Original subtitles

[MUSIC PLAYING]

NARRATOR: And now, DreamWorks' "The Penguins of Madagascar."

[BELL TOLLS]

[THEME MUSIC]

-Hit it!

[DANCE MUSIC]

[SLAM]

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

-Cute and cuddly, boys.

-Let's see.

12 and 23.

35 degrees northwest.

-What are you tracking, Kowalski?

-Skipper!

Um, I am tracking, well, uh, according to Atlantic sea

currents, uh, the migratory patterns of marine mammals.

Um, uh, there's a good chance, well, in-- in a few hours,

a certain dolphin will be off New York's coast.

-Oh!

You mad genius, Kowalski.

Let the smackdown begin!

For far too long, Dr. Blowhole has had the upper fin.

-Well, Skipper, I mean--

But today, the element of surprise--

-About that--

- --is on our side.

-Yeah, Blowhole!

-Yay!

We'll show that oversized guppy!

-A-- about that oversized guppy.

You see--

-We'll begin with the deepwater assault.

-Skipper!

I haven't been tracking Dr. Blowhole.

I've been tracking, ahem, Doris.

-Huh?

Doris?

Doris the Dolphin, seriously?

-Aw, man!

-Reality to Kowalski.

She's just not into you.

-Yeah, how many times has she given

you the "let's just be friends" talk?

-16 and 1/2.

I couldn't hear the rest over my sobbing.

But this time, this time will be different,

for I have invented the Love-U-Laser!

-Love you what?

-One blast from this beauty instantly

renders its target utterly, hopelessly, head-over-heelishly

in love with a preselected subject.

Observe.

-Hey there, handsome.

[GIGGLES]

Yes, I'm talking to you.

-What?

Are your ears clogged with a waxy buildup?

Is that why you cannot be hearing me when I say,

not so close to the royal throne?

[TWITTERS]

Uh, because, really, you should be here.

There you go, little buddy.

-Um.

-Hush, no words.

-It works.

It you actually works!

Yeah, baby!

(SINGING) Doris and Kowalski swimming in the sea.

K-I-S-S-I-N--

-Pull yourself together, man!

Are you sure this is what you want?

-Skipper's right.

When science meddles in affairs of the heart,

we're all bound to be losers in love.

-Yeah, but I was referring to that.

-And I've given up on fairytale endings.

-This is the grim, grisly reality you've made here,

Kowalski.

Undo it all!

-Aye, aye, Skipper.

Hm, that's curious.

It appears to be jammed.

SKIPPER: Enemy fire!

Sound off, Private.

-Other than a funny little tingle, I'm right as rain.

I'd be more concerned about (MENACING) Kowalski.

Aargh!

Zip it!

Zip your big word-spewing big with its big smarty big words!

-Oh, oh, what, what gives, Private?

-Stand down, soldier.

I said stand down.

-Yes, Skipper.

Sorry.

-What's gotten into you, Private?

-Nothing, Skipper.

Nothing.

-I think maybe the--

-(ANGRILY) What part of "zip it" eludes you?

The "zip" or the "it"?

-I said stand down!

-The Love-U-Laser seems to have malfunctioned

into a Hate-Me-Laser.

-Ooh, another brilliant deduction

from Senor Pointy Head.

-All right, I'll ignore that.

Words certainly can't-- ugh!

-Ha-ha!

What do you think of that, then?

-Private, stow those antics.

-Aye, Skipper.

Stupid Kowalski with his toes.

-Go on, Kowalski.

-Theoretically, I can reverse the laser's influence

if I were to rezap Private.

-Well, zap away.

-That would require 5 ounces of unspoiled MacGuffium 239

from a lab in Brooklyn.

-[GROANS]

Then we roll.

-Yeah, yeah, run away!

Run away with your stupid tiny toes, Pointy Head!

-Well, that was easy.

Now, this MacGuffium should-- oh!

Not be dropped.

Ow!

-Take that, Pointy!

Come here, take another one for your beady little eyes!

-Ow!

Ooh!

Ow!

Stop it!

My eyes aren't beady!

Skipper!

-Rico, disarm the Private.

-[BELCHES] Aah.

-Well, hopefully, this time, the MacGuff-- ow!

--[GUFFAWS] Did you-- you should see the look on your ugly,

pointy face?

[GUFFAWS]

-No more nasty business, Private.

I order you to let Kowalski pass.

In fact, I order you to stay still.

Do not move one bone in your little hate-filled body.

Good.

-Incoming!

-Well, that's a relief.

To the lab.

-Sit tight, soldier.

And soon you'll be back to your old sugar-sweet self.

[SQUEAKS]

It's a decoy!

Kowalski!

-Ha-ha!

-Get him off!

Get him off!

Get him off!

--[GASP] The anti-intruder controls.

-[GUFFAWS]

Dance, Kowalski, dance!

Dance on your hideously misshapen feet!

-[CACKLING]

Oh.

-Sorry, buddy.

-Here, I got you a little something.

-[WHEEZING]

-I say, Mort, how about a smoothie with those fleas?

-Fleas?

Fleas?

And now, smoothies?

Yes!

My answer is yes!

-Eh, Maurice!

Two mango smoothies, please.

-You feeling OK, Your Majesty?

-Yes, never better.

Why?

-I've never been better neither.

-On second thoughts, Maurice, make

that one smoothie with two straws.

-OK, that should do it.

[ZAPPING]

-[SNARLS]

-[SNARLS]

-What was that?

-I don't know.

-Whoa!

Did you guys feel that wicked energy surge?

-Yeah.

Hey, how would you like to feel my fist denting your smug yap?

-I don't think it worked.

-[BELCHES]

-Aah!

-You pathetic excuse for a soldier.

-Your beak is so wide!

-[ANGRY GIBBERISH]

-(SHRIEKS) I have to go now!

-Bye-bye.

-Oh, no!

[BAWLING]

Oh, Marlene, am I glad to see-- ugh!

-Yeah?

Well, that makes one of us!

-[SHRIEKS]

-I'm going to crush you like a peanut!

-I don't think I want to be peanut butter!

Aah!

Ugh!

Ah.

OK, this is probably one of the scariest places

I could have landed.

-For reasons unknown to me thus far,

I wish to do him grievous bodily harm, though.

-Yeah, I got that, too.

-Aah!

-Just the penguin I wanted to skewer.

-I'm only one penguin!

-Hey, there's that penguin I hate so much.

-He makes me angry.

I wish to beat him.

-No, no, Mort, Mort.

Your nails are still drying from the mani I just gave you.

Let me do it.

I'll introduce him to righty.

And then I'll introduce him to, you know, my other righty.

-[WHIMPERS]

-He went this way.

-Over here!

-My Love-U-Laser.

That's my only hope.

But that's back at HQ.

Oh, options, Kowalski.

Options!

-Where did that stupid ding-dong go?

-Naah!

-Oh, I want to make peanut butter?

-Shh!

With the peanut butter.

Ahem, hey, Kowalski!

-Let me try. (SWEETLY) Kowalski, we

want to know how magnets work.

Do you have a long-winded explanation

you can bore us with?

KOWALSKI: Almost there.

Oh, Mama.

Maths, don't fail me now.

Aah!

Ugh.

Roy hooks a little to the left.

That's good to know.

All right, Kowalski.

You've got one shot.

Make it count!

[WHISTLES] Hey, everybody!

Over here.

Farm fresh Kowalski!

MOB: Get him!

-[GROWLING]

-Come on, work.

Work!

Please, for the love of Isaac Newton, make it quick!

[SIZZLING]

-Hey, I don't have the blinding urge

to maim, degrade, and humiliate Kowalski anymore.

-Yeah, that's strange.

I wanted to squeeze you till you popped.

Oh, boy, that would have been a mess.

Sorry.

-You're lucky, little bird.

You were going to be in a world of hurt.

-But we had a change of heart or whatnot.

-Ah, that certainly was a close one.

I'm sorry for inventing that dang Love-U-Laser.

-Who knows?

Maybe things will work out between you and Doris someday.

-But for now, it's good to have everything

and everyone back to normal.

-Oh, look, dolphins.

[GIGGLES]

So romantic.

-Oh, Phil, have seen my Victorian Era wig?

MAN (ON RADIO): Yo, Alice, you seen my mallet?

-Let me check my desk drawer.

Ha?

Where's my desk?

-This court martial is now in session.

Court reporter is present.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What is this?

A race?

I got, like, no words of that.

And you know, I'm kind of so-so with the whole spelling thing.

-Prosecutor Private, let's hear your case.

-Your Honour, I submit that one of our very own

is guilty of fibbing in the first degree.

-Defence Attorney Rico, your response.

-[SNORING]

-Aw, come on!

-How many Os in-- [SNORING]?

--10 or 11?

Maybe 12.

-Your Honor, let's us go back to the morning in question.

WOMAN (ON TV): Oh, Prince Cheers-a-lot,

a Lunacorn should never be afraid to admit he's afraid.

-[GROANS] Nauseating.

Time to 86 this touchy-feely propaganda.

Where's the remote?

Anybody seen the remote?

Where's the remote?

Come on!

Somebody must know where the remote is!

-(BABY TALK) Are, too.

Yes, you are.

-Kowalski, have you see the-- monster!

Monster!

Monster!

[SCREAMING]

-Aha!

Let the record show that the defendant

had claimed he destroyed Jiggles.

-Technically, I never said those words.

-See this?

This is a stink eye.

And I'm giving it to you!

-OK, I may have given that impression.

-That's all I need to hear.

Guilty!

-Uhh.

-Oh!

Ah!

He-he.

Aw.

[SNORING]

-"All lived happily ever after, especially the handsome

and brave court reporter, me.

End."

-Rico, Rico, wake up!

Play some legal jujitsu on these punks.

-[SNORES]

[MUMBLES]

-Fine, I'll mount my own defence.

Ahem.

Admit it, Skipper!

It was your panic that caused the real crisis.

Let us return again to that fateful morning in question.

Like, mere seconds after we left off.

-Surrender the cube-shaped demon, Kowalski.

-Skipper, Jiggles is different now.

He's been re-jiggled.

-Re-jiggled?

-Physiologically speaking.

You see, I've changed Jiggles on a molecular level.

He no longer eats fruit.

Ergo, he will never grow to the size

of a "party like a rock star" tour bus.

-No fruit?

So what does he eat?

Penguins, right?

It's penguins.

I knew it.

-Pfft!

No, he only eats this.

[SLURPING]

[BURPS]

-Whipped cream?

-So Jiggles is completely harmless?

-Absotively!

You can thank science for that.

And me, of course, because I'm a scientist.

You're welcome.

-Rico, instrument of destruction.

-[GRUNTING]

-[CHUCKLES] Batter up!

-Skipper, no.

My baby!

[BAWLS]

No!

[BAWLS] Why did you, uh-- wha-- uh, multiple-- multiplication

on impact?

Unanticipated.

Must be a re-jiggling side effect.

-Ah!

Kowalski, what's wrong with your monstrosity?

[SQUEAKING]

-Of course!

By altering the deoxyribonucleic acid,

I've increased the chromosome enzyme's flexibility.

Any type of violent impact will cause Jiggles to subdivide.

-[GRUNTS] Violent what?

[GRUNTS]

-Hm, Kowalski does have a point, Skipper.

You did make it worse.

-You did.

It's true.

It totally exacerbated.

Just saying.

-Nuts!

[SIGHS] Continue.

-Skipper?

-Get on with it, Private.

You're the prosecutor, so prosecute.

-Oh, OK.

Re-returning to the morning in question.

[SQUEAKING]

-Deja vu, am I right?

-We've got nip this problem in the bud.

Rico, on the Doomsday Device.

Set the timer for five minutes.

Private, prep the Star Shuttle for launch.

-That seems a little hasty.

-We've got no choice.

We'll leave this planet a burning husk,

strike out into the cosmos, conquer a new world,

repopulate the penguin species.

-Skipper, won't we need girls for that?

-What?

-We don't need to leave the Earth.

Rest assured, I will find a way to fix this.

-So that Jiggleses' jiggled?

Uh, what's the plural of "Jiggles"?

-Let's go with Jiggli.

-Ooh, Jiggli.

-OK, the Jiggli.

They can't escape from your lab, right?

-Absolutely not.

No way!

Not unless they find the air vent.

-Topside!

-Nooo!

[KIDS GIGGLING]

They're eating my babies.

Barbarians!

They will pay!

-Mm.

[NIBBLES] Lime.

-"Gelatin Dessert Snacks."

-Look, the real Jiggli!

-Taste justice, Jiggli eaters!

-No!

-[SNORING]

What?

[GIBBERISH]

-So does the defense have an objection?

-What?

-Rico, we're in the middle of testimony.

-OK.

Lunch!

--[SIGHS] Now, we all recall what happened next.

-Boy, do we ever.

I started fighting crime with a bulldozer possessed

by the spirit of President William Howard Taft.

[FUNKY MUSIC]

OK, Taft.

We got Mendoza trapped inside.

I think we could take him if we work together.

[ENGINE REVS]

-That's not how I remember it.

-Yeah, well, we're just going to have

to agree to disagree on this one.

-Well, the way I remember it is Kowalski told us--

-If the Jiggli experience everyday impacts

at a normal rate, they'll cover the surface

of the Earth in about-- oh, no-- 12 days.

-Ha-ha-ha!

Yes, yes!

Shake your shimmies.

-Anyone know what these are?

-I like the way they explode off my bottom.

-Make that eight days.

-Arrh!

Little green cubes!

Nothing scares me more than little green cubes!

-Four days.

Three days.

Two.

-Anybody whose last name doesn't end in "owalski"

have any options?

-Yup.

[SNICKERS]

-So we lure all the Jiggli to these coordinates, then

what happens?

-Beats me.

Rico's the man with the plan.

-And you're comfortable with that?

-Eh.

-Ooh, we're trapping them within a hermetically sealed titanium

enclosure, right?

-Nuh-uh.

-A magnetic demobilising ray?

[SLURPING]

-Nope.

-A giant-sized butterfly net?

-Sweet Nobel's beard!

You don't intend to--

-Kaboom!

-Hit the deck!

-It was beast that killed the beauties.

-Kowalski, they're not really gone.

Not as long as you remember them.

And also, they're not gone as long

as they're falling out of the sky!

No!

[SHRIEKS]

-Well, thanks to Rico, the world now only

has 47 minutes until total Jigglification.

-[LAUGHING]

-And that was just 10 minutes ago.

-[HUMMING]

What?

-Rico, you're just as guilty as the rest of us.

-Hop in, the water's fine.

-[SIGHS] All right.

-Um, can you repeat the last part?

-Which part?

-Uh, just everything after "this court

martial is now in session."

What?

I told you there was too much yap, yap, yap fast talking.

-Oh.

-[GIBBERISH]

SKIPPER AND KOWALSKI: Oh, why not?

-Well, get on with it, Prosecutor.

Remember it's your duty to mete out red-hot justice.

-But-- but you're my friends.

-No mercy, Private.

-Remember justice is blind.

-OK, then, if it please the court,

I would like to-- to-- to get in there with you

because I can't do this.

-Well, ain't this a pretty picture?

The whole unit in the pokey.

-So, like, what now?

-Dessert?

-Yes, Rico, you can have dessert.

-Mmm.

Pie!

ALL: No!

[SIGHING]

-Oh, dear.

[RUMBLING]

-Hmm.

-Hey!

-Help!

Help!

I am drowning in Jiggli!

-Well, on the bright side, of all the ways we could have met

our doom, this is the most adorable one.

-Well, that's cold comfort.

-"Cold"!

That's the answer!

[GRUNTS]

I just need to reset thermostat so low that no creature

on earth could stand the frigid temperature.

No creature, that is, but a penguin!

-Cold.

So cold.

-Up high!

Uh, delay that up high until we're topside.

-(WEAKLY) Can't feel booty.

-That was pretty cool thinking when the heat was on, Kowalski.

-And yet I feel no joy.

Frozen solid is no life for sentient gelatin.

What's a slightly mad scientist to do?

-I don't know.

Think outside the box.

Isn't that why you scientific nerdlets like to do?

-Hm, outside the box?

Or outside our atmosphere!

-Wait, I thought we ruled out leaving the planet.

-We did, but we're not the ones leaving.

ALIEN: [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]

[STATIC NOISE]

ALIENS: [NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]

[CRASH]

BOTH: Huh?

[YELLS]

[JIGGLI SQUEAKING]

[THEME MUSIC]