All language subtitles for The Avengers S03E18 1080p WEB DL H264 BTN_track3_[eng]

THUNDER RUMBLING

We therefore commit
his body to the ground.

Earth to earth, ashes to ashes.

Dust to dust.

In sure and certain hope
of the resurrection to eternal life

through our Lord, Jesus Christ.

Amen.

ALL: Amen.

Who is that man?

I never saw him before.

- Do you know him?
- No. Must be local.

THUNDER RUMBLING

THUNDER RUMBLING

Quite satisfied, Mr Benson?

Absolutely.

You handled everything splendidly.
Splendid.

Words can't express...

You know,
we don't take testimonials.

I'm delighted.

It all went like clockwork.

Then this is farewell.

Thank you once more.

Thank you, doctor.

Thank you, Mr Benson.

Er, one last word.

I know. Utter secrecy.

You needn't worry.
- I'm glad.

You see, the contracts won't
be destroyed for three months.

Gives us a measure of cover.

Goodbye.

Another sucker lose on the world.

He won't be able to spend
the money fast enough.

He must watch his blood pressure.
It's high for a young man.

You want a drink?
- Hmm, why not?

Well, it's only National Health.

Four-star Napoleon?

Well, here's to instant death.

What's the matter?

The Hippocratic oath.

"The life so short,
the craft, so long to learn."

Well, let's drink to the short life.

Oh, I see you took my advice.

They do a good smoke, these people.

Should do at 12 and 6 a throw.

Roy?

Yeah?

I've been thinking.

We've completed nine cases.
We've done very well for ourselves.

Very well indeed.

I think we should call it a day.

You do?

Yes. Retire, get out while we can.

The more you have,
the more you want.

What you mean, doctor,

is that the Rolls outside
is paid for.

There's a hefty balance in the bank,

and you'd rather be
in Scotland salmon fishing.

- Something like that.
- That's a lot like it.

When I came to you with my scheme,

the shingle outside
your door was a lot tattier

than it is today.
- That was only a temporary...

Come on, doctor,
don't let's fool ourselves!

Another year and you'd have been

finished in London.
- Never!

I spent three months
looking for the right man.

A doctor whose plight was greater
than his professional honour.

I found you.

Yes, but it's almost impossible
to keep up to date.

I mean to say, I've tried.

I've read articles.

It's not the same.

As you say, we've done quite nicely.
Well, doctor, I'm not ready to quit.

Perhaps my ambitions have
more appetite than yours.

Look, we've made enough to live
in luxury for the rest of our lives.

Still, another 20,000 a year
shouldn't be so unacceptable.

Is there another client?

There is.

Male or female?

An aspiring widow, age 43,
but looks a lot younger.

Well, what's the matter now?

Carrara marble.

It was presented to me
by the hospital in Glasgow

for services to medicine.

Name, Turner. Husband's age, 48.

Names, Arthur George William...

Er, just a minute. Do you mind?
Not quite as fast as that.

Name, Turner. Husband's age, 48.

Names, Arthur George William.

Address, The Grove,
Hemel Hempstead...

WATER LAPPING

FOGHORN BLOWING

JOHN: Anybody home?

Oh, go away.

Fire.

What? Where?

What do you want?
- A chat.

Oh, we're having a party?

An evening with the YWCA.

- Ah.
- Ooh.

Sit down if you can.

And what can I do for you, squire?

I came to talk to you
about your father.

Too late, my friend. He's dead.

That's just what
I want to talk about.

Who are you?

A friend of the family.

I remember seeing you
at the funeral.

Wasn't it cold?

You don't have a match, do you?
- Sorry.

Hmm.

Keep talking. I'm with you.

- What'd he die of?
- Heart. Coronary.

How'd he come to
be buried in Cornwall?

My mother was Cornish.
Sounds schmaltzy, I know.

But it was there in the will.

There's sentiment
in all of us, you see.

Er, that's better.
The world's too harsh

unless you see it
through tobacco smoke.

Had he been ill for long?

Oh, off and on,
ever since he retired.

He used to be in, what you call it,
security executive.

I can see you don't believe
in a long mourning.

No, I don't.

It's a nice game.

When do I get a turn with questions?
- Help yourself.

Who are you? What are you
doing here? What's the point of it?

My name is Steed. I came to see you.

And I'm interested
in your father's death.

Professionally or personally?

- That depends.
- What on?

On your answers.

- What's your interest?
- I used to work with him.

So?

Well, we were in
a few scrapes together.

Berlin, one or two other places.

Ah, it's going
to be another war story.

No, it isn't, no.

How much? How much do you want?

FOGHORN BLOWING

Not to worry. It's one of ours.

What is it? The Old Comrades' Fund?

Bed socks for the veterans?
- Your father gave me a letter.

What did it say?

- I haven't opened it yet.
- Why not?

It was only to be opened unless
he died a violent or a sudden death.

Why'd he give it to you?

I told you.
We were in a few scrapes together.

This was no violent death.
He was in his own bed.

Then it was sudden.

No.

No, as a matter of fact,
it was a marvel

the old boy lasted
as long as he did.

Well, everyone knew
he was going home, everyone.

The doctor. He even knew himself.

He was punch-drunk with coronaries.

He must have had
a heart like a bull.

He was strong.

Well, you know that.
- Took a lot to kill him.

That old man was tough.

He was only 64.

I served with him
and I'm not Methuselah.

Well, it wasn't sudden.

You should have seen
the doctor's bills.

Put 'em end to end. And...
and the maids we went through.

Platoons of them.
- Who nursed him?

At the end? I did.

That's why I had this blind.

Hangs over you, doesn't it, death?

The machinery of it.

Throwing out the medicine bottles
and the boxes of pills, pyjamas.

Ugh, sick.

Oh, and Mr Steed?

What about this letter?
- What about it?

- What will you do?
- I'll call the bank.

Yes?

And I'll tell them to destroy it.

After all, we don't want
to upset you any more, do we?

No. No, I don't want to see it.

Destroy it.
That's good enough for me.

I think you can get something back
on the empties.

Thanks.

BENSON:
'Keep talking. I'm with you.'

JOHN: 'What did he die of?'

'Heart, coronary.'

'And why was he buried in Cornwall?'

'My mother was Cornish.
Sounds schmaltzy, I know.

'But it was there in the will.

'There's sentiment
in all of us, you see.'

Young Benson's father
had no more affection for his wife

than I have
for old Jolly Jet Jawsnapper there.

How do you know?

He booked her everywhere
in dicey airlines.

He used to permutate
for the next air disaster.

Happy family.

If there was fog in the air,
Mrs Benson was in the air.

Then there's no truth in his story.

Not that part of it.

Well, there's
no sentiment in security.

That I know.

Where were you carrying this?
- In my pocket.

I had a microphone lead
led up to my scarf.

Well, your old boss
has come to a sudden end.

I don't see there's anything
you can do about it.

Don't be too sure of it.

Young Benson looked
pretty sick when I left him.

Well, thank you for the cream.

Huh, I take it
with Swiss cherry jam,

thin brown bread and Indian tea.

And at about a quarter past four.

Do you? I like it for breakfast.

Read that.

"Joey, a king penguin
at Edinburgh Zoo

"spent 56 days trying
to incubate a currant bun."

HE CHUCKLES
The other side.

Oh, really?

"Notice of a funeral
service at Tinbey."

That's the place you went to?
- Uh-huh.

"2.00pm funeral service.
Church of St Alban's, Tinbey.

"No flowers."

And the same again,

and the same again.
- All within the past three months.

- Well, people do die.
- But Tinbey is a ghost village.

You mean, nobody lives there?

Er, it used to support a tin mine.

The tin mine went out
of action eight years ago,

and all the villagers
have moved to Bodmin.

Must have a strong attraction
for corpses.

So strong that people die in London

and are transported up to Cornwall.

Why?

He quizzed me up one side
and down the other!

Well, don't worry.

It's easy for you to say.
It wasn't you he was talking to.

- He's probably nosy.
- That's one version.

What if he were on business?
- Whose business?

It doesn't matter.
You've got nothing to bother about.

- If they exhume the body?
- They won't.

- If they do?
- They'll find nothing.

But I read in the papers that...

It doesn't matter what you read.
They'll find nothing.

Forget all about it and go home.
- No, don't give me the brush-off.

This cost me a packet of money.

You got what you wanted, didn't you?
Now go on.

I don't want the law
breathing down my neck.

No sense in being
the richest man in prison.

You won't be.
We're specialists in this field.

Remember one thing, doctor.

The Medical Council
wouldn't approve.

Yes, we're well aware of reminding
ourselves of the obvious.

Don't forget,
we have a contract signed by you.

I wouldn't do anything rash.

BIRDS CHIRPING

Morning!

CATHERINE: Morning.

A tourist in Tinbey
this time of year?

Surely not.
- No, it's a job of work.

Vicar?

Whyper, Adrian Whyper.

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

Job of work?

Yes, I'm writing an article
for an American magazine

on the English country churchyards.

You don't mind, do you?
- My dear lady, of course not.

But it's my brother Julian
you should see.

He wrote a paper on it.
What you call it? A thesis.

When we were up at Oxford,

I rowed behind him
in the Varsity Eight.

Fine oarsman, Julian.

- Where do I find him?
- Er, where indeed?

He's somewhere up the Congo,
missionary.

"Stranger in a strange land."

Yes, I know the feeling.

- You don't know Cornwall?
- Not well, no.

- Where are you staying?
- At the White Bear.

Oh, good choice, capital.

Have you been up
to the Minstrel's Gallery?

- Not yet.
- Oh, you must.

And you must try their ale.

Brewed on the premises.

"Wine is a mocker."

"Moderation in all things."

"Total abstinence is easier
than perfect moderation."

Oh, I don't know that one.

No, you've got me there.

St Augustine.

Oh, yes, of course.
Multi quidem facilius etc.

I shouldn't worry
with these new stones.

It's the old ones
that have all the character.

These are only
"Peace, perfect peace"

and "Entered into rest".

Very, er, unimaginative.

There used to be one in Penryn.
Now, how did it go?

"Here lies returned to play.

"Miss Arrabella Young

"who upon the first of May
began to hold her tongue."

BOTH LAUGH

Great sense of humour,

your Cornishmen.
- Yes.

Erm, is there anything
particular and personal

to your own graveyard?

Oh, yes, there's something
you can mention.

Just here by the lichgate,
there used to be a mandrake root.

Mandrake? The Mandragora drug?

Yes, that's right.
Mysterious plants.

No end of properties.

It was supposed to shriek
if you touched it,

and pull it up and it groaned
like a dying man.

Should be good for a paragraph.
HE CHUCKLES

Yes, we've got an awful lot
of deadly nightshade.

Must be something to do
with the soil.

Have you been as far as the Lizard?
- Not yet.

Nice little story for you.

When they built
the first lighthouse in 1619,

all the locals were up in arms.

Said they'd lost God's grace.

- What did they mean by that?
- Their pickings from the ships

that would have been wrecked
on the cliffs.

HE CHUCKLES
God's grace indeed.

- That's grim.
- Very.

Come let me show you the church.

I haven't done
me grand tour for years.

Yes, I'd love to see it.

Perhaps I might even be able
to sell you an illustrated history.

Proceeds to Congo Relief.
SHE CHUCKLES

Yes, there's been a Whyper here
ever since Queen Anne.

Er, I lost two brothers
in the Great War.

Lost a lot of fine men.

Senseless carnage.
- Mm.

Freddy was chaplain
at Passchendaele.

He knew Woodbine Willie.
- Did he?

Allen died with the Canadians
at Vimy Ridge.

- Vicar?
- Yes, my dear.

Who's buried here now?

I mean, now that
the village is gone?

Oh, not many, you know.
Just a few who were born in Tinbey.

They like to be brought back.

Really, then it's only locals?

Oh, no.

We do get the odd soul
from places like London.

Seems a long way to come.

- It's a long journey.
- Quite.

But it must be very expensive.
- Oh, I don't know.

It's probably cheaper
to be buried in the country.

I haven't been into
the economics of it.

I look at it like this.

If you've lived in the city
all your life,

all that noise and bustle,

you've earned a little peace,
perfect peace.

Yes, I suppose you're right.

- MAN: Look in here...
- Hello? Who's this?

I say, we're getting
quite congested.

HE CHUCKLES

Why, Hopkins, my dear fellow.
How nice to see you.

How are you?
- Fine, fine, Vicar.

I'd like you to meet Mrs Turner.

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

This is, er, oh, my dear.
I'm so sorry.

I don't know your name.

- Mrs Gale.
- Mrs Gale.

Mrs Gale, Mrs...
- Turner.

- Turner, Mr Hopkins.
- How do you do?

Will you excuse me, Vicar?

I've got work to do
and the sun's very precious.

- Why, yes, of course.
- Excuse me.

Bit of a writer.

St Augustine, I won't forget.
- Oh, right.

Nice girl.

Vicar, I want you to see
if there's anything

you can do for Mrs Turner.

Well, I'd be delighted.

Mrs Turner is arriving at the end
of a long and comfortless journey.

- Oh?
- It's my husband, Vicar.

He's dying.

- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- Could literally happen any minute.

This is the first time Mrs Turner
has left his side for weeks.

Ah, "A virtuous woman
is a crown to her husband.

"Her price is far above rubies."

When it happens, when.

She'd like him
to be interred at Tinbey.

Yes, of course.
Er, he is a man of the country?

- No, not...
- In spirit.

Yes, in spirit.

Oh. Well, excuse me a moment.

Fond of his garden, wasn't he?

Of course, you can't say
exactly when it will be?

- No.
- I'd say Saturday.

Saturday?

Then or thereabouts.

Oh, dear. Well,
we'll step outside in a moment.

I do have one very beautiful plot
just by the west wall.

Very sheltered.
Gets the noon sun in winter.

The first crocuses come up there.

I had thought of it for Julian,
my brother.

Oh, it sounds perfect.

Well,
I'll just take some particulars.

BIRDS CHIRPING

Good day.

Bit late to take
their pictures, innit?

Depends what for.

What was she doing?

Taking photos of them headstones.

Can't be bad, can it?
- Could be.

Well, shine your spade up.
We're in business.

So soon?

The vicar will tell you about it.

You've got the number.
Ring me if anything happens.

Trust me, guv.

Ta. Could bring me some jellied eels
or something, saveloys?

It's this local grub,
it's killing me.

If she comes snooping around again,
we might have to take steps.

Make it a double booking.

Now, Mrs Turner, we'd like to recap

on a few of the more
personal questions.

Any idea as to the present size
of your husband's estate?

About 200,000.

Net?

Mm-hm.

Any other living relatives
besides yourself?

I've checked. One sister.

- Sister?
- She lives in Perth.

Perth in Scotland?

- Perth, Western Australia.
- Oh.

And she's bedridden, arthritis.

Nasty complaint, there.
None of the drugs...

- What about close friends?
- We don't have any.

- Think carefully now.
- I don't need to.

My husband didn't make friends
or influence people.

He just made money.

Any other beneficiaries in the will?

No.

Insurance?

He always said his business
was his insurance.

Now most important of all,
when did he last see a doctor?

About 1950. He had his appendix out.

You sure he hasn't seen one since?

He's an apple a day man,
a throwback to Adam.

Without any of Adam's more
interesting characteristics.

He's not on any doctor's panel?

No, the appendix business
was before we moved.

- Is he a member of a club?
- No.

You understand,
we have to be very careful.

Of course.

- Doctor?
- I'm happy if you are.

Well, I think we can help you,
Mrs Turner,

if you still want to go ahead.
- Thank you.

You realise, of course,
you'll have to do exactly as we say.

Your neck may depend upon it.
- I know.

Be a shame for those pearls
to lose such a nice home.

SHE CHUCKLES
Wouldn't it?

Our first sordid detail, money.

We'd like a check.
- Now?

Would you like to sit here,
Mrs Turner?

There you are.

Who do I make it out to?

Mandrake Investments, £5,000.

The other half is due
after the ceremony.

You don't stint yourselves.

It's a very exclusive service.

Did Whyper find a suitable plot?

Most accommodating, that man.

Sheltered position,
gets the noon sun.

He was saving it
for his brother Julian.

That's awfully good of him.

Thank you.

Now what happens?

No colour, no taste, no smell.
Three in one.

The instructions are on the bottle,
which we want back.

Safety precaution.

How long does it take?

- Thirty minutes to an hour.
- Seldom more than 30 minutes.

- How much do I use?
- All of it. It's a fatal dose.

- And what are the...
- Symptoms?

Intense thirst,
stomach cramp, vomiting.

But it'll all be over very quickly.

Feeble, irregular pulse,
cold, clamminess...

Doctor, this is not
a medical lecture.

And when it starts, I call for you?

Correct.
I shall do everything that I can.

But, alas, you'll be too late.

From then on,
everything goes like clockwork.

Very well then.

Goodbye, Mr Hopkins.
- Goodbye, Mrs Turner.

- Thank you, doctor.
- Not at all.

Er, going shopping today?

Yes, I thought I might.

Buy black. It'll suit you.

I'll think about it.

Well, perhaps this may be
the last one after all.

I wouldn't bank on it.

She'll see through you soon enough.

Now you stick to medicine, doctor.

JOHN: Well, we know that one.
HE SNAPS FINGERS

Pretty good for a still life.

Yes, I took it at a 250th at 5.6.

Fare thee well.
Each to his own exposure.

HE SNAPS FINGERS
Don't do that.

- Why not?
- I feel like a projectionist.

Oh, Montgomery always did it.

So?

They do a rattling
good trade down there, eh?

Not bad for a ghost village.

HE SNAPS FINGERS
You're wasting your time, general.

- Why?
- There aren't any more.

Oh, house lights.
HE SNAPS FINGERS

Well, how many were there?

Out of the 11 you took...

Oh, nine are in Who's Who.

And seven of them left estates
of over £100,000.

So the majority of them are rich
and reasonably eminent.

At some stage of their lives.

Can you find out
who were their doctors?

I wish I knew.

Who was young Benson's doctor?

That's next on the agenda.

Young Benson,
he dealt with a Dr Macombie.

How do you know?

I had him followed.
He went off like a shot.

- Does he know you're on to him?
- He will when I'm ready.

Odd, though, wasn't it about
that cockney grave-digger?

He was so obviously a recent import.

Oh, did you find out about
that man I met down there?

- Roy Hopkins?
- Mm.

Was his car registration
a London one?

Yep. There are only two Roy Hopkins
in the phone book.

One is an accountant and the other
runs a cracker factory.

Let me give you a hand!
- Oh!

Please don't bother.
- Oh, I insist, my goodness.

Well, the customer's always right.

Thank you.
HE CHUCKLES

No, no, no, you keep
your flag on the summit.

I'll follow up with the ponies.

Oh, did I hurt you?

No, no, it's only a flesh wound.
Come on, confidence.

BOTH CHUCKLE
HE GRUNTS

Only a few.
- Oh, it's no use.

I've got till next Christmas
to clear them up anyway.

I'm delighted to hear it.
How do you do?

How do you do?

Now, I think it's my turn
to insist now.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Ham, and cheese and tomato.

Well, mustard?

- Of course?
- French?

- Well, is there any other?
- Enchante, mademoiselle.

BOTH CHUCKLE

Can I help you?

Mr Hopkins in?

No, he's lunching
with some Japanese businessmen.

They make the goodies
that go in the crackers.

Well, the little masters
of miniature.

Hey, what do you got in season, eh?

For piping your puddings aboard.

HE CHUCKLES AND CHOKES SHARPLY

Hey, careful!
HE COUGHS

Oh, erm, that's very good
on an X-ray plate.

Yeah. Well, we don't give them
to the very young.

- I should hope not.
- The Chancellor's Balloon.

Prevents inflation.

HE CHUCKLES

Look, I really wanted
to order three dozen boxes

of crackers for
an old folks' anniversary.

Oh, hey,
they mustn't crack too loud.

Of course not.

We have the most discreet
crackers in the business.

Try this for size.
HE CHUCKLES

Oops. Sorry.

CRACKER POPS
SHE GRUNTS

Oh.

Strength C. D is softer.

Oh, dear.
Perhaps we'd better try a B, eh?

Yep.

- Allow me, madame.
- Oh, thank you.

HE SIGHS

There you go.

All right.

Oh, marvellous!

That's very good indeed.
It will do really fine.

The old folks will love that.
I'll have three dozen boxes.

Does Hopkins have
an office around here?

Er, yeah. First floor.

Is he around all the time?

Oh, some of the time. He's not
exactly wedded to the business.

- No?
- No.

He inherited it.
His uncle died last year.

- Where was that?
- Cornwall.

Oh, fatal part of the country.

Hmm? Of course,
he'd sell out tomorrow if he could.

Why doesn't he?

LSD. What the banks don't own,
his partner does.

Oh, doesn't the business
do too well?

It's a very short season.

Mr and Mrs Public
just aren't cracker-minded.

Oh, Christmas,
yard kiddies' party, fine.

But, er, they're not on
a weekly shopping list.

I mean, it's not going
to replace vitamin C.

You can live without them,
can't you?

- At a pinch.
- There you are.

- What's he like?
- Hopkins?

Oh, a fat,
decadent bourgeois capitalist

exploiting the proletarian masses.

- Really?
- No, actually he's rather nice.

Er, who should I make
the invoice out to?

Er, the Twilight Home, Camberley.

- The Twi...
- I'll come and collect them.

Anything else?

HE HUMS

Compliments of the house.

My goodness me.
You sure took me by surprise.

Aren't they lovely? Thank you.

Hey, don't believe all
you read in the motto.

- You know I won't.
- Oops, terribly sorry, your honour.

- Who was that?
- A customer.

- What did he want?
- Crackers. What else?

I've seen him before somewhere.

Send me up a pot of tea,
will you, darling?

All that Japanese rice wine.

Eight of them treated
by the same Dr Macombie.

According to the death certificates.

- It's fantastic.
- Oh, he's a busy man.

But he's very happy to fit you in,
Mrs Gale.

In best pine?
Six foot by two foot, silk lined?

Hey, what shall
I have wrong with me?

Well, what would you like?

Well, I can offer him
any amount of bruising.

That's all that vigorous
company you keep.

How about a slipped disc?
- He is a doctor, Steed.

Hmm?

Well,
it's a pretty treacherous area.

No. Probe around, scare him.
See if he drops his thermometer.

What if he prescribes a trip
to Cornwall, his style?

Say you don't feel quite up to it.

As a matter of fact,
I booked you on the seven forty.

Arriving midnight.

- When?
- Tonight.

Ooh.

There's an enlarged lymph gland,
and the spleen's puffy, yes.

Well, I'd like to bring her
to the clinic.

All right. Well, I'll call you back.

Will you send in the next patient,
please?

Thank you, nurse.

Would you come in, please? Sit down.

Be with you in a moment.

What a very unusual surgery.

I wouldn't have thought a practice
in this area could be lucrative.

You'd be surprised.
Would you like to sit down?

Thank you.

- Er, now, Mrs Gale, isn't it?
- Yes.

It was kind of you to see me
at such short notice, doctor.

Not at all.
Well, now, what's the trouble?

I've got a bad eye.

Hmm. How did you do it?

I was hit with a hockey stick.

Oh. When was this?

Yesterday.

Is it swollen?

No, but it's very sore.

Is it watering up?

Mm. Ever since.

Right.

Well, perhaps you'd like
to get on that couch,

would you please, Mrs Gale?

I'll take a look at it.

That's it.
Make yourself comfortable.

Put your head well back, will you?

There we are. You can't be
too careful with these things.

The eye is not the delicate
instrument people imagine.

On the other hand,

it doesn't take much
to detach the retina.

Hmm.

It seems to be all right, Mrs Gale.
I think you're lucky.

- Good.
- Perhaps it'd be a good idea

to keep the dark glasses on
for a few days.

- Yes, I will.
- Well, erm, do you live in London?

- No. My home's in Cornwall.
- Er.

I have a cottage just
outside a little village.

I don't suppose you'd know it.
- Whereabout?

Tinbey.

No. I...
I don't know the area very well.

Oh, I'll get you some drops.
And if you have any further trouble,

don't hesitate to go
to your own doctor.

- No, I won't. Thank you.
- I'll not keep you.

Admiring my rockery?
- Yes.

What a lovely monsteriosa.

Yes, it is rather.

Now, er, don't use these like
an ordinary eye drop.

They're a wee bit stronger.

And you'll find
the dropper in the cap.

Thank you very much, doctor.

You've got your car here?
- Yes. Yes, I have.

Good. Tell me, Mrs Gale,

how did you come to choose me
out of all the doctors in London?

- I know a patient of yours.
- Oh? Who's that?

John Benson.

Oh, yes, yes. I... I know him.

Well, good day to you, Mrs Gale.
- Goodbye, doctor. Thank you.

Now pull yourself together!
Of course, we're not backing out!

She'll go through
with it as planned,

and so will you, understand?

OBJECT THUDS

HE CHUCKLES

We say we'll deliver,
we'll deliver. Mm.

Bye.

Problems?

Ah, business. What else is it,
but headaches and problems?

- Profits?
- Yes, you show me.

SHE CHUCKLES

Oh, er, that man didn't
come back again, did he?

Man? What man?

Er, your friend
in the fancy waistcoat.

The other afternoon?
- Oh, him. No, he hasn't.

If he does, er, tell me, huh?

- Yeah.
- OK.

CHURCH BELL TOLLS

ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING

SHE GRUNTS

HE GRUNTS

SHE PANTS AND GRUNTS

HE GRUNTS

Mrs Gale?

I think you owe me an explanation.

HE LAUGHS

Oh, come on, do you good.

Well, maybe just a bubble or two.

Tell me, do all your clients qualify
for champagne, lunches, and orchids?

Oh, Eve, shame on you.
What do you think this is, a PR do?

Chatting the client up?
- Sorry.

I'll forgive you... just.

It's been a long time since
I lunched in the West End.

Promise me something, Roy.

- What?
- You won't add up the bill.

If they want to overcharge you
for the Brussels, let them.

- He used to do that?
- Oh, practically a ritual.

We should be careful.
- We will be.

Afraid of, er, being recognised?

Luncheon with a prominent
cracker manufacturer,

anything is possible.

Oh, my chauffeur is discreet.

I wink with the right eye.
That means straight home.

And a wink with the left
means through the park,

and if it takes less than
40 minutes, you're fired.

SHE LAUGHS

And which eye is it to be today?

Well, seeing as Nelson was my uncle,
I'll let you do the winking.

Mm-hm.

- Have you decided when it's time?
- Yes.

- Soon?
- Tonight.

Good.

Well, let's drink to that.

No, I'd rather not.

Let's go, Roy.

Relax, Eve.

He won't feel anything, you know.

JUDY: '"Lord, Lord, methought
what pain it was to drown.'

"What dreadful noise
of water in mine ears.

"What sights of ugly death
within mine eyes.

"Methought I saw a thousand
fearful wrecks.

"A thousand men
that fishes gnawed upon.

"Wedges of gold..."

"I would speak with Clarence
and came hither on my legs,

"as the First Murderer."

SHE CHUCKLES
How did you get in?

Er, 'tis not...
I mean, it isn't locked.

Well, it.. it should be.
It... it's early closing.

Yeah, I know it says closed.
I grant you that.

So now you know.
I'm a would-be actress.

Yeah, I think I got that part.

- Waiting in the wings.
- What for?

- Parts for women.
- Eh?

Well, could you see, er,
Mrs Siddons or Sarah Bernhardt

riding a motorcycle
scratching themselves?

Ha-ha. Must be something
for a pretty girl like you.

Yeah, working in a cracker factory.

Oh, don't you let Mr Hopkins
hear you.

Oh, he wouldn't mind.

According to him,
the firm's losing a fortune anyway.

He obviously doesn't come
from the poor home.

Drives a fast car,
eats in swanky restaurants.

Hey, you've been spying,
haven't you?

Guilty.
SHE CHUCKLES

Hopkins said he recognised you.

Oh, where from?

- Couldn't remember.
- Well, good for him.

So what's your interest?

- Entre nous?
- Strictly.

Well, I have a little capital
to invest.

I thought this might
be a cushy little billet.

- Oh, this isn't it, believe me.
- I do.

Of course,
he has another string to his bow.

Er, Mandrake Investments.

That's what keeps him in clover.
- Oh, you know anything about it?

Mm, husher than hush.
I sent your crackers off.

- Strength B?
- Of course.

I hope those poor little dears
are all right.

I haven't read anything
about it in the papers.

SHE LAUGHS
There's my cheque.

Thanks. Hang on.
I'll give you a receipt.

Where is he today?

Lunch.

Look, is it Japanese?

No.

In fact, his lady friend
came to call for him,

a Mrs Turner.

- Loaded?
- And cocked.

If, er, he's out for another day,
why don't you call me?

Why? Why should I?

We could have lunch.

I owe you for the sandwiches.

- Nonsense.
- I know a little place in Soho.

Soft music, muted corks popping.

Gentle zephyrs wafting garlic
from the kitchen.

I don't like garlic.

And some of the best-known
theatre producers eat there.

Well, I don't actively dislike it.

Here's my card. It's a date?

Mr Steed, you're on.

WHYPER PLAYING 'FUNERAL MARCH'

- Where's Macombie?
- He'll be here. Don't worry.

How did it go?

- Went.
- What happened?

I gave him the stuff, left him.
When I came back, he was dead.

Easy, isn't it?

I'll tell you the answer
to that when we've buried him.

- You scared?
- Are you kidding?

Relax, Eve.

It's all yours now.

That's right.

Sorry, I'm late.
Little chap went down with flu.

One thing after another.

I only wanted to see
that everything had gone smoothly.

See you at the funeral.

Well, I've made out the certificate,
Mrs Turner.

And what did he die from?

Chronic gastric catarrh
with colitis.

I've also invented a medical history
for the patient.

Where are we now?

Last saw him three years ago.
1961, Asian flu.

Pleurisy last year.
And now gastric catarrh.

There's only one thing
I don't understand.

What's that?

Why not cremate?
It would seem far safer.

Yes, I know it seems safer.
But, you see, it isn't.

You see, it takes two doctors
to sign the certificate.

This way, it's far simpler,
much less fuss.

Mr Turner never liked fuss.

BOTTLE CLATTERS

DOG BARKING

Come out and drink your coffee
before it gets cold,

Seems silly to waste it.

What do you want?

Just another chat while
you're still with us.

- Been having me followed?
- Have I?

Thought you had me last time,
didn't you?

- Did I?
- All that talk about the letter.

There was no letter.
- Who told you that, Macombie?

- How do you know about him?
- How do you?

He was father's doctor.

You know what this is?

- No.
- The medical history, Steve.

And it lists all the treatment
that Dr Macombie

ever gave your father.
- What about it?

Well, when you sign
a death certificate,

you normally know your patient.

This goes back to 1956.
I'd call that knowing him.

July the 8th, 1956,
he prescribed a gluten-free diet

and some blood tests.

So it says.

On July the 8th,
your father was in Beirut

arresting a man called Malik.

How do you know?

Cos I was with him.
And he wasn't on a diet.

What do you want?

How did you meet Macombie,
and who put you onto him?

BENSON GRUNTS

- Was it Hopkins?
- He's a member of the same club.

Club?
So that's how he operates, hmm?

He belongs to about
every club in London.

Knows everything about every member.
- Does he know a good solicitor?

I expect so.

You better get in touch with him.

You're gonna need it.

BIRDS CHIRPING

# Lead, kindly light

# Amid the encircling gloom... #
- Vicar?

Er, Mrs Gale, you're back.

Yes, as I promised.

You were up with the larks
this morning. I missed you.

I've been in Bodmin.
I found out more than I expected.

Well, I hope now you'll be able
to give me a convincing explanation.

This is the analyst's
report on the soil

I took from the graveyard.
- What does it show?

The earth is heavily impregnated
with arsenic,

over 200 parts per million.

- Well, arsenic doesn't surprise me.
- Why not?

Where there's tin,
there's usually arsenic.

Yes, of course.

The mine was only a quarter mile
up the road.

Well, that's the attraction
your cemetery has, Vicar.

HE CHUCKLES
Attraction?

After a body's been buried
for more than, say, two months,

it would be heavily impregnated
with arsenic.

So it would be pointless
to exhume it.

Who would want to?

The Home Office.

Home Office?

Well, if they thought that
somebody had been murdered, yes.

- Murdered? How?
- Arsenic.

But who'd do such a thing?

Your friends, Hopkins and Macombie.

Do you mean to say
that all those bodies

I buried recently
were victims of murder?

Yes, I'm afraid so.

But this is terrible.

We must call the police immediately.

No, no. We must wait.
We've got to have proof.

Mrs Gale, we can't wait
for another murder to be...

We're too late, Vicar.

Oh, what a horrible scheme!

- How did you get involved?
- Involved?

You don't think that I was involved?

Well, then how did it come about?

Well, I first met Hopkins when
his uncle died over at Coad's Green.

I buried him.
- Here?

Yes, just by the west wall,
nice plot.

They were local people,
so it's very likely

that Hopkins could have known
about the arsenic in the soil.

And told the doctor
he was working with.

But it can't be true.
It never occurred to me.

They seemed such nice fellows.

I must write to the Bishop.

Vicar?

What were you getting out of it?

Oh, just a few guineas
for Congo Relief.

Good heavens.

Congo children educated
on blood money.

This is an evil business, Mrs Gale.
How are we going to stop them?

Well, we've always got your pistol.

Oh, that.
I found it in my cassock last night.

I confiscated it
at choir practise in Bodmin.

Thanks be. I thought I'd missed you.

Another minute, you would've done.

I'm sorry I didn't get your message.

That's all right.
You've odd hours, don't you?

It's an odd business.
Now, what do you want?

Tomorrow is D-day.

Eh?

Hopkins is out of town.

Tomorrow, huh?

Thought I would, erm,
exercise my option.

Hmm?

Garlic. Theatre producers. Remember?

HE GASPS
I'm terribly sorry.

Look, Judy, I can't make tomorrow.

Oh.
SHE SIGHS

Er, it's not that
I'm trying to back out.

It's just that I have to go
out of town in the morning.

- Yeah.
- How about next week?

Well, it depends on Mr Hopkins.

Prettiest cracker in the shop.
How about Monday?

SHE CHUCKLES
Come on.

£200,000, isn't it?

About that.

What next?

Some winter sunshine.

Canaries?

- Nassau.
- Hmm, very nice.

I've earned it. 14 years with him.

Still, just over £10,000 a year,
darling.

Anyway, you married him.

Well, now, there weren't
so many alternatives.

When I married the late Mr Turner,

I had a few shillings in my purse,
a pair of holey dance pumps,

and 12 years experience
in the chorus.

Plus, the firm conviction
that any striptease I did

would be strictly
for an audience of one.

Well, you have another audience now.

I'm retiring from the business.

Yes, but only temporarily.

I don't think so.

- This all sounds very final.
- It is.

What do you mean, Eve?

As far as I'm concerned, Mr Hopkins,
you're just another tradesman.

Now, look, Mrs Turner...

I've traded with you, Mr Hopkins.
End of story.

And I...

..go back below stairs.
Isn't that what they call it?

Where you go, sweetheart,
is strictly up to you.

Well, they're almost ready,
Mrs Turner.

And the Vicar would
like a word with you.

WHYPER: We therefore commit
his body to the ground.

Earth to earth, ashes to ashes.

Dust to dust.

In sure and certain hope
of the resurrection to eternal life

through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Amen.

ALL: Amen.

- Good morning, Mr Hopkins.
- Good morning, doctor.

- Good morning.
- Fine day for a funeral.

- Did you want something?
- Yes. I wanted to see you.

If we're going to catch that train,

I think we'd better...
- I won't delay you long.

This is rather an inopportune time.

This lady has just been through
the ordeal of burying her husband.

Who was poisoned along with Benson
and a good few others.

HOPKINS: What are you talking about?

Murder.

Absolute nonsense.
Would you mind letting us pass?

This is hardly the time for jokes.
- JOHN: I'm glad you agree.

Even if your allegations were true,

you could never prove it.
- Why not?

- Because the ground here...
- Quiet!

Arguing while Mr Turner,
God rest his soul,

lies in his grave.
- He doesn't.

- What do you mean?
- He isn't in his grave.

He's in the mortuary.

Postmortem an hour ago.
Result, acute arsenic poisoning.

- MACOMBIE: You fool!
- This is a bluff.

I don't believe a word of it.

All you buried were
four sacks full of sand.

A fine return for my money. £10,000.

Scott? Scott!

Come on, man.
Don't just stand there.

THUNDER RUMBLING
Hey!

What the?
HOPKINS GRUNTS

- Hey!
- All right, all right.

Take 'em away.

CATHERINE: The police are
with the Vicar at the vestry door.

Righto, Mrs Gale. See you later.

How much?

£100 and Queen's evidence.

Ooh, you could have
gotten him for 50.

What about me?

That's all right, my dear.
Plenty of room in the big car.

- It was their idea.
- Of course.

- They planned it.
- Naturally.

They even gave me the poison.

All you had to do was administer it.

Hopkins, I could understand.
But what went wrong with Macombie?

New techniques,
better-qualified men.

He just couldn't keep up.

And neither can I. What's the hurry?

I'm hungry.

Steed, do you know what
I'd settle for right now?

What?

Some of your brown bread,
cherry jam and Cornish cream.

Oh, at eleven fifteen
in the morning?

Told you I always have it
for breakfast.

HE CHUCKLES
THUNDER RUMBLING

Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com