Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

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fences, scale the yards

streets, no handlebars

from bullies and crooks

don't call our bluff

it's one for all

- This is the first year my dad's trusted me

in the movie room alone.

His dad's collection of movies

are not only legendary but some of the titles are priceless.

There is even one section devoted to movies

that were made and not released by the studios.

The crown jewel of this section is "The Blue Shadow."

It's a comic book adaptation about a superhero

who straddles the line between justice and vengeance.

The movie is so rare,

its existence has become an urban legend.

Now that I'm old enough to watch it,

there's no way I'm only watching it when I visit my dad.

Have you packed?

- I don't feel like going.

this is a chance to make some friends

before school starts.

- I don't feel good.

You're just nervous.

- What if they don't like me?

- They wouldn't have invited you if they didn't like you.

- I have no delusions about the invitation.

My social skills are nonexistent.

The amount of meds I need to calm my anxiety

could kill an elephant.

He hasn't made one friend

since he moved here last year,

and now that summer's coming to an end,

his friend count is still the only zero.

"The Blue Shadow!"

The only reason he got an invite

is because he told the kid at the pool he had a copy

of "The Blue Shadow."

- I can stay home by myself!

Not while I'm out of town.

- But my stomach really hurts!

Do you need to go pee pee, poo poo?

- I'm not a baby, Mom!

Sorry.

You need to drop the kids off at the pool or drop a deuce

or whatever 5th graders are saying these days?

- Gross, Mom.

I'm loading up your bike.

I don't want my bike.

- Henry, come on, let's go!

- I'm coming!

- Your dad called.

- Why?

'Cause he loves you.

- No, what did he want?

Well, he got you tickets opening weekend

to "Nipper 2: The Golden Kabob."

- Anything else? - No.

- The skinny dude is Stats.

The smelly, crazy-looking one is Stink.

They're part of the Mingo Valley Film Club.

Let's see it.

Open it.

No, without the ceremony.

- Do you guys wanna see something?

- Sure.

There she is, Ava Anderson.

I live in her neighborhood.

- And Stink has exactly .047% chance

of Ava Anderson ever liking him.

- You wanna see Stats' girlfriend?

- You're disgusting. - You're not.

- I've heard rumors of Dream Girl

but never seen her in person.

Dream Girl is the kind of girl

that makes guys forget their names

and wish they'd used the entire stick of deodorant.

- The brat. - There's the brat.

- He has kind of a long neck.

- What's up, Stats?

- Not a chance, not a chance. You Henry, right?

- Yeah, but you can call me Retro

'cause I bring the old-school movies.

- Hey, I come up with the nicknames,

Dough Head, and you don't have one.

- This is Chip.

He's the only kid in the neighborhood

who took a chances against the McGuffin brothers.

- How'd you get a copy of "The Blue Shadow"?

- My dad collects rared movies. I borrowed it from him.

- Open it.

- Not until the ceremony.

- No, no. Pizza first.

- Well, this is "The Blue Shadow." We can make an exception.

- This is "The Blue Shadow." Respect the ceremony.

- Boys, pizza!

Pizza!

- Yes, thank you. - Pizza!

Oh, no, no, no, no. No food upstairs.

- But we have "The Blue Shadow."

- Yeah. You think I don't know that?

- Oh.

- Would you rather?

Would you rather toss your cookies

every time you hear the word pizza or never eat pizza again?

- Toss my cookies every time we hear the word pizza.

- Pizza.

- Would you rather rip one out loud in class everyday

for a week or smell like butt for the whole year?

- Rip one in class.

- You literally already do that.

And it smells like butt.

Yeah.

- Would you rather stand up to the McGuffin brothers

or go to school in your underwear?

- Underwear. - Underwear.

- Neither.

- Come on, man. You gotta choose.

- Underwear.

I've seen this kind of friendship

in movies but never in real life.

If Henry plays his cards right,

he could be one of the guys, maybe even get a cool nickname

like Chip, Stats, or Stink.

All he'd have to do is not blow it.

He has never not blown it.

- You do one.

- Do it.

Would you rather,

ooh, be a superhero named Booger Boy or Sir Snots a Lot?

- It's an interesting question.

- They both have snot-centered superpowers.

- Booger Boy could shoot radioactive books from his nose.

- But Sir Snots a Lot could shoot a string

of radioactive snot.

- And swing from buildings with strands of snot,

like Spiderman but super gross.

- Their arch enemy is Captain Clean.

- They used to work for Captain Clean until one day,

Captain Clean was trying

to create the ultimate crime-fighting tissue.

There was an accident at the lab,

and his assistant Jack and Stan were covered

in a radioactive material that turned them

into Booger Boy and Sir Snots a Lot.

Together, they try to cover the world in boogers and snot.

Thank you.

- What in the name of Hernandon is going on here?

- We have "The Blue Shadow."

- Ugh, where's your mother? - Upstairs.

- Dude, your dad is mad.

- Hey, - Hi!

- so quick question for ya. - Okay.

- What's with all the kids in the kitchen?

- Stop, really? It's "The Blue Shadow" tonight!

- She knows what she did.

See, rather than go to a party with me tonight,

she'd like to stay in this evening

and watch comic book movies with kids.

Watch how she forgets about the Henderson's party.

But tonight is the Henderson's party.

Oh really? Oh, I'm so sorry, I completely forgot.

- Did ya?

It's no problem. I got it, okay.

You go to the Henderson's party,

and I'll stay here with the boys and watch the movie.

It's fine! I can be flexible.

I am so done with being flexible.

Hey. You look beautiful.

- Thank you.

- So I messed up.

- What'd you do?

- Well, I was supposed to set up a sleepover

for your brother for tonight,

and then I accidentally invited all his friends

over to watch a movie,

and it's the Henderson's party tonight.

Nice one, Mom. - I know.

Dad's so mad, so I need your help.

- Mom, no, no!

- I will make it up to you. - I have plans tonight!

- It's Parker. He will understand.

He is such a good kid. I like him.

- I'm not gonna do it. - Okay.

So I'll just go tell your dad.

- It's not fair. - I know, I'm sorry.

One more thing.

We don't want Parker in the house while we're gone, okay?

- We're just friends. - Okay. No, I know.

I was just friends with your dad once, too,

and look how that turned out.

- How do you eat more than 99%

of the population and stay so skinny?

- Genetics.

- All right, boys. Ashley is in charge this evening.

We'll be home by midnight, 'kay?

Okay.

- Oh, come on. - Okay.

And the new movie opening ceremony begins.

- Gas leak.

- Can't breathe.

Can't breathe.

Save yourself!

- Gas leak? Save yourself?

Don't go up there.

- Wow, the probability of you saving us was zero.

- There was a gas leak. Chip said, "Save yourself."

There's your gas leak.

Oh, dude.

- Don't show any weakness, or they will eat you alive.

- Wait, where's the movie?

- What?

- Real funny, guys. - This is no joke.

Henry, Henry!

He's in shock.

- Henry! Henry!

- Step aside. I got this.

- Cup o' fart?

- It's the only way.

- If my calculations are correct,

there's a 50% chance he won't survive.

Your calculations are never correct.

You okay? - Got you.

Do you know where the movie is?

Where?

- It's in my room. - Call your mom.

- She's out of town. - Call your dad.

- He lives in Oklahoma City.

- Where do you live? - Stonegate.

- Fancy. - I know where Stonegate is.

- I'm not allowed to leave the neighborhood.

- Me neither.

- I'll go. - You can't go alone.

What if you run it through the McGuffin brothers?

- If you put these guys between two giant pieces of bread

and some chopped vegetables, some seasoning,

a little mayo, you'd have the world's biggest chicken salad.

- Hey, anyone wanna play Nerds?

- So this is where I spend most

of my time when I'm not playing tennis.

- Wow.

- I've got a rare film collection.

"Verde"? "Huckleberry"?

"Eat the Corn"?

- Eh.

- But the crown jewel of my collection is...

Henry!

- Dang it.

You're up five.

- Is this what we're doing tonight?

- It's not what we're supposed to be doing.

- Sorry, sorry.

- You are sorry. - Knock it off.

- I told people we were watching "The Blue Shadow" tonight.

- Look, dude. It's not my fault he forgot the movie.

That's the only reason I invited him.

Knock it off!

- No, it's okay. I deserve it.

- No you don't.

If you're gonna let these losers pick on you,

then everyone will.

- Hey!

- Instead of just sitting here like a bunch of babies,

let's do something about it.

I don't know about the rest of you,

but I'm watching "The Blue Shadow" tonight.

- That's impossible.

- Nothing's impossible. I'm going to Henry's house.

I'm going to get that movie. Now who's with me?

Stink?

I bet Ava Anderson would be pretty impressed

if you saw "The Blue Shadow" tonight.

Stats, your game room would go down in history

if we had the premiere here tonight.

And Henry, this would be your chance

to rewrite the wrong that you've done.

Who's with me?

This, this is a real man.

Are there any other real men here tonight?

- The odds of us surviving are slim.

- Yes, they are.

Stats, I need you to distract Dream Girl.

- Don't call her Dream Girl. She's my sister.

- Sorry, I'm sorry. It won't happen again.

- Most of the kids at school call Stats' sister Dream Girl

'cause she's so hot.

Makes him lose his mind, but he's just a little guy,

so he can't do anything about it.

- Stats, I need you to distract Ashley.

- Better.

- While Stink, Henry, and I sneak out the back door.

- But what if she comes upstairs?

- Don't worry. I got a plan.

This is the best thing we've ever seen!

- Who's the fool that didn't release this?

- I'll never watch another movie.

- "The Blue Shadow" is ruthless!

- Chris Hoyt is awesome!

- Exactly.

- Wait. Go motor.

Whoa!

- Wait, long one. Three...

- Wait. - How long does it go?

- Nice!

- Awesome, man!

When my parents can be phone service,

this is gonna be my ringtone.

- Yes! - Definitely.

It's perfect!

To pull this plan off, execution is key.

- Oh, no. - What?

- My house is locked.

- You don't have a key?

- No. - Where'd you find this kid?

- Do you have a key pad on your garage?

Yeah.

- Do you know the code?

- I think it has a seven in it.

- Forget it, he's useless.

- Hold on.

Are you okay? - I'm fine.

- You don't wanna be the kid crying in the bathroom.

- I'm not crying. - Come on.

Take a seat.

This is your first time here, isn't it?

- Yeah, and the last.

- What's your name? - Henry, Henry Hudson.

- You're new? - Yeah.

- New kids don't get invited to the Mingo Valley Film Club.

- I told your brother I had a copy of "The Blue Shadow."

- Is it rare? - It was never released.

- So why the tears?

- I forgot the movie.

- Are you trying not to make friends?

- Apparently.

Will you take me to get the movie?

- I'm being forced to babysit, not chauffeur.

- What I supposed to do?

- I don't know, Henry Hudson,

but you can't hide in here all night.

- That's it! Thanks!

- You're welcome.

- We can use the rock, the rock! We can use the rock!

- He's lost it.

- In my backyard, there's a fake rock

with a key hidden inside!

The plan for sneaking out of the house hinges

on taking advantage of Dream Girl's germophobia

and Stink's disgusting reputation.

Stink will pretend to have trouble with the Wi-fi

on his phone and ask Dream Girl for help.

While he waits, Stink will constantly wipe his nose,

pick his teeth, and cough into his hands.

It will be more than Dream Girl can handle,

and she will assume that anything in Stink's hand

is covered with germs, especially his phone.

This will send her to the closest sink

where Stats will be waiting.

While she scrubs her hands, Stats will make the switch.

With Dream Girl's phone in hand, Stats will run upstairs

and lure Dream Girl away from the back door.

When she realizes Stats has her phone,

You have my phone!

She'll chase him down

and leave the exit unprotected.

It's locked. We gotta climb.

- I can't. - Can't what?

I'll just wait here.

- No, you're thinking too much. Just do it.

- Intuition is knowing beyond knowledge.

My intuition is telling me that I'm gonna break my legs.

- Dude, your bike is awesome.

And lame.

I know, I know.

- He's not old enough to watch "The Blue Shadow"

without parental guidance.

That movie would be rated R by today's standards.

The regulations were much looser in the 80s.

- He probably hears worse at school.

Maybe.

But the fact is he took it without permission.

He stole it.

taking care of business

better than Cheez

- Why'd you stop?

- That way takes us past the McGuffin brothers' house.

- On the first day of school, I got one piece of advice.

That was to steer clear of the McGuffin brothers.

That was from a teacher.

They were bad at school

and worse in the neighborhood.

If kids got caught riding their bikes

past the McGuffin brother's house,

they got wedgies so intense,

the skid marks permanently stained their underwear.

Joggers who ran by ended up barefoot, confused,

and no longer wearing their Fitbits.

Tonight, Henry Hudson wanted to keep his shoes on his feet

and his underwear out of his bum.

- If we circle back,

we don't have to ride past the McGuffins.

- Yes. Predict and prevent.

- No, no. That'll take way too long.

- I know a shortcut through the woods.

- I'm allergic to the woods.

- I guess we got no choice.

- The long way. - Nope.

Chip took the lead riding

down the street with Stink close behind.

They were a distant blur

before Henry got the courage to start pedaling.

Henry road slow and steady

as he approached the McGuffin brother's house.

His eyes searched the shadows.

The path looked clear,

and Henry slowly gained speed and confidence.

He was doing it.

He was riding by the McGuffin brother's house

and not getting pummeled.

Then the unthinkable happened.

His shoelace came undone and was dangerously close

to getting tangled in his pedal.

If it got wrapped around, he would be toast.

So Henry put his head down and pedaled harder

than he ever pedaled before.

His training wheels barely touched the pavement.

Then, at the most dangerous point of the crossing,

it happened.

The shoelace whipped around the pedal

and sent him to a crashing halt.

Henry was doomed, laying helpless on the ground

in front of the McGuffin brother's house.

He struggled to free his foot from the pedal,

but it was no use.

He would be another victim of the McGuffins.

Footsteps came from the distance.

Henry scooted away from the footsteps frantically.

It was Chip.

Chip slipped Henry's foot out of his shoe

and pushed the bike to safety

as Henry hobbled beside him, wearing only one shoe.

The boys got lucky.

No kid has ever survived being stranded

like that in front of the McGovern's house.

They knew this meant the McGuffins were on the prowl,

and the boys better watch their backs.

- This is it.

I smell nerds.

What are you fools doing out of the neighborhood?

- We're going to my house.

- Who are you? - Henry Hudson.

- Nice bike, Henry Hudson. - Thanks.

- What'd you say, turd face?

- Thanks?

- That's not what I heard. - What did you hear?

- I heard him say he wants to trade bikes.

- That's what I heard, too.

- Look, you know that's not what he said.

- Training wheels?

Oh man.

- Let the air out of your tires.

Do it! - Okay! Okay!

Okay.

Get off my bike.

Move!

Thanks for the bike, losers!

- I would love to let Parker out of the friend zone,

but the thought of holding hands with someone

or kissing them gives germophobia to my germophobia.

You're not supposed to be here.

- I'm not supposed to be in there.

if, what if we miss

- If my sister lets her guard down,

that nerd could slip out of the friend zone.

Not on my watch. I'm gonna nip it, nip it in the bud.

What's up, chicken butt?

You got a girlfriend yet? - No.

- Dad said no boys over tonight.

- He means in the house.

- Should I text him to make sure?

- Do that and see what happens.

t was time for Stats

to implement Operation Mystery Fart.

It was a communications ruse designed to keep nerds away

from his sister and in the friend zone where they belonged.

- I think it's like kind of-

- Do you know where dad...

Oh, gross!

It smells like a skunk farted and died, ugh!

- My mom's gonna get me killed.

- Don't you mean your mom's gonna kill you?

- No.

When she finds out the McGuffin brothers stole my bike,

she is gonna go ballistic on their parents,

their parents are gonna go ballistic on them-

- And they're gonna go ballistic on you.

- It trickles downhill.

We gotta stop. He's gonna explode.

- The McGuffin brothers have skid marks for brains.

The McGuffin brothers look like elephant butts.

- The McGuffin brothers? More like the McMoron brothers.

- The McGuffin brothers' breath smells like.

More like this.

- I smell it. I actually smell it.

Yeah, you can.

Could you really smell it

from all the way over there? - Yes, I could actually

smell it. - Yeah.

- Bad. - It was so stinky.

- Well, he is Stink. It's 'cause of all the food

I eat. - True, yeah.

- It's how he got his nickname.

- Jerky?

- It's locked.

- This is a new car! - I'll be careful.

- But those are

nachos.

- Stew meat? Stew meat jerky.

Nothing's better, except maybe jerky and cheese.

I could eat a whole plate of cheese.

- What's in there?

- Oh, that's our place to get away.

- My dad runs the school. He hooked us up.

- Your dad's the principal?

No, he's the janitor.

- He can unlock any door in the school.

That's funny. - Naw.

- No, none of that. - Hey, speaking of.

So my Uncle Jason, he has a 150-pound dog named Grace,

and man, that is one backyard you

don't wanna walk around in barefooted.

- I stepped in it once, ankle deep.

- Ugh. - Stepped in it?

- Ice cream.

- Stink?

Is that Ava Anderson?

- Sure is. Stink's gonna lose his mind.

- Does he like like her?

- I mean, yeah, but she likes him pretty boy, you know,

who was the personality of a potato.

- Just like the movies.

- Yeah, except for in the movies, you know,

the hot girl likes the nice guy in the end.

It's not like that in real life.

If you can only watch one movie your entire life,

what would it be?

- Dang, Henry.

You know, that's a tough one 'cause you got your classics

like "The Goondocks or "The Great Bambino."

But you can't forget about once like "The Tournament."

It's a classic 80s, just not as beloved as the others.

You also have some like "Party Crashers,"

you know, the best worst horror movie I've ever seen.

You know, what about you?

- "The Blue Shadow."

- Is it that good? - yes.

- Okay, he's cute.

He's nice. He's the obviously into me.

I just, I need to give him a sign.

We can start slow, hold hands, and then maybe...

I wonder when the last time he washed his hands was.

Hands are full of gross germs and bacteria,

and if we held hands, it would be like he

was sneezing into my hand.

Oh, that's gross.

Having a burp and toot track and not listening

to it turned out to be more than Stats could handle.

"The Blue Shadow" is ruthless.

- "The Blue Shadow"? - It's the best thing we

- It was never released. - have ever seen.

Who's the fool that didn't release this?

I'll never watch another movie!

- You're not supposed to be in here.

"The Blue Shadow" is ruthless!

Chris Hoyt is awesome.

This is absolutely nuts.

The ending's insane!

This is the best thing we've ever seen.

- Who is the fool that

- Where are they? - didn't release this?

- How'd it go, Romeo? - Good, really good.

- Where's your ice cream?

I guess who went so good, I forgot to get any ice cream.

- You wanna get some ice cream?

- Hey, we didn't sneak out to spend all night talking

to girls and eating ice cream.

We're on a mission.

- Guys.

- I know nothing.

- Do you want me to text Dad?

- Do you want me to show Dad a picture

of that boy in the house?

- That's not what this is about.

- If you were watching us not letting boys in the house,

my friends wouldn't have escaped.

- Does he really have a copy of "The Blue Shadow"?

- That's what he says.

- I can take you to get it.

- Where are they?

And I was like, "Text you later, sweetheart."

Your phone doesn't even have service.

I can use my mom's phone.

When are you gonna text her?

Not right away. Girls can smell desperation.

That's not all they can smell.

What's the code?

My car has a sensor.

We can climb.

- No way. I'm not leaving my bike out here.

One of your fancy friends might take it.

- We wait.

Monkey butt.

- Bum sniffer. - Puke breath.

- Butt breath. - Booger eater.

- It's like the more they insult each other,

the more they like each other.

- Ava Anderson.

What are you doing? - Hiding.

- Why?

- I can't show my face in front of Ava Anderson ever again.

- You said it went really well.

- It didn't. - What happened?

- I brought my A game,

but love does strange things to a man.

Hey, Ava.

Hey- - Stink.

My friends call me Stink. - Oh.

- Allow me to buy you some ice cream.

- Do you really think I would ever like a guy named Stink?

Come on.

But if the kids wants to buy me ice cream,

I'm not gonna say no.

What would you like?

- Hmm, I'd like a sweet tart please.

- For this lovely lady, I'd like one large sweet tart.

- Sorry that happened to you, man.

- Where I come from, if you fart in front

of the girl you love, your friends make fun of you.

I don't know where Henry comes from.

- Everyone toots, even Ava Anderson.

- I bet it smells like roses.

- You're disgusting. - I know.

- Look, we can still make it. Run!

- My bike. - Leave your bike!

The boys sprinted.

Chip was in the league with Stink in a close second.

Henry was a distant third,

and it looked like it was his first time to run.

Chip slipped through the closing gate with ease.

Stink made it through and collapsed on the other side.

Henry got closer, and the opening grew smaller.

He started to let up,

which would put him on the wrong side of the gate.

Henry dug down and kept running.

His chance of making it through the gate

was improbable at best.

I'm not gonna make it!

Yes, you will! Dive!

Henry knew the chance of him diving

through the gate was slim, and the chance

of him bashing his head into the gate

and getting his concussion was much better.

But tonight Henry threw caution to the wind,

ran faster than he'd ever run in his life, and dove.

He flew through the air past the closing gate.

Well, almost. - My shorts!

Henry got caught on the gate

in mid air and dangled by his shorts

as the gate continued to close.

If Henry wasn't freed,

he would be crushed by the massive gate.

Chip and Stink sprang into action and grabbed Henry.

They pulled as hard as they could

but were losing the battle.

However, the strain with which they pulled

caused Stink to rip one,

and the extra force was just enough

to pull Henry right out of his shorts

Ah! My shorts!

just before the gates slam shut.

Chip and Stink nearly peed their pants

at the sight of Henry in his Blue Shadow underwear.

Are those Blue Shadow underwear?

- Yes. - I have those.

That's great, but could you please get my shorts?

Finding a rock with a hidden key

shouldn't be a big deal unless there

are a thousand other rocks that look just like it.

We didn't come all this way to not find the movie.

- I found it!

The key.

It's amazing.

No!

It's gone.

- We don't need a key. - No!

- Step aside. - Don't do it, Stink.

I'm doing it. - My window.

- Yes, I'm going to break your window.

- No, my window's unlocked.

Got a ladder?

- In the garage. - In the locked garage?

- Yeah.

- That's it, I'm breaking the window.

- Well, no, we can climb.

- Are you looking at the same window I'm looking at?

- Yes.

- Maybe you should go first. - I don't do heights.

- Well, I don't do heights, either.

- Yeah? Well I didn't forget the movie.

- I can't do this.

- Believe in yourself, man.

- I do believe in myself. I believe I'm gonna break my neck.

- I got you.

- If life had disclaimers, this one would say,

"Do not attempt."

As Henry scaled the ridiculously pitched roof,

he grew more concerned about the plan.

It appeared Chip was going to try to lower him

down to the window with a homemade harness.

With one end of the garden hose tag to Henry

and the other fastened to the chimney, Chip was confident he

could lower Henry safely to the window.

Henry, on the other hand, was not as confident.

Not a chance. I'll lower you.

You can't hold me.

What if you can't hold me?

I can. Listen.

I watched tons of "Lost in the Wild" shows,

and I saw this guy repel off a cliff

with a ball of twine and some gummy bears.

Trust me, we got this.

I knew he could do it.

But when you're dangling above concrete

facing certain death, a kid's nerves can get a little shaky.

I am going to die! I can't do it.

Look, I got you. Just crawl through the window!

I'm too high!

You okay?

I'm by the window!

Okay, bring it home!

He's in!

- The alarm.

Unhook me! - What?

- Unhook me!

You're free!

Henry sprinted through the house

with the garden hose trailing behind him.

Henry was about to punch in the code

when the garden hose cinched up and stuck in his tracks.

The beeping got faster as the counter ticked towards zero.

Henry backtracked to find where the hose was snagged.

He managed to rip it free and race back to the alarm panel.

Five, four, three, two.

Henry punched the code just before the alarm hit zero.

Disarmed.

Disaster averted.

- Ah, Stats is never gonna believe this.

- If that was me, I would've literally pooped my pants.

Are you crop dusting?

- Maybe a little.

- You never had of crop dusting?

- That's when you let one rip every time you take a step.

- What do you turn sniffers doing?

- Crop dusting.

- Give me one reason not to pulverize this puke face.

- We have "The Blue Shadow." - That's an urban legend.

- Is this a book? - It's a VHS, you moron.

- What's a VHS? - It's like an old-timey DVD.

Is it "The Blue Shadow"? - Yes.

You can't have that! You can't have that!

- If anything happens to that movie,

I will kill him, literally kill him.

- It's just a movie.

- Just a movie!

What? Just a movie.

That's like saying WAM is just a band.

- Who's WAM?

- Who's WAM?

Only the most awesome band to ever exist.

Geez.

- Did you get the movie?

- You guys get back to the house now.

All right, boys.

Take a good look around because you

will not be getting invited back to this house.

What's wrong with him?

- The lights are on, but nobody's home.

- His dad's gonna kill him.

- He deserves whatever punishment he gets.

- Yeah, well, the McGuffin stole his movie and his bike.

- The McGuffin brothers. They have always been terrible.

I used to babysit them, and they would literally

steal my babysitting money every time.

- They are so disgusting,

I have to sanitize my hands after thinking about them.

- They make me poop in the other hall at school.

I've almost fumbled twice.

- Yep. They chipped my tooth.

- They say things about you.

- What kind of things?

- Let's just say they think you're real pretty.

- Now I have to drop my kids off at the pool before school.

- That's enough.

Would you rather be losers all our lives

or earn some respect?

- We're not losers. Yeah, we kinda are.

- Stats, would you rather let those meat heads

call your sister Dream Girl

or make them call your sister Ashley?

Stink, would you rather poop in your own hall

or fumble in front of Ava Anderson?

Parker, would you rather let the McGuffins

take your babysitting money or take back your dignity?

Ashley, would you rather disinfect your hands

every single time you saw those creeps

or disinfect the neighborhood by showing them who's boss?

Chip, would you rather let the McGuffin brothers pick

on us for the rest of our lives

or stand up for ourselves like men?

But if we stand up for ourselves, they'll destroy us.

- Or we'll destroy them.

- I'm in.

- From now on, I poop in my own hall.

- I'll do anything you need, Henry Hudson.

- Me, too.

- You know we're gonna die, right?

- It's highly probable.

- Forget the probability. I'm in.

- Okay, here's the plan.

We slide out in stealth mode.

Chip and I are the ladder crew.

Stats, you're my eyes and ears.

Ashley, you have some most dangerous job of all.

Can we take a second to appreciate this moment?

That, ladies and gentlemen, is why they call her Dream Girl.

- Let's go, weirdo.

Stink, we need you to eat more beans

than you have ever eaten in your life.

When the coast is clear, you give the signal.

You are clear for takeoff.

- Locked and loaded.

The shuttle has landed.

All systems go.

- Deploy the diversion.

- Caw caw caw! Caw caw caw caw!

Caw caw caw caw!

Ashley, you will engage the enemy.

Thank you, Jesus.

- Sorry, wrong house.

- That was Dream Girl. - Whatever.

- She winked at me. - She was squinting

because you're so ugly.

- You are clear to breach the perimeter.

- Caw caw caw! Caw caw caw caw!

- Oh! - Oh, God!

- Oh, get out! - I can't breathe!

- Call the ball.

- And that's how it was supposed to go down.

What really happened was much more of a disaster.

A disaster is a bit of an understatement.

This raid was more like a catastrophe.

The ladder proved to be a little more

than the ladder crew could handle.

Stink immediately got tangled

in his megaphone garden hose rig and hit the ground.

Dream Girl tried to untangle Stink

but ended up hogtying him instead.

- I'm trapped! - Let go of the handle.

- Unlock the door! - Let go of the handle.

Apparently, there is a limit to

how many beans a man can eat, and Stink found it.

He strained to cut the cheese. His face turned bright red.

Veins rose from his forehead, but his stomach revolted.

Instead of letting his lethal gas loose on the McGuffins,

he blew chunks all over the lawn.

Abort, abort! He's tossing his cookies.

The force of Stink's cookie tossing knocked him

into the ladder.

What are you losers doing in my yard?

Who is it?

It's those losers who gave us the movie.

This is going to the highest bidder.

It's already on e-Bay.

Henry didn't know what he was thinking.

What happened next just happened.

Without thinking, he plucked a movie from Mark's hand,

leapt from the roof, rolled forward,

popped up onto his feet, and chaos ensued

on the McGuffin brothers lawn.

Stink, Chip, Stats, and Dream Girl ran for Parker's SUV.

However, Henry saw his bike and went for it.

He hopped on and started to ride for the SUV.

But without his training wheels,

he weaved drastically off course,

crashing into the McGuffins' fence.

Mark and Mike exploded out the front door.

You're dead, nerds!

We got a runner!

You can't run forever, nerd!

You know you're dead, right?

- Do you think he's dead yet died?

- He died a hero.

What's the code?

- The code is 7260, repeated, 7260.

Roger that.

Whoa, he's pretty fast for a nerd.

- Okay, you guys stay here. I gotta go help him.

- I'm going with you.

- My parents will be here in an hour,

and there is 100% chance that they

will notice that everyone is gone.

- I can distract them, but I need Parker's help. Come on.

- Let's go. - all right, come on.

Henry was safe for the moment,

and when he laid his eyes on the secret hideout

for the first time, it was a kid's dream.

There was a mismatch of worn-out furniture,

movie posters, comics, action figures for decoration.

Boxes, candy wrappers, and soda bottles littered the floor.

Half-full two liters were lined up next to the computer.

The beef jerky and candy stash were on the table.

Board games, magazines, trading cards,

Nerf guns were strewn about the hideout.

The centerpiece of the room was a giant computer screen

with three chairs huddled around it.

The longer you stay in there,

the more we're gonna beat you.

Start timer. - For how long?

- As long as it takes. - For how long?

- Fine, five minutes.

Timer set for five minutes.

You got five minutes.

Henry continued to search the hideout

and found a duffel bag in the corner.

He unzipped it and discovered an arsenal of water guns.

Henry chose two mega soakers.

He filled the mega soakers with soda,

then pressed his ear against the door.

Let's get this over with, nerd! I'm getting hangry.

The word hangry gave Henry an idea.

He grabbed a bag of beef jerky, cracked open the door,

tossed it to the McGuffin brothers,

and slammed the door and waited.

- And then my therapist suggested I

should go to Sweden on my next holiday.

- I wish I was in Sweden right now.

- What was that? - Nothing.

- Is that your parents?

- My parents don't ring the doorbell.

- Oh yeah.

- Who is it?

- I don't know, but he does not look happy.

- You got your ears on good, buddy?

We're gonna rip his ears off his head.

They got him.

Then we'll rip your ears off your head.

- I got my eyes on the McGuffin, but no Henry.

While the McGuffin brothers were fighting

over the last piece of beef jerky,

Henry flung open the door

and unloaded both mega soakers on 'em.

It was hard to tell what surprised the McGuffins more,

that Henry tried to stand up to them or that his aim

was so bad that not even a drop of soda hit them.

Henry dropped the mega soakers and ran for it,

but instead of escaping, he slipped

on the spilled soda and hit the ground.

You're not going anywhere, fool!

You gonna cry, little baby?

Henry did not cry.

He released the biggest burp to ever escape his lips

and blew it into the McGuffins' faces.

For a moment, they gagged, allowing Henry to squirm away

and make a dash for his bike.

He's on the move. Let's go.

It was happening.

Not only was he riding his bike without training wheels,

but he wasn't crashing into anything.

He was home free until he rounded the corner.

Is everyone okay?

The McGuffin brothers, they're coming.

Yeah, it's good. It's okay.

- We have to run! - No, no.

- We cannot run forever. - It's okay.

Well, if it isn't the Mingo Valley film nerds.

Who do we beat first?

- Where's your sister? Answer me this.

How do you look like a total dorkus

and she looks like such a dream girl?

- I knew the odds weren't in my favor,

but there's just so much a man can take.

It finally happened. I lost my mind.

- Get off him!

- Give us the movie. - Never.

- If you don't want the rest of your teeth chipped,

you'll give us the movie.

- Don't do it.

You can watch it with us.

- Really? - Yeah!

- We're not hanging out with these losers.

We already got a bid for $2,000.

No!

- And there's still five days left.

- Yeah, we're gonna buy some dirt bikes,

an Xbox, a Nintendo Switch, a huge TV, two tablets,

a bunch of pellet guns, a drone, some nunchucks,

throwing stars, crossbows, jellyfish, a huge shark!

- Dog pile!

Before I met these guys,

I would have never found myself in this situation.

He might get clobbered, but tonight,

Henry was defending his friend's sister's honor.

That's right, his friend.

Chip had been waiting for this day for a long time.

The McGuffins' reign of terror was over.

It was like Stats was having an out of body experience.

He saw the McGuffins getting what they deserved,

and it was awesome.

If what Stink thought was happening was actually happening

and they were defeating the McGuffin brothers,

the Mingo Valley Film Club

would become neighborhood legends.

- That's my boy!

- Get your butt on their noses.

Get off!

I can still smell it.

- That was an indirect hit.

You are now in the perfect position

for a full blow of Stink's gas.

No!

- Do you promise to stop making fun of everybody

and stop talking about Stats' sister?

Promise!

- There's a 99.999% chance that they're lying.

Let 'em have it, Stink.

- Please, no! I can't take another one.

Okay, okay! Not another word.

- How do we know you're not lying?

- The spit shake.

- The spit shake is the ultimate in boyhood trust.

None of us have actually done the spit shake,

but we've seen it in movies.

Fist bump?

I knew there were lying!

Give me the movie.

Out of the shadows,

Henry's dad emerged like a gunslinger coming

to collect his bounty.

Drop the movie!

It's not your fight, old man!

Old man?

Henry's dad took off after Mark.

He was not graceful, but he was determined.

Mark juked, but Henry's dad kept up

with him for every twist and turn.

- Who's the old man now? - You!

Then, just as Henry's dad

was about to grab Mark, his knee went out,

and he hit the ground.

Henry's dad was immobile on the ground, holding his knee.

Mark stood above him, holding the movie.

Nerds never win.

Nerd? I'm not a nerd!

Did you see my car?

That's a nice car, but once a nerd, always a nerd.

Give me the movie! - Not a chance, old nerd.

Mark smirked at Henry's dad on the ground.

Then, out of nowhere,

Mark was tackled by Henry.

The movie fell from Mark's hand,

and Henry's dad crawled to grab it.

Henry unleashed years of pent-up rage.

He grabbed Mark by the waistband of his underwear and,

with super human strength, Henry lifted Mark above his head.

It was a wedgie that would go down

in the history of wedgies.

Mark cried like a little baby.

Mike took a step to save his brother,

but he was met with a wall of Chip, Stink, and Stats.

Try it and see what happens.

Henry, that's enough!

Henry dropped Mark to the ground

and held him there with a stare.

- Are we cool? - We're cool.

Henry extended his hand

and helped Mark to his feet,

and that was the last time the McGuffin brothers

ever terrorized the neighborhood.

- Henry! We gotta go like now.

- I can't. I'm in serious trouble.

- Wait.

Go have fun with your friends.

- You gave him the movie? - No.

He earned it.

- Can I go home now?

- Yeah.

- Maybe we should wait outside.

Under any other circumstance, sitting down

on Ashley's couch would have been my dream.

But no dad wants to find their daughter alone with a guy.

- They're here. Kiss me! - Your parents!

- Hey! - Ah!

- Where are you going, big boy?

- No!

- We trusted you!

- I thought you liked him!

- Is this the example you wanna set for your brother?

- Hold on, it's quiet. It's too quiet.

- That's 'cause they're listening!

You know what?

Because you deliberately disobeyed us,

you're grounded for a month.

- I'm sorry!

I'm sorry! I thought you liked him.

Wait.

I learned how to cry on demand from YouTube.

It's a skill every daughter should have.

I'm sorry! I thought-

The tears were fake,

but the diversion was real.

Dream Girl motioned for the boys to get upstairs.

- Are we busted? - Not yet.

If the boys were gonna make it

to the game room undetected,

they would have to scale a giant tree and leap to the roof.

It was dangerous, but not impossible.

The only thing holding them back was Stink.

Stink doesn't do heights.

But to all of their surprise, Stink was the first one

to look at the tree and say.

- We climb. - Can you do it?

He can do it.

The boys scaled the tree in a single file line.

They were all agile except for Stink,

who brought up the rear.

From his position, Stink saw Stat's mom heading

for the stairs.

Your mom is coming upstairs.

The only thing that could stall Stats' mom

was burps and toots, and lucky for Stats,

he had them in his pocket.

Stats whipped out his phone

and cued up the burp and toot track.

The moment he hit the play button,

the sounds of burps and toots filled the house.

It was enough to stop Stats' mom in her tracks.

One by one, the boys leapt from the tree to the roof.

Stats and Chip slept in the window,

and Henry waited for Stink,

who was stuck at the jumping point.

- Jump. - I can't make it.

Quit thinking and do it!

Stink closed his eyes and made the leap.

Henry was in awe as Stink flew through the air

like a fragrant flying squirrel.

But despite his courage, it looked like he

was gonna come up just short of the roof

and land in the bushes below until out of nowhere,

Stink released a toot

that propelled him the extra distance he needed.

The boys scurried inside and stumbled to the game room.

Oh, come on, Stink.

- Is it clear?

It's clear.

So, was it awesome?

- We didn't watch it.

- What? Why?

What have you guys been doing?

- Waiting for you.

Really?

Well, in that case, who wants to eat ice cream upstairs

and not tell Dad?

- How'd you do it? - Lots of tears.

- What'd you get?

- Grounded for a month and sentenced to hang out

around the house with my brother and his friends.

- Thanks for covering for us.

- I could think of worse people

to hang out with, Henry Hudson.

- I get maple! - Yeah.

- Pass me the sausage rolls.

- Yeah, I know. Henry gets dibs.

- What? Why does Henry get dibs?

- 'Cause last night, he was the man.

- Yes, he was. Yes, he was.

- I've never been called the man before.

This is gonna be in the moment I get my nickname,

and the man is a nickname I can get behind.

Nice move, Cheese.

- Henry Cheese. - Henry Cheese Hudson.

- Cheese. - Yeah.

- Again? - Rewind it, brother.

- It's happening. It's really happening.

Ava Anderson is following me.

Outgoing.

- Dude, how can she not like you?

- I know, right?

- He may have the manners of a water buffalo,

but there's something that I like about a man

that could take care of himself.

- Your son is so cool.

- Henry? - Yes!

He knows more about "The Blue Shadow" than anybody I know.

Yeah, he gets that from his dad.

And where do you think you're going?

- I invited the guys for a sleepover. Is that okay?

- The guys?

I mean, I guess, if it's okay with their parents.

- We already asked. They said yes.

- Yeah, they do this all the time.

- Okay, well we don't have enough room for all the bikes.

- That's okay. We'll ride.

Come on.

Nice one, Cheese!

It wasn't the nickname Henry would have picked,

but from that day on, Henry Hudson,

the man who risked his life for "The Blue Shadow,"

helped defeat the McGuffin brothers

and finally made some friends, became known as Cheese,

and it never sounded sweeter.

- I forgot the movie.

- Classic Cheese.

fences, scale the yards

streets, no handlebars

from bullies and crooks

don't call our bluff

it's one for all

Chris Hoyt is awesome!