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1
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:05,839
Rick, we did it!
We... we got it!
2
00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:07,508
Hurry up, morty. Get in!
3
00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:08,967
- Chachi!
- Fuck chachi, morty.
4
00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:11,094
- Did you get it?
- He helped me escape prison.
5
00:00:11,220 --> 00:00:13,514
Did you get the ultimate cube?
6
00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:14,890
Oh, it's purple.
7
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,141
Y-You said it was purple.
8
00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:17,643
I said mine was.
9
00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:19,269
I didn't know they all were.
10
00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:21,480
And now we do, thanks to chichi.
11
00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:22,689
Chachi.
12
00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:26,485
So, uh, w-w-when do I get it?
13
00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:28,028
Get what, a hug?
14
00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:29,672
Let's find a planet
with a garden hose first.
15
00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:31,156
- A dragon.
- A dragon.
16
00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:33,301
You asked me to cut class
and fight robots with you.
17
00:00:33,325 --> 00:00:34,576
I said, "no."
18
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:35,970
You said, "millions of lives
depend on it."
19
00:00:35,994 --> 00:00:37,496
I said, "I'll do it
for a dragon."
20
00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:39,039
You said, "whatever."
21
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:40,541
I want my dragon.
22
00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:42,042
You know who's into dragons,
morty?
23
00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:43,927
Nerds that refuse to admit
they're Christian.
24
00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:46,004
- I want my dragon.
- Let me give you rocket shoes.
25
00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:47,409
Let me give you Wolverine claws.
26
00:00:47,506 --> 00:00:49,174
Let me give you
a fucking rocket hat.
27
00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:50,735
Just be sure to use it
with the rocket shoes,
28
00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:51,969
or it'll rip your head off.
29
00:00:52,094 --> 00:00:54,012
I want my dragon!
I want my dragon!
30
00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:55,497
I want my dragon!
31
00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:58,225
Oh, crap.
32
00:00:58,350 --> 00:00:59,935
Crap.
33
00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:04,398
Dad, are you okay?
34
00:01:04,523 --> 00:01:06,191
Your ship crashed in Malta.
35
00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:07,734
I'm okay.
36
00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:10,487
Oh, thank god.
37
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,364
Dad, did you promise
morty a dragon?
38
00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:13,824
Fuuuuuuu...
39
00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:46,857
Ugh!
40
00:01:46,982 --> 00:01:49,109
Bleed here and here.
41
00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:50,319
Rick: I'm not co-bleeding.
42
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,112
Under authority of our treaty
43
00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:54,239
'twixt the realms
of dragon and man...
44
00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:55,550
Oh, my god,
it's my first gay wedding.
45
00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:56,867
Summer!
46
00:01:56,992 --> 00:01:58,827
I hereby bind
this noble serpent and rider
47
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,662
at the soul.
48
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:03,749
Here's your Tome of
dragon spells and lore.
49
00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:05,059
That'll have everything
you need.
50
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:06,251
Enjoy your dragon.
51
00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:08,045
Okay, dragon,
here's the house rules.
52
00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:11,006
My name is balthromaw,
53
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,717
breaker of sky,
slayer of mountain.
54
00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:16,470
Rule one... you are now scooper
of your own poops,
55
00:02:16,595 --> 00:02:19,473
or I will take you down like
the black-light poster you are.
56
00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:21,224
I don't got any more rules.
That's it.
57
00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:24,579
I'm guessing you'd rather not
be tagged in this.
58
00:02:24,603 --> 00:02:26,438
Okay, I'll bite.
59
00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:27,856
What's with the talking cat?
60
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,358
It's a dragon, dip knob.
61
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:30,984
I know that's a dragon.
62
00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:33,779
I'm talking about
the talking cat in my bedroom.
63
00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:35,704
Jerry, why would I give morty
a talking dragon
64
00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:37,449
and you a talking cat
at the same time?
65
00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,076
Those concepts bump.
66
00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:40,928
If you're talking to a cat,
it's an abnormal event
67
00:02:40,952 --> 00:02:43,121
unrelated to me like
when you went to pluto
68
00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:44,831
or fucked my daughter.
69
00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:47,250
Okay, there's really no need
to get savage.
70
00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:50,253
Cat: So?
71
00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:51,981
Eh, he says he has nothing
to do with your talking.
72
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:54,257
- Cat: Told you.
- So then why are you talking?
73
00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:56,664
- Cat: Why should that matter?
- Why should it not matter?
74
00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:58,762
How do I know I'm not
hallucinating?
75
00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:00,722
Rick said this is
an abnormal event.
76
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,992
Cat: Do you always need Rick
to tell you what's going on?
77
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,935
Maybe it's time you stopped
asking questions
78
00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:07,104
and started having fun.
79
00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:11,525
Wow, okay.
80
00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:12,859
So, what do you want?
81
00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:14,504
Cat: I want you to take us
to the airport
82
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,905
and get us two
first-class tickets to Florida.
83
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:20,158
Why, I... I can do that.
84
00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:24,830
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
85
00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:27,416
Oh, this is so cool!
86
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,964
I await your next command.
87
00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:36,383
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Nobody is commanding anybody.
88
00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:39,761
I love soaring through the sky
with you as equals.
89
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,346
W-What do you want to do?
90
00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:44,349
I want to enter my lair
and sleep upon my hoard
91
00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:47,185
until the age of man expires.
92
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:48,311
Okay.
93
00:03:48,437 --> 00:03:50,021
Split the diff?
94
00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:52,941
20-minute nap
and soar through the sky?
95
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,443
Ugh.
96
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,278
As you command.
97
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:57,863
Okay, see you soon.
98
00:03:57,988 --> 00:03:59,239
T-This is fun.
99
00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:01,700
Balthromaw: Yeah, right.
100
00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:04,077
What's this show called, "ass"?
101
00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:06,705
Yeah, it's like "bones,"
but they solve ass crimes.
102
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:07,974
Woman on TV: This ass is a clue.
103
00:04:07,998 --> 00:04:09,124
Are these two gonna hook up?
104
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,293
No, and only the lame fans
want that.
105
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:12,961
Don't tell me
how to enjoy things.
106
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,755
- Go to her ass.
- That's brenner.
107
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,591
Go to brenner ass.
108
00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:18,884
Honeymoon over aheady?
109
00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:20,153
What's that supposed to mean?
110
00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:21,803
Admit it, morty. Dragons suck.
111
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,948
Why don't you admit you don't
anyone else to be happy
112
00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:26,808
because you're a sad old fart?
113
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,393
How do you saddle a fart?
114
00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:29,686
Hdyshw loom
115
00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:30,971
woman on TV: I love you, ass.
116
00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:32,206
Man on TV: I love you, brenner.
117
00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:33,315
-Shh.
118
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,108
- Ah!
- Oh!
119
00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:37,486
And that's the end of the
"morty gets a dragon" episode.
120
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:38,695
Are you gonna slay it?
121
00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:41,156
First off,
I always slay it, queen.
122
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,158
- Secondly, yes.
- Should I pause "ass"?
123
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,994
Nah, it's kind of boring
now that they're together.
124
00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:52,876
Hey, fuckface.
125
00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:55,629
Will you shut the fuck up
or at least roll over?
126
00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:57,756
Oh, no, it burns.
127
00:04:57,881 --> 00:05:00,175
Oh, my god.
Oh, the fire of... of it all.
128
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,260
Ah, if only I had
prepared better
129
00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:04,054
for this terrifying battle
by remembering
130
00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:06,181
the only thing dragons
are known for.
131
00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:15,065
Careful you don't get heartburn.
132
00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:17,150
I made that Android
with a lot of c4.
133
00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:18,860
Oh, I'm sorry. I imbued it with
134
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,613
a remote-controlled
explode-y potion.
135
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:23,323
You have bested me.
136
00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:25,158
I am at your service.
137
00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:26,743
Good to be on
the same parchment.
138
00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:28,513
Now, I'm gonna tell
my grandson you ran off
139
00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:31,665
with a low-flying 747
while you pack up your...
140
00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:33,917
Wait, is this...
Why do you have an original
141
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:36,753
ecto cooler juice box from 1989?
142
00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:39,589
I hoard that which
your kind covets.
143
00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:42,634
- Give you 20 bucks for it.
- Nice try.
144
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,320
What the hell else
are you hoarding down here?
145
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,638
Cha-ching.
"Small soldiers" spin pops?
146
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,431
- Don't open that.
- I'm not an idiot.
147
00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:51,518
Hey, why do you have future's
self-titled album on vinyl?
148
00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:53,103
Look closer.
149
00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:54,855
Oh, shit. He signed it.
150
00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,731
Closer.
151
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,775
He signed it in Molly
and Percocet?
152
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:00,220
I could spend all night
down here.
153
00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:03,154
Do you indulge
in volcanic fumes?
154
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,740
Is it gonna fuck up my brain?
155
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:08,535
- No.
- I'll do it anyway.
156
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:11,496
Hoo, those were not
cheap tickets,
157
00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:15,333
but, um, I'm down to clown.
158
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:18,044
Uh, w-w-w-why can you talk
again, uh?
159
00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:19,409
Cat: It's not important, Jerry.
160
00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:20,797
Okay, but why Florida?
161
00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:22,591
Cat: Because they don't
ask questions.
162
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,885
They play volleyball,
they party, and they have fun.
163
00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:26,553
Right, right.
164
00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:27,804
Cat: You can do this, Jerry.
165
00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:31,182
I can do this. I can do this.
166
00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:34,477
Ugh!
167
00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:36,646
Oh, yeah.
168
00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:38,481
Jipe:
Hey, Jerry, after this game,
169
00:06:38,607 --> 00:06:40,150
come to my yacht
and bring your cat.
170
00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:41,735
You got it, jipe.
171
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:43,570
I got to admit, you were right.
172
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:45,375
Cat: I've got to tell you
something, Jerry.
173
00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:48,074
This is the happiest I've ever
been in my entire life.
174
00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:50,535
Woman: Oh, gross!
Who shit in the sand?
175
00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:53,163
Someone took a small shit
in the sand
176
00:06:53,288 --> 00:06:55,165
and buried it with, like,
two little kicks
177
00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:57,417
and just left it here
like a land mine.
178
00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:59,669
Why and who?
179
00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:01,838
Cat: It was him.
180
00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:05,759
Help!
181
00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:07,844
J“ percocets, yeah,
Molly, percocets j“
182
00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:09,346
j“ percocets j“
183
00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:12,307
j“ percocets, yeah,
Molly, percocets j“
184
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,683
J“ mask on j“
185
00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:15,185
j“ fuck it, mask off j“
186
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:18,271
j“ gas gone, never nod off j“
187
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:24,778
I'm being summoned by morty.
188
00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:26,655
Yeah. He's, uh, texting me.
189
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,907
Hmm. How are you responding?
190
00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:30,325
Ugh, I tend not to,
191
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,869
or maybe I'll send, like,
a popular animated gif
192
00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:34,871
that could be interpreted
in almost any way.
193
00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:35,997
Brilliant.
194
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,958
I summon thee.
195
00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:41,670
I summon thee, balthromaw.
196
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,046
What the hell?
197
00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:45,131
Taylor swift pumping her hands
in the air?
198
00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:47,026
- What does it mean when...
- It means you're lame.
199
00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:49,260
J“ percocets, yeah,
Molly, percocets j“
200
00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:50,512
j“ percocets j“
201
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:53,181
j“ percocets, yeah,
Molly, percocets j“
202
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:54,182
j“ mask on j“
203
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:55,475
j“ fuck it, mask off j“
204
00:07:56,935 --> 00:07:59,437
J“ gas gone, never nod off j“
205
00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:04,442
balthromaw: What's the saying?
206
00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:08,071
"Orcs work to live.
Dwarves live to work."
207
00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:09,280
So dumb.
208
00:08:09,406 --> 00:08:10,675
If there's ever a saying
about me,
209
00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,909
I'll fly into the fucking sun.
210
00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:18,415
Oh, you're small for a dragon,
Rick.
211
00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:20,917
Well, I sleep on an extra big
pile of awesome shit.
212
00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:23,294
Then there will be sayings
about you.
213
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:25,839
Your lessers will hunt you down,
214
00:08:25,964 --> 00:08:29,050
and you will be owned or slain.
215
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:31,678
That's why they call it
a dying breed, brother.
216
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:36,266
Ugh! Ugh!
217
00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:38,101
Oh, god, ugh.
218
00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:39,436
- My soul.
- Oh!
219
00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:42,939
I'm... I'm a dragon.
220
00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:44,399
Oh! Ugh, I'm bonding.
221
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:45,817
I'm bonding too.
222
00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:48,361
- Oh!
- Yeah.
223
00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:49,654
What the fuck?
224
00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:50,864
Morty, I can explain.
225
00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:52,032
Stop!
226
00:08:52,157 --> 00:08:53,450
Why are you still doing it?
227
00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:55,326
Why does it feel better now?
228
00:08:55,452 --> 00:08:57,430
I hope it's not because you're
watching but don't go anywhere.
229
00:08:57,454 --> 00:08:59,372
How did you find us?
230
00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:03,334
We followed the smell
of sulfur and skankery.
231
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:05,670
- Oh!
- Oh, yeah.
232
00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:07,964
- Oh, man, ugh.
- Morty: Fuck this.
233
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:10,383
You can take this stupid
fake soul-bond contract,
234
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:13,178
and you can... mm! Ah!
235
00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:14,554
No refunds.
236
00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:16,931
Your dragon soul-bonded
with my grandpa.
237
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,392
Oh, my! I am so sorry.
238
00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:21,102
That is a total violation.
239
00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:22,228
Yeah, no shit.
240
00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:24,064
I'll take care of this atonce.
241
00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:25,356
You slut dragon!
242
00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:26,500
- What the fuck?
- You slut.
243
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:27,525
- Chill out, dude.
- Slut!
244
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:28,770
- Okay, that's...
- You slut!
245
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:30,058
- Y-You don't have to...
- Slut!
246
00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:31,321
Shame on you!
247
00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:33,046
Shame, you slut!
You slutty, slutty slut!
248
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,925
Ow! Why the fuck does it feel
like you're whipping me?
249
00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:37,077
Because your soul got tangled
250
00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:38,495
- in a dirty...
- Ah!
251
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:39,621
- Slutty...
- Ow!
252
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:40,997
- Slut soul!
- Ow!
253
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:42,123
- Let's go!
- Ow! Ow!
254
00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:43,666
Get to that portal, you slut.
255
00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:46,002
Grandpa, do something,
or I will tweet,
256
00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:48,254
and you will be canceled.
257
00:09:48,379 --> 00:09:51,508
Hey, dandruff the great, lighten
up and give the kid his dragon.
258
00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:52,801
By whose command?
259
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,052
You have no magic.
260
00:09:54,177 --> 00:09:56,012
Yeah, I know.
I have actual power.
261
00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:57,388
Not here, you don't.
262
00:09:57,514 --> 00:10:00,350
True power looks like this...
263
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,560
Stone monster.
264
00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:05,105
- Stick that up your ass.
- Oh, you're done?
265
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:08,233
I thought the rock monster was
here to introduce a physicist.
266
00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:13,905
Spinal cord, uh,
activate morphine.
267
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:16,157
Oh, I might be fucked.
268
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:18,034
Lightning bridge!
269
00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:21,579
Okay, he's gone. Listen up.
270
00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:23,264
There's probably animals
in these hills.
271
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,333
If you spare me, I can make
your crotch a salt lick.
272
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:29,587
Agana aksaka sapooloo.
273
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,216
Thank you, morty.
274
00:10:33,341 --> 00:10:35,552
Figures you'd be higher status
in lame world.
275
00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:37,387
Get your shit together,
lair wrecker.
276
00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:39,097
We need to rescue balthromaw.
277
00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:42,100
Morty, the moral of this story
is bros before dragons.
278
00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:43,726
You know what I'm talking about?
279
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:46,437
Yeah, if he dies while
you're soul bonded, you die too.
280
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:49,983
Morty, the moral of this story
is bros rescue dragons.
281
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:53,403
Wizard: Balthromaw,
by soul bonding
282
00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:55,155
with multiple riders,
283
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:58,533
you have violated the treaty
between dragon and mankind.
284
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:02,912
The dragonarchy sentences you
to hang by the neck until dead.
285
00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:04,706
On the count of three.
286
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,666
One dragonarchy,
287
00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:08,877
two dragonarchy,
288
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:11,254
2 1/2...
I just wanted to make sure...
289
00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:13,339
Three!
290
00:11:13,464 --> 00:11:15,550
Grandpa Rick, what's wrong?
291
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:18,303
Oh, god. The wizard must have
hung balthromaw!
292
00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:19,971
Well, fuck it.
Can we go back then?
293
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:21,973
W-Well, no, no.
It takes, like, 78 years
294
00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:23,378
to hang a dragon to death, so...
295
00:11:23,474 --> 00:11:25,143
Aw, man. It's so annoying.
296
00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:27,604
You ever, like, try to swallow
a really big vitamin
297
00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:29,105
with no water? Ugh!
298
00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:30,523
You know, like
299
00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:32,317
Really, like, big one, you know,
300
00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:35,403
and it kind of gets,
ugh, stuck in your throat?
301
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,808
It's... it's annoying.
All right.
302
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:39,115
Morty, go ahead
and activate this golem.
303
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,367
Agana aksaka sapooloo.
304
00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:56,174
Fucking dumb. All right.
305
00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:58,843
Who wants to be infused with,
like, uh, unreasonable power?
306
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:00,970
Oh, can I be, like,
a sexy arrow-shooty lady?
307
00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:04,140
Yeah, whatever.
There's no rules. I don't care.
308
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:06,100
Morty, you want superpowers?
309
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,061
No, thanks. I'm fine.
I've got my book.
310
00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:09,646
All right. Good luck with that.
311
00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:11,272
Let's go.
312
00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:14,335
Rick: God, it's like...
313
00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:15,502
Have you ever had too much
orange juice,
314
00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:16,903
or, like, you know how egg yolk
315
00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:18,571
kind of, like,
gets in your throat?
316
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:19,696
Morty: Yeah, we get it.
317
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:20,782
Come on and hurry.
318
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,325
W-We got to free balthromaw.
319
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:24,160
- Upsulu...
- I got this.
320
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:29,874
Morty, how's that book
working out for you,
321
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,918
you fucking d-d-dumb-ass?
322
00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:36,714
Huh. You know what?
You're right.
323
00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:38,633
I could get used
to this magic stuff.
324
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:49,060
There's balthromaw.
325
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:50,478
Check this shit out. Watch this.
326
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:51,622
Oh, yeah, yeah. Don't even look.
327
00:12:51,646 --> 00:12:52,855
Don't even bother looking.
328
00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:54,691
Just fucking let magic
guide your arrow.
329
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:56,651
Summer, what the hell
are you doing?
330
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:59,237
- Take this seriously.
- Shut the fuck up, morty.
331
00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:01,507
Stop trying to pretend like
magic involves skill or thought.
332
00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:03,676
Summer, make it look like it's
coming out of your butthole.
333
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,076
Yeah, yeah.
334
00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:07,078
Ah!
335
00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:09,872
Oh, fuck, my fucking eye, oh!
336
00:13:09,998 --> 00:13:12,667
What in the medieval
equivalent of tarnation...
337
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,836
Jesus Christ!
338
00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:16,462
Summer, you fucking idiot!
339
00:13:16,587 --> 00:13:18,423
Power of 12 feet.
340
00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:19,548
Uh, ow, fuck!
341
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:20,842
I take it all back!
342
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,927
I fucking hate magic!
343
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:27,639
Ah!
344
00:13:27,682 --> 00:13:28,682
Slut thief!
345
00:13:28,766 --> 00:13:30,810
You're a slut thief!
346
00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:36,107
Cat: Pretty fun boat,
fun people.
347
00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:39,444
That's great, not being asked
why I can talk.
348
00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:43,114
I'm a talking cat, but
"who cares why?" Is my point.
349
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:46,284
Well, nice talking to you
for no reason.
350
00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:49,746
Jorge, that was a good one,
351
00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:51,598
but do you know what
a peanut butter gargoyle is?
352
00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:52,832
Nah, what's that?
353
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:54,792
Dude, it's when you
take the chick,
354
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:56,895
- put her feet on a cathedral...
- Sorry to interrupt, guys.
355
00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:59,672
Just want to clarify,
are these real sex positions?
356
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:01,215
Because if they are,
357
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,760
how are they gratifying
to the male at all?
358
00:14:03,885 --> 00:14:05,636
And if the goal is
to make something up,
359
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:09,724
why not make up
something... funnier?
360
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:12,852
I'm asking too many questions,
aren't I?
361
00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:14,228
How ironic.
362
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,314
Get out of Florida,
you overthinking cat.
363
00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:18,479
Why don't you go overthink shit
up north in Georgia?
364
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:19,734
All: Hate that cat.
365
00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:31,120
Cat: You got any money
for a cab?
366
00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:32,580
Why ask questions?
367
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,290
Why not just have fun?
368
00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:35,792
I deserve that.
369
00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:38,544
Wizard:
Attention, citizens of draygon,
370
00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:41,297
a slut dragon has escaped.
371
00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:44,675
Anyone caught harboring it
is also a slut.
372
00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:46,260
- That's how it goes.
- Ow, my eye.
373
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:49,180
It pains me that
you can feel my pain.
374
00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:50,657
Yeah, how about
you suck your dick,
375
00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:52,392
which is also somehow my dick?
376
00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:55,812
Aw, why can't couples that start
out cheating ever end up happy?
377
00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,897
M-Maybe I can find
that wizard's portal spell
378
00:14:58,022 --> 00:14:59,315
in here and g-get us home.
379
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,085
How about finding the spell
that unbinds me
380
00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:02,318
from your fucking dragon?
381
00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:04,320
Debranavox:
No spells can do that.
382
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:06,489
Only the wizard
can unbind soul bonds.
383
00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:07,824
Uh, who the fuck are you?
384
00:15:07,949 --> 00:15:09,617
Who are we?
Who the fuck are you, bitch?
385
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:12,036
Debrah, stop.
We are the slut dragons.
386
00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:14,080
We live in these slut caves
where we fuck,
387
00:15:14,205 --> 00:15:17,125
suck, and eat butt, and
we kindly ask that you leave.
388
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,502
If the wizard knows we are here,
he will imprison us.
389
00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:21,003
Yeah! We like it down here
390
00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:23,297
'cause we can fuck
woolly mammoths. Get out!
391
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,298
Get the fuck out of here,
Michael!
392
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:25,299
Shut up, Michael!
393
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:26,300
You're the only one
that fucks that thing.
394
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:27,552
Get the fuck out of here.
395
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:29,303
Well, at least
I'm not into shit play.
396
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:30,656
- Debranavox: Fuck you!
- Morty: Hey, wait!
397
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,181
Everybody stop, stop!
398
00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:33,891
Listen, this is all my fault.
399
00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:36,477
I started all this when
I tried to control balthromaw,
400
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:37,728
and that was fucked up.
401
00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:39,313
Nobody should control anyone,
402
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:40,857
especially that guy up there.
403
00:15:40,982 --> 00:15:43,359
And, um, you can eat butt
if you want, I guess.
404
00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:44,670
- I, uh...
- I got this, morty.
405
00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:46,279
Okay, listen up, slut dragons!
406
00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:48,197
Wouldn't you rather
be sluts up there,
407
00:15:48,322 --> 00:15:50,658
have a fuck world
instead of a fuck cave?
408
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,160
What's wrong with you?
409
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:54,203
This man with a ponytail
makes a valid point.
410
00:15:54,328 --> 00:15:56,998
All dragons are sluts deep down,
even the ones up above,
411
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,125
but we would have to kill
the wizard to be free.
412
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:00,418
He is too powerful.
413
00:16:00,543 --> 00:16:03,129
There is a way
to kill the wizard.
414
00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:04,734
Whoa.
Who's this mysterious character?
415
00:16:04,839 --> 00:16:06,424
Shadow jacker,
you haven't come out
416
00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:08,217
of your masturbation cave
in eons.
417
00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:11,554
It's high time I emerge
from my cum cocoon.
418
00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:13,848
I grow tired of eavesdropping
and masturbating
419
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,099
to the sounds you all make.
420
00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:16,434
Jesus Christ. All right.
421
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:17,661
C-Could use
a little more mystery.
422
00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:19,312
Oh, oh, just now
seeing the staff.
423
00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:22,565
We've never had enough sluts
to defeat the wizard.
424
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:25,109
Now, with the four fresh,
wet sluts that
425
00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:28,571
just landed on our doorstep,
we finally have a chance.
426
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:30,740
So killing the wizard
will break my soul bond.
427
00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:33,075
Yes, it solves
all of our problems.
428
00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:35,203
We must begin
a 10-slut soul orgy...
429
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:36,871
Morty: Wait, wait, what?
430
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:39,373
And become the all-slut
slut Phoenix dragon, slut.
431
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:40,851
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Hold on. Hold on.
432
00:16:40,875 --> 00:16:42,475
There's got to be
something else in here.
433
00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:44,021
There's got to be another way.
Just give me a second.
434
00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:45,671
Ihaventread all this yet.
435
00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:51,135
Maybe don't tell your parents
we did this?
436
00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:18,246
Oh, oh, no.
Oh... wait, please, no!
437
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:19,622
Ice spell! Ice spell!
438
00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:21,707
Oh, god!
439
00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:23,334
That just made it last longer.
440
00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:24,961
Ah, it burns longer!
441
00:17:25,086 --> 00:17:27,004
Ah, I could have died fast!
442
00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:32,510
Thank you, strangers.
443
00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:34,196
Well, it's your world now.
Have fun with empowerment.
444
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,156
It seems to make everyone
that gets it really happy.
445
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:39,141
All right, guys.
I'll use this to open a portal.
446
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:41,852
Uh, open a portal to earth.
447
00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:43,646
Let's get the hell
out of here fast.
448
00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:45,314
God, look at this piece of shit.
449
00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:47,775
Why is there writing on it?
Who writes on a portal?
450
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:52,756
Should've taken me up on those
Wolverine claws instead, morty.
451
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,240
Wait, why did the dragon come?
452
00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:56,534
I was thinking
we could hang out?
453
00:17:56,659 --> 00:17:58,536
Oh, yeah. Whoa, Jesus.
454
00:17:58,661 --> 00:18:00,371
Your dad's been texting me
this whole time?
455
00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:02,039
Uh, he's at an airport
with a cat.
456
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:03,708
Okay, that...
That sounds... wow.
457
00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:05,113
You know, I better check on him.
458
00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:06,727
Big season finale right there,
you know?
459
00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:08,379
Better, uh...
Better go right now.
460
00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:10,256
Also, I told you not
to get a dragon, morty.
461
00:18:10,381 --> 00:18:12,192
This is your fault.
Fuck you, worst adventure ever.
462
00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:13,759
Worst adventure ever.
463
00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:16,679
Yeah, uh, I guess you better be
on your way too, balthromaw.
464
00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:18,556
Well, I've been thinking.
465
00:18:18,681 --> 00:18:22,101
What you said back there in the
cave really resonated with me.
466
00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:23,853
Maybe we could try again?
467
00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:25,414
Look, to be honest,
I'm kind of grossed out
468
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,607
with the sexual nature
of how everything unfolded.
469
00:18:27,732 --> 00:18:29,525
I didn't know
how sexual dragons were.
470
00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:31,902
I kind of just wanted to do
some d&d stuff, you know?
471
00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:34,155
And have a soul orgy
with your sister and grandpa
472
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:35,906
and every dragon
we could find, yeah?
473
00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:37,908
No, look,
can you please just go?
474
00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:39,410
I-I-I really want to shower.
475
00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:41,245
Maybe a quick soul bone
before I go.
476
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:42,538
I-i-i-I'm good.
477
00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:43,903
I think I just need to be alone
478
00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:45,875
and sort of
UN... unpack all this.
479
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,209
What about your grandpa?
480
00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:48,628
Would he want to? I can wait.
481
00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:50,046
No, I think you better go.
482
00:18:50,171 --> 00:18:51,756
I-I'm gonna take that shower.
483
00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:54,383
If it's just warm liquid you
want trickled over your body,
484
00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:55,819
- I could maybe...
- No, no, look.
485
00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:57,178
I just want to be clean!
486
00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:59,239
I-I-I feel dirty after
everything that's happened.
487
00:18:59,263 --> 00:19:02,224
How about a quick hand bond?
488
00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:04,077
- I like doing it.
- You're embarrassing yourself.
489
00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:05,770
I-i-I'm closing the door.
490
00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:08,814
Fucking soul teasers.
491
00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:11,025
Cat: This is a cool car.
I like having fun.
492
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,950
That's what I'm talking about.
Keep it moving.
493
00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:14,278
Don't ask why I can talk.
494
00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:15,988
- Mm, mm, mm.
- Uh-huh.
495
00:19:16,113 --> 00:19:18,532
For sure. For sure.
496
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,076
Cat: Where are we going?
497
00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:22,286
Quantum radiator might need
some nanowater.
498
00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:24,288
We... we can stretch our legs.
499
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:33,047
So, uh, why can you talk?
500
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:34,548
Cat: What is this?
501
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,926
I need you in one spot
for a clean mind scan.
502
00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:39,136
Cat: Mind scan?
Look, you're overthinking it.
503
00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:41,097
The point of a talking cat
is to have fun.
504
00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:43,432
I find the insinuation that
I can't ask questions
505
00:19:43,557 --> 00:19:45,101
and have fun condescending.
506
00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:46,811
Y-You find it condescending,
Jerry?
507
00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:47,936
Yes.
508
00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:49,373
Cat: All right.
I'm from outer space.
509
00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:50,606
-Happy?
510
00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:52,900
Cat: Exactly, because no answer
would be satisfying.
511
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,025
Because it's a lie.
512
00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:56,404
Let's see the truth.
513
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:57,530
What in the...
514
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,410
Oh, son of a bitch.
515
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:03,911
- Jerry, don't.
- I want to see.
516
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:05,955
No, you do not.
517
00:20:08,416 --> 00:20:11,252
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no!
518
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,587
Cat: At least now maybe...
519
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:14,714
Get the hell out of here!
520
00:20:14,839 --> 00:20:15,715
But I've got nowhere to go.
521
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:16,882
- Get out!
- Get out!
522
00:20:17,007 --> 00:20:18,007
Get out!
523
00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:30,396
He was in my home where
I keep photos of my parents.
524
00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:31,564
Jerry, I have a device.
525
00:20:31,689 --> 00:20:32,982
I-It can make us forget.
526
00:20:33,107 --> 00:20:35,776
No, I don't think we should
forget,
527
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,319
not this.
528
00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:39,488
Someone has to remember.
529
00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:41,198
Someone will.
530
00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:44,493
Did we crash?
531
00:20:44,618 --> 00:20:45,618
Where's the cat?
532
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:47,496
He, uh, ran away.
533
00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:49,582
- Did you scan his brain?
- Yeah.
534
00:20:49,707 --> 00:20:50,987
Did you find out
why he can talk?
535
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,835
He's from outer space.
536
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,962
Outer space?
537
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:56,589
That little...
538
00:20:56,714 --> 00:20:59,967
Of course, total mind fuck.
539
00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:37,630
Now, that's what I call
draggin'.
540
00:21:37,755 --> 00:21:39,423
- What?
- It's a joke.
541
00:21:39,548 --> 00:21:41,383
You're a dragon
draggin' your stuff.
542
00:21:41,509 --> 00:21:42,927
I understand.
543
00:21:43,052 --> 00:21:44,762
So, how you doing?
544
00:21:44,887 --> 00:21:46,847
I grow weary of you humans.
545
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:49,183
How about 50 bucks?
You weary of 50 bucks?
546
00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:50,726
I'm trying to cheat on my wife.
547
00:21:50,851 --> 00:21:52,771
I'm looking for a little magic,
a little fantasy.
548
00:21:52,895 --> 00:21:54,915
You could use some help.
Let's help each other, huh?
549
00:21:54,939 --> 00:21:55,981
50 bucks.
550
00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:00,152
Slut!
551
00:22:00,277 --> 00:22:01,987
Cat: Nice.
552
00:22:02,112 --> 00:22:03,489
Is there a reason you can speak?
553
00:22:03,614 --> 00:22:06,242
Yeah, and I'm ashamed of it.
554
00:22:06,367 --> 00:22:08,744
Then speak of it no more.
555
00:22:08,869 --> 00:22:11,831
Do you wish to eat,
maybe bond a little?
556
00:22:11,956 --> 00:22:13,833
Cat: Yeah, I could bond.
557
00:22:13,958 --> 00:22:15,835
How long does it take you
to fly to Florida?
37683
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