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1
00:00:01,919 --> 00:00:03,879
Morty's on Jessica's
Instagram again.
2
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,088
Get out of here, jerk!
3
00:00:05,214 --> 00:00:06,507
What's so embarrassing, morty?
4
00:00:06,632 --> 00:00:08,109
Sharing it with your family
might help.
5
00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:09,676
Summer, stop shaming
your brother.
6
00:00:09,801 --> 00:00:11,970
Morty, stop being a creepy,
perverted oyberstalker.
7
00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:13,639
I'm not oyberstalking!
8
00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:16,558
I-I-I just wanted to know where
she got this necklace from.
9
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:17,935
And now I know.
10
00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:19,728
Her... her... her grandma
left it to her.
11
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,146
You're quiet, Rick.
12
00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:23,440
Shouldn't you be revealing
grandmas aren't real?
13
00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:26,401
Hi. I've placed an auto-response
chip in my brain
14
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:28,612
so I can spend time
with my family.
15
00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:31,114
But you are spending time
with your family.
16
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:32,440
Thank you for talking to Rick.
17
00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:35,136
Alright, I'm finished
with my breakfast
18
00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:36,760
and my Amazon wish list.
Let's go, morty.
19
00:00:36,787 --> 00:00:38,872
I need death crystals
from forbodulon prime.
20
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:43,710
Dad?
There's a way we do this now.
21
00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:46,922
Morty, would you please
accompany me
22
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,800
to forbodulon prime
for death crystals?
23
00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:54,805
Well, thank you for asking.
Yes, I will do that.
24
00:00:54,930 --> 00:00:56,473
It is a hot photo.
25
00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:58,976
I think grief
flushes your cheeks.
26
00:00:59,101 --> 00:01:00,852
Dad, you hardly put
any syrup on.
27
00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:02,664
Honey, stop raising
your father's cholesterol
28
00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:04,231
so you can take
a hot funeral selfie.
29
00:01:04,356 --> 00:01:05,899
I never get to do anything.
30
00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:40,994
Uh, Rick,
maybe if we go a little...
31
00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:42,394
Faster? Good idea, morty.
32
00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:44,730
It'll get us through these
asteroids sooner.
33
00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:54,197
Geez, you're really this pissed
about my mom making sure
34
00:01:54,323 --> 00:01:55,824
I'm okay with our adventures?
35
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:57,468
What's next, morty?
What if I want you to jump off
36
00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:58,532
the empire state building?
37
00:01:58,577 --> 00:01:59,745
- I have to ask?
- Yes?
38
00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:02,289
And you seriously don't see how
that's a slippery slope?
39
00:02:02,414 --> 00:02:04,541
Just shut up and help me
with these, please.
40
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:06,084
Why are they called
death crystals?
41
00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:07,377
D-Do they kill you?
42
00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:08,920
You're thinking of bullets,
morty.
43
00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:11,840
Death crystals show you
how you're gonna die.
44
00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:17,804
Jesus Christ!
I-I die a million times?
45
00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:19,890
Your future stems from
your present,
46
00:02:20,015 --> 00:02:22,017
which, if you're living right,
keeps changing.
47
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:24,495
Truth is, anyone that knows how
they're definitely gonna die
48
00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:26,396
is either boring as hell
or about to get shot.
49
00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:28,607
Duck!
50
00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:29,858
Who are those guys?!
51
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,193
Rick: Crystal poachers.
52
00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:32,736
There's no lower form of life.
53
00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:35,364
They think the galaxy's
their own personal piggy bank.
54
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:36,948
Wait, then what are we?
55
00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:38,617
We're Rick and morty.
56
00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:41,244
You're about to witness the only
real use for these crystals.
57
00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:43,288
They show you when
the other guy's reloading.
58
00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:47,167
Certain death, certain death,
certain death, uncertain death.
59
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,506
And certain death,
certain death, certain death.
60
00:02:52,631 --> 00:02:54,216
Definitely gonna get shot
by this guy;
61
00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:56,593
this is totally my fate;
Nothing I could possibly do;
62
00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:58,887
okay, now, not so much.
63
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,723
Help me gather these up.
64
00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,331
Morty: You just use these
to win fights?
65
00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:09,731
Rick: I don't use them.
66
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:12,251
People that spend their life
avoiding death are already dead.
67
00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:15,278
They're also rich, and I like to
spend my life with their money.
68
00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:16,839
- Morty: Oh, my god.
- Jessica: Morty!
69
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:19,241
Jessica! Oh!
70
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:20,701
I love you.
71
00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,369
Oh! Whoa! Whoa!
72
00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:24,663
- Jessica: Morty.
- Morty: Oh! Oh! Oh!
73
00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:25,997
I love you.
74
00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:30,794
Jessica.
I want to die with Jessica.
75
00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:38,301
-Ath -what are you doing?
76
00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:40,929
- Oh, um, c-can I drive?
- Why?
77
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,432
The... feel of the open road?
78
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,350
Alright! Who's this grandson?
79
00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:47,811
I like his style.
80
00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:49,855
Morty, you know outer space
is up, right?
81
00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:53,358
Yeah, yeah. I'm just, uh,
following... my... instincts.
82
00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:55,163
- Rick: Will you just go up?
- Morty: Stop!
83
00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:56,504
You're gonna make me die wrong!
84
00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:57,528
Wait a minute, what?
85
00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,173
Morty, do you have
a death crystal in your pocket?
86
00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:00,532
- No! Maybe!
- You little monster!
87
00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:01,884
I thought you were masturbating!
88
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,052
And you took that in stride?!
89
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:03,952
You'd rather I address it?!
90
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,328
Why would I be doing it?!
91
00:04:05,454 --> 00:04:06,329
Why would you steal
a death crystal?!
92
00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:07,330
I want to die old!
93
00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:08,456
Then stop driving!
94
00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:09,580
- No!
- You son of a bitch!
95
00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:10,834
Give me the wheel, morty.
96
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:12,544
Goddamn it.
97
00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:23,930
Ohhh, shit.
98
00:04:24,055 --> 00:04:26,349
Oh, shit, oh, shit,
oh, shit, oh, shit.
99
00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:28,852
Jessica: [Love you, morty.
100
00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:31,480
I will avenge my death.
101
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,148
- Holy shit!
- Just kidding.
102
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,358
I'm a crisis detection
and correction hologram
103
00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:38,695
generated by a chip that
"real" Rick put in your spine.
104
00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:41,656
"Real" in quotes because calling
density-privileged entities
105
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,325
"real"
is incredibly holo-phobic.
106
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,827
Morty, do me a solid...
Problematic wordplay aside...
107
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,764
Grab the gun with the blue
handle from the trunk
108
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:51,500
and get a tissue sample
from the corpse.
109
00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:54,252
Alright, now
take that to the trunk
110
00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:58,006
and insert it
into the clone compiler.
111
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,175
I see you appear to be holding
a death crystal
112
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,260
that's guiding your decisions
more than I am.
113
00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:03,970
That's your right.
114
00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:06,556
I just want to remind you that
some people can't hold anything
115
00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:09,434
and can never die, so that's
a little offensive to...
116
00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:12,979
Oh, okay.
117
00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:15,482
Listen, I'm programmed
for tolerance, morty.
118
00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:17,447
So I'm willing to accept
that you're doing this
119
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,653
if you're willing to accept
that you need to stop.
120
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,076
Com puter voice: Accepting.
Rerouted.
121
00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:30,455
Backup. Data.
Operation. Phoenix. Initiated.
122
00:05:32,249 --> 00:05:36,211
What the hell?
I axed this protocol.
123
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,838
What are you doing
with my clone?
124
00:05:37,963 --> 00:05:39,381
It's okay. I'm you.
125
00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:41,716
I took my own clone vat offline
a couple seasons ago,
126
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:44,511
so I think my backup got
rerouted to your universe.
127
00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:46,680
- I'm sorry.
- All good. Happy to help.
128
00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:48,932
By the way, annoying
that I even have to ask,
129
00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:52,978
but you are down with
fascist dystopias, right?
130
00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:58,608
Yyyyyes.
131
00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:00,294
That "yes" was pretty...
132
00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:02,237
Liberal with the letter 'y."
133
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,531
Well, isn't this strange.
134
00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:06,896
I trust, the kind of strange
that makes Rick and morty...
135
00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:08,326
Stronger.
136
00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:10,412
Morty, I caught this socialist
in my bathrobe.
137
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:11,889
He wants to give
all of our martinis
138
00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:13,039
to a family of immigrants.
139
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:14,524
Obviously,
the most likely imposter
140
00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:16,751
- is the wet, naked clone.
- It is obvious.
141
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,503
But it won't be to the police.
142
00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:22,966
He was an inferior Rick.
He was too political.
143
00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:25,152
I want to have fun, classic
Rick-and-morty adventures
144
00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:26,386
like in the old days.
145
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,471
Then we'll get along fine,
fascist morty.
146
00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:30,757
For starters, I just need to get
to forbodulon prime...
147
00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:32,809
You will go
where I want you to go!!
148
00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:34,060
Fuck.
149
00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,230
Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
150
00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:39,316
Not cloning your grandpa
has got to go!
151
00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:41,109
Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
152
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,944
Not cloning your grandpa
has got to go!
153
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:45,309
You don't get out of my face,
I'm gonna flush Rick's DNA.
154
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:48,199
Alright.
Okay, regroup, everybody.
155
00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:49,826
You, too, Berkeley!
156
00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:51,119
Snap out of it.
157
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:52,746
At least tell me
what this death is
158
00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:54,623
that you're so determined to...
159
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:58,877
Oh. Jessica.
160
00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:01,379
Morty, I love...
161
00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:05,467
What?! No, no! No, no, no!
162
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,344
I love you.
163
00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:09,095
Damn it!
164
00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:11,032
How am I gonna die with her
if I can't even talk to her?
165
00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:12,700
Here's an idea, morty.
Throw that thing in the garbage,
166
00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:14,785
stop planning your own death,
and talk to whoever you want.
167
00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:16,120
Now you just sound
like real Rick.
168
00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:17,580
You're better than
that language, morty.
169
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:19,481
I ain't better than shit, Jack.
170
00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:24,110
So, uh, w-what are we doing?
171
00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:26,821
Stop asking questions.
Stop doing meta-commentary.
172
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,239
Just have fun.
173
00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:30,325
We're going on a simple,
fun, classic adventure.
174
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,202
Okay, you know what?
It would really help
175
00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:35,497
if you could just say anything
other than what you don't want.
176
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:36,998
I like Mr. Meeseeks.
177
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:38,833
Okay, now we're talking.
You know what?
178
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:41,079
I usually keep a meeseeks box
in my glove compartment,
179
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:43,380
so maybe fascist Rick does, too.
180
00:07:43,505 --> 00:07:44,881
Ah! Well, look at that.
181
00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:47,467
Now we're doing something
we've done before.
182
00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:49,052
I'm Mr. Meeseeks!
183
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:50,303
Kill this Nazi prick!
184
00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:51,972
Can do!
185
00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:53,848
- Come here, you son of a bitch!
- No! Stop!
186
00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:04,025
Computer voice:
Accepting. Rerouted.
187
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:08,697
Backup. Data.
Operation. Phoenix. Initiated.
188
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:13,076
Aw, come on, man.
189
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:14,411
Whoa, are you okay?
190
00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:15,662
Yeah, sorry.
191
00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:17,163
I'm a Rick from another reality.
192
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:19,082
I-I got uploaded
to your clone vat.
193
00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:21,167
Hey, don't worry about it, man.
I have a dozen.
194
00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:22,627
W-W-What the heck, Rick?
195
00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:24,129
Are you making clones down here?
196
00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:25,380
Get outta here, morty!
197
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:26,905
Stop asking
stupid questions, morty!
198
00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:27,984
You sound like a piece of shit.
199
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,426
Aw, geez.
200
00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:31,177
So, tell the truth, man.
No shame.
201
00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,471
You're looking at
your shrimp body like "what?!"
202
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,306
Ah, is it that obvious?
I'm sorry.
203
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:38,309
Yeah, my original body is more
bipedal... uh, ape-descended.
204
00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:39,644
Really! Weird.
205
00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:41,122
Does your house look
like a tree, or...
206
00:08:41,146 --> 00:08:42,355
No, it looks like this.
207
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,607
It's, like, identical
to this, actually.
208
00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:45,984
That is such a mind-fuck.
209
00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:47,549
It's all good, man.
I'm fine with it.
210
00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:49,195
Honestly, you're doing me
a huge favor
211
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,823
by being shrimp
instead of fascists.
212
00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:54,158
What?
213
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:55,402
Goddamn it!
214
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:57,412
When did this shit become
the default?!
215
00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:02,208
Who wants to come up
to the board
216
00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:03,835
and show me
some basic-ass integers?
217
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,378
- I love you, morty.
- Aah!
218
00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:10,759
M o rty? Yeah, nght
219
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,472
That's not an integer!
220
00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:17,140
Apparently, it doesn't matter.
221
00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:18,641
Damn, morty, you're bad at math,
222
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,643
but I'm giving you
an a-plus in confidence.
223
00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:21,895
Just doin' what I gotta do.
224
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:24,022
Extra credit!
225
00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:28,693
I love you, morty.
I love you, morty.
226
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:30,028
What's with the strut?
227
00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:31,672
- You think you own this school?
- Nope!
228
00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:34,032
What if I killed you?
Would you be strutting then?
229
00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:36,743
Only if the events of the pixar
movie "coco" are to be believed,
230
00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:37,869
which I doubt.
231
00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:39,329
I have it on good authority
232
00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:40,974
that you're probably
not gonna kill me.
233
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,624
So why don't you do what I do
234
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:47,629
and just go with the flow,
nice and zen, baby.
235
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:50,882
Aah! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!
236
00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,759
Ugh! Impotence!
237
00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:58,056
Aah! Impotent rage!
238
00:09:58,181 --> 00:09:59,933
Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!
239
00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:03,269
You die tomorrow,
no matter what.
240
00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:07,357
It's what bullies call
a "fait accompli."
241
00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:09,984
- Oh, man! Oh, shit!
- Well, well, well. Mm.
242
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,737
Looks like you got yourself in
a lick of trouble, huh, morty?
243
00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:14,572
Okay, okay, look,
if you help me not die,
244
00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:16,282
I'll bring Rick backtolfie.
245
00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:18,243
Why are you pretending
to eat chicken?
246
00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:19,536
Excuse me?
247
00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:20,888
This chicken is
quite real to me.
248
00:10:20,912 --> 00:10:22,223
Yeah, okay,
but it doesn't have...
249
00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:23,373
- Nutrients?
- Yeah.
250
00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:24,558
What's the last thing you ate?
251
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:25,458
Baloney and an orange.
252
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:26,918
So, no holographic foods?
253
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:28,753
So, to me, you never ate?
254
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,358
Or we could try
respecting each other.
255
00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:32,465
Will you just show me
how to stay alive?
256
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:34,026
Hologram Rick:
Alright, morty, a deal's a deal.
257
00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:35,677
Once we bring your Rick
backtolfie,
258
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,470
then I'll help you
with the bully.
259
00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:39,848
Go ahead and open the hatch
to the subterranean lab.
260
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,613
That's where all
the cloning equipment is.
261
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:45,728
Please tell me you're not
hitting that crystal again.
262
00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:49,149
Look, Rick might be the epitome
of bloated flesh privilege,
263
00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:50,942
but he's right about one thing.
264
00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:53,295
You're gonna be a lot happier
if you focus on the moment,
265
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:54,863
rather than on
how you're gonna die.
266
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,423
I mean, w-who's worried
about that, huh?
267
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:57,782
Sorry, hologram Rick.
268
00:10:57,907 --> 00:11:00,285
I'm going with the crystal
on this one.
269
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:02,162
Morty.
270
00:11:02,287 --> 00:11:03,955
Oh, alright, okay.
271
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,040
Just because I can't interact
with solid matter
272
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,376
means you can just
walk all over me?
273
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:11,754
Dear god.
274
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:18,428
Bist du faschistisch?
275
00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:19,553
Nope.
276
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:25,727
Finally.
277
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,937
I thought maybe you were
pussying out.
278
00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:29,062
Hyah!
279
00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:30,147
What the fuck?
280
00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:31,691
Oh, the air's getting thin!
281
00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:34,485
Well, well, well, looks like
there's a new bully in town!
282
00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:37,614
Lucky for us, he just made
bully-bullying the new bullying!
283
00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:40,533
Bully him!
284
00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:42,619
Aah!
285
00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:45,347
Cop: We've got an Akira-type
situation going on
286
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,832
behind the mall. Over.
287
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:49,792
Dying with Jessica...
288
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:54,339
What the hell?
289
00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:56,799
Aah! Aah!
290
00:11:59,928 --> 00:12:02,305
I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!
291
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,098
Shield me from the law!
292
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,517
- Yes, sir! Can do!
- Stand down!
293
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:08,603
Look at me!
294
00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:25,912
I... will... die... old!
295
00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:28,289
Up next, an unstoppable
science-fiction boy
296
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,667
is attacking our nation's
final line of defense.
297
00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:32,460
Will we all fall
to his deadly touch?
298
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,212
But first, something silly?
299
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:35,672
What do you mean, "but first"?
300
00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:37,966
I already said "up next."
You always do this.
301
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,176
I don't always do shit.
Don't gaslight me.
302
00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:41,552
Gaslighting doesn't exist.
303
00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:43,471
You made it up
'cause you're fucking crazy.
304
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:03,366
Why are you letting me do this?
305
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:06,411
I do as the crystal guides.
306
00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:10,164
Your honor, my client was acting
in self-defense.
307
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,583
He turned 13 men
into piles of ash.
308
00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:14,877
Sit down! Before I sentence you,
309
00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:18,006
is there anything
you have to say for yourself?
310
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:24,887
I... w-w-will a-al-sways...
311
00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:32,645
Always r-r-remember o-our...
312
00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:38,318
Our... our... v-v-t-time...
Time...
313
00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:43,239
I-In... f-g-g-g-p-p-Peru.
314
00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:45,992
I will always remember our time
in Peru, your honor.
315
00:13:46,117 --> 00:13:47,577
Your honor,
316
00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:50,204
as you can see, my client
is speaking nonsense.
317
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,497
Stop.
318
00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:54,208
Those were my husband's
last words.
319
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:58,338
He says that he... i-loves you...
320
00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:03,009
Ttt-iiii-lit-lit-little...
Little
321
00:14:03,134 --> 00:14:09,307
ff-gg-sp-spa-ffggarrow...
322
00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:10,558
Sparrow!
323
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,226
He loves you, little sparrow.
324
00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:15,980
He's innocent. Case dismissed.
325
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:18,733
I'm coming for you, condor!
326
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,986
Well, I, for one, will not be
accepting this verdict.
327
00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:25,031
And this little monster may
think he's gotten away,
328
00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:27,343
but there is something called
the court of public opinion
329
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,285
that still has final say
in this country.
330
00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:30,804
Oh, I guess he's coming out
of the courthouse now.
331
00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:32,205
Let's go live to that.
332
00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:48,304
People, I gotta tell you
something.
333
00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:49,764
That little boy...
334
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,891
I thought I knew everything
about everything.
335
00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:55,103
But something about the tones
and frequencies
336
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,068
that just came out of his mouth
have made me...
337
00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:59,607
I mean, I think we're just about
ready to forgive him
338
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:02,151
and move past this whole thing.
He's a free young man.
339
00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:06,030
And as far as continuity goes,
the reset button's been hit.
340
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:08,950
Morty! That was a fast trial.
341
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:11,494
Jess-i-ca?
342
00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:13,555
A bunch of us girls were gonna
go skinny-dipping later,
343
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:14,997
if you wanted to join.
344
00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:17,375
Actually, now, really.
We're gonna do it right now.
345
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,311
This is the last conversation
I'm having about it
346
00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:20,461
fully clothed.
347
00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:21,796
No, thanks.
348
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,882
I'm... assuming...
We... maybe...
349
00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:27,927
Get together... in our 40s?
350
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:29,720
Uh, cool
351
00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:32,056
sounds... hot.
352
00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:36,060
Must... continue... moving...
353
00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:40,481
In ways... that lead...
To dying... with you.
354
00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:46,237
Whoa! Way to use up a clone!
355
00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:48,114
What the fuck, man?
356
00:15:48,239 --> 00:15:50,079
What's the matter with you?
Y-Y-You don't talk?
357
00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:51,534
Tarantula got your tongue?
358
00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:55,830
Uh... heil, wasp Hitler?
359
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,081
What? What the fuck?
360
00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,583
Where's that shit coming from?
361
00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:01,085
Look, I'm a primate.
I-I'm having a hard time.
362
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:02,920
I'll think or say
whatever gets me home.
363
00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:05,006
Well, here's how it works
with wasps.
364
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,966
We eat our prey alive,
and when we don't,
365
00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:08,468
we lay our eggs
in their eyeballs
366
00:16:08,593 --> 00:16:10,273
so that our young can feast
on their brains
367
00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:11,721
when they hatch.
368
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:13,286
When you're born
that big an asshole,
369
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:15,558
the least you can do is
have a little empathy.
370
00:16:15,683 --> 00:16:18,478
Now, come have dinner
with my beautiful family.
371
00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:20,062
And drop the Hitler stuff.
372
00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:22,690
Wasp morty's been on
some crazy message boards.
373
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,484
Aah! Aah!
374
00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:26,527
Oh! Aah! Ow!
375
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,046
Me and my friends
want to fly around
376
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:29,548
and look for something
to sting tonight.
377
00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:31,407
You be careful not to waste
all your venom.
378
00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:33,701
I'm not a bee, dad.
379
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:36,787
Oh, god! Kill me!
Please kill me!
380
00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:39,624
Uh, Beth, uh, after dinner,
could I maybe borrow morty
381
00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:42,793
to help the lost Rick get back
to his primate-based reality?
382
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:44,712
Morty, are you done
with your homework?
383
00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:47,173
- Not all of it.
- Sorry, dad.
384
00:16:47,298 --> 00:16:49,675
Oh, don't be sorry, sweetie.
We're all in this together.
385
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,636
We're wasps, not monsters.
386
00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:53,012
Aah!
387
00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:55,515
Huh, guess I don't have it
as bad as I thought.
388
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:58,017
Can you pass the acid?
389
00:16:58,142 --> 00:17:00,770
Aah! No! Run! Run, my babies!
390
00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:02,063
Bonus!
391
00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:07,485
- M o rty?
- M o rty?
392
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,153
Where is that little shit?
Morty!
393
00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:10,530
Whoa, garage foul.
394
00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:12,090
Who said you could
go through my stuff?
395
00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:13,449
W-Where's my boglin?
396
00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:15,785
There you are.
Don't worry, pop-pop's back.
397
00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:17,453
I'll keep you safe. What the...
398
00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:20,164
He took my meeseeks boxes!
All that's left are these
399
00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:22,833
shitty kirkland brand
meeseeks boxes.
400
00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:25,044
What do you want?
401
00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:27,421
Damn, your morty sucks.
402
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:28,548
Aah, wasps!
403
00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:29,983
Why the hell
didn't you show morty
404
00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:31,342
how to bring my body backtolfie?
405
00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:32,778
Don't tell me
you gained sentience
406
00:17:32,802 --> 00:17:34,220
- and tried to take over.
- What?
407
00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:35,972
That is some a.I.,
racist, accusatory,
408
00:17:36,097 --> 00:17:37,723
Isaac Asimov bullshit
right there.
409
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:39,517
Then what happened?
Where's my body?
410
00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:41,727
Oh, you're gonna love this.
411
00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:10,798
- I love you, morty.
- Morty: This is my life.
412
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:13,175
This is good.
413
00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:17,263
What do ya know?
414
00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:18,699
Our little morty knows
how to scream.
415
00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:20,391
Oh, you're fucked now!
I told you!
416
00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:24,061
Get him, Rick!
417
00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:31,861
Aaaah!
418
00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:33,904
Aah! I-I can't see my own death.
419
00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:35,364
H-How am I gonna die?!
420
00:18:35,489 --> 00:18:37,116
Shh, quiet, idiot. Quiet.
421
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:38,576
It's gonna be alright.
422
00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:40,137
You don't get to know
how you're gonna die.
423
00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:42,121
It's over. Oh, hey.
424
00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:44,915
This fucking ferrofluid's
wrapping around my legs.
425
00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:48,461
Fuck! I can feel! I have mass!
426
00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:51,088
I'm a fucking god now!
You're fucked!
427
00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:52,590
What the fuck?
428
00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:54,550
I-I thought you were proud
to be a hologram!
429
00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:56,886
That's 'cause I had to
fucking be one!
430
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:03,726
Shit! Aaah!
431
00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:07,063
Ugh! Aaah!
432
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,278
There's a lesson here,
433
00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:17,114
and I'm not the one
that's gonna figure it out.
434
00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:19,533
Hey, uh, sorry
I didn't listen to you
435
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:21,379
and tried to kill
the whole world and stuff.
436
00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:22,703
I guess I got to learn
437
00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:24,264
how to live in the moment
a little more.
438
00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:26,248
Oh, boy, so, you actually
learned something today?
439
00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:27,583
What is this, "full house"?
440
00:19:27,708 --> 00:19:29,085
I was living in the moment
all day,
441
00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:30,836
and it kept getting me
killed by Nazis.
442
00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:33,121
I think you have to think ahead
and live in the moment.
443
00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:35,466
Morty, we saw you on the news.
Are you okay?
444
00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:38,511
Oh, real nice, Rick.
Turning our son into an Akira?
445
00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:40,513
- Real nice.
- Eat my ass, Jerry.
446
00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:42,181
He turned himself into Akira.
447
00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:44,934
Oh, I'll eat it,
because this is my house, Rick.
448
00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:46,602
- I'll eat any ass I want.
- Gross.
449
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:48,455
You said the crystals wouldn't
hurt anyone, dad.
450
00:19:48,479 --> 00:19:50,022
This family has a clean start.
451
00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:52,274
I don't know if adventures
fit into my son's life.
452
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,402
I'm fine. Get off Rick's back.
453
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,862
Rick wasn't even here
when I was doing all that stuff.
454
00:19:56,987 --> 00:19:58,114
That was all on me.
455
00:19:58,239 --> 00:20:00,032
Well, alright, morty.
456
00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:03,285
I guess, as long as you're okay,
that's all we care about.
457
00:20:03,411 --> 00:20:05,663
I don't want to see
any more anime stuff
458
00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:07,331
happening to my son, buster.
459
00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:09,208
That finger has aids now.
Not my fault.
460
00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:10,793
You skipped HIV?
461
00:20:10,918 --> 00:20:13,038
- He's messing with you, sweetie.
- But it's tingling!
462
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:15,464
So, I guess what we learned
is to split the diff.
463
00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:16,733
From now on,
Rick and morty doing
464
00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:18,110
a little of this
and a little of that.
465
00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:19,719
Yeah, sometimes
we'll do classic stuff.
466
00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:21,071
You know, other times,
we'll do whatever!
467
00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:22,406
Sometimes we won't even
do anything!
468
00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:23,865
Rick and morty do...
Not doing anything!
469
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:25,325
- A hundred years!
- Pushing it to the limit.
470
00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:26,785
Rick and morty,
not sticking to one path.
471
00:20:26,809 --> 00:20:27,977
Trying different things,
472
00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:29,770
making sure to keep out
of a rut.
473
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:31,415
Doing stuff.
Sometimes not doing stuff.
474
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,333
Not even pushing a little bit
towards the limit.
475
00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:34,835
Doing it alone or together.
Making sure to keep our eyes
476
00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:36,402
on the prize.
Sometimes just relaxing.
477
00:20:36,527 --> 00:20:38,588
Or not. And you can do whatever
the fuck you want, morty.
478
00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:40,489
- That's the end.
- Wait, wait, what the fuck?
479
00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:42,366
H-Hold on. What the fuck
did you just say?
480
00:20:42,491 --> 00:20:43,993
Nothing. I didn't say anything.
481
00:20:44,118 --> 00:20:45,638
I was just playing along
with you guys.
482
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,496
You know I record everything,
right?
483
00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:50,291
Garage, isolate summer's voice
and play back.
484
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:51,768
Summer: Oh, and then you guys
can get married,
485
00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:52,811
and, like, suck each other off
486
00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:53,961
in a testosterone-addled
487
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:55,366
fucking third-grade-boy cumfest.
488
00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:56,773
What, the hell, summer?!
That's disgusting.
489
00:20:56,797 --> 00:20:58,549
Fucking gross, summer!
Jesus Christ!
490
00:20:58,674 --> 00:21:00,634
I was just joking around, you...
491
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,137
Just seeing if you guys
pay any attention to me.
492
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:04,489
Just want to be
a part of the fun.
493
00:21:04,513 --> 00:21:05,514
Get the fuck out of here!
494
00:21:05,639 --> 00:21:06,807
Get out of here, summer!
495
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:08,118
- Rick: Fucking disgusting!
- Morty: Get out of here!
496
00:21:08,142 --> 00:21:09,619
Rick: You ruined
the season 4 premiere!
497
00:21:09,643 --> 00:21:12,146
The season 4 premiere,
you ruined it!
498
00:21:43,511 --> 00:21:45,262
God, tomorrow's career day.
499
00:21:45,387 --> 00:21:47,866
I don't want to think about what
I do when I get out of school.
500
00:21:47,890 --> 00:21:49,892
I know exactly
what I want to do.
501
00:21:50,017 --> 00:21:51,644
I want to work in hospice.
502
00:21:51,769 --> 00:21:54,063
I want to comfort
the people who are dying,
503
00:21:54,188 --> 00:21:56,148
who have no one else
in their lives...
504
00:21:56,273 --> 00:21:58,067
The real lonely people.
505
00:21:58,192 --> 00:22:00,319
I'm gonna look at their name
tags, and I'm gonna say,
506
00:22:00,444 --> 00:22:02,279
"I love you,"
507
00:22:02,404 --> 00:22:04,244
followed by whatever it says
on their name tag,
508
00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:06,200
over and over.
509
00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:07,868
What the fuck?
510
00:22:09,286 --> 00:22:10,454
Hey, morty, quick favor.
511
00:22:10,579 --> 00:22:12,057
What, cover me
in gasoline and spiders?
512
00:22:12,081 --> 00:22:13,207
Fine, yeah, I'm in.
513
00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:14,834
Wasn't my first pitch,
514
00:22:14,959 --> 00:22:17,878
but, hey, not gonna waste
this opportunity.
35970
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