Original subtitles

[theme music]

[male announcer] And now, here they are.

The most daredevil group of daffy drivers

to ever whirl their wheels in the Wacky Races.

Competing for the title of the World's Wackiest Racer.

The cars are approaching the starting line.

First is the Turbo Terrific driven by Peter Perfect.

Next, Rufus Ruff Cut and Sawtooth in the Buzzwagon.

Maneuvering for position is the Army Surplus Special.

Right behind, is the Ant Hill Mob

in their Bulletproof Bomb.

And there's the ingenious inventor, Pat Pending

in his Convert-A-Car.

Oh, here's the lovely Penelope Pitstop

the glamor gal of the gas pedal.

Next we have the Boulder Mobile

with the Slag brothers, Rock and Gravel.

Lurching along is the Creepy Coupe

with The Gruesome Twosome.

And right on their tail is the Red Max.

And there's the Arkansas Chuggabug

with Luke and Blubber Bear.

Sneaking along last is that Mean Machine

with those double-dealing do-badder

Dick Dastardly and his sidekick, Muttley.

And even now, they're up to some dirty trick.

And they're off...

...to a standing start. And why not?

They've been chained to a post by shifty Dick Dastardly...

...who shifts into the wrong gear.

And away they go

on the way-out Wacky Races!

Clear the roads, step aside

and let those Wacky Racers ride.

Uh, what's up this trip, Dastardly?

I'm going to give the Ant Hill Mob a little lift.

Thud thud thud

It looks like a rocky road to the finish

at Eeeny miny Missouri.

thud

♪♪

The Ant Hill Mob starts out with a bang.

bang bang bang

Uh, four, to be exact.

Okay, yous mugs, wake up. It's time to re-tire.

[male announcer] The Surplus Special surges ahead with a rocket burst.

swoosh swoosh swoosh

The blast bothers the Gruesome Twosome.

[choking]

They meet the challenge with giant spider power.

And quicker than you can say Miss Muffet

the spider goes for a spin.

And the Surplus Special is hung up in a web of trouble

as the Creepy Coupe whizzes by.

Penelope Pitstop is picking up the pace.

Uh-oh. The Compact Pussycat's engine is startin' to smoke.

- Too bad. - Oh, dear me!

Hi there, Penny.

Don't worry, the perfect

mechanic is here to help you.

[coughing]

Crash

Oh, fiddle sticks! This will delay me a little.

I better give it a little air.

Well, it's a little overdone.

[male announcer] How about that? A rotisserie.

In the meeny meantime, after taking an illegal shortcut

Dick Dastardly, the meany of the motor world

plans a dastardly deed to win the race.

But how?

Come on, and I'll show you.

This rotary road crusher

will rip up the highway...

...and make it impassable for the Wacky Racers.

Hey, Muttley!

Don't just stand there like a dummy.

Give me a hand.

[clapping]

[laughing]

Boing

[muttering]

[male announcer] And the wacky beat goes on

as the Wacky Racers go up dangerous Break Neck Hill.

But it doesn't look like

the Arkansas Chuggabug's gonna make it.

Blubber, you better chuck

some stuff overboard

and lighten the load.

Bang bang

crash

consarn it, Blubber, not me!

[banging]

Crash

[mumbling]

Thud

Well, Blubber. Can't you even say "welcome back"?

[male announcer] The Slag brothers, switching to double club power

are closing fast.

Sawtooth, I think we better do something

about their club power.

Thud thud thud

[whirring]

[shouting indistinctly]

[laughing]

[male announcer] Meanwhile, back in the Dastardly deeds department...

[tires screeching]

Muttley, we are in villainous luck.

Look. An aquarium. And the sign says...

"Opening soon.

Tremendo, world's largest whale."

Wow! He's a big one!

Big enough to hold all the Wacky Racers

plus their cars.

[laughing] Eh, Muttley?

[laughing]

[male announcer] And here they come.

♪♪

[beeping]

Rufus Ruff Cut tries to stay ahead of

Professor Pat Pending, who quick draws his rust gun.

And the Buzzwagon comes to a rusty halt.

But before the Professor can pull ahead

Rufus whips out his super anti-rust oil.

plop plop

And he's off, with the Professor hot on his wheels.

whir

splash

[male announcer] Converting to surfboard power

Pat Pending is back in the race.

Meanwhile, things are beginning to boom

in the villainy department.

Operation Whale first calls for a land slide.

Boom

[Dastardly] Beautiful! Ha ha!

Right across the highway.

Now, the sign, Muttley.

[laughing]

It says "Danger. Landslide.

Take route 66."

But what it doesn't say, is that Route 66

leads straight through the aquarium

into Tremendo's tummy.

[laughing]

Open up, Tremendo. Dinner time.

[laughing]

[Meekley] Hey, Sarge, landslide up ahead.

Well, take Route 66.

[engine revving]

It's a landslide, Blubber.

[blabbering]

[speaking indistinctly]

Landslide.

♪♪

[thuds]

[engine revving]

Ah-choo!

[male announcer] The Slag brothers, the Chuggabug

and the Surplus Six are back in the race.

Oh, wow, what a whale of a race this is!

Drat them! To the car, Muttley. Quick.

[wind gushing]

[rumbling]

Muttley!

Do something! Anything!

♪♪

[laughing]

Splash

[muttering]

[male announcer] And the wacky beat goes on and on...

...with the Red Max rapidly closing in on Dick Dastardly.

Muttley, give him the old fishhook-in-the-prop trick.

[laughing]

Boom

whir

♪♪

Swoosh

[male announcer] And it's the Wacky Racers coming up fast.

Number three, Professor Pat Pending

is now leading the pack

with the Ant Hill Mob, Creepy Coupe...

...and Penelope Pitstop in hot pursuit.

Dick Dastardly in car double zero

is nowhere in sight.

Oh, there he is!

Dick, why is Muttley dangling from that rope?

He's got a load of giant firecrackers

which he'll place in the path of the Wacky Racers.

[laughing]

Oh, what a 4th July they'll have!

[laughing]

Let's get out of here, Muttley.

♪♪

Boom

[laughing]

[male announcer] Professor Pat Pending heading straight

for the giant firecrackers

thinks fast and shifts to scissor power.

snip snip snip

And snips Dastardly's scheme in the bud.

Coming down to the home stretch

the Ant Hill Mob shift to pogo stick power

Red Max uses extra propeller power

Peter Perfect pours it on with multiple wheel power

and Penelope Pitstop makes her pitch with lace-sail power.

And here they come towards the finish line

in Eeny miny Missouri.

[engine revving]

The winner is... number three, Professor Pat Pending.

In second place The Ant Hill Mob

and in third place, it's Penelope Pitstop.

But what about Dick Dastardly?

Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

No, it's Dick Dastardly!

[laughing]

Oh, shut up, Muttley!

[country music]

[male announcer] Today's Wacky Race runs from Sappysota Springs

to Squishy Squash City.

And the Wacky Racers are now cruising across

Crock-Creek Causeway.

"Cause the creek is full of crocks.'

Uh, crocodiles that is.

screech

Stop! Go no further.

Why? Is the swamp dangerous?

Yes. But you may proceed at your own risk.

Ten cents, please.

♪♪

Our cheating way is cheaper and faster.

[laughing]

Boom

[Muttley muttering]

Curses! Drat! Phooey on my luck!

And help!

[theme music]

[male announcer] Back to the Wacky Races.

Rufus Ruff Cut, number ten, whips into second place.

But the Ant Hill Mob refuses to pay a dime

and get their fare cut in half.

- In fifth position is-- - 'Peter Perfect!

[tires screeching]

Give us a hand, will you, buddy?

A hand? Of course.

Here we go. Hang on.

Good luck, Dastardly.

May the best man triumph.

bang bang bang

[male announcer] And Dick Dastardly moves ahead

and right into...

crash

First place.

[rumbling]

Uh-oh! Here they come.

Start the engines, Muttley.

whoosh

No, no, you dumbbell! Put her into reverse.

whoosh

[upbeat music]

[male announcer] Meanwhile, the Creepy Coupe follows a straight narrow path

across Yawky Lagoon.

Buzzwagon is rolling into seventh place

with the Ant Hill Mob strong arming their way

into the eighth spot.

Drat! It's those Wacky Racers

who force me to be a bad guy.

Just look at what they're making me do.

Use this squadron of remote-controlled

mechanical mosquitoes.

I don't want to do it. Honestly.

But... Ha ha ha.

Go, get 'em, you mindless meanies.

Beep beep beep

[buzzing]

[blabbering]

Bzzz

boom

[male announcer] And the Chuggabug runs out of steam.

crash

[male announcer] Watch it, Red Max!

Those mosquitoes are on your tail.

swoosh

What tail?

Crash

[male announcer] And number four is shot down.

Hold it. Gee! Where did you get it fixed?

At a retail store.

You get it? Re-tail.

[laughing]

[male announcer] The Gravel brothers have their own insect repellant.

knock knock knock

Well, I'll be dangled! Mosquitoes are coming.

I'll use fly-swatter power.

Bzzz

boing boing boing

[engine revving]

Ye-ouch!

Ouch! Ouch!

Keep running, Muttley. We're still in first place.

Ooh! Ouch! Eee!

Ooh! Ouch! Eee!

[country music]

[male announcer] At the halfway mark, it's anybody's race.

But Dick Dasterdly's still out in front

by half the length of an alligator's tail.

[tires screeching]

"Danger. Alligator country."

[blabbering]

[screams]

[Luke] Faster, Blubber, faster!

[laughing]

This outfit would even fool

a real alligator.

[laughing]

[tires screeching]

Go back.

I am an alligator.

[Penelope] I do declare!

I am mean and strong.

Specially strong.

I can smell that.

Pew!

One little old spritz

of Irresistible will fix that.

[sprays]

[coughing]

[Peter] Fear not, Miss Penelope.

I'll take care of that swamp creature.

Swish

whir whir whir

Come down, you coward, and fight like an alligator.

[Penelope] My, you're heroic!

Not only that, but champion

alligator wrestler of Alaska.

Peter, you're a regular gas.

[Peter] I must be regular. I'm certainly not ethyl.

[Penelope giggles]

[coughing]

Drat!

Drat!

[male announcer] And all the Wacky Racers

are out ahead of dirty Dick Dastardly.

We're cooked, Muttley. Finished!

Unless we can find a shortcut.

♪♪

A girl alligator?

It's the perfume.

She finds me irresistible.

[grunts]

[male announcer] In people talk, that means "I know a shortcut, cutie.

Follow me."

Let's go!

[engine revving]

[male announcer] Back to the Wacky Racers

as they approach the Bottomless Bogs.

Now, how will they get across?

Red Max wings it, towing the Ant Hill surfers

and the Surplus Six is going to use fire power.

whoosh

We made it, Sarge.

Hey, knucklehead, wait for me!

Boom

clang

Thanks a lot.

[engine revving]

[male announcer] And the double zero sneaks into first place.

Thanks to his misguided guide.

Hot ziggidy! We're going to win!

There's the finish line.

Okay, lady gator, get lost.

We don't need you anymore.

Full speed ahead!

[engine revving]

[grunting]

[male announcer] Which means, "Come back here, cutie."

♪♪

Dick Dastardly's passing everybody...

...the wrong way!

[grunting]

And there's the finish line.

Hear the swamp folks cheer!

[yawning]

Penelope Pitstop turns on a great burst of speed.

Just making up for last time, sugar.

[male announcer] But not enough to catch the Chuggabug.

Rufus Ruff Cut is chopping the distance in half

and goes into the lead.

Guess it's time to go fishing.

Twang

[male announcer] Luke is putting on extra power by reeling himself in!

He winds his way past Rufus Ruff Cut...

...and the Arkansas Chuggabug comes in first!

Rufus Ruff Cut in second...

...and the Compact Pussycat third.

[engine revving]

But where's Dick Dastardly? Where can he be?

[laughing]

Look, Miss Gator, maybe to you I'm irresistible

but believe me

this will never work.

Mwah mwah mwah

[speaks indistinctly]

Oh, I was afraid you'd say that.

♪♪

[male announcer] And they're off again!

The Wacky Race goes on and on.

Each driver determined to win.

Maneuvering for position, looking for the opening

that will put him in the lead.

The Ant Hill Mob uses getaway power.

Red Max, in the Crimson Haybailer

makes his move.

The Arkansas Chuggabug uses jet power.

And the Creepy Coupe pours it on with dragon power.

Oh, it's going to be a great race, folks!

Hey, wait a minute!

Stop!

crash crash crash

This race starts next week.

Next week? That means I'll get a good start on the other end.

Crash

Drat! Drat! And double Drat!

[laughing]

♪♪