Original subtitles

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. YOU'RE APPLYING TO GO

FOR A TRIP TO WASHINGTON WITH A WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHER NERDS

TO WATCH A SENATOR SIGN PAPERS ALL DAY?

AND MAKE PHONE CALLS!

OOH! WHERE DO I NOT SIGN UP?

AH-HA!

JUST THE TWO I WAS LOOKING FOR.

WE DIDN'T DO IT.

YEAH. WHAT DIDN'T WE DO?

WHATEVER. I'M JUST COVERING ALL THE BASES.

NO, I HAVE IT FROM A RELIABLE SOURCE

THAT A LITTLE BOY WHO WAS ABOUT YOUR HEIGHT

AND YOUR HAIR COLOR WAS SEEN IN THE GAME ROOM

TAMPERING WITH THE GAMES AND PLAYING FOR FREE.

WELL, IT WASN'T ME!

YOU KNOW, MR. MOSEBY, YOU CAN'T BELIEVE EVERY RUMOR YOU HEAR.

OK, I KNOW IT WAS ONE OF YOU TWO,

AND SINCE I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE,

THE GAME ROOM IS OFF LIMITS TO THE BOTH OF YOU!

HMM. IT'S GOOD TO BE THE MANAGER.

THIS STINKS! NOW I CAN'T GO IN THERE,

AND I'VE BEEN SAVING UP MY QUARTERS.

YOU KNOW, CODY, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO SAVE UP YOUR QUARTERS

IF YOU JUST USED MINE.

SO IT WAS YOU.

WELL, DUH! IT WASN'T YOU!

BOY, SMART PEOPLE ARE DUMB.

ZACK, PUT THAT BACK!

I'M CODY.

NO, HE'S NOT! I'M CODY.

AND I'M SICK AND TIRED OF PEOPLE

ALWAYS THINKING I'M ZACK.

I'M NOT ZACK! I'M CODY.

C-O-D-Y. CO-DY!

OH. CODY, DO YOU HAVE THAT DOLLAR YOU OWE ME?

I'M ZACK.

Z-A-C-K. ZACK.

♪ HERE I AM IN YOUR LIFE ♪

♪ HERE YOU ARE IN MINE ♪

♪ YES, WE HAVE A SUITE LIFE ♪

♪ MOST OF THE TIME ♪

♪ YOU AND ME GOT THE WORLD TO SEE ♪

♪ SO COME ON DOWN ♪

♪ JUST ME AND YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO ♪

♪ SO COME ON DOWN ♪

♪ IT'S YOU AND ME AND ME AND YOU ♪

♪ WE GOT THE WHOLE PLACE TO OURSELVES ♪

♪ YOU AND ME, WE GOT IT ALL FOR FREE ♪

♪ SO COME ON DOWN ♪

♪ THIS IS THE SUITE LIFE ♪

♪ WE'VE GOT THE SUITE LIFE ♪

I'M IMPRESSED THAT YOU WANT TO LEARN CPR.

IT'S A GREAT FEELING TO KNOW

YOU CAN SAVE A HUMAN LIFE.

YEAH. AND CHARGE $5.00 MORE AN HOUR

TO BABY-SIT.

YOU HAVE A DARK SIDE.

I LIKE IT.

WELL, LET'S HURRY THIS UP.

I HAVE A DATE WITH CHUCK AT 6:00.

CHUCK THE WAITER? OH, I'VE SEEN HIM DOWN AT THE POOL.

HE'S GOT A GREAT BACKSTROKE.

YEAH. THAT'S WHY I LIKE HIM.

SO, UH, WHERE'S THE TRAINING DUMMY?

YOU'RE LOOKING AT HIM.

I MEANT THE DUMMY I'M GONNA PRACTICE ON.

YOU'RE LOOKING AT HIM.

OK, NOW THE FIRST THING YOU DO

IS CHECK AND SEE IF I'M BREATHING.

OK.

NOTHING.

[RASPY] THAT'S BECAUSE I'M HOLDING MY BREATH.

YOU GOT ME! NOW WHAT?

NOW TIP MY HEAD BACK.

ALL RIGHT, LEFT MY CHIN,

PINCH MY NOSE,

AND GIVE ME 2 SLOW BREATHS.

[HIP-HOP SONG PLAYING]

YO, YO, YO! WHAT UP, MY PEEPS?

WHAT'S ALL THIS NONSENSE?

WELL, I'M JUST GOING WITH YOUR NEW LOOK,

FA SHIZZLE.

THIS IS JUST MY WAY OF MAKING SURE

PEOPLE WON'T CONFUSE ME WITH ZACK.

THAT'S RIGHT. YOU'LL BE THE ONE WITH YOUR PANTS AROUND YOUR ANKLES.

WELL, THAT'S EMBARRASSING.

MM-HMM.

ESTEBAN, DID YOU HEAR?

YES. YOU'RE GETTING AN AWARD FROM THE ANIMAL LEAGUE,

AND YOU TOLD ME TO TELL EVERYBODY.

AND HAVE YOU? Sí.

GOOD! BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.

I KNOW A SECRET THAT'S EVEN MORE DELICIOUS

THAT YOU CAN'T REPEAT.

OH, PLEASE, MISS LONDON,

I CANNOT KEEP A SECRET. LIKE MR. MOSEBY TELLING ME

THAT HE'S GETTING YOU A PURSE FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY.

OH! HE IS? OOPS!

THE BLACK ONE? YES!

RATS! GREAT!

ANYWAY, MADDIE AND LANCE ARE BACK TOGETHER.

I SAW THEM KISSING IN THE LOUNGE.

OOH, THAT IS JUICY.

I DON'T DISH ANYTHING LESS.

MM-MMM! MM-MMM!

REMEMBER. MUM'S THE WORD.

RIGHT. MUM. MUM.

MUM, MUM, MUM, MUM, MUM, MUM--

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

NOTHING. I SAID NOTHING ABOUT MADDIE AND LANCE

PLEDGING THEIR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER IN THE LOUNGE.

AY, YI!

NO! Sí. THEY WERE,

AS WE SAY IN MY COUNTRY,

"PEELING THE GRAPE."

OH! NO! ¡Sí!

PLEASE DON'T SAY ANYTHING.

ABOUT WHAT?

OH, YOU'RE GOOD!

HEY, ZACK, DID YOU HEAR?

I'M CODY. THE ONE WITH THE COOL GANGSTA LOOK.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE A PIRATE. ANYWAY,

MADDIE AND LANCE ARE PLEDGED TO EACH OTHER.

PLEDGED? YOU MEAN LIKE ENGAGED?

SEALED IT WITH A KISS.

NO!

¡Sí!

AND THERE WAS SOMETHING ABOUT GRAPES.

I THINK THEY'RE MOVING TO A VINEYARD,

BUT IF YOU ASK ME, THE WHOLE THING IS A GAMBLE.

BUT REMEMBER: KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.

YOUR SECRET'S SAFE WITH ME.

I WON'T TELL ANYONE. EXCEPT ZACK!

I JUST HEARD SOMETHING THAT I CANNOT BELIEVE.

IT--

SOMEONE TOLD ME THAT YOU AND MADDIE ARE BETROTHED.

WE ARE? COOL!

WHAT'S THAT?

IT MEANS YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED.

REALLY?

MY GIRLFRIEND'S GONNA BE TICKED.

I GUESS I BETTER GO RENT A TUX.

ZACK, THERE YOU ARE. BRACE YOURSELF.

MADDIE AND LANCE WERE SEEN KISSING,

AND I HEAR THEY'RE GETTING MARRIED

AND MOVING TO LAS VEGAS TO GAMBLE.

SHE WOULDN'T!

SHE IMPLIED THAT SHE'D WAIT FOR ME.

HEY, MADDIE.

HEY, CHUCK. SO ARE WE STILL ON FOR OUR MOVIE TONIGHT?

NOT AFTER WHAT I JUST HEARD.

WHAT DID YOU HEAR?

HOW CAN YOU MARRY LANCE? THAT.

I'M NOT MARRYING LANCE. WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?

BECAUSE YOU WERE KISSING HIM!

THEY WERE PEELING THE GRAPE.

I WAS NOT! THERE WAS NO PEELING!

MADDIE, I HEAR WE'RE BETROTH-ED.

OK, WHERE DID THIS RIDICULOUS RUMOR START?

ZACK, WHO TOLD YOU THIS?

IT WAS CODY!

IT WAS MURIEL!

IT WAS ESTEBAN!

IT WAS LONDON!

OH, I CURSE THESE LIPS THAT CANNOT KEEP THEMSELVES SEALED!

I KNOW. I WILL HOLD THEM TOGETHER

TO KEEP FROM SPREADING RUMORS AGAIN.

WHERE IS SHE?

IN HER ROOM. OH!

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I WANT TO KNOW WHY YOU STARTED THAT RUMOR ABOUT ME AND LANCE.

WHAT RUMOR?

THAT LANCE AND I ARE GETTING MARRIED,

MOVING TO A VINEYARD IN VEGAS,

AND BECOMING BLACKJACK DEALERS?!

CONGRATULATIONS!

YOU'RE GONNA BE A BLACKJACK DEALER!

OH! MWAH! MWAH!

LONDON, I AM NOT GOING TO BE A BLACKJACK DEALER,

AND I AM NOT GETTING MARRIED.

OH, GOOD. YOU'RE MUCH TOO YOUNG.

OHH. LONDON, LONDON. WHY DID YOU TELL ESTEBAN

THAT LANCE AND I WERE BACK TOGETHER?

BECAUSE I SAW YOU LIP-LOCKING IN THE LOUNGE.

OH, HE WAS TEACHING ME CPR.

IS THAT THE SAME AS PEELING THE GRAPE?

IT'S MOUTH-TO-MOUTH!

SO IT IS THE SAME.

FORGET ABOUT IT. [EXHALES] THE PROBLEM IS

EVERYBODY AT THE HOTEL IS TALKING ABOUT HOW WE'RE BACK TOGETHER.

THEN YOU SHOULD BE THANKING ME.

MADDIE, HAVING PEOPLE TALK ABOUT YOU IS A GOOD THING.

NO, IT'S NOT. MM-HMM.

GOSSIP HURTS. THAT'S WHY I WOULDN'T DO IT.

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF PEOPLE

WERE SPREADING RUMORS ABOUT YOU?

HEY, EVERY TIME I'M IN THE PAPER,

MY SOCIAL LIFE JUST GETS BETTER AND BETTER.

YEAH? WELL, MY SOCIAL LIFE IS GOING DOWN THE TUBES

CHUCK HEARD YOUR LIE AND DUMPED ME!

OH, HONEY.

I HEARD A RUMOR HE WAS GONNA DUMP YOU ANYWAY.

[GASPS]

HEY, ZACK, I PICKED UP SOME SOCCER CAMP BROCHURES FOR YOU.

I THOUGHT IF CODY GOES TO WASHINGTON FOR A WEEK

YOU MIGHT LIKE TO DO SOMETHING FUN, TOO.

THESE ARE ALL SPA GETAWAYS.

THOSE ARE MINE. THESE ARE YOURS.

HEY, MOM, CHECK THIS OUT.

THE GANGSTA LOOK DIDN'T WORK OUT,

SO I'VE COME UP WITH SOMETHING MORE RADICAL.

TA-DA! OH!

WOW.

NOW PEOPLE WON'T MISTAKE ME FOR ZACK.

ALTHOUGH THEY MIGHT MISTAKE YOU FOR MURIEL! HA HA!

WHAT'S SO FUNNY? AAH!

OH, NO! THE BOX SAID IT WOULD BE A HONEY MIST AUBURN!

WELL, HONEY, YOU MISSED AUBURN BIG TIME!

MADDIE, DID YOU HEAR?

THE ANIMAL LEAGUE IS GIVING ME AN AWARD TONIGHT.

YES. ESTEBAN TOLD ME, AND I DON'T CARE.

[EXHALES] ARE YOU STILL MAD ABOUT THE WHOLE LANCE THING?

NO ONE IN THIS HOTEL IS SPEAKING TO ME.

EVERYONE THINKS I'M A MAN-STEALER.

EXCEPT FOR LANCE, WHO WANTS TO GET MARRIED IN THE POOL

AND INSISTS THAT I WEAR HIS GRANDMOTHER'S WETSUIT.

OH! SO THE ENGAGEMENT'S BACK ON?

OH, THAT'S GREAT! NO, NO, LONDON!

ESTEBAN, GUESS WHAT? NO! UGH!

SO, YOU KNOW LONDON TIPTON.

UNFORTUNATELY. HUH.

SHE MUST BE PRETTY INTERESTING.

YEAH. IF YOU LIKE VAIN, SELF-CENTERED PEOPLE

WHO DON'T CARE WHO THEY HURT.

OH. WELL, I HEARD SHE'S A VERY GIVING PERSON.

I UNDERSTAND SHE'S GETTING AN AWARD FROM THE ANIMAL LEAGUE.

EXCUSE ME WHILE I LAUGH. HA!

SHE'S A HYPOCRITE.

I HAPPEN TO KNOW SHE'S GOT A FOX COAT IN HER CLOSET.

REALLY? MM-HMM.

WELL, IT HAS BEEN SUCH A PLEASURE TALKING TO YOU.

HEH!

[BEEPS]

FRANK, I HAVE GOT AN INSIDE SCOOP ON LONDON TIPTON

THAT'S GONNA MAKE HER THE MOST HATED WOMAN

IN BOSTON. HEH HEH HEH!

LISTEN TO THIS. "ACCORDING TO A HOTEL INSIDER,

"TIPTON IS A HYPOCRITE.

SHE HAS A FOX COAT IN HER CLOSET."

NO!

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

OH! "ANIMAL MURDERER"?

OH, NO! NO, NO, NO! NO, NO!

HI! SORRY. THERE'S BEEN A RECALL ON THESE MAGAZINES.

APPARENTLY THEY BURST INTO FLAMES SPONTANEOUSLY.

LONDON, OVER HERE! IS IT TRUE YOU TORTURE ANIMALS?

NO! NO, I LOVE ANIMALS.

I SWATTED A FLY ONCE, BUT I MISSED.

THEN EXPLAIN THIS.

OH, NO. MY LIFE IS RUINED.

MS. TIPTON, ONE MORE QUESTION!

WHAT IN THE NAME OF--

OOF!

EVERYBODY OUT! OUT! OUT!

STEP AWAY FROM THE HOTEL!

I CAN'T BELIEVE SOMEONE WOULD SAY THIS ABOUT ME.

BUT YOU SAID THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS BAD PUBLICITY,

THAT IT MAKES YOUR SOCIAL LIFE BETTER.

YEAH, WHEN I'M SPREADING IT.

NOT WHEN OTHERS ARE LYING ABOUT ME

TORTURING CUTE LITTLE ANIMALS.

ALL MY FURS ARE FAKE.

BUT YOU SAID THEY WERE FOX.

YES. F-A-U-X. "FOX."

THAT'S PRONOUNCED "FO."

WHICH MIGHT'VE MADE A DIFFERENCE TO--

THE BIG MOUTH WHO STARTED THIS RUMOR.

MADDIE, YOU ARE TRULY THE ONLY FRIEND I HAVE.

OH, DON'T SAY THAT.

LONDON, I AM SO SORRY.

I PROMISE I WILL DO MY BEST

TO FIND THE PERSON WHO DID THIS TO YOU.

GOOD. AND WHEN YOU FIND HIM,

I WANT HIM THROWN IN THE TIPTON DUNGEON

FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.

WE DON'T HAVE A DUNGEON,

BUT I CAN HAVE HIM FIRED.

FROM A CANNON? OH!

HEY, MOM.

OH, HEY, CODY. A LETTER CAME FOR YOU

FROM THE "WEEK IN WASHINGTON" PROGRAM.

IT SAYS YOU MADE IT PAST THE FIRST ROUND OF QUALIFICATIONS.

WAY TO GO, LITTLE RED RIDING NERD.

AT LEAST WHEN I GO AWAY,

IT WON'T BE IN HANDCUFFS.

HEY, LOOK AT ALL OF THE PHOTOGRAPHERS.

BUT YOU CAN'T SEE THEM THROUGH THESE STREAKY WINDOWS.

I KNOW. IT'S SO HARD TO FIND GOOD HELP THESE DAYS.

YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN, SISTER.

I WONDER WHO LEAKED THE STORY ABOUT LONDON.

I BET IT WAS THAT CREEPY WAITER CHUCK.

I NEVER LIKED HIM.

YOU LIKED HIM TILL MADDIE LIKED HIM.

HEY, ESTEBAN! COME HERE.

I KNOW WHO LEAKED THE GOSSIP ABOUT LONDON.

OH, NO! I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE SECRETS! ♪ LA LA LA LA LA ♪

IT WAS THAT CRUMMY WAITER CHUCK.

OH, CHUCK? REALLY?

THE "LA LA" THING NEVER REALLY WORKS.

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT MOSEBY? NO.

[WHISPERING] NO!

¡SÍ!

WHOA! I FEEL A CANDY CRAVING COME ON.

DON'T YOU MEAN A MADDIE CRAVING?

EITHER WAY, I'M POWERLESS.

NICE HAIR, SON. WHAT ARE YOU REBELLING AGAINST?

FALSE LABELING ON HAIR PRODUCTS!

EXCUSE ME. AH, YES.

I'M MR. JOHNSON WITH THE "WEEK IN WASHINGTON" PROGRAM.

I'M LOOKING FOR CODY MARTIN.

YES, THE MAN WHO WANTS TO TAKE

OUR CODY TO WASHINGTON FOR A WHOLE WEEK.

YOU KNOW HE HAS A BROTHER?

YES, I DO. WHEN I CALLED I LEFT A MESSAGE WITH HIM.

WELL, WE'LL JUST RING HIS ROOM THEN, HMM?

ZACK, THE GUY FROM THE "WEEK IN WASHINGTON" PROGRAM IS HERE!

HE'S HERE TO INTERVIEW ME, AND I CAN'T BE ME BECAUSE I DON'T LOOK LIKE ME.

I'M SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE YOU, SO SINCE YOU LOOK LIKE ME,

YOU GOTTA BE ME! I CAN'T HELP YOU.

WHY?!

BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU JUST SAID.

I'M SORRY. THERE'S NO ANSWER.

OH! THERE THEY ARE.

OK, YOUR FAVORITE PRESIDENT IS JIMMY CARTER.

YOU'RE A STRONG PROPONENT OF THE FIRST AMENDMENT,

AND YOU WANT TO BE A SUPREME COURT JUSTICE WHEN YOU GROW UP.

IF YOU GET STUCK, JUST LOOK AT ME.

AH! MR. JOHNSON,

THIS IS CODY.

'S BROTHER ZACK. THIS IS CODY!

NICE TO MEET YOU, CODY.

YEAH, BUT YOU ARE--

SO PROUD OF MY BROTHER.

YOU'D BE LUCKY TO HAVE HIM IN YOUR PROGRAM.

T-THAT'S RIGHT, I'M CODY,

THE SMART ONE.

AND I'M ZACK, THE DUMB ONE! HA!

DOPEY, DOPEY, DO! HA!

DON'T PUSH IT.

GOOD LUCK!

TO ALL OF YOU.

[CHUCKLES]

CODY, HOW DID YOU FIRST BECOME INTERESTED

IN GOVERNMENT?

WELL, I'M A STRONG PROPONENT OF THE FIRST AMENDMENT.

GREAT. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT IT?

WELL...WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE?

I MEAN, IT'S THE FIRST. IT'S NUMBER ONE.

IT'S NUMBER ONE!

I SEE. AND WHAT PRESIDENT WOULD YOU SAY YOU'VE ADMIRED THE MOST?

OH, THAT'S EASY. PRESIDENT CARTER.

WHY?

WHY?

WELL, UH...

HE, UH, HAMMERS!

NAILS THINGS! NAILS THINGS...

HE, UH, UH, BUILDS-- BUILDS HOUSES!

BUILDS HOUSES FOR... HE BUILDS HOUSES FOR NUNS!

HE BUILDS HOUSES FOR NUNS.

BUILDS HOUSES FOR OLD PEOPLE?

COLD PEOPLE! BUILDS HOUSES FOR COLD PEOPLE.

UH...POOR PEOPLE!

BUILDS HOUSES FOR POOR PEOPLE!

YES. AND I BELIEVE EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE

WHERE YOU CAN WATCH TV TO SEE COMMERCIALS FOR STUFF TO BUY

WHICH HELPS THE ECONOMY.

WHAT?!

IS THERE SOMEONE BACK THERE?

NO. JUST THAT PLANT.

I LOVE PLANTS. I'M VERY PRO-PLANT.

IT SAYS HERE THAT YOU WANT TO BE A MEMBER OF THE SUPREME COURT.

WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU WOULD DO IF APPOINTED?

I'M THINKIN' CASUAL FRIDAYS.

DITCH THOSE BLACK ROBES AND WEAR CAPES!

WITH A BIG "S" ON THE CHEST FOR "SUPREME COURT."

OK. WELL, I THINK THAT'S ALL I NEED TO KNOW.

WE'LL BE IN TOUCH. THANK YOU, CODY.

NO, THANK YOU, MR. JOHNSON. AND BY THE WAY,

IF YA PICK ME, THERE MIGHT BE A FREE TIPTON BATHROBE IN IT FOR YA!

'NUFF SAID.

MADDIE!

I CAN EXPLAIN!

I HOPE SO.

THE ANIMAL LEAGUE HAS CANCELLED MY AWARD

AND NO ONE RETURNS MY EMAILS,

EVEN WHEN I USE A CUTE LITTLE SMILEY FACE.

SEE, THIS IS WHAT I MEANT BY RUMORS HURTING PEOPLE.

EVEN THOUGH IN THIS CASE

THE PERSON MAY NOT HAVE EVEN KNOWN THEY WERE STARTING IT.

AND THEY'RE PROBABLY REALLY, REALLY, REALLY SORRY.

NOT AS REALLY, REALLY, REALLY SORRY AS THEY'LL BE WHEN THEY GET FIRED.

MOSEBY SAID HE HAD A LEAD. [GASPS]

ESTEBAN, I KNOW YOU KNOW WHO GOSSIPED ABOUT LONDON.

WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?

BECAUSE YOU WERE SEEN

SKIPPING DOWN THE HALLWAY SINGING,

"I KNOW WHO IT IS, I KNOW WHO IT IS, I--"

WHO IS IT? HA HA. HELLO.

I WILL NOT RAT OUT A FELLOW EMPLOYEE.

SPILL IT, OR I'LL HAVE YOU TRANSFERRED TO THE TIPTON IN SIBERIA!

IT STARTS WITH "CHUH" AND RHYMES WITH "UCK."

WHO'S CH-DUCK?

HE'S SAYING IT WAS CHUCK.

CHUCK! I WANT HIM DEPORTED!

WELL, YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM DEPORTED. HE'S FROM NEW JERSEY.

UH, CHUCK, FRONT AND CENTER, PLEASE!

IS IT TRUE THAT YOU TALKED TO A REPORTER

ABOUT MISS TIPTON'S PRIVATE LIFE?

NO! I DIDN'T TALK TO ANY REPORTER.

WELL, I GUESS IT'S NOT HIM.

TOO BAD. CASE CLOSED. WHO WANTS TO GO FOR PIZZA?!

CHUCK, YOU'RE FIRED. YOU GET YOUR PASSPORT AND GO BACK TO NEW JERSEY!

LONDON, MR. MOSEBY,

YOU CAN'T FIRE CHUCK.

HE DIDN'T TALK TO THE REPORTER. I DID.

[ALL GASP]

MADDIE, WHY WOULD YOU DO SUCH A THING? I'M SURPRISED AT YOU.

YEAH! I THOUGHT YOU NEVER GOSSIPED!

WELL, I DIDN'T DO IT ON PURPOSE.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT WOMAN WAS A REPORTER.

OH, SO YOU JUST GOSSIP ABOUT ME IN GENERAL?

ONLY BECAUSE YOU GOSSIPED ABOUT ME,

AND IT SPREAD THROUGH THE WHOLE HOTEL!

WELL, YOU GOSSIPED ABOUT ME, AND IT SPREAD ALL OVER THE WORLD!

BUT YOU STARTED IT! NUH-UH!

UH-HUH!

OH, DON'T YOU UH-HUH MY NUH-UH!

I THINK YOU ARE BOTH AT FAULT HERE.

AND I THINK WE CAN ALL LEARN SOMETHING FROM THIS.

EVEN THOUGH GOSSIPING IS AN IRRESISTIBLE TEMPTATION,

ON ANY LEVEL, GOSSIP IS HURTFUL.

THE BEST WAY TO NOT SPREAD IT

IS TO NOT LISTEN TO IT...

LONDON.

MADDIE, I'M SORRY I STARTED ALL THIS.

NEXT TIME I SEE YOU LIP-LOCKING,

I'LL COME TO YOU FIRST BEFORE I START TELLING PEOPLE.

THAT'S ALL I ASK.

AND I'M SORRY I LET MY ANGER GET THE BETTER OF ME.

AND I'M SORRY ABOUT THE THINGS I WROTE ABOUT YOU IN THE STAFF LOUNGE.

[GASPS]

GREAT. WE HAVE A STAFF LOUNGE BUT NO DUNGEON?

JUST WHAT I NEED-- ANOTHER ROOM FOR YOU TO TORTURE ME IN.

WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

I'M STILL TRAPPED IN THE HOTEL BY THOSE PHOTOGRAPHERS.

WELL, IF YOU TELL EVERYONE THAT RUMOR ABOUT ME AND LANCE WAS UNTRUE,

THEN I'LL COME UP WITH A PLAN TO CONVINCE PEOPLE

YOU'RE SWEET, KIND, AND CARING TO ALL ANIMALS.

HOW ARE WE GONNA DO THAT?

WE'LL FAKE SOMETHING.

OK, POOPARAZZI PEOPLE,

YOU ARE TO TELL NO ONE THAT I LET YOU COME IN HERE.

I AM DOING THIS OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF MY HEART.

THERE SHE IS.

HELP ME, PLEASE! MY CHINCHILLA HAS FAINTED!

HELP, I THINK HE'S DYING!

DON'T WORRY, LITTLE BOY--

WHOM I HAVE NEVER MET BEFORE--

I WILL SAVE YOUR BELOVED CHINCHILLA!

YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT MOUTH-TO-MOUTH!

I DO? YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THAT!

I'M SAYING IT NOW.

GIVE THE CHINCHILLA THE KISS OF LIFE!

All: OH!

[INHALES]

All: AW!

HE'S BREATHING!

YAY! YAY!

YOU SAVED HIM, KIND LADY,

WHO I HAVE NEVER MET BEFORE. THANK YOU!

[COUGH, COUGH]

FUR BALL.

All: EEW!

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

HELLO?

YES, HE IS.

CODY, IT'S MR. JOHNSON FROM THE "WEEK IN WASHINGTON" PROGRAM.

I DON'T WANNA TALK TO HIM...

EVER SINCE I MESSED UP MY INTERVIEW.

YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT YOU DID REALLY WELL.

YOU WOULD!

WELL, SOMEBODY BETTER TAKE THE CALL!

THIS IS CODY.

I HAVE?

YOU DID?

I AM?!

THANK YOU! BYE!

I'M IN!

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!

MR. JOHNSON SAID THEY WANT ME

BECAUSE OF MY GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR

AND REFRESHING PERSONALITY!

SO I GUESS YOU DIDN'T DO SUCH A BAD JOB AFTER ALL.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

I DID A GREAT JOB.

AY, AY, AY, AY, AY!