Original subtitles

[theme music]

[male announcer] And now, here they are.

The most dare devil group of daffy drivers

to ever whirl their wheels in the "Wacky Races."

Competing for the title of the World's Wackiest Racer.

The cars are approaching the starting line.

First is the Turbo Terrific, driven by Peter Perfect.

Next, Rufus Ruff Cut and Sawtooth in the Buzzwagon.

Maneuvering for position is the Army Surplus Special.

Right behind is the Ant Hill Mob

in their Bulletproof Bomb.

Then there's in genius inventor Pat Pending

in his Convert-a-Car.

Oh, and here's the lovely Penelope Pitstop

the glamour gal of the gas pedal.

Next we have the Boulder mobile

with the Slag brothers, Rock and Gravel.

Lurching along is Creepy Coupe with the Gruesome Twosome

and right on their tail is the Red Max.

And there's the Arkansas Chuggabug

with Luke and Blubber Bear.

Sneaking along last is that Mean Machine

with those double-dealing do-badders

Dick Dastardly and his sidekick, Muttley.

And even now they're up to some dirty trick.

And they're off!

To a standing start. And why not?

They've been chained to a post by shifty Dick Dastardly

who shifts into the wrong gear.

And awaaay they go!

On the way-out "Wacky Races."

[male announcer] There go the Wacky Racers as they zip their zany way

towards the finish line in Chillicothe, Ohio.

Peter Perfect in number nine is leading the field

but right behind him, Surplus six with a corking good idea

to make Peter Perfect not so perfect.

[explosion]

[carnival music]

[male announcer] As the Army Surplus six takes the lead

Prof. Pat Pending comes up with another wacky invention.

Seven-league boot power.

How about that?

A bubblegum gun.

About to gum up the professor's works.

And it works.

Right back.

As Surplus six comes to a sticky stop...

...Prof. Pat Pending takes a wide lead

with the other Wacky Racers and in hot pursuit.

The Ant Hill Mob make a getaway, could be a winner.

But Luke in the Arkansas Chuggabug

could turn out to be a sleeper.

The Creepy Coupe doesn't give the others a ghost of a chance.

And the unhappy Slag Brothers have dropped out

with a flat tire.

While up ahead on a bridge there's villiany afoot.

Oh, it's that diabolical doer of dire deeds, Dick Dastardly.

Nobody's winning this Wacky Race but me.

[male announcer] And how do you propose to do that, you villain?

[sniggering]

This cord is attached to a slab

covering a hole in the road.

When the wacky racers reach it, I yank the slab away

and down they go, out of the race.

And I breeze in the winner.

[sniggering]

[carnival music]

Here they come.

Drat! Their speedy wheels.

[growling]

[grunting]

Muttley!

[splash]

Muttley!

[Dick Dastardly] Drop me a line!

[sniggering]

[male announcer] Back to our radarscope, what a nerve-wracky race it's become.

Prof. Pat Pending is leading

as the Ant Hill Mob does a sneak play

and highjacks the professor to steal first place from him.

Hello, there. Where's Penelope Pitstop?

Number five is empty.

Oh-oh isn't that cute? She's out to lunch.

Darling of you to prepare the picnic, Penelope.

And I have your favorite dessert.

Deep dish chuckle-berry pie.

Ooh, there goes your lil' ol' pie.

Blubber Bear, I sure got me the hungries

for a chunk of deep dish chuckle-berry pie.

Splat

Mm-mm.

[slurping]

Why, I can almost taste it.

Here, you can lick the dish.

[male announcer] Now the Ant Hill Mob is in the lead.

But the Buzzwagon with Rufus Ruff Cut and fuzzsaw

buzzes through.

Crash

Uh, where is the rest of the car, Clyde?

There it goes, right behind Peter Perfect.

[Clyde] Come on, let's take a shortcut, Shorty

and head him off at the pass.

Right, Clyde.

[Clyde] Geronimo!

[crashing]

Nice of you fellows to drop in

but it's a little crowded in here.

Oops, wrong car.

[ricochets]

[male announcer] And Ant Hill Mob is once again on its run.

We've got to stop the Ant Hill Mob, Muttley.

And I just got a dastardly idea.

Quick, into the empty police car.

We'll scare 'em right out of the Wacky Race.

[sniggering]

[upbeat country music]

Alright, Ant Hill Mob, pull over.

[sniggering]

It's the highway patrol.

[tires screeching]

Let's get outta here, guys. Fast.

[ricochets]

Well, what's this place, Clyde?

It's the itty Bitty League Ball Park.

Quick, into the locker room.

[whistle blowing]

It's the police!

Hey, what are you doing in my squad car?

Let's get out of here, Muttley.

Halt! Come back here.

Here he comes. We better get into the ball game.

[ricocheting]

Have you seen a sneaky looking guy with a dog?

Who's sneaky?

I mean, no, sir.

Uh-oh. There's the policeman again.

Quick, make like a little league team.

[indistinct chattering]

Come on, Muttley, we'll play ball my way.

Sneaky.

[male announcer] Meanwhile, back at the Wacky Races...

...the Slag Brothers have just passed the Creepy Coupe.

And the Creepy Coupe shifts into stormy weather.

[screeching]

[ricochets]

[thrashing]

[thunder rumbling]

[male announcer] And at the itty Bitty League...

Alright, now, put it right over plate

so I can knock it out of the park.

Not this solid steel ball, he won't.

[wobbling]

[sniggering]

[ricochets]

You're out!

Put it right down the old alley.

I'll put you down the old alley...

...with this multiple bomb ball.

[explosion]

One thing for sure, he's having a ball.

[laughing]

[sniggering]

I don't like the way that big guy is treating

those Itty Bitty leaguers. I'm gonna get into the game.

[engine revving]

[gibberish]

[ricochets]

Sawtooth, get me a real size bat.

[whirring]

Alright, big boy, put it over the plate.

[speaking gibberish]

[ricochets]

I've got 'em. I've got 'em.

[crashing]

[sniggering]

Give him all you've got, Rufus.

Here goes my double trouble buzz ball.

[Clyde] Get him at first, Rufus.

[ricochets]

[feet screeching]

Muttley!

[male announcer] Wacky Racers go go go, taking a horse shoe curve

Prof. Pat Pending is busy at the controls of Convert-a-Car.

I wonder what gimmick he's coming up with now.

Oh, an arrow power? I don't believe it.

Wow, I believe it!

And the Professor takes the lead away from Red Max.

And now Red Max's flying machine is taking off

leaving Red Max far behind.

Meanwhile, back at the Dastardly Deeds Department...

I'm going to stop those wacky racers

with the old crawling baby on the road routine.

[sniggering]

As the Wacky Racers approach, they'll swerve on to that bridge

with a blimp attached.

I cut the rope holding the bridge down

and the blimp lifts the bridge and the cars up, up, and away.

Here they come, Muttley.

Help! Help!

Look out for my little baby.

[Muttley cooing]

Up, up...

...and awaaay!

[crashing]

Muttley!

[snickering]

[male announcer] As the Wacky Racers near the finish line in Chillicothe...

...the road is blocked by a rock slide.

No problem.

Eighth rock in the corner pocket.

[crashing]

[male announcer] In the home stretch, Prof. Pat Pending back

to his seven-league boot power

is still in the lead.

But close behind is the Surplus six.

Let's try the bubblegum again.

Boom

Hah, missed me.

I've heard being stuck in a rut, but bubblegum?

[male announcer] And the Surplus six is the winner!

Penelope Pitstop is second.

And the Slag brothers are third.

While up, up, and away goes Dick Dastardly.

Muttley, do something. Get me down!

[sniggering]

[upbeat country music]

[male announcer] And there they go again.

The wildest...

...the zappy...

...wacky...

...pappy...

...Wacky Racers.

And today's Wacky Race from Sawdust, Saskatchewan

to Sharkstump, Oregon

plying through the rugged lumber country.

[screeching]

I think that I shall never see a roadblock lovely as a tree.

[laughing]

[whirring]

Timber!

Uh-oh, the double O.

Curses!

Faster, Muttley, faster I say.

[sniggering]

[male announcer] Alright, back to the racers.

Uh, Rufus Ruff Cut in number ten takes an early lead

with the Chuggabug right behind.

[whimpering]

In third place, the Compact Pussycat

with Crimson Haybailer fourth, and Convert-a-Car fifth.

But hold on, the Crimson Haybailer

is going over the top.

And the Convert-a-Car has changed...

...uh, into a ditch-digger.

[crashing]

I say, we've done it again.

Heavens, I do declare, my hair's a perfect mess.

Shows you accidents can be dangerous.

Oh, you look beautiful any place.

Especially, last place. Ha ha ha!

Now, the double O moves up into third position

and it's gaining on one and--

[male announcer] Hold it, hold it. I'll do the talking here, Dastardly.

You do the driving.

The double O is gaining on the Buzzwagon

and is shifting into file power.

[screeching]

Whoosh

[sniggering]

[laughing]

And now Dastardly closes in on number eight.

The Arkansas Chuggabug.

[muttering]

They're flooding the boiler.

The Chuggabug's losing steam.

And the Mean Machine takes over the lead.

You said it, pops.

Nice guys finish last.

[laughing]

[sniggering]

Here comes the Buzzwagon again with a new wheel.

Followed by number five.

Hiya, Ms. Penelope. Uh, What's new?

Hydraulic valve lift, turbine power cams

and magwheels, y'all.

[male announcer] The Surplus Special.

Great tie rods, we forgot all about them!

And sarge is shifting into high overdrive.

Meanwhile, Dick Dastardly is about to perpetrate

another mean scene.

[tires screeching]

I think that I shall never see a roadblock lovely as a tree.

[sniggering]

Don't laugh. I know, I know.

Last time I cut on the right and she fell to the left.

But this time, I cut on the left

and she's got to fall to the right. Ha ha ha!

Right, Muttley?

Right.

[Dick Dastardly] Here they come.

[whirring]

Timber!

Hurry, Muttley but be careful.

Ouch, ooch, ooh.

Watch it now. Ow! Eech!

ooch ooh ahh.

[male announcer] Back to the track.

The Creepy Coupe number two

is beginning to make its move.

Little Gruesome here is shifting into dragon power.

blop

[growling]

Fire!

Boom

[yelping]

At the half way mark of the Wacky Races, uh

we can't see the cars because of the trees.

So, we switch you now to our control tower

high above the tall timber.

The Buzzwagon's cutting its own road right through the forest.

And Dick Dastardly is following...

...in a full attempt to pass Ruff Cut.

Come on, you Sunday log cutter. Out of my way!

Phooey to you

nasty Dick Dastardly and the dirty double O.

Nyah nyah nyah

Oh yeah. I'll give you a real phooey.

Whoosh

[Ruff Cut groaning]

Whoosh

[Ruff Cut sneezing]

[laughing]

[sniggering]

[male announcer] And once again Dastardly sweeps into the lead.

Vroom

With the Boulder Mobile in the two-spot.

Uh, correction, folks.

The Compact Pussycat in the two-spot.

[gibberish]

Wham wham wham

[groaning]

And number three the Convert-a-Car

passes number one.

[gibberish]

Wham wham wham

bonk bonk bonk

Alright?

[together] Alright.

[male announcer] Meanwhile, Dick Dastardly is going out on a limb

to louse up the taggers.

Oh, ready, Muttley?

[Dick Dastardly] Ready? Now, pull!

Come on, hurry up. Come on, pull.

The cars are getting through.

Pull, Muttley!

[mumbling]

Let me do it.

stretch

Uh-oh.

Thud

Curses! curses! Foiled again!

All the cars got through!

[sniggering]

Boing

[male announcer] As the cars streak towards the small town in Sawmillvile

the Creepy Coupe has shifted into serpent power

who snaked by the other cars.

Ooh, a snake!

Bonk

[bursting]

[gibberish]

Now, Peter Perfect is going make his move.

He is tuning his Turbo Terrific into perfection.

Ah, absolutely perfect.

Boom

screech

Oh, fiddlesticks.

[whining]

Yes yes, I know. Call me daring, reckless, even impetuous.

This is a calculated risk to win.

[male announcer] Yes, Dick Dastardly is taking a daring shortcut

down a log flume.

[Muttley whining]

Boing

Oh, stop whimpering. We've bounced into the lead.

[laughing]

[sniggering]

[male announcer] Yes, Dick Dastardly's way out in front now.

And just to make sure that he stays there...

Hurry, Muttley. Don't you have that side unbolted yet?

[muttering]

[male announcer] As the rest of the cars bear down on Sawmillvile...

...it's the Surplus Special out in front.

Charge!

Screech

whoosh

[Dick Dastardly laughing]

[Dick Dastardly] Let me see them get past that.

Yike!

To the right flank. Halt.

Bam

Ready, get set, aim!

Button colors. Fire!

Bam

[male announcer] And it's the double O, way, way, way out in front

as it approaches the finish line in Sharkstump, Oregon.

This time we win. Right, Muttley?

Nothing can cut us out.

[laughing]

[sniggering]

[mumbling]

[male announcer] Oh, double O is slowing down, now.

And here come the other cars.

The Ant Hill Mob has a slight lead

but the Creepy Coupe is creeping out.

And it's the Buzzwagon through the middle

And Rufus Ruff Cut is trying to shove ahead.

Hey, you, let go the car.

[gibberish]

Curses. Foiled again!

[sniggering]

[male announcer] And the Buzzwagon, number ten, wins.

The Ant Hill Mob, number seven, with second.

And number two, the Creepy Coupe, for third.

[sniggering]

[male announcer] And they're off again.

The Wacky Race goes on and on.

Each driver determined to win, maneuvering for position

looking for the opening that will put him in the lead.

The Ant Hill Mob uses getaway power.

Red Max of the Crimson Haybailer makes his move.

The Arkansas Chuggabug uses jet power.

And the Creepy Coupe burns it on with dragon power.

Oh, it's gonna be a great race, folks.

Hey, wait a minute.

Stop!

[crashing]

This race starts next week.

Next week?

That means I'll get a good start on the others.

Thud

Drat! Drat! And double drat!

[sniggering]