Original subtitles

[male announcer] And now, here they are.

The most daredevil group of daffy drivers

to ever whirl their wheels in the Wacky Races

competing for the title of the World's Wackiest Racer.

The cars are approaching the starting line.

First is the Turbo Terrific driven by Peter Perfect.

Next, Rufus Ruff Cut and Sawtooth in the Buzzwagon.

Maneuvering for a position is the Army Surplus Special.

Right behind is The Ant hill Mob in their Bulletproof Bomb.

And there is ingenious inventor, Pat Pending

in his Convert-a-Car.

Oh, and here's the lovely Penelope Pitstop

the glamour gal of the gas pedal.

Next, we have the Boulder Mobile

with the Slag Brothers, Rock and Gravel.

Lurching along is the Creepy Coupe

with the Gruesome Twosome and right on their tail

is the Red Max.

And there's the Arkansas Chuggabug

with Luke and Blubber Bear.

Sneaking along last is that Mean Machine

with those double-dealing do-badders, Dick Dastardly

and his sidekick, Muttley.

And even now they're up to some dirty trick.

And they're off to a standing start, and why not?

They've been chained to a post by shifty Dick Dastardly

who shifts into the wrong gear.

And away they go

on the way-out Wacky Races!

Today, the Wacky racers are grinding their way southward

to the finish line at Zippy, Mississippi.

And leading the field by a mile is Dick Dastardly.

Yes! and I'm far enough ahead

to trap the others out of the race.

[laughing]

[country music]

[comical music]

Hurry, Muttley, hurry.

[muttering]

[country music]

Here they come.

And when they drive over that hole

I'll be the only one left in the race.

[laughing]

Hey, what went wrong?

[screeching]

Drat! Double drat! Triple drat! Blast the luck.

It doesn't work.

Thud

[sniggering]

[country music]

[male announcer] Setting a sizzling pace around the levee

the Surplus Six is now in front, but the Ant Hill Mob

in car number seven shifts into getaway gear and surges ahead.

Tanks, fellers. Get it? Tanks.

Hey, sarge, I can't see.

My hat flew off, Jingaling. Stop the car.

[screeching]

[crashing]

Thanks.

Tanks! Step on it, Meekley. Step on it.

Alright you guys, hold on tight.

Come on, come on. Make with the footwork.

[male announcer] And here is pretty Penelope Pitstop

peacefully purring along in third place.

The Slag Brothers are racking along in fourth place

and Professor Pat Pending in the Convert-a-Car is looking

for a way to get past them.

How about that!

The professor's changed the Convert-a-Car into a forklift.

Thud thud

[gibberish]

[male announcer] What's this? Gravel's making a boomerang out of his club.

[comical music]

While the other cars maneuver for positions

Dick Dastardly has shifted Double Zero

into a hydrofoil drive.

And is skimming down the Mississippi

for the finish line.

It's like having the road all to ourselves. Right, Muttley?

[muttering]

Curses! Hydrofoil again.

Faster, Muttley, faster.

[babbling]

[male announcer] Red Max who is trailing the field makes his move

to pass Rufus Ruff Cut.

I'll fly right over him.

I'll cut him down with my left rear tire.

[Rufus Ruff Cut laughing]

[screeching]

[country music]

[male narrator] Oh-oh, looks like Dick Dastardly is up to no good. '

On the contrary, I'm going to give

the rest of the racers a rest.

In midstream that is.

[laughing]

[sniggering]

Hey, sarge, the sign says, "This Way."

Must be some kind of detour. Let's go!

Here they come, Muttley. Duck.

Vroom

[laughing]

Bon voyage, everybody.

[Penelope] Oh, dear, I think we all are been shanghaied.

[male announcer] With the other cars adrift

Dick Dastardly delights in the devilish deed he has done.

It will be lonesome at the finish line, Muttley.

No one will be there, but us.

[laughing]

[sniggering]

What's that?

Faster you, mugs, faster.

[upbeat music]

Drat! The luck.

Foiled by the fancy footwork of the Ant Hill Mob.

[sniggering]

[male announcer] As the Wacky racers streak south past the halfway mark

the Creepy Coupe has captured the lead from the Surplus Six.

And sarge shifts into land-mine power.

Fire one!

Boom

boom

Penelope Pitstop is in third place

but the Arkansas Chuggabug pulls past her.

Oh! Why, of all the nerve!

The Ant Hill Mob is fifth. The Crimson Haybailer is sixth

and close behind is Professor Pat Pending's Convert-a-Car.

It's converting into a jetpack.

And now Pat Pending is jetting ahead to take the lead.

Meanwhile, Dick Dastardly is developing

another despicable deed to delay the other cars.

[gun firing]

Take a look and see who's shooting at us, Muttley.

[clucking]

Just my luck to have a chicken dog.

I'm Colonel Cornpone, sir, and I want to know

what a cotton-picking Yankee carpetbagger

is doing on my plantation?

Well, well, doggone, I sure enough am glad

to meet y'all, Colonel Cornpone.

I'm from the Deep South myself and there's a whole passel

of Yankees chasing me.

[sniggering]

Look yonder. They're coming now.

No Yankees are going to trespass on my land.

[gun firing]

We're under attack. Private Meekley, fire!

Okay, you mugs, let them have it.

[guns firing]

Let's get out of here, Muttley.

Come back and fight, you coward!

Sorry, colonel, I just remembered I'm double-parked.

[gun firing]

[Penelope] Hold on there, sir.

Aren't you ashamed of yourself

shooting at our little old Wacky Race cars?

Race cars?

I thought my plantation was being invaded by Yankees.

Why, colonel, do I sound like a little old Yankee to you all?

No, ma'am, you sure don't.

Thank you, colonel. Mwah.

Woo-ey!

You all can invade my plantation anytime.

Bye-bye, Colonel!

Go, honey child, go. Win that Wacky Race.

[male announcer] As the cars near the finish line

Dick Dastardly has a commanding lead.

I mean leak.

We've stopped, Muttley. What's wrong?

[muttering]

[male announcer] The Army Surplus Six is in second place

but Peter Perfect is coming up fast.

Curses! That Colonel Cornpone shot holes in our gas tank.

Muttley, you plug up the holes, I'll go and get some gas.

Screech

Yikes!

♪♪

[Dick] Drat! Drat! Foiled by a flattened fuel can.

We'll never win the race now.

[sniggering]

Yeow!

[groaning]

[sniggering]

[male narrator] Oh, that was a tough break for Peter Perfect

as the Ant Hill Mob takes the lead away from him.

But Peter Perfect noses them out

and wins by a stretch in the home stretch.

Car number seven is second, and Penelope Pitstop is third.

[crowd cheering]

Listen to that crowd applaud!

Peter Perfect and his Turbo Terrific are mighty popular.

Smooch

[male announcer] Clear the highway. Here they come.

Hear those wacky engines run.

It's the Wacky Racers, roaring along at a nail-biting pace.

And on this leg of the race, they're hot-footing it

from Ankle Ache, Alabama to the finish line

at Shin Splint, Louisiana.

Red Max is desperately trying to keep ahead

of the villainous Dick Dastardly.

[upbeat music]

Thud

Pretty Penelope Pitstop in the Compact Pussycat

has all the other cars in pursuit. Ha ha.

She leads them on a merry chase into dismal swampland.

Oh-oh! Soggy Bogs, that'll slow her down.

Oh! Dear me.

Something's happened to Penelope.

Having automotive trouble, pretty Penny?

I'm giving my little old wheels a quick drip-dry wash.

'Cause they won't run with that dirty old mud on them.

How feminine. Of course they will, Penny, watch.

Splash

On second thought, perhaps you're right.

[country music]

[male announcer] Look who's out in front now?

Say, Dastardly, do you think you can win this Wacky Race?

You bet your bonnet, buster.

Especially after I barricade those blockheads.

[laughing]

Right, Muttley?

[sniggering]

[beeping]

[male announcer] What a dirty trick.

Dastardly has blocked the road behind him.

Watch out, professor!

No problem, I'll just shift to steeplechase horsepower.

While Professor Pat Pending hurdles along

here comes the Buzzwagon.

I'll get by quicker than you can say, suffering sawdust.

[laughing]

Blast their blades, they've buzz-sawed my barricades.

I'll just have to find a better barrier.

Crash

You know, I think I found it, Muttley.

Get the repair kit.

[sniggering]

[male announcer] Meanwhile, the Wacky Race roars on

toward an unmarked intersection.

But they seem to be confused. Now they're really crossed up.

And here comes Dastardly, the double-crossing

demon passing everybody.

Oh, that worm seems to know the right way.

How come, Dastardly?

Very simple. I have a superb sense of direction.

Of course, it helped to have Muttley here

go out last night and swipe the racing signs.

[laughing]

[sniggering]

[male announcer] Why, that's a most, uh, a most uh...

Try despicable.

[male announcer] Despicable trick.

Wrong. Sneaky, maybe. Now, here's a real despicable trick.

[Dick] I'll just pave the road behind with my super-bounce rubber.

It'll be a real highway. Ha ha ha.

[male announcer] Here comes the Crimson Haybailer hopping through.

The Arkansas Chuggabug gets the bounce.

Oops! The Haybailer is out of control.

Look out for Peter Perfect. Oh, that was close.

I didn't know the old Chuggabug had so much get-up and go.

[whimpering]

[male announcer] Pete, are you alright?

Perfect. Did you notice, my car doesn't have a scratch?

[chirping]

Well, maybe one or two.

I hope I brought my hammer and wrench.

Thud

That bouncing road will get them hopping mad.

[laughing]

[sniggering]

[male announcer] Looks like Pat Pending is the next victim.

So, the old bouncing road bit, eh?

I'll counterattack with my super pancake flipper.

[country music]

[male announcer] Ah-ha, I think Dastardly is about to get his.

Hey, what's going on? Help! Help! Ow!

[male announcer] We'll take a short break while Dastardly is wrapped up

in one of his low-down tricks.

Don't go away.

[Dick groaning]

[male announcer] The Slag Brothers are slugging their way into the lead.

They are beating the Gruesome Twosome

in more ways than one.

Hey, they dented our fender, and didn't stop.

That's hit and run. They've got to go back to start.

Dragon power will drag them back.

Thud

We'd like to talk to you, Slags, about a dented fender.

[laughing]

[male announcer] The cars are approaching the famous jungle territory

of the Acme Wild Animal World.

I'm already here, ready to use a little animal cunning

on those slowpokes.

[laughing]

[male announcer] Dastardly, now what?

A short announcement.

Attention!

Acme Animal World will pay $50,000

for the return of a lost, tame, harmless gorilla.

Fifty thou... did you hear that, sarge?

Find that poor, lost, tame, harmless gorilla

and the reward is ours.

Not if Red Max zooms in first.

We'll cut in that 50 grand too, and still win the Wacky Race.

That's what he thinks.

This gorilla suit will stop them all.

[laughing]

[hooting]

[sarge] There he is.

I'll get him.

Ready with the cage, Muttley?

[sniggering]

[sarge] Come on out, tame, harmless gorilla.

[growling]

[sarge] I see him. Now, I got you.

Hey, you're no tame, harmless gorilla.

You're a wild, untamed bear. Aren't you?

[growling]

Meekly, start the engine.

Did you get him, sarge?

Don't ask silly questions. Get going, that's an order.

[laughing]

The Red Max does not give up.

I haven't lost my touch.

That was one of my softest landings.

[bear growling]

Are you the tame, harmless gorilla?

[growling]

Backing out on the deal, eh, Max?

[laughing]

The 50 grand is mine.

[hooting]

The tame, harmless gorilla!

We'll cut away the brush, so he can't hide, Sawtooth.

That bear will stop him.

[screaming]

Out of the way, bear.

Oh, no. Drat!

[screaming]

[Rufus] Hit the brakes, Sawtooth.

[screeching]

I hope he's not hurt. Are you alright, harmless gorilla?

[Rufus] Hey, it's only Dastardly in a monkey suit.

Double drat! My dirty trick fell apart at the seams.

[sniggering]

[Dick] Come on, Muttley. There's a race to be won.

[male announcers] The Wacky Racers have suffered lots of damage

but they somehow continue to limp along

to Shin Splint, Louisiana.

Even Dastardly is catching up.

Yes. Ha ha ha.

Catching up on my sneaky stunts.

Okay, Muttley, now here's how this loser's reaper works.

Aim it at that wagon over there.

This will wrap the race up in a neat little package.

Now, aim it at the cars. No! Not at me, the cars.

Muttley! Muttley! Turn it off!

[muttering]

Turn it off! No!

Thud

Muttley, get me out of here.

[Dick] Muttley!

[sniggering]

[male announcer] Our radarscope shows the rest of the racers in a big jam.

But the Red Max moves ahead.

They're almost to Ankle Ache, Alabama.

Turn cannon and fire a jet blast.

Okay, sarge.

Boom boom

Just one, Meekly.

[male announcer] Oh, too bad, Red Max drops out of the race.

The Arkansas Chuggabug has a hole blasted

through its boiler.

Oh, this race will be finished under a cloud.

It's anybody's victory, folks, and here they come.

Penelope Pitstop first, Peter Perfect second

and the Creepy Coupe third.

Well, well, look what the dog dragged in.

Stop that snickering and find me a Boy Scout to untie these knots

before I need a finger retread.

[groaning]

[male announcer] And they're off again! The Wacky Race goes on and on.

Each driver determined to win, maneuvering for a position

looking for the opening that will put him in the lead.

The Ant Hill Mob uses getaway power.

Red Max of the Crimson Haybailer makes his move.

The Arkansas Chuggabug uses jet power.

And the Creepy Coupe pours it on with dragon power.

It's going to be a great race, folks.

Hey, wait a minute.

Stop!

This race starts next week.

Next week?

That means I'll get a good start on the others.

Drat! Drat! And a double drat!

[sniggering]