Original subtitles

KNOCK AT DOOR

Come in.

Ah, welcome back, Marcus.

It's good to see you again.

Thank you, Sir Bruno. It's good to be back again.

How was your flight?

Fair. It was foggy out of Idlewild, but otherwise, quite pleasant.

Good, let's have some wine.

Well, how did things go? - Most encouraging.

Excellent reports from all provinces.

I've got all the details with me.

We've elected the senator for Singapore. An Englishman.

- Called? - Sears.

Sears.

We will call him Spartacus, Gladiator of Imperial Rome.

- Indeed, Excellency. - And now, a toast to Spartacus.

Audentes fortuna juvat. - Audentes fortuna juvat.

Well, now, what other news?

In the Caucasus, the flies are warbling.

HE CHUCKLES SOFTLY What's happening in Europe?

In Provence and around Madrid, the peasants itch and go deaf.

Oh, some will die, Marcus, some will die.

- The pigs are walking backwards. - Splendid.

HE CHUCKLES Admirable.

Here, Marcus.

Things are going well, but this is only a beginning.

See?

Soon we shall serve them fear.

Simple, naked, fear.

HEAVY MACHINERY WHIRRING

HE KNOCKS ON DOOR

MAN: Enter.

Ah, Penrose, hello. Hold on a minute, would you?

Now, then, gentlemen, don't you worry.

You leave it all to us, eh?

Insecticide, animal feed, fertilisers, we've got the lot.

You sow it, we grow it. You breed it, we feed it, eh?

HE CHUCKLES PHONE RINGS

Excuse me.

Hello? Mrs who?

Mrs Gale? Oh, yes, wheel her in, would you, Mary? Thank you.

Righty-o, then, gentlemen, we'll be in touch, eh?

Oh, I know it sounds pretty puzzling,

but our technical bods could work wonders,

believe you me.

OK, Penrose, will you take these gentlemen

over to the research laboratory?

Ah, good morning, Mrs Gale. Come in.

OK, gentlemen, leave it all to us then.

How do you do, Mrs Gale? - How do you do?

I hope I haven't caught you at a bad time?

Oh, no, no, no. They were just off. They're over from Ireland, you know.

There's been an infestation of black-grass out there.

- Is it serious? - Well, it could be.

It's not really my line of country, you know. I'm public relations.

Still, I understand, there have been

a number of widely separated outbreaks. It is very curious.

Oh, now, do forgive me, Mrs Gale. Come and sit down.

Thank you.

I've got your letter here somewhere.

Ah, ah, yes.

You're from the Universal Health and Famine Relief Organisation.

Yes, we've had some disturbing reports

from various governments,

about the effect on agriculture of some kinds of soil dressing.

As United Foods and Dressings is one of the biggest

concerns of its kind, we thought you might be able to help.

Well, given time, our technical bods can come up

with an answer for practically anything, you know.

Crop diseases, animals pests, the lot.

It may not be as simple as that.

Oh, what do you mean?

Well, we've had some unprecedented crop failures this year

and in southern Europe,

there have been some serious instances

of soil erosion appearing on fertile land.

I've seen nothing of this in the papers.

It's not the kind of thing we want to advertise at this stage.

It could cause a panic.

But in Asia, there have been reports of Aujeszky.

- Of what? - Pigs walking backwards,

or sitting with their heads held high.

While I know this can result from acute salt poisoning,

and the consequent derangement of the animal's brain,

but there's been no evidence of salt poisoning so far.

Well, that certainly sounds like something

for our technical department.

If you'd care to pitch your tent here for a day or two,

we'll certainly give you all the help we can.

Right, well, I saw a hotel on the high street.

I might try and get a room there.

The Bell? Oh, yes, an excellent place.

Tell them you're from here, won't you?

I'm sure they'll look after you. - Right.

Then I'll make an appointment for you

to meet our technical director, Mr Appleton, and afterwards,

I'll show you around the factory, eh?

- Thank you. - Not a bit, Mrs Gale.

- BRUNO: New York? - Lucius.

Two legions. Arrives here on the tenth.

Yes, that's, er, 80 cohorts, 8,000 legionaries

under the command of 80 centurions. Good, good.

Paris?

Antonius Verus. Two legions, also gets here on the tenth.

Their conference before the full Senate on the 15th.

Paris. 8,000 legionaries. Thank you, Marcus, no.

You know my feelings on that subject.

Did the Romans defile themselves with tobacco?

I'm sorry, Excellency. The, er, chains of habit.

Now, er, what about...

Is anything wrong?

How long would you give it, Marcus?

To be really successful, to really clinch it, I'd say a year.

Another year? Perhaps longer. Hmm.

A big programme like this, it takes time.

It's a terrific scheme.

It can't fail. - Can't?

You saw that report from Apollodorus.

The situation on the continent is pretty advanced.

Soon the whole process will be repeated here in Britain.

It all takes so long, it may lose its impact.

I'm not a young man, Marcus. I need action quickly.

Ah, Octavia.

My dear. Will you get us some wine? - Of course.

Well, first, I want you to meet Marcus.

My very good friend and First Consul, Marcus. Octavia.

- How do you do, Octavia? - How are you, Marcus?

Bruno has told me so much about you.

Bring three ciboria, my dear, I'd like you to join us.

Octavia has been in Italy.

A good party member. - And charming.

Yes, indeed, Marcus.

The future Lady Bruno Luker. - I see.

And if all goes to plan, empress.

Ah, Octavia, I... I feel depressed. I need company, gaiety.

It's a feast of the Roman Lupercal.

We shall have a party. A little Bacchanalia, hmm?

You must invite some of your young friends here again.

Of course.

Perhaps Marcus would care to come along, too,

and, er, bring some of his friends?

I'd like to, but I'm speaking

at a big open-air meeting this evening.

Drive out here again, afterwards. You can stay the night.

Thanks, I'd be glad to.

In fact, with our plans, as they are, it might be a good idea

if you took up permanent residence at the villa, Marcus.

Yes, I think that might be a very good idea.

Good. Ask Julia to prepare a room, will you, Octavia?

And now, let's drink to our plans and your return.

I'll give you a toast, a Roman toast.

Audacity, danger, devotion.

Where did this cereal grass come from?

A farm in Devon.

This itching and scratching effort's broken out down there.

That's wheat. - Really?

- JOHN: How is it? - CATHERINE: Healthy.

Where do the Sussex people

buy their soil-dressing? - Hemmings & Walsh.

They're the main suppliers of the south and west.

Pass me that book, will you? The fat one on the corner?

"Abnormality..." HE CHUCKLES

"..in Plants and Cereals."

Here we are.

That's it, look under "ergot."

Ergot, ergot, ergot. What are we looking for exactly?

Claviceps purpurea.

- Of course, how nice... ew! - Oh, come on, let me.

It's a fungus.

Ah, here we are.

It infects the ears of grain, and causes ergotism,

a poison which attacks

the autonomic nervous system of the body.

What are the symptoms?

Intense itching all over the body, accompanied by deafness.

It can sometimes be fatal.

Mm-hm. Oh, have a look at those.

Yorkshire, East Anglia, Scotland. - By the way, Steed,

we've had a report from the Ministry of Agriculture

that some regions are running out of earthworms.

Oh, pity! I was planning a fishing holiday this year.

Earthworms are essential to agriculture.

I did know that.

They aerate the soil, help the growth of plant roots,

increase soil fertility, all sorts of things.

Busy little creatures.

So, can we rule out that this abnormality

is not caused by a change in routine?

I mean, the farmers haven't got their milch

mixed up with their tilth, sort of thing?

No, as far as we know,

the soil has been tended and fertilised as usual.

Yet somehow, it's being poisoned.

You know, if this got out, it could cause a panic.

That's probably just what they want.

You don't think it's a coincidence?

It isn't nature behind this. It's man.

But why?

Well, to find out that, you got to find out who.

- Hey, this is it. - This is what?

This is ergotism. This grain's infected.

Let's have a look.

CATHERINE: Dumphrey's. Where do they buy their soil dressing?

United Foods and Dressings.

Our old chums. That reminds me.

I found this mark on a bag at the farm where I got the samples.

Does that mean anything to you? - Yes, it does.

Somehow it's familiar.

Not all the marks were like that.

It could be an ordinary code mark. On the other hand,

it could be tied up with this infected grain.

No, I don't think so.

I've seen this sign somewhere before.

Poultry keeping is a pretty dodgy game

at the best of times, old chap, you know.

Lots of snags and what have you.

Yes, well, our-our technical people

are preparing a special note on the new business.

Yes, we'll rush you a copy, of course.

OK. OK, goodbye.

Hello, Mr Appleton, do sit down. - Morning, Tommy, how's it going?

Oh, the press boys have just been all about

that new outbreak among broiler chicks.

I said we'd wise them up.

Well... HE SIGHS

..we've, er, sorted out the parasites.

The principle means of transmission is by simple worms.

That'll knock the poultry industry for six.

What next, I wonder? - Exactly.

If this gets out, people will be too scared

to eat fresh food altogether.

There'll be the most frantic rush on tinned stuff.

Supplies of that won't last forever, and what then?

I don't know. It's a terrible business, Tommy,

and the public don't know the half of it. If they did, well...

Of course, you know, some people are blaming us, sir.

What do you mean?

Oh, not UFD specifically.

- Who, then? - Modern farming methods generally.

Mainly chemical spraying and soil... - Rubbish.

Well, after all, it is a form of poisoning.

- What are you talking about? - Oh, now, don't get me wrong.

I'm merely putting the layman's point of view.

You know, one chap told me

that whole species of birds have been wiped out

simply because they've absorbed poison

from chemically sprayed fields.

What's bad for birds is bad for humans, I suppose.

That seems to have been the message, so, yes.

They want jam on both sides.

The housewife demands cheap food as a...

..necessity,

and if the farmer is compelled to supply that cheap food,

then he's got to use techniques that are going to keep his crops up.

Well, yes, but when you hear about hormones being used

in the growth of stock and antibiotics...

Now, look here. Whose side are you on?

As PRO I have to see both sides of the picture.

I can assure you that the press are getting justifiably worried.

Well, they needn't lose any sleep over what comes out of UFD.

We know what we're doing. - Yes, of course.

These present upsets are due to some cause,

which at the moment is obscure,

but we shall nail it. - Yes, sir.

By the way, I understand that you want Mrs Gale

shown an overview of the laboratory. - Oh, yes. Now, she's doing

extensive inquiry on behalf...

I don't want her in that laboratory. There's a lot of valuable equipment

and I don't want any woman there. - As you say, sir.

And on all technical questions, you'll refer her to me.

DOOR SLAMS SHUT I will.

CROWD CLAMOURING

Oh, you're a great comfort to me, Octavia.

One day soon, you will be rewarded for your patience and understanding.

Empress of the world.

Oh, excuse me.

Come in, Marcus. You're very clumsy.

Well? How was your meeting?

- Oh, it went very well. - I know.

I've just seen it on the news.

Your organisation is getting lax.

I want these beatings to be forceful and realistic,

but there must be some control.

Soon I shall come to the forefront myself.

- You, sir? - Certainly.

Caesar will not always be a code name.

And I don't wish to be associated with street brawls.

- No, of course not. - Very good.

Now, I've got some good news.

Apollodorus has suggested a way of bringing off our final coup.

- Marvellous. - He's a brilliant man, Apollodorus,

he'd make an excellent Second Consul.

What's his idea?

Marcus... in germ warfare use would be made of bacteria

which excrete poisonous substances.

Now, the most deadly of these poisons known to man

is Type A of the botulinus toxin,

ten ounces of which, and this is a scientific fact,

would be enough to kill everyone on earth.

In Roman times, in the Middle Ages,

Europe was devastated by a terrible scourge.

People collapsed in agony in the street and died.

Lovers were struck down in each other's arms.

- Bubonic plague. - Yes, and there was famine.

People roamed the streets, desperately in search of food.

Hordes of children swarmed the countryside

ready to commit any crime, so long as they could eat.

Night and day,

streets heard the rumble of the death carts.

We could recreate those conditions.

An effective way of administering the toxin

has now been suggested.

At any moment, too, the antidote,

which my scientists have been working at, will be ready.

A vaccine which will immunise only those of us who are inoculated.

And think of it. Think of the power that we would have.

The threat of a new Black Death, to which only we have the answer.

We could hold the entire world at ransom.

Huh?

Are you squeamish, Marcus?

It's a terrific idea. I salute you, Excellency.

The world will be ours. - Not ours, Marcus.

Mine.

MACHINERY WHIRRING

- Is everyone on strike? - What?

Where is everyone?

Ah, this section of the factory is fully automatic, old boy.

Just a handful of maintenance men. - What's going on?

Well, grain and, er, alfalfa grass and whatnot are being blown in

down through these pipes here, you see?

Then round into the mincers, and on through into the mixers,

and all that hoo-ha over there.

HE SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY

Inspection towers, of course, are here and here and here.

Make sure everything is shunting along quite happily.

Everything is scrubbed clean, very hygienic, of course.

Shall I lead the way?

- What part of the factory is this? - Number three process department.

I'll take you to the director, Mr Appleton,

has Mrs Gale most of the detailed gen.

Oh! Hello, Sergeant, aren't you on fire brigade?

- No, sir. - Never mind.

I think I better be getting back to town.

I'll leave Mrs Gale in your capable hands.

Thank you very much for all your help.

Not a bit, Mr Steed. It's always a great pleasure

to help you Ministry of Ag chaps. - Very good of you.

I'll tell you what. Before you go, let's weave along

to the canteen for a quiet java, eh?

HE LAUGHS Good.

- Fine. - Now, Mrs Gale,

would you look after Mr Steed, and take him on out.

I'll catch you up. - Thank you, thank you.

Any sign of the code mark? - No, not so far.

How are you getting on with Eastow?

I think I can stand him a little longer.

Good, cos this place will bear watching.

Things are warming up.

"We'll weave along to the canteen for a quiet java."

Everything go all right last night, Barnes?

- Yes, all as usual, sir. - Ah, good fellow.

Er, excuse me, sir, but, er,

does Mr Appleton know about Mrs Gale?

Of course, everything is rubber-stamped and approved.

Why do you ask?

Well, you know how Mr Appleton is about visitors.

Don't you worry, Sergeant, I'm keeping a close eye on Mrs Gale.

TELEPHONE RINGS

Hello? Oh, yes?

Oh, no. He's in town, I'm afraid. This is Octavia.

Hold on. Right, what is it?

United Nations? Well, is that serious?

Yes. Yes, I see what you mean.

Yes, of course, I'll tell him. Right.

Goodbye.

- Who was that? - Apollodorus.

What do you want, Marcus?

I've drafted the report for the Senate.

This may have to be included.

You shouldn't smoke. - Oh, for heaven's sake!

- You know his view... - I've had just about enough

of this Roman gimmick. - There's such a thing

as party discipline. You, as First Consul...

Be a little human, can't you?

You're as cold as one of those blasted statues.

Did you have a good trip? - I did.

There's been a call from Apollodorus. I made a note.

He can't be here for the pre-senate meeting.

- Is that all? - No.

He says the United Nations

are rushing help to the famine areas.

Thank you, Octavia. As I say, there's no time to lose.

What's that?

This is a replica of the robe worn by the Caesars.

Purple. The imperial purple.

What's it for?

For my coronation, as imperial Caesar.

I want you to take very great care of it.

- I'll have it put in your room. - Thank you.

Now, Marcus. I have some important news.

The vaccine, our antidote, is ready for testing.

We must find a guinea pig, a human guinea pig.

- But who? - Oh, anyone, male or female.

Young or old, it doesn't matter. So long as they're in good health.

Why not ask a party member to volunteer?

Are our party members so devoted?

What would you say, Marcus?

What's there to be afraid of?

Just a little shivering at first,

then a high fever, then the swelling,

the bubosa oedema of the lungs, and then death.

But not, of course, if the antidote works.

Are you a devoted party member, Marcus?

I am, sir.

But I'm not a devoted guinea pig.

Leave it to me, I'll find someone.

When you've successfully tested the antidote,

how do you propose to administer the botulinus toxin, Excellency?

In the most obvious and effective way possible, Marcus.

Through the public water supplies.

# Someday, my prince will come Someday... #

Do your friends at UFD know you've taken these photos?

No.

Have you got into the laboratory yet?

Not yet, but it looks a pretty straightforward setup.

Everything goes through a rigid quality test,

before being processed. Hey, not that one, the bottom one.

And once it's in those pipes, no-one can touch it.

It comes out as cattle cake, or poultry food.

- You certain? - Mm. It's the same

with the soil dressings, and the insecticides.

UFD is an international concern, you know, a huge combine.

- With an invisible chairman. Ah! - Yes, who is he?

Sir Bruno Luker.

He's an eccentric old gent. His name isn't on the notehead,

but he runs the place. He founded UFD.

He started way back on a side street

with a clean apron, and a bottle of weed killer,

and wound up in Millionaire Row.

Scientist, industrialist, ship owner.

CATHERINE: Here it comes...

JOHN: Then he retired from his industrial concerns,

took up politics,

but then he went... - Here, have a look at this.

That's it.

Where did you take that? - Number four loading bay.

Do you know what it is yet? - No, what is it?

It's a monogram.

I can see that, but who?

The Romans.

- Octavia. - Let me go.

- I've got to talk to you. - He'll find us.

Come in here.

- Marcus, I must go... - No, I've got to talk to you.

We never get a minute alone. He's always watching us.

- What do you want? - You.

Oh, Marcus, no.

He'd kill you. - Don't make me laugh.

We don't need him any more. You know that, don't you?

He's becoming a megalomaniac.

The way he's going on, we'll all end up in jail.

He's just caught up in his own dreams.

Don't you see? Now is the time to get rid of him. I must take over,

and plan the new empire, before it's too late.

- And what about me? - Leave Bruno and come with me.

You're a fool.

What makes you think

I'd leave him now, and lose everything?

I made Bruno what he is. He'd never let me go.

He needs me. - But you don't need him.

I wouldn't be here if I thought that.

Maybe I can make you think differently.

Maybe.

Octavia?

Come in, Mr Steed.

This is the atrium, the main living room.

- Charming. Charming place. - Oh, you like it?

Superb.

Oh!

What delightful mosaics.

Pompeiian? - Of course.

Ah-ha! JOHN CHUCKLES

Oh, that splendid mosaic!

My goodness me! You've even got a hypocaust.

The most efficient heating system.

Channels of hot air running beneath the ground floors,

heated from a central furnace. Wonderful engineers, the Romans.

I can almost feel it running up my toga.

Oh, Octavia, will you bring us some wine?

As you see, I have quite a collection of antiquities,

and objets d'art myself,

but I'm always in the market for more.

I hoped you might be.

I brought this treasurely little figurine

from my client's collection.

It's from the Temple of Mars Ultor.

- Mars the Avenger. - Exactly.

You've hit it on the head.

Also, this presumptuous little Proto-Corinthian aryballos.

Oh! - Proto-Corinthian?

But this is Greek, not Roman surely.

The spoils of war from the Battle of Cumae.

Oh, how interesting.

If I may say so... HE CHUCKLES

..there's quite a resemblance.

Tiberius Caesar.

He is rather me, isn't he? - It's remarkable.

What splendid fellows they were.

What power they wielded. - What power.

Supreme power over the whole civilised race.

Well, we shall never see their like again.

Perhaps just as well.

Oh, now, this is rather amusing.

That's very lovely.

Er, didn't you at one time lecture on Roman art?

Didn't you throw your house open to the public?

I did.

I wanted to show people some of the old elegance,

some of the... some of the grandeur that was Rome.

What are they doing?

See?

This is, er, from Pompeii, of course.

It depicts an incident in one of their Bacchanalia.

Oh, those Bacchanalia. Such outrageous orgies.

They certainly knew how to relax. JOHN CHUCKLES

Now, er, about these antiquities.

Oh, yes.

Well, there are the usual vases, early plates,

you know, broaches, fibulae. - Oh, excellent.

Your wine. - Oh, thank you so much.

Audentes fortuna juvat.

I didn't quite hear.

Audentes fortuna juvat.

Oh, cheers.

I... HE EXHALES

..I suppose you're a sort of agent, Mr Steed.

- Sort of. - And you collect your commission

from your client? - Yes.

Perhaps you'd give me his telephone number.

Yes, of course.

Rome, I suppose, is your main interest

now you've given up business and politics.

Business certainly, one doesn't keep a dog,

and bark oneself. JOHN CHUCKLES

And as for politics, well, that was for amusement at best.

JOHN CHUCKLES The telephone number, you were...

you were going to give it to me. - Yes, indeed.

There we are. Thank you very much.

You've been most kind. - Thank you.

I can see myself out. Please, don't bother.

Oh, good morning.

- Who was that? - You fool.

Showing yourself just when I tell him

I have nothing to do with politics.

- Did I know? Who was he? - His name is Steed. He was trying

to sell me Roman antiquities. - Oh, well.

One can't be too careful at this stage.

I'd like to have a chat with his client.

Perhaps you'll get them on the telephone for me.

Yes, sir.

Hello? What? Who's that?

Oh, I see, hold on a minute, will you please?

Your call. - Oh, thank you.

Hello, this is Sir Bruno Luker. Who is that speaking, please?

What?

My apologies. I've been given the wrong number.

So, one can't be too careful.

Mr Steed is an impostor.

His client turns out to be the British Museum.

If he comes here again, Marcus,

we must deal with him.

His name's Gordon Dodds, a fascist-type political thug.

Yes, he runs the World Empire Party,

but it's political chicken feed, isn't it?

Yes, but with Sir Bruno's money behind him,

and all this, things could change. - Meaning?

Sir Bruno has dreams of power. His industrial empire is not enough.

And if he teams up with Marcus, he'll make those dreams come true.

- Who's Marcus? - That's what Dodds calls himself.

They use Roman code names.

Now, Marcus is attending a political meeting tonight.

He's addressing it. I think I'll go along.

I shall be here. I've got the key to the laboratory.

You're a good girl. Now, comb the laboratory,

because something happens to those fertilisers

after they pass the quality test.

- Oh, hello, you two. - Hello.

I do hope we're not in your way.

Not a bit, not a bit. Do press on.

Yes, I quite see your point about the connection,

between science and agriculture, Mrs Gale.

Hello, Mr Appleton. Oh, look, Eastow here.

I'm trying to prepare a hand-out for the press.

I wonder if you could spare a few moments?

Oh, good, I'll whip along to your office straight away.

Right-o, goodbye.

Big shipment, old boy, the famine drive.

High quality, Mr Steed. Stock food, fertilisers, the lot.

Good show, jolly good show. EASTOW CHUCKLES

Jolly good show.

This could be it. Increased food, and fertilisers all over the world.

This could be the opportunity Sir Bruno's waiting for.

If you're right, I think it's time I threw myself to the lions.

As you will see, gentlemen,

we can easily recreate those conditions.

The World Empire Party plans a government

which will bring peace and stability to this tormented world.

One government, one empire and one leader.

As you well know, amongst other things,

my company produces chemicals

for the purification of water supplies

throughout the world.

When we are ready, these chemicals will contain

the deadliest of poison known to man.

Type A of the botulinus toxin.

By using these chemicals, the public health departments

will finish our work for us.

Ten ounces is sufficient to cause a universal plague.

- Plague, Caesar? - Oh, don't worry, Lucius.

My laboratories have been working day and night

to perfect an antidote to this infection.

Within the next 48 hours,

this will be tested on a human being.

The success of this test will be the signal

for my master plan to come into action.

- Hail, Caesar. - Thank you, Marcus.

But we can leave all salutations until after my coronation.

Now, I give you a toast.

One government, one empire...

..and one Caesar.

TRAY CLATTERS

Ah, Mrs Gale.

We thought it wouldn't be very long.

Hello?

Cassio, tell Caesar we've got his guinea pig.

PHONE RINGS

Hello, security?

Look, Eastow here, did you give Sergeant Barnes my message?

Oh, good, good. OK, thank you.

He's on his way over, Steed. - Thanks.

I hope for her sake that Mrs Gale had nothing to do

with the damage that I found in the laboratory this morning.

Did she say anything to you about not coming in?

EASTOW: On the contrary, said she'd be here the usual time.

I do hope she's OK.

I hope you can come up with some satisfactory explanation.

Now, I want you to handle this for me.

I shall be away for a couple of days...

KNOCK AT DOOR ..at the conference.

EASTOW: Come in.

- Good afternoon. - Hello, Sergeant.

Mr Steed. You, er, wanted to see me, sir?

Yes, Barnes, old chap, Mrs Gale was working late last night.

What time did she leave?

Mrs Gale, er, let me see, er,

yes, she, er, gave the key to this office to the police box

about, oh, nine thirty, just before the late shift came on, sir.

The exact time is in the book. - EASTOW: She left no message?

No, no, just asked me to call a taxi to take her to her hotel.

Is there something wrong, sir?

Oh, no, no. Let me know if you hear anything.

There's a good chap. - Yes, sir.

- Just hang on a moment, Sergeant. - Sir?

Everything is in the folder, and I shall be back by the weekend.

- Can I contact you, sir? - I don't know

the telephone number offhand, but I'll ring in and I hope by then

that you'll have something to report.

Ah. - Sir.

Yes, sir.

- That's odd. - What?

I was supposed to be dining with Mrs Gale last night,

and I waited at her hotel.

If she did catch that taxi,

it must have taken her somewhere else.

MAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY

- There she is, Excellency. - Oh, an admirable specimen.

A typical example of healthy, English womanhood.

HE GRUNTS

The serum's all prepared, sir?

- Yes. - Just what do you propose to do?

We want you to help us in a small experiment.

To further the cause of humanity, I suppose.

How did you guess?

- And if I refuse? - I don't think you will.

An amusing thought, Marcus. An offering for the Gods.

Yes, of course, during the festival.

I apologise for the bareness of the room,

but you won't be here very much longer anyway.

Come, Marcus.

MACHINERY WHIRRING

Hello, Sergeant. Keeping up the good work?

- Hello, Mr Steed. - What're you doing?

Poisoning the pig food, infecting the insecticide?

What do you mean, sir?

The nasty stuff is all in the sack, isn't it?

The one with the Roman monogram. - Look, sir...

And what's cooking with Mrs Gale, eh?

You told us a couple of fibs, didn't you? That's naughty.

- All right, Mr Steed. - Oh!

All right then.

Talk. The complete alfalfa,

or I'll drop you in the clockwork.

PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY

Hello there. This is really some festival.

Where are the women?

They'll be here. Octavia's got it all organised.

Did she happen to organise these crazy ball gowns, too?

No, that's Bruno's idea.

When he's got rid of,

we'll toss this sort of nonsense into the ashcan.

- You, erm, you sure we can fix it? - Exactly as planned.

We'll keep the broad scheme, we'll use all his ideas,

but we don't need Bruno, or his eccentricities.

Uh-huh. And what about Bruno's plague serum?

We need that, though. That's our kingpin.

Apollodorus has got the know-how.

We'll test on that girl when he gets here.

We'll humour Bruno a little longer.

Then tonight, he goes. - Uh-huh.

Are you sure we can rely on Octavia?

- 100%. - OK, OK.

- Is everything ready? - Yes, of course.

At his coronation then,

as a libation to the Gods.

STICK CLANGS

WOMEN LAUGHING

Where else do you find all the men of the palace?

PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY

My friends, you've come here from the furthest corners

of the globe.

The serious business of the Senate is over,

with one small exception.

So, let us relax. Enjoy yourselves. Let the Bacchanalia begin.

You look very beautiful, my dear. Enjoy yourself.

Of course.

Enjoying our festival?

It is swell, er, Caesar, it's... it's quite a ball.

Well, wait until later, after my coronation.

That's just as long as we will wait.

Yeah, well, I got work to do.

- Is the girl ready? - I'll go down and see.

The imperial seat.

Ah, senators.

Apollodorus has arrived, Excellency.

Splendid.

What have you there, Marcus?

A humble gift, Caesar, with our undying loyalty.

The imperial circlet. Mine.

- Yes. - Thank you, Marcus.

Don't move there. Halt. Just lift the old maulers there.

My old Etonian friend, Apollodorus.

If you care to lead the way, old boy,

we've got somebody I think you might like to meet.

STICK POUNDING

DOOR OPENS Steed!

Yeah, with old Apollodorus, Eastow, our matey PRO.

SHE LAUGHS

Well, this is the noblest Roman of them all.

Is that the best weapon you could find?

- Yes. - What are you trying to do with it?

Loosen the cement under the bars. You have a go, it's not so easy.

Whoops! Get a hold of your dress.

HE GRUNTS

Oh, no!

Apollodorus. - Hail, Caesar.

Greetings, Consul.

Fetch my... my robe, my purple robe, please,

for the coronation.

Everything's ready. We must test the toxin right now.

An injection, intravenously.

No, no, she must drink it. That's the whole point.

Send Lucius for the girl, Marcus. Octavia, fetch me my robe.

Ooh. HE CHUCKLES

Wine!

Oh, silly me. HE SNIFFS

All right, take the girl. I'll deal with Steed.

Where is he?

- He's gone. - What?

Hey, give me that.

Take her upstairs.

I'll deal with Steed.

LID CLATTERS

HE GRUNTS

JOHN GRUNTS

And in a few short months, those of you gathered here tonight

will be consuls, tribunes, and senators

in a great new Roman empire.

ALL: Hooray!

And how has this been possible? By audacity, by danger, by devotion.

And the genius of one man, Sir Bruno Luker...

ALL APPLAUDING

..whom tonight... whom tonight we elect supreme party chairman,

and crown imperial Caesar.

GUESTS CHEERING, APPLAUDING

MARCUS: Bruno Caesar,

the noblest Roman of them all. Hail Caesar!

ALL: Hail Caesar! Hail Caesar! Hail Caesar!

HE CHUCKLES

My friends, you are participants in the birth of a new age.

An age modelled on the greatest era in the history of man.

An era which saw new civilisations

spreading through the barbaric countries of Europe.

Great armies, not of marauding soldiers,

but civilised men, who brought law and order,

justice, heart, and a new standard of life

to the backward nations.

They even came to this fair island,

and infused a new spirit of grandeur into the hearts

of thousands of men and women.

We will create that grandeur, the grandeur that was Rome!

GUESTS CHEERING

BRUNO: I have promised you...

- Serum ready? - Yes.

- Which one has the poison? - That one.

BRUNO: I will tell you the secret of our success.

My Second Consul, Apollodorus,

has been working with a leading team of scientists.

And we believe that we have found a serum.

A serum which will be used as an inoculation

against the plague

that will soon spread throughout the world.

Bring the woman forward.

Now we'll all drink a toast, a libation to the Gods.

Which is mine?

A toast.

Pax, imperium et Res Secundae.

HE GRUNTS Grab her!

BRUNO YELLS

Hello, Bruno, is this what you call a Bacchanalia?

Get that man!

WOMEN SCREAMING

Bruno.

What now, Brutus?

The Ides of March are come.

Then fall, Caesar. BRUNO GRUNTS IN PAIN

Come on, Bruno! Quick.

Anyone for tennis? Come on.

Ambition's debt is paid.

Alias remedia graviora sunt aliis.

Faber est quisque fortunne sune.

HE LAUGHS GLEEFULLY

You must be mad!

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