Original subtitles

[theme music]

[male narrator] And now, here they are!

The most daredevil group of daffy drivers to ever whirl

their wheels in the Wacky Races.

Competing for the title of the World's Wackiest Racers.

The cars are approaching the starting line.

First, is the Turbo Terrific driven by Peter Perfect.

Next, Rufus Ruff Cut and Sawtooth in the Buzzwagon.

Maneuvering for position is the Army Surplus Special.

Right behind is the Ant Hill Mob in their Bulletproof Bomb.

And there's the ingenious inventor

Pat Pending in his Convert-A-Car.

Oh, and here's the lovely Penelope Pitstop.

The glamour gal of the gas pedal.

Next, we have the Boulder mobile

with the Slag brothers, Rock and Gravel.

Lurching along is the Creepy Coupe

with the Gruesome twosome.

And right on their tail is the Red Max.

And there's the Arkansas Chug-a-Bug

with Luke and Blubber Bear.

Sneaking along last is that Mean Machine

with those double dealing do-badders

Dick Dastardly and his sidekick, Muttley.

And even now they're up to some dirty trick.

And they're off to a standing start.

And why not, they've be chained to a post

by shifty Dick Dastardly.

Who shifts in to the wrong gear.

And away they go on the way out Wacky races!

[male announcer] Today, we find the Wacky racers speeding through the mountains

toward Jollywood, California.

[bluegrass music]

Dick Dastardly is trying to catch Peter Perfect

but the road is too narrow.

Drat! Well, there's more than one way to skin a cat.

Boing boing

I sure pulled one over on him.

He he he.

Crash

[upbeat music]

Thud

Oh, no! Not again!

Crash

Curses, every car in the race has passed us.

[male announcer] Not quite, Dick.

You're still ahead of the Army Surplus Special.

Oh, goody.

[male announcer] Oh, baddie, look.

Faster Meekly, we gotta catch up.

Boom.

Curses, curses.

[Muttley laughing]

[male announcer] Meanwhile, speeding along toward glamorous Jollywood

the Wacky Racers are approaching

the summit of Mt. Paper-walk.

And hurrying along in front is pretty Penelope's

Compact Pussycat.

Since we're heading for little ol' Jollywood...

...I better keep nice and trim

just in case I run into one of those little ol' talent scouts.

[male announcer] Not far behind the Creepy Coupe

is using ghost power to make the steep climb.

The Slag brothers are third, but it doesn't look

as if the heavy Boulder mobile is going to make it.

[gibberish]

Thwack

[male announcer]] Way back in the pack but still in the race

the Ant Hill Mob is running flat out.

But pretty soon, they'll be just running flat.

He he ha ha

[mumbling]

[rumbling]

Oh, boy! Let's go watch this.

[snickering]

Ugh, hey, Clyde.

There's something tailin' us and it ain't no cop.

[rumbling continues]

Yipes.

Quick use, mugs, make with your ski poles.

[rumbling continues]

Drat! They got away.

[rumbling continues]

[snickering]

[male announcer] As the Wacky Racers roar along the treacherous cliff

towards calamity corner, the Buzzwagon is trying

to pass the Convert-A-Car.

Rufus Ruff Cut cut inside and look out, the Buzzwagon

chainsaw wheels are cutting deep as he charges around

calamity corner.

plop

[whirring]

Whoosh

Now, the racers are out of the mountains

and streaking across the desert.

[upbeat music]

Penelope Pitstop is still out front

and the Ant Hill Mob is right behind her.

In case I run into one of those little ol' Jollywood agents

I wanna have my little ol' fingernails lookin' pretty.

Voila.

Now, let them dry in the wind.

Look out, jingling, she's gonna make a left turn.

Crash

Gee, sorry about that, Clyde.

[male announcer] What was the Ant Hill Mob has taken a turn for the worse.

And speakin' of turns, ha ha.

Dick Dastardly is turning off for a shortcut.

Why not, Boopsie, all's fair in love and races.

[snickering]

[male announcer] Let's check our scanner scope and see what's ahead?

It looks like a Jollywood movie studio is on location.

They are uh, shooting a King Arthur movie.

[screeching]

Here we are, Muttley.

Fortunately for me they are not shooting today.

I've always wanted to be a director.

So...

...I'll start by directing the Wacky Racers into trouble.

He he ha ha

[snickering]

[screeching]

[Red Max] Shortcut. Ah, good.

Here comes the Crimson Haybaler.

I'll tell you when and we'll drop the iron gate on him.

[snickering]

That was a dirty trick to escape my dirty trick.

[snickering]

You stop snickering.

Crash

Muttley, do something.

[mumbling]

Curses, here comes the Creepy Coupe.

[crackling]

[coughing]

Thud

[snickering]

Is that all you can say?

Ouch!

[rattling]

Here comes another car. Raise the Drawbridge, Muttley.

[creaking]

Thud

splash

Okay, Muttley, lower the Drawbridge

and let's get out of here.

[male announcer] Professor Pat Pending is changing

into an underwater missile.

whoosh

thud

Drat.

[male announcer] Meanwhile Professor Pat Pending coming in for a landing

changes back into his Convert-A-Car.

He made it.

The Wacky Racers are heading for the whole stretch now.

And it looks like smooth sailing

for the Slag Brothers who are in the lead.

Oh, yeah. That's what you think.

See that steel cable across the road, Boopsie.

Well, it's not for decoration.

Watch this dastardly dirty work in action.

snip

[gibberish]

Curses! Why didn't you put that cable lower, dum-dum?

Snip

I can't believe it.

They drove right through the steel cable.

Boing

thud

When we drive by, duck Meekley.

Twang

Curses.

Twang

thud

Drat, drat, drat.

[snickering]

[male announcer] As the Wacky Racers bear down on the finish line

in Jollywood, the Chugabug is steaming along in the lead

with the Creepy Coupe in second spot

and the Red Max running third.

While a way, way, way back we find everybody's friend

ha ha, Dick Dastardly.

We're last again, Muttley.

This calls for some

some drastically dirty trick like rocket power!

Whoosh

[male announcer] At the back of the pack, the Mean Machine

is passing cars like crazy.

And Dick Dastardly rockets in to fifth place.

But it looks like he's losing control.

[screeching]

Boing

Oh, what a cracker!

All the drivers were thrown from their cars...

...and they are landing safely but in the wrong vehicles.

He he ha ha

We're out in front and there's the finish line.

[male announcer] Uh, Dick, if you cross the finish line in the wrong car

you'll be disqualified.

I will?

[screeching]

[crashing]

[male announcer] Here we go again, folks.

thud

The Wacky Racers are back in their own cars.

But no one's crossed the finish line yet.

Here comes Surplus special

sizzling along with no room to pass.

[screeching]

And smacks right into Dick Dastardly

who hits the Buzzwagon

which slams the Crimson Haybaler

who slams into the Creepy Coupe

which pushes the Chugabug across the finish line first.

Number two the Creepy Coupe is second.

And number four the Crimson Haybaler is third.

Oh, boy, what a smashing finish.

Some of these cars are a real mess after this race.

Tough luck, Muttley. Uh, where is your uh, master?

Double drat!

[snickering]

[bluegrass music]

[male announcer] Roaring down the highway, the Wacky Racers

relentlessly roll along to the finish line at Raleigh.

Led by that rowdy in the race tracks

dirty Dick Dastardly.

Yes.

And by hook and crook I intend to stay

in first place and win this.

Whoosh

[Dastardly] Race rally to Raleigh.

[laughs]

♪♪

[male announcer] Well, it looks like Dastardly is determined to win

so we can expect some foul play.

Right, and for my first dirty trick

I shall make an entire race car disappear.

Use the bazooka, Muttley.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Boom

Yikes. Counter attack, take cover.

Boing

Darnation, what's that a comin'?

[blabbering]

Stop blabbering, Blubber, and do something.

We must be surrounded. Take cover!

Oh.

[whimpering]

Uh?

[whimpering]

Oh, no!

Boom

thud

A hitchhiker, huh?

Get off my bus, wise guy.

boing

[snickering]

[Dastardly] You think that's funny, eh? Watch this.

clang clang

[mumbling]

[male announcer] Rest of the racers are lead by Red Max, but Professor

Pat Pending and the Slag Brothers are close behind.

Oh, look's like trouble lies ahead.

thud

[rattling]

Crash

[mooing]

[male announcer] Having recovered from his temporary set back

Dick Dastardly resumes the lead setting a torrid pace.

[screeching]

[Dastardly] "'McDonald's farm, Keep out."'

What say we give those city slickeraters

a taste of farm life, Muttley?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[snickering]

Nothing like a little floor wax to straighten out the curves.

[male announcer] That's a slippery trick Dick.

Yeah, ha ha ha, isn't it?

[male announcer] And here come the racers headed for the curve in the road.

crash

tires screeching

Rufus Ruff Cut is out of control and heading straight

for a watermelon patch.

Number seven, The Ant Hill Mob is heading for a barn.

crash

crash

[galloping]

Hey, somebody stop this mule, I wanna get off.

Screeching

[upbeat music]

[male announcer] And it looks like The Ant Hill Mob

are temporarily all tied up.

[male announcer] Skidding out of control, Penelope Pitstop

is heading straight for a haystack.

The Surplus six is approaching from the opposite direction.

Oh, I can't look.

How in the seven hell do you stop this perfume jewel box?

Ugh, maybe this button here.

Boing

pow pow pow

Ugh!

I'll try this one.

Boing

Phooey, phooey, phooey.

Yoo-hoo, Private, how do you stop this lil' old thing?

Well, I can't.

What's this little old gadget here?

Oh, no! Don't touch that!

[gun firing]

[bluegrass music]

[clucking]

[male announcer] The Creepy Coupe, out of control careens crazily

toward the crab apple orchard.

crash

thud

[clucking]

Snort snort

[chirping]

[groaning]

[whimpering]

[laughing]

Let's go Muttley, I think we've stopped them now.

[snickering]

Boing

Hey, come back here, you're going the wrong way.

[mooing]

Yi-yikes!

Help! Mad bull, help! Help!

Boing

splash

[snickering]

Splash

[mumbling]

[male announcer] 'It's uh, difficult to say who's leading at this point

'of the race, there seems to be some confusion

as to the right direction.

Red Max in car number four

is running a close second to a herd of sheep.

[bleating]

[upbeat music]

[bleating continues]

[male announcer] And roaring through the onion patches

number nine Peter Perfect followed by Penelope Pitstop.

Ugh! Onions.

[male announcer] To make matters worse, Dick Dastardly

is up to another of his Dastardly deeds.

Hurry, Muttley, hurry. Here they come.

[grunting]

[upbeat music]

Curses. Why didn't the tank fall? Why didn't it fall?

[indistinct murmuring]

Oh, no!

Splat

[spluttering]

[snickering]

Splash

[mumbling]

[male announcer] Finally, finding their way out of the farm

the Wacky Racers are back on the right track.

Professor Pat Pending in Car number three moves up

to challenge The Creepy Coupe

The Professor shifts into extendo power...

...and finds himself in first place.

But not for long, as the Army Surplus Special

blasts his way past them.

boom

Here comes The Arkansas Chugabug roaring

past everybody and no wonder.

That's some of grandma's furnish remover Blubber

is putting in the boiler.

kaboom

Darnation, Blubber.

I told you not to use too much of that potent stuff.

[blabbering]

Swoosh

[male announcer] And now it's Dick Dastardly in the lead.

Next time take the bus and leave the racing to us.

[laughing]

[male announcer] And as the racers near the finish line in Raleigh

it looks like the mean machine all the way.

But... hold everything.

The Anthill mob pours on the power.

Getaway power that is.

Okay, you schmucks, make with the feet.'

[upbeat music]

Curses, this calls for my mock stopper trick.

P-taff

swoosh

Hey, look boss.

We're being victimized by an unscrupulous character.

Okay, you guys, show him the error of his way.

Alright, boss.

Boing

swoosh

kaboom

thud

[male announcer] Oops, Dick Dastardly just dropped out of the race.

And the winner is... number seven, The Anthill Mob.

Number one, The Slag Brothers are second.

And number nine, Peter Perfect finished 3rd.

Oh, what a race this has been.

Oh, who wanted to win this old race anyway.

I did! I wanted to win this race!

I never get to win a race!

[bawling]

[snickering]

[male announcer] And they're off again. The Wacky Race goes on and on.

Each driver determines who wins.

Maneuvering core positions

looking for the opening that will put him in the lead.

The Anthill Mob uses getaway power.

Red Max in the Crimson Haybaler makes his move.

The Arkansas Chugabug uses jet power.

And the Creepy Coupe pours it on with dragon power.

Oh, it's going to be a great race, folks.

Hey, wait a minute.

Stop!

crash

This race starts next week.

Next week? That means I'll get a good start on the others.

Thud

Drat! Drat! And double drat!

[snickering]