Original subtitles

FAINT GUNSHOT

- Good afternoon, sir. - You're late, Steed.

Yes, I know, but...

You worked with Peter Borowski in 1947?

Yes. We got to know each other quite well.

We lost him 16 months ago. We heard nothing till

3.20 this morning when he was picked up

by one of the American patrols.

He's in need of medical attention, and in view of the circumstances,

he was flown straight here. - How is he?

He's insane.

- Has he been brainwashed? - Yes.

BELL RINGS This time, they've done

something quite different. Normally when a man's brainwashed,

they destroy the personality that already existed,

replace it with the one they want it to have.

- Uh-huh. - This time,

they've given the subject

little pieces of different personalities.

Gestapo commandant,

Russian nobleman who died in 1860, New York thriller writer,

heaven knows what else besides. - Why?

Perhaps it was an experiment, perhaps it was a game.

Perhaps they wanted to see if they could create a madman.

If so, they succeeded. Borowski really believes

he's all these different personalities.

- Can I talk to him? - That is why you are here.

Borowski was a double agent. He was on to something

when they got him. KEYS CLATTERING

HE SPEAKS IN GERMAN

Heil Hitler.

He's an officer in the Gestapo. I'm a general in the SS.

We have a mission. - But surely he is a...

Precisely.

HE SPEAKS GERMAN

DOOR THUDS

AMERICAN ACCENT: Look, what are you trying to pull on me?

I guess an American still has some rights

in this lousy country, huh? You can't hogtie me.

I'm gonna talk to my consulate. - Peter.

Now, look, these guys are trying to pull a bum deal on me.

My name's Kaplan, New York City. I was here writing a new book.

It's a thriller, maybe you read it.

You name's Borowski, Peter Borowski.

That's a Jewish name. - That's your name.

You're Peter Borowski. I'm John Steed.

We used to know each other.

OK. OK. So have it your way. HE CHUCKLES

Hey, was I ever a piano player, a good one?

HE CHUCKLES

You used to play Brahms very well, and Mendelssohn.

Brahms and Mendelssohn?

Brahms and Men... Mendelssohn!

PETER SPEAKING GERMAN

AMERICAN ACCENT: No, no! Don't tell him! Don't tell him.

HE SOBS

Don't tell the General I play Mendelssohn.

JOHN: Get up.

LOUDLY: Get up!

Sit down.

Name.

Name?

- Theodore Kaplan. - LOUDLY: Name?

SHOUTS: Peiter Borowski.

- Where were you born? - Hanover.

Nope.

PETER SOBBING New York.

You're still lying.

I can't... I can't... HE YELLS

HE SCREAMS

PETER SOBBING I'll tell you.

I'll tell you. I'll tell you.

Stepney, London.

That's better.

They caught you, didn't they?

They brought you to a room like this.

They asked you a lot of questions, and you gave them all the answers.

No, not at first. I tried... I tried.

But you did, didn't you?

Tell me.

I found out.

Then they caught me.

And they did this to me.

- Borowski, what did you find... - Shut up.

What did they do to you?

HE BREATHES SHAKILY

It's a joke.

It's their joke, you s-see. HE LAUGHS

Well, I got away from them. JOHN CHUCKLES

And... And I found out what they're gonna do.

And that's my joke.

- Our joke. - Oh, no.

JOHN CHUCKLING Oh, tell us your joke.

I found out about the doppelganger.

The doubles.

- Doubles of people? - Yeah, yeah.

- What people? - People.

Oh, I'm sick of all this.

Who the hell wants to go to a lousy holiday camp anyway?

- Kaplan! - Eh?

Who are the people who have doubles?

- People with secrets. - Who?

RUSSIAN ACCENT: Kindly remember to whom you are talking.

HEELS CLICK Of course, Your Excellency.

It's just that it may be important. - Important? To whom?

- The State, Your Excellency. - The State?

Any information I have will be given directly to the czar.

He must take what action he pleases.

Of course, your Excellency.

JOHN: Just one more question, Your Excellency.

What happens to the man? The man the double replaces?

The Englishman?

He will be destroyed, of course.

Destroyed.

I... we will all be destroyed!

PETER RAVING IN GERMAN

PETER CRYING

PETER HUMMING BRAHMS LULLABY

DOOR OPENS

DOOR SLAMS SHUT LOCK CLICKS

PETER HUMMING BRAHMS LULLABY

After that one bit of consciousness,

he didn't return to his real identity at all.

HE EXHALES SHARPLY I think he's as mad as a hatter.

He may be now, but that doesn't mean

that everything that comes out of his mouth, they put there.

You didn't see him. I think they're developing

a completely new technique in making new personalities.

And they're using Borowski as a guinea pig.

- No, thank you. - That's why they've given him

half a dozen personalities. Things they hate,

a Nazi, an aristocrat, things they laugh at and despise.

A thriller writer, a New York businessman.

They'd use me, too,

if they could catch me again. - Again?

That's a long story.

I think it's possible. It's perfectly feasible

that everybody has a double somewhere.

It's not a new idea. Doubles feature in most folklore.

You must have heard of doppelganger, the German word.

- It's a pretty rare coincidence. - Mm.

the law of averages makes it inevitable.

No two people are absolutely identical.

The bits of the double that don't look right,

can be made to look right.

Plastic surgery can take over where nature left off.

With doctors, dentists, surgeons, and psychologists,

it might take years, but it would be fascinating.

All this for one man.

Would depend on the value of the man.

RADIO PLAYS BRAHMS LULLABY

Would you mind turning that thing off?

Yes, of course.

All right. You can build a replica, physically and psychologically,

but, well, how could you fool your nearest and dearest, eh?

You couldn't, if they were expecting it.

But why should they be?

But for Borowski planting the seed,

your double could have walked in here this evening,

and I'd never have known. How could I?

- Well... - Oh!

HE CHUCKLES

Borowski's effects.

Kaplan's thriller writer, Russian Prince,

Gestapo commandant.

Why did they do it? Is it some sort of punishment?

They wouldn't bother. They'd just have shot him.

- What's that? - A brochure for a holiday camp.

Now, Borowski mentioned a holiday camp. Baxter's.

1963. He's up to date.

Borowski hasn't been in the West, since 1959.

Excuse me.

Can you... Can you... - Yes, madam, can I help you?

Oh, yes. Yes. You know Mr Gordon?

We ate here together last night. - Oh, yes, madam, I remember.

Well, we were supposed to meet at four o'clock.

Have you seen him at all? - Oh, yes, madam.

I think Mr Gordon is in the Vienna Hall.

Thank you.

HE CHUCKLES

- What're you doing here? - I beg your pardon?

We were supposed to meet at four o'clock.

It's half past now.

Is it? I'm sorry. I was working. I forgot the time.

Oh!

You're sure you forgot? You haven't changed.

I mean, you're not sorry about last night?

Sorry about last night? Don't be silly.

- You're sure? - Certain.

Well, that's all right then. You're forgiven.

- Thank you. - Well, come on then.

Oh!

Look at me. Look into my eyes.

What's the matter? Am I so different from last night?

No. Oh, no!

I'm sorry, Bill.

It's me who should be sorry. It's just all this work.

I know. Come on. Let's go and have that swim.

I don't swim, I'm afraid.

I know you don't, silly.

You told me that last night, remember?

You said you'd let me teach you. Don't say

you're going back on your word. - No, of course not, darling.

What's the matter?

SHE EXHALES SHARPLY You've never called me that before.

- Well, it's time I did, isn't it? - Yes.

Oh, I've only been here two days,

but I know already how happy I'm going to be.

You like it here, too, don't you? - Oh, yes, very much.

Well, it's just that it's so different

from what I've been used to.

TELEPHONE RINGING

Hello? No, he isn't. This is Mrs Gale.

Yes, I'll hold on.

DOORBELL BUZZES

Who is it?

'A very warm and very weary Steed.'

Oh, come in.

Ooh, dearie me. Well, that's it.

There are four suspects at Baxter's...

Shh.

Yes? - SOFTLY: Just have to wait and see.

Yes.

HE SIGHS

I've got that.

Mm. WATER FLOWING

Mm.

HE EXHALES LOUDLY Really?

Yes, well, he's just come in. I'll tell him. Yes, right away.

All right. Goodbye.

What does he do? - Hold on a minute.

"William Gordon, Atomic Energy Commission."

He's on the research team at Deepdale, aged 28.

He's only a junior boy, but bright. - This might be it.

They found a body up near Newcastle. Looks like a hit-and-run accident.

Gordon's doctor and dentist are on their way up there now,

to see if they... they can identify him.

- Better go and join them, eh? - Yes, by plane.

HE EXHALES LOUDLY Immediately.

Thank you. I think I'll carry it.

Not only extremely unpleasant for you,

but a complete waste of time.

Well, thank you. But I really think I must.

Go ahead, but his own mother couldn't identify that.

She wouldn't want to try.

MACHINE BUZZES

WATER TRICKLING

- Dr Terence? - Yeah.

My name's John Steed.

- Oh, how do you do? - How do you do.

Is Mr Quist around yet? - Miss Quist.

I tried to dissuade her. That's a bit much,

even for someone who's used to it. - Was it an accident?

No. Car hit him all right,

but it wasn't hit-and-run. - Why not?

It hit him about 12 times.

This may sound as a foolish question,

was that what killed him? - I don't think so.

I think the car hit him after he was dead.

Why?

Because whoever did that wanted the body

to be unrecognisable, unidentifiable. I think you'd better

take a look for yourself. - Thank you.

You're welcome.

Miss Quist, my name is John Steed. I'm very sorry

I had to ask you to do this. - That's all right.

But I can't help you, I'm afraid. Normally, to a dentist,

a man's teeth are as good as fingerprints.

But in this case... - Thank you very much anyway.

There you are. You couldn't do that by chance.

But it still could be your patient, couldn't it? The right age, size?

Oh, yeah, along with about a thousand others.

Thank you.

Mr Steed, what's supposed to have happened to Gordon?

- Yeah, I thought he was on holiday. - Have you seen him recently?

He came in for a checkup about a month ago.

We have to watch them, or they start lighting up in the dark.

What about you, Miss?

He made an appointment for last Tuesday.

A bicuspid had lost its filling, and I had to do an extraction.

I'm very grateful to you. I may have to call

and see you both again. - Yes, of course.

- Thank you. - Any time. You couldn't tell us

what it's all about? - I'm afraid not.

And I must ask you not to talk about it.

HE SCOFFS Well, how can we?

We don't know anything. - Hmm.

Doesn't make much sense, does it?

They must know if Gordon's disappeared, or not.

That isn't what bothers me.

- No? - No.

I'm just wondering,

what kind of man could possibly do that?

Where did you leave it?

Up near Newcastle, little place called Dorton.

- How far away's that? - Three hundred miles.

Nobody saw you? It won't be identified?

It can't be identified. Rudi made sure of that.

Now, this girl you were with. - Oh, she's quite harmless.

She's in love with me, a bonus I didn't expect.

Now, what about Steed? - What about him?

How can we be sure he'll come here?

We can't. It depends what Borowski was able to tell him.

Borowski can't have said much.

No. Otherwise, they'd be after you.

It's dangerous to underestimate them.

They may know more than we think. - And be waiting

for number three, you mean? - Look...

Uh, certainly, sir, two filet, medium rare,

table number two, eight o'clock.

Thank you, sir. - Thank you very much.

Sir, madam.

This Julie, she's sure it's Gordon?

She's certain of it, and she's in love with him.

That'd make her less observant rather than more.

How does Gordon strike you? - With a dull thud.

Well, short of giving him an exam on atomic physics,

how can I possibly tell? - He'd pass that, too.

He may be young, but he's important. What's more,

he's got access to secret material.

He's off to Canaveral next year. So we'd better be sure.

I sent for his doctor and dentist.

They're going to examine the live Gordon this time.

If his little toe's a tenth of an inch too long,

pfft, into the cooler. - Why take Gordon's body,

if it was Gordon's, all the way up to...

Because it's a long way from here. HE SCOFFS

If they'd had time, they'd have taken it

to the Isle of Arran. - Suppose there's no connection?

Well, then we're wrong.

Now, look here, we expected a corpse to turn up.

It did turn up. It turned up in the right place and time.

HE CHUCKLES It's a very strange coincidence.

- Why are you supposed to be here? - I told you.

If that is the real Gordon... SHE SIGHS

- Oh, holiday. - You gonna tell Gordon that?

Why not?

Gordon, at least the real Gordon, doesn't know me from Adam.

Steed is here. He arrived about half an hour ago.

That means Borowski must have been able to talk.

No, it doesn't alter the plan.

You'll be informed when it's happened. Bye.

Steed's gone down to Baxter's Holiday Camp.

It's time for you to join us. - Good.

KNOCKING AT DOOR

Mr Gordon?

- Yes, that's right. - Come on in.

- I got your message. - Oh, fine.

I've been seconded to the security staff at Deepdale.

Have a look at that. It's from your director.

You know what it's about?

I'm afraid you have to have a medical checkup.

"Owing to the increased risk of radiation sickness,

"all persons engaged in Project S7

"should have a complete medical and dental check

"at least once in two weeks."

Does he expect me to go back to Deepdale?

No, he's sending a doctor and dentist down here.

And you, too, presumably.

I'm afraid I'm in the same boat. I was here for a rest.

They asked me to tell you because, erm...

Well?

Well, this is pretty important, this checkup.

There's some risk, though.

Have all the others had one?

- If they haven't, they will soon. - In the middle of a holiday.

Oh, I quite agree.

- All right. When do you want it? - Now, I'm afraid.

- I did have a date. - Oh, dear.

Well, they'll be here any moment now,

and they won't take long. Sit down. - Huh, thank you.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

SPEAKER CHIMES Very bright little fella.

SPEAKER: 'Good afternoon, campers.'

Cigarette? - 'Just to remind you...'

- No, thank you. I don't smoke. - '..all you youngsters,

'fathers and grandfathers

'at the swimming pool in half an hour...'

Why the devil do they come here?

Well, I had a friend who came here last year.

I think this is the off-season. KNOCK AT DOOR

MAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY ON SPEAKER

SPEAKER CHIMES Come in.

Oh, hello, Gordon. Sorry to barge in on you like this.

Miss Quist, this is a surprise. They drag you down from town?

Oh, that's all right, Mr Gordon. Makes a change from parking meters.

JOHN CHUCKLES Well, who's first?

WATER TRICKLING

- Hello, Julie. - Oh, hello.

- You waiting for Mr Gordon? - Yes. We were going swimming,

but something cropped up about his work. On his holiday, too.

How did yesterday's swimming lesson go?

Oh, he's very good. He's not at all afraid of the water.

That's half the battle, I think. - Mm.

I could hardly believe he'd never swum before.

Well, some people take to it more easily than others.

Oh, that's what I think, too.

Oh, you should've seen his bathing costume, though.

- Should I? - Mm, it was so old-fashioned.

I made him buy a new one. Tartan it is.

He looks rather good in it,

and he must have brains, too. SHE CHUCKLES

The job he's got. I don't know what he sees in me.

Oh, nonsense, Julie. You're very attractive.

Oh, yes, I know he sees that in me.

But it's different this time.

Why, I've been around a lot.

It's never been like this before.

Let's hope it works out for you.

Yes, I see, Mr Gordon. Thank you.

Oh, thank you. Well, if that's all, can I go now?

I've no more to do. If it's of any consolation,

there isn't a thing wrong with you. - Good.

Thanks for your patience, Mr Gordon.

Very sorry about your date. - Oh, that's all right.

Goodbye, Doctor. - Bye, Gordon.

Goodbye, Miss Quist.

- JOHN: Goodbye. - Bye-bye.

- Well? - It's Gordon.

You sure? - Look,

I've examined the man hundreds of times.

I know what he looks like. It's him.

Even plastic surgery?

I'm not saying it's impossible,

but this man also has Gordon's appendix scar,

and the fractured clavicle that didn't set properly.

Besides, he sounds like Gordon. It's him.

That man isn't Gordon. He can't be.

- That's ridiculous. - Is it?

SHE SCOFFS I agree with you.

He looks like Gordon. He sounds like Gordon.

For all intents and purposes, he is Gordon.

Look, I did a lot of work on Gordon's teeth,

and I would have sworn that every crown and filling

in this man's mouth is my own work. - So?

But do you remember I told you at the mortuary

that I extracted a bicuspid of Gordon's

that had lost its filling? - Yeah.

Well, this young man still has that filling,

and the tooth, everything.

He can't possibly be Gordon.

Oh, but how do you copy another human being?

That detail. They must have

a medical file on Gordon a foot thick.

Copy that and you have a perfect replica.

They might have picked on me.

They might have picked on anybody. - Precisely.

- What're you going to do? - You two go home.

Should anyone enquire about Gordon, say you examined him.

He's fit and well. Is that all right?

- Yes, of course, sir. - Of course, I shall do

whatever you say. - Good. Thank you.

That poor young man.

I suppose there's no doubt he's the one we saw in the mortuary.

No doubt at all.

PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY

- Sorry I've been so long, darling. - Oh!

- Hello, Mrs Gale. - Hello.

That's all right. I know how important your work is.

I mustn't be selfish. - Well, it wasn't work, really,

just a medical checkup. - What's wrong?

Nothing. I'm perfectly healthy. HE CHUCKLES

These checks are just routine for us.

Oh, I see. You're quite sure you're all right?

GORDON CHUCKLING Yes, I'm quite sure.

Ready for my swimming lesson? - Yes.

SHE CHUCKLES See you later, Mrs Gale.

Yes, fine.

- Bye-bye. - Bye.

- Goodbye. - Bye.

That man isn't Gordon.

- Does he suspect anything? - He's bound to.

We're gonna examine the rest of his team, too.

After a couple of calls to Deepdale, he won't be so suspicious.

- What do you do? Arrest him? - I don't know.

Now, you go back to London. Borowski started chattering again.

- Who do I go and see? - Just go home

to your buttons and puzzles, and they'll call you.

MAN OVER SPEAKER: 'Will Mrs Gregson go to her chalet now, please?

'Her baby is crying.

'Will Mrs Gregson go to her chalet now, please?

- 'Her baby...' - In six minutes' time,

I'll have the announcement made.

SPEAKER CHIMES The rest is up to you.

Good. Can hardly believe it's gonna happen.

Five years learning to be somebody else.

I quite understand.

Mr Gordon felt the same way. - Gordon?

HE SCOFFS Two and half years, that's all.

Mug up a little scientific jargon, have a couple of operations.

Steed! He's a man of many talents, many faces.

- I must get back. - Of course, yes, I'm sorry.

Not forgetting, Steed's also a little vain.

Good luck.

You will stay away, Gordon.

Our Steed can manage very well on his own,

and I don't want you involved.

Right. Look, there's one other thing.

Steed had me examined by my doctor and dentist.

All my team at Deepdale have been examined.

I checked. Something to do with radiation sickness.

Do you think they suspect us?

If Borowski's told them, they might. For the moment,

we'll carry on with our instructions.

There's too much at stake to run away from rumours.

I'll be down there tomorrow.

I'll give you more instructions then.

All right? Bye.

Miss Wrigsley, could you find out what time the cabinet are meeting?

I want to catch our minister, before he goes in.

- Hello, Steed. - Hello, Gordon.

- Can I get you one of these? - I don't think so.

Don't think me rude, but I think

something a little stronger a little later, you know.

I felt I was rather rude earlier on,

when you produced my doctor and dentist. Sorry.

Oh, it's quite understandable. You're on holiday.

I just wanted you to know that I understood your position.

That's a very tolerant attitude.

People are so changeable. Well, where's...

- Julie? - Yes.

Oh, she's drying her hair, I think. Takes her hours.

HE CHUCKLES I got called away to the phone.

She's a sweet girl, isn't she? - Yes. Yes.

- I'm, uh, thinking of marrying her. - Good for you.

Have you asked her yet? - No.

But when I do, she'll accept.

Oh, I know we haven't known each other very long.

But, it's time I settled down.

What I'm looking for, Steed, is security.

SPEAKER CHIMES Aren't we all?

MAN ON SPEAKER: 'Will Mr John Steed

'go to his chalet...' - John Steed.

- '..immediately, please?' - That's me.

- Yes. - Well, excuse me, see you later.

Goodbye.

'..go to his chalet immediately, please?'

INTERCOM BUZZES

Who is it?

MAN: 'Oh, er, Charles Spencer, Mrs Gale.

Oh, yes, come in.

Good evening, Mrs Gale. This weather brings out

the tutti-frutti in me. I brought some ice cream for us.

Would you mind? - Not at all. Do sit down.

Thank you.

HE CLEARS THROAT

- Here we are. - Oh, thank you.

This is an edited tape, of course. But shall we say, basic Borowski?

There's 14 hours in all, of his other personalities.

There. - BOROWSKI: 'Scientist?'

'Of course. A young man with a good record.'

CHARLES: 'And what would you call him?'

- BOROWSKI: 'Does it matter?' - 'Well, he must have a name.'

'Bill Gordon. Nice honest British man.'

A doppelganger is hard to make.'

'Three!'

CHARLES: 'And the other two, what will they be?'

BOROWSKI: 'The kind of person who can go anywhere

'do anything, er,

'well, why don't we make him a public man?'

CHARLES: 'Ah, very good, good. Uh, what sort of public man?'

'Clergyman, politician. A trades unionist?

- BOROWSKI: 'How should I know?' - 'Have you got a name for him?'

- BOROWSKI: 'What?' - 'Have you got a name for him yet?'

'Why? Oh, I haven't had time.'

'You really can't think of a name for him?'

'I told you. I can't tell you his name.

'There wasn't time.' OBJECT CLANGING

CHARLES: 'Now, what about the third one?'

BOROWSKI: 'The British intelligence.'

'A British agent, I see. And what will you call him?'

BOROWSKI SPEAKING GERMAN

Well, then.

There he went back to being a German officer.

Fourteen hours of tape,

and that's the only bit we got that makes any sense.

Even then he thought he was a thriller writer

putting a plot together. - So we have to find another two.

If they exist. It might be the poor man

is just embroidering the one fact he knew.

But we've got to assume there are three?

Mm, we have to. We don't know if the other two switches

have been made or not. How's Steed?

Steed?

He was very anxious to go to the holiday camp to meet Gordon.

You mean Steed might have been switched already?

It may never have happened. It may never happen.

Borowski's raving, we know. But Steed is the only man we've got,

the only one they've ever captured who managed to get away.

They held him for four days.

Now, with all their resources, they could have made

a perfect blueprint for Steed in four days.

He mentioned he'd been caught.

- Really? When? - Yesterday.

Proves nothing. If all this is true, then Steed's double

must be as much Steed as the original.

It's an uncharacteristic admission.

Either way.

Mrs Gale, what did you have for dinner,

last Tuesday at the Lombardy? - What?

Oh, erm, avocado, rump steak, and green salad.

- And to drink? - Chateau Margaux '53.

- Le premier Grand Cru? - D'accord.

HE CHUCKLES AND INHALES DEEPLY Your uncle in Rye?

Uncle Joseph.

What was the name of his bull terrier,

er, the one that died? - Sam.

He was alive three days ago, to my certain knowledge.

Quite right, and I'm sorry.

- I suppose it could be a woman. - Mm, quite easily.

- Oh. - Thank you.

I feel for you, Mrs Gale. It must be very frustrating

for you not to be able to return the compliment.

I'm in a privileged position.

You know nothing about me, except what I have told you.

But there must come a point of acceptance.

And I think this is it. Don't you agree?

SHE SPEAKS LATIN

HE CHUCKLES

HE INHALES DEEPLY HE REPLIES IN LATIN

But you will keep a good eye on Steed for me,

won't you, Mrs Gale? They didn't hold me for four days.

- Well, do I pass? - The tie is different.

I had to use the tie he was wearing.

- He was difficult? - Very.

- I was ordered not to contact you. - Then why did you?

Because they nearly ruined my switchover.

They'd overlooked the birds and the bees. They didn't tell me

Gordon got himself tied up with a girl.

- What happened? - It's difficult,

but I managed to bluff my way through.

I just wanted to make sure it didn't happen to you.

- Has Steed got a girl? - Yeah, a Mrs Catherine Gale.

- Oh, I don't go for widows. - She's a very attractive widow.

I'll point her out to you.

No need to tell me. They've told me.

She's one of Steed's stable-mates. What about yours?

Oh, her name's Julie. You'll see us around together.

She loves me dearly, and I'm gonna marry her.

- Why? - Cos it's a wise move.

You know, a plump little wife, and a semi-detached in Deepdale.

What could be more normal?

- Did Steed meet her? - Yeah, a couple of times.

- What else has he been up to? - Oh, very little.

Oh, he brought my doctor and dentist down

to give me a checkup. Incidentally, that's where you and I met.

- How'd it go? - They're perfectly satisfied

that I'm Gordon.

SPEAKER CHIMES

SPEAKER: 'Good evening, campers. It is five minutes to ten.

'And in the Siegfried Ballroom, 15 lovely ladies are lining up

'for the final judging

'of our Miss Beautiful Legs competition.'

- Yoo-hoo, Mrs Gale. - Oh, hello, Julie.

- Hello. - Have you seen Mr Steed?

Oh, yes. I had a drink with him at about, oh, nine o'clock.

And then Bill said he had something important to discuss with Mr Steed.

- I see. - He'll be back soon.

Don't look so worried.

- I'm not really worried. - I know how it is.

I think Bill's going to propose. SHE GIGGLES COYLY

- Oh, really? - I do.

We were down by the swimming pool, and he was talking all around it.

Did I like the countryside?

And... and Deepdale wasn't far from London

for a visit to town, that sort of thing.

What did you say? JULIE GIGGLING

Well, I couldn't really tell him to get on with it, could I?

Anyway, he wasn't shy, or anything.

It... it was just as if he was calculating it.

JULIE CHUCKLES Well, I suppose

it's just the way his mind works.

Yes.

Anyway, I think I managed to let him know that I knew.

And this is the Old Vienna Room, sir.

As you can see, we've tried to capture the atmosphere

of that capital in its heyday. - Oh, and succeeded very well.

Thank you, sir. BOTH CHATTER INDISTINCTLY

- That's Frank Cummings. - Frank Cummings, the MP?

Mm-hm. He's going to judge Miss Beautiful Legs in the ballroom.

- Oh, really? - Oh, it's nearly time.

- Are you coming? - No, I think I'll stay here.

All right. If I see him, I'll send him out.

All right. Thanks.

- Hello, Mrs Gale. - Hello, Steed.

How'd your visit to London go?

- Where'd you get that? - Eh?

Where'd you get that?

Oh, those chalet doors don't quite allow for my height.

How'd everything go?

See anyone? - No.

About what, do you wish to know? - Oh, Borowski.

Are you sure there's nothing wrong?

Borowski said there are two other doubles.

Two?

Steed, remember the dinner we had at the Lombardy last week?

What did I eat? - I don't remember.

Look, do we really have to play this game? I invented it, you know.

- Yes, we do. My uncle in Rye. - Joseph Pierce.

What was the name of his dog that died?

Ah, I used to take it for walks.

It was one of those little pig-dogs, bull terrier.

Borowski told you one of the doubles is me, didn't he?

- No, he didn't. - Then why do you think I am?

- I don't, necessarily. - You have every reason to.

There was a double of me, and he was here.

He tried to kill me a few hours ago.

Have you ever looked at yourself objectively?

- Where was he? - In the shower.

The curtain moved, and I shot him. Found that I had shot myself.

Now I know what I look like dead.

Well, that disposes two of them. What about the third?

Can Borowski help us there? - No.

You do believe me, don't you?

Thank you so much, sir. Makes such a big difference

if somebody like yourself does the judging.

Gives the whole proceedings a feeling of, er, class,

I think one might say. So good of you

to spare the time, sir.

- Oh, it's a pleasure. - I thought it would be.

There's some drinks

and something for you to eat in my office.

Oh, thank you. I don't think I'll bother.

I had some dinner before I left London.

There's some people I want to talk to. Excuse me.

Hello, Gordon. Nice to see you again.

Steed, looking well. - Thank you, sir.

You ought to go back to Deepdale at once.

Something's happening there. We don't know what it is,

and it's vital that we should. - Right.

I'll go first thing tomorrow. - Go immediately.

- Yes, of course. - You may say goodbye

to Miss Clitheroe, however.

Thank you. That won't need much time.

When you get to Deepdale, I want you to say

that you had a very important idea, so important

that you had to start work on it immediately.

- Look out, company. - Mr Cummings, would you mind?

Oh, yes, of course, certainly. What's your name?

- Iris. - Iris, ah.

HE SIGHS There we are, Iris.

Don't forget to vote, will you?

Use one of the experiments we gave you. They won't work,

but they'll look good for a while, and they'll get you

into the secret block. - Right. Well, goodbye, Mr Cummings.

- Goodbye, Mr Gordon. - I'll drop you a line.

- Look after yourself. - Bye, Gordon.

Want you to phone your people.

Tell them that you're satisfied that he is Gordon.

- Right, sir. - May be some doubts about that.

It might be why they got his doctor and dentist in.

Can't be sure yet. Haven't had time to find out.

Who's this woman

you've been talking to? - Mrs Gale.

Oh, Catherine Gale. Yes. I'm sorry about that.

Was it difficult? - A little. She's suspicious.

But in our game, we learn to recognise our own kind.

Wonder why she was suspicious.

She's just come down from London. Borowski says there are three of us.

I knew Borowski was a risk.

- But they don't know who we are. - You say she's suspicious of you.

It's her business to be suspicious.

Well, it's essential that you should satisfy her that he is Gordon.

And it's equally essential

that she should report that you are the real Steed.

If you're not absolutely certain that Mrs Gale is satisfied...

CUMMINGS CHUCKLING ..then you will kill her.

Yes.

- I don't think it is Steed. - When do you think

they switched him? - Today, a few hours ago.

He told me about it, said he was the real Steed,

and he killed their double. - I see.

We can't take any chances, Mrs Gale.

If it isn't Steed, you must kill him.

Yes.

SHE SQUEALS Mrs Gale.

- Hello. - He's asked me.

We're going to be married, Bill and I.

Oh, congratulations, Julie. JULIE GIGGLES COYLY

I thought he was thinking about it today,

but I didn't want to be too sure in case I was wrong.

Counting my chickens.

Yes, I know.

I was watching the Miss Beautiful Legs competition.

Did you see who won? - No, I didn't.

Oh, well, I didn't think much of her.

Give her five years, she'll be 14 stone.

I didn't think much of that Mr Cummings either.

He's a bit of a cold fish, if you ask me.

I wouldn't vote for him,

not that I'm in his constituency anyway.

Anyway, Bill just came up, and put his arm around me

and asked me.

I couldn't get my breath back quick enough to answer.

So he said, "Don't you love me?"

Oh! Poor darling.

Oh, I shouldn't be going on like this.

Did you find Mr Steed? - Yes, I did eventually.

- Gone off again, has he? - Mm-hm.

Oh! Men! SHE SCOFFS

At least Bill got in a proposal before he went.

- He's gone? - Mm, he's gone back to Deepdale.

It's rather funny, really.

"Will you marry me? I must catch the next train."

Well, why's he gone back?

Oh, something big on, is what he told me.

He had another ten days holiday left, too.

Still, I don't really mind.

I'm going there to meet him tomorrow.

- Steed has gone to his chalet. - And Mrs Gale?

In the Vienna Room talking to Gordon's girlfriend.

- Fiancee. - A wise move.

- The takeover, was it smooth? - Oh, perfectly. Why?

- You were there? - I was close at hand.

But you didn't actually witness it?

Well, no, but why?

I don't believe this is our Steed.

- That is impossible. - Is it?

But our Steed was in there waiting for him.

I think he underestimated the man whose part he was to take.

He was excited. He was going on about it being the climax

of five years' training. I remember. - Perhaps he needed ten years.

I think this Steed killed ours.

- And I got rid of the body. - You noticed nothing?

No, but why should I? Everything looked all right.

Why do you think this is not our Steed?

He's altogether too relaxed, almost as if he was enjoying it.

And something he said, "In this business,

"you learn to recognise your own kind."

It was a remark of an experienced professional,

the real Steed.

Our Steed had training, but no experience.

He could never have said

a thing like that. - But is this sufficient?

In time, I think I can find more proof.

But we can't indulge in the niceties of justice.

I believe that the Steed exchange has failed.

Before we're all discovered, if it hasn't happened already,

you must kill Steed and Mrs Gale. - Very well.

In five minutes, I'll have left the camp.

Do it then. - Yes.

SPEAKER CHIMES

MAN ON SPEAKER: 'Good night, everybody, sleep tight.

'See you all in the morning.'

Ah, your car is here, sir.

So good of you to spare the time.

We do hope you'll do us the honour again.

Next by-election. Yes, I will. Well, goodbye.

Goodbye, and thank you again, sir. You can count on my vote.

Thank you.

- Mr Cummings? - Yes.

My name is Catherine Gale. I need your help.

Well, I am in rather a hurry, Mrs Gale. Will you write to me?

No, I'd rather talk to you. I'm a colleague of John Steed.

John Steed? Oh, yes, I met him with Mr Gordon.

In your official capacity, you must be aware

of Steed's vocation. - Must I?

Steed is a traitor. - A traitor?

The real Steed is dead. This man has taken his place.

Really, Mrs Gale. This is rather a tall story.

I know it sounds it, but you've got to believe me.

I don't see why I should.

After all, I only have your word for it

that you're in any way connected to Mr Steed.

Then you've got to take my word, Mr Cummings.

Look, Steed is a highly trained agent,

and they've replaced him with an almost perfect double.

- How do you know? - I know.

It isn't really my line of country.

The security of the nation?

Very well, Mrs Gale, if you put it like that.

What do you want me to do? - Come with me.

Steed! Steed!

Get out. You.

You're not Steed.

I certainly am. I told you I killed my double.

You are the double. How could Steed have killed you

if you were waiting for him? - Luck and a few brains.

I did the thread trick, so I knew someone had come in.

And what did you do with the body?

Rudi, the man you sent out,

it's his job. - Who is that man?

Rudi Engel, born in Vienna, 1932,

mother Austrian, father unknown.

- Why were you fighting? - He was trying to kill me.

Now, what game shall we play?

Mr Cummings, will you make a telephone call for me?

- The police? - No, it's a special number.

Well, of course I will phone, Mrs Gale.

But wouldn't it be better if you did?

After all, it is a rather bizarre story.

If I tried to explain to them,

they might think I was off my head, or trying to make publicity.

- Will you be able to watch him? - I think so.

I'll need the gun, of course.

I am quite a fair shot.

And I'm quite a fair target.

When you go out of here, he'll kill me.

- Not unless I have to. - Then you'll fix it so you have to.

FINGER SNAPPING

The name of that dog, the one that died,

your uncle's... Freddy?

The dog's alive, and the name is Sam.

Are there just the three of us?

Two of us.

The long-term view, eh? You and Gordon

carry on your careers, scientific and political,

all the time feeding back information.

I'm shot while trying to escape.

That should gain you a few votes. GUN CLICKING

BOTH GRUNT All very confusing.

HE GRUNTS

HE SCREAMS IN PAIN

Mrs Gale got on to our security people.

They took away Rudi and Cummings. - Poor Cummings.

- But there's still us. - There's still us.

They don't suspect us? - I managed to convince them.

We can carry on our work. - For the rest of our lives, eh?

- Yep. And you can marry your girl. - Julie, yeah.

Our security is important, Steed. - Yes, it is.

Top o' the morning. Milk cold, the weather is clement.

The outlook is fair.

Well, how is Mrs Whiz-bang Wallop

this fine Trojan morning, eh? What's for breakfast?

- Cook it and see. - Your mail, love.

Thank you.

Got any coffee?

"Invited to the wedding of Julie,

"only daughter of Mr and Mrs Albert Clitheroe."

You've got any coffee? - You're going to let Gordon

go on working at Deepdale thinking he's unsuspected?

As long as he's useful to us, yes. He's doing very well, I believe.

Every Thursday, ten fifteen,

delivers our little secrets, all provided by us.

You think we'd have some coffee? - I'm concerned about Julie.

- Why? Cos she's marrying a spy? - Because of the deception.

It's not the real Gordon.

It's as much the real Gordon as the real Gordon ever was.

Doppelganger is as doppelganger does.

That's what I always say. - You've gone too far.

Should I have done the decent thing

and knocked off our poor friend for espionage?

And murder.

I don't think that our little Julie will thank us for saving her

from a fate worse than, er...

And really, it's very much the same with us.

How do you mean?

Am I the same Steed you knew over a year ago?

- Oh, you tell me. - Whether I'm me, or not?

- Mm. - Oh, that's easy.

BOTH LAUGHING

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