Original subtitles

KNOCK ON DOOR

Come in.

- Mr Beardmore? - Yes?

The Right Reverend, the Lord Bishop of Winnipeg.

My dear sir.

How very nice to see you again.

I received your medical notes only this morning.

This is Sister Johnson, my constant travelling companion these days.

Well, I trust you had a comfortable journey, sir.

I must say, I'm somewhat surprised that your medical advisers in Canada

allowed you to make such a long journey

in view of what they told me of your cardiac condition.

Well, I have an extremely important convocation here in England.

And, of course, I'm naturally delighted at the opportunity

to consult you again after all these years.

I assure you, sir, it's my pleasure.

Well, what's your reading of those notes, Mr Beardmore?

I'm told the flesh is weak, but just how weak?

Well, first of all, Bishop,

I should like to examine you myself.

That is, of course, when you're sufficiently rested.

Well, I have an important appointment in Lambeth

in, er, half an hour.

And I feel quite rested.

Oh, well, if you'd care to step this way, sir.

Take off your top, erm... vestment.

Ah, there we are.

THEME MUSIC PLAYING

WOMAN ON PA: 'Pan African Airlines announce the arrival

'of their flight number 583 from Cairo, Khartoum,

'and Salisbury, Rhodesia.

'Passengers should proceed through Customs

'to the arrivals lounge. Thank you.'

- Have a good trip, sir? - I haven't been away.

I'll be meeting someone off the plane.

The Reverend Harbottle?

You know the vicar?

I don't think so. What are you doing with his luggage?

I thought you and I might have a look through it.

Won't the vicar have something to say about that?

He's not in a position to. He's been taken into custody.

- The vicar? - The vicar.

He's apparently been rather a naughty boy.

What a lovely pair of boots. I wonder if they'd fit me.

- Now, just a minute, Steed... - Perhaps you'd like them.

They're real leather. - I was called out of a hot bath

and told you were held up at Customs.

Hmm, is that what they said?

Oh, is that how they keep them stiff in transit?

Isn't that clever? Careful, it's heavy.

What on earth has he got in here as well?

Turn it upside down.

Hey, Steed.

It's all right. He won't be needing it again.

These are .38s. HE CHUCKLES

I don't suppose he wears it like that.

Oh, it cuts the Adam's apple something awful.

Where's the gun that goes with them?

Just what I'm looking for.

"Hymns, Ancient And Modern."

Look at this.

Hmm. Must be another part that goes with it.

There we are, one long-nosed Luger, authorised version.

- Who is he? - The Reverend Harbottle?

Well, according to my information, his name is Sacks.

He's also known as the Vicar of Ndola.

And he runs the biggest protection and extortionist racket

in white Africa.

He's also reputed to be a member of Bibliotek.

What's Bibliotek?

It's a kind of Commonwealth mafia.

And it's run in exactly the same lines.

What a dirty cassock.

A doll. - Hey, may I see?

- It's a Simon & Halbig. - Eh?

Simon & Halbig, they're the makers.

A German doll about, hmm, 1890, I'd say.

You're very knowledgeable, you know, Mrs Gale.

I used to collect them.

Head's a bit loose, though. It needs restringing.

Oh, poor girl.

It's a tricky job, not many people can do it these days.

Wonder what the Reverend Harbottle

was doing with a doll?

Temporal comfort.

Hmm. No, he's got his hot water bottle for that.

Hey, will you hang onto it?

I don't think he'll be needing it for a while

until we find out what he's come to this country for.

Oh, and you might keep that at your flat for some time.

I've got an appointment on Harley Street.

What for?

The most appalling dizzy spells.

Oh.

Call you a porter, miss? HE CHUCKLES

DOCTOR: Take in a deep breath.

Right in. That's it. Hold it.

Expand the diaphragm.

Now, breathe out slowly. JOHN EXHALING

Slowly. JOHN EXHALING SLOWLY

That's it. Empty the lungs.

Fine. Now, tell me if you feel this. - JOHN: Ow!

DOCTOR CHUCKLES Good.

Well, your reactions are quite normal.

Just slip your jacket on again, will you?

Er, dizzy spells, you say? - Sort of, yes, doctor.

But no actual pain?

Well, a kind of vague unrelated pain, yes.

Oh? Unrelated to what?

Unrelated to the, erm, to the dizzy spells.

HE CHUCKLES

Yes. Well, I think we can put it down to, erm, overwork, Mr Steed.

What exercise do you take?

Chemin, bezique, and a bit of baccarat.

Ah.

It could also be lack of fresh air, hmm?

That'd be quite possible, yes. The polo season's over, you see.

Well, I don't think you've anything to worry about.

Your heart's perfectly strong. Well, that's a great comfort to me.

Er, perhaps you'd care to come and see me again.

Oh, exactly a week's time?

- Certainly. - Right.

Get this made up yourself at the chemist.

I know it's a little unethical to inquire

about a fellow patient, but how is His Lordship?

His Lordship?

- The Bishop of Winnipeg. - Oh, you know the bishop?

My aunt's first cousin. I heard you were treating him.

Yes, he does consult me

on the rare occasions he's in this country.

I saw him in here the other day, as a matter of fact.

A friend of mine was saying so.

Heart's a bit dicky, isn't it?

I'm treating him for a cardiac condition, yes.

- How long will he last? - Now, really, Mr Steed.

I can hardly discuss that with another patient, now, can I?

Thank you very much.

It's just that I was going to be seeing him,

I thought that I might be able to help.

You might see that he doesn't over-exert himself.

He needs all the rest he can get.

And if he doesn't rest, how long do you give him?

Well, Mr Steed, since, as you say, you are a relative of his,

I suppose it's my duty to tell you the truth.

If he continues to ignore medical advice,

he could be dead within a week.

DOOR OPENS BELL JINGLES

Good morning. I wonder if you could repair this for me?

I'm sorry, at the moment, we can't take any more repairs.

We've got about three months' work in hand.

I'm sorry to hear that.

There don't seem to be many dolls hospitals about these days.

No, there are not very many.

But I have a list of them here somewhere.

But I expect I've been to most of them.

They seem to handle only modern dolls.

I was told you were the best people for this one.

An old German doll. Have you had this long?

No, I only acquired it recently.

Just a moment, please.

Hasek, a lady has brought this for repair,

a Simon & Halbig.

- Well, can you fix it? - Yes, we think so.

This is a very interesting doll. It's nearly 80 years old.

Really?

My husband was wondering how you managed to find one

in such a good condition.

Only about 50 of this pattern were made.

Then it could be valuable?

It could be very valuable.

- Can you mend it? - Of course.

- Good. - If you'll just give me your name.

Mrs Gale.

Though, er, the doll actually belongs to a friend of mine,

The Reverend Harbottle.

He entrusted such a valuable doll to a friend?

I'm afraid he couldn't call, himself.

When will it be ready?

Do you have a phone number, Mrs Gale?

- Yes. - We will call you when it's ready.

- Thank you. - We'll take good care of it.

Yes, I'm sure you will.

BELL JINGLES

The Bible class? Oh, yeah. Straight through there.

- Oh, thank you. - I'd better give you the keys.

You having it all over the Easter holiday, ain't you?

Yes, that's right.

The rest of the school's shut down for a week, you see.

Don't expect me to come in and clean out every morning.

The principal never said nothing about it.

No, it's all right. We can manage ourselves. Thanks.

What about the heating, then?

Er, would you like me to come in and stoke the boiler?

No, that'll be all right.

Have a nice holiday.

Thank you very much, miss.

These charities, they just chuck their money away.

Oh, you shouldn't have come by yourself, Bishop.

I was just going to drive over and get you.

I wish you wouldn't fuss, girl. I can manage.

But you heard what the specialist said.

And you have three really heavy days ahead of you.

Now, you sit down here and I'll arrange everything.

HE GRUNTS

It's been a long time since I attended a full assembly.

So you must try not to excite yourself.

Now, I've prepared a convocation agenda.

And I want it strictly adhered to.

Wouldn't it be better as a free discussion group?

The first couple of days, I mean? - Certainly not.

There's far too much of that nonsense

among the clergy these days.

When the old Bishop of Cicero was in charge,

it used to be a proper ceremonial occasion.

And I intend to keep up the tradition.

Now, after the collection,

we shall open with my welcoming address.

And then a report from each parish on the state of funds.

Are you listening?

Yes, Bishop, I'm listening.

On the second day, in the afternoon,

we shall make whatever readjustments are necessary

in diocesan boundaries.

And then, after the delegates have had an opportunity

to assess one another's capabilities,

we shall have the election proper.

I was going to suggest that you retired

on the final day, Bishop.

To give the delegates a chance of straightening out...

SHE STUTTERS

..straightening out any misunderstanding

that may have occurred.

I shall be here right the way through to the end.

Just as you wish, Bishop.

You're in charge.

That's right.

And I'm not going to let anyone forget it.

Spring cleaning?

No, but you can help me clear it up.

Who was that character running down the hall there?

Does he have something to do with it?

Presumably. The fellow from the dolls hospital.

Any idea what he was searching for?

Reverend Harbottle's belongings, by the look of things.

How did he know where to find you, eh?

I left them my telephone number.

I suppose they got my address from that.

And checked to see if I was out.

Anything missing apart from that dickie?

Not as far as I can see.

Well, I suspect he was checking whether you

and the Reverend Harbottle were acquainted.

Now that he's found that your belongings are here,

he'll be satisfied on that score, wouldn't he?

Is that why you wanted me to bring his case

back to my place and not yours?

Of course not. No. Just a matter of convenience.

I've got the spring cleaners in.

You can just move the Reverend Harbottle

somewhere else.

Ah.

Wonder if the bishop put him up to it.

What bishop?

The head boss man of Bibliotek.

What is all this clerical business?

I find it easier for travelling.

See, a Customs officer doesn't look too closely

at a very authoritative character in gaiters.

Well, they did when the Reverend Harbottle

came in this time because we were expecting him.

What is he doing here?

That's what I'd like to know.

It looks like a gathering of the clan.

Three top members of the organisation have come in

from various parts of the country.

And more are expected to be on their way.

Ha! Most of them with about,

well, at least three murders to their credit

and a crime sheet as long as your arm.

Well, why are we letting them in?

Want to keep an eye on them. See what they're up to.

I wish you'd done that with the Reverend Harbottle.

The Reverend Harbottle is a very different case.

None of these people have committed a crime in this country,

but the Reverend Harbottle,

he's wanted for armed robbery from way back.

I'm surprised he came in at all. Must be a very important meeting.

What's this doll got to do with it all?

Ah, thought you might manage that.

You can see where it's got me so far.

I must be on my way. I'll be out of town for a few days.

But I'll keep in touch.

And what about all this?

Oh, I'll send my spring cleaners in.

TELEPHONE RINGS SHE SIGHS

Hello?

Yes, it is.

It's the dolls hospital.

Yes.

Right. Well, thank you for letting me know.

The doll will be ready for collection tomorrow morning.

Good. You pick it up then. How much are they charging?

£20,000.

For restringing a doll?

That's what the lady said.

Name, please?

Harry, Archdeacon of Bangkok.

Right.

Name?

Fingers the Frog, Vicar of Toowoomba.

Right.

Sid, Dean of Rangoon.

Right.

- How are we doing? - Well, they're nearly all here.

- Good. - There's just the Dean of Wanganui

and the Reverend Harbottle to come. - Oh, well, I know about the Dean.

He was delayed in Sydney two days ago for a funeral.

- A funeral? - Unfortunately, it was his own.

Oh.

But I don't know about Harbottle. He should have been here on Friday.

- Do you want to wait for him? - No, let's get started.

HE LAUGHS

I must remember to tell that one to my verger.

Here, did you hear the one about the...

- And roll. - ..no?

Odds.

THEY LAUGH AND YELL

Quiet! Quiet, gentleman, please!

Quiet!

Please be seated.

We shall open as usual with a collection.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks.

I'm sorry I'm late.

The Vicar of Maboti.

You just will not understand, will you?

It's an extremely delicate operation.

But you've done it before.

Yes, of course I have, but it still takes time.

It's quite ludicrous to expect it to be ready for tomorrow morning.

I warned you it would be an emergency case.

You said you'd be all set up for it.

Of course, I am.

I still don't see what the hurry is for.

Look, I'm extremely busy.

You know the convocation doesn't last long.

And that it must be done before the delegates go home.

You have got the medical notes?

Yes.

Yes, they arrived this afternoon.

I'll still have to take several X-ray photographs.

I suppose you realise that. - You have all night.

All right!

Look, just leave it to me. I'll do my best.

Now, please, go away and leave me to do my work.

Won't you need the patient?

Oh, for heaven's sake.

What the devil did you bring that here for?

You know that side of the business is usually done at the hospital.

Yes, I know, but Hasek's scared.

He's afraid we might be being watched.

Oh, dear, dear, dear.

HE CHUCKLES

That's a very nasty compound fracture.

I have a replacement.

The lady will be calling at the shop to collect it.

- Oh? When? - In the morning.

So, you've taken over the parish, have you?

Why wasn't I informed of this?

It all happened at the last minute, Your Lordship.

The Reverend Harbottle received your summons,

was all ready to come, and just collapsed.

Of course, he always was subject to malaria.

And he didn't give you any credentials, Reverend Steed?

Apart from that keepsake there.

We were pretty good friends, you know.

- What's the serial number on this? - 13874, Your Lordship.

It's Harbottle's gun.

And how are we to know

it was malaria Harbottle died of, Steed?

I don't think it really much matters.

I've taken over the parish. I imagine I'm entitled to be here.

Yes, I suppose you are.

In any case, it shouldn't take us long to check

your credentials with our organisation in Rhodesia.

- Please do. - Perhaps you'd see to that.

And now, I don't want to hold up the conference,

so perhaps you'd like to meet your fellow brethren.

In the second row in the rear, the Archdeacon of Bangkok,

known to the laity as Harry.

- How do you do? - Morning.

In the first row in the centre, Big Sid, Dean of Rangoon.

HE SNEEZES

Still raining out there, eh? HE CHUCKLES

On the left, Fingers the Frog,

Vicar of Toowoomba. - Toowoomba?

Yeah. You know, the place with more pubs to the square inch

than any other town in the world.

In the rear, the Reverend Garfield Percival,

known to his friends in the Caribbean as the Coalman.

- How do you do? - How do you do?

On the right, Ricky.

Where you from, Ricky?

- Goose Bay. - And Mel.

- Hi. - JOHN: Hi.

Now, perhaps you'd like to find yourself a seat.

I now declare this assembly open.

What did you say your name was?

Steed?

That's right.

Steed, eh?

You must work with gee-gees then. HE LAUGHS

- Gee-gees. Oh. - Gee-gees, get it?

To my close friends, I'm known as Johnny the Horse.

HARRY: Get away. HE RINGS BELL

If I can have your attention.

- Very sorry, Your Lordship. - He's a pompous old lot.

But, er, you have to play along with him.

- Are you with us, Archdeacon? - Ta.

Good.

Now, may I open by thanking you all from the bottom of my heart

for coming here today.

You have crossed oceans, overcome great dangers,

put aside all obstacles to attend this conference.

You have answered the call.

And you've answered its fever.

Now, you may be asking yourselves

why I have summoned you here with such urgency.

That's right, Bishop. I was wondering about that.

Well, we have, of course,

some administrative problems to settle.

But chiefly you are here to resolve something

far more critical.

According to my medical advisers,

I am not long for this world.

ALL CHATTER INDISTINCTLY

Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.

Thank you, gentlemen.

In the time-honoured tradition of Bibliotek,

you are therefore summoned here to try to find a successor

to take my place.

My Lord Bishop, we're all deeply aggrieved

at your unfortunate predicament. - SID: Hear, hear.

However, in the light of the situation,

I should like to nominate Big Sid, a beautiful man...

I'm not taking nominations now.

The new bishop will be elected by majority vote

after you've had an opportunity

to discuss the matter amongst yourselves.

And what if we can't agree?

Then your personal property will be returned to you.

And you'll settle the matter in the traditional way.

Mrs Gale?

You have arrived early.

I thought I'd pay you a return visit.

You could have rung the side bell instead of forcing your way in.

We live over the premises.

You're hardly in a position to complain

after the mess your husband made of my flat.

I apologise for that.

He's rather clumsy at times.

But you do appreciate that we had to make sure of you.

Hasek, Mrs Gale has come for her doll.

Now, if you would just like to settle your bill, Mrs Gale?

I like to see what I'm getting for my money first.

£20,000, Mrs Gale.

The very reverend gentleman thinks the price is a little high.

It was arranged beforehand. He knew that before he left Africa.

This is no time to bargain.

I would say it was just the right time.

After all, you've done the repairs now.

At least I presume you have. - I told you over the phone

to bring the money with you.

Yes, but £20,000 in cash is a little bulky.

I'm not in the mood for joking, Mrs Gale.

We've kept our side of the bargain. - That remains to be seen.

You've done your checks, now I'll do mine.

When I'm satisfied, I promise you you'll get the cash.

If we don't get that money by tonight,

you can tell your reverend friend that he'll be hearing from us.

I'll pass on your message.

IN FOREIGN ACCENT: Why you let her take the doll?

I didn't want that doll found on the premises.

It might have been a trap.

You'd better go and see Sister Johnson at the school

and find out what's going on.

But that's always been mine, Bishop.

Harry will tell you that. We used to share it, didn't we?

That's right.

He used to control all that territory

from Hong Kong to Madagascar,

the most to get the rake-off off the Chinese traders.

Rake-off?

Oh, all right then, "missionary funds."

But it don't belong to Fingers.

How could it? His parish don't spread out that far.

- I run the girls, don't I? - What's that got to do with it?

Well, if I run the girls, I must have some control

over the territory I ship them through.

You can't operate it any other way.

You ain't gonna operate at all round our way, mate.

The vicar must have access routes, Harry.

But he's pulling in a cool two million a year on it.

By rights, that belongs to us.

- I'm sorry, Sid, but... - He's gonna be sorry, too,

when I've finished with his boys.

Well, if you don't like it, ask the others.

You want me to put it to the vote?

Oh, what's the good? He's got 'em all sewn up.

Hey, let's ask the Horse. He's new. Let's hear what he's got to say.

Hey, Johnny?

She's developing very nicely.

Reverend Steed. You're being asked a question.

Oh, I'm very sorry, Your Lordship.

Do you reckon Fingers ought to have it?

Er, no, I don't think so. Who wants it?

Big Sid.

- Big Sid, definitely. - There you are, see? Big Sid.

Put it to the vote.

No, gentlemen. On second thought,

this is a matter which the new bishop

can settle when he takes office.

Time is getting short and we have a number of...

Yes, Steed? You wanted to add something?

No, Your Lordship. I just wondered if I could be excused.

You'll all be excused in a moment.

- JOHN: Oh, good. - I said, "in a moment."

Now that we've resolved all other matters of estate,

you will go to refreshment

and communicate amongst yourselves

before the voting procedures begin tomorrow.

Now, go in peace.

Better make sure you keep your side of the pond.

I said, "go in peace", Reverend.

And I mean it.

Oh, really?

DOOR OPENS

Playtime?

Time to talk.

Ah, brandy balls, my favourite.

Hey, have they got any sherbet?

Sherbet.

Jolly mixture, jelly babies. Gob stoppers.

Oh, sherbet. - Thanks.

So, you got that little girl back again.

Mm, don't know what I'm supposed to do with her now.

She doesn't look much different from when she went in.

Notice anything about her hair?

- No, I don't think so. - Parted on the other side.

Oh, yes, suppose it is.

I'll take her apart when I get home.

Oh, by the way,

I had a friend of yours on the phone from Rhodesia.

Oh, yes, he was rigging up a crime sheet for me

in case of any questions.

I asked him to contact you for any little details.

Well, apparently Bibliotek has already been checking.

There's one little detail your friend would like to know.

Who's Johnny the Horse?

Me.

Steed. The derivation is equestrian.

I should have guessed.

Oh, they've done a pretty good job on her.

But, you know,

I don't know how she's worth £20,000 pounds.

Oh, don't worry. I didn't pay it.

What did they say?

That you'd be hearing from them.

Thank you very much.

I didn't see any point in parting with all that money unless I had to.

Look here, I'm sitting in that classroom with seven gunmen,

all of whom would put a bullet in me as soon as look at me.

If they found out that I'm tardy in paying my debts,

that's just what they'll do.

What did you do with the money anyway?

I deducted £200 for the damage done to my flat.

And I put the rest in your bank.

So, I'm afraid if they push you,

they'll have to wait till the banks open tomorrow morning.

Well, I certainly hope they're prepared to.

Look, you go to this address this evening.

AS Beardmore, Harley Street.

Yeah. He gave me a bottle of jollop last time.

You might say I finished it and I want some more.

Oh, yes, how are your dizzy spells?

A good deal worse.

Oh, and tell him I'm waiting for him to fix me up with some exercise.

CASH REGISTER RINGS

- Have you found him? - No, I've searched the building.

And he's not in the playground with the others?

Nobody's seen him. I don't like this, Bishop.

I didn't trust Steed from the minute he arrived.

But he's been checked.

I got a telegram back from Africa an hour ago.

He has a record going back to when he was nine years old.

In fact, he seems a better man than Harbottle.

I only wonder that he hasn't been brought to my attention before this.

But that's what I mean.

Well, you know what Harbottle was like.

Jealous of his position.

Typical of him to keep a good man like this down.

Well, I'd feel happier if I knew where he was.

He should know the rules even if he is new.

I'll bring that to his attention very sharply.

And now I'm... I'm tired. I...

I'd like to get some rest before tomorrow.

Of course, Bishop.

Johnny.

You rotten cheat.

You were supposed to hand that in.

I was gonna offer you a brandy ball.

Oh, no, thanks. They give me horrible toothache.

Listen.

Sid and I want a quiet word with you.

Psst.

- They've gone. - Good. Come on.

Shut the door, Harry.

Well, what's it all about?

The new bishop.

Sid and I have got one or two ideas about the election.

Oh, you're thinking of forming a voting bloc, eh?

It's quite usual.

Who's your candidate, Big Sid?

Well, it's not that we're trying to fix it to get Big Sid in.

We just want to make sure we keep Fingers out.

What's his voting strength?

He's got a lot of the boys tied up with his bandit racket.

But, er, that don't mean to say they're all gonna vote for him

when it comes to the crunch.

We reckon he can pick up about half the votes

as things stand now.

That's not counting you, Johnny.

Anyone else likely to get in?

No. It's either gotta be Fingers or Big Sid.

All right. What's your proposition?

You know what the job is worth, don't you?

JOHN: I wouldn't like to guess.

The bishop picks up a million a year in membership alone.

That's apart from his personal rackets.

Job is worth about three and a half.

What are you offering for my vote?

Hundred grand a year if I get in.

All right, then, I'll give it a thought.

You think about it the right way, Johnny.

We might throw in a few of Finger's clip joints in Singapore.

But you'd have to get rid of him first.

But, er, we'd give you a hand.

Wouldn't it be cheaper to just rub him out?

- The bishop wouldn't like that. - The bishop isn't any too well.

Even if he was on his last croak,

he can still move his hands faster than you could, old sport.

How do you think he got this job?

I'm glad to see you're back, Steed.

Maybe you'd like to tell me where you've been.

Yes, Sister, I had some business to attend to.

There's a rule at all assemblies that nobody leaves the premises

until the election has been declared.

Oh, I'm very sorry. I just didn't know that.

You do now.

Where do we sleep, then?

Here in this room.

- What? All seven of us? - All seven of you.

Huh, sounds like fun.

- It is. - Yeah.

Why didn't Mr Steed come personally, Mrs Gale?

I'm afraid he's not feeling too well.

Oh, dear. I am sorry.

If I'd known, I'd have called on him.

Hope he's not doing too much running around.

No. Somehow he manages to get me to do that for him.

Really?

HE SIGHS I feel I must tell you, Mrs Gale.

I knew the Reverend Harbottle.

I treated him the last time I was in Africa.

Oh, I beg your pardon. Cigarette? - No. No, thank you.

Ah...

- You were saying? - Hmm?

Ah, yes, the Reverend Harbottle.

He didn't have malaria.

That's interesting.

So, you see, Mr Steed's story wasn't strictly true.

Maybe malaria was a euphemism for something else.

- I find that rather disturbing. - Why?

I'm wondering whether Mr Steed is going to prove

a worthy successor to the previous vicar.

I'm sure he'll do his best.

Yes, but he doesn't seem to have done too well so far, does he?

I mean, Harbottle usually paid his debts.

So does Steed when he knows what he's paying for.

And that's something else that disturbs me.

Steed doesn't seem to have been too well briefed

before he left for London.

- Maybe there wasn't time. - I hope that's the reason.

Mr Beardmore, shall we come to the point?

What exactly is Steed's brief supposed to be?

HE CHUCKLES Yes, well, now, you see,

you've put me in rather a difficult position.

Either Mr Steed doesn't know what he's here for,

in which case a lot of people have been wasting time and trouble.

Or else he does know and hasn't confided in you.

Well, while you're pondering on that,

will you, er, write the prescription?

After all, that is what I came for.

Yes. I suppose I'll have to take a chance, won't I?

Unless you're prepared to be more specific,

I'm afraid you will.

All right, I have it made out for you.

HE SIGHS

You won't be able to obtain this at the normal chemist.

I've put the name and address of the special supplier

at the bottom.

Steed will get his instructions from them.

Bromoacetone?

Yes. Do you know what it is?

Mm, tear gas.

Faite vos jeux. Come on, get your gelt on.

ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY

All right, then. Rien ne va plus.

No more bets, and we're off.

ROULETTE BALL SPINS

- Yes, it's black 15! - Thank you.

Hey, wait, is this wheel rigged?

I hope not.

I don't like the way Sid keeps on winning.

You two wouldn't be working it between you, would you?

- Of course, we ain't. - Here I go again.

Uh-uh. I'll spin it this time. Keep your paws off it.

Righto. Bets on?

Right. I'll have the 28 black.

ALL CHATTERING

- All on? - Yeah.

OK, no more bets. Here we go.

Black 10!

If you don't mind, er, beginner's luck.

- All right, boys, that'll be all. - Thank you very much.

Oh, give us a chance to get even.

I said lights out, Fingers.

All right, turn in, boys. You got a busy day tomorrow.

- Good night, me Lord Bishop. - Good night, Your Lordship.

Yeah, good night. HE SIGHS

HE CHUCKLES

- Oi. - Huh?

- Johnny? - What?

Listen, I've got a proposition for you.

About Big Sid?

Yeah. I want your vote.

What's it worth?

Oh.

And you're on.

Fair enough.

Sid. Follow that.

Hang on.

Who are you?

I'm a friend of Johnny the Horse.

What do you want here?

He forgot his toothbrush.

Well, fetch Johnny.

Tell him his bird is here.

I, er, hope I didn't wake you.

Just so long as you didn't wake the bishop.

If he found you here, there'd be trouble.

Hello, my dear.

Very thoughtful of you to come.

You must be off your rocker, Johnny. Birds ain't allowed.

Oh, go on, Harry. You're just jealous.

Harry's right.

We ain't supposed to have nobody contact us while we're in session.

You won't report me. You're counting on my support.

Fair enough.

But I wouldn't stop out here too long if I was you.

Very understanding fellows, you know.

Get the medicine?

Yes. The prescription was marked urgent.

Thank you very much.

Oh, this says I got to take over.

I've got very formidable competition in there.

Incidentally, I've had a closer look at that doll.

There was microfilm sealed in the head.

I've had it copied and blown up.

It appears to be yards and yards of top secret information.

I'm having it checked.

WHISPERING: Better get back.

WHISPERING: No talking in bed.

THEME MUSIC PLAYING

Now, try and relax, Mr Steed.

Oh, keep the leg out straight. - Oh!

Will it have to come off, doctor?

The leg? Oh, I very much doubt it.

It's only a flesh wound. - I'm very glad to hear that.

This is only a temporary dressing.

You'll need to get it changed in a couple of days.

But that will hardly take specialist treatment.

I thought it best to come to you.

An ordinary doctor would be bit surprised

seeing a bullet in the shin, eh? BOTH CHUCKLE

- Very wise proposal. - You gonna X-ray it?

I don't think that's necessary.

You got all your equipment set up there?

Oh, thank you very much for the medicine.

I gather you didn't have an opportunity to use it.

I was all set up for the takeover bid

and Sister Johnson with the banner beat me to it

with a weapon far more lethal.

JOHN CHUCKLES Just see how that feels.

JOHN GROANING

All right?

Yeah, I can manage very well, thank you.

Oh, you may need a stick for a couple of weeks.

- I'll borrow one from the bishop. - Ha-ha. Yes.

Ha-ha. How is he, by the way?

Well, you will have seen him last, you tell me.

I mean his heart.

Well, I must say I'm surprised he manages to keep going

under the circumstances.

- Hmm. - Tell you what, try this for size.

Thank you very much. He's a tough old bird.

Yes, he is. I think that's about all I can do for you

at the moment, Mr Steed.

You'll call and see me again before you leave for Africa?

I will. Thank you for doing a rush job on me.

Not at all.

You're lucky it wasn't something more serious.

- Yes, I suppose I was. Good night. - Good night.

Why'd you let him go?

Well, what else could I do? We still have to have proof.

I sent that cable off to our

organisation headquarters at Singapore.

They'll check up on Steed for us.

Well, what if he's a phony and doesn't know

that Harbottle was playing a double game?

He's still got our microfilm of top secret information.

And we've got to keep it out of the hands of Bibliotek.

Yes. Well, I'm not going to do anything else

until I get new instructions.

As it is, they'll likely be pretty upset about the way

you took the law into your own hands with that machine gun.

What difference does it make? It achieved the same object.

No, not quite.

There's still your boyfriend, the bishop.

Wait. I'll get him.

Oh, Bishop, you settled your election problem very nicely.

If you think I was responsible for this, Reverend Steed,

you're very much mistaken.

I'm very story that I misjudged you.

Some of the deceased were my personal friends.

They were my flock.

And we are all diminished by their death.

Diminished is right.

But Bibliotek will live on, Steed.

It has survived for the past 300 years.

And the thread will not be broken by this butchery.

Butchery? Look, you were perfectly prepared for them

to bump each other off if you had trouble

with your election problems, eh?

Well, that's entirely different.

The settling of internal differences is both traditional and honourable.

But I will not tolerate massacre from another gang.

Do you think Sister Johnson was working for another gang?

I had suspected her for some time.

I have to take special drugs, you see, for my heart.

I took the precaution to have them analysed.

She's trying to poison you, you mean, hmm?

Let's say the drugs were not designed to improve my health.

Then why did you keep her around?

Our relationship was rather closer than it appeared.

Messalina.

If it was that close, she wouldn't have much trouble, would she?

She seems to be quite a dab hand with firearms.

She wouldn't have dared to use them on me.

Or my fellow prelates would soon settle with her.

Well, they're bound to do that under the Constitution,

as you must know.

Oh, so she settled the fellow prelates fast.

Fortunately, not all of them, Steed.

I want her found.

And you'll find her for me.

- I'll do everything I can. - I'm sure you will.

You might also keep an eye out for Fingers.

Fingers?

You're not the only candidate left for my position, Steed.

I don't care what Beardmore says. I want you to get that doll back.

If you're so worried, why don't you get it back?

There are reasons why I have to lie low.

And Hasek knows Mrs Gale's flat.

I will not go there again.

Look, she knows the doll's valuable even if she doesn't know why.

Do you think she'd leave it around just for anyone to pick up?

Well, offer to buy it back. I'll arrange the finance.

And if she won't sell?

Well, we'll have to find a way of making her.

DOORBELL JINGLES

Shop. You better get out of sight.

- Anyone serving? Oh. - What can I do for you?

Oh, what a beautiful ballerina.

Yes, it was made in Vienna in the 1880s.

SHE GASPS

What are you doing here? What can I do for you?

Well, this is the most interesting part of the shop.

Coppelia, right?

DOLL MUSIC PLAYING Oh, it's...

I thought it was the Dance Of The Automatons, but not quite.

What can I do for you?

Oh, yes. I brought this doll for repair. Here we are.

Careful now. It's very, very delicate.

But that is the same one that I gave to Mrs Gale.

Yes, poor girl, she's been in before.

What has happened to her head?

Oh, I stamped on it by accident. It's terribly clumsy of me.

I tried to stick her up with sticky paste,

but she's not the girl she was.

I thought perhaps you might be able to fix her for me.

- Yes, I'm sure we can. - Right. I'll leave her with you.

Oh, and let me know, will you, when she's ready?

- Of course. - Thank you very much.

Oh, that reminds me.

I think we owe you for the last time she came in,

so we'll settle it all together if that's all right.

- Perfectly all right. - Thank you.

DOOR CLOSES BELL JINGLES

Well, we don't have to bother with Mrs Gale after all.

I wouldn't be too sure of that.

Where's Johnny the Horse?

He's out on business.

Uh-huh. Then I'll wait for him.

HE SIGHS

Do make yourself at home. Would you like some coffee?

I've got some going. - I could do with a drink.

How did you know where to find me?

Followed you home from school last night.

But didn't carry my books for me? HE CHUCKLES

Whiskey? - Straight.

And pour yourself one. - Oh, very kind.

I'll have that one.

Suspicious, aren't you?

HE CHUCKLES Just careful.

Cheers. - Cheers.

HE SIGHS

Another?

Yes. DOOR RINGER BUZZES

A friend of yours has called to see you.

Hello, Vicar. I've been looking for you.

Er, Johnny, I wanted to talk to you.

Alone.

Excuse me. I'll get the coffee.

Very considerate of you, Mrs Gale.

HE SIGHS

Listen, Johnny, I got a proposition for you.

- What, again? - Now, look.

With Big Sid and Harry out of the way,

we could operate this lot between us, you and me.

- The bishop's running it. - Well, he can't last much longer.

I wouldn't count on it.

He seemed to be picking up when I last saw him.

Well, then he'll have to be fixed, won't he?

- That's strictly against the rules. - From now on,

we make our own rules. - Who's gonna fix him? You?

I thought we might arrange it between us.

Take him from both sides at once.

With the bishop out of the way,

we could split this organisation right down the middle.

- I don't know how it operates. - It's dead simple. For example,

there's the refugee fund racket.

You just soak all these rich old girls for all their worth

and feed it back into the business.

You got to keep this church stuff going,

but it's well worth it. Then second...

There's just one snag, Fingers.

Supposing I help you fix the bishop,

what happens when you take over the whole organisation?

Well, that's a chance you'll have to take, isn't it?

Anyway, think about it.

But if you don't come in on it, I'll fix the bishop meself.

Good luck.

But you'll be helping me all the same...

..whether you like it or not.

OK, you can come out now.

Aren't you staying for coffee?

Coffee? No, thanks.

Don't forget, Johnny.

Think about it.

- Charming friends you have. - Ha-ha.

I take it that was Fingers.

- The Vicar of Toowoomba. - What did he want?

He wanted me to split it down the middle with him.

What, Bibliotek?

That's right. You got that, er, little list for me?

Oh, yes, it's quite a long list, as it turned out.

Beardmore has a lot of patients.

Why, just looking at the first few,

I can see that they have access to top secret information.

- Who's the information going to? - Out East.

So, Harbottle came here to collect microfilm.

And used Bibliotek convocation as a cover.

The bishop certainly didn't know that.

You know what's puzzling me? - Hmm?

If Fingers left before the shooting, how did he know I was alive?

What's more, how did he know the others were dead?

- Perhaps he went back there. - He wouldn't risk it.

The bishop hasn't left that classroom since it happened.

Sister Johnson?

HE SIGHS

- Well, have you enlarged it? - Yes.

Let me see.

What is this? Two sheets, four pillowcase...

It's a laundry list.

Steed has a very bizarre sense of humour.

- Now do you believe me? - What difference does it make?

Even if he sent the right film back, he could still have had it copied.

But he couldn't have proven anything.

But now we've let him have that microfilm,

he's got quite enough evidence.

HE SCOFFS

Well, we can still leave the country.

No, we must get control of Bibliotek first.

All right, you do it by yourself.

Oh, you're far too involved to creep out now, Beardmore.

Mrs Gale, your doll is ready for collection.

I've been expecting you for the past hour, Mrs Gale.

HE GRUNTS

OBJECTS CLATTER

Sorry you decided to take it by force.

I'd actually come to pay your bill.

I find that rather difficult to believe.

Count it.

I'm prepared to pay for cooperation.

You can keep that if you tell me what I want to know.

We keep the money and go free?

That's up to you, but you'll have to move fast.

All right. This time we keep all the money.

We'll tell her what she wants to know

and we get out, right? - It's a deal.

They don't tell us much, you understand?

But we hear things. - Go on.

Harbottle was supposed to take over from the bishop.

- Who was going to help him? - Sister Johnson.

- Anyone else? - Fingers.

Right. That's yours.

You've come against it this time, Mrs Gale.

Morning, sir. Your Worship.

- Yes? - About the Bible class, sir,

I tried to get in the classroom just now to empty the basket,

but it's locked. - Ah, yes.

Well, I still have one short service to conduct.

Oh, I see. I just need you to be out by this morning.

The needlework people got this evening, you see?

Well, I'm sure you can give us one more hour.

Oh, well, I can sweep out the gym first.

Thank you.

Keep going and don't try nothing.

ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING

He must be conducting the traditional memorial service

for the delegates.

Memorial service?

Well, keep going.

You've come back for the service, have you?

Not quite, Bishop.

HE GRUNTS

BISHOP: Beardmore! GUNSHOT

GUNSHOT

SISTER JOHNSON GROANS

- Nice shooting there, Bishop. - You, too.

You'll prove a worthy successor for my office.

I'm afraid not, Bishop.

You're due for defrocking anyway.

ORGAN RECORDING STOPS What are you talking about, Steed?

You've nothing to fear from me. You're head of Bibliotek now.

Bibliotek is finished.

You mean, you're working for some other interest?

You might say that.

But, Steed, Bibliotek is worth millions.

Don't throw it away, man.

You and your lady friend could live like kings

for the rest of your life.

Thank you, but I prefer the simpler life.

After you, Bishop.

Whoops! Mind the Vicar of Toowoomba.

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