Original subtitles

OK, HERE'S THE COURSE.

DOWN THE STREET, TO THE PARK,

MAKE A 180 AROUND THE STATUE, AVOIDING THE PIGEON POOP,

GRIND THE BENCH, AND BACK.

WE CAN'T. THE POLICE HAVE BLOCKED THE STREET OFF.

AW, MAN, I HOPE IT'S NOT THE PRESIDENT AGAIN.

THE LAST TIME HE WAS HERE, IT WAS A TOTAL ZOO.

[CIRCUS MUSIC PLAYING]

THIS IS BETTER THAN A ZOO!

YEAH, IT'S A CIRCUS!

AND IT'S RUN AWAY TO US!

ROOM FOR ONE, SIR?

OH! WELL! HEH HEH!

GUESS THAT'LL BE A ROOM FOR TWO.

UNLESS THERE'S SOMEONE IN YOUR HAT.

THIS SURE BEATS LAST WEEK

WHEN THE ORTHODONTISTS CONVENTION CHECKED IN.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY ABC CABLE NETWORKS GROUP

♪ HERE I AM IN YOUR LIFE ♪

♪ HERE YOU ARE IN MINE ♪

♪ GUESS WE HAVE A SUITE LIFE MOST OF THE TIME ♪

♪ MOST OF THE TIME ♪

♪ YOU AND ME GOT THE WORLD TO SEE ♪

♪ SO COME ON DOWN ♪

♪ JUST ME AND YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO ♪

♪ SO COME ON DOWN ♪

♪ IT'S YOU AND ME AND ME AND YOU ♪

♪ WE GOT THE WHOLE PLACE TO OURSELVES ♪

♪ YOU AND ME, WE GOT IT ALL FOR FREE ♪

♪ SO COME ON DOWN ♪

♪ THIS IS THE SUITE LIFE ♪

♪ WE'VE GOT A SUITE LIFE ♪

HEY, SWEET THING.

WHAT'S THE SPECIAL TODAY?

I HOPE IT'S TALL, BLONDE, AND CURVY.

SORRY. FRESH OUT.

NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, MY PROM COMMITTEE WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE.

PROM, HUH? SO WHO ARE YOU GOING WITH?

NO ONE. YET!

I'M HOLDING OUT FOR SOMEONE SPECIAL.

YOU KNOW, SOMEONE HANDSOME AND SWEET,

FUNNY, AND SMART.

WHEN YOU SAY SMART, DO YOU MEAN LIKE SOMEONE

WHO JUST GOT AN 85 IN HIS VOCABULARY QUIZ?

OUT OF 100?

YEP.

OH! WOW, THAT'S GREAT.

YOU KNOW, MR. PERFECT COULD BE CLOSER

THAN YOU THINK.

IN FACT, HE CAN BE RIGHT IN THIS VERY ROOM.

YES!

MR. MOSEBY, YOU GOTTA SEE THIS! IT'S SO COOL!

THIS GUY WALKS DOWN STAIRS,

BUT THERE ARE NO STAIRS!

I KNOW. I'VE SEEN IT BEFORE.

YEAH, BUT NOT LIKE THIS. COME ON, DO IT.

DO IT, DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!

NOW WATCH ME, MR. MOSEBY.

MAURICE THINKS I'M REALLY GOOD.

OK, NEXT STOP THE BASEMENT.

HERE I GO.

SEE, IT LOOKS LIKE I'M WALKING DOWN STAIRS,

BUT I'M REALLY JUST CROUCHING FORWARD A LITTLE MORE EACH TIME.

SO IT LOOK LIKE I'M WALKING DOWN STAIRS, BUT I'M REALLY NOT.

AREN'T MIMES SUPPOSED TO BE SILENT?

WHERE DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD HAVE OUR PROM, MADDIE?

MADDIE? MADDIE!

HUH?

SHOULD WE USE THE GYM FOR PROM?

EW, NO! IT SMELLS LIKE SOCKS.

THIS IS JEFF'S LAST YEAR AND HE DESERVES A PROM

HE'LL REMEMBER FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.

OR AT LEAST THROUGH THE SUMMER.

HA HA HA! YOU'RE SO WITTY.

AHEM!

HEY, WHAT IF WE HELD THE PROM HERE AT THE TIPTON?

WOW, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.

HEH HEH! HELLO! WE CAN'T AFFORD THIS HOTEL.

OH, YOU MIGHT WANT TO TRY LOU'S BUDGET GROTTO.

CAN'T. THAT'S WHERE WE HAD OUR SPRING FLING.

EXCUSE ME, DO YOU EVEN GO TO OUR SCHOOL?

NO, BUT HER FATHER OWNS THIS HOTEL.

OH! HAVE A SEAT.

LONDON, DO YOU THINK YOU COULD TALK TO MOSEBY

ABOUT GETTING THE BALLROOM FOR OUR PROM?

SURE. THANK YOU!

YOU ARE AWESOME!

OH, I HELP LOVING THE POOR AND NEEDY.

WE'RE NOT A CHARITY.

HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT YOU'RE WEARING?

HEY, MY UNCLE'S A BUTCHER. I'M SURE HE COULD

GET US SOME FREE MEAT AND STUFF.

OH! OH, I LOVE MEAT AND STUFF.

OH!

SO I WAS THINKING FOR THE BAND

THAT GROUP THAT PLAYED AT SISTER BERNICE'S RETIREMENT.

OH, THE DISCIPLES! THEY'RE HOT!

NOT ANYMORE. JUDAS WENT SOLO.

WHY DON'T YOU GET SOMEONE BIG LIKE MAROON 5?

UM, OUR BUDGET WOULDN'T BUY A TICKET TO ONE OF THEIR CONCERTS.

I CAN GET THEM FOR FREE. DUH!

I'VE GOT THEM ON SPEED DIAL.

YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE!

I KNOW.

LONDON, COULD I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?

STOP MAKING JEFF THINK YOU'RE FABULOUS!

I WANT HIM TO THINK I'M FABULOUS.

WELL, IS HE RICH?

NO, BUT HE'S SWEET, KIND, SMART AND FUNNY.

LOSER. YOU CAN HAVE HIM.

Cody: HEY, MOM, CHECK IT OUT.

I'M TRAPPED INSIDE A BOX.

UH-HUH.

NOW I'M WALKING A DOG.

WELL, MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T GO ON THE CARPET.

WHOA!

MOM, WHERE'S YOUR RAZOR? WHY?

EVER HEARD OF THING CALLED MORNING STUBBLE?

I'VE HEARD OF IT. I'VE JUST NEVER SEEN IT ON YOUR FACE.

IT'S BECAUSE MADDIE LIKES A CLEAN-SHAVEN MAN.

WELL, YOU GOT THAT GOING FOR YOU,

BUT I THINK YOUR EXPECTATIONS

ARE ABOUT 4 OR 5 YEARS AHEAD OF YOUR FACE.

I'VE GOT SOMETHING SPECIAL WITH MADDIE.

I LOVE HER, AND SHE LOVES ME.

SHE JUST... DOESN'T KNOW IT YET.

DOOFUS!

CODY, COULD YOU WALK YOUR DOG IN YOUR ROOM FOR A MINUTE?

I CAN'T HEAR. I'M TRAPPED INSIDE A BOX.

GO OR I'LL SHIP YOU AND YOUR BOX OUT OF THE COUNTRY.

YOU KNOW, ZACK, YOU DO REALIZE

THAT THERE'S A BIT OF AN AGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND MADDIE.

SO? WHEN I'M 17, SHE'LL BE 20.

WE CAN GET MARRIED IN 48 STATES.

PLUS GUAM.

I CHECKED.

HONEY, YOU ARE ADORABLE,

BUT MADDIE'S PROBABLY INTERESTED IN BOYS HER OWN AGE.

I MEAN AFTER ALL, SHE'S 3 1/2 YEARS OLDER THAN YOU.

BUT THE PROBLEM IS HE'S 3 1/2 YEARS OLDER THAN ME.

I MEAN DO YOU REALLY THINK SOME LAME SCHOOL DANCE

WILL MAKE JEFF FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU?

NO! THAT'S WHY I NEED MAROON 5.

THAT IS SO COMPLETELY SUPERFICIAL AND SHALLOW.

I AM SO PROUD!

MAY I POUR YOU SOME MORE GENERIC POWDERED FRUIT DRINK?

IT'S GRAPLE.

ZACK, YOU'RE SO CUTE.

MADDIE, WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR, A BABY?

WELL, I AM BABY-SITTING.

YOU'RE ADULT-SITTING, BABY.

OK, YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE NOT THE SAME

LITTLE KIDS YOU WERE 2 MONTHS AGO.

THAT'S RIGHT! I'M A GUY WITH MANY MATURE INTERESTS.

SUCH AS?

POLITICS, CULTURE,

PG-13 MOVIES.

WILL YOU SHUT UP?!

I MADE YOU A SPECIAL DESSERT.

OH, SPEAKING OF DESSERT,

HOW WOULD YOU GUYS LIKE TO SERVE SOME AT MY PROM?

MOSEBY'S CHARGING ME SO MUCH FOR THE BALLROOM

WE CAN AFFORD CATERING.

HEY, IF YOU'RE IN TROUBLE, WE'RE THERE FOR YOU.

I'M YOUR MAN. THAT'S WHAT MEN DO.

WILL YOU LEAVE?

HE'S SUCH A CHILD.

[DOOR CLOSES]

NOW IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I COULD HELP YOU WITH?

WELL, OK, THERE IS ONE THING I'M A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH,

AND NEED TO PRACTICE.

KISSING?

NO! SLOW DANCING.

I KNOW HOW TO SLOW DANCE.

YOU DO?

SURE. SEE? MATURE INTERESTS.

[SLOW ROMANTIC SONG PLAYING]

OH, A ROMANTIC SONG.

HOW FORTUITOUS.

I TOLD YOU I GOT 85 ON MY VOCABULARY TEST.

MAY I HAVE THIS DANCE?

NOW POP YOUR ELBOW. NOT LIKE THAT.

NOW MAKE YOUR HAND A LIGHT LITTLE FEATHER.

LOVELY.

NOW I AM THE FRAME

AND YOU ARE THE PRETTY PICTURE.

FOLLOW ME. STEP BACK.

STEP FORWARD.

STEP BACK.

STEP FORWARD.

NOW UNDER THE BRIDGE.

NOW BACK UNDER THE BRIDGE.

NOW TOGETHER. APART.

TOGETHER AND 'ROUND, 'ROUND, 'ROUND, 'ROUND, 'ROUND, 'ROUND, 'ROUND,

'ROUND, 'ROUND, DIP!

HEY, YOU'RE PRETTY GOOD. THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW, WITH YOUR MOVES AND YOUR IMPRESSIVE VOCABULARY,

ALL YOU NEED IS A TUX TO BE THE PERFECT PROM DATE.

OH! HEY, KIDS!

ZACK, TIME TO TAKE A BATH, GET IN YOUR JAMMIES.

THANKS, MOM! WAY TO KILL A MOOD!

SO HOW WAS YOUR SHOW TONIGHT?

WELL, ACTUALLY, I ROCKED!

HEH HEH HEH! THANKS FOR BABY-SITTING.

WE HAD A GREAT TIME. YOU KNOW, ZACK'S A WONDERFUL DANCER.

HE REALLY BLEW ME AWAY.

HEY, WHO ARE YOU GOING TO THE PROM WITH?

NO ONE. NOBODY ASKED YOU?

WELL, ACTUALLY A COUPLE OF GUYS ASKED ME,

BUT NOT THE RIGHT ONE.

CAN'T YOU ASK HIM?

I DON'T THINK SO. THERE'S KIND OF AN AGE DIFFERENCE.

IT'S AWKWARD.

HOW MUCH OF AN AGE DIFFERENCE?

ABOUT 3 YEARS.

THAT'S NOT SO BAD.

WELL, I WAS GONNA SAY SOMETHING TO HIM,

BUT THEN I CHICKENED OUT.

SO NOW I'M HOPING WHEN WE MEET ON THE DANCE FLOOR

THINGS WILL JUST FALL INTO PLACE.

I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

MADDIE WANTS ME TO DANCE WITH HER AT THE PROM!

I BETTER PRACTICE MY KISSING.

DON'T LOOK AT ME!

WAIT UNTIL MADDIE SEES ME IN THIS TUX.

SHE'LL REALIZE AGE IS JUST A NUMBER

AND WE'LL NO LONGER HAVE TO HIDE OUR LOVE.

Cody: OH, PLEASE! DO YOU REALIZE

HOW RIDICULOUS YOU'RE BEING?

ME? HAVE YOU LOOKED IN THE MIRROR LATELY?

[ELEVATOR PINGS]

THIS IS THE TRADITIONAL COSTUME OF LE MIME.

IT ALSO HAPPENS TO BE THE TRADITIONAL COSTUME OF LE DORK.

WOW! YOU LOOK...WOW!

YOU LOOK PRETTY "WOW" YOURSELF. HEH!

AND YOU LOOK...WHOA.

HEY, THANKS AGAIN FOR HELPING OUT WITH THE PROM.

I JUST WANT EVERYTHING TO BE PERFECT.

IT WILL BE.

HEY, MAURICE!

I'VE DECIDED TO TAKE A VOW OF SILENCE JUST LIKE YOU.

I MEAN, LET ME TELL YOU, IT'S NOT EASY.

IT'S ONLY BEEN ABOUT 2 MINUTES

AND I'M HAVING A REAL TOUGH TIME WITH IT.

BUT YOU, 30 YEARS? YOU'RE MY HERO!

HOW DO YOU DO IT? I MEAN DON'T YOU EVER GET FRUSTRATED?

AND HOW DO YOU ORDER TAKE OUT?

MAN, I'LL BET YOUR PHONE BILL IS LIKE ZERO! HA!

UNH!

HEY, COME BACK! UNTIE ME!

OH, HE'S GOOD!

OH! WOW! THE PLACE LOOKS GREAT.

WHY ISN'T ANYBODY DANCING?

BECAUSE THERE'S NO MAROON 5. WHERE'S MAROON 5? HMM?

HOPEFULLY TAKING A 5?

AT LEAST WE HAD A D.J. AT LOU'S BUDGET GROTTO.

AW, JEFF!

MADDIE, BAD NEWS.

MAROON 5 HAD A LAST MINUTE BENEFIT CONCERT FOR WHALES.

SO LAME! I MEAN I'VE BEEN TO THAT COUNTRY.

IT'S PERFECTLY NICE.

LONDON, THIS IS THE BIGGEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE.

YOU PROMISED ME MAROON 5!

DON'T WORRY. I FOUND YOU SOMEONE EVEN BETTER.

HE WAS ON TOUR WITH MADONNA.

[PLAYING BRIGHT MELODY]

OK. SO HE DROVE THE TOUR BUS,

BUT YOU'VE GOT TO ADMIT, FOR A BUS DRIVER, HE ROCKS.

NO, HE DOESN'T. HE STINKS!

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. HE DOES. OH, WELL.

THIS IS HORRIBLE.

TONIGHT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE.

SHE'S RIGHT. THIS IS HORRIBLE.

TONIGHT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE.

DON'T WORRY, MADDIE. I'LL GET THIS PARTY STARTED.

KICK IT!

[PLAYING LIGHT MELODY]

LOOK, I'M A ROBOT. SEE?

OH, NO, I'M DOOMED.

LEAVE EVERYTHING TO ME, MADDIE.

HEY, MAURICE.

NO, NO, DON'T RUN!

YOU'RE CONFUSING ME WITH MY TWIN BROTHER.

I'VE GOT A QUESTION FOR YOU AND YOUR TROUPE.

DO YOU GUYS LIKE ACCORDION MUSIC?

ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SOME FREE COCKTAIL WEENIES?

LOOK, THE GIRL I LOVE'S IN THERE.

HER PARTY IS A DISASTER, AND IF I CAN FIX IT

I'LL BE HERO,

AND ONE DAY WHEN WE GET MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS,

I'LL TELL THEM OF THIS NIGHT,

AND HOW CIRCUS PEOPLE ARE GOOD, KIND,

CARING PEOPLE,

AND NOT HORRIBLE, HIDEOUS FREAKS LIKE EVERYONE THINGS.

NO, I WON'T GO FISH. YOU GO FISH!

SO WHAT COMPANY DO YOU TWO WORK FOR AGAIN?

I RENTED A LIMO FOR THIS?

I'LL NEVER LIVE THIS DOWN.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

WOW! THIS IS AMAZING!

DID YOU DO ALL THIS?

YEP. ALL FOR YOU.

SO YOU COULD HAVE THE BEST PROM EVER.

ZACK, I LOVE YOU!

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE JEFF'S FACE.

JEFF? THIS SENIOR I'M REALLY CRAZY ABOUT.

I HOPE HE HASN'T LEFT YET.

WAS IT SOMETHING I MIMED?

THIS PARTY ISN'T LAME.

SOMEONE TOLD IT'S LAME. I DON'T THINK IT'S LAME AT ALL.

WHOA! WOO! HA HA HA!

IN FACT, IT'S GOT KIND OF AN INFECTIOUS RHYTHM.

YOUR FOOT IS TAPPING!

OH, DON'T LET MY MAMA KNOW!

HA HA HA! WOO! HEY!

SO YOU SINGLE?

HEY, GOT A SISTER, SISTER?

LET ME GO!

HEY, ZACK, LOOKS LIKE MADDIE'S PLANS PANNED OUT.

YEAH. THEY PANNED OUT ALL RIGHT.

NOW SHE CAN SPEND THE REST OF THE NIGHT

WITH A GUY SHE REALLY WANTS TO BE WITH.

[SLOW SONG BEGINS TO PLAY]

HONEY, WHAT'S THE MATTER?

MADDIE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY DATE.

WHAT MADE YOU THINK THAT?

[SIGHS] WELL, THE OTHER NIGHT WHEN WE WERE DANCING

SHE SAID I'D BE THE PREFECT PROM DATE,

AND THEN I OVERHEARD HER TALKING TO YOU

ABOUT A GUY WHO SHE LIKED WHO WASN'T HER AGE AND--

YOU THOUGHT SHE MEANT YOU.

YEAH. MY ENGLISH TEACHER'S RIGHT.

I AM COMPLETELY UNKEMPT AT EVERYTHING.

I THINK YOU MEAN "INEPT," HONEY.

YOU SEE?!

NOW, ZACK, YOU KNOW IT'S NOT TRUE.

FORGET IT. I'M GONNA FINISH

SERVING THE COCKTAIL WEENIES AND GO TO BED.

OH, THERE YOU ARE. HEH HEH HEH!

JEFF, LOOK, ISN'T IT AMAZING?

ISN'T IT THE PROM YOU ALWAYS DREAMED OF?

IT LOOKS GREAT.

BUT I REALIZE THE PROM I ALWAYS DREAMED OF

HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH LOCATION OR THEME OR MUSIC.

THAT WHAT WOULD MAKE IT PERFECT IS JUST ME

DANCING WITH THE GIRL I LOVE.

OHH! AND NOW YOU CAN.

YOU'RE RIGHT, I CAN.

AMY! WHO?

MY GIRLFRIEND. SHE GOES TO YALE.

I WAS AFRAID SHE WOULDN'T MAKE IT.

THANKS FOR HELPING WITH THE PROM.

YOU DID A GREAT JOB, KID.

I'M NOT A KID!

I'M A MATURE GROWN UP...WOMAN!

OH, THIS STINKS!

WHAT STINKS?

EVERYTHING. JEFF HAS A GIRLFRIEND.

I TAKE IT JEFF IS THE BOY YOU TOLD ME ABOUT THE OTHER NIGHT.

SISTER GENEVIEVE IS RIGHT.

I SHOULD JUST ENTER THE CONVENT.

WELL, NOW LET'S NOT BE TOO HASTY.

YOU'RE STILL YOUNG. THERE'S PLENTY OF TIME TO JOIN A CONVENT.

GREAT.

NOW EVERYONE AT THE PROM IS HAVING FUN EXCEPT ME.

WELL, ACTUALLY THERE IS ONE PERSON

WHO'S HAVING AN EVEN WORSE TIME.

WHO?

A VERY SAD LITTLE 12-YEAR-OLD BOY IN A TUX

WHO THOUGHT HE WAS YOUR DATE.

NO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FAT CONTENT IS!

JUST STICK IT IN THE MUSTARD,

STICK IT IN YOUR MOUTH AND WALK AWAY!

OH!

ENJOY YOUR PROM!

WE'RE OUT OF QUICHE.

OH, IT'S YOU.

WE NEED TO TALK.

I CAN'T RIGHT NOW.

I'M BUSY MAKING YOUR STINKING PROM SPECIAL.

LISTEN, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.

I DOUBT IT.

DISAPPOINTED.

HUMILIATED. DEVASTATED.

LIKE YOU'VE BEEN KICKED REPEATEDLY IN THE STOMACH.

YOU LEFT OUT NAUSEOUS.

BUT THAT MIGHT BE FROM THE 19 COCKTAIL WEENIES I ATE.

YOU ALWAYS OVEREAT WHEN YOU'RE UPSET.

NO, I DON'T!

WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING TO ME FOR?

DON'T YOU WANT TO SPEND YOUR PROM WITH YOUR BELOVED JEFF?

WELL, TURNS OUT JEFF HAS AN EXTREMELY

BEAUTIFUL COLLEGE GIRLFRIEND.

I GUESS TO HIM I'M JUST SOME SILLY KID.

WELCOME TO MY WORLD.

ZACK, YOU'RE VERY SPECIAL TO ME,

BUT YOU ARE STILL ONLY 12.

I NEED TO FIND SOMEONE MY OWN AGE AND SO DO YOU.

CAN'T YOU WAIT FOR ME?

I WISH I COULD.

BECAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA GROW UP TO BE A GREAT GUY

THAT ANY GIRL WOULD BE LUCKY TO DATE.

SO WHAT AGE DO YOU CONSIDER GROWN-UP? 13?

NO, MORE LIKE 18.

SO THEN...

2,189 DAYS FROM NOW WE HAVE A DATE?

I'VE ALSO BEEN DOING BETTER IN MATH.

WHY DID YOU SUDDENLY BECOME SO INTERESTED IN SCHOOL?

WHEN YOU SAID YOU WANTED SOMEONE SMART.

THAT MAY BE THE MOST WONDERFUL THING ANY BOY--

MAN HAS EVER SAID TO ME.

SO DOES THAT MEAN YOU'LL GO WITH ME TO MY PROM?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

I'LL DANCE WITH YOU AT YOUR PROM

IF YOU DANCE WITH ME AT MINE.

REALLY?! COME ON.

♪ SOMETIMES I LET MYSELF IMAGINE ♪

MAY I HAVE THIS DANCE?

♪ THAT YOU AND I COULD BE TOGETHER ♪

♪ YOUR TOUCH, YOUR KISS ♪

♪ YOU MAKE MY HEART BREAK OPEN WIDE ♪

♪ I KNOW I WANT WHAT I CAN'T HAVE ♪

♪ BUT I DREAM THE WORLD WILL GIVE ME ♪

♪ EVERYTHING I WANT AND MORE IN YOU ♪

WE HAVE COCKTAIL WEENIES, WE BACON MINI QUICHES,

WE HAVE BUFFALO WINGS-- MMM! SPICY!

WE HAVE MINI MEATBALLS, AVERAGE-SIZE MEATBALLS, AND GREAT BIG MEATBALLS.

WE CHICKEN KABOBS, LAMB KABOBS, AND CHICKEN AND LAMB KABOBS.

[FRENCH ACCENT] I AM A VEGETARIAN!

30 YEARS OF SILENCE DOWN THE DRAIN.

SPINACH DIP?