Original subtitles

[theme music]

[male announcer] And now, here they are!

The most daredevil group of daffy drivers

to ever whirl their wheels in the Wacky Races...

...competing for the title of the World's Wackiest Racer.

The cars are approaching the starting line.

First is the Turbo Terrific driven by Peter Perfect.

Next, Rufus Ruff Cut and Sawtooth in the Buzzwagon.

Maneuvering for a position is the Army Surplus Special.

Right behind is The Anthill Mob in their Bulletproof Bomb.

And there is ingenious inventor

Pat Pending in his Convert-A-Car.

Oh! And here's the lovely Penelope Pitstop.

The glamour gal of the gas pedal.

Next, we have the Boulder Mobile

with the Slag brothers, Rock and Gravel.

Lurching along is the Creepy Coupe

with the Gruesome Twosome.

And right on their tail is the Red Max.

And there's the Arkansas Chugabug

with Luke and Blubber Bear.

Sneaking along last is that Mean Machine

with those double-dealing do-badders

Dick Dastardly and his sidekick, Muttley.

And even now they're up to some dirty trick.

And they're off!

To a standing start, and why not?

They've been chained to a post by shifty Dick Dastardly

who shifts into the wrong gear.

And away they go on the way-out Wacky Races!

[bluegrass music]

[male announcer] Yes, fans

it's the Dopey Dakota Derby.

And as the racers roar out of Cactus City

to Gopher Gulch in the Badlands

it's the Chugabuggy bouncing into first place.

The Mean Machine is second.

But not for long.

He-he ha-ha-ha!

Throw, Muttley.

[male announcer] Now the two cars are tied.

[rattling]

Splat

whop whop whop

zap

swish swish swish

[bluegrass music]

[male announcer] The Wacky Racers are off to a good start, folks.

Uh, all except Dick Dastardly

who seems to be tied up at the moment.

Drat!

[male announcer] As the cars sneak through the Badlands

that are crawling with bandits...

...it's Red Max hopping into first place.

Oh-oh, look out for that peak, Max.

Peak?

Rat-a-tat-tat

[Max] What peak?

Thud

[male announcer] That peak.

In second place, it's the Boulder Mobile...

thud

...dropping into its own style of rock and roll driving.

The Surplus 6 is heading straight

for those huge boulders.

Sergeant Blast must have rocks in his head.

Keep going, Private Meekly.

Boom

kaboom

Got rocks in my head, eh?

Thud

boing

[male announcer] Meanwhile, after a very tying experience...

swish swish

...Dick Dastardly is starting to unwind.

And there he goes.

thud

crash

It suddenly hit me.

[male announcer] Ha ha, the tree?

No, a good bad idea.

Since this is the bandit-infested Badlands

a bandit would scare the Wacky Racers away.

Quick, Muttley. My dirty disguise kit.

[snickering]

There. With our disguises, no one will recognize us.

[snickering]

We'll head them off at the pass.

Hi-ho, Mean Machine. Away!

P-taff

[male announcer] The number 10, Buzzwagon, driven by Rufus Ruff Cut

has run into a dead end canyon.

There is no way through.

How about that tunnel?

[male announcer] W-what tunnel?

This tunnel.

[whirring]

Rumble

splash

[male announcer] He made it! Can nothing stop you, Rufus Ruff Cut?

Just my brakes.

Yuk yuk yuk!

[male announcer] Well, huh, yuk, anyway There he goes.

Up, up and away!

p-taff

Oh, no! Some of the other Wacky Racers

are following in Ruff Cut's tracks...

...straight down.

Oh, I can't look. Th-there goes another.

thud

Thank y'all for the lift, Gruesomes.

You're welcome.

[male announcer] They made it.

Now the Compact Pussycat is ahead by a neck.

As the Wacky Racers near Bad Rock Canyon

Red Max overtakes the Convert-A-Car...

...which makes Professor Pat Pending mad... hopping mad.

boing

And he springs ahead

just as they enter Bad Rock Canyon Pass.

Here we are at the other end of the pass

but where are the racers?

What could be holding them up?

It's not what's holding them up, it's who.

[tires screeching]

Well, who are you?

Just look around, ma'am.

Oh, my!

[Penelope] It's Deadweed Dick, the baddest bandit in the Badlands.

Pleased to meet you, sir.

[Dastardly] You won't be.

Okay, Wacky Racers, since you won't turn around

you're going to see what my guns can do.

[drumroll]

Oops!

Boing

[snickering]

Boing

[gunshot]

Rumble

pew

Huh? Hey...

That boulder was meant for me.

It was? Oh, gee, I'm sorry. Here, you can have it.

Thud

[snickering]

[bluegrass music]

Maybe we ought to turn back, sarge.

I've never seen a tree that could make me back away.

Fire!

Boom

boing

You've seen one now.

Plop

[crashing]

[male announcer] According to our radarscope, Sergeant Blast

has helped Dick Dastardly pile up a big lead.

Now's our chance, Muttley.

[snickering]

[male announcer] Just don't stretch your luck, Dick Dastardly.

He-he-he ha-ha-ha!

This'll be a snap.

Whoosh

[male announcer] And there he goes, folks, passing the other cars

like they were sitting still.

Nothing can stop me now.

Crash

crack

Double drat.

[snickering]

Boing

[mumbling]

Cheer up, Muttley. I've got a good bad plan.

[Rufus] Danger, beware.

[Peter] Deadweed Dick's territory. Go back or else.'

Why, that is downright unfriendly.

Don't fret none. Deadweed's probably nowhere near.

He-he-he ha-ha-ha!

Oh, yeah? Now get.

[gunshot]

Zing

boing

Out of the way. I'm coming through.

I'll fix your wagon.

[gunshot]

[hissing]

Yeow!

Never seen a body so steamed up.

Hee-hee-hee!

That did it. if you want to get past me, you'll have to draw.

Mmm. Peachy! I just love to draw.

- You-you, you do? - Sure enough.

I'm the fastest drawer in the West.

There.

[Dastardly] Egads, I'm beautiful.

What eyes! What a chin! What a profile!

[mumbling]

Yeow! What do you want?

[snickering]

[upbeat music]

[Dastardly] They're getting away.

What a joke! Tricked by my own good looks.

[snickering]

Now what do you want, you miserable mutt?

"Short cut to Gopher Gulch."

You're a nice miserable mutt.

You drive, Muttley. I'll ride shotgun.

Yahoo!

[male announcer] The Wacky Racers are nearing

the end of the race to Gopher Gulch.

At the finish line where the crowd is tense

Sheriff Sam, the official judge is watching for the winner.

They're coming, folks.

I see The Anthill Mob, and the double zero

ridden by...

...Deadweed Dick?

The baddest bandit in the Badlands.

[male announcer] Here they come, folks, neck and neck...

...heading for the finish line...

twang

...and the Anthill Mob, number 7, is the winner...

...with Professor Pat Pending, number 3, second

and the Crimson Haybailer, number 4, third.

[bluegrass music]

What's the idea, Sheriff?

Can't you see I'm Dastardly?

Yup, you sure are dastardly, Deadweed Dick.

But your dastardly doings are done.

It's the Gopher Gulch hoosegow for you.

Drat!

[laughing]

Splash

[mumbling]

[bluegrass music]

[male announcer] Through the valley and over

the dale, the Wacky Racers hit the trail.

To far off Wott-Will Delaware.

And it's Dick Dastardly who leads.

Followed by Red Max leading fast.

And it looks like he's going to pass you, Dick Dastardly.

Not if I smoke him out of this Wacky Race.

Pow

Oh, no, you don't, Dick Dastardly.

Whirring

[Dastardly] Drat you, Red Max.

[upbeat music]

Crash

[male announcer] Well, you can't win them all, hey, Dastardly?

This one I'm going to win or my name isn't Dick Dastardly.

[male announcer] And away go the Wacky Racers

with Red Max in the lead taking to the air.

And here comes that hairy racer, the Creepy Coupe...

...shifting to dragon wing power.

A desperate dog fight follows.

♪♪

I will give him a pepper shot and sneeze him out.

Ha ha ha!

Rat-a-tat-tat

Aachoo-o-o!

[coughing]

♪♪

[male announcer] Now taking the lead is Penelope Pitstop.

Uh, washing your car?

Neatness counts.

Hi there, pretty Penny. Putting out a fire?

No, Peter, just washing my car.

[Penelope] Ah, sorry about that, Peter.

[male announcer] Oh, what a gravel-grinding Wacky Race this is.

- But where's Dick Dastardly? - Right here.

And what I have planned should top those Wacky Racers.

My giant top, that is.

Here they come.

And watch them go for a little spin!

Ha ha ha!

[rumbling]

Drat! The top went down!

The cars are getting through.

Now, where did that top go to?

[rumbling continues]

[whirring]

Help, Muttley!

Stop me! Stop me!

[snickering]

[male announcer] And wacky beat goes on

as into the Valley of Speed drive the Wacky Racers.

Oh, it looks like the leader, the Surplus 6

is having some engine trouble.

Meekley, why are you stopping?

It's not me, sarge, it's the engine.

Oh, great, here comes The Anthill Mob

and we're in their way.

crash

Meekley, what are you doing over there?

I'm not over there, I'm over here.

What are you doing over there?

You get over here, Meekley. That's an order.

Bang

thud

[gibberish]

You smart guy!

Thud

plop

Holy Goldilocks! A bear.

Meekley, catch me.

Thud

I got you, sarge.

Thanks a lot.

[male announcer] The race continues on its way

as Rufus Ruff Cut makes his play.

Hey, Professor, out of my way!

I'm coming through.

- Be my guest. - Gee, thanks.

Move over, Slags. I'm coming through!

[gibberish]

Fat chance.

[male announcer] The Slag Brothers have now moved

into second and third positions.

bang

Meanwhile, Dick Dastardly is up to his usual no good...

...but, well, let him tell it.

This is a cake icing gadget.

With it I slicked the road with icing...

...which will cause the Wacky Racers

to skid into the bakery

where I will have a sweet surprise for them.

He-he-he ha-ha-ha!

[snickering]

Splat

[mumbling]

[male announcer] Penelope Pitstop has now taken the lead...

...closely followed by Peter Perfect

in his Turbo Terrific.

[upbeat music]

Muttley, wouldn't a beautiful wedding cake be appropriate?

Yeah-yeah-yeah.

[snickering]

First, we start the conveyor belt.

Next, the dough must be thoroughly mixed.

[whirring]

[Penelope] I just adore the roller coaster.

[Peter] They are fun.

Splash

splash

[whirring continues]

Voila. My masterpiece.

A life-size wedding cake.

You make a lovely bride, pretty Penny.

Yes, I know.

Muttley you may open the refrigerator.

Oh, goodie-goodie-goodie.

[Dastardly] No, Muttley, no. That's the wrong lever.

You put everything in reverse!

Woop

Woop

Thanks for almost being my bride, pretty Penny.

[Penelope] Better luck next time, Peter.

Drat you, Muttley. They got back into the race.

You dum-dum. It's the other lever.

No, Muttley! Not now!

Splash

[whirring]

Muttley, get me out of this cream puff!

[snickering]

Splat

[mumbling]

[bluegrass music]

[male announcer] Hear those motors. What a din!

The Anthill Mob is out to win.

We're gonna win this Wacky Race, youse shmucks, or else...

No one's gonna win. Look, the bridge is out.

Screech

thud

How will we ever get out of here?

Screech

I'll get you out, fellers. Sit tight.

What do you think you're doing?

[rumbling]

[male announcer] And the wacky beat goes on and on

as Professor Pat Pending

switching to plane power, passes the pack.

But what's this?

Dick Dastardly is waiting in ambush.

Yes. I'm going to start an avalanche and block the pass.

[snickering]

Creak

crash

[Dastardly] That should stop those Wacky Racers.

Uh-oh, looks like a landslide up ahead.

Screech

My instant tunnel-maker will take care of this situation.

Zap

[upbeat music]

[male announcer] It, uh, looks as if Dick Dastardly

can't decide which road to take.

Quick, Muttley, which is the road to the finish line?

Left-left-left.

Right-right-right.

Crash

Drat! I'm stuck in the mud.

[water burbling]

[male announcer] And here they come to the finish line

in Wott-Will Delaware.

And the winner is number 8, the Chugabug!

With second place going to number 10, the Buzzwagon.

And in third spot it's number 3, the Convert-A-Car.

And in last place our perennial loser

Dick Dastardly. Ha!

What happened, Dick?

We got lost.

[male announcer] With a combination bloodhound

pointer and hunting dog?

H-how could you get lost?

[Dastardly] Ask him.

[snickering]

[water burbling]

[male announcer] And they're off again! The Wacky Race goes on and on.

Each driver determined to win, maneuvering for position...

...looking for the opening that will put him in the lead.

The Anthill Mob uses getaway power.

Red Max of the Crimson Haybailer makes his move.

crash

The Arkansas Chugabug uses

jet power...

...and the Creepy Coupe

pours it on with dragon power.

Oh, it's going to be

a great race, folks.

Hey, wait a minute.

Stop!

[crashing]

This race starts next week.

Next week? That means I'll get a good start on the others.

Thud

[Dastardly] Drat! Drat!

And double drat!

[snickering]