Original subtitles

LOVE YA.

HEY, BOBBY. THANKS. THANK YOU.

GREAT SHOW. THANK YOU.

HEY, CUTE GUY.

THIRD TABLE FROM THE LEFT.

MY LEFT, NOT YOUR--HI.

HI.

GANGWAY. COMING THROUGH. WATCH OUT.

ZACK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WINNING.

EXCUSE ME. HI, MOM.

CODY!

STOP. RIGHT NOW.

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND. I HAVE KIDS.

HELLO?

Cody: LOOK OUT.

LOOK OUT! I CAN'T STOP.

UNH.

WHAT IS GOING ON?

IF IT'S NOT ONE THING, IT'S--

MAMA!

AAH!

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY ABC CABLE NETWORKS GROUP

MR. MOSEBY, ARE YOU OK?

HERE AT THE TIPTON,

IT'S THE GUEST THAT MATTERS,

NOT THE MANAGER.

LOOK WHAT YOU GUYS DID.

YOU BROKE MR. MOSEBY.

YOU ARE SO GROUNDED.

WHEN YOU SAY GROUNDED,

DOES THAT INCLUDE THE POOL AND GYM?

ON THE 23rd FLOOR.

MR. MOSEBY, I'M SORRY.

I WON'T LET THEM DOWN HERE FOR A LONG, LONG TIME.

TILL THEY GO TO COLLEGE.

OR PRISON.

OY. OHH.

GUYS, JUST ONCE WOULD IT KILL YOU TO BEHAVE?

Both: UHH.

♪ HERE I AM IN YOUR LIFE ♪

♪ HERE YOU ARE IN MINE ♪

♪ YES, WE HAVE A SUITE LIFE ♪

♪ MOST OF THE TIME ♪

♪ YOU AND ME GOT THE WORLD TO SEE ♪

♪ SO COME ON DOWN ♪

♪ JUST ME AND YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO ♪

♪ SO COME ON DOWN ♪

♪ IT'S YOU AND ME AND ME AND YOU ♪

♪ WE GOT THE WHOLE PLACE TO OURSELVES ♪

♪ YOU AND ME, WE GOT IT ALL FOR FREE ♪

♪ SO COME ON DOWN ♪

♪ THIS IS THE SUITE LIFE ♪

♪ WE'VE GOT A SUITE LIFE ♪

Zack: IT'S THERE.

NO, IT ISN'T.

YES, IT IS.

RIGHT THERE. ARE YOU BLIND?

YOU CAN TOTALLY FEEL IT.

OW, YOU PULLED THE SKIN.

THAT'S 'CAUSE THERE'S NO HAIR THERE.

AND NO DEODORANT.

AW, YOU'RE LOOKING FOR ARMPIT HAIR.

Both: MOM!

MY LITTLE BOYS ARE BECOMING LITTLE MEN.

YOU SHOULD REALLY KNOCK.

WE DON'T WALK IN ON YOU.

ACTUALLY, YOU DO.

AND YOU BRING FRIENDS.

QUIT IT!

LOOK, WE'VE GOT TO TALK ABOUT LAST NIGHT.

WE DO NOT WANT A REPEAT

OF THE DREAM VALLEY LODGE INCIDENT.

I SWEAR I THOUGHT IT WAS A BLACK CAT

WITH A WHITE STRIPE.

HERE'S A THOUGHT.

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE KEEP THIS JOB

AND GET YOU A BABYSITTER?

BABYSITTER?

W-WAIT, YOU JUST SAID WE WERE LITTLE MEN.

OK. A LITTLE MEN SITTER.

I WAS THINKING MAYBE MADDIE WHO WORKS IN THE GIFT SHOP.

SHE NEEDS THE MONEY.

OOH. MADDIE.

BABY'S GOT IT GOING ON.

SHE'S GOT WHAT GOING WHERE?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.

YEAH, YOU BETTER NOT.

HE DOESN'T.

YES, I DO. NO, YOU DON'T.

YES, I DO.

MR. MOSEBY. GOOD MORNING.

WHAT A SURPRISE.

Both: GOOD MORNING, MR. MOSEBY.

WHAT BRINGS YOU UP SO EARLY?

COULDN'T SLEEP.

NIGHTMARES.

ACTUALLY, I AM HERE TO DISCUSS YOUR BILL.

WHAT BILL?

ROOM AND BOARD ARE PART OF MY DEAL.

YES, ONLY YOU HAVE EXCEEDED

YOUR FIRST MONTH'S ALLOWANCE BY...

[GASPS]

BREATHE!

BREATHE, MOM. BREATHE.

[GASPS]

OH, MY.

MR. MOSEBY, YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.

I AM POWERLESS TO BE OTHERWISE.

I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED.

Man: ROOM SERVICE!

SOMEBODY ORDERED THE "I'M SORRY

FOR WHAT WE DID LAST NIGHT" BUFFET.

EGGS BENEDICT WITH CAVIAR?

MUST BE A MISTAKE.

WE ORDERED TOAST AND A RAISIN.

YOU GUYS ARE BLEEDING ME DRY HERE.

OH, MY MISTAKE.

THIS WAS MEANT FOR THE OTHER MOMMY

WITH TWINS ON THE 23rd FLOOR.

UH, I'M SORRY.

I DIDN'T--I MEAN THEY--THEY WERE--

I UNDERSTAND.

CHILDREN SOMETIMES CAN BE A BURDEN.

YOU HAVE KIDS?

NO, AND AFTER SEEING YOURS, NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

VIDEO GAMES, PAY PER VIEW--

YOU HAD YOUR UNDERWEAR DRY-CLEANED?

FEELS GOOD.

SIT.

NOW, LOOK, GUYS.

WE MAY LIVE IN A PALACE,

BUT WE'RE NOT ROYALTY.

I THINK YOU'RE A QUEEN, MOMMY.

AW. PUT A SOCK IN IT.

COME ON, GUYS.

THIS IS THE BEST GIG WE'VE EVER HAD,

AND WITHOUT IT, WE'RE BROKE.

WITH IT, WE'RE BROKE.

DON'T YOU GUYS REALIZE

WHAT A GREAT OPPORTUNITY THIS IS FOR US?

I DON'T HAVE TO GO OUT ON THE ROAD ANY MORE.

WE CAN ALL BE TOGETHER.

YEAH, I LIKE IT BETTER HERE THAN AT GRANDMA'S.

YEAH. LAST TIME, SHE DROPPED HER FALSE TEETH

IN MY CHOCOLATE MILK.

I REST MY CASE.

SO, PLEASE, BE GOOD.

Both: WE WILL.

Man: HEY, NO PHOTOGRAPHERS.

HEY, WE LIVE HERE.

I LIVE HERE, TOO.

HEY, CHECK IT OUT.

I FOUND 5 BUCKS IN MY POCKET.

THOSE ARE MY PANTS.

COOL. CANDY'S ON YOU. OK.

LET'S HITCH A RIDE.

SHOTGUN.

DRIVER, TO THE CANDY SHOP.

YOU GOT IT.

SHOULDN'T WE GIVE THE MONEY TO MOM?

NOT UNTIL SHE LEARNS TO MANAGE MONEY BETTER.

WE'RE BROKE.

HEY, MADDIE.

I WANT 2 ZABBABBAS, A SWEETIE TWEETIE,

AND 7-FOOT LICORICE CHAIN.

I SEE YOU'RE CUTTING DOWN.

SO, GUYS, I'VE COMPLETELY REORGANIZED THE CANDY DISPLAY.

NOW, TELL ME, WHAT DRAWS YOUR EYE?

YOU DO, SWEET THING.

PLEASE. SOME OF THIS CANDY IS OLDER THAN YOU.

Moseby: PAPARAZZI!

I CAN SMELL THEM.

WHOA.

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

THEY'RE WAITING FOR BOBBY CARILLO,

CENTER FIELDER FOR THE SOX,

AND URSULA THE LINGERIE MODEL.

THEY'RE GETTING MARRIED HERE ON SATURDAY.

DUDE, HE'S THE BEST PLAYER EVER.

AND SHE'S REAL GOOD AT WHAT SHE DOES.

OH, YEAH. TAKES REAL BRAINS TO SIT ON A HORSE IN YOUR UNDERWEAR.

[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

I MEAN, WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL?

MONEY, BABY.

TUCK.

HI.

WHAT DOES HE HAVE THAT I DON'T HAVE?

ARMPIT HAIR.

WORD ON THE STREET IS THE TABLOIDS ARE PAYING $20,000

FOR A SHOT OF THE BRIDE AND GROOM'S FIRST KISS.

YOU ARE SO PLUGGED IN.

THIS HOTEL DOESN'T RUN WITHOUT ME.

ARE YOU THINKING WHAT I'M THINKING?

YEAH! WHAT ARE YOU THINKIN'?

WE CAN TAKE A PICTURE OF THE KISS

AND WE'LL BE RICH.

WE CAN PAY MOM BACK.

AND WE'LL BE RICH.

WE WON'T BE BURDENS ANYMORE.

AND WE'LL BE RICH.

AND WHATEVER'S LEFT, WE CAN GIVE TO CHARITY.

I SWEAR, WE'RE NOT RELATED.

MADDIE, I NEED A CAMERA,

AND CHARGE IT, PLEASE.

CANDY.

THANK YOU.

Both: WE'RE RICH. WE'RE RICH. WE'RE RICH.

NOT QUITE. NOT QUITE.

NOBODY IS GETTING INTO THAT WEDDING

WITHOUT A PRINTED INVITATION.

HERE I AM. LITTLE ME, BACK FROM PARIS.

HELLO, MADDIE.

HI, LONDON.

SO, HOW ARE YOU GETTING INTO THE WEDDING?

MY DADDY OWNS THE HOTEL. DUH.

CAN YOU GET US IN?

YES, BUT I'M NOT GOING TO. DUH.

I FLY SOLO.

OH, YEAH. LIKE THAT TIME YOU LET YOURSELF

INTO THAT ROCK STAR'S ROOM WITH THE MASTER KEY.

JOHNNY RIP THOUGHT IT WAS ENDEARING.

HE EVEN WROTE ME.

THAT WAS A RESTRAINING ORDER.

LOOK, I'M GOING TO THAT WEDDING.

I'LL BE ON THE COVER OF THIS MAGAZINE,

AND YOU'LL BE SELLING IT. DUH.

WE'RE NEVER GONNA GET IN HERE.

THERE WILL BE SECURITY AT EVERY DOOR.

Moseby: AND THIS IS THE BALLROOM.

THIS WAY.

WHICH WE WILL MAGICALLY TRANSFORM

INTO YOUR WEDDING CHAPEL.

OH, MY.

WHERE WILL BEYONCÉ SING

DURING THE CEREMONY?

COPENHAGEN.

HER TOUR HAS BEEN EXTENDED.

YOU KNOW HOW THE DANES LIKE TO GET DOWN.

♪ HARUNKY DUNKY DUNKY ♪

I AM SICK OF DIVAS.

CAN'T WE JUST HAVE A NOBODY SINGER

WHO WILL ACTUALLY SHOW UP?

WE KNOW A NOBODY SINGER.

IT'S OUR MOM.

SHE'S A HUGE NOBODY.

BUT I'M SURE SHE'S STRETCHED WAY TOO THIN

WITH HER SHOW AND POLICING YOU.

SHE COULD HANDLE IT.

COME ON. SHE'S REHEARSIN' NOW.

UH, UH, BUT--

YOU'LL LOVE HER.

SHE WEARS YOUR UNDERWEAR,

BUT SHE LOOKS A LOT DIFFERENT.

♪ TO GET THROUGH IT ALL ♪

♪ JUST SING ♪

♪ JUST SING ♪

SHE'S GREAT. SHE'S GREAT.

ISN'T SHE GREAT?

MS. MARTIN'S MARVELOUS.

EVERYTHING AT THE TIPTON IS MARVELOUS.

WOW, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO THANK YOU.

THANK YOUR AGENTS.

OK. LET'S GET YOU 2 LOVEBIRDS OUT OF HERE

WITHOUT CAUSING A RIOT, SHALL WE?

SHE'S PERFECT.

OHH.

WHATEVER YOU WANT, YOU GOT IT.

GET US INTO THE WEDDING.

EXCEPT THAT.

YOU'RE GROUNDED, REMEMBER?

YOU MEANT THAT?

I'M DOING THE RIGHT THING.

OK. WE'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO FIND A WAY

INTO THAT WEDDING OURSELVES.

FORGET IT.

THERE IS NO WAY YOU ARE TALKING ME

INTO ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR IDIOTIC SCHEMES.

MAD DOG TO BIRD DOG.

ARE YOU IN POSITION?

AFFIRMATIVE.

I HAVE LOCATED THE MEZZANINE VENT.

HOPEFULLY, THIS ONE LEADS TO THE BALLROOM.

IT BETTER BECAUSE MAD DOG NEEDS

TO FIND A FIRE HYDRANT AND QUICK.

ROGER. I'M SENDING DOWN THE PROBE.

YOU MEAN THE GOLF BALL?

YES, THE GOLF BALL.

BINGO. WE FOUND IT, BIRD DOG.

AND WHAT HAVE WE FOUND?

UH...

MY 2-WAY.

Radio: GET OUT OF THERE BEFORE LARD BUTT MOSEBY SEES YOU.

CAN I JUST...

BIRD DOG, THIS IS LARD BUTT.

YOU DO ANYTHING TO DISRUPT THIS WEDDING,

AND IT WILL BE THE LAST SONG

YOUR MOTHER EVER SINGS AT THE TIPTON.

OVER AND YOU'RE ALMOST OUT.

NO, A DROMEDARY IS NOT A PLAY ABOUT MILK.

TA-DA!

WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

AND BE BRUTAL.

ANYONE LOOKS AT YOU AND THEY THINK...25.

AND?

AND NEVER HAD A KID.

YES! I'VE TRAINED THEM SO WELL.

OK, NOW, YOU GONNA STAY IN THE ROOM

AND DO EVERYTHING MADDIE SAYS?

YEP. GOOD.

DON'T BELIEVE THEM.

OK, GUYS. HEY.

DOUBLE KISSES.

GOOD-BYE AND GOOD NIGHT.

Carey: LOVE YOU.

Both: LOVE YOU.

WELL, I'M GONNA TAKE MY BATH NOW.

AND I'M GOING TO BRUSH MY TEETH

TO PREVENT DENTAL DECAY AND--

I HAVE ONE QUESTION ABOUT THIS.

WHAT IF WE GET CAUGHT?

MOSEBY WILL FIRE MOM.

WHO CARES?

WITH 20 GRAND, WE COULD BUY THE HOTEL

AND FIRE MOSEBY.

GOOD POINT.

NOW I NEED EXACTLY 35 MINUTES

TO GET THERE, GET THE PICTURE OF THE KISS, AND GET BACK.

RIGHT. YOU WANNA SYNCHRONIZE WATCHES?

I DON'T HAVE A WATCH.

THEN WE WON'T DO THAT.

TV: THAT'S RIGHT, BOB.

IT'S A STAR-STUDDED EVENT,

THE LIKES OF WHICH THIS TOWN HASN'T SEEN IN YEARS...

HEY, LOOK. YOU CAN SEE THE CELEBRITY GUESTS ARRIVING.

OR YOU CAN SEE IT RIGHT HERE ON TV.

OH, NO. I'M FALLING OUT THE WINDOW.

OW, OW, OW, OW, OW.

CHECK IT OUT.

A STRETCH S.U.V. LIMO.

OH, YEAH.

WAY TO WASTE OUR PLANET'S NATURAL RESOURCES,

MR. 6 MILES PER GALLON.

UH-OH.

I THINK I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM.

WHOA!

[THUD]

CODY. YOU OK?

I HEARD SOMEONE FALL.

THAT WAS ZACK.

RIGHT, ZACK?

YES, THAT WAS ME.

I'M NOT COORDINATED LIKE CODY.

OH, STOP.

AAAAAH! AAAAAH!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

CHECKING ON MY FATHER'S AIR CONDITIONING VENT.

[BANG BANG] LOOKS GOOD.

COULDN'T GET IN, HUH?

NO. [SIGHS]

AND MY BEST FRIEND PORTIA TENENBAUM IS GOING.

AND IF I'M NOT THERE, SHE'LL RUB IT IN MY FACE FOREVER.

NOW CRAWL.

MAN, IT STINKS IN HERE.

SORRY.

♪ IF EVER THERE WAS ♪

♪ A HEAVEN ON EARTH ♪

♪ IT'S HERE IN YOUR ARMS ♪

♪ YOU'VE ENDED MY SEARCH ♪

♪ IF EVER THERE WAS ♪

♪ A FEELING SO RIGHT ♪

♪ IT MUST BE THE WAY... ♪

IT'S A LONGER DROP THAN I THOUGHT.

DON'T WORRY. I HAVE YOU.

♪ AND AFTER ALL THE... ♪

[CRASH]

♪ IT'S WHEN IT'S LOVE... ♪

I'M OK.

MY HEAD BROKE THE FALL.

ZACK, CODY. WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE?

OPEN THIS DOOR.

I THOUGHT ZACK WAS TAKING THE BATH.

YEAH, BUT HE SPLASHED ME.

NOT NICE, ZACK!

LET ME TALK TO ZACK.

OK. YOU'RE THE BABYSITTER.

SHE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU, ZACK.

OK, CODY.

HERE I COME, MADDIE.

YES.

CAN YOU MAKE THIS FAST?

THERE'S A DRAFT.

OH, IS THAT RIGHT?

THEN I'LL JUST TALK TO CODY.

YOU WOMEN AND YOUR MOODS.

SHE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU, CODY.

OK, ZACK.

THANK YOU, CODY.

YOU'RE WELCOME, ZACK.

CODY HERE.

YOUR SWEATSHIRT'S ON BACKWARDS.

WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

WHOA!

WHERE IS HE?

I'LL NEVER RAT HIM OUT.

NOT IN A MILLION YEARS.

NOT IN A BILLION--

HE'S IN AN AIR CONDITIONING DUCT

ON THE WAY TO THE WEDDING TO GET THE PICTURE

OF THE $20,000 KISS.

GRR.

OW. OW. OW. OW. OW.

ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS MAKE A LITTLE EXTRA MONEY

SO I CAN BUY MYSELF A FEW NICE THINGS

BECAUSE SOME OF US HAVE TO WORK FOR A LIVING

AND DON'T GET SENT TO PARIS AS A PUNISHMENT

FOR BREAKING INTO JOHNNY RIP'S ROOM.

MAN, IT STINKS IN HERE.

SORRY.

Carey: ♪ OOH, IT'S YOURS ♪

♪ AND MINE... ♪

HOTEL SECURITY, AND STEP ON IT.

Reverend: TO BE YOUR HUSBAND,

TO LOVE AND TO HONOR...

COME ON, J.LO. MOVE YOUR BUTT.

BY THE POWER VESTED...

OH, NO. WE'RE TOO LATE.

YES.

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU...

I MEAN, DARN.

YOU MAY NOW KISS THE BRIDE.

HEY, THAT SCUM'S GOT A CAMERA.

CAMERA IN THE BALLROOM.

Man: GET HIM! STOP HIM!

HEY. ZACK.

OVER HERE.

WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE?

SAVING YOUR BUTT BEFORE I KICK IT.

IS THAT A THREAT OR A PROMISE?

UGH. COME ON. STRETCH.

I CAN'T REACH YOU.

PSST. LONDON.

I NEED YOUR HELP.

GIVE ME A BOOST.

GET DOWN ON ALL FOURS.

LIKE, I'M SURE.

I WASN'T EVEN HERE.

TAKE HER PICTURE.

NOW YOU WERE.

WHEN I INHERIT THIS HOTEL,

YOU'RE SO FIRED.

OH, YOU'LL BE TOO BUSY GETTING FACE LIFTS.

Maddie: OK, I'VE ONLY BABYSAT YOU GUYS FOR 30 MINUTES.

WHAT DO YOU DO NOW,

ROB A CASINO?

WE DON'T HAVE TO.

WE HIT THE JACKPOT TONIGHT.

BUSTED.

[ALL SCREAMING]

OH, CAREY, YOU ARE GREAT.

COME HERE.

OH.

MS. MARTIN, I FOUND THESE 2 RUG RATS

IN OUR AIR CONDITIONING VENT.

WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY?

EXACTLY. THEY COULD HAVE DAMAGED THE VENT.

THEY COULD HAVE GOTTEN HURT.

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

NO, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU WERE THINKING.

YOU WEREN'T THINKING AT ALL.

THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE THINKING.

YOU WERE GLORIOUS.

OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WELL?!

WE WANTED TO HEAR YOU SING.

WELL, THEN LISTEN AT THE DOOR

WHEN I'M IN THE SHOWER.

WATCH THE UNIFORM.

IT'S RENTED.

WHAT HAPPENED? MUST I BE EVERYWHERE?

JERK PHOTOGRAPHER CRASHED THE WEDDING.

DON'T MOVE.

I HATE THOSE PEOPLE.

HOW COULD HE DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

MAYBE HE REALLY NEEDED THE MONEY.

BECAUSE HE LOVES HIS MOM.

I DON'T CARE WHAT HIS REASON IS.

IT'S AN INVASION OF PRIVACY.

THOSE PEOPLE ARE JUST LOW-LIFE, GREEDY SCUM.

THIS IS FOR YOU.

WE DIDN'T SNEAK IN THE VENT TO HEAR YOU SING.

WE SNUCK INTO THE AIR CONDITIONING VENT

TO TAKE THE $20,000 PICTURE.

WHAT? WHAT?

I AM SO FIRED.

WE WANTED TO PAY YOU BACK THE MONEY.

WE WANTED TO STOP BEING BURDENS.

COME HERE.

I WAS TRYING TO STOP THEM.

BETTER MEN THAN YOU HAVE TRIED.

NOW, LISTEN.

YOU'RE NOT BURDENS, OK?

IT'S MY JOB TO MAKE THE MONEY, NOT YOURS.

YOUR JOB IS TO BE THE KIDS AND HAVE FUN.

AND PARENTS TAKE CARE OF CHILDREN.

CHILDREN DON'T TAKE CARE OF PARENTS,

EVEN IF THEY ARE BECOMING LITTLE MEN.

UNDERSTAND?

YEP. SORRY.

MAYBE I DID COME ON KINDA STRONG

ABOUT THE WHOLE BEING BROKE THING.

I REALLY SHOULDN'T HAVE WORRIED YOU LIKE THAT.

I WAS...WRONG.

SO, WHAT YOU'RE REALLY SAYING IS

THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT AND WE'RE NOT REALLY PUNISHED?

NICE TRY.

YEAH, YOU'RE GROUNDED FOR ANOTHER WEEK.

WHEN YOU SAY GROUNDED--

ON THE 23rd FLOOR.

RACE YA UPSTAIRS. GO!

HEY!

DON'T RUN! DON'T RUN!

LOOK OUT!

NO!