Original subtitles

[ALL SCREAMING]

GET, GET, GET, GET!

PLEASE, REMOVE THESE TWO

AND CHECK BEHIND THE COUCHES FOR MORE.

AH-CHOO!

I THINK THAT BAG HAS A COLD.

OUT!

AND TAKE YOUR MATCHING DUFFLE FRIEND WITH YOU.

WHAT ARE ALL THESE GIRLS HERE FOR?

WE HAPPEN TO HAVE A VERY FAMOUS ROCK STAR

CHECKING IN THIS AFTERNOON.

IT'S SO SILLY HOW INSANE WOMEN GET WHEN IT COMES TO MUSICIANS.

WHO IS IT? THAT McCARTNEY FELLOW.

PAUL McCARTNEY?

I LOVE PAUL McCARTNEY!

WHO'S HE?

NOT PAUL McCARTNEY, JESSIE McCARTNEY.

WHO'S HE?

I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL THESE GIRLS ARE SCREAMING FOR JESSIE McCARTNEY.

IT'S SO LAME.

AND DELUSIONAL.

THEY ALL THINK THEY HAVE A SHOT WITH JESSIE,

WHEN CLEARLY,

HE AND I ARE MEANT TO BE.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE MANAGER'S OFFICE IS?

MMM. OVER THERE. THANKS.

WASN'T THAT JESSIE McCARTNEY?

♪ HERE I AM IN YOUR LIFE ♪

♪ HERE YOU ARE IN MINE ♪

♪ YES, WE HAVE A SUITE LIFE ♪

♪ MOST OF THE TIME ♪

♪ YOU AND ME GOT THE WORLD TO SEE ♪

♪ SO COME ON DOWN ♪

♪ JUST ME AND YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO ♪

♪ SO COME ON DOWN ♪

♪ IT'S YOU AND ME AND ME AND YOU ♪

♪ WE GOT THE WHOLE PLACE TO OURSELVES ♪

♪ YOU AND ME, WE GOT IT ALL FOR FREE ♪

♪ SO COME ON DOWN ♪

♪ THIS IS THE SUITE LIFE ♪

♪ WE'VE GOT A SUITE LIFE ♪

3...2...1...

INCOMING!

[LAUGHS]

HEY, CODY!

YOU'RE JUST IN TIME TO TEST OUT MY NEW INVENTION.

I CALL IT THE CATAPULT TOASTER.

SEE, NOW YOU CAN SIT AT THE TABLE AND RELAX

AND LET THE TOAST COME...

TO YOU.

LISTEN, ARWIN, I WAS WONDERING

IF I COULD USE SOME OF YOUR TOOLS.

I'M ENTERED IN BOSTON'S JUNIOR SCIENCE CONTEST,

AND MY PROJECT STILL NEEDS A LOT OF WORK.

SURE, SURE. WHAT ARE YOU MAKING?

IT'S GONNA BE A LASER.

AW, COOL! HEH HEH.

YOU KNOW, I ENTERED A SCIENCE CONTEST AT MY SCHOOL ONCE.

YEAH? DID YOU WIN? WELL, I--I WOULD'VE,

BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU--

ONE LOUSY EXPLOSION AND THEY BAN YOU FOR LIFE.

HEH HEH.

THAT GYM NEEDED A POOL ANYWAY.

I'M SURE YOU'LL DO BETTER WITH YOUR PROJECT.

I BETTER.

I'VE JUST GOTTA WIN THIS SCIENCE AWARD.

THEN I CAN GET INTO M.I.T.

AND INVENT A NANOBOT THAT EATS OIL SPILLS

AND BE ABLE TO RETIRE COMFORTABLY

WHILE TAKING CARE OF MY AGING MOTHER

AND PAYING MY BROTHER'S BAIL MONEY.

ZACK'S IN JAIL?

NOT YET. OH.

WELL, IF YOU NEED ANY HELP, AHH,

I'M RIGHT HERE.

AFTER ALL, I AM A, UH,

PROFESSIONAL INVENTOR.

AHEM.

BUTTERED TOAST?

OK, I REALLY NEED A PICTURE OF JESSIE McCARTNEY FOR MY SCHOOL NEWSPAPER.

DON'T WORRY. I'LL GET US IN THERE TO SEE HIM REHEARSE.

AFTER ALL, HE'S A CELEBRITY, I'M A CELEBRITY.

WE'RE FIRST CELEBRITIES, ONCE REMOVED.

YOU GO IN THERE AND YOU'LL BE REMOVED.

MY FATHER WON'T STAND FOR THIS.

ACTUALLY, I JUST RECEIVED A FAX FROM YOUR FATHER

ASKING THAT YOU BE KEPT AWAY

FROM ALL CELEBRITY GUESTS STAYING AT THE HOTEL.

HE DOESN'T WANT A REPEAT OF THE ORLANDO BLOOM INCIDENT.

JUST TELL DADDY IT'S DIFFERENT THIS TIME.

UH-HUH. "DIFFERENT THIS TIME..."

AH, HERE WE ARE.

AHEM. "IT'S NOT DIFFERENT.

"YOU ARE CLEARLY OBSESSED WITH [INSERT CELEBRITY NAME HERE]

"AND IF YOU CONTINUE TO HARASS [INSERT CELEBRITY NAME HERE],

YOU WILL BE SENT TO [INSERT BOARDING SCHOOL NAME HERE]."

THAT'S IT. IF HE DOESN'T LET ME SEE JESSIE--

I'VE GOT "RUN AWAY," "SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS,"

OR "HOLD MY BREATH UNTIL I TURN BLUE."

WHICH WILL IT BE?

DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING THAT DADDY TELLS YOU TO?

OF COURSE I DO...

UNTIL SUCH TIME THAT YOUR FATHER TELLS ME I DON'T.

I HAVE TO GET IN THERE TO MEET MY FUTURE HUSBAND.

[SIGHS] OK, BUT WE'RE NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING STUPID, RIGHT?

NO! OK.

I FEEL SO STUPID!

CHECK, CHECK. 1, 2, 2.

[SQUEALING] IT'S HIM, IT'S HIM!

[GRUFF VOICE] HE'S REAL EXCITED ABOUT THE SOUP OF THE DAY.

WOULD YOU CALM DOWN?

HE'S JUST A REGULAR GUY LIKE YOU AND ME...

♪ WHOA-OA-OA ♪

♪ HEY-EY... ♪

WITH THE VOICE OF AN ANGEL.

HEY!

DON'T GET ANY FUNNY IDEAS.

JESSIE IS MINE. EXCUSE ME.

OHH! HE'S GESTURING TO ME!

I THINK HE WANTS TO PROPOSE.

HE'S POINTING AT THE WATER, DINGBAT.

HE THINKS YOU'RE A WAITER.

WHY WOULD HE THINK THAT?

OH, RIGHT.

THANKS, MAN.

[GASPS]

HE CALLED ME "MAN"!

WE ARE SO MEANT TO BE.

1, 2, 3, 4...

♪ HEY ♪

♪ I DON'T WANT ANOTHER PRETTY FACE ♪

♪ I DON'T WANT JUST ANYONE TO HOLD ♪

♪ I DON'T WANT MY LOVE TO GO TO WASTE ♪

♪ I WANT YOU, AND YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL ♪

♪ SO ♪

♪ YEAH ♪

♪ I KNOW THAT YOU ♪

♪ ARE SOMETHING SPECIAL ♪

♪ AND TO YOU I'LL BE ♪

♪ ALWAYS FAITHFUL ♪

♪ I WANT TO BE ♪

♪ WHAT YOU ALWAYS NEEDED ♪

♪ AND I HOPE YOU SEE ♪

♪ THE HEART IN ME ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT ANOTHER PRETTY FACE ♪

♪ I DON'T WANT JUST ANYONE TO HOLD ♪

♪ I DON'T WANT MY LOVE TO GO TO WASTE ♪

♪ I WANT YOU, AND YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL ♪

♪ SO YOU'RE THE ONE I WANNA CHASE ♪

♪ YOU'RE THE ONE I WANNA HOLD ♪

♪ I WON'T LET ANOTHER MINUTE GO TO WASTE ♪

♪ I WANT YOU, AND YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL ♪

♪ SO ♪

♪ YEAH ♪

AAH! AAH!

[GRUFF VOICE] GREAT SET, MAN.

TRY THE SOUP.

AH, IS EVERYTHING OK IN HERE?

NO SCREAMING GIRLS?

HEH HEH. NO, BUT THERE WERE A COUPLE OF SCREAMING WAITERS.

SO IF I JUST CONNECT THE BLUE WIRE

TO THE RED WIRE...

[HIGH-PITCHED] OHH...NNN...AHH!

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

WHAT? NOTHING. NOTHING, NOTHING.

NO, YOU DO IT YOUR WAY, YOUR WAY.

CONNECT WHATEVER WIRES YOU WANT,

THE RED TO THE BLUE OR THE YELLOW TO THE BLUE.

I'D DO THE YELLOW TO THE BLUE, BUT THAT'S JUST ME.

YOU NEED TO FOLLOW YOUR HEART. YELLOW TO BLUE.

ARWIN, I TOLD YOU I'M SUPPOSED TO DO THIS PROJECT MYSELF.

IF I GET HELP FROM SOMEONE ELSE, IT'S CHEATING.

I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW. I PROMISE I WON'T SAY ANYTHING ELSE.

MY LIPS ARE SEALED. HEH HEH.

DO YOU WANT ME TO ACTUALLY SEAL THEM?

BECAUSE I CAN.

HEY, GUYS.

HEY! HEH HEH. CAREY.

HOW YOU DOIN'?

OHH!

ARWIN! YEAH.

ARE YOU OK?

WOW. HA HA! UH...

SMOOTH.

IT'S OK, ARWIN. I JUST CAME DOWN TO TELL CODY IT'S TIME FOR LUNCH.

OK. LET ME JUST TEST IT OUT ONCE.

UH-OH!

[COUGHS] OH, NO!

IT'S RUINED!

I'LL NEVER WIN THE SCIENCE AWARD NOW!

HONEY, IT'S OK. YOU STILL HAVE TIME.

[COUGHS] MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY SOMETHING A LITTLE SIMPLER.

LIKE--LIKE THAT VOLCANO WE TALKED ABOUT?

LIKE A STUPID VOLCANO IS GOING TO WIN.

MINE DID GET HONORABLE MENTION IN THE MINI MADAM CURIE COMPETITION.

THOSE WERE SIMPLER TIMES.

YOU WERE A SCIENCE GEEK?

THE POINT IS, IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU WIN.

ALL THAT MATTERS IS YOU DO YOUR BEST.

WELL, MY BEST ISN'T GOING TO WIN ME A NOBEL PRIZE,

PAY FOR YOUR NURSING HOME,

OR GET ZACK OUT OF JAIL.

ZACK'S IN JAIL?

NOT YET. NOT YET.

[SCREAMING]

[GASPS]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

KEEP QUIET. THE MAID'S IN THE BATHROOM.

YOU'RE TRYING TO STEAL JESSIE FROM ME.

OH, PUH-LEASE.

I'M HERE FOR PURELY JOURNALISTIC PURPOSES.

THEN WHY ARE YOU HUGGING HIS BATHROBE?

I COLLECT PLAID.

[EXHALES] [EXHALES]

SHE'S GONE.

GOOD, NOW GIVE ME MY HUSBAND'S BATHROBE.

NO, IT'S MINE!

NO! NO!

NO! I WANT IT!

[RIP] [GASPS] [GASPS]

NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID!

I'LL TAKE THAT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH JESSIE, TOO?

NO.

I'M SELLING THIS STUFF ON THE STREET.

ONE GIRL GAVE ME 30 BUCKS FOR A TISSUE HE SPIT HIS GUM INTO.

THERE'S BIG MONEY IN OBSESSION.

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!

YEAH. I MEAN, SNEAKING INTO SOMEONE'S ROOM,

INVADING THEIR PRIVACY,

GOING THROUGH THEIR PERSONAL BELONGINGS.

OH, HE'S A BOXER GUY!

DARN IT! THE MAID GOT ALL THE DIRTY TOWELS.

NOW I'LL HAVE TO START FROM SCRATCH.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

THERE. NOW IT'S BEEN USED BY JESSIE McCARTNEY.

I'LL GIVE YOU 50 BUCKS FOR IT!

LONDON, YOU JUST SAW ZACK DIRTY IT HIMSELF.

FINE. 30!

Jessie: HEY, GUYS, HOW'S IT GOIN'?

Security guard: PRETTY GOOD, MR. McCARTNEY.

OH, IT'S HIM, IT'S HIM, IT'S HIM!

HOW DO I LOOK?

PENNILESS AND YOUR HAIR IS MESSED UP.

Mr. Moseby: I TOLD YOU WE HAVE VIGILANT SECURITY.

NO ONE IS GETTING INTO THIS ROOM,

NOT EVEN A MOUSE.

RATS! IT'S MOSEBY!

AAH! AAH! AAH!

I AM TERRIBLY SORRY ABOUT ALL THE UNRULY FANS.

I'VE ORDERED A S.W.A.T. TEAM FOR THIS EVENING.

NO BIGGIE. YOU KIND OF GET USED TO IT, YOU KNOW?

YOU'D BE SURPRISED WHAT SOME OF THESE FANS WOULD DO.

EXCUSE ME, THERE DON'T SEEM TO BE ANY TOWELS.

OH! I'M TERRIBLY SORRY, ONCE AGAIN. HEH HEH HEH.

I'LL GET THEM MYSELF.

THANKS. YOU CAN JUST LEAVE 'EM BY THE BATHROOM DOOR.

AS YOU WISH.

[THUNK] OYY!

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

DON'T YOU THINK IT'LL MAKE A CUTE STORY FOR THE PRESS

WHEN THEY FOUND OUT JESSIE AND I FIRST MET WHILE HE WAS FLOSSING?

I THINK IT'LL MAKE A CUTE STORY FOR THE POLICE. COME ON!

NOTHING.

THIS STUPID LASER WILL NEVER WORK.

I WISH I COULD FIX IT JUST SO I COULD USE IT TO DESTROY IT.

I LIKE THE WAY YOUR MIND WORKS.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS MAKE SOME MINOR ADJUSTMENTS

AND YOU'LL WIN HANDS DOWN.

OK. LET'S SEE.

THE COPPER CHLORIDE IS SUPPOSED TO BE HEATED HERE

BY CONNECTING THE POWER SOURCE

TO THE RED WIRE.

BLUE! [COUGHS]

I MEAN, THE BLUE WIRE?

SO THE DISCHARGE TUBE COUPLES THE LASER MEDIUM

WITH THE OPTICAL CAVITY!

[COUGHS] NOT QUITE. ACCH!

YOU FORGOT [COUGHING] THE BUFFER GAS!

THAT MEANS I HAVE TO WELD IT.

WHICH MEANS I HAVE TO USE THIS DANGEROUS WELDING TORCH...

DESIGNED FOR ADULTS.

MAYBE I, AN ADULT,

SHOULD HELP YOU, A CHILD.

I THINK THAT WOULD BE ACCEPTABLE.

WHOO!

I AM GONNA WIN THIS PRIZE.

YOU MEAN I'M GONNA WIN THAT PRIZE.

EXACTLY, 'CAUSE I DESERVE IT.

THIS SHOULD BRING IN A NICE CHUNK OF CHANGE.

THAT'S JESSIE'S LUCKY BRACELET.

HOW DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT MY FIANCÉ?

I'M A JOURNALIST. I DO MY RESEARCH.

HE NEVER PERFORMS WITHOUT IT.

WE HAVE TO TAKE IT BACK,

OTHERWISE HE COULD FREEZE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS CONCERT,

AND WE'D BE RESPONSIBLE FOR RUINING HIS CAREER!

HE DOESN'T NEED A CAREER.

WE'LL SURVIVE ON LOVE...

AND DADDY'S MONEY.

FINE. I'LL JUST GIVE HIM THE BRACELET BACK

AND TELL HIM I FOUND IT.

THEN I'LL ASK FOR HIS PANTS AS A REWARD.

SO YOUR PLAN IS TO TELL HIM YOU FOUND HIS LUCKY BRACELET

IN THE CLOSED DRAWER OF HIS BEDSIDE TABLE.

[GASPS]

GOOD PLAN!

BAD PLAN!

IF MOSEBY FINDS OUT, WE'LL ALL BE IN TROUBLE,

AND ZACK COULD END UP IN JAIL.

FUNNY, THAT'S WHAT CODY ALWAYS SAYS.

Carey: WOW.

THIS IS REALLY ELABORATE,

ESPECIALLY FOR ONE DAY'S WORK.

THANKS. HEH HEH.

I MEAN, YOU MUST BE REALLY PROUD OF CODY'S INVENTION.

I MEAN, FINALLY HIS TALENT'S BEING RECOGNIZED AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.

HE'S 12.

WELL...

AND NOW OUR FINALISTS WILL DEMONSTRATE THEIR PROJECTS.

BARBARA BROWNSTEIN

AND THE SCIENCE OF VOLCANOES.

UM, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BUBBLE UP

AND PRODUCE ASH.

OK. I FEEL BETTER NOW.

Judge: SHELDON WALTERS.

MY INVENTION IS CALLED M.E.C.,

WHICH STANDS FOR "MY ENERGY CONVERTER."

YOU PUT GARBAGE IN THIS END...

[WHIRRING AND RATTLING]

[BEEP]

AND THEN IT TURNS INTO ENERGY.

ARE YOU SURE THIS IS GOING TO WORK?

OF COURSE I'M SURE! I-- WE--YOU BUILT IT, DIDN'T I?

WE--YOU!

OUR NEXT PARTICIPANT IS MR. CODY MARTIN,

WHO WILL DEMONSTRATE HIS LASER.

THANK YOU.

I'M GOING TO USE THIS LASER

TO CUT A SQUARE

OUT OF THAT SHEET OF METAL.

LIGHTS, PLEASE!

OOPS. I--

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...

MY VOLCANO!

HE LOOKS SO ADORABLE WHEN HE'S ASLEEP.

LIKE AN ANGEL.

[SNORES]

HE EVEN SNORES BEAUTIFULLY.

LET'S FOCUS, PEOPLE. WE'LL PUT THE BRACELET BACK,

GET A COUPLE OF SHIRTS, AND WE'RE GONE. OK.

IT'S STUCK!

[GROANS]

♪ HUSH, LITTLE ROCK STAR ♪

♪ STAY WHERE YOU ARE ♪

♪ LONDON'S GONNA BUY YOU A SHINY CAR ♪

MMM...

AHH... London: AHH...

Maddie: LONDON, GIVE US A HAND, WOULD YOU?

LONDON.

[GASPS]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

I THINK THIS IS GONNA BE OUR CHRISTMAS-HANUKKAH CARD.

HEY, GET AWAY FROM MY BOYFRIEND!

I CAN'T MOVE!

OHH...

A LIKELY STORY.

IT'S NOT A STORY. IT'S THE TRUTH.

BUT WHILE I'M HERE, CAN YOU TAKE A PICTURE OF US?

NO! ZACK, TAKE A PICTURE OF US!

I'M KIND OF BUSY HERE!

AAH!

WHAT'S GOING ON?

HI. YOU DON'T KNOW ME,

BUT WE'RE GONNA BE MARRIED.

SECURITY! RUN!

HEY--HEY, LET ME GO!

THROW HIM OUT OF HERE, FELLAS.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, I WAS ONLY IN HERE

TRYING TO RETURN YOUR LUCKY BRACELET!

RETURN? DON'T YOU MEAN STEAL?

NO, YOU SEE, I STOLE IT WHEN YOU WERE IN THE BATHROOM

AND MOSEBY WENT TO GET YOU TOWELS.

AND, BY THE WAY,

WHILE WE'RE CONFESSING,

I STOLE THOSE, TOO.

HOW MANY TIMES YOU BEEN IN HERE?

A COUPLE.

WELL, AT LEAST I WASN'T PAWING THROUGH YOUR DRAWERS

LIKE MY WACKY FRIENDS.

YOU HANG OUT WITH THOSE GIRLS?

WHAT ARE THEY, LIKE, 2 YEARS OLDER THAN YOU?

3. IMPRESSIVE, DUDE.

YOU CAN LET HIM DOWN, GUYS.

SO, ARE GIRLS ALWAYS AFTER YOU LIKE THIS?

YEAH. IT GETS KIND OF WEIRD.

REALLY? NO.

NO, YOU KNOW, FAME'S PRETTY COOL.

IT JUST COMES AT A PRICE.

SPEAKING OF PRICE, ARE YOU FINISHED WITH THAT PILLOW CASE?

SORRY. YOU WERE SAYING?

NO, IT'S JUST SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I DON'T GET TO DO REGULAR STUFF,

YOU KNOW, SHOOT HOOPS, PLAY VIDEO GAMES.

IF YOU LIKE VIDEO GAMES, COME BACK TO MY PLACE

AND I'LL CRUSH YOU LIKE THE PRETTY BOY THAT YOU ARE.

YOU'RE ON.

AND THAT'S MR. PRETTY BOY TO YOU.

WE ARE SO GOING TO WIN.

WHATEVER HAPPENS, CODY,

I AM VERY PROUD OF YOU,

MOSTLY BECAUSE YOU DID THIS ALL BY YOURSELF.

RIGHT, ARWIN?

YES!

AND OUR WINNER IS...

CODY MARTIN!

YES! HA HA!

I'D LIKE TO THANK THE JUDGES FOR AWARDING ME THIS PRIZE.

I'D ALSO LIKE TO THANK MY FRIEND ARWIN

FOR LETTING ME USE HIS OFFICE.

I'D ALSO LIKE TO THANK MY MOTHER

FOR BEING SO SUPPORTIVE

AND NOT BEING JUDGMENTAL

AND LOVING ME,

EVEN THOUGH I LIED TO HER

AND I DON'T DESERVE THIS PRIZE!

I CHEATED.

I HAD AN ADULT'S HELP.

WELL, ARWIN'S HELP.

HE REALLY DESERVES THIS TROPHY.

UH, I...

WOW!

THANK YOU!

THANK YOU!

IT IS SO NICE TO BE RECOGNIZED

BY THE SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY.

IN YOUR FACE, SHELDON! HA HA HA!

NICE VOLCANO, BARBARA.

DORMANT. HA HA HA!

Judge: EXCUSE ME, SIR,

THIS COMPETITION IS FOR CHILDREN 14 AND UNDER.

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

UH...[HIGH-PITCHED] 13?

[SIGHS] ALL RIGHT.

AND 1/2.

YOU ARE DISQUALIFIED! NO, PLEASE, DON'T!

[CRYING] OHH!

OUR NEW WINNER IS...

SHELDON WALTERS.

CODY, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR DOING THE RIGHT THING.

HOW DO YOU FEEL?

BETTER THAN ARWIN.

I'M FINE.

[SOBBING]

IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL VOLCANO.

UHH! MAN, YOU'RE REALLY GOOD AT THIS.

DON'T FEEL BAD, DUDE.

WE ALL HAVE TO GET OLD SOMETIME.

[KNOCK ON DOOR] Maddie: JESSIE?

JUST TELL ME YOUR FAVORITE COLOR FOR MY ARTICLE!

I'M GONNA SAY BLUE. IS THAT OK?

LOOK, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR FAVORITE COLOR IS.

I JUST WANNA MARRY YOU.

IT'S NOT BROWN, IS IT?