Original subtitles

[male announcer] And now, here they are!

The most daredevil group of daffy drivers

to ever whirl their wheels in the "Wacky Races."

Competing for the title

of the World's Wackiest Racer.

The cars are approaching the starting line.

First is the Turbo Terrific driven by Peter Perfect.

Next, Rufus Ruff Cut and Sawtooth in the Buzzwagon.

Maneuvering for a position is the Army Surplus Special.

Right behind is The Anthill Mob in their Bulletproof Bomb.

And there is ingenious inventor Pat Pending

in his Convert-A-Car.

Oh, here's the lovely Penelope Pitstop

the glamour gal of the gas pedal.

Next, we have the Boulder Mobile

with the Slag brothers, Rock and Gravel.

Lurching along is the Creepy Coupe

with the Gruesome Twosome

and right on their tail is the Red Max.

And there's the Arkansas Chuggabug

with Luke and Blubber Bear.

Sneaking along last is that Mean Machine

with those double-dealing do-badders

Dick Dastardly and his sidekick, Muttley.

And even now they're up to some dirty trick.

And they're off...

...to a standing start. And why not?

They've been chained to a post by shifty Dick Dastardly

who shifts into the wrong gear.

And away they go on the way-out "Wacky Races!"

[male announcer] And there they go on another wild and wacky race.

And it promises to be an exciting one

as the Wacky Racers...

...Race To Racine.

The Arkansas Chuggabug is steaming along in first place.

The Slag Brothers are second but seem to be in trouble.

[both coughing]

[mumbling]

[mumbling]

Boom

[mumbling]

- Backfired! - And how!

Hey, Blubber, smells like something's burning.

Yeow!

[sighs]

[male announcer] So with the Slag Brothers

and the Arkansas Chuggabug temporarily out of action

the charming Penelope Pitstop takes the lead.

But here comes Dick Dastardly, the bad boy of the backstretch.

I'm a cur on the curves, too. Ha ha ha.

[snickering]

Alright, Muttley, let's give Penelope

the phony publicity pitch.

[mumbling]

Heavens to Betsy! It's a photographer.

[mumbling]

You wanna take some publicity pictures

of lil' old me?

[mumbling]

Oh, how sweet. Go ahead, shoot.

Oh, who turned out the lights?

I can't see a lil' old thing.

[snickering]

[tires screeching]

I better stop until those lil' old spots go away.

[Dick Dastardly] Ha ha ha.

[male announcer] And so the villainous Dick Dastardly takes the lead.

But here comes Professor Pat Pending

and he's determined to pass the double zero.

My dry-land torpedo will make him change his mind.

Oh oh, a torpedo! This calls for magno-power.

Curses! What a revolting turn of events.

It's gaining on us, Muttley. You drive, I'm going to jump.

Geronimo!

I never thought I'd see the day when

I'd be glad to give somebody my seat.

Thud

Sunday driver!

Oh, boy, am I lucky.

Boom

thud

[snickering]

[male announcer] Back at the race, Peter Perfect runs into a bit of trouble.

Oh my goodness! A cat!

[tires screeching]

[cat shrieking]

Oh, well, there's a lot to be said for compact cars, you know.

[rattling]

[male announcer] While the Army Surplus Six

tries to outflank The Ant Hill Mob

Dick Dastardly, back in the race

tries some rearguard action.

What say we mix up that mixed-up sergeant

more than he already is, Muttley?

[mumbling]

[snickering]

Hey, what's going on?

Private Meekley, why are you heading in the wrong direction?

We're supposed to go that way.

Ha ha ha. It worked.

He doesn't know which way is up.

Turn this popcorn popper around

and head it in the right direction.

Okay, sarge. You're the boss.

That's better. Forward march.

Here he comes.

So long, sarge.

Give my regards to everyone back at the starting line.

Ha ha ha.

[snickering]

What's the matter with those racers?

Don't they know they're headin' in the wrong direction?

You tell them, sarge. Everybody's out of step but us.

[male announcer] With the Army Surplus Six advancing to the rear

Dick Dastardly now schemes to eliminate

The Ant Hill Mob from the race.

It's going to take an inside job to crack that Mob, Muttley.

As soon as you get inside their car, gain their confidence

and then, whambo, sabotage! Ha ha ha.

Looks like we got this race in the bag, you guys.

As soon as we get the prize, we'll split it seven ways.

- Seven? - Yeah, seven.

There's seven of us, ain't there?

You better count again, boss.

Huh? Two, four, six, seven, eight.

Hey, who are you?

[snickering]

Oh, yeah. Smiley O'Toole.

Okay, it's an eight-way split

but first we gotta shake that creep, Dick Dastardly.

Take care of it, Smiley.

Who, me?

[snickering]

Attaboy, Muttley. Let 'em have it.

[mumbling]

Oh, no!

Boom

And after giving him the worse years of my life!

Where did I go wrong?

[male announcer] Penelope Pitstop in car number five

is finally back on the right track.

And boy, is she burning it up!

Penelope's passing everybody like they're standing still

and takes the lead away from The Ant Hill Mob.

Sorry, boys, but it's every little ol' gal for herself.

[male announcer] Car number seven shifts to getaway power.

Okay, you guys, on the double!

[male announcer] And The Ant Hill Mob is out in front again.

Nice work, fellas.

With only a few miles to go to the finish line at Racine

the drivers give it all they've got.

It's still a nip-and-tuck affair though.

Oh, Dastardly is back in the race again and coming up fast!

You bet.

And I'm going to slow down the others

by using my most despicable trick.

[Dick Dastardly] I'm going to use slow-motion gas.

Blast off, Muttley.

[gas hissing]

[Dick Dastardly] Great work, Muttley.

So long, slowpokes. Ha ha ha.

[snickering]

[male announcer] Now, it's Dick Dastardly in first place.

Looks like he's got the race in the bag.

Yes, only 500 yards to go.

Now, if our gas just holds out.

We got enough gas, Muttley?

[mumbling]

Not slow motion gas. I mean...

[gas hissing]

Oh, no!

Now you've slowed us down, too!

[male announcer] Here they come, roaring toward the finish line

at a blazing five miles an hour.

And it's...

...number two, the Creepy Coupe creeping in

to take first place.

Number one, The Slag Brothers barely make it across

the line to take second place.

And Professor Pat Pending

in car number three comes in third.

Oh, boy, what a wacky race this has been.

Muttley, you dumb-dumb. Can't you do anything right?

[gas hissing]

Nincompoop.

[snickering]

[male announcer] And here they are, folks.

Lined up for the Carlsbad or Bust Bash.

[snickering]

The double zero is already a full car length

ahead of the other Wacky Racers

and the race hasn't even started.

It's the racer's edge, you know. Ha ha ha.

[male announcer] But now, the racers are warming up their cars...

mwah

...for the hottest race ever.

Contact!

[gunshot]

They're off!

Dastardly, why aren't you starting?

I'll catch up with them at the first pit stop.

[snickering]

[male announcer] The Convert-A-Car takes the lead

followed by the Creepy Coupe in second spot

and The Ant Hill Mob moving into third.

What's that pile of straw doing in the middle of the road?

crash

Some of the racers have fallen into a deep pit.

Oh, so that's the pit stop Dastardly meant.

Oh, what a low trick!

Ha ha ha.

[snickering]

About 50 feet low. Ha ha ha.

Now we'll just drive over the top of the heap!

Oh, no! They're out of the pit.

Crash

Drat!

[snickering]

[male announcer] Here they come into the first lap of today's race.

The Compact Pussycat, number five, is in the lead

leaving the others to bite the dust.

[coughing]

Is anything wrong, Penny?

It sure is, sugar. My nose is shiny.

[coughing]

It must be snowing.

[male announcer] There go cars two, seven, eight, three, one, nine.

Bingo!

And Dick Dastardly sailing along in the last place.

[Dick Dastardly] Got to save gas.

[male announcer] Going full throttle down the Go-Back-Gulch Road

Penelope Pitstop is headed straight for a hairpin curve.

Hairpin? That's just what I need.

The Slag Brothers are right behind her in second place.

And Luke in the Chuggabug is...

...sleep-driving in for third. But wait.

Here comes Peter Perfect in the Turbo Terrific

using triple wheel power!

[mumbling]

Howdy do, Miss Penny?

Oh, my.

[male announcer] The Turbo Terrific has just flown into first place.

What a car! You never let me down.

Oh, shucks.

[male announcer] The wacky beat goes on

as the racers head for Carlsbad Cavern.

And here comes last and least, Dick Dastardly.

Not for long, Boopie.

It's mean-man ship time.

The long arm of the outlaw should do the dirty trick.

[Dick Dastardly] This is a hot one.

[whimpering]

Ain't nothing to get all steamed up about, Blubber.

Drat! Muttley, you forgot to Sanforize the car!

[male announcer] Thanks to a helping hand from Dastardly

the Chuggabug has just jetted past the pack

and takes over the lead.

The Buzzwagon is chewing up the road for second place.

The Boulder Mobile is bashing ahead for third spot

followed by the Creepy Coupe, a hot contender for fourth.

Uh-oh. What scheme is Dick Dastardly hatching now?

Ha ha ha.

A little foul play on those birds.

"'Danger. Bridge out."'

That ought to stop 'em.

♪ La-dee-dee-di-da-dadda-da ♪

Uh, why aren't you racing?

Look at the sign. The bridge is out.

[Dick Dastardly] 'Yeah, I put it there. Ha ha ha.

So long, losers.

[male announcer] Dastardly's dirty deed paid off.

He's in first place.

Dirty deeds do it every time. Ha ha ha.

[tires screeching]

Quick, Muttley. Hop in.

And away we go.

Those chuckle heads sure fell

for that old "bridge-out" sign trick.

Say, what are you doing with that sign?

I just saw it back there on the road.

[mumbling]

What? The bridge is out!

[tires screeching]

Splash

[snickering]

[mumbling]

[male announcer] Even with the bridge out, the Wacky Racers prove once again...

...they're wacky.

splash

Professor Pat Pending has taken the lead now

with The Anthill Mob water skiing

into a bumpy second.

Timber!

Thud

[male announcer] The Buzzwagon just bridged the stream for third place

followed by the rest of the Wacky Racers.

Meanwhile, Dick Dastardly is slowly floating downstream.

Drat this raft!

It's too slow, but we'll still win, Muttley.

Look! We'll sneak along the Sneaky snakey River

and slither ahead of everyone.

Hey, Muttley, paddle faster. We're speeding up.

Speeding up?

[gasps]

My brakes must be wet!

Splash

Anyway, Muttley, this shortcut will get us to Carlsbad Cavern

ahead of those other dumb-dumbs.

Would you look at that, Peter?

I've never seen so many lil' old tunnels.

[Peter Perfect] And only one of them leads to the finish line.

We better start exploring.

We must be inside Carlsbad Cavern.

Keep looking for the exit, Muttley.

Bang

thud

[mumbling]

Me friend.

Muttley, I think he wants to be our friend.

I can use him to stop the other racers.

Friend. Friend.

[snickering]

Friend. Friend.

[mumbling]

[male announcer] Leaving Dastardly with his newfound friend

we find the Wacky Racers

looking for an exit from Carlsbad Cavern.

Hark. I hear those Wacky Racers coming.

[Dick Dastardly] Quick, nitty Gritty, let them have it.

Friend. Friend.

[male announcer] Here comes the Convert-A-Car in the lead.

Look out, Professor.

That boulder is headed right for you!

How about an eight boulder in the corner tunnel?

That boulder. It's headed back for us.

[male announcer] Taking leave of Dick Dastardly, we rejoin the race.

And here they come

streaking out of Carlsbad Cavern

heading for the finish line.

Penelope Pitstop is in the lead.

Red Max is closing fast.

And the Slag Brothers are moving into third.

And at the finish line, car number five

the Compact Pussycat is the winner!

Red Max, in number four, noses into second place

and the Boulder Mobile, number one, is a smashing third.

All the Wacky Racers have finished except...

...Dick Dastardly.

There he is, behind the eight ball.

I hope we find our way out of here

in time for the next Wacky Race.

[snickering]

[male announcer] And they're off again! The Wacky Race goes on and on.

Each driver determined to win, maneuvering for position

looking for the opening that will put him in the lead.

The Ant Hill Mob uses getaway power.

Red Max of the Crimson Haybaler

makes his move.

The Arkansas Chuggabug uses jet power.

And the Creepy Coupe pours it on with dragon power.

Oh, it's going to be a great race, folks.

Hey, wait a minute.

Stop!

crash

This race starts next week.

Next week? That means I'll get a good start on the others.

Drat! Drat! And double drat!

[snickering]