All language subtitles for Career.Opportunities

That wasn't a store robbery.

That was an assassination.

That wasn't a clerk.
That was a wise guy.

How do I know?

I spent a little time with the
FBI's organized crime unit.

I guess you could say that
I'm intimately knowledgeable

with the seedy and rancorous
workings of the mob

in the Midwest section
of this country.

I know a gangland slaying
when I see one,

and that's exactly
what this baby is.

I'd look into it
myself personally,

but I got a date tonight.

Think I'll take the private
jet out and fly to Spain,

pick up the little lady,

do the subsonic tummy bump
at 30,000 feet

then glide back into
the U.S. of A. by dawn.

I know what you're gonna say,
"Jim... Jim Dodge, settle down."

"Relax. You owe it to yourself."

I'll tell you
what I tell everybody.

Any little fraulein that
expects anything more from me

than a little bit of pleasure
and a little bit of danger

and a great set of pectorals,

She's looking for
a fall right on her ass.

Hubie, Hubie, Hubie, Hubie!

Come here! Let me
tell you something.

If you know what's good for you,
don't you ever come back!

Wait a minute, You're not gonna
find someone who has the relationship

with those animals that I do.

Listen to the dogs, Hubie.
They love me!

It all started when I was 15.

That's when I invented
the artificial cow heart.

Oh, that was a big thing.

A little before your time,
but, uh, it made the newspaper.

ABC, NBC, CBS,
they picked up on it,

But it's more or less
a hobby for me, boys.

Scoot over!

Actually,

today I decided that I've
gone just about as far I can go

in the animal
health-care business.

But to answer your question, the
reason that I'm not at work this afternoon

is because I was made
an offer I cannot refuse.

I sold.

Whatcha gonna do
with the cash, Jim?

I don't know, maybe
I'll invest it overseas.

I've got some projects
in Eastern Europe right now.

I don't know. I've got
everything a man needs.

Jim, you just bought
the animal hospital.

How come you sold it so fast?

Tax problem.

And here's my
accountant right now.

Earl, take a bow. Ha-ha-ha!

Twenty minutes
for lunch, Earl, OK?

Go buy another suit.

He works for me.

He's scouting some real estate for me,
right now.

Yeah, but the market's
real tight.

I like the new
uniform, Lorraine.

You know, with the right
shoes and handbag,

that might be suitable
for a cocktail party.

So... Question.

When in the world are you
going to start serving sashimi?

Maybe when I find out
what it is.

You've never heard of sashimi?

You've got to be kidding.

It's this special
Japanese fish you eat raw.

A little butter sauce,

And you're ready
to go to heaven.

I'd hire you in a minute

if I hadn't already
fired you so many times.

Did you ever think
of leaving town?

Thousands of people
over in St. Louis

got no idea how
full of shit you are.

You've been alive for
21 years, my friend.

Plenty of time for most people

to find a place for themselves.

Well, I'm not like
everybody else.

Yeah, that's for sure.

How about if I...

I work for you for free?

No.

I'm afraid not, Jimmy.

Think about St. Louis.

- Hey, Josie.
- Hi.

- Fill her up?
- Fill her up.

How you doin'?

You got fired again, didn't you?

- Dad.
- Didn't ya?

Who told you that?

Hubie Marshall
called me at work.

He called you at work?

That's it. I'm gonna...
What'd he say?

He said he fired ya!

He said that?
And you believed him?

Damn straight I do!

With all due respect, Dad,
you're Mr. Gullible sometimes.

The truth of the matter is,
Dad, I resigned.

- I'll tell you something else.
- Shut up, Jimmy!

When I took the job,

I had no idea it was gonna
be a hire/fire situation.

Luther Betenhauser's boy
is doing better.

What's wrong with him?
Fell off his grandfather's silo.

- He's got brain damage.
- He does not.

He does too.

Hoover Fey says his tongue's
gonna hang out the side of his mouth

for the rest of his life.

And when he dies
and they bury him,

At the funeral they're
gonna put a mask on him.

Do I have to listen
to this while I'm eating?

Let's talk about something else.

Josie McClellan
moved to New York.

She did not. I saw her today.

Well, I don't know
how you could.

I heard at the bank that she got
tired of taking care of her father,

And she told him
to jump in a lake,

And then she left for
New York to get her MBA

in high-fashion design at
the university of New York city.

I just saw her down at the
gas station in living color.

We had a cup of Java together.

I'm gonna take Lou Selby's
word over yours any day.

Lou Selby's a drunk.

You know, for a guy who's
just lost his umpteenth job,

You sure are handy
with the tongue sword.

You got canned again?

Well, he didn't get canned.

He got fired.

That's gotta be
some kind of a record.

Not only are you
an obnoxious slug,

but you're a freeloading
obnoxious slug.

You should talk.

What are you in your mid-forties,
still living at home?

I'm 24, and I pay rent.

So do I.

You did pay rent.

Dad, you mean you're
cutting my rent?

Hell, no!

You're not paying rent 'cause
you don't have a job or any money.

You're out of school and you
live in this house, you pay rent!

Jim! Yo, Jim!

Jim, wake up!

Hey, get up!

Get up!

You know, getting this job,

restoring your faith and pride in
me is a number one priority now, Dad.

Priority ought to be making
something of yourself.

That's right up there.

When I was your age, I couldn't
wait to get out of my folks house.

I love living at home.

I don't think this is such a
great place for me to work, Dad.

OK,

say I don't get this job,
hypothetically.

Are you gonna be upset?

You don't get this job,
you're on a bus to St. Louis.

St. Louis?

Uncle Jeff's offered you
work in his garden shop.

I don't know anything
about gardening.

You will learn!

I'm getting a distinct feeling
that you want me out of your life.

I don't want you out of my life.
I want you out of my house.

Wow. Out!

OK, OK, OK.

Are you sure I can't offer
you a coffee and a bear claw?

No, thanks.

They're good, they're fresh.

No, I'm fine.

You don't want one,
and I don't need one.

Right! I love the darn things,
though.

I got a sweet tooth,

I could eat those things
by the dozen.

By the looks of it, I have.

Right.

I tell ya, I'm so excited
that you're considering

joining the Target team.
We all are.

I appreciate that.

Good, then let's cut
right to the chase, shall we?

We're prepared to
offer you $42,500 a year

with a full benefit package.

That's dental, medical,
Profit sharing, pension,

expense account, car allowance,

vacation, of course,

and any and all
relocating expenses.

This is our first,
best, and last offer.

What do you think?

Well... Um, C.D.,
with all due respect,

I came in here with the
number 45 in my mind, and...

Hmm.

You've got me.

Forty-five it is.

Welcome aboard. Thank you.

I'd like to buy you lunch.

No, no, no.

Your money's no good
here. Lunch is mine.

I'm not going to argue.

Better not. I'm bigger than you.

Hang on a second.
I told her to hold my calls.

Yeah, Peg. Uh-huh.

No, it's OK.

He's right here with me now.

Hi, Peg.

We just closed the deal. Uh-huh.

It was a slam-dunk, too.
I got him for forty-five.

No, he's right here.

What do you mean
he missed the plane?

Then who the hell
am I talking to?

Oh, Lord!

I'll, uh... I'll get back to you.

I know a great,
little Italian place

that has the best pasta
primatonis in the wor...

Excuse me, a minute,
will you, please?

Lovely wife you have there.

Dodge, James?

Mm-hmm.

James, I'm afraid we have
a little misunderstanding.

You see, I thought
you came in for the, uh...

Operations manager's job.

I have you down here
as night cleanup boy.

Well, I'm a little overpaid

for night cleanup boy,
wouldn't you say, C.D.?

The truth is, James,
I can offer you $4.44 per hour.

Uh, four, four... $4.44...

Four dollars
and forty-four cents.

What about the benefits?

Two fifteen-minute breaks
and a half hour for lunch.

And the title is, uh,
night cleanup boy?

Yes.

I'll take it.

Oh, and, uh, lose the curl.

- Welcome to the Target team.
- Thank you.

So the parrot says,
"Of course I can talk"

Can you fly?

I don't want any damn Japanese
automobile plant in this town.

It... It means jobs.

I don't need a job.

Your governor's tryin' to use
my town as a political chip.

I resent that.

There could be some specific
benefits for you personally.

Josie!

Yeah?

Come here.

Meet these gentlemen
from the governor's office.

Come on in here, honey.

Honey, I want you
to meet Bill, uh...

Uh, Bob. Bob Bosenbeck.

Bob.

Dave.

My pleasure, Dave.

Right. Dave Hockner.

I don't want to
interrupt your meeting.

Very nice to meet both of you.

Bye.

Josie?

Josie!

You pull another stunt
like you did today,

I'll beat the livin'
daylights outta you!

All right, out!

Out of here, man.
Get out of here!

Get out of the car!

Right on time!

Everything's going as planned.

You ordered a limousine?

Of course.

My first day at work.

How's it gonna look
if my dad drives me?

A little treat
for getting the job.

It was only fifty bucks.

Right on time, Henry.

Yes, sir.

Henry, the sign... Very wrong.

Ciao!

Hey, Jim, where you going?

Hello, boys.

Going to Paris on an F-14.

Got a peace meeting with
the Vice President of Bulgaria.

Business, you know?
Then I'm going to Venice,

For a spaghetti dinner
with the princess of Austria.

A beautiful lady.
Really big bones.

Remember to brush
your teeth, Melvin!

You, too, Sidney! Adios!

Jim is so cool!

Bobby.

Got a loose tile here.
In the morning

take care of this.

I don't need a lawsuit, OK?

I've got enough to worry about.

Who's he?

Attention shoppers.

The store will be closing
in five minutes.

Bring all your purchases
to the front. Thank you.

Are you a slacker?

Uh, no, Presbyterian.

What did you say?
What did you say?

I'm askin' you
a simple question.

Are you lazy?

No, sir.

The last guy that
wore that uniform

Was a lazy slacker,
and I fired his butt.

Uh...

About the uniform,
will I be getting my own?

You work out, which I doubt,

You can have a new name patch.

Eh, uh... would I be able
to have it laundered?

It smells like Darnell.

I don't think you know
who you're messin' with.

After you clean the
ladies' and men's crappers,

You'd better be able
to eat off those bowls.

Oh, sure.

You clean my coffeemaker,
then wax my desk.

Uh, clean what?

Clean my coffeemaker
and wax my desk!

Yes, I got it!

Sweep the aisles, startin'
with health and beauty.

Work your way over to
juniors and misses.

Ups and downs, leaving your
debris in the cross aisles.

So I start with
health and beauty...

I just said to start
with health and beauty!

Then you do your cross aisles.

That'll bring your
dustbin into play.

Take the debris.
Load it into the dustbin.

Take it out
to the loading dock...

And empty it into
the receptacle.

Got that?

Yeah. Easy as pie.

I was employed for a brief
period at Del Taco, and...

I don't care about your
Del Taco experience.

We've got this problem
in this store with grazers.

You know what a grazer is?

Is that a farm term?

A grazer is a customer or an
employee that eats off the shelves,

Similar to a cow
grazing in a field of grass.

Only this isn't a field of grass,
and you're not a cow.

There's no eatin'. You're
not being paid to eat, so don't!

Any questions?

Not right offhand.

Think you can handle it?

I'll give it
the old college try.

Don't touch me!

Well, despite our
age difference,

I think I'll enjoy
working with you.

Let's get something straight.
You ain't workin' with me.

You're working for me.

I think it'll be fun.

I ain't gonna be near you.

I'm gonna be home pumping
the pasties out of Colleen Jackson.

You're not going to be here?

Hell, no.

I'm gonna be here by myself?

That's right!

And you'd better stay out
of the ladies' undergoods.

Wait a minute. Nobody
told me I'd be here alone.

What are you doing?
Saving money.

Wait. Are you
turning off the lights?

In 25 seconds, you got light
in every third aisle.

When the sun comes up,
turn off all the lights. You understand.

No, I don't understand.
Hold on a second!

I'm locking you in.

When I come back at 7:00
to open up,

I'll let you out.

You're locking me in?

You take me for a fool?

Nobody gets a set of keys
on their first night. Nobody!

Get to work!

What if there's a fire?

The fire department will come.

I could perish!

Ha-ha-ha. Boo!

You can't do this. I'm locked in,
alone, in the dark.

That was not a part
of my employment agreement.

Agh!

9:17?

Time for a break.

Hello.

Anybody out there?

When I accepted...

the post of president,
grand pooh-bah of Target,

realizing that I have brought

meaningfulness and
peace and happiness

into the lives of
thousands of people.

Jim Dodge, of Monroe,

top moneymaker on the tour.

His father's here today,
Bud Dodge,

and sister Penny,
a sad, sad story,

was just admitted to
university hospital.

While trying to pop a zit,
her head mysteriously exploded.

Dad! Hi!

Jim, do you know
what time it is?

I'm starting to think about
Christmas and gifts,

because I'm in a big store
and I'm getting gift ideas.

Hi.

Mom, hi!

How's it going?

I finished all my janitor stuff,
most of it.

I've got to save some for later.

It's easy as hell.

Um, honey, it's a little late.

It is kind of late.

Well, sleep tight.

See you in the morning.

Love you, too.

Mr. James Dodge!

He can't be happy as
the night cleanup boy.

Sweetheart,

he wants us
to call him a janitor.

Maybe I should have
spent less time harping

and more time helping.

Harpin' and helpin' him what?

Harpin' on him to leave,
and helpin' him become the...

good, mature, productive
person he could be.

Are you all right?

Yes, I'm fine, thanks. And you?

What are you doing here?

I work here.

Have a good one, Officer Don.

OK, Carl. Keep in touch. Let
me know if you hear anything.

You bet.

Well, sir,
she didn't leave on the bus.

Apparently, she isn't here.
Let's look for her some place else.

She wouldn't be dumb
enough to thumb, would she?

Does she have any friends
she might have run off with?

Boyfriends?

Just get in the car
so we can look for the girl.

I'm tired, had to get out of bed

haven't had any coffee,
I don't feel good,

my daughter, I don't know
where the hell she is.

And you're sounding like
some goddamn preacher!

Come on. Get in the car!

Prick.

Are you sure you
didn't hurt yourself?

Oh, no. Are you kidding?

I'm fine. I'm fine.

Can I ask what you were doing?

I was roller-skating.

I know, but why?

Why not?

I got bored. One
thing led to another

and I'm roller-skating
in my shorts.

Better question would be,
"what are you doing here?"

Shopping.

Well, we've been closed
for five hours.

Yeah. I fell asleep.

While shopping?

No, in the
ladies' dressing room.

That makes no sense. You're
a high-profile young ingénue.

- I was debating...
- What?

Whether or not to get
arrested for shoplifting.

Doesn't your father own $10 million
worth of real estate in this town?

It's not my fault.

I didn't imply such.

It just seems funny
that someone of your...

Wealth?

If you will. Would shoplift.

I didn't do it. I chickened out.

Would consider shoplifting.

It's a long, dull, self-indulgent,
highly unromantic story

about an overbearing father,

deceased mother and brother,

and a completely confused girl
who looks a little like me.

I sure am glad you dropped by.

I was getting tired
of being with myself.

I guess... I'm what you
call a people person.

What are you cooking?

Hobo chicken.

It's a glazed chicken
in wine sauce...

with vegetables
and skin-on potatoes.

Silverware, silverware.

It's only 210 calories.

I don't know if you're watching
your figure, but I sure am.

If you can grab a serving spoon,
I think we'll be set.

Keep your distance
from these things.

I think it's safe
to keep five feet.

I think they're about done.

Dining room's right this way.

Mmm!

Mmm. Oh.

I think my father poured
the cement for your pool.

He's a cement contractor.
Good man.

Bud Dodge?

My mother works at
Hoenicker's over Christmas.

My sister's a teller
at the bank.

My brother's in grade
school. He's not employed.

I used to work at
the animal shelter.

But I was terminated.
Now I'm working here.

Do you always talk this much?

I guess I do.

I like talking to people.

I was thinking maybe
you should go into sales.

I've tried.

Some fresh ground pepper?

Please.

Some people don't like
a lot of pepper.

- Say when.
- That's fine.

I happen to really
like it a lot.

It enhances the natural
flavour of the chicken.

I hope you don't take
this the wrong way.

I've had dreams about you.

You've had dreams about me?

Not recently.

I've had dreams
about you in the past.

I've had dreams about
entire cheerleading squads,

so don't get me wrong.

It's kid stuff. How 'bout you?

Do I dream?

That's about all I do.

- Raisin' a kid's hard work.
- You got any kids?

No, sir.
And from listening to you,

and from observin' this,

I'm kinda grateful
Emily turned up infertile.

Shouldn't you be
cleaning up the store?

I got plenty of time.

Big store.

Huge.

Always smoke cigars?

I enjoy a good one
after a fine meal.

It settles the stomach.

You're the town liar, right?

What?

I'm sorry.
That really came out wrong.

I don't see how
it could come out right.

That's what people call you.
I didn't mean...

to imply it's true.
People call me that?

I thought you knew.

That I was the town liar?

You didn't?

No. I'm not.

You have the wrong information.

I didn't mean to offend you.

Did you think
that was a compliment?

No. No. And I apologize.

I can't repeat things like that.

Don't think about it.

As I said, you've got
the wrong information.

If people are calling me that,

it's because they're
small, petty and jealous.

Small towns are
notorious for that.

I'm sure there's a word for me.

Sure.

What do they call me?

A tease.

Tease?

Yeah, I can see that.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Actually, I never teased.

This is becoming amusing,

but who exactly calls me a liar?

Everybody.

No, not everybody.

I'm sure there's
some old people in town.

Right.

What do you think?

What do I think?

Do you think I'm a liar?

I don't know you well enough.

You've known me
for almost 17 years.

We went to the same schools
from kindergarten on up.

I knew of you, but I didn't
know you personally.

That's always bothered me.

I mean that old...
In-out, us-them thing.

That's the way it's been.

It's always bothered me.

It's water over the dam now.

It's your dam and my water.

I got crapped on a lot of years.

I meant that it's in the past.

The present is a result
of the past.

I look at my
high school yearbook

and I don't see
four fabulous years.

I'm reminded of
what it feels like

to have my underwear
yanked up my ass

by some big football player.

And where are those guys now?

I know they're not working
nights at Target. I'll tell you that.

Yeah. You know,

I look at my yearbook

and I see four fabulous years

that are gonna be the
highlight of my life.

Here's what it's like.

First you feel a hand
going down your pants

and tighten around
the elastic waistband.

Highlight.

Sometimes
I'd actually see stars.

It's not going to get better.

If I was particularly unlucky,

my shorts would rip
completely free and I'd get...

Jim?

Do you hear me?

Yeah.

I don't really care about a graphic
description of a childhood prank.

That prank was
a motif in my life.

You know, I'm locked
in this store here

because I didn't have
the guts to steal a skirt

so I could get arrested
and embarrass my father

in this stupid,
desperate, childish,

pathetic attempt to leave home.

You have your underwear
yanked up your ass.

I have my entire life
yanked up my ass.

You're speaking figuratively.

I was speaking literally.

And you're happy.

You're happy.

I'm not happy.

I'm working nights.
Everybody thinks I'm a liar.

My whole family's
laughing at me.

Reverend Harwell gave me
the finger last week.

OK, you're not happy,

But at least you have
some control over your life.

So do you.

My father controls my life.

You're over 18. You can tell him
to drop dead, and get on a plane.

So can you.

I don't want to.

I like living at home.

No, you don't.

What am I, a garden snail?

An involuntary muscle
in a janitor suit?

I know what I want to do.

What could you possibly like

about living at
home at your age?

The meals are great.

I mean, there's cable.

The accommodations
are excellent, five-star.

What do you care if
I'm living at home or not?

Hey, I didn't come here
to irritate you.

Well, you're beginning to.

Great. That's really great.

I gotta stop saying
those kinds of things.

Those freakin' kids!
I knew I couldn't trust 'em.

Town liar. That's a
nice rep. Nice rep.

I bet it was Gregory,
that little weasel.

Top secret, and they still
shoot off their mouths!

If I'd really been a French spy,

those little tots
would've gotten me killed!

Piano wire wrapped
around my neck.

My testicles
shoved down my throat,

A piece of dynamite
stuck up my ass.

She's so beautiful.

And I'm the town liar.

Jim, there's no reason
to lie right now.

There's no one to impress.

I'm not impressed by a man
telling me he likes living at home.

Excuse me.

I'm not lying,

and I'm not trying
to impress you.

So if you'll excuse me,

I have to clean dead flies
out of the lighting fixtures.

OK, my error. I apologize.

It's just that
I can't imagine a man...

giving up his independence,
his right to mate,

to have a family,

to have children,
to build a life for himself,

for good cooking.

Hold on.

I have not given
up my right to mate.

I have the right to mate

anytime I feel like mating.

You go out with someone.

You bring her home.
You introduce her to...

Mom, dad, sis, Bill,

Woofie the dog.

Cocktails in the rumpus room,

And then do it on the bunk bed?

Oh, let's analyze that remark.

First, I don't have a dog,

my brother's not named Billy,

and I don't even
have a rumpus room...

You know what I mean.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Spit on me, make me feel lousy.

Jim?

You said something
that wasn't true.

No.

No, I said that I can
have sex when I want to,

and I do.

However, I was looking forward

to a nice, quiet evening
of janitoring.

I don't think you see
what I'm getting at.

I see what you're getting at.

I'm a lying monk
with an Oedipus complex

and an appetite
for home cooking.

Don't forget, you're
the indecisive shoplifter.

Yes! Exactly!

I would do anything
to be in your shoes.

These are Darnell's shoes.

You have freedom,
and you're not using it.

It makes me sad.

You have the collective wealth
of the entire town,

and you're trying to get
yourself arrested.

That makes me sad.

That makes me sad, too.

That's pretty stupid.
It's very stupid.

Are you serious?

I mean, you haven't
been drinking?

This isn't the bottle talking?

No.

Then why don't you
just talk to the guy?

For the same reason that
you can't leave home,

I can't tell my father
to go to hell.

Why not?

Because I don't
want to be alone.

Mr. McClellan?

You ever have any family problems,
you and your daughter?

What the hell
do you think this is?

You got a point.

Would you go with me somewhere?

- Where?
- Florida?

Wyoming? Spain?

It doesn't really matter,
just away somewhere.

I'd love to.

I just can't afford to be

capricious and carefree
like yourself.

I've gotta set my sights on
something and really go for it.

Night janitor?

It's a beginning.

I... I'm looking at...
It's an end.

Maybe if you had
a destination in mind,

that would make all the
difference in the world.

Why?

Well, uh, I'm just not built
to aimlessly roam the world.

I'm too conservative for that.

Well, I was thinking
about Los Angeles.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

What for?

Live. Work.

- At what?
- Whatever.

And what about your father?

When I don't die,

he'll realize I can
make it on my own.

If I do,

he'll have the satisfaction
of knowing that I can't.

If he brings me back,
or if I go back on my own,

he's just gonna beat
the shit out of me.

So it doesn't really
make a difference.

What? Literally?

Yeah.

Sad.

Yeah, it's sad.

Until he throws you across
the room, that's sad.

I'm afraid to live with him,

and I'm afraid to live without...

You didn't come to
work to hear this.

That's all right.

I'm gonna clean this up.

I'm just surprised.

I thought everything
was OK, you know.

I figured you got a nice car,
a nice house, some money.

Everything's OK.

It should be, but it's not.

It's twisted and it's distorted,

and it can't be changed
and it cannot be saved.

I'll go with you.

Really?

Yeah.

We have to get a car.

Let's get through
the night, first.

I have money.

How much?

Fifty-two thousand dollars.

On you?

In my purse.

Fifty-two thousand dollars. Wow.

I've never seen
so much money in my life.

This is more than my house cost.

Jim, now that
I'm spending the night,

how can I pay you back

for being so cold
to you in high school?

Do you need an
answer right away?

No. Sometime before
the sun comes up.

Well, uh...

You're probably not
going to remember this,

but, uh...

There was a homecoming dance
our sophomore year.

Mm-hmm.

Do you remember Mrs. Noble?

Large, hairy gym teacher

with a suspiciously
cumbersome groin bulge?

I had her for two years.

She made everybody
switch partners

because the fat girls
were dancing together,

and the doinks, myself included,

were standing against the wall,
blowing spit bubbles.

Right.

Well, for three-quarters

of one verse of a slow song,

we danced together.

You reeked of Stridex.

Oh, no, that was Larry Fry.

I'm sorry.

I don't remember.

Well...

You got your hair
caught in my braces.

I don't remember.

Well, it's not important.

I had...

Well, I just always dreamed
of finishing that dance.

OK.

Don't feel you have
to answer right away.

It's just a small portion
of my life that's incomplete.

I thought you were gonna
say something different.

Well,

first things first.

You're ticklish there?

Aaah!

Ow.

Officer Don!

Oh! You scared
the crap out of me.

I thought it was the custodian.

Jim, what are you
doing in there?

I work here now.

You wanna let me in?

I'd love to let you in.
I don't have the keys.

I'm locked in till 7:00 a.m.

What's going on?

Have you seen Josie McClellan?

Of course.

Dark hair,
green eyes, beautiful.

Oh, yeah.

You seen her recently?

Oh!

Ah, matter of fact,
I just saw her yesterday.

We had a cup of Java together.

She come into the store?

I don't know.
I only work nights.

Why?

Well, she's missing.

I was looking this side
of town for her

and I come past.

I seen that
the outside sign's on.

The outside sign's never on.

Oh, yeah.

Did you try the library?

Maybe she fell asleep reading.

No.

She's probably screwing somebody

the old man don't approve of.

Would you know if

the custodian comes by
to check up on people?

I wouldn't think
he'd do that, Jimmy.

I feel pretty good now.

I'm sorry, sir.

I had to practice
a little therapy.

Boy's in his own world.

Aaah!

Why don't we get
underneath the bench?

Do you want to get on top?

You check the office.
I'll scope the dressing rooms.

Right.

You're on top.

Did you want to be on top?

Oh, no.

I'm fine where I am.

Sure.

Ow, ow, ow.

I think he went to the back.

Evening.

Nice.

Excellent.

Hey, you got a tattoo?

No, sir.

Not you, asshole!

I'm a missing person.

The whole town
is looking for me.

You hidin' out?

Yes.

I'd appreciate it
if you'd let us sit up.

What about the tattoo?

I don't have one.

You owe me a buck.

Actually, it's up to two.

I borrowed that one
off you at Burger King.

Excuse me.

Are you planning to shoot us
in the back of the head?

We haven't decided yet, have we?

Who are you?

Ah... you don't want to know.

Wouldn't have asked if
he didn't want to know.

He's a little crazy.
He's my brother.

That's not true.

She doesn't even know me.

Somebody better start
talking straight here.

That's the truth.

OK.

You want to know?

Mm-hmm.

OK, good. But...

Come on over here.

What?

Come on over.

Come on over here!

Over here.

Come on down here.

That's right. Down here.

Uh-huh?

OK.

You dumb sons of bitches.

Do you realize that
you have just walked

straight into a $60-million
drug transaction?

So, you're running this

multi-zillion-dollar drug
transaction by yourself?

Little Target boy.

No.

No, I'm not doing it by myself.

Oh, no, no.

As a matter of fact,

in about 10 minutes

this place is gonna
be alive with the meanest,

ugliest, most impatient animals
you guys have ever seen.

I'll give you five minutes
to take

whatever you want
in the whole store.

I won't tell.
Take your guns and go.

OK, then, who's the girl?

- I'm his hostage.
- Yes, yes!

Is that true? Hmm?

Yes! Yes, it's true.

And, um,

if the deal doesn't go down,
she becomes pig feed.

Bullshit.

Oh, really?

Well, blow her away.

That's bullshit!

OK.

Then give me your guns
and I'll do it for you.

It's bullshit, right?

We'll see.

Roll over.

- You heard him.
- What?

Roll over! You too, honey.

You heard me. Roll over. Do it!

Come on, come on!
Roll! That's it.

Mmm! Yeah.

Um, give me the guns.

No way, man. Uh-uh.

Fine.

You do it.
I don't need her anymore.

I only needed her to
get through customs.

I don't like this.

This sucks. It's not worth it.

We don't have time. Do it!

All right.

It's nothing personal.

Jim!

Too late. They're here!

It's too late. They're here.

Men, hold your fire.

Ned, Tommy, hold your fire.

There are infrared scopes
trained on your heads.

We didn't want this!

It's the girl you want, not us!

Ned, we got a WD-40.
That's right. A full-scale pms.

Everybody, just relax!

The place is gonna blow.

Just relax.
Now, put down your guns.

They're putting down the guns.
Are you putting them down?

Get down 'cause
lives are at stake.

Let go. Now get back.

Spread 'em. Spread the legs.
Put down the dogs.

OK, put the dogs down.

Put the dogs down! Both of 'em!

Put the dogs down! Down!

That was great!

I got a surprise for you guys.

We have a bit of
a surprise for you, too.

Them guns aren't loaded.

I got an idea.

How about a truce?

I'm full of shit.
You're full of shit.

Everybody at one time
is full of shit.

I'll throw on some corn dogs
and we'll get to know each other.

I'd like to know what
goes on inside your heads.

OK, you had the big one...

No.

Sorry. I could've sworn
you had the big one.

I lied.

These are the men that
killed that guy in Saltburg.

I'm fairly sure
that we're gonna die.

I'm disappointed we're not
going to California together.

We're not dead yet.

Pretty darn close.

No.

If I can get them
to take me with them,

Maybe I can get away
and come back for you.

We need a car and
they obviously have one.

Just...

Go along with whatever I do, OK?

OK.

So, what's the word on you two?

Are you married?

Obviously,
you're hack crooks if you can't pull off

a discount store job.

What were you planning
to steal? Hair spray?

Sorry.

Lady, you got a job?

No.

Then don't knock ours.

Crime isn't a job.
It's a sickness.

Whoops.

Anyone have some change?

You look like a lady
in need of a quarter.

I might need more
than just a quarter.

- You know...
- No.

You and I could make
a lot of money.

Honey, me and Nestor
are partners.

We don't need a third.

You don't know, so shut up.

Hop on.

Now.

Let's go now.

Know what you are?

Yeah.

You are one good-looking
ball of trouble.

Good.

What do you think, for the car?

This one?

No, the whole thing.
We'll lay it in back.

We got multi-cassette
capabilities.

Think of the sound.

I'm not helping you
load your car.

Think again, boy.

You're not taking the
stolen merchandise out.

I'm not gonna let you.

Get out.

It's stolen. All of it!

- Gimme that!
- No!

- Give it to me!
- It's mine!

But where... Wait a minute.

You're not going with them?

Yeah.

You'll be an accessory.

So?

So? You don't know
anything about them.

You certainly don't know
anything about him.

These are hardened
criminals here!

That's enough!

Don't waste your time.
You could get a hernia.

If my foot could talk,

it would say, "may I please
go up this geek's ass?"

- Forget him!
- All right.

He's no use to us. The
guy's built like an oyster.

Listen, little mister.

If you tell on us,
I'll kill you.

Fine.

Jim.

Don't be an ass.

OK, Jimbo?

Let's go, shall we?

Ahem.

Come on, come on!

- You got it?
- I got it.

I got 'em. I got 'em.

That wasn't a store robbery.

That was an assassination.

That wasn't a clerk.
That was a wise guy.

How do I know?
I spent a little time

with the FBI's
organized crime unit.

I'm intimately knowledgeable with
the seedy and rancorous workings

of the mob in the Midwest
section of this country.

I know a gangland slaying
when I see one,

and that's exactly what this is.

I'd look into it
myself personally,

But I got a date tonight.

Attention Target shoppers.

Jim!

He is so cool!