Original subtitles

[theme music]

[male narrator] And now, here they are.

The most daredevil group of daffy drivers

to ever whirl their wheels in the "Wacky Races."

Competing for the title of the World's Wackiest Racer.

The cars are approaching the starting line.

First is the Turbo Terrific driven by Peter Perfect.

Next, Rufus Ruff Cut and Sawtooth in the Buzzwagon.

Maneuvering for position is the Army Surplus Special.

Right behind is the Ant Hill Mob in their Bulletproof Bomb.

And there's ingenious inventor, Pat Pending

in his Convert-a-Car.

Oh, and here's the lovely Penelope Pitstop

the glamour gal of the gas pedal.

Next, we have the Boulder mobile

with the Slag Brothers, Rock and Gravel.

Lurching along is the Creepy Coupe

with the Gruesome Twosome.

And right on their tail is the Red Max.

And there's the Arkansas Chuggabug

with Luke and Blubber Bear.

Sneaking along last is that Mean Machine

with those double-dealing do-badders, Dick Dastardly

and his sidekick, Muttley.

And even now they are up to some dirty trick.

And they're off!

To a standing start. And why not?

They've been chained to a post by shifty Dick Dastardly

who shifts into the wrong gear.

And away they go on the way-out "Wacky Races!"

[male narrator] Today, our Wacky Racers are roaring along

the rugged peninsula of Baja California.

Racing toward the sleepy little Mexican village

of Enchilada, by the sea.

[country music]

[engines revving]

Thud

[engines revving]

Thud

[male narrator] The Slag Brothers in Car Number one are in the lead

and their Boulder mobile is right at home

in this rocky land.

Crash

The Creepy Coupe is in second place

but the Gruesome Twosome are in trouble.

Their engine's overheating.

Little Gruesome is shifting into storm power.

[thunder crashing]

[ricochets]

Peter Perfect is hurrying along in third place.

But Rufus Ruff Cut in the Buzzwagon

tries to cut down Peter's lead.

The rest of the Wacky Racers

are bunched up behind the leaders.

And hanging on to last place

is Dick Dastardly in double zero.

Drat! I can't do any dirty work from back here.

I'll cheat my way up front.

♪♪

[Dick Dastardly laughing]

Now that we're up front, we'll take these balloons

and give our rivals a bum steer or two.

[ricochets]

♪♪

The other drivers will sit here all day

honking at these rubber cows.

[laughing]

Muttley, I told you to put them in the middle of the road.

Thunk

growl

Egads! A real steer.

He-I-I-lp!

[ricochets]

[sniggering]

[carnival music]

[sniggering]

[radarscope beeping]

[male narrator] As the cars speed southward on the rugged peninsula...

...the road turns into winding, hard-to-follow trails.

[crashing]

The heavy Surplus Special

has bulldozed its way into the lead.

Followed by Peter Perfect in Car Number nine.

[crashing]

The other cars are roaring over the trackless sand dunes.

And Dick Dastardly, running last again

shifts double zero into front spin drive.

[blades whirring]

As Car Number five goes over a sand dune

Dick Dastardly goes under it.

Thud

Oh! You're no gentleman!

[male narrator] And while pretty Penelope Pitstop ponders her problem...

...stay tuned for more of this Wacky Race.

[male narrator] As the Ant Hill Mob climbs over a sand dune

old you-know-who bores under it.

Thud

[Clyde] Okay, you mugs, let's go.

[male narrator] And now, Professor Pat Pending climbs a sand dune.

Thud

Oh, fiddle stick.

And once again, Dick Dastardly is in first place.

Yes, and this time, we're going to stay here. Eh, Muttley?

[sniggering]

[laughing]

Oh, Drat! The luck!

We're stuck in a mudhole!

Si, senor. You wish me to pull you out for 80 pesos?

50 pesos? Maybe 20 pesos?

One peso?

Alright, alright. Just get me out of here.

Si, senor.

Giddy up, Tamale.

Do all the cars get stuck in that mudhole?

Si. They cannot move until Tamale pulls them out.

Hmm. I'm beginning to get an idea for a dirty trick.

I'll give you 100 pesos for that burro.

Oh! That's a deal.

[laughing]

That mudhole will stop the others

and I shall be an easy winner.

[sniggering]

[upbeat country music]

[tires screeching]

Oh, dear. Mud.

[tires screeching]

Permit me to assist you, Miss Penelope.

You may proceed now, my dear.

Why, thank you. You are a real gentleman, Peter Perfect.

[both laughing]

And we've got the only burro.

You wish me to pull you out for 20 pesos, senorita?

That sure would be sweet of little old you.

[whistles]

Hey, what's the idea?

You didn't tell me you had another burro.

You didn't ask me, senor.

I have many burros.

Look.

[braying]

[braying continues]

Toodle-ooh, y'all!

[tires screeching]

[blades whirring]

[ricochets]

Okay, you guys, push.

[ricocheting]

[male narrator] As Car Number two sinks slowly into the slush...

...Little Gruesome shifts to dragon power.

[snorting]

And the fire-breathing dragon fires away.

Drying up the mud hole.

Drat! All the cars are ahead of us.

[ricochets]

Get out of my car, you ornery burro.

That does it.

I'll use brute force on this brute!

Thud

And stay out!

[braying]

[metal clanking]

Oh, no! Stop!

Stop!

[crashing]

[braying]

[male narrator] At the finish line, the crowd is tense with excitement.

[crowd snoring]

And here come the cars into the home stretch.

Number seven is in front, Number four is in second place

followed by Professor Pat Pending in third place.

The other cars are strung behind the leaders.

And now the Slag Brothers are making their move.

It's going to be close. Mighty close!

Number one is in the lead, but only one brother is in the car.

They've made it!

Number one is first, Number seven is second

and four is third.

They're all in now.

And bringing up the rear is Dick Dastardly

in a one horsepower special.

[sniggering]

[male narrator] Roaring across the river, the Wacky Racers are off

on another wacky lap of today's race.

This time heading for Krazy Kreek, Kentucky.

But wait a minute. It looks like one of the racers

is sneaking by underwater.

Oh, that could only be...

It is... Sneaky Dick Dastardly and Muttley the Menace.

[upbeat music]

[male narrator] Uh-oh. What's Dastardly up to now?

I'll eliminate this route with my roto-route router.

[laughing]

Look out! Oh well, no route is no problem

to Professor Pat Pending. He takes to water like a duck.

While the Slag Brothers take to water like a rock.

[splashing]

And sink like a lead balloon.

[crashing]

[ricochets]

[ricochets]

[crashing]

Well, looks like Slag Brothers are back in the race.

Or I should say, all the way back.

Uh-oh. Sounds like somebody's getting their lumps.

[chuckles] Four, to be exact.

And now, the Ant Hill Mob, moving up in the Wacky Race.

Alright, you guys, all together.

Stroke.

Stroke.

Stroke.

[male narrator] And here comes Penelope Pitstop.

Oh, dear, and I didn't bring my shower cap.

[tires screeching]

Will you gentlemen be so kind as to help

a little old damsel in distress?

Ah, most certainly.

Yeah, indeed.

[whistles]

[burbling]

[big Gruesome] Get going.

[burbling]

My, how sweet of y'all.

[upbeat country music]

[male narrator] And the Wacky Race goes on.

Oops! Except for Number four. Too bad.

Red Max has just dropped into last place.

Anyone for a drag race with a real dragon?

[laughing]

[male narrator] Meanwhile, Dick Dastardly, the villain

is building up a tremendous lead.

[tires screeching]

Hey, you! Get that egg crate out of the way!

What did you say?

Uh, I said, you were real great, uh, and I meant it. Heh-heh.

Oh, no.

Curses! Now, the other cars will catch up to us.

Hmm. What have we here?

"'King Klong. Largest gorilla in captivity."'

[laughing]

Boy, does that start the old wheels to turning

in my evil mind.

With my power over dumb animals...

...I'll hypnotize this gorilla

and have him delay the other racers.

[Dick Dastardly laughing]

[crashing]

[melodious music]

Not you, Muttley! The gorilla! The gorilla!

Now, go open that door and let the gorilla out.

Thud

- Who, me? - Yes, you.

Stop chattering. The driver will hear you.

[gasps]

[ricochets]

[growling]

[Dick Dastardly] N-n-nice gorilla. Watch the watch.

See it swing, back and forth.

Back and forth. Back and forth.

You are in my power.

I hope.

You will do as I say.

Please? You will go back there

and stop any car that comes this way.

[crashing]

[sniggering]

What are you laughing at?

[male narrator] Meanwhile, Number one, the Slag Brothers

in their Rolling Stone, are letting no master order them.

[mumbling]

And here comes the Creepy Coupe creeping up.

And the Creepy Coupe goes into stick shift.

[blows Bronx cheer]

[male narrator] And it's Penelope Pitstop in Number five

showing them which way to go.

But Number two has a witch way of their own.

The Witches Hex way.

A hex on you, dearie. A hex on you.

Looks like the hex is on you, ma'am.

Your hair is a sight.

Ain't it the truth?

But since I washed it, I can't do a thing with it.

Uh, try some of this. It does wonders for my hair.

Now, isn't that much nicer?

Where did she go?

And with my last can of hairspray, too.

[gasps] Oh my!

[tires screeching]

Shoo. Shoo. Go away.

Well, I'll declare.

[gibbering]

Don't worry, Penelope, I'm coming. I'll protect you.

Unhand that girl, you monster.

Don't hurt the little old gorilla, Peter.

I'm a karate expert, you know?

What's that, sarge? A hairy mountain?

Uh, looks like a gigantic gorilla.

Drop that girl!

Unh-unh.

Down periscope.

[sergeant blast] Standby to fire.

[Penelope] Don't hurt the little old gorilla.

[sergeant blast] Fire!

[explosion]

Now, be a nice gorilla, and put me down, you.

[gibbering]

The great Red Max will bring down that big blimp.

[machine gun firing]

Bye, George.

Gangway!

Uh-oh.

[Rufus Ruff Cut] Gear down!

[engine revving]

[crashing]

[male narrator] And now, Penelope Pitstop is making fast time

as she gains on the leaders.

But not fast enough.

Oh. It's you again.

Dear me, you look a sight.

You could be attractive with just a little makeup.

First a powder base.

Then some lipstick.

A little mascara.

And a wig to top it off.

Now, isn't that better?

[gibbering]

[male narrator] And so, it's sweet and innocent Penelope back in the race.

And the rest not far behind

we have a contest for third place going on

between Car Number one and Car Number eight.

Now, Car Number one is leading by a couple of feet

and looking for an opening ahead.

[mumbling]

He's found it.

But here comes Number ten, the Buzzwagon

trying to trim the Slag Brothers' lead.

[mumbling]

Meanwhile, villainous Dick Dastardly has built up

a tremendous lead, and he looks like a cinch to win.

And just to be sure there'll be a few slip-ups...

...I'll slicker them with my oil slick.

[Dick Dastardly laughing]

[straining]

Two hundred yards to go, and victory is mine.

[laughing]

[whimpering]

Oh, no. It's that galloping gorilla again.

[crashing]

[screeching]

[male narrator] And here come the rest of the cars down to the finish.

And the winner is Car Number six, the Army Surplus Special.

Car Number four, the Crimson Haybailer is second.

And Car Number ten, the Buzzwagon is third.

[melodious music]

Yes, master. Watch the swinging watch.

Back and forth, back and forth.

Yes, master. I'm in your power.

[ape gibbering]

[sniggering]

The Wacky Race goes on and on, each driver determined to win.

Maneuvering for position, looking for the opening

that will put him in the lead.

The Ant Hill Mob uses getaway power.

Red Max in the Crimson Haybailer makes his move.

The Arkansas Chuggabug uses jet power.

And the Creepy Coupe pours it on with dragon power.

Oh, it's going to be a great race, folks.

Hey, wait a minute.

Stop!

[crashing]

This race starts next week.

Next week? That means I'll get a good start on the others.

[crashing]

[Dick Dastardly] Drat! Drat! And double drat!

[sniggering]