Original subtitles

- [Woman] Damn, look at all that stuff,

looks like y'all having a barbecue, huh?

(hip hop music)

♪ I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake, shake, shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way, I like the way, I like the way ♪

♪ I like the way, I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ Freak nasty

♪ Wouldn't be caught with the booty getting passed me ♪

♪ 2000 zero zero does have me

♪ Shake that ass, shake that ass ♪

♪ My laptop creeping up real slow ♪

♪ Another ass all good to go

♪ See that body, got my eyes open ♪

♪ Please stop, shake that ass over here on my block ♪

♪ Having fantasies with 'em

♪ See you shaking that ass

♪ In the Q like you don't care

♪ I'm addicted to your attitude ♪

♪ I ain't trying to be rude

♪ But that booty got me in the mood ♪

♪ I guess it only takes a little time ♪

♪ Between the weed and the wine ♪

♪ Something about that ass got me blind ♪

♪ So come and stand right in front of me ♪

♪ Turn around, shake, shake, shake that ass ♪

♪ Til a nigga leave

♪ I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake, shake, shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way, I like the way, I like the way ♪

♪ I like the way, I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ Freak nasty, wouldn't be caught ♪

♪ With the booty getting passed me ♪

♪ 2000 zero zero just had me

♪ Shake that ass, shake that ass for daddy ♪

♪ I carry heart break

♪ My baby mama tore it up

♪ My man's watching

♪ I love it when you throw it up ♪

♪ Tear drop, I used to cry heavily ♪

♪ Now I'm at the Q with a thick ass ahead of me ♪

♪ H dub, hit me with a six pack ♪

♪ She got ass

(crickets chirping)

(hip hop music)

♪ What what

♪ Got the stars, 69

♪ I like what you do to me all the time ♪

♪ Got the stars, 69

♪ What what what

♪ Got the stars, 69

♪ I like it when you do it to me all the time ♪

♪ Got the stars, 69

♪ Well come on let's get it on before your mama be home ♪

♪ And you best dipping down to the break of dawn ♪

♪ If Victoria got a secret than that bitch is a lie ♪

♪ Because all my niggas know that I'm the piece of the pie ♪

♪ If you want to be down

- Damn, baby.

You got more stacks than a mother fucking

International House of Pancakes.

- Are you ready?

I'm about to give it to you so good.

You jump up and slap your mama.

- Hell yeah I'm ready, bring that shit over.

(moaning)

♪ Bring me some of that doggy

♪ And I'll fuck it with style

♪ You know mama gonna make it worth your while ♪

♪ So give it up, give it up

(phone ringing)

- Who this? - Hi, Cedric.

It's your girl Gia.

I just wanted to say good morning.

- Yo, baby, I'm trying to catch mad Z's right now.

I'm gonna hit you back in a few hours.

- OK, toodles. - My girlfriend Gia

always calling when I'm dreaming

about my ex-girlfriend Marica.

But I'll tell y'all about that later on.

What's up?

Please, I'm naked and I'm trying to take a doo doo.

- Boy, please.

You ain't have no clothes on when I gave your ass life.

Now hurry and get out of here and downstairs

and help your father load that car,

and I mean now.

Oh, I know you got decent clothes upstairs.

Why you coming out of the house looking like this?

And where are your shoes?

- Hurry up, boy.

I've been waiting on your ass for 20 minutes.

- Sorry about that, Pop.

What you need?

- I want you to put them bags in the back.

- OK.

You've been waiting down here for 20 minutes

and you already brought the bags out?

How come you didn't just put 'em in the trunk?

- Because you need to do some work.

- Cedric, now you know your daddy got a bad back.

Just get over here and put your bags in the car

and quit questioning him.

- What you talking about, I ain't got no bad back.

- Well, it's not a news flash.

You've had a bad back for years now.

- You weren't complaining about that last night

when I was doing your ass from a froggy style position,

now was ya?

- Well, you do have tendency to rise to the occasion.

(laughing)

(coughing)

(R and B music)

(record scratching)

(groaning)

- Come on, man, what's wrong with you?

I want the lawn mowed, the house cleaned,

and most importantly, I want that backyard straightened up.

Especially the pool.

And don't have none of them two bit hos be messing up

around up in here while I'm gone.

- What about two bit hootchy mamas, is that cool?

- Boy, you want me to knock you into the middle of November?

- If it's the 15th, that's the only time y'all seem

to buy groceries these days.

Just kidding, just kidding, just kidding, Pop.

Just kidding.

- Now look here.

I know you're in your last semester at college,

so you a man now.

Be responsible, OK?

Because if you are, as a graduation gift,

I might be able to work something on that '93 Jeep

that you want. - For reals?

- That's right, that's right.

I know how you feel.

You're a horny little mother fucker all the time.

So if you want to get your little booty thing going,

after you finish your work,

you better carry your ass to a motel or to the back

of someone's car.

Don't have my place smelling like ass.

Because the only person allowed to pop cootchie

in that castle is this king.

Got it?

(honking)

Woman, stop honking and horning me, God damn it.

Can't you seem conversating man to man to my son?

Shit, that woman drive a man crazy.

Nag you to death.

Make you want to commit suicide.

Mohammad style.

Boy, listen.

If you want to have one, two of your home boys over,

that's fine.

But no parties.

- Don't worry, Pop, I won't let you down.

- Oh, no, you won't let me down.

Let yourself down.

And your mama down.

And that pretty little Jeep down.

- If you need anything, I left a note of where

we're gonna be staying on the fridge.

And in case of an emergency, I left 911 number, too.

See you later, be good.

(hip hop music)

- Hey, nigga, let's go party.

- Hell no. - Why not?

- Mega.

Bottom of the page.

- Oh, damn, you getting this?

- Yeah, damn.

- Oh, that's tight right there.

- Yep.

Pop say all I gotta do is keep the house straight,

mow the lawn, clean the backyard, the pool,

and I'll be four wheeling my ass off, nigga.

- Hey, man, when you get this, can I have your bus pass

and your tokens?

- Yeah, Darren. - Cool.

- Damn, this shit sure is dope.

Definitely a ho magnet.

- That's what I'm saying.

(laughing)

- Man, we could drop a funky ass barbecue

and your moms and pops won't even know it.

It ain't gonna take us 48 hours

to clean this motherfucker up.

- I don't know, man, Pops warned me about throwing a party.

- That's right.

He said don't have a party.

He didn't say nothing about a barbecue.

- Nah.

He didn't. - I can call my boy

Scotty, get him on the ones and twos, get my grandmother

recipe for barbecue sauce, throw it up on the grill,

we could charge niggas $10 to get in.

We could put chips in our pocket and parley

with a gang of bitches all jacked.

- Nah, man, I'm too close to getting me some wheels, man,

I am not fucking it up.

- Ah, shit.

- What? - Damn.

Radio not included, man.

- Let me see that.

A car with no sound?

Man, you best be keeping your ass on the bus for Spike Lee.

- I saw your baby's daddy at the party with Tarika.

- Oh no you didn't. - Yes, I did.

You need to call him. - I know that low life--

- Check your man, he was with her.

They were kissing.

I'm serious, I am serious.

No, I'm not kidding. - Hey, ladies.

Hey yo.

I was on my way to the beach, y'all ladies want to roll?

- To the beach? - Yeah.

- Yeah, let's go to the beach.

Got some music, play us something we can groove to.

Put the music on.

What is that?

(hip hop music)

♪ How y'all feeling out there

Is that what you call music?

♪ Getting busy

- Oh, no, no, I can't do that, uh uh.

- Hold up. - Oh no.

- Hold up. - No.

- When you roll the windows up it get clearer.

You just gotta concentrate on the sound.

All right, dogs, let's do this.

But y'all keep it on the DL, I don't want everybody

and their mama showing up.

- Cool, cool, cool.

Cool, it's on, it's on.

Yeah.

- Gonna get our shit on.

(hip hop music)

(smooth jazz music)

- Robin, why don't you get out and go help

my sister with her bags?

- I ain't helping Virginia with shit.

I got a bad back, remember?

(grunting)

You feel that shit?

Must have felt that shit.

Looking like Yoda.

- You got.

- Look, look, look, look, like I said, girl,

if you wear that bikini you be wearing

down at the beach, I'll let your ass in for free.

- Yo, how's it going, dog? - I get back with you.

It's all good, I done called everybody on the list.

- How many people coming?

- One, two, three, four, five, about 35.

- About 35?

Nigga, it's only 20 on the list.

- Forgot a couple of the freakazoids that might

cut me off the cootchie if they find out later

that they didn't get an invite to the party of the year.

- Nigga, I told you I didn't want everybody

and their mama here, G. - Calm down.

Look, the more motherfuckers we get in here,

the more chips we're gonna clock.

Speaking of which.

Give me $100. - What?

- Yeah, man, that's the shit we need.

You know, potato chips, dips, chronics and shit.

- Yo, I can read, nigga.

- Hooked on phonics.

- Alls I got is $25, man.

How much you got?

- Well, I got about,

oh about 40. - $40?

- No, 40 cent, nigga.

Shit.

Hey, ask Delron, he got a job.

- Delron.

Yo, man, we need a C note to get the stuff

for the barbecue and all we got is $25.

- And 40 cent.

- How much can you kick in?

- All I got is five dollars.

- Man, you're gonna get your money back after the barbecue.

- Man, if I had it, I'd kick it in.

All I got is five dollars.

- Nigga, you've been working all summer.

- All summer. - And all you got

is five dollars? - Five dollars.

- Yeah, man.

I had to give Letoya my last so she could

tighten up her weave.

- Damn, you pussy whipped bastard.

- Yo, man, we got 90 minutes to come up with $70.

Now who do we know that could front us

that kind of cash on this short of notice?

- The only two people I kick it with

is you two broke down mofos.

- Shit, don't look at me, the only bitches I fuck with

is on accounting.

They won't even let me look at the snaps.

Need a new job, nigga.

♪ Gotta get that money

♪ Gotta get that money

♪ Gotta get that money

♪ Gotta get that money

(ringing)

- Who this?

Yo, what's up, man?

So what's the haps?

All right, man.

Yeah.

Thanks anyway, dog.

Later.

Yo.

Roscoe couldn't come up with the in.

- Damn.

- Did you ask Marica? - Hell no.

I ain't asking her for shit.

- Ah, man, hey, you better chill out, dude.

We on the paper chase.

We trying to chill with some half naked hos in the process.

You better swallow your pride, man.

- All right, man, shit, I'll ask.

Marica, the one I was dreaming about earlier,

she my ex girl and we broke up over some silly shit.

Kind of got that love hate thing going on.

As a matter of fact, the only reason I'm dating Gia

from the valley is to make Marica jealous

because I know she can't stand Gia's ass.

- What is it, Cedric, don't you see I'm working?

- Yeah, yeah, I seen that, and your hair looks so nice.

Anyway, I need to borrow $70.

(laughing)

Come on, Marica, you know I wouldn't even step to you

if I didn't really need the dough.

- Are you yelling again? - No, I ain't yelling again.

I need it for the barbecue.

Charging $10 a head, expecting like 30 people,

we need your funds for the Q, drinks, and salad.

I mean, you'll have your money back by this afternoon

with like, you know, two, three percent interest.

- No, uh uh, it ain't going down like that.

What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna loan you that money.

But you gonna give me back 50% of the profit.

- Hell, no, you tripping.

See, that's why I don't like asking you for nothing.

You always gotta be a bitch about it.

- Bitch. - Fuck that.

Take your ass back to the store,

I'll get the money from somebody else.

- Whatever. - All right.

All right.

50% of the profits is cool, I mean, 50.

As usual, Big Ned was 45 minutes early to the barbecue

in case we needed some Q sample.

Every time he come over, he eat up everything

and want to put his big, black, crusty ass

in somebody's pool.

(groovy music)

♪ What's happening

♪ I see you tripping

♪ Trying to play that role like you don't know me ♪

♪ Come into them all

♪ Diamonds and pearls

Damn, that had to be at least an eight on the Richter scale.

♪ 26, 36, this and I see you looking at the way ♪

♪ My TV is

It was all to the good.

Me and Jeter was on our way back from the store

with all the stuff for the Q.

Moms, Pops, and Aunt Virginia was well on their way

to my cousin's wedding in Oaktown.

♪ The lights down low

♪ Sitting at the bar

♪ See it from afar

♪ Looking like a star, wondering who you are ♪

♪ Baby, let's lost it and chocolate ♪

♪ And you look so fine

And Big Ned was back at the house with Delron,

chilling with a donut.

♪ I've been waiting

- Where did all this Spam come from?

- Oh, man, I got this when you went to get some more ice.

I got the Spam.

- We are not serving Spam.

- Come on, man, most niggas won't even know the difference.

They'll think it's some ham or some shit like that.

- Fool, people pay good money for some barbecue.

Not trying to take advantage of the homies

by substituting no Spam for ham.

- Come on, man.

You've got to keep your eyes on the prize.

The Kenwood, the two speakers, the abs, a gang of Khakis.

We in a business venture, business venture, all right?

We got to keep costs low.

Man, we hook up--

- What's up, fellas?

Damn, look at all that Spam,

looks like y'all having a barbecue, huh?

- Yeah, this afternoon.

Hey, hey, hey.

You're more than welcome to come through if you want to.

- Really, should I bring anything?

- Hey, get the fuck, what the fuck is a bitch

like this gonna bring?

I mean, she bring that government cheese

up off the crib, your mom's gonna whoop that ass.

- Don't be calling me no bitch, Jeter.

You need to shut your ugly ass up.

- Oh, shit, she called me ugly.

Excuse me.

Have you took a look in the mirror lately?

I mean God damn.

- Yes, I have.

And you confirm what I already know,

that I am mad fine and I've got it going on.

- Well, from where I stand, and that's pretty

motherfucking close, you look like you've been

whooped with four or five ugly sticks.

I'm talking a Rodney King beatdown.

(grunting)

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, chill.

Yo, man, chill, my man.

You can't be squaring up to fight no girl.

- That's a motherfucking bear,

I'm gonna whoop that bear's ass.

- Quit, quit, quit, quit, quit it.

Just come to the party and get your boogie on.

All right?

Just come get your boogie on.

Get your boogie on.

Get your boogie on.

Get your boogie on.

Swank it, swank it, swank it, swank it.

Do the brown, girl.

Bad ass.

Damn crackhead.

Stupid.

Come on.

- I'm scared, man, fuck this.

I ain't going that way, man.

No, man, no.

(hip hop music with indistinct vocals)

- Yo.

Can't believe they only had one pack of links.

Let's roll up to the boy's market and get more links.

- [Jeter] The one on the other side of the tracks?

- Yeah.

- Since you went away to school, Who Banks

took over that whole side of tracks, man.

- Who that?

- Made up a bunch of old school niggas.

I think they saw that original gangsta,

decided to make a comeback on a motherfucker.

- Man, I ain't scared of no old school busters

perpetrating like they hard.

- Word, shit, go get them hot dogs, then, nigga, shit.

That's my boy right there.

(hip hop music)

- Maybe one pack is enough, I mean, cause what,

it's like five or six a pack?

- Oh, man, you's a punk.

- I ain't no punk, I'm just saying, man, I mean,

look at the time, dude, it's already 3:30, shit.

Nigga, it's three motherfucking 30.

- Man, would you calm down?

We on sleepy time, that mean we got about an hour

before niggas start showing up to the pool party.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

We are not throwing a party.

We're throwing a Q.

Barbecue.

- Whatever.

♪ Listen up y'all

♪ Here comes the roll call

♪ This goes out to those who big ball ♪

♪ Mama, player player

♪ If you're sporting Chuck Taylors ♪

♪ Or Armani and Alligators

♪ Who's in the house

♪ Open up your mouth

♪ The west, the east

♪ And the dirty south

- Hey, Delron, Delron, come here.

- What's up, Shay?

- What's up is this kill is booty.

- Come on, Shay, I let you and your girls

get in for free, look, look.

Just hang in there, all right.

Cedric and Jeter will be back in a moment

with the drinks, the munchies, look,

it will be all on there, just trust me.

It will be fat.

- Y'all ain't even got no music going on.

What you talking about?

- Music, look.

Why didn't you say so?

Hold on.

Bam.

This here plays Clarence Carter

and We Be Stroking and the best of the Village People.

Any requests?

- Dang, I know we gonna have a backyard

full of motherfuckers who want to kick our ass.

The only thing that could possibly take their mind

off the fact that they starting to dehydrate

is your boy Scotty is fucking it up.

What?

- Nothing.

- It's not nothing, it's something,

because you got that fucked up look on your face.

- Man, I didn't fuck up shit, all right?

- What time did you tell Scotty to be there?

- Three o'clock.

- And what time he coming?

- He ain't. - Damn.

Nigga, we ain't got no DJ?

- Man, that motherfucker tripping

over some old bullshit, man.

- What you do?

- Check this out.

I went up to the court to get my ball on.

Just as I stepped on the court, Scotty start talking smack.

- Look whose monkey ass showed up on the court.

What's up, you non-basketball playing motherfucker?

You coming up here, man, you can't play no ball, bitch.

Come on, come on.

- Man, shut your sushi-eating ass up.

You ain't got no game, Scotty.

Look here, in the game of basketball,

we shoot shit in the hoop, not in a bowl of rice.

Get your ass out of here.

The stage was set.

Me and this fake ass Theo was about to get our ball on

one on one for high stakes.

We bet 50.

- $50? - 50 cents.

(tense music)

Scotty was up there getting lucky.

All his stuff was going in.

But I was having an off game.

I couldn't even throw a P in the ocean.

It was 12 to zero.

Scotty was going up for the winning basket,

and see what had happened was I fell and hurt my leg, right?

So I had to stop the game because technically,

I was down before the ball went in the hoop.

You know what I'm saying?

(laughing)

Where you going, man?

- So the brother says, "Baby, aren't you forgetting

"to put something on, don't you feel the draft?"

You get it?

Her pants, Mitsy forgot her pants.

You know, the draft.

The breeze, the breeze blowing on her ass.

The breeze.

The breeze.

Oh, fuck y'all.

♪ Gotta get that money

♪ Gotta get that money

♪ Gotta get that money

- What's up, Scotty? - What's up, partner?

What's going on, man?

What's happening, what's up with the 911 on the page, man?

- I need your help, dude.

We're trying to have a barbecue and now I ain't got no DJ.

I'm paying $150, dude.

What's up, man, can you help a brother out?

- Is that motherfucker right there one of the hosts?

- Yeah.

- I can't take it.

- Yo, I can pay you the 50 cent he owes you.

- Look, man, it ain't about money, right?

It's about principal, man, you know what I'm saying?

And that motherfucker's tripping.

So, I might do it if his ass apologizes.

- Oh no, fuck you kindly.

No, man.

- Come on, man.

Yo, all that man want you to do is apologize.

Better get over there and say you sorry.

- Hell, no, man.

That's why they shot that guy in the back

over some damn orange juice.

- Fool, them people was Korean.

Scotty Japanese. - Man, Japanese, Korean,

it's all the same.

Just like light skinned, dark skinned, black.

We all black, they all Asian.

- Dude, look, remember the mission we're on, dude.

We on the paper chase.

I mean, you want the hos to call you fo

just because you rich and black?

Or MC Hammer because your ass black and broke?

- All right, man.

(hissing)

Sorry.

- I can't hear that, man.

- I said I'm sorry.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

♪ I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake, shake, shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way, I like the way, I like the way ♪

♪ I like the way, I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ Freak nasty

♪ Wouldn't be caught with the booty getting passed me ♪

♪ 2000 zero zero just add me

♪ Shake that ass, shake that ass for daddy ♪

♪ Hot nail, tough man, creeping up real slow ♪

♪ Another ass all good to go

♪ See that body, got my eyes opened ♪

(coughing)

- That chronic, boy.

♪ See you shaking that ass in the Q like you don't care ♪

♪ I'm addicted to your attitude ♪

♪ I ain't trying to be rude

♪ But that booty got me in the mood ♪

♪ I guess it only take a little time ♪

♪ Between the weed and the wine ♪

♪ Something about that ass got me blind ♪

♪ Come and stand right in front of me ♪

♪ Turn around, shake, shake, shake that ass ♪

♪ Til a nigga leave

♪ I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake, shake, shake that ass ♪

- Damn. - Fine.

I'd cut my big toe off just to pick the lint

off her panties.

♪ Wouldn't be caught with the booty getting passed me ♪

♪ 2000 zero zero just have me

♪ Shake that ass, shake that ass for daddy ♪

♪ I'm Gary Heartbreak

♪ My baby mama tore it up

♪ My man's watching

♪ I love it when she throw it up ♪

♪ Teardrop, I used to cry heavily ♪

♪ Now I'm at the Q with a thick ass ahead of me ♪

♪ H dub, hit me with a six pack ♪

♪ She got ass, I love the way the tent stacked ♪

♪ I got

- Ta da.

- Damn.

This looks like more chips than waffles.

- $580 worth of damn presidents.

Ho, ho.

- Cool, cool, cool.

- Oh, man, I cannot wait to see Letoya,

I can surprise her with that cold pack she's always wanted.

- Lord, nigga.

I want some prime ass pussy, because you be dumping

chips in her lap like a motherfucking dump truck.

- Just let me know when you see.

- There she go over there.

- I'll be back.

♪ Shake that ass

♪ Shake that ass for daddy

♪ Shake the ass, shake that ass, shake it ♪

♪ It's big, can you take it for real ♪

♪ Don't fake it

♪ Bounce, bounce, bounce

♪ As we rolling by

- Baby got back. - Girl, girl.

- You're all breaking your neck trying to look at

that girl's booty.

Not a trifle.

- It's a barbecue. - That's what you do

at the barbecue.

Look at that.

- I'm looking at your back.

♪ So hush the fuss

♪ Say shake that stuff

♪ I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake, shake, shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way, I like the way ♪

♪ I like the way, I like the way ♪

- Hey.

- I'm looking, I'm about to get paid.

How much we clocking?

- I don't know, I ain't added it up yet.

- Well, I'll start counting these heads myself

and figure out how many chips you owe me.

- Marica, now I wouldn't even be after it,

because a lot of these bitties got a discount.

- A discount for what?

- For being on my motherfucking VIP list.

- Your VIP list.

- Some right there.

That's right.

- And how does that work?

- Well.

If they wearing a thong and got booty, that's half price.

If they let me squeeze the booty, that's free.

If they let me use the thong as like dental floss,

I give their ass five dollars.

- You know what, you got problems.

- Just you, your mama got problems.

- No, you know what?

I'm not even gonna go there with you,

because you ain't even worth it.

Just don't play me out of my money.

- Nobody trying to play you out of shit.

You need to quit messing with that Sherm,

making your ass paranoid.

- Wait, let me tell you what you need to do

because I'm tired.

- Hi, Ceddy-poo. - Hey.

My Gia-poo. - Hi, Marica.

- Hi, Gidget. - That's Gia.

- My bad.

Chris.

Chris.

Chris.

Yeah, you know Chris, don't you?

- How y'all doing?

(hip hop music)

- Oh my God, that's like my favorite song of all time.

Baby, pull us through, please, please.

- Anything for my Gia-boo.

- OK, let's go.

- Excuse me, but me and my baby is about to get pudding.

♪ Ain't through

♪ Number solo

♪ You're ringing my phone off the hook, take a look ♪

♪ Fools at, got 'em shook.

♪ If you're thinking about fucking with me, too ♪

♪ And sucking with me, too

♪ And what about doing like you ♪

♪ Good idea

- Nigga, you need to go check on the barbecue.

- Please.

Choking me the fuck out anyway.

♪ Hardwood floor, can't take it no more ♪

♪ Sorry, sorry, I got much game ♪

♪ Like the Nintendo, Playstation, fuck you ♪

♪ Call me, 1-800 Amazing

♪ I guess that means I'm number two black dad ♪

♪ I'm pimping at blood streams

♪ I force together in the club scene ♪

♪ Twice your ability

♪ Twice your utilities

♪ Now I'm a two trouble double girlfriend ♪

♪ You ain't feeling me

♪ What about this game that you claim at this barbecue ♪

♪ Platinum at nights

♪ Too deep, my watch be sparking you ♪

♪ Jumping in the sack, way back ♪

♪ There's a plane here

♪ Baby, you foxy, want to be fucking you like Pam Greer ♪

♪ The page nears

♪ Equal to making dove cry

♪ Hitting little splitting

♪ Have you ass scream in the mud slide ♪

♪ Two time ahead of you better the back drop ♪

♪ Don't want to be nothing unless your digits ♪

♪ Have my black box

♪ One two three four

♪ You ain't fucking me don't page me no more ♪

♪ One two three four

♪ I ain't fucking you unless you talking about dough ♪

♪ One two three four

♪ If you ain't fucking me don't page me no more ♪

♪ One two three four

♪ I ain't fucking you unless you talking about dough ♪

♪ Bad, bad, bad

♪ I want the cash

♪ And I know that nigga wants some ass ♪

♪ Want suck on these

♪ Better up the cheese

♪ So give me five carrots on a finger please ♪

♪ Take me to the mall and buy me Prada ♪

♪ And I'll tell my girls you're the real done dada ♪

♪ Lace me up, frosting me

- Ced, yo Ced.

Playing if you're down.

- Ceddy-poo, chicken fried delight totally on, let's do it.

- Y'all, I see you haven't gotten freaky,

or you would know that you ain't got a pass.

Any time he has to move his hips more than two minutes.

♪ Want to act like you was pressed ♪

♪ By I knew you play to win

♪ But all it took was one time for me to put it down ♪

(groovy music)

(chattering)

(laughing)

- I didn't know Buckwheat had a cousin.

Where you been hiding at all these years?

- Will you hand me a towel?

- Oh, you want a towel?

Or a relaxant?

- A towel, Cedric.

- Otay.

(laughing)

(chattering)

- Walk all over you like that?

Walk all over you like that.

- Excuse you.

- I said I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to bump you.

- Uh huh, you best be sorry.

- You better be sorry.

She walking away from you, Momo, get her.

(chattering)

(laughing)

♪ Yeah, I peep you over there in your platinum style home ♪

♪ Looking tight, no ghetto fab has got you all curious, baby ♪

♪ You ain't got to have a lot of money to be a black cat ♪

- Cedric. - Hi, what's up, bro?

You join the nation?

- Sure enough, my brother.

The most positive move I have ever made in my life.

Lookie here.

I want to give you your props on the shindig

that you have put together today, my brother.

Black folk coming together unite.

It's beautiful.

- Thanks, man.

- My only concern is the menu.

Say it isn't so that you're serving barbecued pork ribs.

Don't you know pork is like a drug killing black men?

Heart attacks, high blood pressure,

impotence, pre-ejaculation, car jacking,

gang violence, black on black crime,

all a result of eating pork.

So, Cedric, are you gonna contribute to the conspiracy,

by the white man, to bring down the black man,

by serving this shit the blue eyed devil calls pork?

- Yeah, well, actually, I was just in charge

of inviting the people.

Now, Jeter, he's in charge of the menu, he's the chef today,

so you might want to holla at him, you know,

he's right over there at the barbecue grill.

♪ Oh yes, feeling good, all so blessed ♪

♪ Today gonna be a good day, not settling for less ♪

♪ So when mom's getting up on that early morning stress ♪

♪ No sooner than she finished her lesson, I'm dressing ♪

♪ Ready to carry out

- Smoking that shit all the time, man.

Shit.

What the hell?

Get your shit before I burn it.

- You ain't ready yet, man?

How much longer? - You need to

tighten your shit up, sasquatch.

- Shouldn't worry about the Q. - You need to be worrying

about your moppy little head, OK?

(laughing)

I finally figured out why you all in crack.

- You pictured a basket birth?

- Except I won't break you off with none of this.

- You better get away from me.

- Man, fuck y'all.

Get away from me, you whatever you is.

- I don't know why you tripping, G,

you know you want me.

That's all right.

- Break with that bullshit.

- One two three four.

(chattering)

- Shit, man, no, no.

- Yo, Big Ned, wake up.

Big Ned, yo, Big Ned.

- What'd you do that for, Ced?

- Cause, your big ass wouldn't wake up.

Yo, I need y'all to get out the pool for a minute.

Ranesha want to get in.

- Well, that's cool, I got room for baby on the round.

- Man, she want to take a swim.

She can't do that with your big ol' ass sprawled out

like Shamu. - Come on, man,

I'm comfortable. - Come on, Big Ned, man.

Just for a little bit.

Yo, besides, dog, I think the house needs a wreck.

- For real?

(rapping with indistinct vocals)

- In order to rise as a people, we must be

on the same page, my brothers.

We must consume the same food, my brother.

A minimum of one bean pod a day is mandatory.

Brothers who are eating pork are contributing to

the conspiracy to bring down our people.

If you are eating pork, you must stop it.

That means you can't fuck around with no more ham.

No hamhock.

No chitlins.

No bacon.

And no more neck bone.

You must sever yourself from the pig completely.

- Hey, hey, hey.

Does that include Spam?

(smooth jazz music)

- Oh, it is a scorcher today.

It's hot in here.

Driver, slow this thing down.

Turn this music off.

I can't even hear myself think.

- Get off at the next exit.

I gotta pee.

- Look at the damn rocks.

- I ain't looking at anything right now,

but your black ass.

- Did you hear what I said?

I got to pee.

- Well, hold it, damn it, you got to wait.

I'm making record time.

Don't you fuck with my record.

- Did you hear what my sister said?

Stop at the next exit, let her use the bathroom.

- Hell no. - What's wrong with you, man?

- OK, if you don't get off now,

I'm gonna pee in your backseat.

♪ Hold me, squeeze me, and love me, too ♪

(urinating)

- What?

- Thank you.

- Shit.

Jabba the Butt strikes again.

(phone ringing)

- I told that bitch you was my man.

She better quit fucking with you.

And if I find out she's been there to visit you

since you been locked up, I'm gonna commit

to kicking that ass on both of y'all.

Hold on.

Hello. - Hello, may I speak

to Cedric, please? - Call back, bitch,

I'm talking to my man.

Hello.

I don't know, some old ho.

Nigga, I'm talking to you.

Hold on.

What? - What you doing

on my phone? - Yo, OK,

I got to go.

This ain't my phone.

I hear you, dog.

I'm off.

All right, I'll call you back.

Nigga, don't call me collect, peace.

(phone ringing)

- Momo, Momo.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

You smoked my good crystal.

What the hell's the matter with y'all,

don't y'all got any home training?

What you doing in the house, anyway,

I thought I told y'all to keep y'all ghetto asses out back.

- I don't do what the fuck you tell me to do.

I do what I want to do, nigga.

I'm Momo, you better recognize.

- Better recognize, she told you.

- This here's my house.

- Now I'm not sure who you might be hootchella,

Queen Hootchie, but y'all are the hootchie fucks

bow down to, but up in here, that don't mean shit.

- Kick his ass now, hit it.

- This gonna mean some shit is about to

go upside your head one time, nigga.

- Right. - Bring the noise, hootchella.

- Wait, wait.

(chattering)

Hold up, hold up.

Hold up, hold up.

Wait, before y'all start fighting,

let me set up some shit out back so y'all

can get your squab on.

And we gonna make bets.

My boy said, but I think I might have to go

with Momo right here.

All right. - You better bring

the best song, nigga, what what.

(chattering)

(hip hop music with indistinct vocals)

- That was good.

- That was it?

- [Cedric] What the hell is going on?

- We was boning.

And we now basking in the afterglow.

- Yo, get over here right now.

Yo, man, you ain't gonna be doing

the naked humpty dance in my house.

Y'all get dressed and take your asses out back

like everybody else.

And spray some Lysol, you got the whole hall

smelling like ass.

(ominous music)

- Cedric, make love to me. - Hell no.

- Please, Cedric, please. - Don't beg.

Keep your dignity and put some clothes on.

- Cedric. - Get your ass in there.

- Who are you talking to? - Oh, me?

Just talking to myself, you know how I be doing.

In the house, west side.

(laughing)

- Cedric, I need to talk to you.

- What's up?

- I just heard from a reliable source, ever since

we've been together, they've seen you with Kiki,

Michelle, and Regina. - What?

Girl, you can't be believing rumors.

Look, we're together now, and if we're gonna make it,

we gotta have trust.

OK, come here.

- You're right, I'm sorry for questioning.

I mean, it's not like I just caught you with a naked woman

in your bedroom.

One. - Gia.

- Two. - Yo, Gia.

- Three. - It's not what

it looks like. - Do I look like

Boo Boo the Fool? - Look.

Nothing happened. - That's why Shay

ain't got no clothes on.

And it smells like ass all up and down this hallway.

- It smell like ass because people keep

fucking in my guest rooms.

- You know what, Cedric?

I'm out of here.

- Gia.

Gia.

GG.

Gia.

What's wrong with you?

Damn.

(phone ringing)

Who dis? - Hey, this is your mama.

Yeah, I called earlier, some hellfire

called me a bitch and hung up on me.

Oh, they're getting along well.

Surprisingly well.

You know, we had to stop off and let Virginia

use the bathroom, I think something's wrong

with that girl's bladder.

Yeah, but she and Robin's getting along just fine, uh huh.

Yeah.

OK, now you take care and take care of everything

while I'm gone now because we trust you, OK?

All right.

Mama love you, all right?

OK, bye bye.

♪ How do I tell her that I miss her ♪

♪ And that I want her back

♪ Want her to come my way again ♪

♪ Man, I don't know

♪ Just don't know, man, what to do, what to do ♪

♪ Thinking back to better days

♪ And the way we used to be

♪ I reminisce, kissing your lips ♪

♪ Rubbing your hips, ecstasy

♪ Me for you, and you for me

♪ That's the way it went down

♪ And now you're not around

♪ I wonder why

- Damn.

I heard you had fine ass Shay in the bedroom

and you didn't even hit it.

- True dat, true dat, true dat.

- Oh, man, tell me the reason why you didn't

hit Shay is because you're still sprung

on that bitch Marica.

- Hey, don't call her no bitch.

And no, I'm not sprung on her.

- By the way them veins is bulging off your neck,

I'd say you jealous as a motherfucker right about now.

- Jealous of what?

That fool Alonzo?

Come on, man, that nigga look like

a broke ass Martin Lawrence.

(laughing)

- [Jeter] All right, man, see, we your boys,

you got to tell us something.

Shit, you didn't hit Gia, nor did you hit Shay.

And your ass is keeping that shit real secretive,

you ain't had no nana since you broke up

with that bitch Marica.

Either your ass is still sprung as a motherfucker,

or you just one of them gay type niggas.

- All right, man.

There's a reason why I didn't hit Shay earlier today.

I'm about to break it down for you guys.

- [Jeter] Let it be broke, motherfucker.

- [Cedric] You remember this morning when we was

chilling on the porch? - Oh, shit,

here comes fine ass Shay.

- What's up, Shay, hi, what you doing up here?

- Oh, she came to see me.

- I paged you last night, but you didn't call me back.

Why are you playing me?

- I'm not playing you, Shay.

I was gonna call you, but I've been busy.

I'm gonna call you.

- When? - Tonight.

- Tonight.

You're gonna call me tonight.

- I'm gonna call you tonight.

- You better.

- Man, sit down. - Nigga, is you crazy?

Nigga, you know who that is?

Ever since the fifth grade, nigga that's been

the MVP of the hood, most valuable pussy.

She up here trying to give it to you,

you up here acting like Bill Cosby shit like,

I don't want the booty, I don't want the booty,

give me the Jell-O pudding.

- What y'all ain't know is that I'd already

got them drawers a week ago.

(moaning)

What's my name, what's my name?

- Cedric.

Cedric.

- What is it?

What's my favorite shirt?

What?

What?

Who my favorite player?

- Kobe. - Kobe who?

- Kobe Bryant.

- I think I can, I know I can, I know I can, I know I can.

(howling)

(piano playing)

(humming)

(piano playing)

We did the freak nasty four days in a row.

But after each time, there was an odor,

stankiness in the air.

(R and B music with indistinct vocals)

Now, the stankiness turned out to be baby's panties.

They had skid marks the size of Compton.

♪ Nobody can resist

Now, there was dookie crumbs on the couch.

Dookie crumbs on my Jimmy.

Dookie crumbs in the hall.

Dookie crumbs on the wall.

There was enough shit in that house to make

a dookie pot pie.

I got my shit and I left.

So ever since I left Shay's house that day,

I never looked at her with a romantic eye again.

I mean, being the gentleman I am,

I never brought that shit up, no pun intended.

Sister, she been chalking.

Bringing me cookies, cupcakes, calling me every hour

on the hour, paging me 24 seven, the whole nine.

- That's deep, Ced.

I mean, I heard of some fine female

having some stank pussy, but I ain't never

heard of nothing like this.

- Man, please, let me tell you something.

A bitch that fine can shit on me and I'll still

eat the pussy, I'll be like.

(chattering)

Chewing it down.

- What's up with that big ass Kool-Aid smile, Delron?

- Man, I just got through tearing Latoya's ass up.

Chilling now.

Gave her one of them super sperms, man.

Made the girl go in convulsions and shit.

I was tearing it up, I was like.

I was like.

What, what, what.

Go to the ground.

- Man, please.

So damn whipped, it's pathetic.

- Man, I ain't whipped.

If anything, I got a sperm from tearing up that poonani.

- Look here, I ain't trying to start nothing,

but Craig told Jimmy that Bill told Clinton

that they told Latoya that you can't fuck.

- What? - Yeah, that's right.

She said fucking you was so boring she'd rather

have an enema.

At least she can feel that shit.

(laughing)

- Yo.

Looks like Latoya's still horny.

(whistling)

- Hey, I might have to go hit that shit there.

- Going after your business, going after your business.

- Dalmatian shirt ashy son of a bitch.

Hey look, y'all, I'm going back to the grill,

I'm gonna cook up some shit.

Have me another.

- Hurry your ass up, you're burning the food.

- Yo, G, can I sample something?

- Yo, use the food sparingly.

♪ Jump off the cliff

♪ Bungie with the get swift

♪ That's not a myth

♪ Well equipped

- I want to talk about our sex life.

(whispering)

Oh, come on, I know we've been doing it all the time,

but we really never talked about the matter.

So I guess I just want to confirm

what I already know, you know what I'm saying.

- No, I don't.

What are you saying, Delron?

- Like this morning.

When we was doing sex in house,

you know, when we was doing a booty bump butt naked,

did you come?

- Did I come? - Did you climax?

I mean, it's not a trick question, Latoya.

- This is a barbecue, Delron.

I don't think this is the time or place

to be talking about our sex life.

- Oh, come on, Latoya, I just want to confirm

what I already know.

- What is that?

- That I'm the greatest of all time.

- Did you want to know the truth?

- Yeah, I'm a man, you know, give it to me raw,

don't sugar coat the shit for me.

- No, I did not have an orgasm today.

- You didn't?

That's cool, you know, I mean, a man can't get off

all the time, you know what I'm saying?

Well, look, look, when we was in your cousin Violet's

bedroom bathroom floor, you came then, right?

Well, that goes to say, you know,

you best the pussy I've sure enough ever had,

I'm sure enough the best dick you've ever had, right, right?

Oh, shit, Latoya.

If I ain't the best dick you've ever had,

who in the hell is?

♪ Mercy, mercy, thirsty, thirsty ♪

That roly poly motherfucker?

You two were never an item.

- Look, before me and you got together,

Big Ned and I hooked up for a booty call.

That thing was bomb.

That was long, black, oh yeah.

- Hey, hey, hey, we can go without the play by play, OK,

thank you.

Out of all the motherfuckers a girl been with,

when does a nigga rank?

- Silly, let's not go there.

- No, we started this shit, now we're gonna finish it.

- All right, out of 28 lovers--

- You've been with 28 niggas?

- 25 niggas, one Puerto Rican and two Mexicans.

- Damn, that's a lot of motherfuckers.

- And I'd say you rank.

28.

But it's not like it's your fault.

I mean, you weren't given much to work with.

I mean, the first time I saw your dick

I said, "Damn, that shit looks like his naval."

But I mean, you know, Delron,

some I can handle, places, I know.

It just ain't working for me, babe.

It's cute, though.

It works, for you.

(hip hop music with indistinct vocals)

(crying)

- What's your problem, D?

- Trying to come to terms with being handicapped, dude.

- What you talking about?

- My dick, Ced, it's as small as

a motherfucking quarter, man.

- Man, Latoya just fucking with your head, man,

I'm sure your shit ain't that small.

- Come over here and look at it.

- Nigga, I'm not trying to look at your dick.

- You're supposed to be my road dog, man.

My partner.

I need you, Ced.

I don't want you to touch this dick,

I just want you to look at it.

Damn.

(crying)

Come here.

- Damn, nigga, where the rest of it?

Chill, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill, man,

hey, hey, hey, don't think of it as little,

think of it as petite, it's petite.

You got a petite dick.

- Man, there's probably a gang of three year olds

running around with a dick bigger than mine.

I got to pay my heirs, man.

Let me see your dick, man.

- What, nigga, I'm not letting you see my dick.

- Let me see your motherfucking dick.

- Delron, Delron, Delron, Delron, man.

Snap out of it, dude.

It's not the end of the world.

Huh.

Shit, man.

There's a gang of women out there who like brothers

with petite dicks.

I mean, I don't know any of them,

but I'm sure they're out there.

Huh?

Yo, yo, yo, quit acting like a punk.

Take this shit like a man.

I mean, look at Muzzy Bones, he didn't let being short

stop him from balling, and I'm sure he don't

let it stop him from fucking.

Anyways, man, don't even trip,

because there's penile enlargement places

that can help you.

I mean, I don't know if your dick gonna be like silicone

like some titties and shit,

but it might be something you want to look into.

D, D, D, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, look, look, D,

the best way to get over an old love, is to find a new love.

So get yourself together, pull your pants up,

and commit to macking, because there's a game

of booty out back.

Ghetto, dark chocolate booty.

Caramel booty, vanilla booty.

Hood rat booty, hootchie bootie, bootchie booty,

any flavor bootie you craving, it's out back.

All kind of ass, man.

- You're right, you're right, you're right, Ced.

Thanks, man.

- Hey, man, don't be trying to give me no loving

with your pants down.

(crying)

(hip hop music)

Yo, what you doing in my room, G?

- Oh, what's happening, man?

Shit.

Nigga, I had a little bit too much to drink.

I got to lay down and get a nap.

- OK.

(sniffing)

You was boning in my room, wasn't you?

Damn, man, ain't a nigga's bed sacred no more?

- All these bitches out here,

you know I had to pull me some.

I was horny as a motherfucker.

Come on, man.

- All right, man.

- You know me, right.

Shit. - I ain't gonna player hate.

Play on, playa.

(laughing)

So what's up?

Don't keep a nigga in suspense.

Which one of them fine bitties did you pull?

Don't tell me, it was the one in the leopard G string bikini

with that long weave come down to the ass,

sort of look like a poor man's Tyra Banks.

- Yeah, yeah. - Or was it that

thick red boned sister with the big old butt

and them daisy dukes, ass look like it's doing something.

- Yeah, you know.

- Hurry up and get back in here boy,

so we can go for round two.

- Damn.

- Ew.

You on Lecrea?

- Come on, man, I got desperate, all right?

I had no pussy in so long, man,

I thought my dick was gonna fall off.

OK?

Keep this shit on the downlow, man.

Don't tell nobody.

- All right, man.

I ain't gonna tell nobody.

- Don't tell nobody.

♪ I could do it better than you and ♪

♪ You'll never work it better than me and ♪

♪ If you wanna wanna

♪ Baby baby

♪ Don't be saying that it's all gravy ♪

♪ I ain't tripping because I know I'll be the baddest ♪

♪ Pure chocolate on the scene with the status ♪

♪ I be the black mattress

♪ Throw like a Slinky wrapped around my ♪

♪ It's competition

- What? - Hey, yo, Ced, man,

why you tell everybody?

- I ain't tell everybody.

I told Big Ned and he told everybody.

Anyway, man, how long until the Q is ready?

People are starting to complain that they hungry.

- About 20 minutes.

Look, man, we out of cups, we ain't got no more plates.

What are we gonna do, eat off your mama's china?

- Hell no, these niggas done broke up enough shit already.

I just make a run to the store.

- All right.

- How much longer for the barbecue?

- About 20 minutes.

- Oh, man, OK.

Anything?

- Nope.

- I know some of them chicken and turkey, right?

- No, all we got is bad shit,

the kind of shit clog up your arteries,

have you dying like a motherfucker.

- I'm starving and everything, but I'm not about

to eat that junk.

I'm gonna have to go to the store.

- Hey, Ced, while you go to the store,

why don't y'all roll together?

- Why don't you get me some turkey?

- No.

- Punk.

(tense music)

- I had no luck with the markets in my hood.

So I was forced to go to the boy's market on

the other side of the tracks.

♪ You know you love my stuff

♪ Don't make me huff and puff

♪ I got you feeling stuck

♪ You just can't get enough

♪ You know you love my stuff

♪ Don't make me huff and puff

♪ With the words I manifest

♪ I could break your chest with no contest ♪

♪ I must confess I leave the microphone blessed ♪

♪ Respect, versatile, getting wild with this style ♪

♪ Meanwhile, your earhole is in my total control ♪

♪ I'm representing from HI to HP ♪

♪ You know the D

♪ West end of south side

♪ Where hustlers hide

♪ Making money

♪ I'm so laying low with the honey ♪

♪ Holding down the fort with a three two court ♪

♪ Yo, yo

♪ I be a quarter of the dollar

♪ A quarter after that

♪ I'm on the track

♪ With a collar on the crooked scholar ♪

♪ Searching my brain for an answer ♪

♪ Play and seek and find

♪ In their mind

(engine sputtering)

- Well, well, well.

You need to borrow a token?

(honking)

- Kiss the blackest part of my ass, Cedric.

- What happened?

Even though you acting salty, I'm still gonna

help you out, because that's the kind of gentleman I am.

Pop the hood.

Try to start this old raggedy ass hoopty up.

(engine starting)

- Thanks for fixing my ride, but you need not flex

that little bird chest.

It's kind of scary.

- Oh, I see.

Even though a brother help you out, you still gonna try

to clown, treat me like a motherfucking joke?

- Yep.

(hip hop music)

Come on, Cedric, get in.

I mean, I can give you a ride back to your crib.

That's the least I could do since you did fix my wheels.

Oh, come on, man, you're making me feel bad.

- You ought to.

I get under hood and get all greasy

and sweaty for your ass and in return

all you do is clown a brother about his chest?

You know I'm sensitive about my chest.

I be doing two or three push-ups a night

trying to get my shit tight.

Ain't my fault I got high metabolism

so that shit don't work.

- All right, I'm sorry, OK?

What's with you?

You know, I do know you're sensitive about

your chest and everything.

- Lucky I was in a good mood.

I could have clowned you about your trouble spots.

- What trouble spots?

- Like that thing that sits above your eyebrows,

the size of a watermelon.

- My forehead?

- Your eight head.

Because it's about twice the size

of the average motherfucker.

Don't get me started about that big ass mouth,

because with all that lipstick on,

it closely resembles a baboon's ass.

- OK, Cedric, OK, I got the point.

Now do you want a ride or not?

- Not. - Fine.

♪ Intro number solo

♪ You're ringing my phone off the hook ♪

♪ Take a look

♪ Who's that, got 'em shook

♪ Get you thinking about fucking with me, too ♪

♪ And sucking with me, too

♪ And what about doing my crew

♪ Good idea, man I swear

♪ You ain't prepared for this here ♪

♪ Somebody tossing flossing ass cracks ♪

♪ Like G straps hung in the back ♪

♪ I got thunder and tracks

♪ Kicking my ball sacks

♪ What we here for on the hardwood floor ♪

♪ You can't take it no more

♪ Sorry, sorry

♪ I got much game like a Nintendo, PlayStation ♪

♪ Fuck you, call me 1-800 Amazing ♪

♪ I'm a two black guy

♪ Pimping the blood streams

♪ I force together

♪ In the club scene

♪ Twice your ability

♪ Twice your utilities

♪ Number two

♪ Double trouble girlfriend

♪ You ain't feeling me

- [Marica] Cedric, you need to get in the car.

This is hoo banger territory.

This out of the six o'clock, OK?

- What?

I ain't no punk, Marica.

I ain't scared of no hoo bangers.

(hip hop music)

(engine sputtering)

- Damn.

Get up and go look up under my hood.

- I ain't getting out the car in this neighborhood.

I mean, because my thigh.

It's like cramping.

- Yeah, right.

(barking)

(zapping)

I don't know why you got all that trash.

All it does is play sisters.

- I buy it for the articles,

it stimulates my mind.

- Yeah, right.

Something get stimulated, but it definitely ain't your mind.

You know what, if Chris was here,

not only would be carrying my groceries,

he would have bought 'em.

- That's because Chris is a punk.

- No, that's because Chris is a gentleman.

And you a jackass.

- Whatever. - Yeah, whatever.

♪ You try to catch me

♪ Baby

♪ You try to stretch me

♪ Yeah baby

♪ You try to catch me

♪ Baby

♪ You try to stretch me

(chattering)

- Momo, why don't you take your low budget ass

back to the projects and leave us the fuck alone?

- No he did not try to clown me in front of my girl.

(chattering)

- Fuck you.

- Fuck me? - Fuck you.

- Nigga, you about to get yourself fucked.

- What?

What? - You ain't call

my mom a bitch, don't tell me he called my mama a bitch.

- Fuck you.

- My mother a bitch, what?

You know what?

I got something for y'all ass

and your motherfucking.

(chattering)

- Shit.

- Don't they know fools get capped for shit like that?

Nigga, you done lost your motherfucking mind.

You don't know who the fuck I am, do you?

(shooting)

♪ Try to catch me

♪ Baby, take off your pants

♪ You try to out stretch me

♪ Yeah, baby, I'm worth the chance ♪

♪ You try to catch me

♪ Baby, take off your pants

♪ You try to out stretch me

♪ Yeah, baby, I'm worth the chance ♪

♪ Off the hinges when I'm finished ♪

♪ You must run and teach the camel ♪

♪ Got you open from the stroking ♪

♪ And just with a little sample ♪

♪ All the ways I can make you run ♪

♪ Chasing me up the block with guns ♪

♪ Play with the hot dog, got the bun ♪

♪ I'm the gingerbread man

♪ I'm number one

♪ Too quick to catch

♪ I got game you can't mack me

♪ Your stuff and go

♪ Must have been told

♪ You can't trap me

♪ What's the matter, don't like the chase ♪

♪ Want to put scratch marks in my face ♪

♪ Try to be a joker play the ace ♪

♪ Catch by the K stead

♪ Do the chase

♪ Too fast for you

♪ And you won't play me

♪ Got 20 niggas and got the nerve to page me ♪

♪ Black cat don't fall

♪ Don't like it when you play pretend ♪

♪ So put on your running shoes

♪ Baby and let these games begin ♪

♪ I'm a guy who got game

♪ And who got houses

♪ You can have all that

♪ But don't be using your blouses ♪

♪ That's what a brother try to run ♪

♪ Hurry, hurry, girl, go Mr. Fun ♪

♪ If you want to spread for the rent, you're done ♪

♪ You chase me, I don't chase you, I'm done ♪

♪ You try to catch me

♪ Baby, take off your pants

♪ You try to out stretch me

♪ Yeah, baby, I'm worth the chance ♪

♪ You try to catch me

♪ Baby, take off your pants

♪ You try to outstretch me

♪ Yeah, baby, I'm worth the chance ♪

♪ You try to catch me

♪ Baby, take off your pants

♪ You try to outstretch me

♪ Yeah, baby, I'm worth the chance ♪

♪ You try to catch me

♪ Baby, take off your pants

♪ You try to outstretch me

♪ Yeah, baby, I'm worth the chance ♪

♪ You try to catch me

(barking)

(yelling)

- My ass.

Get out, go, get your shit, get out.

All you black bastards, get out of my house.

Oh, nice ass, you can stay, no, fuck that,

get your ass out, get out.

You teared up my shit, you black, get out.

(chirping)

(knocking)

Come in.

- Damn, you look tired.

- Guess after eating all that Q,

niggaitis finally kicked in.

- I know what you mean.

It's kicking my butt, too.

- Yeah, well, you really threw down.

Especially for someone who claims not to eat pork.

- Man.

I ate so much today, man, I could have ate

a pig's bladder, you know what I'm saying?

(laughing)

(romantic music)

You know what?

I just wanted to say thanks.

- For what?

- For looking out for me today.

I mean, there was a lot of times you could have left me.

And you didn't.

And it's nice to know you still care.

- Here you go.

- What's this?

- It's your money back, plus your cut

of the profits from the Q.

I was gonna rip you off, but after that tender moment,

I kind of felt bad taking advantage of you.

♪ I cried about you and I

♪ The thought crossed my mind

♪ You changed

♪ Besides

♪ So

(moaning)

- You the man.

Don't move.

Don't move.

(phone ringing)

- Who this?

- Hey, this your mama.

We're down here at the donut,

and I was calling to see if you wanted some.

- I didn't know they had donuts in old town.

- No, boy, we ain't in old town,

we're down the street from the house.

Did you want a donut?

♪ You try to catch me

♪ Baby, take off your pants

♪ You try to out stretch me

♪ Damn, baby, I'm worth the chance ♪

♪ You try to catch me

♪ Baby, take off your pants

♪ You try to out stretch me

♪ Damn, baby, I'm worth the chance ♪

♪ Our behaviors run up in this

♪ You more sprung than Campbell ♪

♪ Got you working from the stroke ♪

(chattering)

(laughing)

- So, how was the wedding?

- Oh, the wedding was beautiful.

But how was things around here?

- Oh, everything was cool around here, you know, just--

- The house looks fine, son, very nice.

(laughing)

- Yeah, so can we go get that little Jeep

we talked about before you left?

- You know, I'm proud of you, son.

Yeah, we can pick up that Jeep a little later on.

First, me and your mama gonna go take a nap in the shower.

Run around all day long with that crazy ass

Jabba the Butt.

You know I hate the damn Star Wars.

- Hey, hey, hey, I'll get it, I'll get it.

You've been driving all day, you're tired, sit down.

Get this.

(romantic music)

D.

What the fuck?

- Get on up there.

- Homie, Shay broke me off a little bit.

She didn't even care if I had a petite dick.

Man, she say me crying and she said she needed a man

that was sensitive.

- Nigga, get your naked asses up out of here.

My parents is downstairs.

Jackass.

(tense music)

(chattering)

- All you do is nag, nag, nag, nag, nag.

(chattering)

What you doing boy?

- Oh, I was just giving y'all a turn down.

Check it, check it.

Skittle.

OK, I'm gonna get out of here so y'all can take a nap.

But first, I want you to see what I did to the bathroom,

to welcome you home.

(chattering)

Look to the left of the toilet.

It's two ply.

(hip hop music)

(laughing)

- I don't know what you up to, but at least you

cleaned the bathroom.

- The whole house going crazy.

(smashing)

- What was that noise, Cedric? - I'm sure it was

probably nothing, you kids get some rest,

and I'll go check it out.

- Robin, didn't I tell you about eating in this bed?

There are crumbs everywhere.

- I told you, I don't eat in bed.

- Well, I haven't been eating in the bed,

and you're the only other person sleeping in it.

You had to do it.

- I haven't had nothing in this bed since 1976,

when I ate your ass.

What the hell?

- Who the hell are those, 'cause they sure ain't mine.

- We know they ain't yours, shit.

You couldn't get a finger in these,

much less your big ass.

Whoever it is, they need to wipe their ass.

Cedric.

♪ I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake, shake, shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way, I like the way, I like the way ♪

♪ I like the way, I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ Freak nasty

♪ Wouldn't be caught with the booty getting past me ♪

♪ 2000 zero zero just had me

♪ Shake that ass, shake that ass for daddy ♪

♪ My nail top down creeping up real slow ♪

♪ Another ass all good to go

♪ See that body, got my eyes open ♪

♪ Please stop, shake that ass over here on my block ♪

♪ Having fantasies

♪ See you shaking that ass in the Q like you don't care ♪

♪ I'm addicted to your attitude ♪

♪ I ain't trying to be rude

♪ But that booty got me in the mood ♪

♪ I guess it only take a little time ♪

♪ Between the weed and the wine ♪

♪ Something about that ass got me blind ♪

♪ So come and stand right in front of me ♪

♪ Turn around, shake, shake, shake that ass ♪

♪ Til a nigga leave

♪ I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake, shake, shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way, I like the way, I like the way ♪

♪ I like the way, I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ Freak nasty

♪ Wouldn't be caught with a booty getting passed me ♪

♪ 2000 zero zero just had me

♪ Shake that ass, shake that ass for daddy ♪

♪ I carry heartbreak

♪ My baby mama tore it up

♪ My man's watching, I love it when she throw it up ♪

♪ Teardrop, I used to cry heavily ♪

♪ Now I'm at the Q with a thick ass ahead of me ♪

♪ H dub, hit me with a six pack ♪

♪ She got ass, I love the way the tits stack ♪

♪ I got pain but she keeps bouncing ♪

♪ Mountains, thanks, girl

♪ Pop the butt, I love the way you're bouncing ♪

♪ She got more body than a '99 Mustang ♪

♪ Chasing the dream, but a cat can't sweat ♪

♪ Ned telling you lies like Debra Ka ♪

♪ I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake, shake, shake that ass ♪

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way you shake it

♪ I like the way, I like the way, I like the way ♪

♪ I like the way, I like the way you shake that ass ♪

♪ Freak nasty

♪ Wouldn't be caught with a booty getting passed me ♪

♪ 2000 zero zero just had me

♪ Shake that ass, shake that ass for daddy ♪

♪ Shake that ass, shake that ass, shake it ♪

♪ It's big, can you take it for real ♪

♪ Don't fake it, bounce, bounce ♪

♪ As we roll in my house

♪ Down, blazing too

♪ A whole ounce, big booty

♪ Come sit down on my couch

♪ Do it to me

♪ Screw me, truly

♪ Barbecue on the grill

♪ Press on my chest, one two, mic check ♪

♪ Got all it's here between your blue jeans ♪

♪ Peep the scene

♪ Lost in your saw

♪ Stuck in your butt

♪ Up in your butt

(hip hop music)

♪ How y'all feeling out there

♪ Versatile, red eye, Jedi

♪ Getting busy

♪ I'm in the studio, you know what I mean ♪

♪ RSVP production, getting big

♪ For 98, how you feeling

♪ Sneak a butter finger

♪ Jump off the cliff

♪ Bungee with the get swift

♪ Fact's not a myth

♪ Well equipped eject

♪ East nine is my

♪ I'm focused on a vision

♪ Reflected in a prism

♪ Effects of realism

♪ Off of who's the figure

♪ Take a picture

♪ Remember ever clever verbal on the curve ♪

♪ Popping herbal smoke flash

♪ And finesse from the chest

♪ No rest, I relax, when stress is less ♪

♪ I confess, hey

♪ Yes, yes, y'all

♪ Kick the ball over the moon, supernova ♪

♪ Quasar maneuver

♪ Moving record literal display ♪

♪ In 3D degree we check one two three ♪

♪ For infinity

♪ Propelling history

♪ Futuristic and majestic

♪ Publicly elected cassettes

♪ On sale for retail with e-mail ♪

♪ From my crib in Brazil

♪ How we feel

♪ Sneak a butter finger

♪ Oh, Hershey's

♪ Mercy, mercy

♪ And never thirsty

♪ Satisfied from inside

♪ Like candy in the wrapper

(laughing)

♪ Yeah, I peep you over there

♪ In your platinum style home

♪ Look inside

♪ No, ghetto fab's got you all curious baby ♪

♪ But you ain't got to have a lot of money ♪

♪ To be a black cat, you know what I'm saying ♪

♪ Get over here in this Q girl

♪ Get over in this Q

♪ Getting with you ain't easy

♪ Nose up when you see me

♪ Just because I whistled at you, you think I'm sleazy ♪

♪ I'm in your hood but my thug life made you can't compete ♪

♪ With your mobile phone, page

♪ You need a player with a navigator ♪

♪ That's page

♪ I need a partner in this card game ♪

♪ Who got spades

♪ We parlay, we partake

♪ With a cartay, a backyard barbecue ♪

♪ Bumping on Sharday

♪ You like to eat a spigle

♪ Drive a platinum Tahoe

♪ But babe, we can get towed down to this bottle ♪

♪ Attracting the strong

♪ But baby girl, we play in the pool ♪

♪ But don't let your cardiac get in the way ♪

♪ Of a fling in the summer

♪ Don't care about the hummer

♪ All I want is barbecue, volleyball ♪

♪ And your number

♪ Only stars I ever see are flowing with gun ♪

♪ You better come down to earth ♪

♪ And get some corn on the cob

♪ Come on

♪ You don't have to be a star, baby ♪

♪ Come on, come on

♪ To be in my

♪ You don't have to be a star, baby ♪

♪ You don't have to be a star, baby ♪

♪ To be in my show

♪ Sexy fabulous

♪ Can I make you miss

♪ Candy kiss your lips

♪ Lace your fingers with chips

♪ Be my lady

♪ For you I be mister mister

♪ My last name will form

♪ Major game, versatile

♪ Alias, buck wild, I free style ♪

♪ Low key player

♪ To be your only man

♪ Plain and simple

♪ Want to be in like a dimple

♪ Eyes reflect my physical frame ♪

♪ Ease the pain

♪ Softly caress the parts of your body ♪

♪ That I know the best

♪ Hold your breath at night

♪ And shining armor

♪ Princess fly right out the beauty parlor ♪

♪ Holla holla

♪ Got no dough so to me still delicate ♪

♪ Chocolate on

♪ We talk on the phone

♪ It turns me on

♪ Not bars or the cars

♪ You don't got to be a star for me ♪

♪ Uh uh

♪ You don't have to be a star, baby ♪

♪ To be in my show

♪ You don't have to be a star, baby ♪

♪ To be in my show

♪ How do I tell her that I miss her ♪

♪ And that I want her back

♪ Want her to come my way again ♪

♪ Man, I don't know

♪ Just don't know, man, what to do, what to do ♪

♪ Thinking back to better days

♪ And the way we used to be

♪ I reminisce

♪ Kissing your lips

♪ Rubbing your hips

♪ Ecstasy, me for you and you for me ♪

♪ That's the way it went down

♪ And now you're not around, I wonder why ♪

♪ Why why why why

♪ Looking up to the sky

♪ As the birds fly by

♪ Thinking what to say for you to come my way ♪

♪ Yesterday I was in love

♪ Now today

♪ I'm all alone

♪ Maybe tomorrow will bring an end ♪

♪ To the pain and sorrow

♪ Can I take back the things I said ♪

♪ Things I did

♪ You got me wide open like a cup with no lid ♪

♪ Can I say to you I'm sorry

♪ Accept my apology

♪ I would do anything for you to acknowledge me ♪

♪ Don't be so cold

♪ So cold

♪ This ain't the end of the road ♪

♪ We got time to fix it

♪ And can I please come and visit ♪

♪ Your friends are telling me that your number's unlisted ♪

♪ With all them new digits

♪ What I got to do

♪ Hey, boo, I'm looking for you ♪

♪ I miss your snuck fit

♪ And I never want to quit feeling it ♪

♪ Remember way back, way back

♪ We can still have that

♪ We can still have that