Original subtitles

[theme music]

[male announcer] And now, here they are!

The most daredevil group of daffy drivers

to ever whirl their wheels in the wacky races.

Competing for the title of the World's Wackiest Racer.

The cars are approaching the starting line.

First, is the Turbo Terrific driven by Peter Perfect.

Next, Rufus Ruff Cut and Sawtooth in the Buzzwagon.

Maneuvering for position is the Army Surplus Special.

Right behind, is the Ant Hill Mob in their Bulletproof Bomb.

And there's the ingenious inventor, Pat Pending

in his Convert-A-Car.

Oh, here's the lovely Penelope Pitstop

the glamor gal of the gas pedal.

Next, we have the Boulder Mobile

with the Slag brothers, Rock and Gravel.

Lurching along, is the Creepy Coupe with the Gruesome Twosome

and right on their tail is the Red Max.

And there's the Arkansas Chuggabug

with Luke and Blubber Bear.

Sneaking along last, is that Mean Machine

with those double-dealing do-badders

Dick Dastardly and his sidekick, Muttley.

And even now, they're up to some dirty trick.

And, they're off...

...to a standing start. And why not?

They've been chained to a post by shifty Dick Dastardly...

...who shifts into the wrong gear.

And away they go on the way-out Wacky Races!

Today, the wacky racers are zooming on the first lap

of a real wacky race.

From Elbow Grease, Ohio to Ripsaw, Arkansas.

Out in front is Peter Perfect with a long, long lead.

But here comes the Arkansas Chuggabug.

Huh? Where? Where?

Hold on, Blubber. We're gonna let her rip.

Yee-hoo!

[whimpering]

Vroom

A-a-achoo!

Oh, shucks!

[upbeat music]

[male announcer] As the race continues

Professor Pat Pending in the Convert-A-Car

makes a bid for the lead.

And he makes it!

The Professor's just taken first place away

from Dick Dastardly.

Oh, what a clever move!

You think so, eh?

But not as clever as the move I'm about to make.

[male announcer] 'Now, what are you going to do, Dastardly?'

Cheat. What else? Heh heh heh.

Watch.

Vroom

[peppy music]

Now, I'm back in the first place.

Cheaters always win.

[laughs]

Crash

Sometimes, that is.

[peppy music]

[male announcer] The pack, maneuvering for position

picks up the pace.

And Penelope Pitstop, seeing an opening

puts on a burst of speed

followed closely by the Buzzwagon.

My gosh! Looks like Miss Penelope is in trouble.

Oh, dear! Whatever shall I do?

What seems to be the problem, Miss Penelope?

[tires skidding]

Oh, yeah, stuck in the mud.

Allow me to assist you.

Why, how terribly sweet of you!

Are you sure it isn't too much trouble?

Well, for a lumberjack...

[laughs]

...it's nothin'. Observe.

[grunting]

Oh! Thank you ever so ever, Mr. Lumberjack, sir!

Whoosh

[male announcer] As we pick up the racers on the scanner-scope

they're still bunched together heading for the high country.

The Slag brothers are now leading

followed by Red Max, in the Crimson Haybailer

and in the third place, the Creepy Coupe.

The rest of the Wacky Racers keep a steady pace.

Each driver looking for an opening.

And bringing up the rear is the Ant Hill Mob.

Alright, you guys, let's make with the getaway power.

Oh, gee, boss, why don't we stay in last place?

That way we know we ain't bein' followed.

You heard me, ring-a-ding. Get going!

Yeah, sure, boss. Sure.

[country music]

[male announcer] Now, it's the Ant Hill Mob in the lead

the Slag brothers are second.

Red Max and the Creepy Coupe

are fighting for third place.

I wonder what's happened to Dastardly.

Hurry, Muttley. Hurry.

Thwack thwack thwack

Well, I should have known.

Looks like dirty Dick Dastardly is up to no good.

- What's that? - I said you're up to no good.

Oh, on the contrary. This scheme is very good.

Muttley will chop down this bridge,

and the race ends for the rest

while I go on to the finish line.

Faster, Muttley, faster.

[muttering]

What did you say?

That's better. Here they come.

Let's get out of here, Muttley, and watch the fun.

[dramatic music

[engines revving]

Curses! They got across. What went wrong?

♪♪

Thump thump thump

Hmm.

Crash

screech

[snickering]

[male announcer] As the remaining racers near the bridge,

it's Rufus Ruff Cut out in front.

My gosh!

[tires screeching]

The bridge, it's gone.

Quick, we'll build another one.

[peppy music]

[whirring]

Nice work, my little friend. Let's go.

[engines revving]

[male announcer] The leaders are bunched together.

And now the Creepy Coupe shifts into dragon power.

[roaring]

Red Max takes to the air.

I will take to the air.

Max passes the Slag brothers, the Ant Hill Mob...

...and is about to pass the Creepy Coupe.

[roaring]

Oh! Pardon me.

[male announcer] Peter Perfect in the Turbo Terrific makes his bid

to take the lead and pours it on.

Heavens! How embarrassing!

Now it's pretty Penelope Pitstop

who challenges the leaders.

I do declare, nothing is going to stop me from winning

this little old race, you hear?

Oh, yeah?

I'll bet my do-it-yourself instant beauty shoppe

will change your mind.

[sniggering]

[brakes squealing]

Well, how nice! A beauty shop.

Now, ain't I the little old lucky one?

I'll just take a little old minute

and get my little old hair shampooed.

Vroom

We're going to win this race yet, Muttley.

[both sniggering]

[male announcer] And it looks like Dick Dastardly might make it

as he zooms into the lead.

Out of my way, slowpokes!

♪♪

But the Surplus Special doesn't give up that easily.

They use fire power.

[indistinct shout] Fire!

Boom

Blast their fire power! I've got to stop them.

Fire!

Boom

Hey, Sarge, look.

The sign says "Column Right."

Well, don't waste time. Column right!

They fell for it, Muttley.

[snickering]

[engine revving]

Crash

thud

Alright, Meekley, you'll get 30 days

in the guardhouse for this.

[laughs]

[engine revving]

[peppy music]

[water pouring]

[water gushing]

[whirring]

Muttley! Muttley, do something!

[snickers]

[male announcer] And as the cars approach the finish line

at Ripsaw, Arkansas, it's, uh, uh...

Zoom

I can't tell who the winner is.

Hold everything for the instant slow-motion replay.

The winner is...

...number ten, the Buzzwagon!

Red Max, number four, is second.

And the Slag brothers are third.

I, uh, wonder what's happened to dirty Dick Dastardly?

I should have won that race, Muttley!

Instead, all I've got is a clean car!

Ooh! Ouch! Ow! Eee! Ooh! Ah!

[snickering]

[male announcer] Today, our Wacky Racers are wending their wacky way

Westward from Oilcan, Oklahoma

to Grease Gun, Texas.

Peter Perfect is purring along in first place.

And Dick Dastardly is running a close second.

Alright, Muttley, get the oil can.

Yeah yeah yeah.

Let him have it, Muttley!

Splot Splot Splot

[tires spinning]

Vroom

Pretty slick trick, eh, Peter?

[laughs]

[snickers]

[tires screeching]

[upbeat music]

[male announcer] Thanks to an oil can

Dick Dastardly's taken the lead away

from Peter Perfect, and is way-out in front.

The rest of the racers are strung up behind

keeping a steady pace.

And Red Max makes his move to get up front.

And he makes it!

Crash

But not the bend in the road.

And Red Max is left high and dry.

Uh, I mean, uh, wet.

It's neck and neck between Rufus Ruff Cut

in the Buzzwagon and number seven, The Anthill Mob.

Clyde decides to use a little strategy to pass Rufus.

Okay, you guys, give me the one-step.

Gotcha, boss.

[carnival music]

Bang bang bang

Come on, come on. Now, back into the car.

[engine revving]

Gee. Thanks for the lift, Miss Penelope.

My pleasure. I'm glad I had the opportunity to be of help.

Hey, Boss, here we are.

Well, just don't sit there, dummy-heads.

Hop in!

Ta-ta, y'all.

Goodbye, ma'am. And thanks again.

[male announcer] And now, it's Professor Pat Pending

who makes a try for the lead.

He's changing the Convert-A-Car into a flying carpet on wheels.

Yes, I think I'll take a little spin.

He passes the Arkansas Chuggabug...

...the Creepy Coupe...

...the Surplus Special and the Slag Brothers.

And it looks like the Professor took a spin, alright.

Dick Dastardly, still leading the pack

approaches Pipeline Junction ahead of the others.

Time for another despicable, dirty deed, eh, Muttley?

Yeah yeah yeah.

[laughs]

[tires screeching]

Come on, Muttley.

Now, help me push this giant pipe onto the road.

[male announcer] I wonder what dastardly trick Dastardly is planning now?

[Dastardly] Push, Muttley, push.

There.

Now, put that sign up on top of the pipe.

[male announcer] "Tunnel, shortcut to finish line. " Oh, so that's it.

Dick Dastardly's going to trap the racers

in that giant pipeline.

Well, how despicable!

♪♪

They'll never find their way out of there.

Drat!

[sniggering]

Thud

[muttering]

[country music]

[male announcer] Trapped in a giant pipeline

the Wacky Racers follow each other across

the mountains without really knowing where they're going.

Hey, Sarge, I don't know where I'm going.

Me neither.

I better take a look around.

[squeaking]

By the right flank, march!

crash

[speaking indistinctly]

Crash

[male announcer] And while the Wacky Racers rattle and rumble

through the pipeline Dick Dastardly

delights in the despicable deed he's done.

[laughs] We have this race in the bag, Muttley.

Or you could say, in the pipe.

[both snigger]

Crash crash crash

Drat!

Drat! And double drat!

[sniggers]

[male announcer] During this minor mix-up

the Ant Hill Mob seems to have muscled in to the lead

over the Surplus Special.

I'm givin' it all she's got, Sarge.

Now, don't forget. We've got Surplus power, Meekley.

Pull in the cannon and I'll start the dry land outboard.

[whirring]

Now, we'll go for a spin!

Meekley!

She's going good, Sarge.

[male announcer] The Arkansas Chuggabug is ahead at this point

but they're in trouble. They're losing steam...

And the other cars roll past them.

We've got to refuel, Blubber.

I'll pull up the back tank.

Okay, Blubber, fill her up.

[male announcer] And Blubber does... with crude oil.

Hold on, Blubber, we're going to get back in the race!

And they're off!

The Arkansas Chuggabug is a real oil burner now.

Well, I do declare, my little old car is a mess!

How dreadful!

Pull over, Meekley. There's a car wash ahead.

And while the others clean up

Dick Dastardly breezes by to take second place.

Now to get past the Chuggabug. Switch to fan drive, Muttley.

Yeah yeah yeah.

[whirring]

♪♪

[coughing]

Whoosh

[whimpering]

And now it's Dick Dastardly in first place.

Yes, and to make sure I win this race

I shall stop the others with an oil well.

[sniggering]

Vroom

Come on, Muttley, come on.

Now, drill, Muttley.

[whirring]

[rumbling] Here she comes!

Back that rig out of here, Muttley.

[oil gushing]

Let's see them get by this gusher.

Here they come.

[engine revving]

Drat and triple drat!

[snickers]

Plop

[muttering]

[male announcer] As the racers near the finish line at Grease Gun, Texas.

The Surplus Special is leading

but Professor Pat Pending pours it on

and takes the lead away from Sarge and Private Meekley.

The rest of the racers are in their heels.

And in the rear, unable to pass

Dick Dastardly makes a desperate move.

He decides to go over the closely bunched racers.

We did it, Muttley! We're in the lead!

We can't lose now!

[snickering]

Thud

And the winner is number three, the Convert-A-Car.

The Surplus Special comes in second

and Rufus Ruff Cut takes third place.

[engine revving]

Muttley, get me down!

Crash

And the Mean Machine crosses the finish line last.

Drat! Drat!

And drat again!

[sniggering]

And they're off again!

The Wacky Race goes on and on.

Each driver determined to win, maneuvering for position

looking for the opening that will put him in the lead.

The Ant Hill Mob uses getaway power.

Red Max of the Crimson Haybailer

makes his move.

The Arkansas Chuggabug uses jet power.

And the Creepy Coupe pours in on with dragon power.

Oh, it's going to be a great race, folks.

Hey, wait a minute.

Stop!

Crash crash crash

This race starts next week.

Next week? That means I'll get a good start on the others.

Crash

Drat! Drat! And double drat!

[sniggering]

♪♪