Original subtitles

[theme music]

[male announcer] And now, here they are.

The most daredevil group of daddy drivers

whoever whirl their wheels in the Wacky Races.

Competing for the title

of the World's Wackiest Racers.

The cars are approaching the starting line.

First is the Turbo Terrific driven by Peter Perfect.

Next, Rufus Ruff Cut and Sawtooth in the Buzzwagon.

Maneuvering for position is the Army Surplus Special.

Right behind is the Ant Hill Mob in their bulletproof bomb.

And there's ingenious inventor

Pat Pending, in his Convertor-A-Car.

Oh, and here's the lovely Penelope Pitstop

the glamor gal of the gas pedal.

Next, we have the Boulder Mobile

with the Slag brothers, Rock and Gravel.

Lurching along is the Creepy Coupe with the Gruesome Twosome

and right on their tail is the Red Max.

And there's the Arkansas Chuggabug

with Luke and Blubber Bear.

Sneaking along last is that Mean Machine

with those double-dealing do-badders

Dick Dastardly and his sidekick, Muttley.

And even now they're up to some dirty trick.

And they're off... to a standing start. And why not?

They've been chained to a post by shifty Dick Dastardly

who shifts into the wrong gear.

And away they go

on the way-out Wacky Races!

♪♪

[male announcer] The cars are strung out

in the first lap of today's Wacky Race.

And look who's in the lead

Dick Dastardly.

You were expecting maybe, Shirley Temple. Ha-ha-ha.

[male announcer] The finish like is in far off Ballpoint, Pennsylvania.

[tire screeching]

What's this? Dick Dastardly is stopping.

Oh, why're you stopping here, Dick?

Just keep glue to your seat and watch.

I'm going to force those Wacky Racers off the road

with my old train in the road trick.

And this rear projection setup.

[train chugging]

A train!

[tires screeching]

[train chugging]

Oh, my goodness!

It's a train!

Bang

I can't lose.

Those clowns will wait all day for that train to pass.

[Dastardly] Ha-ha-ha.

[train chugging]

[theme music]

[snickering]

♪♪

[male announcer] The Wacky Racers are off again.

Uh-in more ways than one.

Rufus Ruff Cut in the Buzzwagon has the lead and...

...oh, there's a sharp curve ahead.

Phew, he made it.

[creaking]

Thud

[tires screeching]

Uh-oh!

[Red Max] There's a tree blocking the road.

This axe tied to the propeller should do the trick.

[whirring]

Swish

[male announcer] Red Max has cut his way through.

And here come the Slag Brothers moving up fast.

[tires screeching]

[mumbling]

[male announcer] What are you Slags up to?

[mumbling]

Tup tup tup

[male announcer] Oh, I see. You've made a slingshot.

That's right.

Boing

swoosh

[male announcer] The Slag Brothers zip past Red Max

and take the lead away from Rufus Ruff Cut.

Wow, with that burst of speed

no one will catch 'em now.

Uh-wait a minute. Dick Dastardly is planning

another of his no good nick tricks.

When I pull this rope

[Dastardly] the springs will snap the bridge shut like so...

snap

if the bridge doesn't flatten 'em

they'll go off the cliff. Ha-ha-ha.

[snickering]

[Dastardly] Here come the Slag Brothers.

Ooh, I can hardly wait.

Ha-ha-ha.

Drat! The pin won't pull out.

Curses! They got across!

What's holding it back?

Drat!

Snap snap snap snap snap snap

[snickering]

♪♪

[male announcer] And the Wacky beat goes on

with the Creepy Coupe coming up from the rear.

Close behind, following the ghoulish duo

is Penelope Pitstop, driving her Compact Pussycat.

[sizzling]

[growls]

Bam bam bam

[dragon grunting]

How dare you?

[bawling]

[male announcer] Wacky Racers are rapidly racing on.

With the Ant Hill Mob number 7 switching to machine gun power.

rat tat tat tat

And moving up to take second spot away

from Professor Pat Pending.

My bubble bath machine will stop that Anthill Mob.

glug glug

[Professor Pat Pending] And make them smell sweet, too.

boom

Quick, make with your hats, you mugs.

Okay, yous guys. Let's get back in that race.

Is determined to win it.

By hook or crook.

These tacks should do the trick.

[rattling]

[Dastardly] I hope this gag doesn't fall...

...flat. Ha-ha-ha.

blast

Oh, fat sticks. I got a flat tire.

Now, I got a flat car.

Peter, I declare I wish you wouldn't just sit there

blocking the road.

Sorry about that, Penny.

I'll have to shake some life into my car.

Swish

My, that was clever of you'll, Peter.

I know. Thank you, Penny.

Now onto certain victory.

♪♪

Pop

[male announcer] And another flat tire.

But, here comes the instant repair kit.

The Arkansas Chuggabug

is also headed straight for those tacks.

pop

[Luke] Oh-oh, Blubber.

Looks like we got a flat tire.

Better see if you can fix her up.

Pump her up good, Blubber.

[comical music]

Swoosh

Anyways, I'm heading in the right direction.

[male announcer] There they go, into the final lap.

♪♪

The Slag Brothers are holding the lead but coming up fast

is Professor Pat Pending in his Convert-A-Car.

And Rufus Ruff Cut in his Buzzwagon

while up ahead Dick is planning

another of his Dastardly deeds.

Here they come, Muttley.

Plant the dynamite.

Swish swish

[snickering]

Now, Muttley!

Bam

What happened? The dynamite didn't go off.

Now, what went wrong?

Kaboom

[upbeat music]

Drat!

♪♪

Advancing, coming through the final miles of this race

Dick Dastardly is driving like a demon

trying to overtake the leaders.

Muttley, it looks like I'll have to switch on

to police power to stop them.

[mumbling]

[Dastardly] Lucky, I have my honorary downtown

Burbank's Sheriff's badge.

[siren wailing]

[tires screeching]

Did you hear that, sarge?

Yeah, Meekly. That looks like a court-marshal for us.

It's the revenuers, Blubber.

[mumbling]

Oh, dear. I do hope the traffic judge is friendly.

Don't you worry none Pretty Penny.

My uncle's a notary public.

I'm not gonna wait.

I'm a flyer with friends in high places.

Remember our alibi, yous mugs.

We was at the movies when the bank was robbed.

I'll invent a good excuse, like we're in a race.

Here by George, we are in a race.

Here comes the fuzz.

Swoosh

Ha-ha-ha.

See you all in the finish line.

Crash

Drat!

[male announcer] Here they come, racing for the finish line

in Ballpoint, Pennsylvania.

[crowd cheering]

And the winner is

Penelope Pitstop in car number 5.

Red Max in car number 4 is second.

And the Ant Hill Mob in car number 7 comes in third.

Ho-ho, what a finish!

♪♪

And as for Dick Dastardly...

You get 30 days for littering the highway.

Ten days for obstructing traffic.

Drat! Double drat!

[mumbling]

[police officer] And 20 days for arguing with an officer.

[snickering]

[male announcer] ...ride like pickets on a fence

as the Wacky Racers hurdle toward their destination.

And it's a...

bam

...Fast Track To Hackensack.

But here comes the drag of the drag strips

Dick Dastardly.

Oh, that ought to slow things down considerably.

Okay, okay. So, you're a good judge of character.

Big deal. Then stop slowing the others down.

Eh, Muttley? He-he-he.

[mumbling]

Swoosh

swoosh

boing

[Dastardly laughing]

Well, what you waiting for?

The curtain to go up on the second act?

[mumbling]

Cheater!

[both mumbling]

Phony!

Yes, and he's no gentleman either.

Let's go, boys!

♪♪

[male announcer] And so, while Dick Dastardly takes advantage

of his ill-gotten lead

a heated battle is going on for second place

between car number 1 The Slag Brothers

and Penelope Pitstop in car number 5.

Penelope pours on the power

and gets in front of the Boulder Mobile.

Oh, dear, my umbrella!

[rock Slag] Aye! Who put out the lights?

♪♪

[rock Slag mumbling]

[rock Slag] Dark.

[gravel Slag mumbling]

[gravel Slag] Can't see.'

What the-yeah, what's the big idea

of dropping in without an appointment?

And when are you guys gonna shave?

[male announcer] Professor Pat Pending in the Convert-A-Car

is having difficulties trying to pass the Creepy Coupe.

Come on, fellas. Move over.

I'll just have to lift myself over them.

[male announcer] He's converted the The Convert-A-Car into a derrick.

And lifts himself off the road.

Hey, look. He flew over us.

Well, two can play at that game.

[male announcer] The Creepy Coupe shifts into dragon power.

[roaring]

Hey, come back!

You forgot something.

Thud

Oh pshaw.

I just had it washed and polished.

[male announcer] Meanwhile Dick Dastardly in Double Zero

continues to lead the path.

[tires screeching]

What's this?

"Law N' Order. City limits.

Speed limit, 35 miles per hour."

Ha-ha-ha.

Come on Muttley, we're gonna play a dirty trick.

[mumbling]

[snickering]

We'll change the three to an eight.

Making it 85 miles per hour.

And watch the Wacky Racers fall into our trap.

Ha-ha-ha.

♪♪

"Speed limit 85 miles an hour."

Quit dragging your feet, Meekly. Charge!

[country music]

Howdy, sheriff.

Nice peaceful little town you've got here.

And we aims to keep it that way

so just watch your step, stranger.

Don't worry, sheriff.

I'm an honest law-abiding citizen.

It's that unruly mob that's heading this way

you've got to be on the lookout for.

So long, sheriff.

♪♪

What was that? A tornado?

Tornado nothing.

That's a bunch of them city slickers.

Maybe a day or two in the town pokey

will slow 'em down a might.

[police siren]

Uh-oh, somebody's gonna get it.

Here comes the law, and boy, is he mad.

So glad we're as pure as the driven snow.

Pull over, you speed demons

or I'll run you off the road.

- Eh, but, officer... - Let me handle this boss.

I'll have him giving us the key to this city before I'm through.

Uh, here, Sheriff. Have a cigar.

Now, what's the charge?

Well, the charge was speeding.

But, when you tried to bribe me with a cigar

you really tore it.

Now, get in your car and follow me to the town jail.

[male announcer] Meanwhile, Dick Dastardly still holds the lead.

But Rufus Ruff Cut and the Arkansas Chuggabug

are coming up fast.

Drat! Another one of your stupid ideas that didn't work, Muttley.

Uh? My idea?

Yes, your idea.

[muttering]

♪♪

[male announcer] Meanwhile, back in the town of Law N' Order

the Ant Hill Mob are enjoying the hospitality of the Sheriff.

Now look at the mess you've got us into, Ding-A-Ling.

You know a thing like this can give a guy a bad image.

Don't worry, boss.

I'll have us out of this cracker box

before you can say habeas corpus.

Watch it, yous guys. You're wrinkling my lapels.

Won't be long now boss.

And we'll be as free as a kite with a busted string.

Uh, leaving so soon?

Hey, what the--

Lucky for me you was here

or I might have hurt myself.

[male announcer] Back in the race Dick Dastardly is still in the lead

and still trying to shake loose

from the Buzzwagon and the Arkansas Chuggabug.

I'll get rid of them...

...with operation Little Red Wagon.

Swoosh

[squeaking]

[muttering]

It's a bomb!

[tires screeching]

Nothing can catch us now, Muttley.

It's a clear track to Hackensack.

[squeaking]

Kaboom

[squeaking]

It's moments like this that make me wonder

if cheating really pays.

[snickering]

[male announcer] Back in the jailhouse

Ding-A-Ling has another brilliant idea.

I'll just blow a hole in the wall with this dynamite

and we'll scram out of here.

This better work, Ding-A-Ling.

Kaboom

What in carnation, do you fellas

think you're doing to my jail?

Sorry, Sheriff.

We was just trying to get back into the Wacky Race.

Did you say Wacky Race?

Yeah. And we'd probably be winning

if it wasn't for Ding-A-Ling and his bright ideas.

Well, why didn't you say so.

The Wacky Races are my favorite sport.

Come on, fellas. You're holding up the race.

[police siren]

[Ding-A-Ling] See, boss, I told you I'd get us out of this mess.

[male announcer] With about ten miles to go to the finish line

the Slag Brothers are now in the lead.

With the Creepy Coupe running a close second.

But, here comes old bad news again.

Watch this, Muttley.

I'm going to get two birds

with one stone.

Boing

[muttering]

I wonder what's troubling them.

[tires screech]

Bam bam bam

[Dastardly laughing]

[Dastardly] So long, suckers!

- Huh? - He tricked us.

[male announcer] And with only a few miles to go

it looks as if Dick Dastardly is going to win this race.

Yes! Ha-ha-ha!

I was almost beginning to think that crime doesn't pay.

[police siren]

[male announcer] Wait a minute, what's this?

It's the Ant Hill Mob passing everybody.

And with a police escort yet.

Curses! We've got to get rid of them.

Scare them off, Muttley.

[mumbling]

Boom

Yikes!

Shooting firearms within city limits is against the law!

Boom

Resisting arrest, are ya?

[clanging]

Hey! What's going on? We're slowing up.

[male announcer] Meanwhile, Dick Dastardly sits

inches away from the finish line.

Number 7, the Ant Hill Mob comes in first.

Number 1 the Slag Brothers are second.

And number 2 the Creepy Coupe is third.

Ho-ho! What a race this has been!

Drat. Double drat

and triple drat.

Hope you like our little town of Law N' Order.

Cause you're gonna be there for quite a spell.

Law N' Order?

Yuck, I hate it already.

[snickering]

The Wacky Race goes on and on.

Each driver determined to win.

Maneuvering core position.

Looking for the opening that will put him in the lead.

The Ant Hill Mob uses getaway power.

The Red Max in the Crimson Haybaler

makes his move.

The Arkansas Chuggabug uses jet power.

And the Creepy Coupe pours it on with dragon power.

Oh, it's gonna be a great race, folks.

Hey, wait a minute.

Stop!

bam

[clanking]

This race starts next week.

Next week?

That means I'll get a good start on the others.

[Dastardly] Drat, drat and double drat.

[snickering]