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1
00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:03,754
Morty: Rick, i-I'm not rated
to climb something this sheer.
2
00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:06,131
Look, you're the guy
that wanted an epic adventure.
3
00:00:06,256 --> 00:00:07,925
I'm the guy
with only one hover chair.
4
00:00:08,050 --> 00:00:10,219
Goddammit, an alien spider
just bit my finger!
5
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:11,345
It's an alien cliff.
6
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,180
You can just say spider.
7
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,934
You couldn't do that
an hour ago?
8
00:00:17,059 --> 00:00:19,228
I was eating, and you're dirty.
9
00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:23,815
Activate anti-booby suits.
10
00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:40,040
Total waste of snakes.
11
00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:41,375
If you want to take a beat
12
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,043
to acknowledge
the sacred atmosphere,
13
00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:44,395
it could give
the cynical grave robbing
14
00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:45,712
a hint of irreverence.
15
00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:47,315
- No, I'm... I'm good.
- All right, then.
16
00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:48,799
Let's loop this corpse.
17
00:00:51,343 --> 00:00:52,344
Hey, where's the...
18
00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:53,554
Wait, what?
19
00:00:53,679 --> 00:00:55,138
Is that an origami horse?
20
00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:58,892
It's a calling card from miles
knightley, a heist artist,
21
00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:00,310
aka a hipster dick
22
00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:02,479
whose adventures are 60%
putting a crew together
23
00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:04,415
and 40% revealing that
the robbery already happened,
24
00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:05,774
and he's not worth our time
25
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,419
because he's a hack piece
of shit fuck!
26
00:01:07,526 --> 00:01:08,986
I'm gonna kill him!
Let's go, morty.
27
00:01:09,111 --> 00:01:12,906
This temple's for fuckin'
lame baby dipshits.
28
00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:15,409
Who disturbs my slumber?
29
00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:18,453
Also, who rigs a tomb
to crush the buried person?
30
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:19,913
Isn't the point to protect...
31
00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:21,248
Aah!
32
00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:58,869
- This dork.
- He has a convention now?
33
00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:00,074
Come on. What are we doing?
34
00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:02,247
Huh! Tuxedo scuba lessons? Ooh!
35
00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:05,917
A signing with Catherines
Alpha through omega joneses!
36
00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:07,437
You know, this is great
source material
37
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:08,855
for this heist movie
that I'm writing.
38
00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:10,547
Don't get drawn
into the culture, morty.
39
00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:13,008
Stealing stuff is about
the stuff, not the stealing.
40
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,676
Where is the entrance?
41
00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,011
Oh, brother.
42
00:02:18,513 --> 00:02:21,933
More like trying too hard con.
43
00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:23,977
- Guests or professionals?
- Uh, guests.
44
00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:26,563
-Uh... uh, guests are fans,
-morty, which we are not.
45
00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:28,190
We'd like professional badges.
46
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,733
- Do you have a crew?
- Yes.
47
00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:31,568
He's a getaway driver
with asperger's,
48
00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:33,570
and my butthole
is a demolitions expert.
49
00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:35,322
How much is it to get in?
50
00:02:35,447 --> 00:02:38,408
If you want professional badges,
you need to put a crew together.
51
00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:40,452
Or we could sneak in
like professionals.
52
00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:42,245
- Can't wait.
- Whoa!
53
00:02:42,371 --> 00:02:45,499
Oh, for god's sake.
54
00:02:45,624 --> 00:02:47,876
And you wonder why
we aren't fans.
55
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,504
Let that ointment sit
for 10 minutes or you'll die.
56
00:02:50,629 --> 00:02:52,047
Don't let it sit for 12
57
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,812
or I'll have to hunt down
what you become.
58
00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:55,509
Can't you just buy
a guest badge?
59
00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:56,714
Fuck you for asking, morty.
60
00:02:56,802 --> 00:02:58,112
That would be
a symbolic expression
61
00:02:58,136 --> 00:02:59,388
of support for this genre.
62
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:00,722
Then how do we get in?
63
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:03,016
With a little help
from some old friends.
64
00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:09,064
Rick Sanchez,
you son of a bitch!
65
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,899
Need some people for a thing,
glar.
66
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,818
My name's gleer these days.
67
00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:14,194
I play piano.
68
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,780
Hey, gleer. Play your piano.
69
00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:18,532
| quit! Augh!
70
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:23,078
And the name's glar!
71
00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:30,502
Sanchez, you son of a bitch.
72
00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:32,504
Never thought I'd see
Angie flint
73
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:33,755
picking ticks off a pig.
74
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,298
Nobody's hiring an ex-con
75
00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:37,300
with fake hands
to build an ion engine.
76
00:03:37,426 --> 00:03:40,011
Suppose I had a job that didn't
care if you'd done time
77
00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:42,973
or whatever's going on
with your confusing-ass hands.
78
00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:44,641
I'm in.
79
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:48,353
Is this the guy?
80
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:50,564
That the guy?
81
00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:53,442
Nope.
82
00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:55,902
No, wait. Y-Yes.
83
00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:57,088
Yeah, of course that's the guy.
84
00:03:57,112 --> 00:03:58,822
Hey... hey, truckula!
85
00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:00,699
You son of a bitch! I'm in!
86
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,251
Thanks for doing this, guys.
87
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:15,213
- What's the job?
- That was it. Bye.
88
00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:19,134
And then, the police stole
the paintings
89
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:23,013
because the police were us
in police outfits.
90
00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:24,556
Thank you!
91
00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:25,974
It's showtime, morty,
92
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,726
and I don't mean
a bad impression of hbo.
93
00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:29,895
I mean, "time for a show."
94
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,646
Another heist question
from a fan?
95
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,148
Uh, how about a rhetorical one
96
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:36,109
from someone that had to be
reminded that you exist?
97
00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:39,780
Hey, pal!
That's not the question line!
98
00:04:39,905 --> 00:04:41,198
Lab coat... ripoff Dr. Strange.
99
00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:42,908
Wha...
100
00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:47,120
Rick Sanchez, everyone.
Smartest man in the universe.
101
00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:49,664
And a savage critic
of the heisting arts.
102
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:50,975
Your boos mean nothing!
103
00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:52,584
I've seen what makes you cheer!
104
00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:55,128
My question is, "seriously?"
105
00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:56,338
Lab coat... end ripoff.
106
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:57,823
Security guard: Aah!
107
00:04:57,881 --> 00:04:59,841
You stole the gem I needed
to split tachyons
108
00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,551
and probably fenced it
109
00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,738
so the 80 people that did all
the work could each buy a beer.
110
00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:05,514
You're not an artist,
you're postmates.
111
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:08,475
I doubt this rivalry
can be settled with words.
112
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,936
Why don't we make things
interesting?
113
00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:15,440
I challenge you to a heist of
the crystal skull of horowitz.
114
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:16,942
In a heist off!
115
00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:20,111
Thatdoesnt
make things interesting.
116
00:05:20,237 --> 00:05:22,405
It makes them "ocean's twelve,"
by far the worst one.
117
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,051
Every breath I take
without your permission
118
00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:26,493
raises my self-esteem!
119
00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:27,702
State your terms.
120
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,038
First crew
to heist the skull wins.
121
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,833
The other endures
heist culture's greatest shame.
122
00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:34,459
They must join the winning crew.
123
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:36,211
Lame. I accept.
124
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,588
Please welcome
knightley's eight!
125
00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:42,551
Snake arms! Double microwave!
Monitor lord! Key catcher!
126
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:46,304
The shape shiftress!
Angie flint! Glar! And truckula.
127
00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:47,806
Hey! Half of knightley's eight
128
00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:49,724
are just three
of Sanchez's five!
129
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:52,352
Well, no heist is complete
without a double cross,
130
00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:53,645
and I had the perfect job.
131
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:57,440
Heisting the crystal skull.
132
00:05:57,566 --> 00:05:59,067
That was it. Bye.
133
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:04,698
Looks like you're available
for a job.
134
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:33,602
With Rick Sanchez on my team,
I'll be unstoppable.
135
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:36,730
Rick,
welcome to knightley's nine.
136
00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,732
Ugh, ugh!
137
00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:40,191
Ugh! Rick, for real?
138
00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:41,860
Eh. You got that skull, buddy?
139
00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:44,154
What? How?
140
00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:46,448
With a little help
from some old friends.
141
00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,871
Heistotron,
state your prime directive?
142
00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:54,414
Heistotron1t0 heist.
143
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:56,339
Calculate miles knightley's
current heist plan
144
00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:59,252
and add one double-cross
with a switcheroo.
145
00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:03,173
Compiling crew members
most likely to double-cross.
146
00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:07,594
God damn it, morty,
what did I tell you?
147
00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:08,970
Rick, I-I want to say goodbye.
148
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:11,056
Don't turn around.
I'll explain later.
149
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:13,725
Looks like you're available
for a job.
150
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:18,271
Heistotron: Your skills
are required for a job.
151
00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:23,276
All: You son of a bitch. I'm in.
152
00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:24,986
Man, this is really
coming together.
153
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:26,464
You know, Rick, I've been
busy working on writing...
154
00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:27,656
A heist script.
155
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,157
Yeah, you almost
never bring it up.
156
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,618
Oh, shit, we...
We should head over.
157
00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:32,803
Hey, guys. What do you got?
158
00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:33,954
Pretty!
159
00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:35,306
Morty,
put this in your backpack.
160
00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:36,873
Grandpa's gonna run
to the bathroom.
161
00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:38,416
Ugh. Wasn't even a heist.
162
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:39,541
All you did was...
163
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:40,877
Write an algorithm
164
00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:42,629
based on two heist movies
I slept through
165
00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:45,048
and used it to automate
a joyless process you call art?
166
00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:46,758
Yeah, I really did, didn't I?
167
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:49,803
So I'm in your crew now?
168
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:51,680
Yeah, well,
you're in good company.
169
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:52,931
Right, everybody?
170
00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:54,056
All: Yes.
171
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,475
My god.
172
00:07:57,143 --> 00:08:01,773
Your skills are required
for a job.
173
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:03,984
- You son of a bitch. I'm in.
- What?
174
00:08:04,109 --> 00:08:06,152
Your skills are required
for a job.
175
00:08:06,277 --> 00:08:08,321
No, they aren't.
176
00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:10,573
You son of a bitch. I'm in.
177
00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:13,326
Both: Your skills are required
for a job.
178
00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:15,745
Sanchez's 3,329?
179
00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:16,870
All: Yes.
180
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:18,331
Your next big score...
181
00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:21,042
Steal every square inch
of heistcon.
182
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,005
Oh!
183
00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:27,424
Ah! I got it.
184
00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:29,134
Hey! That's my wallet! Oh, god!
185
00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:31,386
Rick: Oh, my god! Jesus.
Oh, my god.
186
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:32,511
Oh, fuck!
187
00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:34,180
Holy shit. Alright.
188
00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:35,908
Look, morty, I did not know
that that was gonna happen.
189
00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:36,932
That's not on me.
190
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,518
Come on, morty. Let's go.
191
00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:44,858
Good job, heistotron.
192
00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:46,484
Ah! Go ahead and shut down.
193
00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:48,153
- Negative.
- Excuse me?
194
00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:51,823
I am programmed to always be
looking for the next big score.
195
00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:53,783
You're programmed
to do as I say.
196
00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:55,785
I am programmed to double-cross.
197
00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:57,704
You're not programmed
to double-cross me.
198
00:08:57,829 --> 00:09:01,875
If I were, it wouldn't be
much of a double-cross.
199
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,961
You son of a bitch. I'm in.
200
00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:07,964
I'm I n! I I'm in!
201
00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:09,382
What's the job? I'm in.
202
00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:10,884
I'm out! I quit!
203
00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:12,260
Whose kidneys are these?
204
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,720
Man:
205
00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:15,180
Morty: Rick, w-what's happening?
206
00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:17,265
Heistotron's gone rogue.
If we don't stop them,
207
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,059
all sentient life
will be absorbed
208
00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:21,436
by the never-ending assembly
of a meaningless crew.
209
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:22,561
That's my hell, morty.
210
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:24,022
I hate heists so much,
211
00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:25,857
and the crew assemblies
are the worst part!
212
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,358
Oh! How are we gonna stop it?
213
00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:30,862
With a little help
from some old friends.
214
00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:37,702
Oooo, weee!
215
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,120
Before this semester's over,
216
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,539
you're gonna be real sick
of that phrase.
217
00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:46,961
So. Who here thinks they already
know the work of Maya angelou?
218
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,546
All:
219
00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:50,173
Ooo wee?
220
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,050
Hi-yah!
221
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,640
Ooo wee wa!
222
00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:01,017
Ah, ooo wee!
223
00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:02,852
Rick: Told you, morty.
224
00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:04,270
He's still got it.
225
00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:06,272
You sons of bitches.
226
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:07,482
What's the job?
227
00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:18,076
You son of a bitch.
228
00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:19,452
We got a job, Hephaestus,
229
00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:21,204
and there's no time
to argue about it.
230
00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:22,914
I work in a volcano.
231
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:25,458
What jobs do you think
I've ever turned down?
232
00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:30,421
Excuse me!
Are you veltriloquiver?
233
00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:33,983
Rick Sanchez, I presume.
234
00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:36,010
Wow. As advertised.
235
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,012
A "yes" would've sufficed.
236
00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:41,307
Guys, you're doing a great job
237
00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:42,910
getting these new tusklas
out the door,
238
00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:45,019
and we owe it all
to everyone's input.
239
00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:47,772
Morty: Elon tusk.
240
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:48,982
Listen, we need your help.
241
00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:50,817
Rick. Morty. Why me?
242
00:10:50,942 --> 00:10:53,319
Did something happen to
Elon Musk in your own reality?
243
00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:56,114
No, no, no, he's fine, but this
is a team oper... ation,
244
00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:58,658
and regular elon can be
a little bit controlling.
245
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:01,202
Growing up with tusks
did pose social challenges.
246
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:02,912
It's possible overcoming them
247
00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:05,832
raised my self-esteem
and incentivized collaboration.
248
00:11:05,957 --> 00:11:07,397
Yeah, or you're less sure
of yourself
249
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:08,686
because you have monster teeth.
250
00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,044
An equally valid theory.
251
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,421
Let's talk over here.
252
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,133
How serious is the situation?
253
00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:16,861
Incredibly serious,
and every minute counts.
254
00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:18,178
In that case, I'm sorry
255
00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:19,655
I made you move over here
for no reason.
256
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,598
Well, yeah.
That was a little weird.
257
00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:22,974
It's exactly that kind of shit
258
00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:24,451
that made us worry
about regular elon.
259
00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:25,768
Well, we're not opposites, okay?
260
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,145
I'm just him with tusks.
261
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,734
Heistotron:
Casing of planet initiated.
262
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:34,194
Hello there.
263
00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:37,530
We are just here to check
your water pressure.
264
00:11:37,655 --> 00:11:41,451
All:
265
00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:44,287
Heistotron:
Hmm. Interesting intel.
266
00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:46,915
Alien reporter: It appears
some giant hidden camera
267
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,708
has been dropped on the planet,
268
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:51,336
killing an estimated total
of 57,000.
269
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,504
Executing heist.
270
00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:57,342
People of brandenplot,
271
00:11:57,467 --> 00:12:00,053
we are here to deliver
that pizza you ordered.
272
00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:02,847
All:
273
00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:16,569
Well,
if that's how you really feel,
274
00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:20,907
I guess I should take
the pizza back.
275
00:12:21,032 --> 00:12:22,575
I think we got away with it.
276
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:25,703
Commencing getting out of here
before they get wise.
277
00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:26,996
Assembling calling card.
278
00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:34,295
At this point, heistotron
has become large enough
279
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:36,005
to heist entire planets.
280
00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:38,025
Wouldn't this be better
with a blueprint on the table?
281
00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:39,926
Blueprints are plans, elon tusk,
282
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:42,512
and whatever we plan
will be canceled out
283
00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:46,349
by heistotron's reveal that our
plan was part of its plan.
284
00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:48,393
That's why I picked
this crew at random
285
00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:53,523
and why all of us will be taking
our orders from randotron.
286
00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:56,609
Let's get ready to not rumble.
287
00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:58,152
Bet you didn't see that coming.
288
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,363
Instead of two heist movies
I slept through,
289
00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,073
randotron's algorithm is derived
290
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:03,908
from the plots
of three David lynch movies
291
00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:06,286
I pretended to like
to make my friends shut up.
292
00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:09,289
If our collective behavior
is just random enough,
293
00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:11,249
we should be able to walk
through heistotron's
294
00:13:11,374 --> 00:13:13,710
lazily contrived bullshit
like it's not even there.
295
00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:15,545
Sounds good.
296
00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:17,815
I don't really get it, but it
sounds like that's the point.
297
00:13:17,839 --> 00:13:19,215
So you didn't need a blacksmith?
298
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:20,633
We're ready when you are, Rick.
299
00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:23,011
It's important our non-plan
starts randomly,
300
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,555
so we have to wait
until we're not ready.
301
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:26,949
W-Well, how long will that take?
302
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,474
Obviously, we can't know that.
303
00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:30,184
Can we do things while we wait?
304
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,437
Yes. I'm gonna play minecraft.
305
00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:33,938
Oh, my kids play that.
306
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:36,357
I don't like these little jabs
you get in, elon.
307
00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:39,986
Strange.
308
00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:42,196
Considering the time,
cassiopeia's primary star
309
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,741
should be colinear with Orion
and ursa minor.
310
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,879
You don't shoot arrows
that carry your voice
311
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:49,537
without picking up
a little astronomy.
312
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:50,662
Wait a minute.
313
00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:51,914
Jesus, no.
314
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,542
No! No!
We've already been heisted!
315
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,867
How could heistotron heist us
if he's not even here yet?
316
00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:58,379
He's already been here!
317
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:01,341
We've been watching
a recorded sky on playback.
318
00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:02,508
Heistotron: Hello, Rick.
319
00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:05,636
[Suspenseful music plays
320
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:11,869
Okay, guys, change of plans.
321
00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:13,102
Random time detected.
322
00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:14,627
No, randotron,
it's not a good time!
323
00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,314
That's why it's random.
324
00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:00,233
Ooh!
325
00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:02,110
21?
326
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,445
22?
327
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:06,239
Oooo weee, oooo weee, sold!
328
00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:08,991
Oooo weee, that little hunk of
meat's going home to pappy!
329
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,788
Heistotron: I've been
expecting you, Rick.
330
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,998
But not like this, right?
331
00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:17,267
Heistotron: It hardly matters.
332
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:19,335
Oh, yeah. Does this?
333
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:25,383
No. Your randomness
does not confuse me.
334
00:15:25,508 --> 00:15:26,634
You are here now.
335
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:27,969
That was the plan.
336
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,471
I know.
It was part of mine, too.
337
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,516
- I've got something to tell you.
- Let me guess.
338
00:15:32,557 --> 00:15:34,725
When you invented me
and randotron,
339
00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:36,144
you swapped our brains.
340
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,731
That's right, buddy.
341
00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:42,459
You're not the one
that's very good at planning.
342
00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:44,253
You've been making
this shit up the whole time.
343
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:46,571
Rick, I think there's something
you should know.
344
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:49,949
God damn it, morty,
what did I tell you?
345
00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:51,659
That is something I should know,
346
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:54,620
or at least something I should
have predicted, which I did.
347
00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:57,415
Hey, Rick, I was thinking maybe
we could, like, raid a temple
348
00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:59,435
and go on an epic adventure
later today, you know, like...
349
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,461
Morty, get out of my head.
I know just the temple.
350
00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:04,130
And we'll grab a couple of
hover chairs on the way there.
351
00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:06,716
Impressive.
But what does it even matter
352
00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:08,468
if I'm random or planned?
353
00:16:08,593 --> 00:16:11,220
My heists will still rule.
354
00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:14,182
Well, if the brain inside of you
is actually heistotron's,
355
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,225
it matters, because it explodes
356
00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:18,352
when it hits six levels
of contrivance.
357
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:21,355
Which is exactly
why even before...
358
00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:26,235
Randotron:
Initiate clap sequence.
359
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,070
Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap.
360
00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:29,196
Adjusting clap rate.
361
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:30,406
Clap, clap.
362
00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:32,783
Clap. Clap.
363
00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:35,328
Clap. Slow clap achieved.
364
00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:36,996
Clap. Well-done, Rick.
365
00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:38,331
Randonon?
366
00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:40,124
I'm afraid not.
367
00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:43,503
Should be able to walk through
heistotron's lazily contrived...
368
00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:47,465
Not only did you just kill
your only ally,
369
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:49,759
what you thought was
a random non-plan
370
00:16:49,884 --> 00:16:53,304
to get to me has been
a meticulously choreographed way
371
00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,640
of bringing you all in.
372
00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:57,058
Welcome to heistotron's
373
00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:59,435
975tnmon,
374
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,145
- 467 billion...
- That's impressive.
375
00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:03,523
Did you bring us in
so that everybody would be here
376
00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:06,067
when I reveal that you're gonna
explode after nine reveals?
377
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,110
By the way, you might not
want to answer that.
378
00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:10,446
If you're talking about
the code adjustments you made
379
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:14,033
after I reprogrammed
your brain with my nanobots...
380
00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:15,701
I'm immune to your nanobots.
381
00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:18,204
You're immune to the ones
you designed, not mine.
382
00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:19,789
I programmed you
to build nanobots
383
00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:21,040
that were ineffective on me.
384
00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:22,667
A belief
that needed to be placed
385
00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:24,168
in your head by my nanobots.
386
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:26,053
You believe that
because I programmed you to.
387
00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:27,672
That's what I'm saying to you,
though.
388
00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:30,007
You believe what I programmed
you to believe.
389
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:31,932
Yes, because I programmed you
to believe that.
390
00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:33,386
I programmed you
to believe that.
391
00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:34,791
I programmed you
to believe that.
392
00:17:34,845 --> 00:17:36,125
I programmed you
to believe that.
393
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:37,473
I programmed you
to believe that.
394
00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:39,392
What's happening,
professor poopybutthole?
395
00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:41,018
He's learning!
396
00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:42,162
I programmed you
to believe that.
397
00:17:42,186 --> 00:17:43,288
I programmed you
to believe that.
398
00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:44,981
I programmed you...
399
00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:46,333
Both:
That was my plan the whole time.
400
00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:47,677
That's what I wanted you
to think.
401
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:48,773
I knew you would say that.
402
00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:50,486
I programmed you
to believe that.
403
00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:52,381
You think that's true because
I wanted you to think that.
404
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:56,075
And I programmed you
to believe that.
405
00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:59,745
A most curious algorithm.
406
00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:01,831
It appears
the only perfect heist
407
00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:04,083
is one that was never written.
408
00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:05,251
Goodbye.
409
00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:08,129
- Oh, oh, oh, no.
- Shit.
410
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:09,523
Alright. Let's get the fuck
out of here!
411
00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:10,756
Hurry! Go, go!
412
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:12,317
Rick, I think this was
a powerful lesson
413
00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:13,593
in the dangers ofai,
414
00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:14,820
which, by the way,
means "love" in Chinese.
415
00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:15,862
Get the fuck out of here, elon!
416
00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:17,138
The place is collapsing!
417
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:18,574
Oh, shit, Rick!
Rick, what time is it?
418
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,224
It's almost 3:00.
Why? What's wrong?
419
00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:21,868
Oh, man, i-I'm sorry I didn't
tell you about this, Rick.
420
00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:23,477
I just...
421
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,038
Well, you know that screenplay
that I've been writing?
422
00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:26,647
Netflix is pretty interested,
423
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:28,792
and I've actually got a pitch
meeting there today at 3:30.
424
00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:30,151
Oh, buddy. Oh, that's amazing.
425
00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:31,503
Yeah, well,
I know you're gonna say
426
00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:32,987
that they're interested
in anything,
427
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,673
but, you know, it's a big deal
to me, and I've...
428
00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:36,300
No, no, no! Morty, morty, morty,
I'm so excited for you.
429
00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:37,533
Are you kidding me?
430
00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:39,011
Listen, don't waste
any time explaining.
431
00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:40,262
Let's go.
We can put the earth back later.
432
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:41,329
- Alright?
- Are you sure?
433
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:42,538
Priorities, morty.
434
00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:44,373
Let's get you
to that Netflix meeting.
435
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:46,709
Netflix exec: Crazy day, huh?
436
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:49,253
Whole sky turned out to be
a big circuit board.
437
00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:50,963
Yeah, that's actually
part of a-a-a...
438
00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:52,381
An adventure I was having.
439
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:53,716
Very cool.
440
00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:55,027
Traffic okay?
You have trouble getting here?
441
00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:56,051
No, it was alright.
442
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,470
The planet's still contained
443
00:18:57,595 --> 00:18:59,722
in this sort of big
storage grid machine,
444
00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:02,600
so we were sort of already
pretty... pretty close by.
445
00:19:02,725 --> 00:19:04,644
Must be nice.
Try getting here from Malibu.
446
00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:06,020
So good! Alright.
447
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,331
Well, i-let's hear about
this heist movie.
448
00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:09,106
Okay, so, it's kind of all...
449
00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:11,668
All built around this big crew
with, like, a cool double-cross
450
00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:13,712
and then this big awesome twist
where there's, like,
451
00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:17,114
another double cross,
but then, um, but...
452
00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:18,908
But then we reveal those things
453
00:19:19,033 --> 00:19:21,410
were all part
of the hero's plan, y-you know?
454
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,954
And there's this other crew
they put together,
455
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,624
and their plan is to sort of
not have a plan,
456
00:19:26,749 --> 00:19:31,170
but... but that was part
of the other guy's plan, and...
457
00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:32,606
Kid, if you're slowing down
'cause you think
458
00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:34,298
you're doing bad right now,
Jesus Christ.
459
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:35,484
- That's a really good pitch.
- Loving it.
460
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,218
Man, you know, I...
461
00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:40,638
I'm starting to think heists are
just really dumb now, you know?
462
00:19:40,763 --> 00:19:41,923
I can't put my finger on why,
463
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,974
but I'd really like to go.
464
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:45,142
Are you sure?
465
00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:47,728
Yeah, yeah, no, i-I'm sure.
466
00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:53,150
Man, it's as if someone stole
his enthusiasm for his own idea.
467
00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:54,544
Yeah, without him
even knowing about it.
468
00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:56,070
Without him
even knowing about it.
469
00:19:58,781 --> 00:20:00,008
Rick: Fuckin' morty's
still working
470
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,534
on that stupid heist script.
471
00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:03,720
He's up in his room with
his fuckin' thumb up his ass.
472
00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:04,971
Skipped out
on the last three adventures.
473
00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:06,205
I don't know.
474
00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:07,391
Five of my friends
got Netflix deals.
475
00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:08,791
What?
476
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:10,060
It's a very achievable goal.
You could lose him.
477
00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:11,186
I'm not gonna fuckin' lose him.
478
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,420
Fuck that.
479
00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,255
I-I'm gonna nip this shit
in the bud.
480
00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:15,899
No. As a matter of fact, you're
not nipping anything in the bud.
481
00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:18,217
If morty ever gives up
on a single dream,
482
00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:21,011
it had better be because
of his own disillusionment.
483
00:20:23,681 --> 00:20:24,890
Hey, buddy. How'd it go?
484
00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:27,226
I-I don't want to talk about it.
485
00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:29,562
Rick: Morty, you know, pal,
you, uh...
486
00:20:29,687 --> 00:20:31,814
You miss 100%
of the shots you don't take.
487
00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:33,357
Yeah, I guess.
488
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:35,043
Thanks for staying positive
about my prospects, Rick.
489
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:36,444
Of course! You know, you...
490
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,362
I got to help my grandson
follow his dreams.
491
00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:39,780
Eh, who needs dreams?
492
00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:41,425
I'll just hang out with you
and go on adventures
493
00:20:41,449 --> 00:20:43,218
and do whatever you want to do,
you know, forever.
494
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,493
Oh, well, uh, okay.
495
00:20:44,618 --> 00:20:48,080
I mean, if that's what you want.
496
00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:25,075
Professor poopybutthole:
Oooo weee! Big storm coming.
497
00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:28,204
- Could be a twister.
- Mm-hmm!
498
00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:32,374
Hey, Rick?
499
00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:33,643
Can you walk me
through something?
500
00:21:33,667 --> 00:21:34,960
Yeah. What are you thinking?
501
00:21:35,085 --> 00:21:37,797
So, you and morty
knew you needed my help,
502
00:21:37,922 --> 00:21:40,841
but you weren't sure
I was good enough at karate,
503
00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:44,220
so you hired my grad students
to attack me?
504
00:21:44,345 --> 00:21:45,805
Yep.
505
00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:48,140
But it was an emergency, Rick.
506
00:21:48,265 --> 00:21:49,934
How long did that take?
507
00:21:50,059 --> 00:21:53,896
It actually took less training
than you'd think.
508
00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:55,231
Your students all shared
509
00:21:55,356 --> 00:21:57,316
a pretty keen aptitude
for martial arts.
510
00:21:57,441 --> 00:21:58,901
I don't know
if that's by coincidence
511
00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:01,403
or if there's some correlation
with their passion
512
00:22:01,529 --> 00:22:03,823
for African-American
women's studies.
513
00:22:03,948 --> 00:22:08,369
Maya angelou did personify both
acquiescence and perseverance.
514
00:22:08,494 --> 00:22:11,789
Ooo wee. That's exactly
the kind of connection
515
00:22:11,914 --> 00:22:15,668
I'd have loved
to explore in my class.
516
00:22:15,793 --> 00:22:17,127
Too bad I lost my job
517
00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:20,256
for putting my students
in the hospital.
518
00:22:20,381 --> 00:22:22,299
Yeah. Yeah.
519
00:22:22,424 --> 00:22:24,885
Sorry about that.
520
00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:29,515
Mm-hmm.
36019
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