Original subtitles

[male announcer] And now, here they are!

The most daredevil group of daffy drivers

to ever whirl their wheels in the Wacky Races.

Competing for the title of The World's Wackiest Racer.

The cars are approaching the starting line.

First is The Turbo Terrific driven by Peter Perfect.

Next, Rufus Ruff Cut and Sawtooth in The Buzzwagon.

Maneuvering for position is The Army Surplus Special.

Right behind is The Ant Hill Mob

in their Bulletproof Bomb.

And there's ingenious inventor

Pat Pending, in his Convert-A-Car.

Oh, and here's the lovely, Penelope Pitstop

the glamour gal of the gas pedal.

Next, we have the Boulder Mobile

with the Slag Brothers, Rock and Gravel.

Marching along is the Creepy Coupe

with the Gruesome Twosome.

And right on their tail is The Red Max.

And there's the Arkansas Chuggabug

with Luke and Blubber Bear.

Sneaking along last is that Mean Machine

with those double-dealing do-badders

Dick Dastardly and his sidekick, Muttley.

And even now they're up to some dirty trick.

And they're off...

...to a standing start. And why not?

They've been chained to a post by shifty Dick Dastardly

who shifts into the wrong gear.

And away they go

on the way-out Wacky Races.

Today's Wacky Races Rally

led by number five, Penelope Pitstop

takes the contestants through a twisting route

from Slip Over, New Jersey

to the finish line at Upsan Downs.

That's Dick Dastardly there, plotting his daily dirty deeds.

[Dastardly] If I stop them here...

[chuckles]

I will win the race.

[chuckles]

♪♪

[male announcer] The Arkansas Chuggabug, car number eight

feeds his motor HRP.

Hot roasted peanuts for more power.

He he he.

[ululating]

[male announcer] Wow! Listen to that motor hum.

That's quite a powerful motor you've got there, Luke.

Yep. And it costs only peanuts to run.

[male announcer] As the Arkansas Chuggabug zooms ahead

the Slag Brothers in car number one

start to make their pitch to regain third place.

Thwack

[upbeat music]

And they go into super-clobber club power

and find themselves in need of

extensive body and fender repairs.

Zip zip

[gibberish]

Rush job.

[male announcer] These Slags are hard competitors.

[clattering]

[gibberish]

Thud

- Alright? - It's alright.

[male narrator] And car number one is back in the Racky Wace.

Oh, I mean, the Wacky Race.

Professor Pat Pending determines to pull ahead

by shifting to sail power.

[whirring]

It looks like he'll win this Wacky Race in a breeze.

But the Creepy Coupe blows up a storm.

[whooshing]

And it's an ill wind that blows no good for the professor.

Dick Dastardly has managed to sneak into the lead

but now the other cars are closing in.

We have to stop them, Muttley.

Perhaps some small dastardly deed will do.

[chuckles]

[growling]

Um, a little realistic paint job...

...and... presto!

We have a realistic chasm in the road.

Now, you can place that

"Bridge Out" warning sign, Muttley.

[sniggering]

Here they come.

[rumbling]

Drat them! No one stopped.

They went right on through. Well, so can we.

Whoosh

boom

[sniggering]

[male announcer] And the wacky beat goes on

as popular Peter Perfect makes a play

for pretty Penelope Pitstop

who has washed out a few things and hung them out to dry.

Number four, The Red Max, trying to gain the lead

takes to the air but finds that clothes

and propellers don't mix.

Crash

[upbeat music]

Hmm, Holiday Amusement Park. Ha ha ha.

This gives me a despicable idea, Muttley.

[male announcer] Say, Dastardly, you can't go into that amusement park.

It's closed.

Well, I'm opening it for a special

Wacky Races surprise party.

He he he.

Fetch the tools, Muttley.

Here they come, Muttley.

I'll work these inside controls

while you throw the road switch we built.

[Dick laughing]

[sniggering]

Screech

clang

[upbeat music]

All aboard for the Roller Coaster.

[sniggering]

[whimpering]

Hee-hoo.

Just like the top of old Smoky.

Hee-hoo!

All aboard for the Mater Horn, Dodg-em, Ferris Wheel

Merry Go Round and all points east.

Something tells me we took a wrong turn.

Woooo.

Hey, Gruesome.

Let's stop for a little seance with our friends.

[growling]

Yaooo.

Hiss hiss

[peppy music]

Max to control. Max to control.

Five kiddy cars at 12 o'clock.

That ought to hold them until we win the race, eh, Muttley?

[chuckling]

Hold on, you dastardly villain.

Double drat! It's the professor.

He's tricky. Let's get out of here.

He's going to get a big kick out of this gadget.

[Pat] Let me give you a lift, you heel.

whoosh

boom

Muttley!

Twang

boom

Muttley!

[sniggering]

Now, to help the others to get back in the race.

[male announcer] The Army Surplus Special trying to make up for lost time

goes into super percolator power.

Wow. Look at them percolate into first place.

[male announcer] Rufus Ruff Cut in car number ten, decides to maneuver

his Buzzwagon so he can block

Peter Perfect in number nine, The Turbo Terrific. '

I say, old chap, would you mind pulling over so I may pass?

He wants a break, does he?

Ha ha ha. Okay.

[tires screeching]

[upbeat music]

Oh, well. Two wheels are better than none.

This wire across the road will stop them.

Brace yourself, Muttley. Here they come.

Swish

Muttley!

[male announcer] This wackiest of Wacky Races

finds car number two, The Creepy Coupe

creeping along in last place.

So they decide to shift into dragon-wheel power.

And away he goes, looking like a winner

as he passes The Slag Brothers

Peter Perfect, The Red Max, The Arkansas Chuggabug

Penelope Pitstop, The Surplus six.

It looks like he'll take the lead away

from The Ant Hill Mob in car number seven.

- Uh, it's gonna pass us, Clyde. - Not if I go into reverse.

Screech

clang

[male announcer] Uh-oh, The Creepy Coupe returns to last place.

This scheme is so dastardly, it even scares me.

Listen, when I throw this basketball through the basket

it'll fall and hit the button on the harpoon gun

sending the harpoon with a steel ball tied to it

over the highway

and stick in the door of that cement trough.

The steel ball will swing and open the door

sending an avalanche of quick-drying cement

down on the highway.

[both laughing]

Here goes.

Drat. I missed the basket.

And there goes the ball.

Hmm, what can I use for a substitute?

Sorry, Muttley, you're it.

Remember now, keep your head down and your tail in.

Yeah, team!

Boom

swoosh

No. Not here, you silly cement.

Muttley!

[sniggering]

Well, don't just stand there, Muttley.

Find a chisel and get me out.

[male announcer] Going into the home stretch

we find The Army Surplus Special in the lead.

Hey, sarge, Looks like a roadblock

just this side of the finish line.

Plow right through it.

Crash

Did that bump hurt you, sarge?

What do you think?

Now, head for that finish line and step on it!

[male announcer] So, while Private Meekley follows the sergeant's orders

and steps on the finish line

Red Max in car number four crosses the line

and is declared the winner.

The Slag Brothers are second

and The Arkansas Chuggabug is third.

Do something. Get me out!

Oh, no! No, no. Not that way!

Huff huff huff

kaboom

Thanks for nothing.

[sniggering]

[male announcer] Today, the Wacky Racers are traveling cross-country

to the finish line in Noahs, Arkansas.

The Ant Hill Mob is in the lead as Red Max tries to pass

forcing number seven to use their prop stopper

and trap his propeller, causing it to wind up

in last place.

♪♪

Meanwhile, Penelope Pitstop in number five

who is in second place decides to tidy up a bit.

Whoosh

Hello there, Penelope my dear.

Well, hiya, Peter Perfect

in beautiful car number nine.

[rattling]

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Peter!

But I have all the pieces.

[Penelope] Perhaps you can put it back together again?

Yes, ma'am.

[male announcer] The Army Surplus Special in second place

goes into triple-traction to take first place

away from The Ant Hill Mob.

On the double-double, Meekley.

[male announcer] Wow, look at them go, with Gi power.

There's Dick Dastardly.

How does he expect to win the race up there?

It's very simple.

This iron ball pendulum will knock

The Surplus six right out of the race.

[laughing]

And here he comes!

Right down the alley for a strike!

Boing

Why are you cringing, Muttley?

Crash

[sniggering]

[male announcer] Slag Brothers are whacking their way into third place

as Professor Pat Pending

converts into an exact copy of the Slag Brothers

and passes the real number one.

[gibberish]

That's us!

- Go! Go! - Go! Go!

And The Slag Brothers cheer their rival

the professor, into third place.

Dick Dastardly has gained the lead

but coming up fast is The Surplus Special.

Double drat! They've got to be stopped.

Uh-ha, that sign gives me a dastardly idea.

Ha ha ha.

[Dastardly] "'Danger, keep out. War games in progress."'

What say we draft The Army Surplus six

back into the service?

[sniggering]

Hey, sarge. Look what's up ahead.

Jumping jeeps, it's a second looey.

Halt!

- Yes, sir. - Yes, sir.

Get that tin can back into the war game, sergeant

and be quick about it!

Aahooo.

[growling]

- Yes, sir. - Yes, sir.

Whoosh

That should keep them out of the Wacky Race for a while.

[sniggering]

[male announcer] And the wacky beat goes on.

The Creepy Coupe, number two, won't let

the Arkansas Chuggabug pass.

Get out of my way, consarn you!

Swish

Aooo.

Blubber, do somethin'.

[whimpering]

Crash

[Luke] Blubber! What you trying to do?

Make a ghost out of me too?

Let's get back to the race, Muttley.

[growling]

Why aren't you in the war game, soldier?

Now get back in there and be quick about it.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Play along, Muttley.

Swoosh

We'll wait until they leave and then go back to the car.

[sniggering]

Boom

[whizzing]

Let's get out of here!

Muttley!

Boy, that was close.

Hey!

Boom

Muttley!

Thud

Thanks a lot, Muttley.

[sniggering]

[explosion]

[whining]

I'm sorry, Muttley old boy. I can't spare the room.

[growling]

[whizzing]

Kaboom

I don't care how hard you knock, Muttley

you're not coming in.

[sniggering]

[upbeat music]

I can't read too well, Blubber

but I think that darn sign says

shortcut to Wacky Race finish line.

Let's go!

Wonder what they're celebratin' with all those fireworks?

purty, isn't it?

Look, sarge. It's The Arkansas Chuggabug.

They'll be blown to bits.

Hello there, sarge. Quite a celebration.

[whimpering]

[whizzing] Muttley!

There's Dastardly on one of them darn newfangled rides.

[whimpering]

[sniggering]

Sure looks like fun.

Wish I could take one of them darn rides.

[whizzing]

Eh, they must have heard me. We're ridin'!

Whe-ee!

Jump, Luke. Jump!

What? And miss all the fun?

Nothing doing.

Whee. Woo-hoo!

Crash

Mighty obliging.

They put us back on the highway!

[Dastardly] Muttley!

crash

[explosion]

Call me when the war is over, general.

[sniggering]

[male announcer] Rufus Ruff Cut's number ten is leading the Wacky Race

but his path is blocked by a flatcar of steel girders

which hides a deep canyon.

But Rufus cuts through and lets the chips fall in his way.

He bridges the gap and is followed

by the other Wacky Racers.

What diabolical scheme are you up to now, Dastardly?

It's a honey.

[chuckles]

I take this beehive

as Muttley lowers me gently to the highway.

When the Wacky Racers hits the beehive

they'll be too beezy to drive.

Get it? Ha ha ha.

[rattles]

Muttley!

Crash

[buzzing] Ouch! Ooh! Aah! Ouch!

[male announcer] And the wacky beat goes on.

As The Arkansas Chuggabug takes the lead

Blubber finds himself out on a limb.

[whizzing]

Thud

Hey, Clyde. There's a bear rug on the roof.

Well, drag it in, I'll use it in my den.

Okay, Clyde.

Hey, it's alive.

I can't use a live rug. Throw it out.

Okay, Clyde.

Crash

[Blubber screaming]

[screaming continues]

Thud

if you can't keep quiet, you can get out and walk.

[whimpering]

[male announcer] Penelope Pitstop's, number five is running last

until a sudden updraft fills her umbrella

and carries her forward to first place.

Pull, Muttley, pull. There.

The trap is set right smack in the middle of the highway.

- Oh, Dastardly. - Hmm?

[male announcer] What is that?

[Dastardly] Why, it's a giant carsnaper, of course.

When a car goes through it, cars nap!

[sniggering]

Here comes one now.

[engine revving]

Drat! Why didn't it snap?

Carsnap, drat you. Carsnap, I say!

Snap

[Dastardly] I'll Carsnap you.

[sniggering]

[male announcer] On go the Wacky Racers. Red Max is first.

But where are the other racers?

Let's check our radarscope, folks, and see.

Oh, what's this? Something's wrong.

Uh, they've all stopped and are neck and neck.

Let's switch back and see.

A drawbridge. No wonder they all stopped.

Thud

And away they go, go, go.

I'll stop them this time, Muttley.

[Dastardly] This toy soldier has a line with a cork

on which is a lighted wick.

The soldier will march and fall into that hole in the road.

The cork will plug the hole

bringing the wick up to light the fuse

which leads to the dynamite attached

to the bottom of that tank

which is filled with chocolate fudge.

And when it explodes, the cars below will become

gooey chocolate fudge sundaes.

Ha ha ha.

[sniggering]

[Dastardly] Here they come. Forward march, soldier.

[sizzling]

Drat, the fuse went out!

[growling]

I'll light it again. There!

Kaboom

Yee.

[male announcer] We're at the finish line at Noahs, Arkansas.

And here they come!

[rumbling]

The Slag Brothers are the Wacky winners.

The Ant Hill Mob is second and Peter Perfect, third.

But where is Dick Dastardly?

Muttley, get me out of here!

Slurp

[sniggering]

[male announcer] And they're off again. The Wacky Race goes on and on.

Each driver determined to win, maneuvering for position

looking for the opening that will put him in the lead.

The Ant Hill Mob uses getaway power.

Red Max of The Crimson Haybailer

makes his move.

The Arkansas Chuggabug uses jet power.

And The Creepy Coupe pours it on with dragon power.

Oh, it's gonna be a great race, folks.

Hey, wait a minute.

Stop!

[clattering]

This race starts next week.

Next week?

That means I'll get a good start on the others.

Crash

[Dastardly] Drat! Drat! And a double drat!

[sniggering]