Original subtitles

♪♪

[male announcer] And now, here they are!

The most daredevil group of daffy drivers

to ever whirl their wheels in the Wacky Races.

'Competing for the title of

The World's Wackiest Racer.'

The cars are approaching the starting line.

First is The Turbo Terrific driven by Peter Perfect.

Next, Rufus Ruff Cut and Sawtooth in The Buzzwagon.

Maneuvering for position is The Army Surplus Special.

Right behind is The Ant Hill Mob

in their Bulletproof Bomb.

And there's ingenious inventor

Pat Pending in his Convert-A-Car.

Oh, and here's the lovely Penelope Pitstop

the glamour gal of the gas pedal.

Next, we have the Boulder Mobile

with the Slag Brothers Rock and Gravel.

Marching along is the Creepy Coupe with the Gruesome Twosome.

And right on their tail is The Red Max.

And there's the Arkansas Chuggabug

with Luke and Blubber Bear.

Sneaking along last is that Mean Machine

with those double-dealing do-badders

Dick Dastardly and his sidekick, Muttley.

And even now they're up to some dirty trick.

And they're off...

...to a standing start. And why not?

They've been chained to a post by shifty Dick Dastardly

who shifts into the wrong gear.

And away they go

on the way-out Wacky Races.

♪♪

[male announcer] What's that thundering hue and cry?

It's the Wacky Racers passing by.

On their way to Tuba, Washington.

And look who's leading

'Dick Dastardly, super villain

of the Wacky Races.'

Followed by Rufus Ruff cut in The Buzzwagon.

And Professor Pat Pending in The Convert-A-Car.

I'll shoot an instant tree seed to slow them down.

Pfft

[whizzing]

Thud

[rumbling]

Timber!

Swish

whoosh

[country music]

Crash

[male announcer] Ha ha ha, that put you out of

the Wacky Race, Dick Dastardly.

Oh, yeah?

When I'm through, I'll be the only one left

to win this Wacky Race.

[laughing]

[male announcer] The Grambo Brothers have bumped their way to first place.

Oh, The Compact Pussycat seems to be having engine trouble.

Let me check that engine for you, Pretty Penny.

Oh, thank you, Peter

but there's really no need to.

[clattering]

See? I'm just popping corn.

Oh, dear, I guess I put

too much corn in my engine.

Umm, perhaps, just a little more butter.

[male announcer] And as the Wacky speed beat goes on

so does Dick Dastardly's villainy.

Uh, why the bicycle pump, Dick?

Why, indeed.

To blow up that giant balloon

I have placed on the highway.

As the Wacky Racers approach

Muttley here, will puncher it

with his peashooter.

And Kablam, the blast

will blow all the cars

out of the Wacky Race.

He he he.

Here they come, watch the fun.

♪♪

Drat! A defective valve.

I'll blow it up myself.

Huff huff huff

[upbeat music]

Huff huff huff

Yikes!

Help, Muttley. Quick, get me down.

Pfft

boom

crash

[laughing]

[male announcer] At this point, The Army Surplus 6 is in the lead.

Hey, sarge, The Ant Hill Mob is gainin' on us.

Don't worry, Meekly. I'll push them back.

[water splashing]

That should slow them down.

Boom

Watch out, Meekly. Duck!

[male announcer] And number 7, The Ant Hill Mob takes a wide lead.

What happened, Clyde?

Crazy car wash put us in the lead.

Swoosh

What was that?

[male announcer] That was The Ant Hill Mob.

How will you stop them, Double Zero?

I'll think of something, believe me.

[siren wailing]

[male 1] Okay, pull over.

You were doing 90 miles an hour.

So were you, officer. But I'll drop the charges.

You see I was after The Ant Hill Mob.

- The Ant Hill Mob? - Yeah.

Wow, thanks. I'll catch 'em.

[motorcycle engine revving]

[siren wailing]

Cheese it, boss, the police.

Keep your cool, guys.

We'll hide out in that circus.

[engine revving]

Where'd they go? Where are they?

Screech

They went up in that dressing room.

Thanks, I'll grab 'em when they come out.

[gibberish]

Hey, just a minute. Who are you guys?

You're looking for The Ant Hill Mob?

[male 1] Yeah.

Well, we're The Seven Flying Credenzas.

The mob went that way.

- Straight up? - Yeah.

Thanks, I'll catch 'em.

[engine revving]

[male 1] Alley-oop.

What this circus needs is a ringmaster.

♪♪

Ladies and gentlemen

I give you...

'...The Seven Flying Credenzas.

[audience cheering]

I'm afraid of this great height.

I'm not. I'm afraid of that great depth.

The first stunt is called

A Race For The Top.

A Credenza will execute a multiple somersault

from the high trapeze...

♪♪

...and try to land in that tub

before I can remove it.

And there he goes.

I hope.

♪♪

Swish swish swish

Hey, Ring-A-Ding, catch me.

Screech

splash

Thanks, Ring-A-Ding.

Curses! Drats and phooey!

[Dastardly] Their next stunt calls for the Credenzas

to be shot out of a cannon from the circus ground

two miles away and grab the trapeze

hanging from the helicopter.

Your cue, Muttley. Make with a nasty laugh.

[laughing]

Boom

♪♪

Grab somethin', Ring-A-Ding. Anything.

Help.

Look, sarge.

It's Penny Pitstop

being kidnapped

by the trapeze artists.

Operation Airlift!

Boom

We made it, guys.

On the double, Meekly. Go.

[upbeat music]

Boom

Oh, boy.

[laughing]

- You alright, Miss Penny? - Oh, that was groovy, sarge.

But, oh dear, I'm late for the Wacky Race.

Swish

So are we, guys.

Swish swish swish

And so am I.

Crash

[engine revving]

[male announcer] Now it's anybody's race as the Wacky Racers turn it on.

Only one mile away from victory.

In the lead, The Chuggabug running bear foot.

[gibberish]

[upbeat music]

The Creepy Coupe has crept into second place.

Followed by The Convert-A-Car

which now converts to yo-yo power.

♪♪

Boing boing boing

boing boing boing

[male announcer] But here comes the Double O

Dick Dastardly pours it on and passes the other races.

He takes the lead. Amazing!

Dick's doing it the honest way, without cheating.

Right, I'm going to win this race fair and square

even if I have to cheat to do it.

[male announcer] And roaring down the home stretch

is Dick Dastardly a sure winner.

screech

Something's wrong, The Double O has come to a stop.

[engine revving]

And the winner is

number 9, Peter Perfect in The Turbo Terrific.

Professor Pat Pending comes in second.

And in third place is the The Arkansas Chuggabug.

♪♪

The Double O is yet to reach the finish line.

Ha ha. What happened, Dick?

I stopped to give someone my autograph.

[male announcer] Oh, you're kidding. Who'd want your autograph?

Him.

[laughing]

[male announcer] From downtown, Death Valley to uptown, Doom Town

the Wacky Racers are off for the Desert Derby.

The cars are just inching along now in the deep sand

trying to get a fraction of traction.

[chugging]

But what's this?

Back at the starting line is Dick Dastardly.

Now-now, what's he up to?

With my cannon ball power, I'll soon be up there.

Boom

♪♪

[male announcer] Dastardly has just shot into the lead, folks.

Naturally, I'd like to start things off with a...

Whoosh

Dang.

Kaboom

[country music]

Boom

[male announcer] Dick Dastardly is in first place now

but he seems to have gone to pieces.

Drat.

[laughing]

[honking]

[grumbling]

[male announcer] Meanwhile, in second place

Peter Perfect and his Turbo Terrific is driving up a storm.

The Arkansas Chuggabug is sailing into third position.

And here comes The Ant Hill Mob on the run

in the fourth place.

boing boing boing

Mush, you guys. Mush.

[male announcer] The Creepy Coupe is being spirited away

into fifth position...

...with pretty Penelope Pitstop hitching a ride.

Meanwhile, the Slag Brothers are pushing hard.

But now the worst is over and it's downhill all the way.

[gibberish]

Swish

[country music]

[male announcer] Yes, this race certainly has

it's ups and downs.'

Ha ha ha.

And here's Rufus Ruff Cut, one of the hottest Wacky Racers

gaining a foot at a time.

I could go faster if I didn't had sand in my shoes.

[male announcer] Uh-oh, the Boulder Mobile is headed straight for Rufus.

boom

squeak squeak squeak

Thanks for the push, Slags.

[male announcer] What's this?

fizz fizz fizz

The Double Zero having trouble?

No, dum-dum.

With these balloon tires

I can fly along this desert.

Boom

[male announcer] Ha ha. I see what you mean, Dick.

[laughing]

Thud

Drat! How can I win this race?

[male 2] Easy, master.

- Oh, oh, who said that? - I did.

Just remove the cork and release me from this bottle.

pop

Who are you?

Whoosh

I am Abu Boo Boo

the magic genie.

Your wish is my command.

A magic genie, eh?

Say, I have a great idea.

With your magic and my meanness

I shall win this race.

[laughing]

Now, listen to my sneaky scheme.

[mumbling]

[male announcer] Meanwhile, with Peter Perfect in the lead

the Wacky Racers are roaring across the desert.

[engine revving]

Okay, Abu Boo Boo, are you ready?

But, master, I am not good at being bad.

You'll learn.

[both laughing]

[Dastardly] Now, make a raging river up here in front of the racers.

A mirage? Yes, master.

Clink clink

[swooshing]

Screech

screech

screech

Uh-oh, it's a roaring river.

Nonsense Clyde. It's only a mirage.

- Just our imagination. - So?

[Peter] So, we'll just imagine there's a bridge.

cling

[Clyde] Hey, it worked.

[country music]

[engine revving]

[laughing]

The others must have turned back by now.

And there's the river ahead.

Those dum-dums didn't even know

this is just a mirage

and this river really isn't...

Splash

...real.

Alright, Boo Boo, get us out of here

where it's high and dry.

Yikes!

High enough, master?

I didn't say on top of a mountain.

Very well. No mountain.

Oh, no!

Crash

[mumbling]

Boo Boo, you dum-dum, put us out

in front of the Wacky Racers.

[Boo Boo] As you command, master.

Right out in front...

...of the Army Surplus Special.

clang

Drat!

Boom

boom boom

clang

thud

Double drat!

[laughing]

Fizz

[Muttley mumbling]

[male announcer] And the Wacky beat goes on and on

with Peter Perfect back in the lead.

Followed by Professor Pat Pending

in the middle of a sandstorm.

Uh, professor, you don't stand a chance in that sand.

You've got it all wrong, sonny.

It's the sand that doesn't stand a chance...

...against my vacuum cleaner power.

[whirring]

[upbeat music]

Swish

You might say, I have the race in the bag.

[laughing]

This is your last chance.

One more boo-boo

and you're through, Boo Boo.

- Now let's get them. - Yes, master.

tinkle tinkle

Behold! A flying insect.

Flatten him!

[engine revving]

Clang

[Boo Boo] Woops! Wrong insect.

Drat!

Well, there's always the 1 000 pound anvil trick.

Not on me, you dum-dum!

Sorry about that, master.

[Dastardly] Never mind. Here come the Wacky Racers. Drop it!

[whizzing]

Oh my, eh, there's a 1 000 pound

anvil dropping on me.

[laughing]

Boing

thud

[laughing]

Thud

Get me out of here, you blundering boob.

A thousand pardons, master.

Now, get me to the finish line fast.

Yes, master.

A flying carpet will get you there in no time at all.

Boing

And away you go.

[engine revving]

[male announcer] The wacky beat goes on

with the Wacky Racers approaching the finish line

at uptown Doom Town.

Making the lead is The Ant Hill Mob

using foot powder, I-I mean, uh, foot power.

Coming up fast is The Slag Brothers

using club power.

The Creepy Coupe in overdrive dragon power.

Yes, folks, it's anybody's race.

Uh, but wait, what-what's that coming over the horizon?

Why, it's Dick Dastardly on a flying carpet.

You were expecting maybe a flying saucer?

Of course it's me Ricky Dicky

and I'm going to win this race.

[male announcer] And it sure looks like Dastardly is right

as he flies into the lead.

[laughing]

See you dum-dums at the finish line.

Thud

thud

♪♪

Drat!

[male announcer] And here come the Wacky Racers across the finish line.

[engine revving]

And the winner is

number 9, The Turbo Terrific

driven by Peter Perfect.

The Buzzwagon is second.

And The Creepy Coupe took third place.

[Boo Boo laughing] Pardon me for laughing

but you look ridiculous.

I'll teach you to laugh

if I were in your place.

[Boo Boo] Your wish shall be granted.

tinkle tinkle

Now, you are in my place...

...former master.

Swish

thud

Drat!

[laughing]

[male announcer] And they're off again.

The Wacky Race goes on and on.

Each driver determined to win, maneuvering for position

looking for the opening that will put him in the lead.

The Ant Hill Mob uses getaway power.

Red Max of The Crimson Haybailer

makes his move.

The Arkansas Chuggabug uses jet power.

And The Creepy Coupe pours it on with dragon power.

Oh, it's gonna be a great race, folks.

Hey, wait a minute.

Stop!

[clattering]

This race starts next week.

Next week?

That means I'll get a good start on the others.

Crash

[Dastardly] 'Drat! Drat!

And a double drat!'

[laughing]

♪♪