Original subtitles

Elizabeth, where does Jackie keep her champagne flutes?

Uh, right next to her unicorn and pot of leprechaun gold.

So we don't have any. This is a problem.

You know my father's a very traditional man.

We cannot serve him champagne in Sammy's Spider-Man mugs.

Why don't we just serve it in our normal wineglasses?

Why don't we just swig out of the bottle

and eat with our hands?

Relax, Luis.

Why don't you dial it down from a diezto a siete.

What's going on in here?

It's only 7:30 in the morning and the table's

all fancy and the place looks less...

Greasy? Grimy?

Sticky?

I was gonna say "cluttered."

Breakfast, Samuelito, but please eat over the trash,

so we can keep the house clean.

You spill one pot of chili...I'm sorry,

but it is a big day for Luis.

You see, a couple of weeks ago,he left a voice mail

reaching out to his papá,

but he never responded... until today,

when he sent the most beautiful,heartfelt text.

Read it, Luis.

"Landed at LAX.

See you soon. Don Dominguez."

And, in honor of his visit,

we decided to break out thisvery expensive bottle of Cristal

we've been hiding from you.

And I brought this jar of rare Egyptian almonds

that taste squishy in your mouthbut are meant to be that way.

As well as this attractive wedge of pule,

the world's most exclusive and pungent cheese.

It is made from the milk of donkeys.

Explains why it smells like ass.

[laughs] You said "ass."

Jackie, what's going onwith you? Why are you

all dressed up in your long-sleeved T-shirt?

Do you have to go to court?No.

I got a call from one of Dad's old clients--

the Sunshine Valley Retirement Home.

They're doing a big renovation

and they want me to come in for a meeting.

Oh, since whendo you do renovations?

Since forever. Dad taught me and Lizzie

how to fix anything-- electric, plumbing...

High school basketball games.

Now that you guys are here and helping out with Sammy,

I finally have the chance tostart my own handyman business.

Like Dad did, with Dixon & Murray.

Ugh. Murray.Murray.

Hey! I just cleaned that floor.ELIZABETH: Sorry.

We hate Murray.

He was our dad's business partner

until Murray ratted him out for tax evasion.

Dixon went to jail and Murray went to Boca.

Which is kind of like jail--a bunch of old guys in jumpsuits

eating dinner at 5:00, asking themselves,

"What did I do wrong to end up here?"

Okay, so, I have to get away from that cheese

and you have to go to school.

Oh. I'll walk out with you.

I want to get some flowers for the occasion.

Oh. Bowl stays here.

No breakfast in the car.

You stash one Go-Gurt under the seat...

So, are you excited to see your father?I am.

It has been three years

since I came out to him, and now that he's traveling

all this way, I'm hoping it is a sign

that he's finally ready to accept me for who I am.

Have you thought about what you're gonna say to him?

Oh. I've imagined the conversation a thousand times.

He'll say to me, "How isyour job as Javier's assistant?"

And I'll say, "Very good.

How is your jobas Javier's father's assistant?"

And he'll say, "Very good. [chuckles]

You know, classic father-son stuff.

And then,before you know it,

we've reconciled and we're making up for lost time.

Oh. Oh, that's a beautiful bouquet.Isn't it?

The neighborsreally have a green thumb.

And now a fencewith a broken latch.

[knocking]

He's here.

How do I look?

Adorable.JAVIER: Agreed.

You look super cute. Now answer the door.

Luis.

Papá.

Javier.

Don Dominguez.

Elizabeth.

Don Dominguez.

Now that we have completed the formalities,

may I enter?

Yes, of course.

Welcome to Reseda, Papá,

No need to get emotional.

I'm not here

to see you, Luis.

I'm here to see Javier.

[voice squeaks]: Huh?

I don't understand.

What do you mean you're not here to see me?

I am here because today is the six-month anniversary

of the day that your papá cut off all your money.

A-And he's decided to give it back to me?

The nightmare is over! Yes!

No,

it is still a nightmare.

I have been sent

to make some observations

and maybe just jot down a few notes.

[quietly]:It's the green notebook

he carried aroundbefore our wedding.

He was giving me a testto see if I was worthy.

Are you giving Javi a test?

No, this is not a test.

Your papásimply wants me to make some observations

about your current lifestyle.

Oh, well, that's a relief.

It's totally a test.

Your papáwants to know that youhave learned the value of money

and the importance of hard work,and that you have given up

your foolish existencefull of expensive champagne,

rare nuts and trendy cheeses.

Javi, Luis, why don't you go see if the coffee is ready,

and I will show Don Dominguez

where he can freshen up.

Hide all the fancy crap!

Luis, are you okay?

I mean, you know, even though your father

didn't come here to see you, you can still

take the opportunity to talk to him.

No. He's obviously not ready to have that conversation.

Well, he had a long flight. Perhaps he'll be ready

once his ears have popped.

Javier, focus!

Oh! Oh!

Oh, oh.

Do you think

if I pass this test, I'll get my money back?

Yes.As long as you prove

you're a changed personand no longer indulge

in fancy things like... [sniffs]

Donkey cheese. He's going to smell

the stinky donkey cheese.Oh, oh, the cheese.

Thank you for the flowers.

Don Dominguez, would youlike a cup of coffee?

You know, the kindthat regular people

who lead regular livesdrink regularly?

Yes. I would like a cup.

Thank you.Of course.

Do you take half-and-half?

It depends.

Do you havehalf-and-half?

Well, no, because half-and-half

is a luxury a working man like myself can't afford.

[quietly]: And to think I used to bathe in it.

Don Dominguez, if you don't mind me asking,

what exactly are you writing in that little green notebook?

Oh, just minor observations.Oh.

So nothing for me to worry about.

I did not say that.

Hey, excuse me. I'm looking for...

Nick Murray?

Jackie Dixon?

Wow, I haven't seen you since...

Since your dad ratted out my dadand sent him to prison?

Yeah, since then.

What are you doing here?

I'm getting hired to renovate this place.

Well, that doesn't make any sense,

'cause I'm getting hired to renovate this place.

Well, that makes no sense, because I've spent

the last ten years building on my dad's reputation

as a world-class...

Jackass?...handyman.

But enough about me.

How's your sister?

Lizzie is great. After you two broke up,

her life got waybetter.

Really?Yeah.

Then what is she doing back in Reseda?

Wow.

Somebody's keeping tabs.

Creepy much?

Hi. I'm Judy Nuwabi.

Welcome to the Sunshine Valley Retirement Home.

Listen, I really appreciate this opportunity,

but I think there's been some sort of mix-up...

Yeah, uh, she's Dixon and I'm Murray,

but we do not work together.Hey,

I just got your numberson your dad's old business card.

Now, you're here

to fix the pipes that burstfor the umpteenth time

since your fatherinstalled them...

Sounds about right.

...and you're here to repair

all the electricalthat your dad screwed up.

Shocking. Get it?

So we're both getting hired?

For this job. Butwhoever does better work

will get a shot at renovating

Sunshine Valley's14 other retirement facilities.

I will be here tomorrow at 7:00 with my crew.

I'll be here tomorrow at 6:00...

fifty-ish...

with my crew...

which I definitely have.

[door opens]

Hey.

Jackie. Uh, you remember Don Dominguez, Luis's father.

Jackie.

Don Dominguez.

We met at Lizzie's wedding, right?

I don't really remember.

I might've had a drink or two.Mm.

Yes, you had...

six...

teen drinks.

So, do you have a lot of fun things planned

for you and Luis?

Actually, Don Dominguez is here

to observe Javi and confirm thatwe've learned the value of money

and hard work, which we have, isn't that right, Jackie?

Absolutely.

Lizzie and Javi, they're always willing to work hard

and pitch in.

I'll show you.

Hey, Lizzie. You want to help me out

with my handyman job tomorrow?

How could I possibly say no?

Little heads-up.

Nick Murray'll be there.

Nick Murray?!

Who's Nick Murray?[groans loudly]

This dope I used to date in high school

just because he had a motorcycle and eight-pack abs.

Well, I would love to stay and hear more

about your badass, super-buff teenage paramour...

[chuckles] ...but I have to go to work and punch the clock.

Which I don't literally do,

because I'm a ride-share driver,so the clock,

[laughing]: it's actually on my dashboard.

I'll see you when I get back, Don Dominguez.

No. You will see me now.

Part of the test isobserving you in the workplace.

I thought you said this wasn't a test.

And I thought you understood that it was.

Is the temperature okay for you back there?

Uh-huh.

Wonderful, because this ride-share

is not about my needs or wants. No.

It's all about you.

I'm good.

He's good.

What do you think about driverswho talk too much

while they're driving?

Not into it.

[quietly]: He's not into it.

[chuckles]

Don Dominguez,

why don't you take a break from your little book?

We can have a conversation about anything you want.

Current events.

Classical music.

A way to reconnect with your son Luis,

who has missed you very much.

Hey, man.What?

You missed my turn.Oh.

Oh, I am sorry.

I'll-I'll give you a free ride.

No, no, two. Two free rides.

Uh,

no, you should pay me because I'm a working man

who knows the value of money.

Oh, come on, what are you writing?

How are you doing on the test?

Oh, who knows?I drop him off at his hotel

then suggestedhe get a pedicure,

and then he wrote three pages in that damn notebook.

Perhaps he was writing down good things.

Was he happy, like this?

Hmm.

Or was he upset, like this?

You're making the same face, Luis.

They were totally different. Let me show you again.

No, that's fine! That's fine.I get it. I get it.

I just wish I knew how I was doing on the test.

I need to get my hands on that notebook.

Unfortunately, my papáalways carries it in his jacket.

We just need to find a way to get him out of it.

[gasps] I got it.

We take him to a Korean spa

and wait until he gets totally naked.

Or we spill something on it at home

and get him to take it off.

Okay, your plan is better.

I was just really hoping to get a massage.

[laughs] Well, well, well.

Look who's here. Little Lizzie Dixon.

Oh, if it isn't Nick"Also Very Little" Murray.

Lizzie and I used to date back when

I was only benching 285.

Wasn't that alsoyour SAT score?

Hard to believe you two kids didn't work out.

Let's set up, Lizzie.

Wait a minute, she's your crew?

[laughing]

That's hilarious.

ELIZABETH:What's hilarious

is you're only using one wrench

to tighten that hex fitting when you should be using two.

Ever heard of back-holding?

JACKIE:Yep.

That's my crew.

Suck on it.

What did she say?

She told him to suck on it.

Keep going.I like this show.

The TV in the common room's broken.

Oh, okay. Um, so, here's the deal.

So, Lizzie and Nick, they used to date back in high school,

but then Lizzie dumped him, and she ended up

marrying this really rich, really handsome guy.

But then they lost all their money, so they...

Why are youtelling them this?Because their TV's broken.

If they want to follow along, they need the backstory.[scoffs]

Yeah, well, that backstory is BS.

Lizzie didn't dump me. I dumped her.

Excuse me, I dumped him.

Excuse me, in what world does a six

dump a nine?

[laughs]: I mean, come on. It's just simple math.

Okay, that's it.

[growls]No, Lizzie! No.

Don't let him get to you, okay? This job is important to me.

I need you to keep it together.

I know, but I don't want to.

Lizzie, please.

This is my shot at my own business.

[sighs]Okay, fine. I'll be good.

Aw, I wanted to see them fight.

Me, too,

but unfortunately, I'm here to work. [chuckles]

You don't think I'm a six, do you?

As a feminist,

I feel uncomfortable answering that.

[cawing]

That's our signal.

JAVIER: I just love

doing bird calls.[chuckles]

Oh?Yeah.

Which bird was that?

A turkey vulture.

Doesn't a turkey vulture sound more like...

[trilling, hissing]

Well, I've heard it both ways.

Don Dominguez, how about a smoothie?

Luis made one of my favorites.[chuckles] Ah.

[gasps]Oh, no!Oh! Aah!

I'm sorry.Oh, my God. Please,

let me clean your jacket, Don Dominguez. Please, please.

Uh, blot. Don't rub.

I don't want you to panic,Papá, but I think I see

some flecks of smoothiein your eyebrows.

What? No!

My eyebrows are the seat of all my expressions.

Sammy, why don't you take Don Dominguez

to get cleaned up?Here, come with me.

What does it say?I don't know. It says, uh...

Uh... Oh. "Half and half.

"LeBron. Pedicure.

Pedicure. Pedicure."

Oh, here. Here.

"Javier is leading a life of purpose and responsibility.

"He has grown as a person

and seems ready to be trusted again."

Javi, that is fantastic.

[Sammy bird calls]

They're back already.

[Sammy bird calls]

I will stall him.

For the last time, it's...

[trills, hisses]

You incorrectly assessed my eyebrow flecks.

I'm sorry.

I could make youanother smoothie.

Blueberry. Banana.

I do my own take on razzmatazz.

I don't want another smoothie. I want my jacket.

I feel like a hippiedressed like this.

Papá, stop.

What is it, Luis?

Nothing.

No, wait. No.

I need to know why you didn't respond to my voice mail.

[exhales] Now is notthe right time for this.

There's never going to be a right time.

Why didn't you call back?

I have nothingto say to you.

How is that possible?

You're my father.

I'm not asking for much.

I just want you to see me for who I am.

I don't approve of who you are.

There is nothing leftto discuss.

Don Dominguez is right.

There's nothing leftto discuss.

Here's your jacket.

I think you should leave.

Are you sure you want to do this?

You should be proudto have raised a son

as kind, generousand impeccably dressed as Luis.

This is a homebuilt on love and respect,

and until you're readyto accept Luis exactly as he is,

you're not welcome here.

Javier.

Don Dominguez.

Luis.

Papá.

[door closes]

Ugh.

Are we supposed to be impressedby that?

It is kind of impressive.

I know.

You ladies talking about salads?

No. Are you guys talking

about how steroids lead to impotence?

No.

Okay, let's flip the breaker.

Damn it!Oh.

We must have a bad wire.Hand me the digital clamp meter.

We don't have one.

We can't finishthe job without it.

Well, go ask Nickto borrow his.

He's not gonna give it to me,

and he clearly hasa thing for you still

because he keeps tryingto get your attention.

He is not trying to get my at...

Oh, my God.

Okay, fine. I'll ask.

Wowie, one arm.[chuckles]

Hey, Nick.

Can I borrow a digital clamp meter?

Of course.

Thank you.On one condition.

Admit that I dumped you.

Oh, whatever.

You dumped me. Wah, wah. Give me the meter.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, not yet.

I need you to post it on Facebook.

I want

everybody we went to high school with to know

that you ran into me, I looked hot

and you still haven't gottenover the pain of me dumping you.

[laughs] But none of that is true.

It's Facebook. It doesn't have to be true.

Okay, I am not saying that.

Now quit acting like such a Murray

and give me the damn meter.

No deal.

ELIZABETH: Jackie,

I'm sorry, but I can't. Okay?

I... I have lost

so much these past few months.

The only thing I have left is my dignity.

If I do what he says, I have nothing.

Okay.

I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but it's...

No, I-I get it.

I don't want youto humiliate yourself.

I'll be fine.

Really?

Really.

So you're not gonna say, "Suck it up, Lizzie.

"You're being petty for caring what a bunch of losers

on Facebook think of you"?

Nope.

Well, you should be saying that,because I should suck it up,

because I am being petty. You need this job.

Okay, Nick. I'll lie and say you dumped me,

you thick-necked, sausage-fingered

son of a snitch.

Get it together, Jackie.

No peeking.We are almost there.

I love surprises!

I know. That's why I'm doing this.

I hate surprises.I know.

That's why I'mdoing this. [chuckles]

And open your eyes.

It's all that weird crap you like!

[laughs]Oh, thank you!

Don't mind the bits of leaves and grass on the cheese.

I had to wrestle it from the neighbor's cat.

I think it might even smell better.

Why did I do that?

I would liketo propose a toast.

Javi, you are the mostgenerous person I know.

You have sacrificed so much.

I could never put a price on our friendship.

But it is somewhere in the neighborhood

of $400 million to $500 million.

I'm sorry, Elizabeth.

I know this meanswe won't be getting our money.Say no more.

Luis is family.

So, none of the money?

Say no more.

I'd like to make a toast, too.

Lizzie, thanks for having

my backwith all that Nick stuff today.

Oh, yeah.I saw on Facebook

how your super rippedex-boyfriend dumped you.

I was confused,but I threw you a like.

[Javier and Elizabeth chuckle]

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