SCREAMING FROM THE LOBBY.

MR. MOSEBY, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE GHOST?

THERE IS NO GHOST. TOLD YOU.

NOW LET'S LEAVE BEFORE SHE GETS ANNOYED.

[GASPS]

AND I'M COMPLETELY ALONE HERE.

TELL US ABOUT THE GHOST

OR WE MIGHT HAVE TO ASK YOU AGAIN...

IN THE LOBBY...

WHEN PEOPLE ARE CHECKING IN.

VERY WELL.

IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.

I HAD JUST STARTED WORKING AT THE TIPTON AS A BELL HOP.

IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT,

AND I WAS WORKING DILIGENTLY.

[YAWNS] OH, MAN.

I GOTTA CATCH ME SOME Z's. OH.

Mr. Moseby, narrating: I HAD HEARD RUMORS ABOUT ROOM 613.

BUT I DIDN'T BELIEVE IN GHOSTS.

UNTIL I FELT A SUDDEN RUSH OF COLD AIR...

[WIND WHISTLES]

FOLLOWED BY AN OVERPOWERING AROMA OF PIZZA.

MMM, PIZZA. I COULD DIG A SLICE.

Irene: I HATE PIZZA!

IT REMINDS ME OF MY UNFAITHFUL HUSBAND!

AAH!

YO, MAN, I DIDN'T MEAN A SLICE OF ME!

[CREAKS]

OH!

Mr. Moseby, narrating: FORTUNATELY, MY VOLUMINOUS FRO

SAVED ME FROM A CONCUSSION...

PHEW.

ALTHOUGH I DID INJURE MY ANKLE.

I WAS NEVER ABLE TO BOOGIE OOGIE OOGIE AGAIN.

AAH!

AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!

OH!

THAT WAS AWESOME!

YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN YOUR FACES! OH, WAIT.

I CAN SHOW YOU YOUR FACE.

LET'S SEE WHAT MY HAND LOOKS LIKE

WHEN IT SQUISHES YOUR FACE.

I WASN'T SCARED.

IF YOU WEREN'T SCARED,

WHY WERE YOU SHAKING IN THE ELEVATOR?

BECAUSE IT HASN'T BEEN INSPECTED IN 3 YEARS.

DON'T YOU READ THAT LITTLE CARD?

WELL, I WANNA SEE THE GHOST.

SO I DARE YOU TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH ME

IN SUITE 613.

5 BUCKS SAY YOU RUN OUT FIRST.

I'D TAKE THAT BET...

BUT MOM WILL NEVER LET US DO IT.

DARN RIGHT I WON'T. DO WHAT?

CAMP OUT TONIGHT IN SUITE 613.

OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE HAUNTED ROOM.

WELL...

SO THAT'S A NO. WE ACCEPT

YOUR WISE AND CAREFULLY CONSIDERED DECISION.

YOU JUST DON'T WANNA GO BECAUSE YOU'RE CHICKEN.

SHE SAID "NO," AND NO MEANS NO, MISTER.

DON'T MAKE HER SAY IT AGAIN.

[CLUCKING]

ZACH...

NO BROTHER CLUCKING.

SO...CAN WE GO?

I DON'T THINK SO.

WHAT IF WE GOT MADDIE AND LONDON TO STAY WITH US?

WELL, I GUESS THAT WOULD BE OK.

YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO GIVE IN TO HIM.

WHAT KIND OF MOTHER ARE YOU?

CODY, YOU DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.

BUT THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS GHOSTS.

IF THERE WERE, MY MOTHER-IN-LAW WOULD STILL BE HAUNTING ME.

SO YOU GONNA SPEND THE NIGHT

FINGER-PAINTING WITH MOMMY?

NO. I'M GONNA SPEND THE NIGHT IN SUITE 613.

THEN WHEN YOU RUN OUT FIRST,

I'M GONNA SPEND YOUR 5 BUCKS.

WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.

[THUNDER]

LONDON SAID SHE'D MEET US HERE WITH THE PASS KEY.

SHE JUST HAD TO PICK UP A FEW THINGS.

SORRY I'M LATE. IT'S ESTEBAN'S FAULT.

YES. MY HERNIA. MY FAULT.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO ROUGH IT.

I ONLY BROUGHT MY OVERNIGHT BAG.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR DELAYING

OUR SPOOKY YET FUN ADVENTURE WITH GHOSTIES.

HERE'S THE KEY.

HERE GOES NOTHING.

HERE GOES MY LOWER BACK.

[DOOR CREAKS]

THIS ISN'T SO SCARY.

[THUNDER]

OK, NOW IT IS.

[CREAKS]

IT'S THE GHOST!

All: AAH!

AND IT'S HOLDING A CLUB!

AND NOW IT'S EATING THE CLUB!

IT'S NOT A CLUB. IT'S A SUB!

MEATBALL MARINARA. YOU WANT SOME?

AAH!

WHAT'S SO SCARY ABOUT A SANDWICH?

THE GUY WHO'S EATING IT.

I JUST THINK YOU'RE KINDA CREEPY. NO OFFENSE.

NONE TAKEN. A LOT OF WOMEN SAY THAT.

INCLUDING MOTHER.

SEE? THE GHOST DIDN'T KNOCK OUT THE LIGHTS. THE STORM DID.

RIGHT, ARWIN?

NO. IT WAS THE GHOST.

AGAIN, I'M ALONE.

I'VE BEEN TRYIN' TO SEE HER FOR YEARS. BUT TONIGHT,

TONIGHT IS MY GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY.

WHY, BECAUSE THE LIGHTNING PROVIDES

SUFFICIENT ATMOSPHERIC OZONE

ALLOWING YOUR INSTRUMENT TO PICK UP

ANY ECTOPLASMIC MANIFESTATIONS?

NO, BECAUSE MOTHER'S AT BINGO,

AND I DON'T HAVE TO BE HOME TILL 10:00.

HA HA HA!

AHEM. OK. UH...

HERE WE GO. AHEM. MM-HMM. MM-HMM.

MM-HMM.

JUST AS I THOUGHT.

WHAT? WHAT?

I FORGOT TO PLUG IT IN. HEH HEH.

[BEEPING]

[HONKING] WHOA!

OH, NO!

AAH! UNH!

THERE WE GO!

[LONDON SCREAMS]

OK. WE GOT ABOUT 20 SCARY ABNORMALITIES IN THIS ROOM.

GRANTED, 19 OF 'EM ARE ME. BUT STILL...

[HONKS] OH.

OH! UNH! UNH!

UNH! OH!

[BEEPING LOUDLY]

DID YOU SEE THAT?

YOU MEAN THE FACE MOVING, THE EYES LOOKING? NO.

ME, NEITHER.

[COUGHS]

I DID...[COUGHS]

AND THERE'S A SCARY GHOST IN HERE

AND SHE'S MAD. [LAUGHS]

[GASPS] MOMMY!

WAAH!

AAH!

AAH!

AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!

HELP.

YES. THAT'S WHAT WE MUST DO.

WE MUST HELP.

THANKS. YOU GUYS TAKE EACH SIDE.

I'LL SUPERVISE.

I MEANT WE MUST HELP THE POOR TORMENTED GHOSTIE

CROSS OVER TO A BETTER PLACE.

[GASP] YOU MEAN, LIKE, THE ST. MARK'S HOTEL

WHERE THEY PAY OVERTIME?

THIS IS NOT A JOKING MATTER.

OBVIOUSLY, YOU HAVEN'T SEEN MY PAYCHECK.

I KNOW HOW TO CONTACT THE SPIRIT WORLD.

YOU DO?

OF COURSE. SHALL WE BEGIN?

SURE.

[DOOR CREAKS, CLOSES]

IT'S OK, BLANKIE.

WE'LL GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER.

IS EVERYONE READY TO CALL THE SPIRIT?

APPARENTLY, THE SPIRIT IS CALLING US.

TELL 'EM WE'RE NOT HOME.

SILENCE, PLEASE.

EVERYONE JOIN HANDS.

[CLAPS] [CLAPS]

I MEANT WITH EACH OTHER.

OH.

BE VERY STILL.

BUT RELAXED.

♪ GHOSTIE... ♪

IF I MAY CALL YOU THAT.

♪ SPEAK TO US ♪

♪ YOU ARE... ♪

♪ MADDIE IS CHANNELING A SPIRIT ♪

♪ DOPES ♪ YOU GUYS ARE SO GULLIBLE.

DISBELIEVERS WILL BE PUNISHED.

[MOCKING] OOH, I'M SO SCARED. HEH HEH.

[GASPS]

[SINCERELY] I'M SO SCARED.

YOU ARE?

SPIRIT, HEAR ME.

I AM CALLING YOU.

♪ MM, MM, MM ♪

♪ MM, MM, MM, MM, MM ♪

♪ MM, MM, MM ♪

WHAT'S GOING ON?

I AM ON HOLD.

♪ MM, MM, MM, MM, MM, MM ♪

[THUNDER] AAH! AAH!

AAH! AAH!

[SCREAMING CONTINUES]

OH! OH!

EITHER THE TABLE IS GETTING HIGHER

OR THE FLOOR IS GETTING LOWER.

[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] SHE'S HERE.

[GASPS] [GASPS]

HOLA, GHOSTIE. WELCOME TO OUR--AAH!

AAH! AAH!

AAH! AAH!

[IRENE'S VOICE] WHO DARES TO CALL ME IN THE AFTERLIFE?

IT'S FOR YOU.

ARE YOU THE GHOST OF IRENE?

Irene: YES!

MY SPIRIT IS DOOMED TO LANGUISH AGONY

FOR A-L-L ETERNITY.

WHATEVER. LISTEN, UM, COULD I HAVE MY $1,000 BACK?

Irene: YOU WILL BE SILENT!

OK. SORRY. NEVER MIND.

WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, LADY?

Irene: I WAS BETRAYED. SO I'M ANGRY.

AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!

DOES ANYONE SMELL... [SNIFFS]

PIZZA?

Irene: OHH, DON'T EVER SAY THAT WORD!

I LOVE PIZZA.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

AAH!

MADDIE, NO!

WHERE DID SHE GO?

Irene: ANYONE ELSE HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY?

N-N-N-NOT ME. I HATE PIZZA. [GASPS]

BLANKIE! NO!

CODY? BUDDY?

OH, MAN. MOM'S NOT GONNA LIKE THIS.

LISTEN, IRENE, I HATE TO BE A NUDGE.

BUT, UH, ABOUT THAT $1,000...

Irene: [EVIL LAUGH]

I'LL TAKE A CHECK!

ESTEBAN! HANG UP ON HER!

Irene: ESTEBAN'S GONE. SAY ADIOS, AMIGO.

AY YI YI YI YI YI YI YI YI YI YI YI YI YI!

[THUNDER]

ESTEBAN!

THEY'RE COMING TO GET YOU.

GOT YOUR NOSE.

AAH!

DID YOU ORDER ROOM SERVICE?

I'VE GOT YOUR RIBS! [EVIL LAUGHING]

AAH!

HEY, WHAT'S THE MATTER?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOSE YOUR HEAD.

[EVIL LAUGH]

AAH!

AAH!

AAH! NO!

GOTCHA. THAT'LL BE 5 BUCKS.

BUT...

SPECIAL EFFECTS

COURTESY OF ARWIN Q. HAWKHAUSER.

SERIOUSLY, YOU SHOULD HAVE SOME PIZZA LATER.

AND, UH, TABLE...

BACK DOORS...

AND THE FRONT DOOR.

[CREAKS]

HA HA HA.

ANYONE FOR PIZZA?

YOU GUYS ARE MEAN.

WE'RE SORRY, ZACH.

BUT YOU'VE PLAYED SO MANY

PRACTICAL JOKES ON US,

WE JUST WANNA SHOW YOU HOW IT FEELS.

YES. FORGIVE ME, MY LITTLE FRIEND.

BUT YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE MADE ME

THE BUTT OF THE GASSY NOISES JOKE,

MOST OF WHICH WERE NOT MINE.

OR PUT ITCHING POWDER IN MY COVERALLS.

OR SEND ME THAT FAKE LOVE LETTER FROM ORLANDO BLOOM.

HE TOOK OUT A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST ME.

I DIDN'T SEND YOU ANY LETTER.

OK, THAT WAS ME.

SORRY.

WELL, THE JOKE WAS ALL ON YOU GUYS. BECAUSE...

I WASN'T REALLY SCARED.

HEH. YEAH, RIGHT. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN YOUR FACE.

OH, WAIT. I CAN SHOW YOU YOUR FACE.

AAH!

[BOYS SCREAMING]

OK, I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A THIRD ENCORE. WHY DO YOU NEED ME?

MOM, STOP HIM!

ZACH. ZACH. ZACH!

STOP RIGHT NOW.

WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR BROTHER?

NOTHING. HE SCARED ME.

HE DID? I MEAN, YOU DID?

[YELLING] [YELLING]

OH, OK! OK!

OW! OW!

THANK YOU FOR COMING UP, MR. MOSEBY.

I ASSUME THIS WAS THE RUCKUS

TO WHICH YOU WERE REFERRING?

HE PLAYED A REALLY MEAN PRACTICAL JOKE ON ME, MOMMY.

[WHISPERS] Yes.

CODY, TELL YOUR BROTHER YOU'RE SORRY.

SHAME ON YOU.

SORRY, ZACH. YOU'RE SUCH A CHICKEN.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GOT SCARED OVER A LITTLE GHOST.

THIS HOTEL HAS A GHOST?

Mr. Moseby, high-pitched voice: OF COURSE NOT.

NOW TELL THE NICE LADY

YOU WERE JUST PRETENDING.

YEAH. THERE IS NO GHOST.

WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD. BECAUSE A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD PAY EXTRA

TO STAY IN A HAUNTED ROOM.

OH, HE MEANT NO GHOST IN THE HALLWAY.

HOWEVER, THE ROOM IS LOUSY WITH GHOSTS.

THE REST OF THE HOTEL IS HAUNTED BY THESE TWO.

BOO! BOO!

THAT'LL BE A BUCK.

DID YOU REALLY LEAVE YOUR BLANKIE HERE,

OR IS THIS JUST ANOTHER STUPID PRANK?

LISTEN, I DON'T KID WHEN IT COMES TO BLANKIE.

NOW HELP ME LOOK AROUND...

UNLESS YOU'RE TOO SCARED.

[THUNDER]

EXCUSE ME. IS THIS YOURS?

YEAH, THANKS.

DON'T MENTION IT.

AAH! AAH!

AAH!