Original subtitles

GIRL LAUGHS

MAN: This the place, Cathy?

CATHERINE: All right. I'll ask this time.

BELLS JINGLE

It's Friday.

No-one ever calls on a Friday.

See who it is. KNOCK ON DOOR

Er, wait a minute.

KNOCK ON DOOR

- Good evening. - Oh.

Yes. Who is it?

CATHERINE: I'm looking for Layland's Meadow.

Oh.

Laylum's Meadow?

Yes. I believe it's near here somewhere.

Yes, it's just over there, down there.

But this is private property, you know.

CATHERINE: But we have permission.

Wow. BIKERS PROTEST

Charming. All right, come on.

BIKERS CHATTER

Just one moment, young woman.

What do you mean, you have permission?

We have permission to use it for motorcycle scrambles.

But you can't do that.

My work, it needs complete quiet.

I shall put a stop to it.

Oh, now, look, she told you. We got permission.

How are you gonna stop us?

We'll put a spell on you.

That's what we'll do. ALL LAUGH

We'll put a spell on you.

LAUGHTER CONTINUES

HARRIS: That was my wife, sir.

She bagged that.

Quite a brute. Must have taken some running down, eh?

Wasn't like that at all.

She fell out her saddle on top of him.

Yeah, that was cruel, even for a fox.

Woman of generous proportions, my wife.

Your room all right, Mr Steed?

It's fine. Thank you very much.

'Course she's passed on now. My wife.

- Oh, I'm very sorry to hear that. - Don't be.

Be sorry for the poor perishers she passed on to.

I'm expecting to meet somebody here, a Mr Stigant.

Stigant?

Isn't that one of those fellas from the atomic research place?

He's from Winterwell, yes.

One of those fellas keeps stopping my clock.

Oughtn't to be allowed.

DOOR CLOSES

Er, this is Mr Steed, sir.

Colonel Wesker. - Colonel.

Good evening, sir.

My niece, Caroline.

- How do you do? - Hello.

Mr Steed's staying down here for a few days, sir.

- Oh, you're down for the sport, eh? - JOHN: In a manner of speaking.

- Do you ride, Mr Steed? - Yes, I do.

Well, then we must get together sometime.

I'd love it.

I'll look forward to it.

Will you excuse me while I go and write some letters?

Yes, of course, my dear.

Well, I shall just take a stroll down the road.

I'll see you at supper, Steed.

JOHN: Fine.

DOOR OPENS

- MAN: Good evening. - WESKER: Good evening.

HARRIS: Beer, sir?

Thank you very much.

Yes, I must say it's a pleasure without her.

The wife. - Oh, I see.

The day she ran off and left me

to manage this place all on me own, I said...

Oh, there's your Mr Stigant.

This is Mr Steed.

- Mr Stigant. - STIGANT: How do you do?

HARRIS: Will you be wanting a drink?

Er, no. No, thank you.

It wasn't just the clock this time.

The refrigerator, you stopped that, too.

Isn't good enough, you know.

It's the same in every village around here.

Never believe that the atom plant's not to blame.

To blame for what?

Don't you know?

Sunspots.

Oh, it's a little too technical for me.

But I thought... Well, they told me

that you were some sort of research officer.

Just an honorary title. I'd like to hear it from you.

Well, you heard what he said.

His clocks and his refrigerator stopped working.

That happened yesterday.

It's been happening on and off for the past two months.

Anything and everything, mechanical or electrical,

from food mixers to ten-ton trucks,

suddenly stop working for no apparent reason.

Take my car, for instance.

Last time it happened, I... I stripped it down.

I-I-I checked it for every possible cause for failure,

but there was absolutely nothing wrong.

There is no mechanical failure.

How long does this condition last?

An hour or so, never more.

And then?

Everything that stops starts working again

for n-no apparent reason, just as ever before.

Only this area affected?

Yes, a radius of about two miles.

Fortunately, the atom plant itself isn't affected.

It seems to be outside the range of this thing, whatever it is.

But you see, the atom plant remaining unaffected

means that the locals state that the trouble starts from there.

They think we're building some secret, fiendish device.

You're not, of course.

I wish we were.

Mr Steed...

..can you imagine the military applications

of a device which could disable any mechanical bomb machinery?

A sort of instant peace.

Have you got any suggestions?

Oh, it's-it's very baffling. It's very worrying.

I seem to recall in your report

something about a gang of motorcyclists.

Well, that was really a friend of mine.

He thinks there's some pattern in these incidents.

But, er, I think that that's a coincidence.

This area's very popular over the weekends

and holiday times with motorcyclists.

They come out from the city

and work off their high spirits at fantastic speeds.

The roads are very clear around here,

and there's no likelihood of them killing anyone,

save themselves.

Police seem to turn a blind eye to it.

JOHN: It's worth checking. Thank you. I'll be in touch.

STIGANT: I'm sorry I couldn't be more informative.

MOTORCYCLES APPROACH JOHN AND STIGANT: Goodbye.

Ah.

OVERLAPPING CONVERSATIONS

HARRIS: Oh... How many times have I gotta tell you?

You can't fit here. I've got other customers.

MALE BIKER: Come off it, daddy-o. It's not like anybody's in it.

Can't fit you, find some other place to park.

Now, come on, get these bikes lined up.

MALE BIKER: Oh, cycle, daddy-o, cycle.

All right. Come on, mates. Park 'em pretty, eh?

You've gotta move with the times.

They're not such a bad lot.

Let them have the run of the barn. They won't bother you, sir.

- HARRIS: Hey, watch it! - BIKERS: Hey!

CATHERINE: Thank you.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

MALE BIKER 1: We're not going in there.

MALE BIKER 2: Hey, come on, mate. HE CONTINUES, INDISTINCT

MALE BIKER 3: Whoo!

- Yahoo! - WOMAN: Russell, got a half-penny?

JUKEBOX PLAYS ROCK MUSIC

BOTH GRUNT

HE GROANS

Sir Roderick, thou hast foully wounded me.

HE GROANS

The straw was poisonous, stabbed with the...

HE MUMBLES

Er, members only, mister. We're very particular.

Is that your Mercer outside?

What if it is? It don't block anything...

No, it's interesting. It's a fine machine.

- Mercer Twin, very hard to beat. - Best cycle there is, yeah.

Yeah, Tommy'd be very pleased to hear that,

old Tommy Mercer.

- You don't know him, do you? - Yeah, he's a good friend of mine.

What, the Tommy Mercer?

The. He's a nice chap,

you know, a bit square, a bit square.

Not on a track he wasn't, before he started designing.

- Ha. - Would you like a drink?

Well, that's very good of you.

But, er, why don't you let me buy you one, eh?

All right, that's great. Yeah.

Now, what'll it be, huh?

Oh, Pimples will do it.

Hey, Pimples, go get some drinks, will ya?

Er, I'm Dave, by the way.

Oh, I see.

DAVE: And this is Jessy.

- Jessy. - And the rest of the Salts.

JOHN: How do you do, howdy do?

Er, did you say Salts? Some sort of naval connection?

Heck, no. We're called the Salts

cos that's what we go like a dose of.

- Ah. - JESSY: Nobody gets into this gang

till they've done the turn plus five.

Nobody, eh? It's a sort of elite.

That's right, yeah. Nobody to touch us.

Well, till recently, till we started coming here.

- JOHN: Oh? - We've been having trouble.

- Are you one of the gang, too? - Oh, sure, she is.

This is Cathy.

Oh, we don't usually take anybody as old as Cathy.

But anybody that does a turn plus ten,

we've got to have. JOHN WHISTLES

Turn plus ten, good for Cathy.

What's all this trouble? - Oh, it's nothing really.

It's since we've been using Layland's Meadow.

Well, trying to use it.

Well, everything stopped.

The bikes just stop working, don't they? They just won't go.

There's something funny about this area.

Er, why don't you go somewhere else?

I mean, er, why stay here? - Look, mister, what we took...

Got permission to use that field. We took that trouble, didn't we?

We get kicked around enough as it is.

We get blamed for everything. The crime rate to the weather.

It's those two old ladies.

- Now, don't be so daft. - They said they'd stop us.

What two old ladies?

Oh, don't mind her, it's a buggy idea.

Not worth mentioning.

Ah, well, then, I'll see you later.

DAVE: Well, thanks, Mr Steed. We'll see you.

JOHN: Right, get on then.

Now, what you want to go blabbering about that for, eh?

Well, it's true, innit?

Witches and spells? Bloody daft!

JOHN SIGHS CORK POPS

JOHN: I expect you could do with something stronger than soda pop.

Come and sit down. - I won't, if you don't mind.

JOHN CHUCKLES

So, you got through the age barrier with a turn plus ten. Whoo.

Anyone over 20 is ancient.

Over 30 might as well be dead.

Thank you very much.

All right. What did you find out?

You heard most of it back there.

Details. Young Dave, for instance.

You met him.

He's fair-minded, aggressive, strong sense of right.

Actually, he'd hate to admit it,

but he's really rather old-fashioned.

Now, this other thing really happens.

I've experienced it.

One minute, the cycle, the bike is revving away beautifully.

The next minute, nothing. It's extraordinary.

What about the old ladies?

They live close to the meadow in a water mill.

The very first day that Dave and his gang came out here,

they said they wouldn't tolerate them using the meadow.

They threatened to stop them.

How could they? They've got permission to use it, it appears.

They threatened to put a spell on the gang.

- A spell? - It's true.

Come to think of it, Dave wasn't too keen to tell me about it.

Well, it's not hard to see why.

If a story like that got about, kid would be a laughing stock.

You'd better get back before you're missed by your...

..young friends. HE CHUCKLES SOFTLY

CATHERINE: Out the way, hippos.

Now, come on, in the barn.

How many times have I got to tell you?

I hope you don't mind. I helped myself.

HARRIS: Oh, that's all right, sir.

You got a map by any chance?

- Map? - A map of the area

or, erm, ordinance survey if you have it.

Oh, yes, sir. Here we are.

You have it.

- There. - Marvellous. Right on the spot.

A-ha.

Are you looking for a little secret place?

Well, I was...

HE CHUCKLES I was studying the area,

er, for our riding.

I don't want you to mislead me. - Would that be possible?

I have a very poor sense of direction.

JUKEBOX BLARES

Could you... Could you turn that thing off, if possible?

MUSIC STOPS ALL PROTEST

Now, look, none of you have had much...

ALL GRUMBLE Are we all there?

None of you have had much success with your motorbike rallies?

Now, look, I'm going to suggest a point-to-point. How about that?

It's a cross-country rally.

Now, you each take different routes.

Hold on. I've got it all organised here.

Now, you all start from here at the same time.

But the first one back gets the prize.

- What prize? - 25 quid.

EXCITED CHATTER

- When do we leave? - We leave right now.

That suits me. How about you lot there?

- ALL: Yeah! - Good.

Now, there are more than a dozen different routes we can take.

Er, are we all here?

- Are you coming with us, Mr Steed? - There you are, Catherine. Good.

No, I'm a little old for that. Await your return, you know.

Now, Dave, look,

you take this route straight up here over the Commons.

- DAVE: Yeah. - JOHN: Have we got Mike here?

Fine. Now, you go up through the farm there, then turn left.

OVERLAPPING CHATTER

MOTORCYCLE ENGINES REV

SEWING MACHINE STITCHING

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

- Cyn? - Yes, Myn?

Shh, shh. Shh.

DISTANT MOTORCYCLES

ENGINE SPUTTERS AND STOPS

SEWING MACHINE STARTS UP

- That's better. - Mm. Much better.

Cyn, do you think we're very wicked?

Wicked? Wicked?

SHE CHUCKLES Nothing of the kind.

We have a moral right, Myn.

SHE SIGHS

How peaceful it is here.

Ah, so peaceful. - Mm.

Wicked, Cyn, wicked.

A century or more ago, we could have been burnt as witches.

BOTH CHUCKLE

ENGINE SPUTTERS

JOHN LAUGHS

Booby prize for our Mrs Gale. You're the last in.

Oh, I suspect you could use this.

Long walk back across the field, eh? Pretty muddy, hmm?

Where exactly did you break down? You must have broken down somewhere.

Turn plus ten girl. Otherwise, you'd have been back ages ago.

Never mind. Walk will do you good. Shake up the old liver.

Show me where, will you?

- There? - Yes.

- Just as I'd hoped. - What is this?

It's a process of elimination.

The others broke down there, there, there, there, there.

That radius.

Now, everybody outside that circle had no trouble at all.

So, it's narrowed down to this area.

And there, slap in the middle,

is the water mill.

That's what they are. Witches!

Ask anybody around here.

Strange things going on in that mill of theirs.

Er, nothing you can put your finger to,

but things going bump in the night and noises.

No. Won't catch me going out there, not on your nelly.

Who are these old ladies?

One of them is Ermyntrude. She's all laces, buttoned-up boots.

Then there's Cynthia, different again.

Bikes can be heard in three counties on a still day.

Cynthia and Ermyntrude.

Er, have they lived here long?

Long enough.

Genuine eccentrics are a dying breed.

Could be amusing.

That isn't a word I'd use, sir, amusing.

Won't be thinking of paying them a visit, sir.

If so, I'd forget it.

Take a tip from me, Mr Steed.

Stay away.

- Good morning. How do you feel? - CATHERINE: Fine.

JOHN: Have some breakfast.

A little stiffness in the old joints?

Vitamin C.

WHISPERING: The mill, it's gaining an importance.

Harris warned me against going. - Yes, I just heard.

It maybe just, sort of, genuine consideration.

On the other hand, I've got to go and phone my bookie.

Tuck in.

Oh, Stigant, Steed here.

Look, I need a spot of help.

You've been around here for some time, haven't you?

About four years now.

'Well, I'm interested in some of the local residents.'

I'm particularly interested in two old ladies

locked in a... well, a water mill.

'Er, name of Peck, sisters Cynthia and Ermyntrude.

'Can you find out about 'em?'

I'll do my best.

Good. I'll expect to hear from you.

Goodbye.

I think I'll pay them a visit.

The Water Mill Mob? HE LAUGHS

Yeah, and you can put your skiddlie to the ground

and find out what you can about 'em.

Hello, Mr Steed, I've been looking for you.

Good morning.

I want to talk to you.

Caroline, may I introduce Catherine?

She's the white hope in the black leather

of the Vernon & District TT.

- How do you do? - CAROLINE: How do you do?

I must say that is a very fetching cyclist outfit.

- Thank you. - JOHN: That's what I always say.

Very brave of you, I must say,

riding a motorbike. I'd be far too scared.

I suppose you're with those young people

camping down by the river. - Yes.

When I went by there,

the boys just stood and ogled. It was quite awful.

I shouldn't let that bother me.

Er, I think I better be going.

Yes. But when are we going to have our ride together?

Dear, I'm just aching for that canter.

Some other time. See you soon.

Caroline. Come along, my dear.

Won't land anything this morning unless you buck up.

CATHERINE: I hope you catch something.

CAROLINE: Bye-bye, Catherine. Nice meeting you.

SHE SHRIEKS

Oh, Myn.

A mouse, I saw a mouse.

- A live mouse? - Yes, yes.

It ran along there.

Ooh, ooh!

Oh, don't be so foolish.

That's exactly what we want.

We must catch it. A mouse!

Now, are you sure it went over here?

Yes, it was immense.

A rat? That's even better still.

Come on. Help me catch it.

Ooh, where did it go?

Shoo. Shoo.

Shoo. - No, no, not like that.

Get a broom or a... or a brush or some old thing.

Ah! There it is.

CYNTHIA GASPS, GROANS

BIRDS CHIRPING

Got it.

BELLS AT DOOR JINGLE Oh, no, no, no.

We can't have callers now.

No, peep out and see who it is. KNOCK ON DOOR

KNOCK ON DOOR CONTINUES

It's a man.

A gentleman.

He looks rather nice.

Well, send him away.

Oh.

Good morning, madam.

Good morning.

Are you the owner of, er, 447/9, code B?

This water mill?

Well, a part owner. My sister and I...

Ah. Then, er, may I come in?

Get rid of him.

We're rather busy, so if you're selling anything...

Oh, no, it's far from that.

My name is Steed, John Steed. Ministry of...

HE COUGHS

This climate will be the death of me.

- Mm. - Oh, excuse me, my credentials.

You understand then how imperative it is I come and see?

- Well, I don't... - Thank you so much, madam.

That's very nice of you.

A very fine specimen. I can see that you've...

I'm so sorry.

I can see that you've followed the stipulation

in Form A-47 to the last letter.

Yes, to the very last... Ah, madam,

you are the other part owner of this structure here.

Let me have it. Miss Cynthia Peck?

- Yes. - Good.

I'm delighted to make your acquaintance.

Now, what is all this about?

I was just explaining to your charming sister here...

Er, who are you?

My name is Steed, madam, John Steed.

- What are you? - I'm an inspector, madam.

An inspector of what?

HE CHUCKLES I think it's quite obvious, madam.

I'm a licence inspector,

er, for the National Distrust, madam.

I don't understand.

Well, it's a fairly new organisation.

Now, allied to the National Trust,

but different.

- Different. - Different.

Now, the National Trust

trusts people to look after buildings of national interest,

but we don't.

Oh, no. We don't trust anybody at all.

National DISTRUST, you see?

Now, that's why we inspect.

A whole body of our licenced inspectors

that's all over the country,

making quite certain that people look after their places.

Right.

Now, what have we got up here?

My bedroom.

Oh, I see. That's charming. Charming.

ERMYNTRUDE MUMBLES Er, and what have we here?

Erm... SHE CLEARS THROAT

A pa-pantry.

And I don't know why your department is so interested in this mill.

It was only built in 1870.

It's not historic at all.

Well, that's a lamentable argument.

Madam, I take it you know Stonehenge.

- Well, yes... - The old place is not what it was,

not by a long chalk. It's falling down, eroding.

And why?

No pre-planning.

Now, that's why I ask you,

both of you,

to... to look ahead.

Now, this admirable structure will be historic one day.

Now, you mark my words.

This is all very interesting, Mr Steed,

but, er, I'm so sorry. We must ask you to go.

We're very busy at the moment.

It's, erm, it's, er...

A village fete.

Oh, yes. Yes, the village fete. Yes.

The dear vicar has asked us to run the needlework stall,

so, you see, there's a lot to do. - I quite understand, madam.

- Very nice of you to have called. - It was an absolute pleasure.

- ERMYNTRUDE: Goodbye. - Goodbye.

Goodbye. HE CLICKS TONGUE

Oh! Let him go, Myn!

Pull yourself together.

Ah, the mechanism.

I do hope it isn't ruined.

BIRDS CHIRP

DULL EXPLOSION

Splendid.

Absolutely splendid.

SHE SIGHS

Ah.

BIRDS CHIRP

JUKEBOX PLAYS ROCK MUSIC

INDISTINCT CHATTER

- Well... - Any confirmation?

They're a pair of old witches,

at least that's their reputation locally.

- Probably suits them. - How?

Must keep the rumours flying,

in that way it stops other people bothering them.

The point is that they're bothering a lot of other people.

Well, you met them.

Yeah. They seem charming, and not offensive at all.

Mr Steed, phone.

CATHERINE: Oh.

MUSIC CONTINUES CHATTER CONTINUES

DAVE: I was snooping around.

JESSY: Did you find anything? Did ya?

No, not yet.

You've been down by the mill, haven't you?

Haven't you? - DAVE: How'd you work that out?

JESSY: Oh.

DAVE LAUGHS No, no.

JESSY: Come on, Dave. JESSY CHUCKLES

Well, never you mind, eh?

JOHN: Stigant, Steed here. Have you come up with anything?

STIGANT: I think I have actually.

This Peck woman, it could well be

that she is Professor Peck's daughter.

He died five years ago.

But if she is his daughter, it might explain a lot.

Can I see you later on out at the mill?

I want to see this woman for myself.

The mill it is.

Say, er, ten o'clock?

I'll meet you outside.

Oh, I think you've cast a shoe. HE CHUCKLES

- WESKER: Evening. - JOHN: Good evening.

ERMYNTRUDE: There's nothing here, not under N or D.

CYNTHIA: No, nothing here either.

National Distrust.

I knew we should never let that man in.

Cyn, you don't think he was a...

A spy? Yes, I do.

Just the same in dear Papa's day.

Spies snooping about, prowling,

trying to steal his secrets.

Yes, but he didn't see anything important.

He didn't see anything behind there.

Ah, no, but he wanted to.

He was suspicious, wasn't he? - Oh.

Now, the next time, we must...

What's that?

I didn't hear anything.

Yes, a noise outside.

It's only the wind.

- Someone outside... - ERMYNTRUDE: Oh, no.

..lurking about.

Stigant.

Stigant.

Stigant?

EXPLOSION

ERMYNTRUDE: Oh!

DULL EXPLOSION

TEACUPS RATTLE

CYNTHIA SIGHS, CLEARS THROAT

- Little too much nitroglycerine... - Oh.

..but otherwise very good.

We are nearing perfection. SHE CHUCKLES

Well, mustn't dally.

Back to the grindstone.

Work to do.

Oh, I do admire you, Cyn.

You're so dedicated to your cause.

Not my cause.

It's for the world, for its betterment.

That's why I feel a sense of purpose.

That's why I cannot brook any interruption...

..none whatever.

WESKER: Terrible business, Mr Steed.

Friend of yours then?

An acquaintance.

Yes, I'm sorry.

Terrible, dreadful...

..how such a thing could happen in a pleasant little spot like this.

Arrest them, gentlemen.

I told the police, but they wouldn't listen.

Turns out a mob.

Witchcraft, that's what killed poor Mr Stigant. Witchcraft.

I don't subscribe to that, but I do have a theory.

That's where I'd look for the murderer.

Cowardly young thugs.

I'd like a few of them under my command for a while.

JUKEBOX PLAYING

What's this job you're on then?

What job are you talking about?

You're up to something.

I don't care what or why,

just I think we're both interested in the same thing.

The water mill.

Am I right or aren't I?

Perhaps.

How'd you like to take a look inside that mill, eh?

How do you propose to do that?

Never mind that. It can be arranged.

Interested?

Yes, I am.

Hello, Caroline.

Hello, Catherine. It's wild, isn't it?

Yes. SHE CHUCKLES

Oi!

GLASS CLINKING TO JUKEBOX BEAT

It's not like it used to be.

Nothing's like it used to be.

There's still work for the individual.

Important work.

That's what I tell them at the War Office,

still work for the individual.

But they're fools, all of them, fools.

Why, I'm... I'm a man of experience.

You think they know that? No, of course they don't.

They're fools, all of them.

Retire from the service at my age? I'm in my prime.

HE CHUCKLES

Absolutely in my prime.

I still got a lot to offer. But they don't see it.

Oh, no.

But they'll regret it.

The machine will never completely replace the trained fighting man.

Not on any front.

Well, of course, I'm grateful to them,

retiring me ten years too early.

But, er...

And, of course, I'll have a chance to amuse myself.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll just go and get my coat.

It's now time for my stroll.

Right, Colonel.

- CATHERINE: Good evening. - WESKER: Evening.

Dave's gonna break into the water mill.

Good.

He's found a side door. The lock's faulty.

Oh, so that's what he was doing. When's it to be?

- Later this evening. - What about the old ladies?

At church. He's found that out, too.

Every Sunday, they go to evening service,

so the place will be empty.

I'll have to give you a ten-minute start,

then I'll follow you, just in case. - In case of what?

Dave showing more initiative than is good for him.

JUKEBOX PLAYING

Jessy, have you seen Dave, hmm?

He's around.

He's around somewhere, I suppose.

Did he go around the front?

Perhaps.

- Have you seen Dave? - MAN: No.

He'll come looking for you, I suspect.

He's all over you the first few weeks.

That's the way he operates.

Why don't you stay with your own kind?

I think you've got hold of the wrong end of the stick.

We used to have fun before we came to this place.

Nothing's the same any more.

I don't know why you joined this gang.

Jessy, I have to go out now.

ENGINES REV

- HARRIS: Let's go, you lads. - GIRL 1: Huh?

All out. ALL GROAN AND COMPLAIN

Go. Time.

GIRL 2: Time for his beddy-bye stroll.

There we go then.

Come on. The other way... The other way.

ALL LAUGH

Go on. The other way. Go on.

Good night. - ALL: Goodbye.

HARRIS: Good night.

Take care.

You don't want to let it bother you. SHE GASPS

Plenty more fish in the sea.

That's what I said to meself when my wife left me.

I said, there's plenty more fish in the sea, I said.

She's been gone quite a while now.

It's only once in a while that I miss her.

FAINT THUD

DOOR LATCH CLICKS SHUT

You don't have to dash off.

I expect you've got things to do.

Well, that can wait a while.

It's not often I get a chance to have a chat to you youngsters.

I suppose you think of me as Old Harris, eh?

I suppose.

Not so old, you know.

Yeah, I'll tell you something.

I've watched you a lot...

..twisting and all.

I've watched you more than I've watched anybody.

Get a lot of fun out of watching all you youngsters enjoy yourselves.

That's what I like.

Bet you get up to some tricks.

JESSY GASPS

H-Here, don't go.

Don't take it like that.

What she want to take it like that for?

Just... wanting to have a chat.

Always take it the wrong way.

I'm getting old. Otherwise, I'd keep her.

No harm meant. I just don't understand them.

You don't think this is just a trifle too gay, do you?

I mean, it does give my face a sort of lift, doesn't it?

You think too much about your appearance.

- Oh. - Have you checked all the windows?

Oh, twice, yes. They're all locked.

We can't be too careful.

I don't like leaving this place alone.

But we mustn't miss service.

The curate's going to read the lesson,

the pink-faced one.

He has such a lovely, lulling voice.

Not like the vicar. He bellows like a bull.

CYNTHIA: You keep awake this time.

Mr Steed?

I've just to go out for a few minutes.

Help yourself.

My habit. Back in a moment.

HARRIS: Shan't be long.

CAROLINE: Hello.

Whenever we meet, you always seem to be rushing off.

I know. Just terrible, isn't it?

I'm beginning to think you don't like me very much.

- I like you immensely. - Then why are you rushing?

I'm terribly busy at the moment.

But you're surely not too busy for me.

Just happens that tonight I'm on my own.

My uncle's out.

And, anyway, we haven't discussed our ride together yet.

And you did promise. You know you did.

I did, and some other time.

You'll stay and have a drink with me,

just one, to keep me company.

HE CHUCKLES I can't drink alone, can I?

No. No.

- Is whiskey all right? - Whiskey would be fine.

CAROLINE: I have to be honest with you.

There's a reason I came downstairs.

It's because I was feeling restless, and...

Anyway, I was thinking about you.

You fascinate me.

Don't think I'm prying,

but, tell me, why are you interested in that silly old mill?

Hmm. Ah, they fascinate me.

Swish of the paddle, creak of the wood...

I like to see where it all happens.

Shall we go and sit over here, John?

It is John, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

SHE GIGGLES It seems a bit silly

calling you Mr Steed.

After all, you call me Caroline.

Caroline.

- John, that's a nice name. - Thank you.

Well, here's to... la dolce vita.

HE CHUCKLES

You know, it isn't always a sweet life.

Sad, isn't it?

I mean, it's sad that all good things come to an end.

JOHN THUDS

SHE LAUGHS

SHE CONTINUES LAUGHING

JOHN GROANS Nyet! Nyet!

Now you have a good night's sleep.

MOTORCYCLES APPROACH

Mr Steed?

This telegram came for you, so I signed for it.

- I'll get it. May I? - I want to know about Cathy Gale.

She's gone off with Dave.

Oh, is that all?

I'll explain that to you later... - No.

I want you to explain now.

- It's not important. - It's important to me.

Please. - Oh...

Mrs Gale isn't interested in Dave, not in the way you think.

They've gone off together.

That is... Look, that telegram will explain it.

Open it.

PAPER RUSTLES

You read it.

"Steed. The inquiry, scientist Peck, deceased,

"invented jamming device capable of projecting magnetic field

"immobilising anything mechanical or electrical."

That explains the bikes breaking down.

"Only known relatives, daughters Cynthia and Ermyntrude,

"believed living locally, converted water mill."

This is probably what they're looking for.

What the... Hey!

MUFFLED GROANS Hey! Hey!

Dave!

Dave.

Cor. I got two heads, and they're both splitting.

I saw you ride off with Cathy.

Yeah, somebody's nicked me jacket.

Are you too groggy to ride that bike?

- DAVE: No. - Come on down, quick as you can.

Right. Away we go.

ENGINE REVS

This is a moment of history, Mrs Gale.

A bizarre moment.

Who would have thought, a quiet country village?

I had heard the English were eccentric, but this?

You know what that is, Mrs Gale? A device...

..that can immobilise anything from a toy train

to a nuclear warhead.

Undeveloped at the moment, but the basis is there.

And it will be developed, I assure you.

CATHERINE: What are you waiting for? KNOCK ON DOOR

My colleagues.

Watch her.

Splendid, it's splendid.

CYNTHIA: Oh! How dare you!

Ooh! Oh, that's hefty. Ooh!

CYNTHIA GRUNTS, STRUGGLES Oh, no. Oh, no. Aah!

OBJECTS CLATTER, CYNTHIA SCREAMS

Be careful! Be careful!

Oh! Oh, no! Oh, no!

- ERMYNTRUDE: Oh! - CYNTHIA: Oh, no!

MOTORCYCLE APPROACHES

CYNTHIA: Heavens. Oh! Oh, dear.

CYNTHIA EXCLAIMS

CATHERINE GRUNTS MAN GROANS

WESKER SHOUTS CYNTHIA: Come back! Come back!

JOHN: All right, young lady.

Look after her.

Wesker, where is he? - He ran out,

took the jamming device with him. - He did nothing of the kind.

The jamming device, as you call it,

is still here, completely shattered, ruined,

without any chance of replacing it.

Oh, poor Papa.

It belonged to Papa. He willed it to my sister.

We found it so useful to stopping noisy machines.

You mean this is the jamming device?

CYNTHIA: The only one in existence.

Then what did Wesker run out with?

My life's work, so near completion.

What was? What did he take?

My mousetrap.

All my life, I've been trying to build a better mousetrap.

DULL EXPLOSION CYNTHIA EXCLAIMS

CYNTHIA: Oh! My mousetrap!

It seems to be equally effective with the larger rodents.

Don't you think you're using too strong a cheese?

Oh.

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