Original subtitles

- Sergeant. - One step forward, march.

What's this?

- Dandruff, sir. - On report.

One step backward, march.

Squad, present arms!

Slope arms!

All present and correct, sir.

Carry on, Captain Trench.

TRENCH: Squad...

Load.

RIFLES COCKING

Aim.

Fire!

GUNSHOTS RING

Unload!

GUNS CLACKING

Slope arms!

About turn!

SOLDIER PLAYING BAGPIPES Prepare...

Step left!

Left, left, left, right, left.

Left, left...

Number five's free now.

Excuse me.

Number five is free now. - Ah. Thank you very much.

Excuse me. OPENS DOOR

There you are. You put them in there.

I thought these machines were supposed to be wholly automatic.

Yeah, the housewife like to feel

she's taking some part in the process.

- Oh. - There you are.

What are those for?

When the red light comes on for the first time,

you put the first load of soap in.

When it comes on for the second time,

you put the second soap in there.

That's quite an adventure.

Why don't you get your batman to do it for you?

He's down with a chill.

There's Captain Trench's batman.

You look after him, he'll look after you.

Private Jessop, sir. I'm doing some of Captain Trench's things.

I suppose I could look after you, sir, no?

That's extremely good of you.

Oh, hold on a sec.

There we are.

Oh, that's very nice of you, sir.

You come here often?

A lot of the lads use this place, sir.

It's better than the regimental laundry.

They make a terrible mess of your things.

That's worth knowing.

You're new here, aren't you, sir?

- That's right. - Aye.

Although it is a civvy establishment,

we like to give Angela a bit of support.

- Angela? - Mrs Craig.

She's a widow of one of the corporals here.

Widow? Oh, what happened to the corporal?

He had an accident cleaning his rifle.

Didn't you hear about it?

Oh, yes, I recall something about that.

It was very hard luck, right through the heart.

She was pretty cut up about it at the time,

but she's back on her feet now she's got this place.

Oh, she owns it, eh?

Yeah, the lads had a whip round and bought it for her, sir.

Well, that's some whip round.

The officers did most of the whipping.

BOTH CHUCKLE

Oh, they're a grand bunch here, sir.

There's a fine esprit de corps, if you get my meaning.

- There she goes. - Oh, oh, allow me.

There. That didn't hurt, did it? HE CHUCKLES

Ah, you needn't get up, Trench.

After all, I'm no longer a serving officer.

No, sir, not at the moment. - And what are you doing?

- I'm working on a field manoeuvre. - Has it been approved?

HQ agree with the overall plan.

The fine details have been left to me.

I take it I have you to thank for that, sir.

I did have a quiet word with Brigadier Gatling.

He agreed that the main purpose of the exercise

is to allow the maximum amount of initiative

to the younger officers.

Of course, I had to promise to keep an eye on you.

Your artillery units are rather poorly clustered, aren't they?

TRENCH: It's the problem of sighting.

There are field positions from the Southland that approach it.

Blackheath, Richmond Park.

Not very much from the north and west?

It's very little open country.

What about Hampstead Heath, Parliament Hill.

There's a perfect position,

direct line of fire right across the city.

If we can penetrate that far.

What the devil's your light armour doing?

They could be down the A1 and into hiding in three hours.

There'll be heavy civilian traffic.

Well, get it off the road.

If you're gonna worry about civilian traffic, Trench,

you're beaten before you begin.

But this is only an exercise, sir.

Simulated battle conditions, Trench.

Take the word of an old hand, "Clear the roads

"and occupy the high ground." - Yes, sir.

Now what about the Air Force?

The number 4 parachute detachment is standing by to take Heathrow.

If you get a strong wind, they'll be scattered all over the city.

- If the transports come in low... - Infantry, Trench, infantry.

The only man you can depend on in battle

is the man with two feet on the ground.

Bayonet in his hands. KNOCK ON DOOR

Come in.

Ah, this will be the early surveys. Thank you.

Oh, and when did you have them taken?

Yesterday afternoon, sir.

Good thinking, Trench, good thinking.

Key objective's in central London, sir.

STUART-BOLLINGER: Oh, yes. What's this one?

Buckingham Palace, sir.

Oh, so it is. Yes, so it is.

I suppose it never occurred to you

that you don't put leather in a washing machine?

Oh, really, why not?

Cows must get wet sometimes. They don't run.

They're not dyed.

Tell you what I'll do,

take 'em straight back and give 'em a thorough bleaching.

Don't worry, just swipe somebody else's next time.

"In the First World War, the Highland Guard

"took part in the assault on Vimy Ridge

"and was reduced to three officers, 12 men and two horses,

"thus achieving undying fame."

- An unfortunate choice of words. - "They re-formed and fought

"with distinguished gallantry throughout the Second World War,

"and are now stationed at Maroon Barracks, South Kensington."

- That's handy. - Aren't you interested?

Should I be? Or more to the point,

you can tell me something about Captain Trench.

Well, he's the adjutant of the regiment.

He made out the report on Corporal Craig's death.

Now, Corporal Craig, according to the report,

was cleaning an automatic rifle,

the thing went off,

and fired three shots into his chest.

Three, that's careless.

Army Intelligence thought so, too.

They took the precaution of exhuming his body a very short time ago

and they found that the three bullets

had been fired by different rifles.

Why can't Army Intelligence handle it themselves?

Well, it has rather wider implications.

Now what I want you to do

is to get in touch with Captain Trench

and kind of, well, infiltrate the regiment.

Won't I be noticed?

Ah, hah!

He runs all sorts of extra activities, you know,

Civil Defence, for instance.

Meals on Wheels, that sort of thing?

And do you know that his team run a very good form of instruction.

They even have unarmed combat.

How very fortuitous. HE CHUCKLES

All right, lads. Now as far as a rear attack goes...

All right, Collins.

You wouldn't last long with that approach.

Use your other arm. Left arm for the stranglehold,

right hand free to get the rifle. Now, try it again.

MAN COUGHS Let me show you.

All right, Sergeant.

SERGEANT: Sir. Try this one again.

- Can I help you? - I hope so.

This is the Civil Defence Centre, isn't it?

- Yes, it is, yes. - Oh, good.

I've just enrolled at the Town Hall.

They told me to come straight here. - They've made a mistake.

Oh, why?

Well, ladies' classes are held in the evenings,

after-bond care, field kitchens, that sort of thing.

Tuesdays and Thursdays, I think it is.

Oh, but I've enrolled for the unarmed combat course.

Oh.

Oh, well, then you have come to the right place.

My name is Trench. And yours?

Gale, Mrs Catherine Gale.

Right, Mrs Gale.

Do you know anything at all about unarmed combat?

A little.

Well, I suppose we could try you on a few simple holds.

Sergeant Marsh. - Sir?

Have a breather, boys.

This is Mrs Gale. She'll be joining the course.

How do you do?

Now, Mrs Gale, supposing, for example,

you were faced with a knife attack.

Now, how would you deal with that?

- Frontal or rear? - Let's say frontal.

Assume the sergeant here has a knife.

- Kind of heavy, sir. - So sorry.

Are you all right? - Very good.

Now, let's try a surprise attack from the rear.

TRAINEES LAUGH

Excellent. That will be all for now.

- Thank you. - Pleasure, Mrs Gale.

That'll be all, Sergeant.

MARSH: All right, boys.

May I asked where you learned, Mrs Gale?

In Edinburgh. An uncle of mine taught me.

He seems to have made a good job of it.

Did he teach you anything else?

Yes, a little swordwork, backsword mainly.

Really?

Yes, I was trained with a claymore.

That's unusual.

Really, it's a family heirloom.

One of my ancestors fought

with Charles Edward Stuart at Prestonpans.

That's interesting. Which clan?

Clanranald of Moidart.

Hmm. Mrs Gale, you should meet my, er,

my colonel, the honorary colonel of my regiment.

He's, er, his ancestors were Stuarts.

- Really? Yes, I'd like to. - Would this evening be too soon?

This evening?

Yes, we're having a regimental cocktail party

in the mess hall. Perhaps you'd care to be my guest.

Yes, I'd like to.

BAGPIPES MUSIC PLAYING

PEOPLE CHATTING INDISTINCTLY

Ah, yes, indeed that was in '18 just before the Armistice.

No, it couldn't have been, my dear,

because you remember Kim was wounded in the July.

Well, anyway he could come down the line

to inspect our forward positions, you see,

and Kim had rigged up some kind of rudimentary shower bath

in one of the trenches, and there he was

standing naked as on the day he was born.

Would you like another whiskey, dear?

Yes, of course. Ah, yes.

All of a sudden,

this staff lieutenant comes marching in, you see.

"Excuse me, sir," he says,

"but Field Marshal Haig would like a word with you."

"Send him in," Kim said.

And there you are standing without a stitch of clothing on,

and in marches Haig.

Eh, red as a beetroot, of course.

- Captain Trench. - Lady Bollinger.

I'm sorry I'm late, Colonel.

Oh, yes, trust you to butt in and spoil a good story, eh?

- I'm sorry, sir. - Well, now, don't go away

before you've introduced us to your lady friend.

Mrs Catherine Gale, Lady Bollinger.

- How do you do? - Brigadier General.

Sir Ian Stuart-Bollinger, honorary colonel of the regiment.

Oh, how do you do? And this is Major Steed.

He used to be in the tank corps before he was bowler-hatted.

- How do you do? Nice to meet you. - Pleasure's mine.

Yes, Major Steed is writing a history

of the Highland regiments.

I'm just giving him a little bit of background.

Would you like a drink, Mrs Gale?

- Yes, thank you. - Excuse me,

the band would like to know if there's any special tune

you'd like them to play?

Well, let's have the old Jacobite battle hymn,

'The White Cockade,' unless any of you has any objections, of course?

I'm sure Mrs Gale hasn't.

One of her antecedents fought with Charles Edward.

- Oh, ho. - Lord Cameron of Loch Eil.

Oh, then you're more than welcome here, eh?

'The Braes of Mar', yes.

Trench, let's have 'The White Cockade.'

My dear, we really ought to go and talk to the Fergusons.

They've been trying to get your attention all evening.

Oh, yes, of course. Well, Steed,

I shall have to ask you to excuse us.

Now, you look after Mrs Gale.

I haven't finished that story. I'm coming back.

I'm coming back. - It'll be a pleasure.

- Now, perhaps, you'll explain. - Explain what?

I spent the whole afternoon with that crashing bore Trench

because you wanted me to infiltrate the regiment.

Now I find it was a sheer waste of a time.

Why? BAGPIPES PLAYING

You seem to have got wrapped in before I even arrived.

That's army tactics. It's a pincer movement.

You take care of Trench, I get pally with the general.

Given a choice, I think I prefer the general.

Well, you've caught his eye anyway, for the evening, a good thing.

What do you think he's got to do with Corporal Craig?

He's been retired from the regiment for five years.

With his record. He has a good deal of influence here,

particularly on this army exercise.

If you'd glean a few details for me if you get the opportunity.

You were saying, Major Steed, about the attack on Bizerte?

Yes, we were going along the coast road,

and Rommel opened fire with his .75 millimetres on our right flank.

- From the sea, Major? - I beg your pardon?

If you were bouncing along the coast road to Bizerte,

your right flank would've been the Mediterranean.

- JOHN: We went round in circles. - TRENCH: I don't recall that.

Were you there, young man?

No. I've learned about the Desert Campaign.

Don't believe all you read.

The complexities of the campaign will be revealed in my next volume.

I'll send you an advance copy. Excuse me, Mrs Gale.

Everybody seems to have a different version.

Yes, I suppose everybody sees a battle differently.

Ah, Trench, go and rescue my poor wife, will you?

That blasted Ferguson woman's got her trapped there in a corner.

- Yes, sir. - Where's Steed?

I was telling him some of the exploits

of my wilder colleagues in the Highland brigade

in the Great War, but I don't suppose

you're interested in that, Mrs Gale.

Well, as a matter of fact, I am.

I've just finished reading Bentall's 'History of World War I.'

- I found it fascinating. - Oh, how interesting.

Who is she?

- Who? - You know who. That blonde.

Oh, Mrs Gale. Just a friend.

Well, be careful.

You're beginning to behave like an officer.

Be a pity if I had to return you to the ranks.

Who goes there?

Goodness me, I'm terribly sorry.

I'm a friend. Er, I've lost my way.

I only want to find my way back to the mess.

Sorry, I was having a little breather here

and couldn't find my way back.

Right down there, left at the end.

That's very good of you, thank you.

- Good night. - ASQUITH: Night, sir.

Cigarette, Henry?

What's come over you?

Ah, well, make the most of it.

What did that toffee-nosed bloke want?

He was looking for the mess.

Said he'd lost his way.

Well, he would, wouldn't he?

Well, as far as I can make out from the general,

the major objectives of the exercise are these.

Highly desirable.

The central telegraph office, St. Martin's Le Grand,

the Air Ministry, the Admiralty, the War Office,

the Ministry of Defence and New Scotland Yard.

- And that tallies. - Tallies with what?

With the military requirements they submitted

to the War Office for approval.

- How do you know? - I just been looking at 'em.

If you already know, there's not much point in my going on, is there?

Well, we'll just compare notes, see if they check.

Suppose you tell me what you know?

It's called Operation Claymore.

Now, surprise me.

It's to start two hours before dawn next Wednesday.

Its prime reason is the mock defence of London

against imaginary enemy attack.

What's the ultimate purpose of the show?

Huh. Keep the troops on their toes, I should think.

War Office are very keen on these peacetime manoeuvres.

They go to a lot of trouble.

What's all this got to do with Corporal Craig?

Very little as far as I can see,

and this evening produced nothing positive.

- What are you gonna do now? - Return to barracks.

I thought you'd have had enough. I certainly have.

When the bugle sounds, duty calls, and there I am.

Oh, well, if you feel that way, you might as well reenlist.

I'm waiting for a national emergency for that.

For the moment, I'm doing a little recce.

Anything you want to draw from stores?

Yes, but I doubt if you'd issue it.

SHE LAUGHS

Who goes there?

Captain Trench.

Everything all quiet, Asquith? - Aye, sir, all quiet, sir.

Carry on.

STONE CLATTERS

ASQUITH YELLS

HE SIGHS

You hungry, Major Steed?

How much ammunition was there in the cookhouse?

JOHN: Enough to fight an entire campaign.

I presume there is an official ammunition store at Maroon Barracks.

Well, of course, there is.

There's a little private enterprise within the regiment.

Private Jessop?

JOHN: It's hardly likely, I wouldn't think.

Well, he was the one who took the bribe.

Precisely. He had me at the point of a gun.

If the stuff had been his, I doubt if I'd be here now.

Can you imagine a private nicking the contents of an arsenal,

taking over a cookhouse, ha,

and mounting a guard over it?

It would certainly earn him the Outward Bound prize

for individual initiative.

It just earned him 50 quid from me.

Surely only an officer can authorise the mounting of a guard.

- JOHN: Trench. - Oh, Steed!

There are about 30 other officers in the regiment. Why pick on him?

A, cos he's the adjutant. He must know about the guard.

B, I saw him checking the sentry, and C, cos it could explain.

Corporal Craig's death. - What could?

Well, Corporal Craig could have stumbled on the cookhouse

the same way as I did and not been lucky enough

to find anyone as conveniently corrupt as Jessop.

And was shot there and then.

With three different rifles?

Have you found out yet who he is?

Oh, he's definitely an ex-officer.

Are you sure?

Of course I'm sure. You can always tell.

Major Steed's a gentleman.

But what's he always hanging around for?

Well, you know, they tell he's writing a book.

What on, laundry?

JOHN: Ow! Oh!

Are you all right, sir?

I don't know whether you can do any better with it.

I'll give you a hand, sir. It's quite simple.

There you are.

Must have got badly stuck.

There she goes. - There you are.

Ah, you're a clever girl, aren't you?

Wonderful.

We'll win the campaign here at this rate.

That's beautiful. - There we are.

Anyway, I'll have a good night's sleep, won't I?

Thank you very much, my dear. Extremely.

Oh, no, I've gone and ruined the entire thing.

You'll never do it that way, sir. Look, just lift one end up.

Oh, really, I'm sorry.

There you are.

Now, just bring your end to me.

Ah, simple when you know how.

Just...

Do you happen to know that your husband was murdered?

I beg your pardon?

Or was it because he was frightened of your boyfriend?

I don't know what you're talking about.

You and Captain Trench used to go together

when he was a corporal in Aldershot.

Then Corporal Craig came along,

you married him instead, and Trench never forgave him.

Who told you all this?

You tried to still go with Trench,

hoping that your husband wouldn't find out,

but he did and he thumped Trench all around the barracks.

Let go of me.

Complicit in a murder that could put you away for a long time.

Murder? My husband was executed.

He was a traitor.

Unarmed combat is to prevent your antagonist

from crying out and giving the alarm.

Now, where would you say was the most important part of the body

to concentrate on in order to achieve that?

The throat, I imagine.

Almost correct, the larynx to be exact.

Let me give you an example.

I'll just use a very slight pressure and you'll see what I mean.

Am I hurting?

Mrs Gale.

Oh, that's what I call the true Highland spirit, lass.

You mustn't stand any nonsense from Trench, you know.

He is a good soldier, but he was born

on the wrong side of the tropic.

I'll, er, go and get changed.

Er, It's you I really wanted to see, Mrs Gale.

Oh, what about?

I wonder...

I wonder if you would meet me in the mess after lunch?

All right.

I don't know my husband insists

on having all these trophies on display

every time he throws a regimental party.

It only means I've got to take them all home again.

I'm sure he's proud of them. Oh, isn't that a Jacobean goblet?

- Yes, it is. - May I see it?

I'm afraid I can't be very much help to you, Major Steed.

I'm sure you can be a great help, Lady Bollinger.

It's not just factual research I'm after.

It's personal experiences. I want my book to come alive. You know?

- Oh, yes. - I'm interested in your husband.

I'm gonna devote an entire chapter to him.

Shouldn't you be directing your questions to him rather than me?

Oh, he's so, what's the word,

deferential about his achievements.

SHE LAUGHS Oh, do you really think so?

Well, I suppose he has done a very good deal for his country.

And still is, despite the fact that he's retired.

I'm afraid you touched on rather a sore point there, Major.

You would've liked him to retire completely?

The extraordinary thing is he did to begin with.

For two years he had no contact with the army.

He was immersed in his studies.

- What studies? - Why, Scottish history.

It became his absorbing passion.

Do you know he even wanted us to retire

to the Highlands? HE LAUGHS

Well, I'm afraid I wouldn't hear of it.

I should miss London dreadfully. - Of course.

Then he got into lineage and tracing clan antecedents,

finally down to our adopted son, James.

I don't quite see the connection?

Neither did I, and I can assure you,

neither did the College of Heralds.

But he simply regards that as Sassenach antagonism.

- You mean... - He has decided

he has definite proof that our son James

is the rightful heir to the throne of Scotland

and thus the throne of England as well.

What does your son think about this?

James? Well, I'm afraid he couldn't care less.

He seems perfectly happy in his chosen profession.

Which is?

Well, we don't usually talk about this

outside the family, Major, but he's a bookmaker in Halifax.

Oh.

We should never have sent him to Eton.

To return to your husband's renewed military interests...

Well, the two seem to be connected. Now, that's what worries me.

But as I said, he is convinced

that the Stuarts were cheated of the throne.

And that your son, the bookmaker...

Well, precisely.

The military side will be purely our concern.

When this phase has been accomplished, however,

we shall naturally count on your support to consolidate positions.

That might not be as easy.

I can only guarantee a cruiser spot-and-look,

because it's under my command,

but I can't speak for the rest of the home fleet.

I understood they were on manoeuvres off the Azores.

They are, but they're within range of carrier-based aircraft,

and the Med fleet's closer.

It'll be under steam in Gibraltar Wednesday morning.

They'll take an order from the Admiralty.

Precisely, the whole lot will be back in the Channel by Saturday.

I don't think you fully understand.

By eight o'clock on Wednesday, the Admiralty will be in our hands.

You don't think the First Sea Lord's

gonna order the fleet to heave to because you tell him to.

By 8:30 you will be the First Sea Lord,

just as Bruce here will be the Air Chief Marshal,

and Duncan over there in charge of all marine forces.

What about political administration?

There won't be any political administration.

How the devil are you going to run the country?

The country will be placed under the sovereignty

of the Royal House of Stuart with military and naval advisors.

I'll go along with that, but I'm doubtful you can pull it off.

You don't have the forces available.

How many men had Charles Edward Stuart

when he drove the Hanoverians down from the Highlands to Derby?

A mere handful! I've got a regiment.

Yes, but you're up against modern atomic weapons.

They're useless, Harry, useless, the whole damn lot of them,

because nobody dares to let them off.

By the time my men are in key positions,

the only way to get them out will be by hand-to-hand fighting.

By that time it'll be too late because we shall be in power.

Gentlemen, I give you a toast.

To the Royal House of Stuart.

GLASSES SHATTER ALARM BELL RINGS

- What is it? - Fire in the barracks, sir.

- Where's the fire? - Down the corridor.

Right. See what can be done about this immediately.

FIRE ALARM CONTINUES RINGING

Major Steed, you're under arrest.

Not again.

Guard.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry to have kept you waiting, Mrs Gale.

We had a little bit of a fracas over in the admin block.

Yes, I heard the fire alarm. Nothing serious, I hope?

No, it's all under control now, thank you.

Good. What was it you wanted to see me about?

Well, I think we should talk in my office.

Oh, I didn't know you had an office here.

No, officially, since I'm retired,

I haven't got an office in the barracks,

but you know I like a pied-a-terre,

and the adjutant let me have this little place.

I've fitted it out myself.

After you, Mrs Gale. - Thank you.

- Well, now, can I get you a drink? - Thank you.

- Whiskey? - That'll be fine.

I've got something rather special here.

I had it sent all the way down from Aberdeen.

It's 25 years old and very finely blended.

There you are. - Thank you.

- Slainte. - Slainte.

Now, what do you think of my collection?

Very fine.

No, it won't always be like this, Mrs Gale,

hiding my treasures away in a cupboard.

In order to avoid being made an object of ridicule.

I intend to retire to Inverness

and start living the sort of life I've always wanted

with all my clansmen around me

and a thousand acres of moor under my feet.

I'm tired of being an exile from my native land

and as soon as this is over...

As soon as what's over, General?

Mrs Gale,

have you ever tried to trace your family history?

Once, but I gave up when I got to my great-grandfather.

Well, I've taken the trouble to go a good bit further than that.

When Trench told me that you were...

you were a Clanranald,

I thought he was putting it all on for my benefit,

but I'm not quite such an old fool as he seems to think, you know.

I never thought you were.

No, look at these lineage charts, Mrs Gale.

How on earth did you manage to compile these?

I got them from the curator of the Bruce Museum in Kinross.

He's probably the most learned Highland historian

in the whole country.

He's a very good friend of mine.

Can you follow that? - Mm-hm. Just about.

You see, it shows a pure line right back to Kirsten of Moidart

in the 15th century.

Clanranald, as you see,

became the MacDonalds of Clanranald.

And the MacDonalds of Clanranald harboured Charles Edward Stuart

when he returned from France to lead the Jacobites.

Yes, I did know that.

What you probably did not know

was that Charles Stuart had a bastard son by Agnes MacDonald,

your 18th grandmother.

No, that's news to me.

It's always been a close secret.

General, I don't quite see what you're getting at.

Look at the chart, Mrs Gale.

Come right up to the present day.

Now, whom do you see there

in direct succession from that union?

Well, on the one line, James Stuart-Bollinger.

Yeah, my adopted son. And failing him?

Yourself.

Oh, so I'm related to your adopted son?

More than that,

it means that you're second in line of succession

to the Scottish throne.

Me? Why, that's fantastic.

Nevertheless it's true.

My son has refused it.

I'm not going to press him. - Refuse what?

The Crown.

In 24 hours' time,

you'll hold yourself ready to take up the accession.

You'll be known to your subjects as Queen Anne II.

MILITARY DRUM CADENCE

TRENCH ISSUES MARCHING COMMANDS

Escort, halt!

DRUM CADENCE CONTINUES

Escort and accused, halt!

Stand at ease!

Set up the court-martial.

I thought I was entitled to an officer to defend me.

This is a drumhead court-martial.

But those are only held on the battlefield.

Or on the eve of battle

where there's no time to conduct a full inquiry.

Has the prisoner been searched for weapons?

- Yes, sir, no weapons. - Right.

Escort platoon, front!

Peck.

Escort, stand at ease.

Bring the prisoner forward.

TRENCH: Accused, one pace forward, march.

Now, Trench, read out the charges.

One, that the prisoner, Major John Steed,

on the afternoon of the 5th of March

did cause malicious damage to be occasioned to one smoke bomb,

being the property of our sovereign lady, the Queen.

Have you any answer to the first charge, Steed?

It was an accident. I was giving one of your chaps a hand.

And that he did bribe

a private soldier to assist him in this act.

- Where is the man he bribed? - He's in the guardhouse, sir.

He's admitted the evidence. - Come now.

That's not good enough.

I should like him called as a witness.

Certainly, you're entitled to that.

I'm afraid he's not able to appear, sir.

He was injured while resisting arrest,

but he signed a full statement of confession.

Oh, no, no, I can't accept that as evidence.

Then may I proceed with the next charge?

Provided it's better substantiated

than the first one. - Hear, hear.

That the said Major Steed by thus setting up an alarm...

Now, hold on a minute.

It hasn't been proved that I did set up an alarm.

- The charge stands without it, sir. - Very well. Let's hear it.

He had obtained access to a secret staff meeting

and examined documents relating thereto.

- With what intent? - In my view, sir...

No, no, let Steed answer that.

Would you repeat the question?

What was your intention in examining those secret documents?

To see if they were secret.

For all I knew they might have been doodles.

Having discovered they were indeed secret

what did you propose to do with them?

To destroy them, of course, sir.

I was just in the process of chewing them up

when your young captain here came bumbling in.

Bring forward exhibit A.

Oh, ho, so we have a second spy amongst us, eh?

I demand the same penalty as for Corporal Craig, sir.

STUART-BOLLINGER: Before I pass sentence, Steed,

have you anything to say for yourself?

No.

TRENCH: Escort, front!

Major Steed, as presiding officer of this field court-martial,

I hereby sentence you to be executed by firing squad

in accordance with military tradition.

- Excuse me, sir. - Hmm?

If you could delay the execution a little,

I'd like time to interrogate him first.

Very well, Captain, I'll leave that to you.

Confine the prisoner.

It's a pity about that, sir, as you'd done quite good.

So, never mind. It's dead quick.

Ah, Trench, well, I must say

I consider our plan of attack for tomorrow morning

to be absolutely foolproof. - I hope so, sir,

but I'm worried about Steed. - What?

I couldn't break him down. He was working for someone

and presumably passing back information

as he got it. - What do you mean?

Suppose he was working for the War Office.

They could know what we've planned

and be sitting there waiting for us.

- What are you suggesting? - My men are ready now, General.

We could have them on the road in an hour's time.

The longer we wait, the more risk of discovery.

Yes, you may be right.

Undue delay is bad for the troops' morale.

All right, but give me two hours.

I have some preparations of my own to make.

- Right, sir. - Well, I'll not say good luck now

because I want you to give me a call

half an hour before you give the order to attack.

I may have some final instructions myself.

- But that won't leave me much... - Now, now, relax, Trench. Relax.

And that's an order.

Chablanc '58, sir.

That's a lousy year.

Can't you do anything better than that?

Well, we have a Cordon Verte but it's a bit on the sharp side.

My last meal on Earth, and all you can provide is a '58.

What sort of officer's mess is this?

I don't know. It's very poor on champers.

It's dead poor. Oh, sorry.

When I was in the Pioneer Corps,

you know we had a beautiful cellar. Beautiful.

I wish you'd stayed in the Pioneer Corps.

Why? Miss all the perks I get here?

HE CHUCKLES

If you're gonna open that, you better be quick.

I'm gonna be shot in half an hour.

Right, doesn't give you much time, does it?

Oh, careful. Jessop, can't we get divorced

just until I've finished my meal?

Oh, no, sir, it's more than my job's worth.

Here, gulp that down.

All right? HE GROANS

It'll ruin the pheasant. Have some yourself.

No, thank you very much.

- Jessop. - Sir?

Were you to reach into my hip pocket,

we can find our wallet here. HE CHUCKLES

It's not worth it, sir.

- Why not? - There's nothing in it.

Don't forget, I searched you.

Jessop, let's look on that as a down payment, OK?

Look, you helped me before.

Oh, I didn't help you, sir. I just didn't see you.

It's different now, see? I'm under orders.

You're not going to catch me up against that wall

like good old Craig. Oh, that was very unpleasant.

- Were you there? - I was detailed.

Part of the firing squad?

Orders is orders.

Mind you, I aimed for his left arm.

I could accord you the same privilege if you like, sir.

Well, that's very thoughtful of you, Jessop.

Wouldn't do you any good, though. The rest are red hot.

Would you like the cheese board to follow, sir?

Thank you.

How about an IOU? - Oh-ho, not a hope.

Five thousand quid?

Without wishing to be disrespectful, sir,

your credit's a bit dicey at the moment, isn't it?

Knife. Come on.

If you're thinking of us going through that window, sir,

I'm 15 stone. It's electrified, OK?

It's all too ridiculous, Mrs Gale. You're living in a dream world.

That regiment standing by in St James's Park

isn't a dream world.

But that's for a ceremonial parade.

They won't be armed. - Are you sure?

It's quite impossible to issue an entire regiment

with arms and ammunition

without the War Office knowing about it.

The three platoons under Captain Trench

coming in from the suburbs are armed.

The stuff must have been pilfered over a long period.

That might be possible for three platoons,

but how did you know about this, Mrs Gale?

I've been getting quite friendly with Captain Trench.

Then I'm sorry for you.

- Are you speaking from experience? - I'm afraid I am.

I see now that I was a complete fool.

Of course, he played on my affections for all he was worth.

He's ruthless and ambitious and completely untrustworthy.

Does your husband share this view?

I don't know what he thinks of him.

I can't make out the relationship at all.

I'd hoped you would know something about that.

I only know that if you want to prevent your husband

ending up on a treason trial...

Treason trial? TELEPHONE RINGS

Excuse me.

Hello? Yes, it is.

Oh, yes, she is. Just a moment.

It's your husband. - Oh.

Hello?

Yes. Yes, I am.

Oh, well, hang on a moment. I'll ask her.

He wanted to know if you'd like to come to the mess tonight?

Yes, I'd love to.

She'd love to, dear.

You'll be late, will you?

Why? Where are you?

Oh! Well, is everything all right?

Oh, no, no, no, I just wondered.

Goodbye, dear.

He was phoning from the War Office.

BAGPIPES PLAYING

TRENCH: Squad, halt.

Carry on, Sergeant. - Sir.

Squad, step right.

Forward, quick march.

BAGPIPES RESUME PLAYING

Left, left, left, right...

Oh, well, they're playing our tune.

SERGEANT ISSUING ORDERS

BAGPIPES STOP PLAYING

Prisoner and escort. Attention!

About wheel, quick march.

Escort will retire to the firing squad.

Squad, load.

RIFLES COCKING

Aim.

Fire.

Squad, unload!

GUNS CLACKING BULLETS FALLING

Slope arms!

Private Jessop.

March away, Sergeant. - Sir.

Squad, right turn.

Quick march.

BAGPIPES PLAYING

I have an urgent appointment with the general.

I'll leave you to dispose of the body.

Very good, sir.

Are you sure this tie pin's worth 750 guineas, sir?

Ask any Bond Street jeweller.

Cos the lads will be pretty toffed off

if you pulled a fast one on them.

I suppose you realise if I was really dead

you could've had that anyway.

What, loot your dead body? Oh, no, no, no.

There's some honour left in this regiment.

- I'm very glad to hear it, Jessop. - Besides, if I got caught

I'd get two years in the glass house.

BAGPIPES PLAYING

MUSIC STOPS

ALL APPLAUD

BAGPIPE MUSIC RESUMES

Good evening.

Aren't you joining in?

No, I'm not very good at it.

That might be a black mark against you

in the general's eye.

Have you seen him by any chance?

No, I talked to him on the telephone about an hour ago. Why?

It's just that I had an appointment with him

and he's not normally late.

Maybe he's with Major Steed?

What makes you say that?

Well, Major Steed was invited tonight

but he hasn't turned up, either. - Really?

MUSIC STOPS Ladies and gentlemen...

Ladies and gentlemen,

I apologise for interrupting your enjoyment,

but I have a grave announcement to make.

Ladies and gentlemen, fellow officers,

many of you must have wondered

why I've been taking such an active interest

in my old regiment now that I'm officially retired.

I know my wife certainly did.

I think she put it down

to the senile sentimentality of an old soldier.

GUESTS LAUGH It's given me some distress

that I was unable to explain my activity to her,

but now I'm in a position to tell you all.

Ian, you're drunk.

On the contrary, my dear,

I've never been more sober in my life.

Ladies and gentlemen, over the past few months

I have been able to discover details of a treasonable military plot

against Her Majesty's government.

Within the past half hour,

I have submitted these details

to the Chiefs of Staff in the War Office.

Seize that man!

Put him under close arrest. Keep him in the guardroom.

Piper, the eightsome reel, please.

Ladies and gentlemen, on with the dance.

BAGPIPE MUSIC RESUMES

INAUDIBLE CONVERSATION

Excuse me, Sir, the War Office are on the phone.

They want to speak to you urgently. - Yes, thank you.

- What do you make of that? - It doesn't add up, Steed.

If the general were out to expose the plot,

why would he wait until the troops are ready to march?

But he needed positive proof against Trench.

That Jacobite kick of his was genuine.

He even convinced himself

I was descended from Bonnie Prince Charlie.

What?

He thinks I'm Queen Anne II.

If you'd been around

you'd have got an invitation to my coronation.

If I'd known I needn't have gone in front of a firing squad.

I'd have applied to you for a royal pardon.

As it is I lost my best diamond tie pin.

Why would he put you in front of the firing squad?

If he was trying to keep up an act in front of Trench,

that's going a bit far.

Just a little?

Down, Rover.

Trench's troops are already on the march.

One of his clan columns has just reached Hampton Central.

Fellow officers, gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?

Within the past 15 minutes,

on a signal from Captain Trench,

insurrectionist troops have begun to advance on London.

The War Office have requested me to assume command of this regiment

and organise the defence of the city.

Gentlemen, you will return and report immediately

to your unit commanders.

Arms and ammunition are being issued now.

A very neat tactical manoeuvre.

The whole regiment is under arms

with the full blessing of the War Office.

Better go and express my loyalty to the general.

Oh!

Excuse me, Your Majesty.

Eight, nine...

Excuse me, sir. Signal, sir.

C Platoon have reached Piccadilly underpass.

Excellent.

Are we not going to join them, sir?

We need you at HQ, Captain Trench.

Thank you, Jessop.

Jessop.

Jessop...

Give me that gun.

GUNSHOT RINGS

Didn't have much choice, did I?

Have you not got Trench yet?

No, sir. I've tried all frequencies.

Well, keep on trying.

I hope there's not going to be bloodshed, General.

No, no, no, just a little sporadic firing

to make it look convincing

and then I shall order Trench to surrender.

And between us we'll be in command of all the key positions.

And when the government realises what's happening...

It'll be too late. We'll have the city under martial law.

Excuse me, I've got Queen Anne on the line.

She wants to see you in the mess hall immediately.

Oh, I can't possibly leave here now.

She said it's a royal summons, sir.

Oh, very well.

The general's on his way over now, ma'am.

- They're on their way. - Fine. You take that end.

Got it? - Right.

Anywhere you like. Just take it.

- Thank you. - OK.

JOHN: You may rise, General.

Afraid the operation's been cancelled.

STUART-BOLLINGER: It's too late, Steed.

Trench is ordered to carry on if anything happens to me.

CATHERINE: Trench is dead.

I'm afraid he had no intention of waiting

till anything happened to you.

He was gonna take over as soon as the coup succeeded.

I don't believe that.

The coup will succeed, it must succeed.

I've spent two years planning this.

That's what the War Office wants to know, General.

JOHN: All right, General.

The CIG would like a word with you.

You could have been on the throne of England.

The Stuarts might have been back in power.

Those lineage charts were fake, General.

I arranged it with the curator.

Thank goodness for that.

So...

Well...

It came with a lass, it'll go with a lass.

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