Original subtitles

[male announcer] And now, here they are!

The most daredevil group of daffy drivers

to ever whirl their wheels in the Wacky Races.

Competing for the title of The World's Wackiest Racer.

The cars are approaching the starting line.

First is the Turbo Terrific driven by Peter Perfect.

Next, Rufus Ruff Cut and Sawtooth in the Buzzwagon.

Maneuvering for position is the Army Surplus Special.

Right behind is The Ant Hill Mob in their Bulletproof Bomb.

And there's ingenious inventor

Pat Pending in his Convert-A-Car.

Oh, and here's the lovely Penelope Pitstop.

The glamour gal of the gas pedal.

Next, we have the Boulder Mobile with

the Slag Brothers, Rock and Gravel.

Lurching along is the Creepy Coupe

with the Gruesome Twosome.

And right on their tail is the Red Max.

And there's the Arkansas Chuggabug

with Luke and Blubber Bear.

Sneaking along last is that Mean Machine

with those double dealing do badders

Dick Dastardly and his sidekick, Muttley.

Even now, they're up to some dirty trick.

And they're off...

to a standing start. And why not?

They've been chained to a post by shifty Dick Dastardly.

Who, shifts into the wrong gear.

And away they go, on the way-out Wacky Races!

♪♪

Today's Wacky Race is a long, tough, grueling grind

over rough, tough, grueling country.

From Lulu, Louisiana

to the finish line at Deep in ah art a, Texas.

And what a wild and wacky race it is.

♪♪

Thump thump

The Army Surplus Special has taken the lead.

Lay down rubber, Meekley.

We're going like a house on fire.

Did you say fire, sarge?

Okay!

boom

The Surplus Special takes a turn for the worse

as it goes into reverse. And despicable Dick Dastardly

in car "00" takes the lead.

Who knows? We may win this race

the hard way, without the cheating.

Right, Muttley?

Third place is rugged Rufus Ruff Cut and his pal, Sawtooth.

Look out! The Buzzwagon's lost a wheel.

But The Ant Hill Mob loses two wheels!

Squeak squeak

Well what'll we do, Big Clyde?

Shift into jet skate power.

[male narrator] And The Ant Hill Mob skates into second place

behind Dick Dastardly in car "00".

Drat! I'll stop 'em. Come on.

Whoosh

[Dastardly] I'll open the gate on that corral

and stampede the cattle across the road.

Ha ha ha.

Get along, little doggies. Go, go, go!

Ruff ruff ruff

Hold it, hold it, not me. Across the road. The road!

Call me when the roundup is over, Muttley.

[sniggering]

Pong

[Dick Dasterdly] Come on, now.

We've gotta stop that Ant Hill Mob.

Hello, sheriff? Sheriff, get your jail ready.

The Ant Hill Mob's on Highway 42.

[sniggering]

Yeah, I know.

They just went by.

Hold on there!

It's the sheriff, Clyde, now what'll we do?

We'll lose him, in that Wood Scouts camp up ahead.

[tires screeching]

Ha! I don't lose that easy.

[tires screeching]

Whoosh

Alright, you lugs.

Now, make with the wood scout bit.

Here comes the sheriff.

Come out, Ant Hill Mob, in the name of the law!

♪ We're a Wood Scout Company as you can plainly see ♪

♪ If you think we're something else ♪

♪ You're wrong as wrong can be ♪♪

thud

Say, have you young'uns seen anything of

a gang of city outlaws?

Yeah, yeah, sheriff. They went thataway.

Well, thanks, boys. I'll round 'em up.

Boing

Double drat!

They fooled the sheriff

with that phoney wood scout routine.

But you and I can play wood scouts, too.

Eh, Muttley?

[sniggering]

[male narrator] Meanwhile, back at the Wacky Races...

...Peter Perfect hits an oil slick

and his Turbo Terrific slips past the Arkansas Chuggabug.

[whimpering]

Don't you fret, Blubber.

I'll throw this old boiler into tiger power.

[Luke] Fasten your seat belt!

[rumbling]

Hold on to your hat, Blubber, we got a tiger by the tail!

[male narrator] And back in the lead springs the Chuggabug.

Followed by Big Gruesome, who's determined to pass it

by going into "Scare The Bear Power."

Argh-h!

[whimpering]

And scare the bear it does, but it works in reverse.

And the Creepy Coupe drops back to last place.

Thud

And the Wacky Race goes on.

Meanwhile, back at the wood scouts.

Alright, you guys. Now, let's get out

of these uniforms and hit the road.

Uh, wait, boss.

There's a wood scout leader!

Well, well, I see my little troop is ready for their lesson.

[sniggering]

♪ We're a Wood Scout Company as you can plainly see ♪♪

Never mind that.

Our lesson for today is starting a fire

by rubbing these two, uh, these two sticks together.

Those two sticks?

Right. Quick, Muttley.

Quick, behind this tree.

Rub 'em real good, boys.

I am, but's nothin' happenin'.

[Dastardly] Don't worry. It will.

[male narrator] While The Ant Hill Mob plays with fire

Red Max hedge-hops over the Slag Brothers.

Thud

He popped his prop.

Crash

Oh, dear. My poor car.

Won't somebody help little ol' helpless me?

[mumbling]

Clack clack clack

Oh, how darlin'! They've fixed my little ol' car.

And little old me thanks you ever so ever!

[male narrator] And while the wacky beat goes on

let's stand by for the second half of this Wacky Race.

- Anything, Clyde? - No, not even a spark.

Oh, for Pete's sake. You're not doing it right.

[Dastardly] Give me those sticks, dummies.

Why must I do everything myself?

Boom

[sniggering]

Help! Muttley! Get water!

Splash

Help! Muttley!

Splash

Thanks a lot, Muttley.

[sniggering]

Alright, let's go. Ring-A-Ding's waiting in the car.

Hey, look! That wood scout's heading for those falls.

Splash splash

Come on, you guys.

Right, boss.

Now, here's the caper

we'll lower a human chain to that kid.

- You got it? - We got it, boss.

Okay. Now grab my hands as you come by, kid.

Attaboy.

- Gee, thanks, sir. - That's okay, little fella.

Hold it right there!

Sorry, sheriff. But we have to catch a boat.

Yeah!

And the Wacky Race, too.

Ring-A-Ding, start the car.

Gotcha, Clyde.

Hey! Wait for us!

[male narrator] Back at the track, a giant tumbleweed rolls

toward the Wacky Racers.

Professor Pat Pending rises to the occasion.

But Penelope Pitstop is headed for a rumble with a tumbleweed.

Rufus Ruff Cut goes to the rescue

and shifts into pulverized overdrive.

And turbulizes the tumbleweed to shreds.

Oh thank you ever so ever much, y'all!

It was my pleasure, Miss Penelope.

[male narrator] And now Rufus has the pleasure of being in first place.

Now remember, Muttley...

...when I jump onto the end of the teeterboard

it will bounce you up into the air

so you can blow the dart gun at the balloon

holding that can of blasting powder.

It will fall down on the road and explode.

Making it impassable.

[male narrator] Rufus Ruff Cut is still out in front.

But Professor Pat Pending

shifts into triple dribble power

and bounces into the lead.

Ready, Muttley? Here they come.

And here we go!

Boing

pop

Ha ha ha!

Muttley!

[sniggering]

Boom

Help!

Ouch!

Muttley!

[sniggering]

And remember, you're not plucking a chicken.

Ouch!

Ouch!

[male narrator] Professor Pat Pending decides to ensure his lead

with his latest invention, pogo power.

poing poing poing thud

But a prairie-dog hole stops his pogo-a-go-go

and leaves him at the post.

A pogo post, that is.

While lucky number seven driven by

the Ant Hill Mob takes over the lead.

Every jalopy jockey is jockeying for position

as they come into the home stretch.

Well Muttley, this is our chance to sneak past the pack.

Ya, ya, ya.

Okay, ready with our secret weapon?

[Dastardly chuckling]

[Dastardly] Fire.

toing

thud

thud thud thud

Wacky Racers are finishing fast, it's going to be close.

They're approaching the finish line. They're neck and neck.

And the winner is...

Uh, just a moment, folks.

Our instant play it again photo device shows

that Rufus Ruff Cut wins by a nose.

The Boulder Mobile is second and the Convert-A-Car third.

While Dick Dastardly is stranded above the road.

Drat! Secret weapon!

[male narrator] Today's contest finds the Wacky Racers

waiting to wing their way to Wheeling, West Wirginia.

Uh, ha ha, uh, West Virginia.

♪♪

And there they go!

Taking an early lead is that Beau Brummell

of the brake-band burners.

Peter Perfect in number nine, the Turbo Terrific.

The ultimate in engineering precision.

poing poing poing

crash

Steaming up a storm in second place

is the Arkansas Chuggabug.

And in third place is-is...

[coughing]

In third place is, uh...

Pop

Oh, yes, Rufus Ruff Cut and his partner

Sawtooth in the Buzzwagon.

While sneaking up in fourth

is that disciple of deceit and degradation...

...Dick Dastardly.

You left out despicable.

[chuckling]

Now, I'm going to derail

those Wacky Racers directly ahead.

click

poing

clink clink clink

screech

That, my dear Muttley, is the hottest car in the race.

[chuckling]

[sniggering]

Clang

crash

squeak squeak

whoosh

Better trade that bear in for a mule, you ridge runner.

[sniggering]

Ah, hush your cotton-picking mouth, you lowlander.

Uh! Sweet sassafras! We lost our boiler.

We're stranded like a catfish on a mud bog.

[whimpering]

Well that's a right fine idea, Blubber.

[male narrator] And so, converting to windmill power

the Arkansas Chuggabug blows back into the running.

Now, I will eliminate Peter Perfect

and first place will be mine.

[chuckling]

Crackle crackle

thud

whoosh

Lucky for him, I wasn't in a crosswalk.

Nothing can stop us now, Muttley.

We're a cinch to win this one.

One more exhibition like that

and you'll walk the rest of the way.

[sniggering]

Yee-ow!

Now, see what you've done with your back-seat driving.

Get out there and get us down.

Do something. Pull a lever.

crash

[sniggering]

One more snicker out of you

and I'll lease you out

as winter headquarters for a flea circus.

Ah-ha! What have we here?

[Dastardly] "'Caution road under construction.'"

Look at all that heavy equipment.

[Dastardly chuckling]

And I know just what to do with it.

[male narrator] And now our racers are starting up the steep slope

for Summer Squash Summit.

Looks like Professor Pat Pendings

Convert-A-Car is starting to convert.

Well, what do you know?

He's changed to scrambler power.

Oh, oh, looks like too much hill for the Ant Hill Mob.

Alright, you guys, everybody out and push.

Oh, gee, boss, do we gotta?

Maybe, you'd rather I should tell Bonnie on you?

Yikes! Follow that car.

♪♪

[Clyde] Hey.

Nobody pushes Clyde around.

Oh, yeah?

Take a ride, Clyde.

[sniggering]

Screech

Yikes!

Every mug for his self!

Crash

Alright, you creeps, where's my boys?

Here we are, boss. Up here in the batty belfry.

Wow! Talk about your weirdos.

Yee-ow!

[growling]

Well, back to the plotting board, Muttley.

I feel another plot coming on.

Curses! It stalled.

Okay, Muttley, when I say "Now", pull on the throttle.

Now!

Yee-ow!

Not that one, stupid! That one!

No, not that one!

Ah-h!

Do something!

Put on the brakes!

Screech

Yee-ow!

Thud

[sniggering]

O-oh, o-oh, ow!

[male narrator] Meanwhile, the Slag Brothers are trying

to pass the Army Surplus Special.

Ah!

Yourself!

[babbling]

Road hog!

Clang

[rumbling]

Hey, what's going on here?

Boom

Get ready now, Muttley.

We'll flatten them flatter than a chewing-gum wrapper.

[chuckling]

[Dastardly] Here comes one.

Now!

Oh, no!

[sniggering]

Toing

[male narrator] Oh, Penelope's having a little engine trouble.

Oh, dear! Now what can the matter be?

Hmm, wonder if it could be this little old thingamajig here?

No, that's not it.

Bet it's this little old do-floppy here.

No.

This little old thing here?

Maybe this?

No.

Maybe that?

No

This?

No.

That?

No.

Oh, there you are, you little old troublemaker, you.

Now, where's that little old bobby pin?

There. That fixed it.

[male narrator] And so, with a little female ingenuity

Penelope is back in the race

with time and parts to spare.

Meanwhile, Peter Perfect speeds his Turbo into a tunnel

unaware that Dick Dastardly is waiting at the other end...

...with baited hook.

We're going fishing, Muttley.

And we're going to catch us a Turbo Terrific.

[sniggering]

[Dastardly] Yee-ow!

[male narrator] With less than five miles to go to Wheeling

the Wacky Racers sprint for the finish line!

We'll never win at this rate you guys, unless we--

Cheat. Right, boss?

Wrong! Unless we lighten the load, dum-dum.

Who says it pays to win?

There goes our ill-gotten gains.

[male narrator] The racers continue to roar back and forth

in their nip and tuck battle for the lead.

It looks like anybody's race now.

As they come down to the finish line

The Ant Hill Mob is coming on as if the law's after them.

And it's The Ant Hill Mob finishing first

with Peter Perfect second...

...and Penelope Pitstop a close third.

Somewhere near Albuquerque...

...there's a fast freight lumbering west...

...with a loose caboose.

Hey, stop the train! Let me out of here!

Stop the train!

[sniggering]

[male narrator] And they're off again! The Wacky Race goes on and on.

Each driver determined to win, maneuvering for position.

Looking for the opening that will put him in the lead.

The Ant Hill Mob uses getaway power.

Red Max of the Crimson Haybailer makes his move.

The Arkansas Chuggabug uses jet power.

And the Creepy Coupe pours it on with dragon power.

Oh, it's going to be a great race, folks.

Hey, wait a minute.

Stop!

crash

This race starts next week.

Next week?

That means, I'll get a good start on the others.

Thud

[Dastardly] Drat, drat and double drat!

[sniggering]