Original subtitles

[theme music]

[male announcer] And now, here they are.

The most daredevil group of daffy drivers

to ever whirl their wheels in the "Wacky Races."

Competing for the title of the World's Wackiest Racer.

The cars are approaching the starting line.

First is the Turbo Terrific driven by Peter Perfect.

Next, Rufus Ruff Cut and Sawtooth in the Buzzwagon.

Maneuvering for a position is the Army Surplus Special.

Right behind is Ant Hill Mob in their Bulletproof Bomb.

And there's ingenious inventor Pat Pending

in his Convert-a-Car.

Oh, and here's the lovely Penelope Pitstop

the glamor gal of the gas pedal.

Next, we have the Boulder mobile with the Slag Brothers

Rock and Gravel.

Lurching along is Creepy Coupe with the Gruesome Twosome.

And right on their tail is the Red Max.

And there's the Arkansas Chuggabug

with Luke and Blubber Bear.

Sneaking along last is that Mean Machine

with those double-dealing do-badders

Dick Dastardly and his sidekick Muttley.

And even now they're up to some dirty trick.

And they're off!

To a standing start. And why not?

They've been chained to a post by shifty Dick Dastardly

who shifts into the wrong gear.

And awaaay they go!

On the way-out "Wacky Races!"

[male announcer] Roaring along to Rocky Road, Rhode Island

the Wacky Racers are led by that

Dracula of the drag strip Dick Dastardly.

I resent that remark.

- Well, do you deny it? - No, I just resent it.

Uh-oh! Looks like the Ant Hill Mob

and Peter Perfect are going to pass Dick.

Oh, yeah? Over my dishonest body!

I'll keep them in their place with my road-hogger.

[ricochets]

I figured, with a little persuasion

they'd be willing to drop out of the race.

[laughing]

How terribly embarrassing.

Alright, you guys, pardon the expression

but we gotta hang together.

Don't worry, boss

I got the car right here in this hand.

[crashing]

♪♪

[male announcer] Meanwhile, Penelope Pitstop

the pin-up of the pedal-pushers

has moved up to challenge Dastardly for the lead.

If there's anything I can't stand it's a pushy female.

Here, Muttley, you know what to do.

[slurping]

Not you, knucklehead!

Those chocolates are for Penelope.

[grumbling]

Are those little ol' bonbons for little ol' me?

My, how sweet of little ol' you.

Oh, I should have known there'd be some strings attached.

Hang on, Penelope, I'll rescue you.

[male announcer] Professor Pat Pending is converting his Convert-a-Car

to a... bicycle built for two.

Thanks, ever so ever for rescuing me, professor.

My pleasure Penelope.

That's another thing I can't stand...

...a goodie-good do-gooder.

[male announcer] And so, with Dick Dastardly still in the lead

Wacky Race goes on.

[tires screeching]

What have we here?

[Dick Dastardly] "Big Town, City Limits."

I have an idea, Muttley.

Let's show the others some sights in this big town.

- Heh heh. Eh, Muttley? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[snickering]

[engine revving]

[male announcer] And while Dick plays more dastardly tricks

let's see how the other racers are doing.

The Buzzwagon, the Army Surplus Special

and the Arkansas Chuggabug are holding a steady pace.

The Slag Brothers in their Boulder mobile

are trailing them.

Uh-oh. The Slag Brothers have lost a wheel!

[speaking gibberish]

- Wheel gone. Get new one. - Okay.

Bam bam bam bam bam bam

- All set. - Okay. Let's go.

Bap bap bap bap bap bap

Ah, dummy head, you make square wheel.

[male announcer] Meanwhile, Dick Dastardly has reached Downtown Big Town

and hot on his tail lights is the Arkansas Chuggabug.

Oowee.

This is bigger than a county seat at Waller.

Lookie up yonder!

That barn is taller than the corn house back home.

Come on, Muttley.

We're going to give that hillbilly

his first ride on the subway.

[upbeat country music]

Oh, this should be fun.

[laughing]

[snickering]

I think we've stumbled on to a lost mine, Blubber.

[whimpering]

What in tarnation is that?

[Luke] Yeow! It's a one-eyed monster! Let's get out of here!

[Blubber whimpering]

A one-eyed monster. Ha ha, that's rich!

[laughing]

[train chugging]

[snickering]

Hmm.

Here they come, Muttley.

Let's give them a better view of the city.

[male announcer] Looks like Dick Dastardly is up to no good.

Why, that dirty Dastardly has put up a detour sign.

[speaking gibberish]

And the Slag Brothers fell for it.

Follow the Slag Brothers, Meekly!

Right, sarge!

Oh, dear. The Army Surplus Special is turning.

I better turn too.

[engines revving]

There they go, Muttley.

I'd go myself, only I can't stand height.

[laughing]

[snickering]

[male announcer] And so, Dick Dastardly's dirty scheme works.

The racers are following each other

higher and higher up the girders.

[upbeat country music]

Can't say I haven't done my part

to elevate racing to it's highest level.

[chuckling] Right, Muttley?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[snickering]

We might as well finish the race, Muttley.

Looks like the others are up in the air for good.

[laughing]

Muttley! Do something! Help!

[snickering]

[crashing]

Yikes!

Out of the way, you civilian!

Oh, no!

Help!

I beg your pardon, sir.

I don't believe we've been properly introduced.

[Penelope Pitstop] I must ask you to leave.

Muttley! Do something!

[ricochets]

[crashing]

[snickering]

[crashing]

Knock it off, Muttley.

[Muttley snickering]

[male announcer] So, while the rest of the Wacky Racers continue a tour

of the unfinished skyscraper...

...Dick Dastardly heads out of town.

Unchallenged, but not for long.

Professor Pat Pending is converting

the Convert-a-Car into blimp power

and is back in the race.

And not to be outdone the Slag Brothers

use their emergency power.

[explosion]

Pterodactyl power!

The other racers finally find their way down.

And the race continues.

Curses! We are being preempted by a blimp!

Quick, Muttley, man your battle station.

[growling]

You may fire when ready, Muttley.

[machine gun firing]

Remind me to take away your sharpshooter's medal.

[snickering]

[crashing]

[Muttley grumbling]

[male announcer] As our racers leave Big Town and head toward the finish line

at Rocky Road, it's Pat Pending in the lead

followed by the Creepy Coupe and the Slag Brothers.

But here comes Dick Dastardly so look out for more foul play.

Stand by to execute plan "♪-9 Boom Boom", Muttley.

[gulping]

[crashing]

[whimpering]

Boom

Good work, Muttley!

Now, pour the hot tamale sauce into the engine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[engine sputtering]

[Muttley snickering]

[Dick Dastardly laughing]

Better take something for that cough!

[laughing]

And as we near the finish line

it looks like Dick Dastardly all the way!

But wait, he forgot his partner Muttley.

[whistling]

Don't bother me, Muttley.

Can't you see I'm about to win a race?

[screeching]

Hey! What's wrong?

Oh, no!

'And here comes the winner.

It's Number 2 the Creepy Coupe!'

The Slag Brothers Number 1,finish second.

And in third place it's Number 8, Arkansas Chuggabug.

Drat! Double drat!

My motor! Some low-down, despicable crook stole my motor.

[Muttley whistling]

[panting]

Muttley! Why you...

Muttley!

Come back with that motor!

Do you hear me, Muttley? Come back, you crook!

[male announcer] Uh-uh-uh. Don't touch that dial, viewers.

There's nothing wrong with your set.

Just frosted over.

[upbeat country music]

[male announcer] As the Wacky Racers trudge across the frozen North

from frostbite British Colombia

to cold cuts Quebec.

- Ha, is it cold, Rufus? - You betcha.

My hot rod just turned into a cold rod.

Cold hands, warm heart, I always say.

Thank heavens for anti-freeze.

There ain't nothin' like a fur coat on a day like this.

[teeth chattering]

♪♪

[male announcer] Back to the coolest race of the year'

and we find Number 2 the Creepy Coupe...

...moving up into second place.

And flying into the lead

with the Boulder mobile dragging along in second place.

But here comes the double O down the slope on skies.

Oh, it's that dirty Dick Dastardly

up to one of his slippery tricks.

Pretty slick, eh?

[laughing]

[crashing]

Tough luck, Dastardly. Ha ha ha ha.

[laughing] What's tough?

I'm still ahead, am I not?

[male announcer] Yes, but you're running out of time.

So what? My brain runs like clockwork.

[crashing]

Watch this!

[shooting]

♪♪

[engine revving]

Boom

[rumbling]

An avalanche!

Well, I guess that stops the Wacky Racers cold.

Except, I've got a pretty hot idea.

My super-duper scooper will clear the way.

[springing]

[crashing]

[Rufus Ruff Cut] Yeow! I'm snow-blind!

[engines revving]

[springing]

[upbeat country music]

One more for good luck.

Boom

[laughing]

[snickering]

[crashing]

A-a-a-achoo!

- Gesundheit. - Look!

A bridge of ice.

What a bang of a finish for the Wacky Racers.

[laughing]

[snickering]

Crackling

[Dick Dastardly] Here they come, Muttley.

[laughing]

One... two... three...

...four... five... six...

...seven... eight... nine...

...ten... eleven... twelve

Thirteen?

[Dick Dastardly] Drat! It didn't explode!

[male announcer] And here comes dirty Dick Dastardly, last at least.

Oh, well, anyway, we know the bridge is safe.

[hissing]

[explosion]

[Muttley grumbling]

Cut that out.

Either stop complaining, or get out and walk.

[crashing]

[snickering]

[rumbling]

[laughing]

[snickering]

[upbeat country music]

[male announcer] At the half-way mark of the Wacky Race

it's Number 1 out front, just ahead of Peter Perfect.

The Surplus 6 is treading on thin ice.

And skidding back into last place is the Ant Hill Mob.

Alright, you smugs, slip on the ice skates.

[ricochets]

[ant Hill Mob singing]

[singing continues]

Yikes!

[tires screeching]

[Clyde] It's the Abominable Snowman!

[growling]

Go back. Go back.

[growling]

Some scary disguise, eh, Muttley?

We'll make 'em all go back.

[snickering]

[male announcer] The Compact Pussycat moving up now

flirting her way into second place.

[growling]

Why, I do declare, a cute little old adorable snowman.

You pronounce it, abominable.

[growls]

Go back!

Sorry, but my brakes won't grab on this icy old road.

Oh, no!

[crashing]

Haven't you just like the cutest radiator cap I ever did see?

Yikes!

Quick, pull the emergency break.

[Penelope Pitstop] Good idea.

[tires screeching]

[crashing]

[upbeat country music]

[male announcer] Now, that the Gravel brothers are back in the race

they don't tend to be passed by a snowball.

Thud

[whimpering]

[thuds]

Mightest dirt snowflake I ever seen, Blubber.

[whimpering]

[ricochets]

[crushing]

[Dick Dastardly] Drat!

[engines revving]

[Dick Dastardly] Double drat!

Muttley, hit the brakes.

[tires screeching]

[crashing]

Triple drat!

[snickering]

[Muttley grumbling]

A little super-glue should turn this in to a real drag race.

[laughing]

Let her fly, Muttley.

[ricochets]

[male announcer] Oh, It's a pretty sticky situation

for all the racers now.

As Dastardly zooms ahead...

Dastardly doesn't know about my de-glue gizmo.

It just sprays it away.

Amazing! The glue is gone and so is the Convert-a-Car.

But he oversprays and unsticks all the others.

And the race is on again.

[engines revving]

It's the finish line, Muttley.

And the Wacky Racers are almost there.

[whimpering]

Stop sniveling.

I've got another dirty trick up my sleeve.

This balloon is the fastest racer in the world.

[upbeat country music]

[blowing]

♪♪

[male announcer] As we near the finish line

the Crimson Haybailer is out in front.

And the Arkansas Chuggabug is in second place.

But that mean balloon is coming up fast.

[upbeat music]

[male announcer] And wow, the balloon has taken the lead.

Oh, we hate to admit it, folks, but Dick Dastardly

deserves a pat on the back.

Whack

[hissing]

[upbeat music] Here they come.

And the winner is... Number 4, the Crimson Haybailer.

The Arkansas Chuggabug is second.

And the Ant Hill Mob is third.

[engines revving]

Dick Dastardly floats across the finish line in last place.

Drat!

[air hissing]

Muttley!

Do something!

Help!

[snickering]

[male announcer] And they're off again! The Wacky Race goes on and on.

Each driver determined to win, maneuvering for position

looking for the opening that will put him in the lead.

The Ant Hill Mob uses getaway power.

Red Max of the Crimson Haybailer

makes his move.

The Arkansas Chuggabug uses jet power.

And the Creepy Coupe pours it on with dragon power.

Oh, it's going to be a great race, folks.

Hey, wait a minute. '

Stop!

[crashing]

This race starts next week.

Next week?

That means I'll get a good start on the others.

[crashing]

Drat! Drat! And a double drat!

[snickering]

♪♪