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1
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I
always knew how I wanted
2
00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:31,041
my first sexual
experience to play out.
3
00:00:32,415 --> 00:00:34,333
I'd be effortlessly cool,
4
00:00:35,250 --> 00:00:36,665
irresistible.
5
00:00:36,666 --> 00:00:38,625
Abby? Abby?
6
00:00:39,208 --> 00:00:41,458
Abby, are you swinging
alone in the dark?
7
00:00:43,750 --> 00:00:46,207
Can you take Mom's car
to get some dessert?
8
00:00:46,208 --> 00:00:47,958
The Cruz's are here in ten.
9
00:00:52,125 --> 00:00:53,999
I'd have all
the right moves.
10
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:55,916
Shit.
11
00:00:56,583 --> 00:00:57,750
Number 71.
12
00:00:58,375 --> 00:01:01,665
And no matter how
or where it happened,
13
00:01:01,666 --> 00:01:03,124
it would be with him...
14
00:01:04,666 --> 00:01:06,208
...Max Warren.
15
00:01:07,208 --> 00:01:09,790
With his piercing green eyes.
16
00:01:09,791 --> 00:01:11,540
His killer smile.
17
00:01:11,541 --> 00:01:13,040
Even his neck zit.
18
00:01:13,041 --> 00:01:14,666
Ugh, relatable.
19
00:01:15,500 --> 00:01:19,790
Our first interaction was like
something out of a romance novel.
20
00:01:19,791 --> 00:01:22,124
♪ Contrasting strangers ♪
21
00:01:22,125 --> 00:01:24,290
Hi, I'm Abby.
22
00:01:24,291 --> 00:01:25,374
I'm Max.
23
00:01:25,375 --> 00:01:26,791
Well, goodbye.
24
00:01:29,250 --> 00:01:31,625
I'm Mercedes. I'm
your girlfriend.
25
00:01:32,583 --> 00:01:36,540
And when we were 12, he said
the words that changed everything.
26
00:01:36,541 --> 00:01:38,750
I guess... Abby.
27
00:01:39,208 --> 00:01:42,082
"I guess Abby."
28
00:01:42,083 --> 00:01:45,833
He picked me and I
picked him right back.
29
00:01:47,250 --> 00:01:49,125
Number 72.
30
00:01:49,916 --> 00:01:52,040
Uh, one scoop of
cherry ice cream.
31
00:01:52,041 --> 00:01:54,207
Gummy worms on
top. Double worms?
32
00:01:54,208 --> 00:01:57,165
Oh, no, single serving, please.
33
00:01:57,166 --> 00:01:59,250
Too many worms and
I get a gummy-ache.
34
00:02:00,958 --> 00:02:04,250
Every time I go to Harry's,
we have the same conversation.
35
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:07,499
But this time was different.
36
00:02:07,500 --> 00:02:08,750
How's it going?
37
00:02:09,250 --> 00:02:10,333
Oh, it's chill.
38
00:02:11,625 --> 00:02:13,374
I mean, a little
weird recently, but...
39
00:02:13,375 --> 00:02:16,790
Oh, no. Why... Why?
40
00:02:16,791 --> 00:02:21,208
Uh... Mercedes and
I, we broke up.
41
00:02:21,583 --> 00:02:23,915
We broke up. We broke up.
42
00:02:23,916 --> 00:02:25,625
We broke
up. We broke up.
43
00:02:25,916 --> 00:02:27,125
We broke up.
44
00:02:29,041 --> 00:02:34,957
♪ Yes, I know he's the one ♪
45
00:02:34,958 --> 00:02:40,791
♪ The one my heart has won... ♪
46
00:02:42,333 --> 00:02:47,207
Please welcome for the first
time as people in a marriage,
47
00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:49,124
Mr. and Mrs. Warren.
48
00:02:52,083 --> 00:02:57,540
♪ You know it's been so long ♪
49
00:02:57,541 --> 00:03:02,875
♪ My heart is waiting here ♪
50
00:03:04,291 --> 00:03:06,249
I wanna be with you for,
like, forever and shit.
51
00:03:06,250 --> 00:03:09,832
Oh, Max, I... I wanna kiss
you for the rest of my life.
52
00:03:09,833 --> 00:03:11,749
God, I hope you
practiced on your hand.
53
00:03:11,750 --> 00:03:12,832
Oh, I have.
54
00:03:12,833 --> 00:03:14,541
I really have.
55
00:03:16,458 --> 00:03:19,499
♪ Each night I pray for you ♪
56
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:20,749
♪ Before I... ♪
57
00:03:20,750 --> 00:03:22,374
Sign here for
your house mortgage.
58
00:03:22,375 --> 00:03:25,207
♪ I pray the God above ♪
59
00:03:25,208 --> 00:03:28,999
♪ Will keep you safe for me ♪
60
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,582
- ♪ Yes, I know... ♪
- It's a girl.
61
00:03:30,583 --> 00:03:32,415
Congratulations.
62
00:03:32,416 --> 00:03:33,957
What should we name her?
63
00:03:33,958 --> 00:03:35,415
Mercedes?
64
00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:36,624
That's fucked up.
65
00:03:36,625 --> 00:03:39,375
♪ ...my heart has won ♪
66
00:03:40,916 --> 00:03:42,082
♪ Your love... ♪
67
00:03:42,083 --> 00:03:43,165
Number 73.
68
00:03:44,750 --> 00:03:45,916
Number 73.
69
00:03:47,791 --> 00:03:49,249
Sorry about you and Mercedes.
70
00:03:49,250 --> 00:03:50,708
Oh, it's cool.
71
00:03:52,041 --> 00:03:53,082
Thanks.
72
00:03:53,083 --> 00:03:55,250
Oh, uh, can I also get
a couple pints of...
73
00:03:56,416 --> 00:03:58,625
- "How's it going?"
- Oh! The other side.
74
00:04:01,416 --> 00:04:03,707
Two pints coming right
up, Cherry Worms.
75
00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:12,915
Somewhere between Cherry
Worms and my driveway, reality hit.
76
00:04:12,916 --> 00:04:14,957
Even with Max
being newly single,
77
00:04:14,958 --> 00:04:17,040
why would he ever choose me?
78
00:04:17,041 --> 00:04:20,124
In my sexual fantasy,
we never did anything
79
00:04:20,125 --> 00:04:22,415
because I've never
done anything.
80
00:04:22,416 --> 00:04:24,416
I just needed a step
in the right direction.
81
00:04:25,125 --> 00:04:27,790
Shit.
82
00:04:27,791 --> 00:04:29,749
I go to St. Bernadette's.
83
00:04:29,750 --> 00:04:31,082
Move!
84
00:04:31,083 --> 00:04:34,332
A private,
Catholic rich-kid school
85
00:04:34,333 --> 00:04:36,874
where stuff like this is normal.
86
00:04:46,250 --> 00:04:47,540
Don't cry, Mercedes.
87
00:04:47,541 --> 00:04:49,207
I
thought Max was the one.
88
00:04:49,208 --> 00:04:51,540
We were supposed to get married
89
00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:54,625
and have a baby and
a house mortgage.
90
00:04:56,666 --> 00:04:58,291
It's not fair. I'm pretty.
91
00:05:06,458 --> 00:05:08,165
At St. Bernadette's,
92
00:05:08,166 --> 00:05:11,624
every kid is named after an
apostle or a luxury brand.
93
00:05:11,625 --> 00:05:12,707
Luke?
94
00:05:12,708 --> 00:05:14,000
Paul?
95
00:05:14,958 --> 00:05:15,958
Tiffany?
96
00:05:16,458 --> 00:05:18,458
Chanel? Max?
97
00:05:19,083 --> 00:05:20,499
Max was different.
98
00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:22,666
If I wanted him, I had
to think outside the box.
99
00:05:23,375 --> 00:05:24,374
Psst!
100
00:05:24,375 --> 00:05:25,791
Gucci?
101
00:05:27,208 --> 00:05:28,332
Matthew?
102
00:05:28,333 --> 00:05:30,291
Hey. Pass it to Dior.
103
00:05:31,041 --> 00:05:33,707
Dolce? John?
104
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,790
At my school if you wanted
answers to life's questions,
105
00:05:37,791 --> 00:05:40,999
most pray to a bearded
ghost-gentleman.
106
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:44,332
I turn to a much more reliable
source of information.
107
00:05:44,333 --> 00:05:49,082
Our school mascot, the
St. Bernard, AKA Bernie.
108
00:05:49,083 --> 00:05:52,165
People often forget there's a
person under all that costume.
109
00:05:52,166 --> 00:05:54,082
So he hears it all.
110
00:05:54,083 --> 00:05:57,374
So, you wanna get
with Max now that he's single.
111
00:05:57,375 --> 00:05:58,707
Tell me what you know.
112
00:05:58,708 --> 00:06:01,124
This wasn't the first
time I used the mascot
113
00:06:01,125 --> 00:06:03,124
for Max-related knowledge.
114
00:06:03,125 --> 00:06:05,749
Max Warren. Tell
me what you know.
115
00:06:05,750 --> 00:06:07,624
His Mom
works at Bank of America.
116
00:06:07,625 --> 00:06:09,332
His Uncle, missing.
117
00:06:09,333 --> 00:06:10,999
No one's seen him since Lent.
118
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,915
His Uncle gave up soda
and then he was gone.
119
00:06:13,916 --> 00:06:16,208
Do you think I have a chance?
120
00:06:18,250 --> 00:06:19,332
No.
121
00:06:22,250 --> 00:06:23,650
Heads up!
122
00:06:24,875 --> 00:06:26,499
I heard Mercedes
might be moving.
123
00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:28,874
She was, but
then Max convinced her father
124
00:06:28,875 --> 00:06:32,207
that St. Bernadette's would provide
a more faith-forward upbringing.
125
00:06:32,208 --> 00:06:33,583
Goddammit.
126
00:06:35,625 --> 00:06:36,915
Heads up!
127
00:06:36,916 --> 00:06:39,332
I need to know how I can get
with Max before we graduate
128
00:06:39,333 --> 00:06:40,915
and potentially never
see each other again.
129
00:06:43,083 --> 00:06:45,665
He's all I've ever wanted,
I'll do whatever it takes.
130
00:06:45,666 --> 00:06:48,000
And what
is in it for moi?
131
00:06:51,958 --> 00:06:54,541
Um, I'm off sugar.
I'm on Mounjaro.
132
00:06:55,250 --> 00:06:57,082
- Uh, I'll pay you money.
- Twenty dollars.
133
00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,166
- Deal.
- Okay.
134
00:06:59,083 --> 00:07:01,540
Locker room talk. What is he into?
135
00:07:01,541 --> 00:07:05,165
Makin' out or... or
kissing or swappin' spit...
136
00:07:05,166 --> 00:07:06,915
Max loves to 69.
137
00:07:08,291 --> 00:07:09,374
Huh?
138
00:07:09,375 --> 00:07:12,999
Ask anyone, Max is
obsessed with six to the nine.
139
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,874
That's all he ever
talks about with the boys.
140
00:07:15,875 --> 00:07:17,750
Definitely his favorite
sexual position.
141
00:07:18,625 --> 00:07:20,749
But if kissing is
more of your speed...
142
00:07:20,750 --> 00:07:23,040
Oh, no, no. I've...
I...
143
00:07:23,041 --> 00:07:25,165
I've had my day in the
bedroom department.
144
00:07:25,166 --> 00:07:27,832
I did assume he'd be
slightly more advanced
145
00:07:27,833 --> 00:07:29,290
in the bedroom department.
146
00:07:29,291 --> 00:07:31,250
I mean, he's been with
Mercedes for years.
147
00:07:31,791 --> 00:07:35,832
That's a lot of time in
the... bedroom department.
148
00:07:35,833 --> 00:07:37,633
Girl, you gotta
stop calling it that.
149
00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:40,957
Look, you don't need to 69 Max,
150
00:07:40,958 --> 00:07:46,916
but if you decide to 69
Max, you're his ho fo sho.
151
00:07:47,708 --> 00:07:49,750
I 69 Max...
152
00:07:50,458 --> 00:07:52,958
I'm his ho fo sho.
153
00:07:53,458 --> 00:07:55,458
Yeah, don't...
don't say that either.
154
00:07:56,250 --> 00:07:58,290
That was
the moment I knew
155
00:07:58,291 --> 00:08:00,915
I was going to do whatever
it took to get him.
156
00:08:00,916 --> 00:08:03,541
I was going to 69 Max Warren.
157
00:08:06,125 --> 00:08:07,457
Sexually.
158
00:08:31,041 --> 00:08:32,540
- ♪ When I walk in the room ♪
- ♪ What you do? ♪
159
00:08:32,541 --> 00:08:35,040
♪ I shut that motherfucker
down, down, down ♪
160
00:08:35,041 --> 00:08:36,540
- ♪ And when I bust out a move ♪
- ♪ Bust ♪
161
00:08:36,541 --> 00:08:39,124
♪ They motherfuckin' jaws hit
the ground, ground, ground ♪
162
00:08:39,125 --> 00:08:40,665
- ♪ I ain't got nothin' to prove ♪
- ♪ No ♪
163
00:08:40,666 --> 00:08:42,790
♪ They see me on the news in
my home town, town, town ♪
164
00:08:42,791 --> 00:08:44,332
♪ They couldn't keep
a good girl down ♪
165
00:08:44,333 --> 00:08:46,040
♪ Bitch, look at
me now, now, now ♪
166
00:08:46,041 --> 00:08:47,624
- ♪ I went from zero ♪
- ♪ Zero ♪
167
00:08:47,625 --> 00:08:50,790
- ♪ To sixty-nine ♪
- ♪ Sixty-nine ♪
168
00:08:50,791 --> 00:08:53,582
♪ Sixty-nine ♪
169
00:08:53,583 --> 00:08:55,332
- ♪ When I walk in the club ♪
- ♪ What you do? ♪
170
00:08:55,333 --> 00:08:57,749
♪ I get them heads spinnin'
round, round, round ♪
171
00:08:57,750 --> 00:08:59,457
- ♪ I know they lookin' at us ♪
- ♪ Us ♪
172
00:08:59,458 --> 00:09:01,832
♪ Me and my girls we the talk
of the town, town, town ♪
173
00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:03,665
- ♪ I'm feelin' so scandalous ♪
- ♪ Scandalous ♪
174
00:09:03,666 --> 00:09:05,749
♪ Everybody servin' booty
and a leg, leg, leg ♪
175
00:09:05,750 --> 00:09:07,207
♪ The old me is
dead, dead, dead ♪
176
00:09:07,208 --> 00:09:08,790
♪ You ain't seen
nothin' yet, yet, yet ♪
177
00:09:08,791 --> 00:09:10,415
- ♪ I went from zero ♪
- ♪ Zero ♪
178
00:09:10,416 --> 00:09:11,707
♪ To sixty-nine ♪
179
00:09:11,708 --> 00:09:13,457
♪ Mind your business,
I'll mind mine ♪
180
00:09:13,458 --> 00:09:15,915
♪ Got six-inch heels to strut ♪
181
00:09:15,916 --> 00:09:17,832
♪ Nine inches to... ♪
182
00:09:17,833 --> 00:09:18,915
♪ I'll sixty-nine ♪
183
00:09:18,916 --> 00:09:20,040
♪ Sixty-nine ♪
184
00:09:20,041 --> 00:09:22,040
- ♪ Sixty-nine ♪
- ♪ Sixty-nine ♪
185
00:09:22,041 --> 00:09:23,124
♪ Sixty-nine ♪
186
00:09:23,125 --> 00:09:25,582
- ♪ Sixty-nine ♪
- ♪ Sixty-nine ♪
187
00:09:25,583 --> 00:09:29,457
♪ Yeah, they call it a runway
but a bitch never run ♪
188
00:09:29,458 --> 00:09:33,457
♪ Yeah, I'm one in a million
I make millions just for one ♪
189
00:09:33,458 --> 00:09:35,124
- Heads up!
- Hey, Max...
190
00:09:35,125 --> 00:09:37,082
- ♪ Sixty-nine ♪
- ♪ Sixty-nine ♪
191
00:09:37,083 --> 00:09:38,165
♪ Sixty-nine ♪
192
00:09:38,166 --> 00:09:40,082
- ♪ Sixty-nine ♪
- ♪ Sixty-nine ♪
193
00:09:40,083 --> 00:09:41,499
♪ Sixty-nine ♪
194
00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:43,040
- ♪ Sixty-nine ♪
- ♪ Sixty-nine ♪
195
00:09:45,583 --> 00:09:46,708
She lives.
196
00:09:49,083 --> 00:09:52,374
Someone took a stroll onto
an active soccer field.
197
00:09:52,375 --> 00:09:53,458
What's that about?
198
00:09:54,041 --> 00:09:56,707
Sometimes when I get anxious,
I nervous hallucinate.
199
00:09:56,708 --> 00:09:58,541
Oh, yeah, I've been there.
200
00:09:59,208 --> 00:10:02,249
I used to hallucinate all
the time when I was your age.
201
00:10:02,250 --> 00:10:05,125
But that's because I was on
an ungodly amount of LSD.
202
00:10:06,666 --> 00:10:07,915
Okay.
203
00:10:07,916 --> 00:10:09,458
Off you go, my dear.
204
00:10:16,250 --> 00:10:17,666
I'll get to you in a minute.
205
00:10:19,375 --> 00:10:20,416
Jesus.
206
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:25,790
So I've
been thinking on it.
207
00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:27,332
What should we do
for your birthday?
208
00:10:27,333 --> 00:10:29,665
My dad said he
wanted to hire a hooker for it.
209
00:10:29,666 --> 00:10:31,415
Messed up, man.
210
00:10:31,416 --> 00:10:33,791
Your first time is about
intimacy, connection.
211
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:36,040
Me and Chloe, forget it.
212
00:10:36,041 --> 00:10:37,500
- I wept after.
- Hm.
213
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:41,541
The one time I performed
oral sex, I was so emotional.
214
00:10:42,333 --> 00:10:44,458
I haven't cried like
that since The Whale.
215
00:10:45,916 --> 00:10:48,374
It was official,
every person on earth
216
00:10:48,375 --> 00:10:50,458
was more sexually
experienced than me.
217
00:10:51,750 --> 00:10:53,000
I needed guidance.
218
00:10:53,750 --> 00:10:55,333
And that's when I
saw where to get it.
219
00:10:57,418 --> 00:10:59,290
[♪ "I Got the Work" by Mega.
220
00:10:59,291 --> 00:11:01,540
♪ Look at my tag,
look at my bags... ♪
221
00:11:01,541 --> 00:11:04,290
I had no idea
what was about to happen
222
00:11:04,291 --> 00:11:06,625
or how it would
change my whole world,
223
00:11:07,666 --> 00:11:09,165
but it did.
224
00:11:09,166 --> 00:11:10,874
♪ I got the work,
I got the work ♪
225
00:11:10,875 --> 00:11:12,499
♪ I got the work for days ♪
226
00:11:12,500 --> 00:11:13,790
♪ I got the work... ♪
227
00:11:13,791 --> 00:11:17,707
Alright, boys, show some love to
Rhinestone who works two jobs.
228
00:11:17,708 --> 00:11:19,125
She's runnin' on fumes.
229
00:11:19,708 --> 00:11:20,790
She's runnin' out of gas,
230
00:11:20,791 --> 00:11:23,208
but still showin' ass.
231
00:11:24,958 --> 00:11:26,874
Guys, if you're a creep,
you're gonna get bounced.
232
00:11:26,875 --> 00:11:28,207
A reminder.
233
00:11:33,791 --> 00:11:36,582
Ladies and gentlemen,
comin' to the stage,
234
00:11:36,583 --> 00:11:38,374
a Diamond Doll's favorite.
235
00:11:38,375 --> 00:11:40,624
She is the muse of Syracuse.
236
00:11:40,625 --> 00:11:42,707
It's about to get erotica,
237
00:11:42,708 --> 00:11:46,040
give it up for Santa Monica.
238
00:12:03,208 --> 00:12:06,082
Santa Monica! I'm
your number one fan!
239
00:12:18,375 --> 00:12:20,249
♪ You've got them
all by the balls ♪
240
00:12:20,250 --> 00:12:23,249
♪ Causin' waterfalls,
stone walls, bar brawls ♪
241
00:12:23,250 --> 00:12:25,207
♪ Common stalls
that cause 'em all ♪
242
00:12:25,208 --> 00:12:27,124
♪ To you, they
crawl, body sprawl ♪
243
00:12:27,125 --> 00:12:30,207
♪ Smokin' Pall Malls,
close call, stand tall ♪
244
00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:31,958
♪ Doll, you make 'em
feel so small... ♪
245
00:12:32,708 --> 00:12:36,290
The first time you see someone
that comfortable in their own skin,
246
00:12:36,291 --> 00:12:38,499
it's almost jarring.
247
00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:42,290
Every part of me felt
alive, like I was on fire.
248
00:12:42,291 --> 00:12:43,749
♪ The boys wanna be her ♪
249
00:12:43,750 --> 00:12:45,540
♪ The girls wanna be her ♪
250
00:12:45,541 --> 00:12:47,165
♪ The boys wanna be her ♪
251
00:12:47,166 --> 00:12:48,874
♪ The girls wanna be her ♪
252
00:12:48,875 --> 00:12:51,082
♪ The boys wanna be her ♪
253
00:12:51,083 --> 00:12:53,083
♪ I wanna be her ♪
254
00:12:53,708 --> 00:12:54,832
♪ Yes, I do ♪
255
00:13:01,125 --> 00:13:03,207
♪ Listen up, listen
up, listen up ♪
256
00:13:03,208 --> 00:13:04,957
♪ Voices scatter, listen up... ♪
257
00:13:04,958 --> 00:13:06,332
And there she was.
258
00:13:06,333 --> 00:13:08,832
The answer to all my problems.
259
00:13:08,833 --> 00:13:12,041
I found my sexual
fairy godmother
260
00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:13,707
in a strip club.
261
00:13:13,708 --> 00:13:16,540
- ♪ Voices scatter ♪
- ♪ The boys wanna be her ♪
262
00:13:16,541 --> 00:13:18,249
- ♪ The girls wanna be her ♪
- ♪ Scatter ♪
263
00:13:18,250 --> 00:13:19,582
♪ The boys wanna be her ♪
264
00:13:19,583 --> 00:13:21,624
- ♪ The girls wanna be her ♪
- ♪ Scatter ♪
265
00:13:21,625 --> 00:13:22,957
- ♪ The boys wanna be her ♪
- Whoo!
266
00:13:22,958 --> 00:13:25,082
- ♪ The girls wanna be her ♪
- ♪ Scatter ♪
267
00:13:25,083 --> 00:13:26,415
♪ The boys wanna be her ♪
268
00:13:26,416 --> 00:13:28,082
- Yeah!
- ♪ The girls wanna be her ♪
269
00:13:28,083 --> 00:13:29,957
- ♪ Scatter ♪
- ♪ The boys wanna be her ♪
270
00:13:29,958 --> 00:13:32,124
- ♪ The girls wanna be her ♪
- ♪ Scatter ♪
271
00:13:32,125 --> 00:13:33,540
♪ The boys wanna be her ♪
272
00:13:33,541 --> 00:13:35,457
- ♪ The girls wanna be her ♪
- ♪ Scatter ♪
273
00:13:35,458 --> 00:13:36,665
♪ The boys wanna be her ♪
274
00:13:36,666 --> 00:13:39,040
- ♪ The girls wanna be her ♪
- ♪ Scatter ♪
275
00:13:39,041 --> 00:13:40,500
♪ The boys wanna be her ♪
276
00:13:41,750 --> 00:13:42,874
♪ Scatter ♪
277
00:13:45,250 --> 00:13:47,166
♪ Scatter ♪
278
00:13:48,708 --> 00:13:50,333
- ♪ Scatter ♪
- Whoo!
279
00:13:52,083 --> 00:13:53,915
- ♪ Scatter ♪
- You 18?
280
00:13:57,208 --> 00:13:59,833
Come on, I'm gonna be
18 in like 15 minutes.
281
00:14:00,416 --> 00:14:01,999
See you in 15.
282
00:14:09,541 --> 00:14:12,082
There's two on, two out...
283
00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:16,040
...has two outs.
284
00:14:16,041 --> 00:14:17,832
Running the way he's
going, where's the pitch...
285
00:14:17,833 --> 00:14:19,540
What the fuck,
mama? Don't eat the food.
286
00:14:19,541 --> 00:14:21,832
Let's hear
it for Santa Monica!
287
00:14:24,500 --> 00:14:26,040
What do you mean it could be?
288
00:14:26,041 --> 00:14:28,041
It's nail polish.
289
00:14:28,333 --> 00:14:30,124
But it could be lip gloss.
290
00:14:30,125 --> 00:14:31,291
Look.
291
00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:34,624
- Oh, no, that's burning. That's burning.
- Oh, my God.
292
00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:37,915
Just worked my off for 82
bucks and a stick of gum.
293
00:14:37,916 --> 00:14:39,540
Oh, babe, your phone's
been vibrating all night.
294
00:14:39,541 --> 00:14:40,624
- Mm-hmm.
- I almost sat on it.
295
00:14:40,625 --> 00:14:42,540
Yeah, it's been
blowing up. Who is he?
296
00:14:42,541 --> 00:14:45,790
It's this lame-ass thread
for my high school reunion.
297
00:14:45,791 --> 00:14:48,124
Ugh. Shut the fuck up, losers.
298
00:14:48,125 --> 00:14:49,999
Oh, my God, I hope
you didn't text that.
299
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,749
Oh, my God,
wait, that's so fun.
300
00:14:51,750 --> 00:14:52,832
A high school reunion.
301
00:14:52,833 --> 00:14:54,499
What are you gonna wear?
Who are you gonna do?
302
00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:56,457
- Yeah, I'm not going.
- What?
303
00:14:56,458 --> 00:14:59,082
Seriously, what do I have to show
for myself in the last 10 years?
304
00:14:59,083 --> 00:15:01,540
Babe, so much gum.
305
00:15:01,541 --> 00:15:03,499
Oh,
careful, that is so wet.
306
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:04,582
So warm.
307
00:15:04,583 --> 00:15:06,082
- You know...
- It's like pre-chewed.
308
00:15:06,083 --> 00:15:07,707
...I didn't go to my
high school reunion,
309
00:15:07,708 --> 00:15:10,332
but it would've been weird if I did
'cause I didn't go to high school.
310
00:15:10,333 --> 00:15:12,207
And yet you're the
smartest woman I know.
311
00:15:12,208 --> 00:15:14,374
Oh, my God, you gotta go out
there and meet other bitches.
312
00:15:14,375 --> 00:15:15,790
- You do.
- You really do.
313
00:15:15,791 --> 00:15:17,290
Oh, goddamn it!
314
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:18,915
Seriously? No!
315
00:15:18,916 --> 00:15:21,707
I thought I had
another week on that bulb.
316
00:15:21,708 --> 00:15:23,624
No you didn't, bitch.
A bet's a bet, pay up.
317
00:15:23,625 --> 00:15:25,165
Do you know how
hard I worked for this?
318
00:15:25,166 --> 00:15:26,874
Slammed my pussy up and down.
319
00:15:26,875 --> 00:15:28,332
I said, "Bow, bow, bow, bow."
320
00:15:28,333 --> 00:15:29,665
And I got $40.
321
00:15:29,666 --> 00:15:31,707
- Whoa!
- It was worth the vulva bruises.
322
00:15:31,708 --> 00:15:33,207
- Thanks, babe.
- It's not bruised.
323
00:15:33,208 --> 00:15:34,848
- I'm tough.
- Oh yeah. That's a good one.
324
00:15:35,166 --> 00:15:36,790
Crispy!
325
00:15:36,791 --> 00:15:39,874
God, you guys, this
place is falling apart.
326
00:15:39,875 --> 00:15:41,540
Seriously, it looks like
we don't give a shit.
327
00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:43,082
How long has that
hole been there?
328
00:15:43,083 --> 00:15:44,165
Excuse me?
329
00:15:44,166 --> 00:15:45,875
She has a name.
330
00:15:46,666 --> 00:15:49,207
Honestly, I'm surprised we didn't get
shut down when that guy had a seizure.
331
00:15:49,208 --> 00:15:51,415
Ned? No, babe, Ned's fine.
332
00:15:51,416 --> 00:15:52,665
Yeah, he's fine.
333
00:15:52,666 --> 00:15:53,957
Yeah, on this
stretcher he was like,
334
00:15:53,958 --> 00:15:55,665
"Best night of my
life. Destiny!"
335
00:15:55,666 --> 00:15:58,415
Yeah, he spends his disability
check on me every week.
336
00:15:58,416 --> 00:15:59,915
Ned's fine,
he's absolutely fine.
337
00:15:59,916 --> 00:16:01,207
I gave a guy a seizure once.
338
00:16:01,208 --> 00:16:03,249
Oh, my God! Jesus Christ!
339
00:16:03,250 --> 00:16:04,833
Betty, you scared
the shit out of us!
340
00:16:05,833 --> 00:16:07,207
That's how I got my name.
341
00:16:07,208 --> 00:16:10,207
You know, when I was your
age I was Betty Wetty,
342
00:16:10,208 --> 00:16:12,665
because I made all the
fellas soak their pants.
343
00:16:12,666 --> 00:16:15,874
And then one day, I got hired to strip
344
00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:18,249
for the infamous
Tony Scarpuccio.
345
00:16:18,250 --> 00:16:20,165
The guy
from The Sopranos?
346
00:16:20,166 --> 00:16:23,165
Better. He owns Little
Tony's Meatballs downtown.
347
00:16:23,166 --> 00:16:24,332
Oh, that is better.
348
00:16:24,333 --> 00:16:26,999
Anyway, Tony was going
to town on some spaghetti
349
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,582
when I was doin' my routine.
350
00:16:28,583 --> 00:16:30,457
And I went down to the ground
351
00:16:30,458 --> 00:16:33,415
and I split my underpants
right down the middle.
352
00:16:33,416 --> 00:16:35,125
I mean, bean to tangerine.
353
00:16:35,583 --> 00:16:38,541
And right at that
moment, he seized.
354
00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:43,291
And ever since then I've
been Betty Spaghetti.
355
00:16:44,166 --> 00:16:45,499
How is this the first time
356
00:16:45,500 --> 00:16:46,874
- we're hearing this story?
- Yeah?
357
00:16:46,875 --> 00:16:49,374
Oh, shit. I should have
started with this first.
358
00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:50,624
It's why I came in here.
359
00:16:50,625 --> 00:16:54,540
Okay, well, I'm deeply,
deeply, deeply in debt
360
00:16:54,541 --> 00:16:55,790
and we're losin' the club.
361
00:16:55,791 --> 00:16:58,207
- What?
- I'm sorry, tootsies.
362
00:16:58,208 --> 00:17:00,040
I'm one of the best
strippers in the world,
363
00:17:00,041 --> 00:17:01,291
but I am terrible at math.
364
00:17:02,333 --> 00:17:03,832
Did you know that businesses
365
00:17:03,833 --> 00:17:06,457
are supposed to file
their taxes every year?
366
00:17:06,458 --> 00:17:07,790
- Yes.
- Yes.
367
00:17:07,791 --> 00:17:09,457
Yeah.
368
00:17:09,458 --> 00:17:10,750
Well, fuck me.
369
00:17:11,416 --> 00:17:13,499
Oh, my God, we
can't lose the club!
370
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:17,915
I tried takin' out a loan, but
unless I pay it by next weekend...
371
00:17:17,916 --> 00:17:19,125
Wait, what?
372
00:17:19,708 --> 00:17:21,000
What'll happen?
373
00:17:21,625 --> 00:17:23,040
She'll lose the club.
374
00:17:23,041 --> 00:17:24,540
She'll lose the club?
375
00:17:24,541 --> 00:17:25,874
Are you even listening?
376
00:17:25,875 --> 00:17:28,124
Right?
377
00:17:28,125 --> 00:17:30,624
Anyhoo, I just wanted
to tell you guys
378
00:17:30,625 --> 00:17:33,915
so you could start lookin' for a
place to shake what the Lord gave ya.
379
00:17:33,916 --> 00:17:36,875
And... and I give
you my blessing.
380
00:17:37,708 --> 00:17:40,750
What? No, no, we
can't just give up.
381
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,957
Destiny, when your job didn't give
you health insurance, who did?
382
00:17:44,958 --> 00:17:46,665
- Diamond Dolls.
- Angel.
383
00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:48,666
When your stepdad kicked
you out, where did you go?
384
00:17:48,916 --> 00:17:49,915
Diamond Dolls.
385
00:17:49,916 --> 00:17:51,915
Where do we spend
every Thanksgiving?
386
00:17:51,916 --> 00:17:53,624
Diamond-goddamn-Dolls.
387
00:17:53,625 --> 00:17:55,291
Guys, this is our Cheers.
388
00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:57,458
Where everybody knows your nips.
389
00:17:58,583 --> 00:17:59,625
How much?
390
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:01,999
Me?
391
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:03,915
My ears are for shit,
you gotta talk louder.
392
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,790
How much is the loan, Betty?
393
00:18:05,791 --> 00:18:08,125
- Oh, twenty grand.
- Twenty grand? Fuck.
394
00:18:08,958 --> 00:18:09,958
One week?
395
00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:12,666
We c... we can do that, right?
396
00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:15,790
Uh, we could try OnlyFans.
397
00:18:15,791 --> 00:18:17,415
No, I'm banned, dammit.
398
00:18:17,416 --> 00:18:19,249
I'm banned from Facebook.
399
00:18:19,250 --> 00:18:20,958
I don't even wanna
ask about that.
400
00:18:21,708 --> 00:18:22,707
It was bad.
401
00:18:22,708 --> 00:18:27,124
Look, book me on any house
calls and I'll work overtime.
402
00:18:27,125 --> 00:18:29,124
I mean, there's gotta be a way
to bring in the money, right?
403
00:18:29,125 --> 00:18:32,291
Please welcome
the dish you cannot resist,
404
00:18:32,708 --> 00:18:33,749
Betty Spaghetti.
405
00:18:33,750 --> 00:18:35,666
Well, we need a miracle.
406
00:18:36,750 --> 00:18:38,583
But luckily, I'm
surrounded by angels.
407
00:18:44,250 --> 00:18:47,666
I mean, there's gotta be some rich
freak who will pay for my time, right?
408
00:18:48,958 --> 00:18:50,540
Who will be the lucky guy?
409
00:18:51,958 --> 00:18:54,040
Horse guts!
410
00:18:54,041 --> 00:18:56,208
Alright, let me
take some comments here.
411
00:18:56,458 --> 00:19:00,915
Uh, Brainsbrainsbrains says,
"Hi, Abby-Cadaver, huge fan."
412
00:19:00,916 --> 00:19:02,374
Thank you.
413
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:05,790
"Heard there was a secret
room in Wyatt's Saloon?"
414
00:19:05,791 --> 00:19:09,874
Yes. If you go up the staircase,
415
00:19:09,875 --> 00:19:12,207
locate the pregnant
saloon girl zombie...
416
00:19:12,208 --> 00:19:13,957
There she is.
417
00:19:13,958 --> 00:19:15,249
...rip out her fetus.
418
00:19:17,458 --> 00:19:20,374
...lasso the umbilical
cord around the chandelier,
419
00:19:20,375 --> 00:19:22,957
swing, and you're in.
420
00:19:25,666 --> 00:19:28,082
Okay, I'm
signing off for now.
421
00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:30,040
Thank you so much
for subscribing.
422
00:19:30,041 --> 00:19:31,707
I'm so grateful for the tips.
423
00:19:31,708 --> 00:19:34,833
So, until tomorrow, good-die.
424
00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:39,500
Whew.
425
00:19:42,875 --> 00:19:45,000
Honey, we're about to leave.
426
00:19:45,958 --> 00:19:48,249
Are you sure you don't wanna
spend your birthday with us?
427
00:19:48,250 --> 00:19:50,082
Moving my grandma into a home?
428
00:19:50,083 --> 00:19:52,832
- Pass.
- Okay, okay.
429
00:19:52,833 --> 00:19:55,332
Well, happy early birthday.
430
00:19:55,333 --> 00:20:00,207
- ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
- Oh, awesome! Thanks.
431
00:20:00,208 --> 00:20:02,957
Now this doesn't mean you should
spend your whole birthday on Glitch.
432
00:20:02,958 --> 00:20:04,238
There's some more at the bottom.
433
00:20:05,083 --> 00:20:06,083
Huh.
434
00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:08,415
- Yeah.
- I know it's not a car,
435
00:20:08,416 --> 00:20:10,332
but we're very proud of
you for working so hard
436
00:20:10,333 --> 00:20:11,665
to save up for one on your own.
437
00:20:11,666 --> 00:20:12,749
Thanks, Dad.
438
00:20:12,750 --> 00:20:14,750
Until then, Mom's
Volvo has a full tank.
439
00:20:15,041 --> 00:20:16,832
No, I should just take your car.
440
00:20:16,833 --> 00:20:18,499
Absolutely not.
441
00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:21,582
Oh, and Abby, don't be mad, but I
asked the Cruz's daughter Lily Rose
442
00:20:21,583 --> 00:20:22,874
to stop by at some point.
443
00:20:22,875 --> 00:20:25,207
She's been helping
me in my CPR class.
444
00:20:25,208 --> 00:20:27,499
Just try. Maybe
you'll make a friend.
445
00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:29,624
- Lyft's leaving, hon.
- We'll miss you.
446
00:20:29,625 --> 00:20:30,707
Have fun.
447
00:20:30,708 --> 00:20:32,874
You're still young,
throw a party.
448
00:20:32,875 --> 00:20:34,749
But don't forget to
put away Lola's china.
449
00:20:34,750 --> 00:20:36,165
She's had that since the war.
450
00:20:36,166 --> 00:20:37,832
Margaret,
she's not throwing a party.
451
00:20:37,833 --> 00:20:39,749
Be nice to Lily Rose.
452
00:20:39,750 --> 00:20:41,124
Love you.
453
00:20:41,125 --> 00:20:42,208
Ingat.
454
00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:44,249
Now, be careful, do
not answer this door.
455
00:20:44,250 --> 00:20:46,290
- Whatever... Stranger danger.
- Okay, okay. Bye, kiddo.
456
00:20:46,291 --> 00:20:48,333
Oh, I'm
gonna cry in the Lyft.
457
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:54,916
Operation 69 Max, commence.
458
00:21:03,625 --> 00:21:07,207
Diamond Dolls, where
the girls are...
459
00:21:07,208 --> 00:21:08,582
I dunno. I can't remember.
460
00:21:08,583 --> 00:21:11,250
Hello. I am a guy.
461
00:21:12,041 --> 00:21:13,374
Obviously.
462
00:21:13,375 --> 00:21:15,832
Looking for a
dancer named Santa Monica
463
00:21:15,833 --> 00:21:19,207
to come to my home this evening
464
00:21:19,208 --> 00:21:21,624
for a respectful dance.
465
00:21:21,625 --> 00:21:23,707
- Jesus.
- Is eight o'clock sharp okay?
466
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,457
Okay, so it's cash only,
467
00:21:27,458 --> 00:21:29,707
and it's a hundred an
hour, three hours minimum.
468
00:21:29,708 --> 00:21:33,000
That's about five
hundred, I think.
469
00:21:33,666 --> 00:21:34,915
And you better tip 'em.
470
00:21:34,916 --> 00:21:36,165
Not an issue.
471
00:21:36,166 --> 00:21:39,249
I, uh... work in bonds.
472
00:21:39,250 --> 00:21:41,457
And I sell Jet Skis.
473
00:21:41,458 --> 00:21:43,499
Oh, fancy, okay.
474
00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:45,458
What's your address, big shot?
475
00:21:45,833 --> 00:21:46,832
Yes!
476
00:21:46,833 --> 00:21:48,165
Write
this down, babe.
477
00:21:48,166 --> 00:21:49,290
- 402...
- Yeah.
478
00:21:49,291 --> 00:21:50,624
...Berry Avenue.
479
00:21:50,625 --> 00:21:51,999
That's A-V...
480
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,750
Yeah, I know how
to spell "avenue."
481
00:21:54,708 --> 00:21:56,957
Alexi, play "sexy-time" songs.
482
00:21:56,958 --> 00:22:00,040
Now playing Taxi theme song.
483
00:22:00,041 --> 00:22:01,915
No, Alexi, play...
484
00:23:01,875 --> 00:23:03,666
♪ Hello? ♪
485
00:23:05,458 --> 00:23:07,499
Is anybody home?
486
00:23:09,875 --> 00:23:11,541
And horny?
487
00:23:12,958 --> 00:23:14,791
♪ Yoo-hoo ♪
488
00:23:15,541 --> 00:23:17,291
Is anybody home?
489
00:23:18,166 --> 00:23:21,457
Ooh. Well, well, well,
490
00:23:21,458 --> 00:23:24,499
What do we have here?
491
00:23:24,500 --> 00:23:27,291
Ooh, a little shy guy.
492
00:23:27,583 --> 00:23:29,791
Naughty, naughty.
493
00:23:31,625 --> 00:23:34,207
Would it have killed you
to meet me at the door?
494
00:23:35,541 --> 00:23:37,124
Oh, my God!
495
00:23:37,125 --> 00:23:38,207
Oh, my God!
496
00:23:38,208 --> 00:23:39,374
Oh, my God, he's dead.
497
00:23:39,375 --> 00:23:41,040
Truffle almond?
498
00:23:50,041 --> 00:23:51,041
Talk.
499
00:23:52,291 --> 00:23:54,374
Oh, um, th...
there's this guy Max
500
00:23:54,375 --> 00:23:56,082
and he's always been with
this girl Mercedes...
501
00:23:56,083 --> 00:23:57,165
Shorter version.
502
00:23:57,166 --> 00:24:00,082
I love Max. He's finally single.
503
00:24:00,083 --> 00:24:01,665
Okay, where am I in the story?
504
00:24:01,666 --> 00:24:03,915
Why am I in a basic-ass kitchen?
505
00:24:03,916 --> 00:24:06,708
I want to pay you to
teach me how to 69 Max.
506
00:24:07,500 --> 00:24:09,957
Okay, slightly more details?
507
00:24:09,958 --> 00:24:12,207
Last night I saw
you at Diamond Dolls
508
00:24:12,208 --> 00:24:14,500
and you were dancing
and you lit up the room.
509
00:24:15,166 --> 00:24:16,790
Okay, go on.
510
00:24:16,791 --> 00:24:18,040
I've never seen
anything like it.
511
00:24:18,041 --> 00:24:21,083
You literally owned
every guy in there.
512
00:24:21,500 --> 00:24:24,583
Uh, I've never even
remotely had what you have.
513
00:24:26,083 --> 00:24:27,790
Well, this I buy.
514
00:24:27,791 --> 00:24:30,332
So, I figured
515
00:24:30,333 --> 00:24:32,750
if I could get you to be
my coach, teach me things,
516
00:24:33,458 --> 00:24:35,583
then I'd get what I
have always wanted.
517
00:24:36,666 --> 00:24:37,916
Max.
518
00:24:38,791 --> 00:24:41,290
Okay. Um, I'll
coach you right now.
519
00:24:41,291 --> 00:24:43,999
That speech was boring,
weird, and also boring.
520
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,540
You don't have enough money to
pay me to listen to more of them.
521
00:24:46,541 --> 00:24:50,082
So, I will take my
payment, plus tip,
522
00:24:50,083 --> 00:24:52,874
and if you're selling any of
those, like, chocolate bars
523
00:24:52,875 --> 00:24:54,666
for your high school,
I'll take one of those.
524
00:24:55,166 --> 00:24:56,582
I'm not selling
chocolate bars.
525
00:24:56,583 --> 00:24:58,750
Aren't you little shits
always selling chocolate bars?
526
00:24:59,500 --> 00:25:01,165
It's a common misconception.
527
00:25:01,166 --> 00:25:03,999
- Ugh.
- I'm... I'm telling you I need your help.
528
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,874
Don't you have, like,
a sister or a girlfriend or something?
529
00:25:06,875 --> 00:25:10,165
Ask her. Not some hot
stripper you catfished.
530
00:25:10,166 --> 00:25:11,875
No, I don't have someone. I...
531
00:25:12,666 --> 00:25:13,999
One week, that's all I need.
532
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:15,082
I can pay you.
533
00:25:15,083 --> 00:25:17,915
In What? Pez
dispensers? I'm good.
534
00:25:17,916 --> 00:25:20,749
I mean, I have
$5,000 right here.
535
00:25:20,750 --> 00:25:22,332
I'm telling you I'm rich.
536
00:25:31,375 --> 00:25:32,750
Holy shit, you are.
537
00:25:33,791 --> 00:25:36,415
What, do you have like
a lemonade stand chain?
538
00:25:36,416 --> 00:25:39,040
People pay to watch me
play games on Glitch.
539
00:25:39,041 --> 00:25:40,624
I'm like really good at it.
540
00:25:40,625 --> 00:25:42,999
Oh, cool. Where the
fuck are your parents?
541
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:44,500
Out of town for the week.
542
00:25:46,458 --> 00:25:48,833
Come on, name your price.
543
00:25:49,250 --> 00:25:50,624
I'm telling you, I'm rich.
544
00:25:50,625 --> 00:25:52,290
Twenty thousand dollars.
545
00:25:52,291 --> 00:25:54,582
What?
546
00:25:54,583 --> 00:25:56,332
I'll do it for 20,000.
547
00:25:56,333 --> 00:25:57,582
A week with me
548
00:25:57,583 --> 00:25:59,499
and I'll teach you
everything you need to know
549
00:25:59,500 --> 00:26:02,540
to pull off a facade
of confidence.
550
00:26:02,541 --> 00:26:04,124
I'd rather it not be a facade.
551
00:26:04,125 --> 00:26:07,207
Five thousand dollars is the
deposit and the rest by Saturday
552
00:26:07,208 --> 00:26:10,624
and you've got yourself
a little sex coach.
553
00:26:10,625 --> 00:26:13,374
Can you please stop
thrusting your crotch?
554
00:26:13,375 --> 00:26:15,500
What, you don't like
a little sex coach?
555
00:26:16,083 --> 00:26:17,415
I had to think fast.
556
00:26:17,416 --> 00:26:22,166
Spend every dime I had getting
with Max or get my dream car. Uh...
557
00:26:27,041 --> 00:26:28,332
Ah, fuck it.
558
00:26:28,333 --> 00:26:29,458
Let's do it.
559
00:26:31,666 --> 00:26:33,249
Oh, I thought I
said that out loud.
560
00:26:33,250 --> 00:26:34,874
Let's do it.
561
00:26:44,333 --> 00:26:45,458
Santa Monica.
562
00:26:46,250 --> 00:26:48,707
Treat your number one fan
to a lap dance, will you?
563
00:26:48,708 --> 00:26:51,540
Oh, how'd you know I charge 10
bucks for an ass pinch, perv?
564
00:26:52,875 --> 00:26:53,957
Santi?
565
00:26:53,958 --> 00:26:56,040
- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
- Baby, wait. What are you doing?
566
00:26:56,041 --> 00:26:58,416
Uh-uh-uh-uh. What are you doing
here? You don't work today.
567
00:26:59,500 --> 00:27:01,040
- Oh, shit going down.
- Uh-huh.
568
00:27:01,041 --> 00:27:02,207
- Shit... Go, go, go.
- We're coming.
569
00:27:02,208 --> 00:27:03,488
- On the way.
- But not too fast.
570
00:27:07,458 --> 00:27:08,457
What's that, Santi?
571
00:27:08,458 --> 00:27:11,291
Five thousand dollars
plus a sweaty 10.
572
00:27:11,875 --> 00:27:14,749
I think I can make you enough
money to save the club in time.
573
00:27:14,750 --> 00:27:16,499
If I got you the 20 grand,
574
00:27:16,500 --> 00:27:19,290
would you consider letting
me co-own Diamond Dolls?
575
00:27:24,208 --> 00:27:27,332
Baby... I can't keep
running this show.
576
00:27:27,333 --> 00:27:28,583
You can have the whole thing.
577
00:27:29,333 --> 00:27:30,749
As long as I can
still hang around
578
00:27:30,750 --> 00:27:34,291
and shake my bra biscuits
for another 60 years.
579
00:27:35,041 --> 00:27:36,957
Wait, you wanna be
a stripper at 110?
580
00:27:36,958 --> 00:27:38,791
I told ya I'm not
good with math.
581
00:27:40,458 --> 00:27:41,499
We got a deal?
582
00:27:41,500 --> 00:27:42,791
It's a deal.
583
00:27:44,458 --> 00:27:46,207
Now quit smoking in my office.
584
00:27:46,208 --> 00:27:48,083
Ha-ha! Thattagirl.
585
00:28:03,375 --> 00:28:04,458
What?
586
00:28:13,250 --> 00:28:14,832
Do you wanna come in? Or...
587
00:28:16,750 --> 00:28:17,833
Okay.
588
00:28:23,208 --> 00:28:25,165
- Cool car.
- It's a piece of shit.
589
00:28:25,166 --> 00:28:26,375
Totally.
590
00:28:27,833 --> 00:28:29,165
How'd you sleep?
591
00:28:29,166 --> 00:28:30,832
Alright, rule number one,
592
00:28:30,833 --> 00:28:31,999
no small talk.
593
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:34,832
You say something interesting
or nothing at all.
594
00:28:38,500 --> 00:28:40,833
Did you know worms are
the only animals that 69?
595
00:28:41,916 --> 00:28:44,457
What the fuck am I
supposed to do with that?
596
00:28:44,458 --> 00:28:46,790
Alright, rule number two,
we stick to the lessons.
597
00:28:46,791 --> 00:28:49,207
Everything we discuss
will be a lesson.
598
00:28:49,208 --> 00:28:51,457
There's no, like, "hanging out"
599
00:28:51,458 --> 00:28:53,082
because you've hired
me to teach you.
600
00:28:53,083 --> 00:28:54,790
And teachers don't hang
out with their students
601
00:28:54,791 --> 00:28:57,207
unless they're fucking,
which we're not.
602
00:28:57,208 --> 00:28:59,165
I'm sorry, I didn't know what
time we were starting today.
603
00:28:59,166 --> 00:29:01,041
I forgot to brush my teeth.
604
00:29:02,750 --> 00:29:04,082
Rule number three,
605
00:29:04,083 --> 00:29:06,833
I get my payment of
$20,000 by Saturday.
606
00:29:08,166 --> 00:29:09,290
Happy to be in
business with you.
607
00:29:09,291 --> 00:29:10,833
Oh, my God, that breath isn't.
608
00:29:11,333 --> 00:29:14,291
- Did you like eat a poo for dinner?
- No.
609
00:29:14,708 --> 00:29:17,541
Alright, lesson one, get out.
610
00:29:21,291 --> 00:29:24,125
Hey, you're going for a walk.
611
00:29:32,500 --> 00:29:33,875
I don't hear you.
612
00:29:34,708 --> 00:29:36,457
How is this supposed to
help me get with Max?
613
00:29:36,458 --> 00:29:37,698
We're building your confidence.
614
00:29:38,625 --> 00:29:41,124
- Ahh!
- Jesus. Are your ankles drunk?
615
00:29:41,125 --> 00:29:44,499
Did you have a piña colada
while you ate shit for dinner?
616
00:29:44,500 --> 00:29:46,165
Come on. I have never
worn heels before.
617
00:29:46,166 --> 00:29:48,165
Alright, now come
on! Let's hear it.
618
00:29:48,166 --> 00:29:50,208
Are you saying it?
'Cause I can't hear you.
619
00:29:51,708 --> 00:29:53,458
I am a s-sex machine.
620
00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:56,124
What, you think
you're a sex machine?
621
00:29:56,125 --> 00:29:57,500
I don't think so.
622
00:29:58,958 --> 00:30:01,040
I am a... a sex machine.
623
00:30:01,041 --> 00:30:03,333
No, let's hear it. Who are you?
624
00:30:03,916 --> 00:30:05,540
I am a sex machine.
625
00:30:05,541 --> 00:30:07,416
Don't tell me, tell Max.
626
00:30:11,625 --> 00:30:13,624
I am a sex machine!
627
00:30:13,625 --> 00:30:15,624
Yes, bitch, there she is!
628
00:30:15,625 --> 00:30:16,707
There she is.
629
00:30:16,708 --> 00:30:18,375
Now Tell Max what you do.
630
00:30:18,833 --> 00:30:22,958
I am a machine
that gives you sex.
631
00:30:23,666 --> 00:30:24,999
Okay, what else?
632
00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:28,707
Uh, I was made in a horny lab
633
00:30:28,708 --> 00:30:31,790
by dirty scientists.
634
00:30:31,791 --> 00:30:35,499
They all got so turned on they
started kissing each other.
635
00:30:35,500 --> 00:30:37,415
And you made it weird.
636
00:30:37,416 --> 00:30:38,624
Coffee break.
637
00:30:38,625 --> 00:30:40,865
Oh, there's a really great spot...
638
00:30:42,583 --> 00:30:44,582
Alright, lesson two.
639
00:30:44,583 --> 00:30:46,124
We're gonna assess
your knowledge.
640
00:30:46,125 --> 00:30:48,499
So, let's start
with what you know.
641
00:30:48,500 --> 00:30:52,499
Okay, well, I know about
hand jobs and blow jobs.
642
00:30:52,500 --> 00:30:55,207
I've heard of rim jobs.
643
00:30:55,208 --> 00:30:57,832
I'm... I think I can guess
what those are though.
644
00:30:57,833 --> 00:30:59,165
Oh, cool.
645
00:30:59,166 --> 00:31:01,790
I'm dying to know what
you think a rim job is.
646
00:31:01,791 --> 00:31:05,165
Is it when a guy puts his
hands on the rim of your boobs
647
00:31:05,166 --> 00:31:07,290
and goes "e-ooh-e-ooh"?
648
00:31:07,291 --> 00:31:08,665
So we're starting at zero.
649
00:31:08,666 --> 00:31:09,958
Correct.
650
00:31:10,208 --> 00:31:12,375
I mean, have you
ever watched porn?
651
00:31:13,458 --> 00:31:14,541
...ography?
652
00:31:15,041 --> 00:31:16,832
Alright, that's a no.
653
00:31:16,833 --> 00:31:18,749
What about a sexy movie?
654
00:31:18,750 --> 00:31:21,707
Oh, yeah, I've seen
like a ton of romantic movies,
655
00:31:21,708 --> 00:31:24,082
but they always cut away
before they get to the 69.
656
00:31:24,083 --> 00:31:25,290
Okay.
657
00:31:25,291 --> 00:31:27,332
Although, I do know what a...
658
00:31:27,333 --> 00:31:28,790
uh, penis
659
00:31:28,791 --> 00:31:29,874
feels like.
660
00:31:29,875 --> 00:31:31,083
Penis?
661
00:31:31,750 --> 00:31:33,249
Penis.
662
00:31:33,250 --> 00:31:34,624
Why are you afraid to say penis?
663
00:31:34,625 --> 00:31:36,166
No one is home.
664
00:31:36,958 --> 00:31:38,624
- Okay.
- Penis.
665
00:31:38,625 --> 00:31:39,833
Penis.
666
00:31:41,958 --> 00:31:43,874
How have you felt a penis?
667
00:31:43,875 --> 00:31:45,582
Someone told me that
if you put your finger
668
00:31:45,583 --> 00:31:48,500
on your eyelid, it
feels like a penis.
669
00:31:50,041 --> 00:31:52,624
Yeah, like, go like
this and then you...
670
00:31:52,625 --> 00:31:54,082
Huh.
671
00:31:54,083 --> 00:31:55,291
Wait, it does actually.
672
00:31:55,958 --> 00:31:57,165
- Not no.
- Right?
673
00:31:57,166 --> 00:31:58,250
Yeah.
674
00:31:58,750 --> 00:32:01,375
Okay, one point for Griffindork.
675
00:32:01,958 --> 00:32:03,499
Okay, you don't
have to jerk it off.
676
00:32:03,500 --> 00:32:04,625
Oh, sorry.
677
00:32:05,958 --> 00:32:08,124
So, you're doing all
this for some guy?
678
00:32:08,125 --> 00:32:11,499
Not that I'm complaining,
but, like, why this guy?
679
00:32:11,500 --> 00:32:14,583
- What do you mean?
- Like, why is he the one?
680
00:32:15,333 --> 00:32:16,874
I mean, a million reasons.
681
00:32:16,875 --> 00:32:19,249
Um, he's Max Warren.
682
00:32:19,250 --> 00:32:22,874
He's super hot and he,
like, he plays soccer.
683
00:32:22,875 --> 00:32:25,000
Oh, and he has such great hair.
684
00:32:25,958 --> 00:32:28,457
You're spending $20,000
to get with a guy
685
00:32:28,458 --> 00:32:30,250
because his hair is good?
686
00:32:31,041 --> 00:32:32,681
Did you have a crush
when you were my age?
687
00:32:33,833 --> 00:32:35,332
Jean-Paul Giordano.
688
00:32:35,333 --> 00:32:37,375
Hmm. What did you
know about him?
689
00:32:37,916 --> 00:32:39,582
He was obsessed
with Disney World
690
00:32:39,583 --> 00:32:41,499
and his brother
drowned in a pool.
691
00:32:41,500 --> 00:32:42,582
Jesus.
692
00:32:42,583 --> 00:32:43,874
Alright, homework.
693
00:32:43,875 --> 00:32:46,333
Deep dive Max's Instagram.
Find out more about him.
694
00:32:47,458 --> 00:32:48,875
Okay.
695
00:32:49,833 --> 00:32:51,082
Thanks for the day.
696
00:32:51,083 --> 00:32:52,957
When am I gonna see you again?
697
00:32:52,958 --> 00:32:54,083
She's gone.
698
00:33:05,833 --> 00:33:07,500
I am a sex machine.
699
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:10,000
Eh...
700
00:33:42,583 --> 00:33:43,749
Hey, y'all, I just
wanted to thank
701
00:33:43,750 --> 00:33:46,665
the Syracuse Police Department
for finding my Uncle Frank.
702
00:33:46,666 --> 00:33:49,875
They say cold cases stay cold,
but not in New York, right, Mom?
703
00:33:51,500 --> 00:33:52,500
Bye, y'all.
704
00:34:05,583 --> 00:34:06,666
Oh.
705
00:34:11,750 --> 00:34:12,916
Come on.
706
00:34:14,958 --> 00:34:16,875
Just... Forget it.
707
00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:19,708
I'll just think about it.
708
00:34:22,958 --> 00:34:24,166
- Hey.
- Hey.
709
00:34:26,916 --> 00:34:29,356
Listen. Betty,
you'd be making a huge mistake.
710
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:31,374
Diamond Dolls is gonna go under.
711
00:34:31,375 --> 00:34:34,416
Now, look, if... if you
give the club to me,
712
00:34:35,041 --> 00:34:37,041
your legacy, it gets to go on.
713
00:34:37,500 --> 00:34:39,374
I just don't know why
you're not saying yes.
714
00:34:39,375 --> 00:34:40,582
Are you on your period?
715
00:34:40,583 --> 00:34:44,457
- What the hell?
- Hola. Rick Richards.
716
00:34:44,458 --> 00:34:47,332
Yeah, a name so nice, your
folks named you Dickhead twice.
717
00:34:48,750 --> 00:34:50,124
Well, two Dicks are
better than one.
718
00:34:50,125 --> 00:34:51,540
I'm sure you'd agree.
719
00:34:51,541 --> 00:34:52,791
Uh, wait a second.
720
00:34:53,583 --> 00:34:54,583
Santa Monica, right?
721
00:34:55,541 --> 00:34:57,790
Oh, my God. I almost
didn't recognize you.
722
00:34:57,791 --> 00:35:00,290
It has been years since
you auditioned for me.
723
00:35:00,291 --> 00:35:02,833
You've... really aged.
724
00:35:03,375 --> 00:35:04,665
Yeah, I remember you.
725
00:35:04,666 --> 00:35:07,624
I was 18 and you asked me to
audition without my underpants.
726
00:35:07,625 --> 00:35:11,083
Well, only a sucker buys a used
car without looking under the hood.
727
00:35:11,791 --> 00:35:13,665
And by used car,
I mean stripper,
728
00:35:13,666 --> 00:35:17,124
and looking under the hood, I
mean looking at your vagina.
729
00:35:17,125 --> 00:35:18,749
- Yeah, I... we got it.
- Okay.
730
00:35:18,750 --> 00:35:20,165
- Just for clarity.
- Mm-hmm.
731
00:35:20,166 --> 00:35:21,833
I like to check the slits.
732
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:25,540
Okay, what is this
shit-slime doing here?
733
00:35:25,541 --> 00:35:28,791
Well, The Old Spaghetti Factory
over here owes me some dinero.
734
00:35:31,208 --> 00:35:33,665
What? Betty! I thought
you owed the bank.
735
00:35:33,666 --> 00:35:36,165
Sorry, doll. They
couldn't help me, okay?
736
00:35:36,166 --> 00:35:38,249
Yeah, it's a shame.
737
00:35:38,250 --> 00:35:40,207
And if she can't pay,
I'll be your new boss.
738
00:35:40,208 --> 00:35:41,957
Although we might have to
lose some of the uglies.
739
00:35:41,958 --> 00:35:43,832
You know which ones
I'm talking about.
740
00:35:43,833 --> 00:35:45,250
But don't worry,
I'm a great boss.
741
00:35:45,791 --> 00:35:47,332
I have a very hands-on approach.
742
00:35:47,333 --> 00:35:49,790
So if anyone's taking
over this establishment,
743
00:35:49,791 --> 00:35:51,749
it should be someone who
knows how to run a club.
744
00:35:51,750 --> 00:35:52,832
Wouldn't you agree?
745
00:35:52,833 --> 00:35:54,624
Someone who knows how
to work the girls.
746
00:35:54,625 --> 00:35:58,250
Someone with a college
education, comprende?
747
00:35:58,875 --> 00:35:59,957
What's with the Spanish?
748
00:35:59,958 --> 00:36:01,915
Trying to learn a new
language every week.
749
00:36:01,916 --> 00:36:04,041
My little girl got me
Duolingo for my birthday.
750
00:36:04,708 --> 00:36:05,958
You have a daughter?
751
00:36:06,666 --> 00:36:08,749
No, I'm talking about my bitch.
752
00:36:08,750 --> 00:36:10,790
Listen, I'm taking over the club
753
00:36:10,791 --> 00:36:13,082
so you can hasta la vista, baby.
754
00:36:13,083 --> 00:36:14,499
I'll have your money next week.
755
00:36:14,500 --> 00:36:15,874
I don't know what you said.
756
00:36:15,875 --> 00:36:18,582
I haven't gotten that far in the
course, but I will tell you this.
757
00:36:18,583 --> 00:36:19,832
If you don't have the money,
758
00:36:19,833 --> 00:36:22,540
if, uh, Santa Monica
should be washed away
759
00:36:22,541 --> 00:36:25,750
by a tidal wave of El Niño.
760
00:36:26,208 --> 00:36:28,665
Then you have my card, Betty.
761
00:36:28,666 --> 00:36:31,374
And I'll be back next
weekend to collect the keys.
762
00:36:31,375 --> 00:36:33,041
Talk then, Spaghettio.
763
00:36:34,166 --> 00:36:36,416
Oh, and, uh...
764
00:36:38,041 --> 00:36:40,749
when I do take over, I am gonna
need to see you audition again,
765
00:36:40,750 --> 00:36:43,500
but no costume this time.
766
00:36:44,166 --> 00:36:45,500
Capiche?
767
00:36:46,625 --> 00:36:47,707
That's Italian.
768
00:36:47,708 --> 00:36:48,790
Nah-uh.
769
00:36:48,791 --> 00:36:50,333
Yeah-huh, look it up.
770
00:36:52,458 --> 00:36:53,458
Whatever.
771
00:36:54,333 --> 00:36:56,332
Duolingo has over
40 language courses.
772
00:36:56,333 --> 00:36:57,790
Duolin-go fuck yourself.
773
00:36:57,791 --> 00:36:59,457
Oh, nice mouth on
this one, Betty.
774
00:36:59,458 --> 00:37:01,374
What the hell, Betty?!
775
00:37:01,375 --> 00:37:02,540
Rick Richards?
776
00:37:02,541 --> 00:37:04,249
He can't take over
Diamond Dolls, he can't!
777
00:37:04,250 --> 00:37:05,540
I don't want him to, honey.
778
00:37:05,541 --> 00:37:07,874
But if you can't raise
that money by next weekend,
779
00:37:07,875 --> 00:37:09,000
we are fucked.
780
00:37:09,541 --> 00:37:10,625
I'll get you the money.
781
00:37:18,708 --> 00:37:21,165
♪ I'm in rainbows ♪
782
00:37:21,166 --> 00:37:23,250
♪ Ridin' my scout ♪
783
00:37:23,916 --> 00:37:25,375
♪ Behind my leather ♪
784
00:37:26,541 --> 00:37:28,541
♪ And hammer down... ♪
785
00:37:29,333 --> 00:37:30,458
Oh, shit.
786
00:37:31,041 --> 00:37:33,624
Oh. Abby dear. Yoo-hoo!
787
00:37:33,625 --> 00:37:35,957
Mommy's here to pick you up.
788
00:37:35,958 --> 00:37:39,582
♪ You'll find us all downtown ♪
789
00:37:45,583 --> 00:37:47,582
- Come on.
- What are you doing here?
790
00:37:47,583 --> 00:37:49,957
We gotta get moving
on the plan. Come on.
791
00:37:49,958 --> 00:37:51,415
No time to waste.
792
00:37:51,416 --> 00:37:53,083
Get in the car. Here we go.
793
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:55,540
♪ Good enough for me ♪
794
00:37:55,541 --> 00:37:58,208
Mm. I love a man in uniform.
795
00:38:00,041 --> 00:38:02,041
Oh!
796
00:38:05,458 --> 00:38:08,915
Uh, why couldn't this wait
until after I got home?
797
00:38:08,916 --> 00:38:11,207
Oh, God.
798
00:38:11,208 --> 00:38:13,728
Principal Morris is staring at
me like I just joined a sex cult.
799
00:38:15,291 --> 00:38:16,999
Oh, my God, ew.
800
00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:19,457
I can't believe he still
works here.
801
00:38:19,458 --> 00:38:21,582
Wait, when I was a senior,
802
00:38:21,583 --> 00:38:23,582
he used to do this like
disgusting eye trick
803
00:38:23,583 --> 00:38:26,165
where he'd use one eye
to look at your chest.
804
00:38:26,166 --> 00:38:28,958
So gross. I
tried to get the perv fired.
805
00:38:29,500 --> 00:38:31,791
You know he has a
glass eye, right?
806
00:38:33,291 --> 00:38:34,375
Uh-huh.
807
00:38:34,875 --> 00:38:35,875
Totally.
808
00:38:36,333 --> 00:38:37,416
Sad.
809
00:38:38,583 --> 00:38:39,832
Oh, shit, duck!
810
00:38:39,833 --> 00:38:41,665
Ow! Oh, my God.
811
00:38:41,666 --> 00:38:43,999
Dude, I just got filler.
812
00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:46,082
Okay, who
are we hiding from?
813
00:38:46,083 --> 00:38:47,249
Robin Goode.
814
00:38:47,250 --> 00:38:48,999
She thinks she's better
than everyone else.
815
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:51,249
She's in charge of
our class reunion.
816
00:38:51,250 --> 00:38:54,957
Of course she is. Look at her in her
fuckin' little business lady suit.
817
00:38:54,958 --> 00:38:57,500
Nice camel-toe, Ann Taylor Loft.
818
00:38:58,041 --> 00:39:00,457
Oh, cool, you don't show
cleavage in your suit.
819
00:39:00,458 --> 00:39:02,207
How professional.
820
00:39:02,208 --> 00:39:04,583
Oh... Oh, okay, she's gone.
821
00:39:06,916 --> 00:39:07,916
She's gone.
822
00:39:09,791 --> 00:39:12,625
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, obviously. Duh.
823
00:39:13,125 --> 00:39:14,832
Are you gonna go to the reunion?
824
00:39:14,833 --> 00:39:17,249
Oh, my God, what did I
say about small talk?
825
00:39:17,250 --> 00:39:21,082
Now, let's begin
your next lesson.
826
00:39:21,083 --> 00:39:23,165
Oh, God, I really
don't wanna wear that.
827
00:39:23,166 --> 00:39:24,707
You aren't. Okay.
828
00:39:24,708 --> 00:39:27,332
Most guys don't know your
clitter from your shitter.
829
00:39:27,333 --> 00:39:30,207
So, in order to really enjoy
your first sexual experience,
830
00:39:30,208 --> 00:39:31,808
you have to be good
at giving direction.
831
00:39:32,541 --> 00:39:33,541
Any questions?
832
00:39:34,541 --> 00:39:35,541
Uh...
833
00:39:36,875 --> 00:39:38,333
You can't be serious.
834
00:39:38,833 --> 00:39:39,832
Right?
835
00:39:39,833 --> 00:39:41,290
No, no, no, no, no, no.
836
00:39:41,291 --> 00:39:43,457
No! Oh! Jesus!
837
00:39:43,458 --> 00:39:44,749
Turn left, turn left, left.
838
00:39:44,750 --> 00:39:46,540
Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.
839
00:39:46,541 --> 00:39:47,749
Oh my God!
840
00:39:47,750 --> 00:39:48,916
Um, uh, slight left.
841
00:39:50,083 --> 00:39:52,332
Just... just stop it! Oh no!
842
00:39:52,333 --> 00:39:53,499
Oh, Jesus.
843
00:39:53,500 --> 00:39:54,582
What?
844
00:40:00,208 --> 00:40:02,957
Left! Left!
845
00:40:02,958 --> 00:40:04,582
Tell me what to do!
846
00:40:04,583 --> 00:40:06,499
- Use your words.
- Right!
847
00:40:06,500 --> 00:40:07,958
Right!
848
00:40:14,625 --> 00:40:16,040
♪ Because it's great ♪
849
00:40:16,041 --> 00:40:18,375
♪ Great for me to sing ♪
850
00:40:21,083 --> 00:40:23,082
Okay, stop!
Stop! Stop! Stop!
851
00:40:25,375 --> 00:40:26,540
Oh, God.
852
00:40:26,541 --> 00:40:27,958
♪ Good enough for me ♪
853
00:40:28,750 --> 00:40:31,666
Oh, fuck. Now it looks like I’m
making fun of him.
854
00:40:32,500 --> 00:40:33,999
Go, go!
855
00:40:40,166 --> 00:40:41,165
Stop!
856
00:40:43,958 --> 00:40:44,957
You did it.
857
00:40:44,958 --> 00:40:46,040
You did it! We're here!
858
00:40:46,041 --> 00:40:47,707
- Oh, my God, we made it!
- Holy shit!
859
00:40:47,708 --> 00:40:50,499
I got scared for a second.
860
00:40:50,500 --> 00:40:51,582
You got scared?
861
00:40:51,583 --> 00:40:53,207
I had to see all that, I
thought I was gonna die.
862
00:40:58,833 --> 00:41:00,458
I didn't put it in park.
863
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:02,291
Right.
864
00:41:02,958 --> 00:41:05,250
♪ Good enough for me ♪
865
00:41:05,625 --> 00:41:07,082
Should we leave a note?
866
00:41:07,083 --> 00:41:08,874
What did I say about small talk?
867
00:41:13,291 --> 00:41:16,165
♪ Heart of stone ♪
868
00:41:16,166 --> 00:41:17,540
Oh, hi.
869
00:41:17,541 --> 00:41:18,999
♪ I'm on my own ♪
870
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:20,750
Let me know if you need any...
871
00:41:22,708 --> 00:41:23,874
thing.
872
00:41:23,875 --> 00:41:25,832
♪ Since you've gone... ♪
873
00:41:25,833 --> 00:41:28,374
It was like
kink Disneyland.
874
00:41:28,375 --> 00:41:30,624
But all the rides vibrated more.
875
00:41:30,625 --> 00:41:33,124
"Everybody
wants a German to ride."
876
00:41:33,125 --> 00:41:34,207
Ew.
877
00:41:34,208 --> 00:41:37,665
"Powerful as a BMW,
eco as a Prius."
878
00:41:37,666 --> 00:41:40,165
It's crazy, everything
has like handles now.
879
00:41:41,791 --> 00:41:42,790
Hmm.
880
00:41:42,791 --> 00:41:44,082
Next lesson.
881
00:41:44,083 --> 00:41:46,415
You have to be comfortable
in your own body
882
00:41:46,416 --> 00:41:48,582
before you lay on
someone else's, right?
883
00:41:48,583 --> 00:41:51,374
I mean, 69-ing is like specifically
meant for dual pleasure.
884
00:41:51,375 --> 00:41:52,707
I mean, when I was your age,
885
00:41:52,708 --> 00:41:55,499
I thought the more the guy got
off, the better the sex was.
886
00:41:55,500 --> 00:41:58,624
You know, I was just chugging
dick after dick after di...
887
00:41:58,625 --> 00:41:59,915
Yeah, I didn't feel anything.
888
00:41:59,916 --> 00:42:02,665
I was just faking
orgasm after orgasm,
889
00:42:02,666 --> 00:42:03,999
just lying on my back.
890
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:05,707
Just like a little
songbird, like...
891
00:42:08,291 --> 00:42:09,540
You know? It sucked.
892
00:42:09,541 --> 00:42:11,415
And I blew out my vocal chords.
893
00:42:11,416 --> 00:42:13,457
But, you know, it's
actually the opposite.
894
00:42:13,458 --> 00:42:15,957
Turns out the more I got
off, the better the sex was.
895
00:42:15,958 --> 00:42:19,582
So, you gotta figure
out what turns you on.
896
00:42:19,583 --> 00:42:22,125
Like, for me, it's
choking, but I have trauma.
897
00:42:22,625 --> 00:42:23,957
Maybe you pick something
898
00:42:23,958 --> 00:42:25,707
and I'll go die of
embarrassment in the car.
899
00:42:25,708 --> 00:42:29,457
Hey, a vibrator is a
window to your soul.
900
00:42:29,458 --> 00:42:32,290
Isn't that, like, stitched on a
pillow in your house somewhere?
901
00:42:32,291 --> 00:42:33,375
Live, love, cum?
902
00:42:34,333 --> 00:42:36,082
Haven't you ever
been like nervous
903
00:42:36,083 --> 00:42:37,843
and excited about
something at the same time?
904
00:42:39,416 --> 00:42:40,875
I guess. Uh...
905
00:42:41,416 --> 00:42:44,040
when I go into haunted
houses at Halloween.
906
00:42:44,041 --> 00:42:45,401
Oh, my God, you
really are a dork.
907
00:42:46,375 --> 00:42:48,790
Okay, think about
this like that.
908
00:42:48,791 --> 00:42:52,165
You can be scared and
excited about this next step.
909
00:42:52,166 --> 00:42:53,624
And I'm gonna help.
910
00:42:53,625 --> 00:42:56,374
Best stuff for female pleasure
is behind the curtain.
911
00:42:56,375 --> 00:43:00,208
Ooh. Female pleasure.
912
00:43:06,458 --> 00:43:09,582
Welcome, Abby.
913
00:43:09,583 --> 00:43:11,625
Enter, if you dare.
914
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:14,083
We've been waiting
for you to cum.
915
00:43:15,958 --> 00:43:18,166
Okay, I'm actually scared.
916
00:43:18,625 --> 00:43:19,790
No, we got this.
917
00:43:19,791 --> 00:43:21,832
- ♪ Heart of stone ♪
- ♪ Stone ♪
918
00:43:21,833 --> 00:43:23,833
♪ I feel... ♪
919
00:43:33,291 --> 00:43:35,874
Oh, my God!
920
00:43:40,166 --> 00:43:42,165
Oh, Jesus Christ.
921
00:43:42,166 --> 00:43:43,416
Oh, my God.
922
00:43:46,625 --> 00:43:48,540
Wait. We're in my house.
923
00:43:48,541 --> 00:43:50,041
Yeah, no shit.
924
00:44:01,083 --> 00:44:02,833
Cute vibe.
925
00:44:10,708 --> 00:44:12,999
Oh, not Lola's china!
926
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:15,082
Come on, just pick
one and let's go.
927
00:44:15,083 --> 00:44:16,166
Um...
928
00:44:18,958 --> 00:44:20,083
Hmm?
929
00:44:21,125 --> 00:44:22,249
- That's good.
- Okay.
930
00:44:22,250 --> 00:44:23,665
I prefer the rabbit.
931
00:44:23,666 --> 00:44:25,082
Oh, my God!
932
00:44:25,083 --> 00:44:26,625
No! Go, go, go.
933
00:44:29,708 --> 00:44:31,457
Abigail, what have you done?!
934
00:44:31,458 --> 00:44:33,290
My walls!
935
00:44:33,291 --> 00:44:35,958
My beautiful walls!
936
00:44:36,625 --> 00:44:38,333
Mom? What is she talking about?
937
00:44:41,541 --> 00:44:44,125
Female ejaculation!
938
00:44:45,208 --> 00:44:48,999
Everywhere!
939
00:44:51,125 --> 00:44:52,499
I swear I didn't do it!
940
00:44:52,500 --> 00:44:55,749
I didn't! I... I didn't even
know that females could do that!
941
00:44:55,750 --> 00:44:56,832
Oh, Abby.
942
00:44:56,833 --> 00:44:58,541
Go to your room!
943
00:44:59,041 --> 00:45:00,165
This is my room.
944
00:45:00,166 --> 00:45:02,040
Now!
945
00:45:03,916 --> 00:45:06,332
You
jizzed on your dad!
946
00:45:06,333 --> 00:45:08,957
Okay, I'm done, I don't
wanna do this anymore.
947
00:45:08,958 --> 00:45:10,666
- It's not fun scary.
- Go, go.
948
00:45:17,125 --> 00:45:18,374
Help!
949
00:45:18,375 --> 00:45:20,125
Help! I'm caught!
950
00:45:21,375 --> 00:45:22,374
Ah!
951
00:45:22,375 --> 00:45:23,457
- Come on!
- Okay!
952
00:45:28,833 --> 00:45:30,457
What the fuck?
953
00:45:31,833 --> 00:45:34,166
Oh, God!
954
00:45:36,375 --> 00:45:38,165
- Sixty-four dollars!
- What?!
955
00:45:38,166 --> 00:45:39,500
Sixty-four dollars.
956
00:45:40,833 --> 00:45:42,415
Fun, right?
957
00:45:50,125 --> 00:45:51,625
Goddammit.
958
00:45:52,083 --> 00:45:54,457
Okay, barf.
959
00:45:54,458 --> 00:45:57,291
This looks like a
toilet became a sweater.
960
00:45:58,000 --> 00:45:59,000
Ew.
961
00:46:00,708 --> 00:46:02,749
Oh, my God.
962
00:46:02,750 --> 00:46:05,999
This is, like,
covered in dog hair,
963
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:07,791
so that's not gonna work.
964
00:46:08,666 --> 00:46:09,875
Jesus.
965
00:46:11,083 --> 00:46:13,082
How do you have zero
fuck-me clothes?
966
00:46:13,083 --> 00:46:14,832
What? No, this one's nice.
967
00:46:14,833 --> 00:46:16,040
I got it from the Gap.
968
00:46:16,041 --> 00:46:18,958
Okay, well no one's gonna wanna
touch your gap wearing that.
969
00:46:19,583 --> 00:46:21,665
Alright, I can't
believe I'm saying this,
970
00:46:21,666 --> 00:46:24,000
but I think we have to
raid your mom's closet.
971
00:46:26,791 --> 00:46:30,290
Question, where did
you go in the Love Hut?
972
00:46:30,291 --> 00:46:31,415
What do you mean?
973
00:46:31,416 --> 00:46:33,832
You were,
like, checked out as shit.
974
00:46:33,833 --> 00:46:36,082
Um... I mean...
975
00:46:36,083 --> 00:46:37,832
sometimes I have fantasies.
976
00:46:37,833 --> 00:46:40,207
Ooh, kinky. I love it.
977
00:46:40,208 --> 00:46:42,207
Not, like, sexual.
978
00:46:42,208 --> 00:46:44,083
More like, um...
979
00:46:44,500 --> 00:46:47,790
I get nervous and
my brain goes places
980
00:46:47,791 --> 00:46:51,833
that make everything seem
wonderful and perfect.
981
00:46:52,375 --> 00:46:55,290
Except for this one. This
one was off the rails.
982
00:46:55,291 --> 00:46:56,707
I'm no therapist,
983
00:46:56,708 --> 00:46:59,374
but I do, like, listen
to bald guys with boners
984
00:46:59,375 --> 00:47:01,291
talk about their
wives for a living.
985
00:47:02,041 --> 00:47:06,083
But it sounds to me like maybe
you're protecting yourself.
986
00:47:07,166 --> 00:47:08,291
I guess.
987
00:47:08,875 --> 00:47:09,915
It kinda sucks though
988
00:47:09,916 --> 00:47:12,666
'cause then I miss what's
actually happening.
989
00:47:13,125 --> 00:47:15,665
Well, maybe if you were more
confident in your reality,
990
00:47:15,666 --> 00:47:18,166
you'd stop fantasizing, right?
991
00:47:18,833 --> 00:47:21,040
In the meantime, I don't
know, pinch your thigh
992
00:47:21,041 --> 00:47:23,333
when you go to "too
good to be true" land.
993
00:47:25,083 --> 00:47:26,582
That's a good tip.
994
00:47:26,583 --> 00:47:30,333
Ooh! Okay, suit.
995
00:47:33,041 --> 00:47:34,583
Okay, wait, this is kinda chic.
996
00:47:35,208 --> 00:47:37,457
You look like
someone named Judy.
997
00:47:37,458 --> 00:47:40,040
Hi, I'm Judy, and
I'm taking away your kids
998
00:47:40,041 --> 00:47:41,540
'cause you have a pill problem.
999
00:47:42,791 --> 00:47:44,207
Oh, you should wear
that to your reunion.
1000
00:47:44,208 --> 00:47:46,249
Yeah, I'm not going to that.
1001
00:47:46,250 --> 00:47:48,165
How come? You should.
1002
00:47:48,166 --> 00:47:50,416
If I were as cool as
you, I'd totally go.
1003
00:47:51,250 --> 00:47:52,416
Dork.
1004
00:47:52,916 --> 00:47:55,832
Okay, there's no
way around this.
1005
00:47:55,833 --> 00:47:58,749
These clothes are ass
and mine are amazing.
1006
00:47:58,750 --> 00:48:02,124
So I think you need to borrow some
of mine for that party on Saturday.
1007
00:48:02,125 --> 00:48:05,083
There was definitely a
nicer way of saying that.
1008
00:48:05,666 --> 00:48:06,750
Bye.
1009
00:48:07,583 --> 00:48:08,583
Hey.
1010
00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:11,166
Buzz off.
1011
00:48:11,833 --> 00:48:12,874
Stupid.
1012
00:48:21,333 --> 00:48:23,457
You're really killing my vi...
1013
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:28,415
Hi.
1014
00:48:28,416 --> 00:48:30,374
Uh, I'm Lily Rose.
1015
00:48:30,375 --> 00:48:32,333
Your mom told me to drop by.
1016
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:34,125
Of course you are.
1017
00:48:35,750 --> 00:48:36,749
Do come in.
1018
00:48:38,083 --> 00:48:39,250
I'm okay.
1019
00:48:44,833 --> 00:48:47,207
♪ So I heard the bad news ♪
1020
00:48:48,708 --> 00:48:50,749
♪ Nobody likes me ♪
1021
00:48:50,750 --> 00:48:55,249
♪ And I'm gonna die
alone in my bedroom ♪
1022
00:48:55,250 --> 00:48:56,707
- Word!
- Yes, bitch.
1023
00:48:56,708 --> 00:49:00,832
♪ Lookin' at strangers
on my telephone ♪
1024
00:49:00,833 --> 00:49:02,707
♪ Well, what do you know ♪
1025
00:49:02,708 --> 00:49:03,916
What's happening?
1026
00:49:04,541 --> 00:49:08,874
♪ Wouldn't you like if I
believed those words? ♪
1027
00:49:08,875 --> 00:49:10,374
♪ If I'm born to lose ♪
1028
00:49:10,375 --> 00:49:12,249
You know we're not supposed
to be in here after hours?
1029
00:49:12,250 --> 00:49:13,540
Oh, my God.
1030
00:49:13,541 --> 00:49:14,749
♪ Myself in the mirror ♪
1031
00:49:14,750 --> 00:49:17,000
♪ Saying don't leave me now... ♪
1032
00:49:17,333 --> 00:49:18,374
Do guys fake it?
1033
00:49:18,375 --> 00:49:21,332
Not with me... or
ever, probably.
1034
00:49:21,333 --> 00:49:22,832
What do you do with the balls?
1035
00:49:22,833 --> 00:49:24,415
Treat 'em like a bug bite.
1036
00:49:24,416 --> 00:49:26,374
You know it's there but
you try and ignore it.
1037
00:49:26,375 --> 00:49:27,624
Is the G-spot real?
1038
00:49:27,625 --> 00:49:28,957
Oh, yeah.
1039
00:49:28,958 --> 00:49:31,082
Hook in and you'll find it.
1040
00:49:31,083 --> 00:49:32,790
Nice.
Is the H-spot real?
1041
00:49:32,791 --> 00:49:34,707
Absolutely not,
you made that up.
1042
00:49:34,708 --> 00:49:36,625
How do you eat with the mask on?
1043
00:49:37,250 --> 00:49:39,610
There's a hole under the snout.
1044
00:49:47,666 --> 00:49:49,790
DJ Don! DJ Don!
1045
00:49:49,791 --> 00:49:51,500
♪ So, here's the bad news ♪
1046
00:49:52,708 --> 00:49:55,124
♪ I'm coming for everyone ♪
1047
00:49:55,125 --> 00:49:57,124
♪ And coming on strong... ♪
1048
00:49:57,125 --> 00:49:58,208
Hi, Max.
1049
00:50:01,625 --> 00:50:02,625
Any questions?
1050
00:50:03,166 --> 00:50:05,124
- No, I think I got it.
- Okay.
1051
00:50:05,125 --> 00:50:06,624
Now be careful.
1052
00:50:06,625 --> 00:50:08,208
He's rock hard.
1053
00:50:09,125 --> 00:50:11,040
Ohh!
1054
00:50:11,041 --> 00:50:13,624
Yeah, don't do that to Max.
1055
00:50:15,166 --> 00:50:17,041
Hey, does this feel
like the right spot?
1056
00:50:17,541 --> 00:50:21,000
Uh, lower. A
little to the left.
1057
00:50:22,458 --> 00:50:24,333
- Yeah, it feels good.
- Cool.
1058
00:50:26,208 --> 00:50:27,249
Wait, are we watching a movie?
1059
00:50:27,250 --> 00:50:29,249
No, I don't have time to
watch a whole movie with you.
1060
00:50:29,250 --> 00:50:30,499
But I have to watch it?
1061
00:50:30,500 --> 00:50:33,249
Risky Business was
my sexual awakening.
1062
00:50:33,250 --> 00:50:35,624
I mean, come on, Tom Cruise
and the men's button-down
1063
00:50:35,625 --> 00:50:37,290
and the tighty-whities
and socks?
1064
00:50:37,291 --> 00:50:38,374
Wait, where were his pants?
1065
00:50:38,375 --> 00:50:39,458
Who gives a shit?
1066
00:50:40,416 --> 00:50:41,665
"Who gives a shit."
1067
00:50:41,666 --> 00:50:43,833
Hey, you
can't be in here!
1068
00:50:44,875 --> 00:50:48,832
Alright, rule of thumb,
if you're a good dancer,
1069
00:50:48,833 --> 00:50:50,749
- you're good in bed.
- Amen.
1070
00:50:50,750 --> 00:50:52,625
Trust me, I'm a great dancer.
1071
00:50:54,458 --> 00:50:56,457
I-I'm just not into
dancing in public.
1072
00:50:56,458 --> 00:50:58,332
- Do the "Macarena."
- It's a safe space.
1073
00:50:58,333 --> 00:50:59,415
- Yeah.
- Come on,
1074
00:50:59,416 --> 00:51:00,749
who made up that
stupid rule anyway?
1075
00:51:00,750 --> 00:51:01,999
The same person that said,
1076
00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:03,624
"You know what a
woman's bush looks like
1077
00:51:03,625 --> 00:51:05,582
by the way she takes
care of her nails."
1078
00:51:05,583 --> 00:51:06,832
- That is true.
- Preach.
1079
00:51:06,833 --> 00:51:07,915
- Ooh.
- Oh, you got...
1080
00:51:07,916 --> 00:51:09,624
- You got a little girl...
- Let me see that.
1081
00:51:09,625 --> 00:51:12,249
Oh, no! Get away from
me. Get away from me!
1082
00:51:12,250 --> 00:51:15,624
Abby, just to be clear,
pubes friggin' rule, girl.
1083
00:51:15,625 --> 00:51:17,457
- No. No, no, no!
- Let me see those nails!
1084
00:51:17,458 --> 00:51:18,916
My girls.
1085
00:51:21,708 --> 00:51:23,624
Ow!
1086
00:51:23,625 --> 00:51:25,665
What the fuck?!
1087
00:51:25,666 --> 00:51:29,499
♪ So iconic, like
big, like stan, like ♪
1088
00:51:29,500 --> 00:51:32,832
♪ I would give my life
just to hold your hand ♪
1089
00:51:32,833 --> 00:51:34,749
♪ I'm your number one fan ♪
1090
00:51:34,750 --> 00:51:37,665
♪ I'm your number
one, number one fan ♪
1091
00:51:37,666 --> 00:51:40,165
♪ Oh, my God, like, I'm
your number one fan ♪
1092
00:51:40,166 --> 00:51:41,374
- Hi.
- Hey.
1093
00:51:41,375 --> 00:51:44,874
♪ So iconic, like
big, like stan, like ♪
1094
00:51:44,875 --> 00:51:46,332
♪ I would give my life ♪
1095
00:51:46,333 --> 00:51:48,374
♪ Just to hold your hand ♪
1096
00:51:48,375 --> 00:51:50,374
♪I'm your number one fan ♪
1097
00:51:50,375 --> 00:51:53,457
♪ I'm your
number one, number one fan ♪
1098
00:51:53,458 --> 00:51:58,624
♪ Oh, my God, like,
I'm your number one ♪
1099
00:51:58,625 --> 00:52:00,499
♪ Number one fan ♪
1100
00:52:00,500 --> 00:52:01,749
Hmm.
1101
00:52:05,458 --> 00:52:07,499
♪ Number one, number one ♪
1102
00:52:10,541 --> 00:52:12,957
1-800-Damn!
1103
00:52:12,958 --> 00:52:15,999
Okay, little skirt moment.
1104
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:17,915
Is that why you
called me over here?
1105
00:52:17,916 --> 00:52:20,832
Um, I just thought
we should celebrate.
1106
00:52:20,833 --> 00:52:22,541
What?
1107
00:52:29,750 --> 00:52:32,333
You've had this the whole time?!
1108
00:52:32,916 --> 00:52:34,540
Um, well, yeah.
1109
00:52:34,541 --> 00:52:36,791
Girl, let's fuckin' party.
1110
00:52:37,375 --> 00:52:39,832
Oh, I thought we could
just drive the car.
1111
00:52:39,833 --> 00:52:42,541
Yeah, that's...
that's what I meant.
1112
00:52:43,416 --> 00:52:44,666
Oh, cool.
1113
00:52:47,750 --> 00:52:49,374
Hey,
check this out.
1114
00:52:49,375 --> 00:52:51,124
Sixty-nine!
1115
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:14,999
No!
1116
00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:18,332
You were cool for,
like, 15 whole seconds.
1117
00:53:18,333 --> 00:53:20,082
Wild Wild Dead is
coming out today.
1118
00:53:20,083 --> 00:53:22,541
They're doing a physical release
before it comes out online.
1119
00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:28,040
Come on.
1120
00:53:28,041 --> 00:53:29,832
- No.
- Yes, come on.
1121
00:53:29,833 --> 00:53:31,250
No.
1122
00:53:31,625 --> 00:53:32,791
Come on.
1123
00:53:33,458 --> 00:53:34,791
- Ugh.
- Oh, my God.
1124
00:53:35,291 --> 00:53:39,415
- Two hours for a fucking video game?
- Come on, we're almost there.
1125
00:53:39,416 --> 00:53:40,500
Next zombie.
1126
00:53:42,333 --> 00:53:44,665
No wonder you didn't
know anything about sex.
1127
00:53:44,666 --> 00:53:46,957
Look at the crowd you run in.
1128
00:53:46,958 --> 00:53:48,958
What were you like
in high school?
1129
00:53:49,500 --> 00:53:50,666
Pretty.
1130
00:53:51,125 --> 00:53:52,415
And?
1131
00:53:52,416 --> 00:53:54,083
And really pretty.
1132
00:53:54,958 --> 00:53:57,750
Super attractive, gorgeous, hot.
1133
00:53:58,666 --> 00:54:00,665
Girls hated me, guys
jacked off to me.
1134
00:54:00,666 --> 00:54:02,708
So, I didn't really
hang out with anyone.
1135
00:54:03,291 --> 00:54:04,707
You were a loner?
1136
00:54:04,708 --> 00:54:05,832
Like me.
1137
00:54:05,833 --> 00:54:08,707
Well, a little different.
1138
00:54:08,708 --> 00:54:10,125
- How so?
- Next zombie.
1139
00:54:14,416 --> 00:54:16,624
Would you like a free Wild
Wild Dead zombie costume?
1140
00:54:16,625 --> 00:54:18,791
- Yes, please.
- Fuck, no.
1141
00:54:19,083 --> 00:54:20,499
Okay, I can only give
one per customer.
1142
00:54:20,500 --> 00:54:22,958
- Oh, I'm good, thanks.
- Okay.
1143
00:54:25,416 --> 00:54:28,415
Oh, shit. Ugh. I totally forgot.
1144
00:54:28,416 --> 00:54:29,707
Thank you.
1145
00:54:29,708 --> 00:54:31,000
- Thanks.
- Bye.
1146
00:54:31,708 --> 00:54:32,916
Next zombie.
1147
00:54:35,625 --> 00:54:37,000
Hey, what's wrong?
1148
00:54:37,291 --> 00:54:39,332
I had Betty book me on any
house calls that came in.
1149
00:54:39,333 --> 00:54:40,875
I forgot I had one tonight.
1150
00:54:41,958 --> 00:54:43,374
Fuck, I'm screwed.
1151
00:54:43,375 --> 00:54:45,575
I can drive you. I can take you.
1152
00:54:45,625 --> 00:54:47,250
No, no.
1153
00:54:50,625 --> 00:54:51,958
You sure?
1154
00:54:55,791 --> 00:54:57,083
I got you. Get in.
1155
00:55:03,416 --> 00:55:04,749
- Is this it?
- Yeah.
1156
00:55:07,083 --> 00:55:08,957
I don't think you
should go in there.
1157
00:55:08,958 --> 00:55:11,125
Okay. Well, I don't
really have a choice.
1158
00:55:12,291 --> 00:55:13,915
Okay, look, it's clearly shady,
1159
00:55:13,916 --> 00:55:16,208
so just don't get
outta the car, okay?
1160
00:55:16,958 --> 00:55:18,875
- It's, it's real creep...
- Don't worry.
1161
00:55:20,458 --> 00:55:21,583
I'll be fine.
1162
00:55:23,166 --> 00:55:24,333
I'll be fine.
1163
00:55:36,916 --> 00:55:38,582
♪ We may love too soon ♪
1164
00:55:38,583 --> 00:55:40,375
This shit is kicking in.
1165
00:55:43,333 --> 00:55:46,249
- ♪ We may love too soon ♪
- Fuck it.
1166
00:55:49,166 --> 00:55:51,124
I had never had
this feeling before.
1167
00:55:52,208 --> 00:55:54,290
I was nervous, like I always am,
1168
00:55:54,291 --> 00:55:56,665
but this time, for Santa Monica.
1169
00:56:03,958 --> 00:56:05,707
Okay, don't touch me.
1170
00:56:05,708 --> 00:56:07,333
♪ Kinda shame ♪
1171
00:56:09,916 --> 00:56:11,250
- You want some?
- No.
1172
00:56:11,541 --> 00:56:12,999
Don't give
the hooker our blow.
1173
00:56:13,000 --> 00:56:14,583
I'm not a fucking hooker.
1174
00:56:15,416 --> 00:56:16,999
You're whatever we say you are.
1175
00:56:23,291 --> 00:56:24,374
Come see my room.
1176
00:56:24,375 --> 00:56:25,749
- Okay. Alright.
- Come on.
1177
00:56:25,750 --> 00:56:27,540
- Fuck this!
- Aw, come on.
1178
00:56:27,541 --> 00:56:28,749
Come back.
1179
00:56:28,750 --> 00:56:30,458
We're just fuckin' around.
1180
00:56:35,375 --> 00:56:36,916
Alright, go! Go, go.
1181
00:56:38,041 --> 00:56:40,208
Fuck! Fuck.
1182
00:56:40,958 --> 00:56:41,958
Shit.
1183
00:56:43,833 --> 00:56:44,916
Abby?
1184
00:56:45,833 --> 00:56:47,082
Abby?
1185
00:56:52,541 --> 00:56:54,415
We need
more fucking coke.
1186
00:56:54,416 --> 00:56:56,500
♪ Problems are left to know ♪
1187
00:56:59,125 --> 00:57:02,249
♪ Weekenders all night long ♪
1188
00:57:02,250 --> 00:57:03,332
Fuck!
1189
00:57:03,333 --> 00:57:05,416
♪ It's such fun ♪
1190
00:57:11,041 --> 00:57:12,165
Abby!
1191
00:57:16,375 --> 00:57:17,457
Oh, shit!
1192
00:57:17,458 --> 00:57:19,058
I shouldn't have taken
that second pill.
1193
00:57:19,291 --> 00:57:22,083
- Run!
- Oh.
1194
00:57:22,500 --> 00:57:24,124
- Okay, let's go.
- Go, go!
1195
00:57:24,125 --> 00:57:25,207
That fuckin' bitch!
1196
00:57:27,291 --> 00:57:32,540
♪ Oh, it's such a perfect day ♪
1197
00:57:32,541 --> 00:57:37,625
♪ I'm glad I spent it with you ♪
1198
00:57:38,208 --> 00:57:41,332
♪ Oh, such a perfect day ♪
1199
00:57:41,333 --> 00:57:46,332
♪ You just keep me hangin' on ♪
1200
00:57:46,333 --> 00:57:51,874
♪ You just keep
me hangin' on ♪
1201
00:58:04,250 --> 00:58:07,291
Fuck you!
1202
00:58:11,291 --> 00:58:13,124
I can't believe you
did that for me.
1203
00:58:13,125 --> 00:58:15,332
I mean, no one have ever...
1204
00:58:15,333 --> 00:58:16,707
Dressed like a zombie for you?
1205
00:58:16,708 --> 00:58:18,457
Don't deflect.
1206
00:58:18,458 --> 00:58:20,583
That was very badass
what you did back there.
1207
00:58:22,750 --> 00:58:23,957
Thanks.
1208
00:58:23,958 --> 00:58:25,665
Hey, earlier you said
we were celebrating.
1209
00:58:25,666 --> 00:58:26,790
What are we celebrating?
1210
00:58:26,791 --> 00:58:28,290
The loss of half
of your pubic hair?
1211
00:58:28,291 --> 00:58:31,707
Uh, no. Um, it's my birthday.
1212
00:58:31,708 --> 00:58:32,791
No shit.
1213
00:58:33,833 --> 00:58:35,165
Dude, happy birthday.
1214
00:58:35,166 --> 00:58:36,249
Thanks.
1215
00:58:36,250 --> 00:58:37,457
- I have to pee.
- It was a weird...
1216
00:58:37,458 --> 00:58:39,333
Oh, okay. Yeah.
1217
00:58:45,750 --> 00:58:47,749
Maybe it was
because of Santa Monica,
1218
00:58:47,750 --> 00:58:50,207
but people started
looking at me differently.
1219
00:58:50,208 --> 00:58:51,583
It felt kinda cool.
1220
00:58:57,125 --> 00:59:01,500
♪Happy birthday to you ♪
1221
00:59:02,083 --> 00:59:06,166
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
1222
00:59:06,791 --> 00:59:12,333
♪ Happy birthday, dear Abby ♪
1223
00:59:12,791 --> 00:59:16,665
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
1224
00:59:16,666 --> 00:59:20,208
Yay!
1225
00:59:21,541 --> 00:59:24,375
Make a wish! I
wonder what it is.
1226
00:59:33,333 --> 00:59:35,000
Happy birthday, Abby.
1227
00:59:50,166 --> 00:59:52,790
Well, that was kind of
fun, in, like, a weird way.
1228
00:59:52,791 --> 00:59:53,875
Mm.
1229
00:59:54,833 --> 00:59:55,833
Oh, hey, Santi?
1230
00:59:56,791 --> 00:59:59,332
Um, I... I don't wanna overstep.
1231
00:59:59,333 --> 01:00:01,208
I know it's your job but...
1232
01:00:02,041 --> 01:00:03,999
I don't know, those guys
tonight were really scary.
1233
01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:06,166
I just don't think you
should be doing that anymore.
1234
01:00:07,458 --> 01:00:10,083
Okay, well, thanks to
you that was my last one.
1235
01:00:11,083 --> 01:00:12,458
Me? Why me?
1236
01:00:13,208 --> 01:00:17,041
I'm using the 20,000 you're
paying me to buy Diamond Dolls.
1237
01:00:18,541 --> 01:00:21,290
Betty was gonna lose the club if
we didn't raise money in time.
1238
01:00:21,291 --> 01:00:25,375
And... honestly it's always
been my dream to own it.
1239
01:00:26,625 --> 01:00:28,790
Anyway, this jerk was
gonna take it over.
1240
01:00:28,791 --> 01:00:30,832
But because if you, I
get to save the club
1241
01:00:30,833 --> 01:00:32,500
and my work family.
1242
01:00:35,125 --> 01:00:38,165
You know, I wasn't gonna go
to my high school reunion
1243
01:00:38,166 --> 01:00:41,332
'cause I hadn't done
anything with my life.
1244
01:00:41,333 --> 01:00:44,040
But now I get to go back
as a business owner.
1245
01:00:44,041 --> 01:00:46,750
And I'm sorry, like a
fuckin' hot one at that.
1246
01:00:49,083 --> 01:00:50,332
What?
1247
01:00:50,333 --> 01:00:52,124
Sorry. Um...
1248
01:00:52,125 --> 01:00:55,290
You've just... never talked
about your personal life.
1249
01:00:55,291 --> 01:00:58,125
Well, money talks. And I'm
getting mine on Saturday.
1250
01:01:02,083 --> 01:01:05,083
Hey, tomorrow's your
last day of high school.
1251
01:01:05,875 --> 01:01:08,083
I think it's okay to
flirt a little with Max.
1252
01:01:08,875 --> 01:01:10,750
- Max.
- Go for it.
1253
01:01:11,375 --> 01:01:12,375
Call me.
1254
01:01:20,208 --> 01:01:22,749
That night I
didn't sleep at all.
1255
01:01:22,750 --> 01:01:26,082
I had finally started to
get close to Santa Monica.
1256
01:01:26,083 --> 01:01:27,583
There was only one problem.
1257
01:01:29,750 --> 01:01:31,208
I didn't have the money.
1258
01:01:34,125 --> 01:01:35,499
I was selfish and stupid
1259
01:01:35,500 --> 01:01:38,499
and shouldn't have been
canceling games all week.
1260
01:01:38,500 --> 01:01:40,832
I really thought
I had more time.
1261
01:01:40,833 --> 01:01:44,249
I needed to focus on
getting the money, and fast.
1262
01:01:44,250 --> 01:01:46,540
Nothing would break
my concentration.
1263
01:01:46,541 --> 01:01:48,666
- Hey, Cherry Worms.
- Hey, Max.
1264
01:01:49,375 --> 01:01:52,083
Oh. Hi, Max.
1265
01:01:52,875 --> 01:01:55,165
Uh, so I'm having some people
over to my place tomorrow night.
1266
01:01:55,166 --> 01:01:56,250
You gonna make it?
1267
01:01:56,875 --> 01:01:57,958
Uh, I...
1268
01:01:59,291 --> 01:02:00,665
Ye... Yes. Yes.
1269
01:02:00,666 --> 01:02:02,665
I am physically able
to make a party.
1270
01:02:02,666 --> 01:02:04,291
I think I can make it.
1271
01:02:04,916 --> 01:02:06,333
Nice. Well, I hope you come.
1272
01:02:07,291 --> 01:02:09,041
Uh, great, I hope you come, too.
1273
01:02:09,875 --> 01:02:11,707
Yeah, yeah, I'll be
there. I live there, so...
1274
01:02:11,708 --> 01:02:13,750
- Oh. Convenient.
- Yeah, yeah.
1275
01:02:14,375 --> 01:02:15,750
Okay.
1276
01:02:17,500 --> 01:02:19,875
- Bye.
- Bye.
1277
01:02:39,916 --> 01:02:42,999
Hi,
anak. How was your birthday?
1278
01:02:43,000 --> 01:02:44,540
Did Lily Rose stop by?
1279
01:02:44,541 --> 01:02:46,457
I really want you to
make a friend, mahal.
1280
01:02:46,458 --> 01:02:48,207
Uh, I... I don't really
have time to talk right now.
1281
01:02:48,208 --> 01:02:50,958
I just wanted to, uh,
throw an idea your way.
1282
01:02:51,666 --> 01:02:52,874
Oh, okay.
1283
01:02:52,875 --> 01:02:56,540
Um, what if no college?
1284
01:02:56,541 --> 01:02:58,374
Oh, here
comes your father.
1285
01:02:58,375 --> 01:02:59,665
Abigail, I don't get the joke.
1286
01:02:59,666 --> 01:03:00,999
And we're unboxing
a Squatty Potty.
1287
01:03:01,000 --> 01:03:02,374
Are you in some sort of trouble?
1288
01:03:02,375 --> 01:03:03,582
No, no, not at all.
1289
01:03:03,583 --> 01:03:08,583
I just, um... I wanted to, uh...
1290
01:03:09,625 --> 01:03:13,790
ask if there was any extra cash
lying around the house for pizza.
1291
01:03:13,791 --> 01:03:16,415
Oh, there's
frozen pizza in the freezer.
1292
01:03:16,416 --> 01:03:17,999
Eat now, okay?
1293
01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:19,333
Before you get hungry.
1294
01:03:19,750 --> 01:03:20,999
Wave to Grandma.
1295
01:03:21,000 --> 01:03:22,624
- I'm tired.- Okay, okay.
1296
01:03:22,625 --> 01:03:24,375
Call you back.
1297
01:03:26,791 --> 01:03:28,790
Ooh... Yeah, no.
1298
01:03:28,791 --> 01:03:31,207
My dad taught me not to
loan money to anyone.
1299
01:03:31,208 --> 01:03:34,833
What's crazy is my dad just lost his
job and now he needs a loan from me.
1300
01:03:35,500 --> 01:03:36,666
The irony.
1301
01:03:37,333 --> 01:03:38,666
Thanks anyway.
1302
01:03:40,416 --> 01:03:42,249
Again? I didn't
even get any info.
1303
01:03:42,250 --> 01:03:44,666
Girl, I
charge by appointment.
1304
01:03:45,166 --> 01:03:46,375
Come on.
1305
01:03:50,083 --> 01:03:53,915
Oh, wow, uh,
it looks like I lost
1306
01:03:53,916 --> 01:03:56,333
quite a few subscribers.
1307
01:03:56,916 --> 01:04:01,332
Okay, well, coming on to
Glitch to give all... 38 of you
1308
01:04:01,333 --> 01:04:02,832
an exclusive offer.
1309
01:04:02,833 --> 01:04:04,499
If you donate a hundred bucks,
1310
01:04:04,500 --> 01:04:10,041
I'll give away private game
sessions to the first 150 people.
1311
01:04:13,583 --> 01:04:15,749
Okay, I am not thirsty.
1312
01:04:15,750 --> 01:04:17,082
I am just...
1313
01:04:17,083 --> 01:04:18,458
And they're gone.
1314
01:04:35,958 --> 01:04:37,666
Fuck you, wall art.
1315
01:05:02,041 --> 01:05:03,041
Hello?
1316
01:05:05,333 --> 01:05:06,541
Santi?
1317
01:05:09,625 --> 01:05:10,915
Hello.
1318
01:05:16,875 --> 01:05:18,374
♪ Just take those old records ♪
1319
01:05:18,375 --> 01:05:19,815
♪ Off the shelf ♪
1320
01:05:20,500 --> 01:05:21,915
What are you doing?
1321
01:05:21,916 --> 01:05:23,624
You mean what are we doing?
1322
01:05:23,625 --> 01:05:26,041
We're watching Risky Business.
1323
01:05:27,041 --> 01:05:29,957
Is this part of Risky Business?
1324
01:05:29,958 --> 01:05:32,457
It's the most iconic part.
1325
01:05:32,458 --> 01:05:34,500
Okay.
1326
01:05:35,000 --> 01:05:36,666
It's official,
we're watching it.
1327
01:05:37,375 --> 01:05:39,582
You have no idea how long
I was waiting back there.
1328
01:05:39,583 --> 01:05:41,458
Hours.
1329
01:05:42,208 --> 01:05:44,624
Okay, now these are
the opening credits.
1330
01:05:44,625 --> 01:05:46,290
These are the actors,
1331
01:05:46,291 --> 01:05:48,082
but they're not gonna
be playing themselves.
1332
01:05:48,083 --> 01:05:50,415
Just, you know...
They're in the movie.
1333
01:05:50,416 --> 01:05:52,958
Are you just explaining
what a movie is to me?
1334
01:05:53,791 --> 01:05:54,790
No.
1335
01:05:54,791 --> 01:05:56,540
Are you gonna be
talking the whole time?
1336
01:05:56,541 --> 01:05:58,249
Here comes the dance I
was doing.
1337
01:05:58,250 --> 01:05:59,582
That one.
1338
01:05:59,583 --> 01:06:01,832
I still don't get why he
doesn't have pants on.
1339
01:06:01,833 --> 01:06:03,290
'Cause it's cool.
1340
01:06:03,291 --> 01:06:05,540
It's cool to not wear pants.
1341
01:06:05,541 --> 01:06:07,665
What, so like,
Winnie-the-Pooh is cool now?
1342
01:06:07,666 --> 01:06:09,540
Wait, I have
to pause 'cause I have to pee.
1343
01:06:09,541 --> 01:06:11,000
- Okay.
- Just kidding.
1344
01:06:12,000 --> 01:06:13,000
Oh.
1345
01:06:13,875 --> 01:06:15,082
I think it's really messed up
1346
01:06:15,083 --> 01:06:17,249
when your people are watching
movies and then it's like,
1347
01:06:17,250 --> 01:06:19,291
"Oh, pause, let me
go to the bathroom."
1348
01:06:19,625 --> 01:06:21,415
It's like, "Oh, so you
just like rule the movie?"
1349
01:06:35,458 --> 01:06:37,000
What'd you think?
1350
01:06:37,458 --> 01:06:39,457
Pretty
good movie, right?
1351
01:06:39,458 --> 01:06:41,832
In terms of teenage
brothel movies,
1352
01:06:41,833 --> 01:06:43,250
I'll give it two thumbs up.
1353
01:06:43,791 --> 01:06:44,916
Okay.
1354
01:06:45,375 --> 01:06:46,708
I have something to show you.
1355
01:06:48,041 --> 01:06:50,124
♪ Come over here ♪
1356
01:06:50,125 --> 01:06:51,249
Come on.
1357
01:06:51,250 --> 01:06:53,082
- Oh, I'm following you.
- Yeah.
1358
01:06:53,083 --> 01:06:54,750
Check this out.
1359
01:06:59,416 --> 01:07:00,832
I'm renaming the club.
1360
01:07:03,666 --> 01:07:05,207
- Cool.
- Oh.
1361
01:07:05,208 --> 01:07:06,833
And I bought you a
little something.
1362
01:07:11,000 --> 01:07:12,332
I don't deserve it.
1363
01:07:12,333 --> 01:07:14,291
I thought it would be
great for tomorrow night.
1364
01:07:17,208 --> 01:07:19,207
- It's perfect.
- Really?
1365
01:07:19,208 --> 01:07:21,291
- Yeah.
- Okay.
1366
01:07:23,625 --> 01:07:26,333
Oh, um, I got you something
too, but I didn't buy it.
1367
01:07:26,916 --> 01:07:29,636
Okay, well, it better not be like
a friendship bracelet or some shit.
1368
01:07:30,958 --> 01:07:32,207
Don't open it yet.
1369
01:07:32,208 --> 01:07:33,458
Okay.
1370
01:07:35,166 --> 01:07:36,958
Um...
1371
01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:41,124
I actually have to talk
to you about something.
1372
01:07:41,125 --> 01:07:42,957
Wait, it's Friday.
1373
01:07:42,958 --> 01:07:44,318
Today was your
last day of school.
1374
01:07:44,708 --> 01:07:45,915
- Yeah.
- Uh...
1375
01:07:45,916 --> 01:07:47,540
Shouldn't you be
out getting wasted
1376
01:07:47,541 --> 01:07:50,250
instead of watching '80s
movies with an older...
1377
01:07:50,833 --> 01:07:54,291
but still younger... girl?
1378
01:07:58,083 --> 01:08:01,333
Um, can I ask you something?
1379
01:08:02,625 --> 01:08:03,749
Yeah.
1380
01:08:03,750 --> 01:08:06,165
What do you think is
actually gonna happen
1381
01:08:06,166 --> 01:08:08,041
if you get to 69 Max?
1382
01:08:08,708 --> 01:08:10,291
- Like after?
- Yeah.
1383
01:08:11,333 --> 01:08:13,082
I don't know, I guess
1384
01:08:13,083 --> 01:08:15,375
it'd be great if he
became my boyfriend.
1385
01:08:15,875 --> 01:08:19,665
Like... it'd be
nice to have someone
1386
01:08:19,666 --> 01:08:21,582
to hang out with me.
1387
01:08:21,583 --> 01:08:23,457
Like, we'd have inside jokes
1388
01:08:23,458 --> 01:08:28,165
and watch movies,
braid each other's hair
1389
01:08:28,166 --> 01:08:30,540
and we could tell
each other secrets
1390
01:08:30,541 --> 01:08:32,207
and it wouldn't be
embarrassing or anything
1391
01:08:32,208 --> 01:08:35,166
because we love each other
unconditionally, you know?
1392
01:08:35,833 --> 01:08:37,499
Um...
1393
01:08:37,500 --> 01:08:42,166
That sounds like
you want a friend.
1394
01:08:42,458 --> 01:08:44,541
What? What do you mean?
1395
01:08:45,458 --> 01:08:48,791
Abby, I hate to do this
before your big night...
1396
01:08:50,333 --> 01:08:52,375
but you're not ready.
1397
01:08:53,708 --> 01:08:55,333
I don't understand.
1398
01:08:56,458 --> 01:08:59,875
I don't think you're
ready to 69 Max.
1399
01:09:01,250 --> 01:09:03,665
I promise you, I promise
you, you have time,
1400
01:09:03,666 --> 01:09:07,165
but for now, you're still a kid.
1401
01:09:07,166 --> 01:09:08,541
I am not.
1402
01:09:09,416 --> 01:09:11,832
Come on,
you thought rim jobs
1403
01:09:11,833 --> 01:09:13,832
were like boob-related foreplay.
1404
01:09:13,833 --> 01:09:15,749
Okay, so I didn't
know some things.
1405
01:09:15,750 --> 01:09:17,790
I... I didn't realize that
you'd hold that against me.
1406
01:09:17,791 --> 01:09:20,291
I'm not. I'm... I'm sorry, I...
1407
01:09:21,541 --> 01:09:23,250
I'm just trying to
be honest with you.
1408
01:09:23,833 --> 01:09:25,041
You don't care.
1409
01:09:26,250 --> 01:09:28,458
All you've ever cared
about was the money.
1410
01:09:28,875 --> 01:09:31,915
I'm never gonna hear from you again the
second that you get your hands on it.
1411
01:09:32,375 --> 01:09:33,457
That is not true.
1412
01:09:33,458 --> 01:09:35,291
Let's find out, shall we?
1413
01:09:36,791 --> 01:09:38,831
- Wait, what do you mean?
- I don't have your money!
1414
01:09:45,083 --> 01:09:46,166
Uh...
1415
01:09:47,333 --> 01:09:48,625
I... I don't.
1416
01:09:49,416 --> 01:09:50,957
I... I have what I
gave you already.
1417
01:09:50,958 --> 01:09:53,916
I don't have your $20,000.
1418
01:09:56,500 --> 01:09:57,750
I'm so sorry.
1419
01:10:00,208 --> 01:10:01,416
You're sorry?
1420
01:10:06,500 --> 01:10:09,833
I have to tell Betty I
don't have the money.
1421
01:10:11,291 --> 01:10:15,165
I have to then tell the women I
work with they're out of a job,
1422
01:10:15,166 --> 01:10:18,166
or worse, working for a
fucking psycho-pervert.
1423
01:10:18,583 --> 01:10:21,540
This isn't like a
video game, okay?
1424
01:10:21,541 --> 01:10:23,750
This is my real fucking life.
1425
01:10:25,750 --> 01:10:26,749
I'm s...
1426
01:10:26,750 --> 01:10:27,916
I feel awful.
1427
01:10:28,916 --> 01:10:31,083
Geez. What was the plan, Abby?
1428
01:10:31,541 --> 01:10:34,833
I-I-I-I figured that I could
get it to you over time.
1429
01:10:35,291 --> 01:10:37,457
I mean, do you know how much
of my time you've wasted
1430
01:10:37,458 --> 01:10:40,041
pretending to be something
you're never gonna be?
1431
01:10:43,583 --> 01:10:45,708
- Abby...
- Well, you're one to talk.
1432
01:10:47,791 --> 01:10:51,082
You spend all this time
teaching me about confidence...
1433
01:10:51,083 --> 01:10:53,791
confidence that you
don't even have yourself!
1434
01:10:54,916 --> 01:10:57,708
Hiding from your own
classmate, really?
1435
01:10:58,416 --> 01:11:01,915
I bet... I bet you anything
that you're gonna use this
1436
01:11:01,916 --> 01:11:03,833
to not go to your own reunion.
1437
01:11:05,583 --> 01:11:07,540
You wanna bet 20-fucking-grand?
1438
01:11:07,541 --> 01:11:10,125
'Cause I could really use that about now.
1439
01:11:10,875 --> 01:11:13,582
Good luck pretending you know
anything about sex tomorrow.
1440
01:11:13,583 --> 01:11:15,040
Oh, I'm gonna be just fine.
1441
01:11:15,041 --> 01:11:16,875
I'm a goddamn sex machine.
1442
01:11:23,125 --> 01:11:25,124
♪ For the nights with
the words in my mouth ♪
1443
01:11:25,125 --> 01:11:28,999
♪ Something’s underwater,
moving into color ♪
1444
01:11:29,000 --> 01:11:30,499
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
1445
01:11:47,666 --> 01:11:48,666
What?
1446
01:11:49,375 --> 01:11:50,374
No!
1447
01:11:50,375 --> 01:11:51,750
Ugh!
1448
01:11:54,375 --> 01:11:55,790
♪ Oh... ♪
1449
01:11:55,791 --> 01:11:58,583
Ow! Damn it!
1450
01:11:59,125 --> 01:12:03,040
♪ Think that was the
medicine and I felt better ♪
1451
01:12:03,041 --> 01:12:07,583
♪ Oh, now you're floating
in my breakfast cereal... ♪
1452
01:12:09,041 --> 01:12:10,749
♪ So, hi ♪
1453
01:12:10,750 --> 01:12:13,125
♪ Hey, hello, yeah,
that was a nice try ♪
1454
01:12:14,666 --> 01:12:17,457
♪ Coming up slowly
before you bite ♪
1455
01:12:17,458 --> 01:12:19,374
♪ And you know ♪
1456
01:12:19,375 --> 01:12:23,916
♪ I forgive and forget it
then you cry crocodile tears ♪
1457
01:12:24,500 --> 01:12:26,833
♪ Crocodile tears ♪
1458
01:12:27,208 --> 01:12:28,249
Yes!
1459
01:12:28,250 --> 01:12:31,957
♪ Pull the blinds, when
we felt like a ghost ♪
1460
01:12:31,958 --> 01:12:35,915
♪ Back down to the bottom,
gravity gets heavy ♪
1461
01:12:35,916 --> 01:12:40,790
♪ Oh you, held too tight,
when I needed you most ♪
1462
01:12:40,791 --> 01:12:44,791
♪ There's something we hold,
there's something we carry ♪
1463
01:12:45,416 --> 01:12:49,500
♪ So hi, hey, hello, yeah.
that was a nice try ♪
1464
01:12:51,625 --> 01:12:55,749
♪ Been coming up slowly before
you bite, and you know ♪
1465
01:12:55,750 --> 01:12:59,957
♪ I forgive and forget it
then you cry crocodile tears ♪
1466
01:13:04,166 --> 01:13:06,790
♪ Saturday night getting
lost in slow motion ♪
1467
01:13:06,791 --> 01:13:08,124
♪ Under the lights ♪
1468
01:13:08,125 --> 01:13:10,415
♪ Where we dance to let go ♪
1469
01:13:10,416 --> 01:13:11,874
♪ Have one of those nights ♪
1470
01:13:11,875 --> 01:13:14,415
♪ Where hearts
don't get broken ♪
1471
01:13:14,416 --> 01:13:15,874
♪ Singing party songs ♪
1472
01:13:15,875 --> 01:13:16,999
♪ Don't know the words ♪
1473
01:13:17,000 --> 01:13:18,374
♪ But we sing a long like ♪
1474
01:13:18,375 --> 01:13:20,290
♪ La-da-di, la-da-da ♪
1475
01:13:20,291 --> 01:13:21,874
♪ La-da-di, la-da-da ♪
1476
01:13:21,875 --> 01:13:23,749
♪ La-da-di, la-da-da ♪
1477
01:13:23,750 --> 01:13:26,165
♪ La-da-di, la-da-da ♪
1478
01:13:26,166 --> 01:13:28,749
♪ Free yourself tonight ♪
1479
01:13:30,125 --> 01:13:31,457
♪ Singing party songs ♪
1480
01:13:31,458 --> 01:13:32,790
♪ Don't know the words ♪
1481
01:13:32,791 --> 01:13:33,874
♪ But we sing along ♪
1482
01:13:33,875 --> 01:13:36,332
♪ Free your self tonight ♪
1483
01:13:37,750 --> 01:13:39,165
♪ Singing party songs ♪
1484
01:13:39,166 --> 01:13:41,291
♪ Don't know the words
but we sing along ♪
1485
01:13:42,458 --> 01:13:44,457
Go Bernie,
go! Drink! Drink! Drink!
1486
01:13:44,458 --> 01:13:47,957
♪ Where you wanna go tonight ♪
1487
01:13:47,958 --> 01:13:50,458
♪ Where the people never sleep ♪
1488
01:13:51,000 --> 01:13:52,707
♪ Saturday night ♪
1489
01:13:52,708 --> 01:13:55,249
♪ Getting lost in slow motion ♪
1490
01:13:55,250 --> 01:13:56,582
♪ Under the lights ♪
1491
01:13:56,583 --> 01:13:58,124
♪ Where we dance to let go ♪
1492
01:13:58,125 --> 01:14:00,457
Go Bernie!
Go Bernie! Go Bernie!
1493
01:14:00,458 --> 01:14:02,957
♪ Where hearts
don't get broken ♪
1494
01:14:02,958 --> 01:14:04,415
♪ Singing party songs ♪
1495
01:14:04,416 --> 01:14:06,457
♪ Don't know the words
but we sing a long like ♪
1496
01:14:06,458 --> 01:14:08,665
♪ La-da-di, la-da-da ♪
1497
01:14:08,666 --> 01:14:10,415
♪ La-da-di, la-da-da ♪
1498
01:14:10,416 --> 01:14:12,207
♪ La-da-di, la-da-da ♪
1499
01:14:12,208 --> 01:14:14,083
- ♪ La-da-di, la-da-da ♪
- Hey!
1500
01:14:14,750 --> 01:14:15,749
♪ Saturday night ♪
1501
01:14:15,750 --> 01:14:18,416
♪ Getting lost in slow motion ♪
1502
01:14:19,416 --> 01:14:20,915
Uh, whiskey neat.
1503
01:14:24,875 --> 01:14:27,082
Hey, Monica, you came.
1504
01:14:27,083 --> 01:14:28,333
Robin.
1505
01:14:29,583 --> 01:14:31,415
You look great.
1506
01:14:31,416 --> 01:14:32,666
Thank you.
1507
01:14:32,875 --> 01:14:33,957
As usual.
1508
01:14:33,958 --> 01:14:35,083
So do you.
1509
01:14:35,500 --> 01:14:37,582
Your hair is really long.
1510
01:14:37,583 --> 01:14:39,791
Oh, thanks, it's extensions.
1511
01:14:40,291 --> 01:14:43,290
Well, some of it's mine,
the rest is, like... horse.
1512
01:14:45,541 --> 01:14:46,916
Never mind.
1513
01:14:49,458 --> 01:14:53,041
Weren't you like vice president
of our class or some shit?
1514
01:14:53,666 --> 01:14:54,958
How dare you?
1515
01:14:56,083 --> 01:14:58,707
- I was president, obviously, God.
- Oh. Sorry.
1516
01:14:58,708 --> 01:15:00,791
- Sorry, Madam President.
- Thank you.
1517
01:15:03,750 --> 01:15:05,707
- Oh, my God.
- What did you order?
1518
01:15:05,708 --> 01:15:07,291
Literally a whiskey.
1519
01:15:07,791 --> 01:15:09,957
The brown... the brown one.
1520
01:15:09,958 --> 01:15:11,915
I'm sorry, I shouldn't
have hired him.
1521
01:15:11,916 --> 01:15:13,832
He's my neighbor's son.
He's down on his luck.
1522
01:15:13,833 --> 01:15:15,208
I was trying to help him out.
1523
01:15:16,958 --> 01:15:19,040
- You know what's the saddest part?
- Hm?
1524
01:15:19,041 --> 01:15:21,291
He still wants to
be an astronaut.
1525
01:15:22,166 --> 01:15:23,541
So, what do you do?
1526
01:15:24,541 --> 01:15:25,666
I'm...
1527
01:15:27,666 --> 01:15:29,791
I'm a stripper at Diamond Dolls.
1528
01:15:30,750 --> 01:15:31,875
Oh.
1529
01:15:32,875 --> 01:15:34,041
Huh.
1530
01:15:35,500 --> 01:15:37,165
I think I might
actually head out,
1531
01:15:37,166 --> 01:15:38,582
but it was good
to see you, Robin.
1532
01:15:38,583 --> 01:15:41,625
Wait, you... you didn't
ask me what I do.
1533
01:15:42,541 --> 01:15:43,791
Okay. What do you do?
1534
01:15:44,166 --> 01:15:45,166
I'm a realtor...
1535
01:15:46,750 --> 01:15:49,000
who hasn't sold a house
in three years, so...
1536
01:15:50,541 --> 01:15:53,249
I guess I plan high
school reunions now,
1537
01:15:53,250 --> 01:15:54,749
which is super lame.
1538
01:15:56,250 --> 01:15:58,958
Also, my husband's cheating
on me, so that's fun.
1539
01:16:00,583 --> 01:16:02,250
I'm sorry, I needed that.
1540
01:16:02,833 --> 01:16:04,165
- Two more.
- Great.
1541
01:16:04,166 --> 01:16:05,957
- Just... I'll watch you while...
- And another glass.
1542
01:16:05,958 --> 01:16:08,125
Another. Yep.
1543
01:16:08,625 --> 01:16:09,624
That's what two is.
1544
01:16:09,625 --> 01:16:12,540
Wait, so how'd he find out?
1545
01:16:12,541 --> 01:16:14,540
Well, I mean, he... he
knew that something was up
1546
01:16:14,541 --> 01:16:16,915
when he found me measuring the
levels of the liquor bottle, so...
1547
01:16:16,916 --> 01:16:19,249
- Oh, no.
- Yeah.
1548
01:16:25,833 --> 01:16:27,583
Uh, you look really pretty.
1549
01:16:28,500 --> 01:16:29,707
Thrifty?
1550
01:16:29,708 --> 01:16:30,915
Yeah.
1551
01:16:30,916 --> 01:16:33,540
Yeah, you look like you... really
careful with your spending habits.
1552
01:16:33,541 --> 01:16:35,040
It's really
hard to hear you.
1553
01:16:35,041 --> 01:16:36,881
- Do you wanna go somewhere where we...
- Yeah.
1554
01:16:38,041 --> 01:16:39,790
Oh. Okay.
1555
01:16:44,833 --> 01:16:47,290
It wasn't supposed
to be like this.
1556
01:16:47,291 --> 01:16:49,458
At least in my head,
it wasn't. Like...
1557
01:16:50,041 --> 01:16:52,832
I was supposed to
be better than you.
1558
01:16:52,833 --> 01:16:55,540
- No offense.
- Please.
1559
01:16:55,541 --> 01:16:58,082
I had this fantasy that
I was gonna show up here
1560
01:16:58,083 --> 01:17:00,665
and like, buy everybody
a round of drinks.
1561
01:17:00,666 --> 01:17:03,499
Like... like, people were gonna
be impressed by that or something.
1562
01:17:03,500 --> 01:17:06,124
Well, you should do it.
Dude, I'd be impressed.
1563
01:17:06,125 --> 01:17:08,332
I've only seen that, what,
in, like, the movies.
1564
01:17:08,333 --> 01:17:09,957
Well, it's an open bar, so...
1565
01:17:09,958 --> 01:17:11,750
And besides, he
would take forever.
1566
01:17:12,250 --> 01:17:13,750
Well, he's got the
moon on his brain.
1567
01:17:14,250 --> 01:17:15,500
That's true.
1568
01:17:16,583 --> 01:17:18,082
Anyway, it's not
even really my money.
1569
01:17:18,083 --> 01:17:21,541
It's my stupid, cheating,
rich husband's money.
1570
01:17:22,291 --> 01:17:23,666
How do you know he's cheating?
1571
01:17:25,000 --> 01:17:27,958
He comes home late,
like almost every night.
1572
01:17:28,333 --> 01:17:29,499
And he smells like vanilla.
1573
01:17:29,500 --> 01:17:31,082
- Mm.
- And I fucking hate vanilla.
1574
01:17:31,083 --> 01:17:32,707
And then I ask him and
he says he was working.
1575
01:17:32,708 --> 01:17:34,790
Like, where are you
working, fucking Cinnabon?
1576
01:17:35,916 --> 01:17:38,124
Anyway, all I'm saying
is that none of us
1577
01:17:38,125 --> 01:17:40,000
are where we
thought we would be.
1578
01:17:41,666 --> 01:17:43,832
Do you wanna know
the weirdest part?
1579
01:17:43,833 --> 01:17:45,582
I'm a loser at my own reunion.
1580
01:17:45,583 --> 01:17:46,707
I'm not getting the club.
1581
01:17:46,708 --> 01:17:48,833
I'm, like, fucking broke.
1582
01:17:50,125 --> 01:17:53,124
And the thing I can't
stop thinking about is Abby.
1583
01:17:53,125 --> 01:17:55,082
Well, that's because you
can still do something
1584
01:17:55,083 --> 01:17:56,416
about that situation.
1585
01:17:57,041 --> 01:17:58,207
Okay, what do you mean?
1586
01:17:58,208 --> 01:18:00,915
You told her that she
was not ready for sex?
1587
01:18:00,916 --> 01:18:04,457
Sixty-nine,
actually. Different.
1588
01:18:04,458 --> 01:18:07,790
It's not technically sex,
although it's... wet.
1589
01:18:07,791 --> 01:18:10,332
Look, every girl has the right
1590
01:18:10,333 --> 01:18:12,625
to choose for themselves
when they're ready.
1591
01:18:13,625 --> 01:18:14,749
It's their choice.
1592
01:18:18,333 --> 01:18:19,790
I messed up, huh?
1593
01:18:19,791 --> 01:18:21,499
You may not be able to
get everything right,
1594
01:18:21,500 --> 01:18:24,750
but you can tell a good
friend when you're wrong.
1595
01:18:25,875 --> 01:18:29,708
Wow. Robin, you're a genius.
1596
01:18:30,375 --> 01:18:33,082
I can't be that smart, I
married that fuckin' idiot.
1597
01:18:33,083 --> 01:18:34,624
Whoo!
1598
01:18:40,833 --> 01:18:41,916
Bye.
1599
01:18:42,416 --> 01:18:43,583
Bye.
1600
01:18:47,208 --> 01:18:49,207
Holy shit, what a setup.
1601
01:18:49,208 --> 01:18:51,082
Oh, yeah, it's nothing.
1602
01:18:53,333 --> 01:18:54,874
You play Dead?
1603
01:18:54,875 --> 01:18:56,124
It's like my favorite game.
1604
01:18:56,125 --> 01:18:58,000
Really? Me too.
1605
01:18:58,666 --> 01:18:59,957
Sick.
1606
01:19:27,291 --> 01:19:29,582
So this is your room, huh?
1607
01:19:29,583 --> 01:19:31,165
Yep.
1608
01:19:31,166 --> 01:19:32,833
Oh, geez.
1609
01:19:34,500 --> 01:19:36,582
God, these are so stupid.
1610
01:19:52,583 --> 01:19:53,915
Wait. I can't do this.
1611
01:19:53,916 --> 01:19:55,583
Oh, okay, yeah.
1612
01:19:56,375 --> 01:19:58,500
Um, I'm... I'm sorry, I can't.
1613
01:20:00,791 --> 01:20:02,458
I can't 69 you.
1614
01:20:03,000 --> 01:20:05,665
I'm sorry, I... I want to, I do.
1615
01:20:05,666 --> 01:20:07,749
I just, I c... I can't.
1616
01:20:07,750 --> 01:20:09,332
Sorry, did you say 69?
1617
01:20:09,333 --> 01:20:11,249
Yeah, I know it's your
favorite position.
1618
01:20:11,250 --> 01:20:13,999
I just, I... I'm not ready.
1619
01:20:14,000 --> 01:20:18,374
I am physically ready because I
studied so, so, so hard for it.
1620
01:20:18,375 --> 01:20:24,250
But I... Oh, I'm just not
emotionally or mentally ready.
1621
01:20:24,666 --> 01:20:26,499
Abby... what
are you talking about?
1622
01:20:26,500 --> 01:20:28,625
I've never 69'd before.
1623
01:20:29,958 --> 01:20:30,958
Huh?
1624
01:20:32,083 --> 01:20:34,250
But Bernie said you love to 69.
1625
01:20:35,458 --> 01:20:36,583
Bernie said?
1626
01:20:37,666 --> 01:20:39,041
The mascot.
1627
01:20:40,166 --> 01:20:41,166
Why would...
1628
01:20:42,541 --> 01:20:46,041
Oh, no. No, I love
number 69. Jared Allen.
1629
01:20:46,541 --> 01:20:48,082
He played for the
Minnesota Vikings.
1630
01:20:48,083 --> 01:20:49,499
My dad went to Idaho
State with him,
1631
01:20:49,500 --> 01:20:51,250
so we got to go
to his house once.
1632
01:20:51,583 --> 01:20:53,790
It was actually really dope.
He has two pools. Why does...
1633
01:20:53,791 --> 01:20:56,125
Are you fucking kidding me?
I hired a stripper to...
1634
01:20:59,333 --> 01:21:00,625
Never mind.
1635
01:21:01,750 --> 01:21:04,499
Wait, but you've been with
Mercedes for like your whole life.
1636
01:21:04,500 --> 01:21:08,083
Yeah, Mercedes is like
super into J-dawg.
1637
01:21:09,041 --> 01:21:10,041
Jesus.
1638
01:21:10,833 --> 01:21:12,875
She's saving herself
for marriage.
1639
01:21:16,708 --> 01:21:18,207
How could
I have missed it?
1640
01:21:18,208 --> 01:21:20,875
I'm Mercedes, I'm
your girlfriend.
1641
01:21:22,791 --> 01:21:25,249
I guess... Abby.
1642
01:21:31,083 --> 01:21:34,499
Mercedes was a virgin,
which meant that Max...
1643
01:21:34,500 --> 01:21:36,124
You're a...
1644
01:21:39,666 --> 01:21:40,833
Me too.
1645
01:21:42,791 --> 01:21:44,332
Really?
1646
01:21:44,333 --> 01:21:45,833
You think I've had sex?
1647
01:21:47,000 --> 01:21:48,083
I don't know, I mean,
1648
01:21:48,666 --> 01:21:50,500
I didn't even know
if you'd be into me.
1649
01:21:54,708 --> 01:21:56,915
Oh, my God!
1650
01:21:56,916 --> 01:21:59,082
Wait, what were you saying
about hiring a stripper?
1651
01:21:59,083 --> 01:22:02,124
Oh, well, she's... she's
actually my friend.
1652
01:22:02,125 --> 01:22:04,332
Well, she was my friend.
1653
01:22:04,333 --> 01:22:05,750
What happened?
1654
01:22:06,750 --> 01:22:07,916
I screwed up.
1655
01:22:08,625 --> 01:22:12,500
I owe her big and I don't
really know how to repay her.
1656
01:22:12,750 --> 01:22:13,999
I'm sure you'll
think of something.
1657
01:22:14,000 --> 01:22:15,665
No, I... I don't know.
1658
01:22:15,666 --> 01:22:18,165
I don't know what I
can do to fix this.
1659
01:22:18,166 --> 01:22:19,500
I lied to her.
1660
01:22:21,625 --> 01:22:23,250
I mean, I kinda lied to you.
1661
01:22:23,791 --> 01:22:26,040
What?
What do you mean?
1662
01:22:26,041 --> 01:22:27,916
I knew you played
Wild Wild Dead.
1663
01:22:28,708 --> 01:22:30,068
I follow you on
Glitch.
1664
01:22:31,375 --> 01:22:33,374
What? How...
1665
01:22:33,375 --> 01:22:35,790
Wait, how'd you know it was me?
1666
01:22:35,791 --> 01:22:38,207
Well, between your
username Abby-Cadaver
1667
01:22:38,208 --> 01:22:42,290
and this beautiful head of
curls you have...
1668
01:22:42,291 --> 01:22:43,957
...it was pretty easy.
1669
01:22:43,958 --> 01:22:45,625
Wow.
1670
01:22:46,708 --> 01:22:50,540
Wow. Max Warren
follows me on Glitch.
1671
01:22:50,541 --> 01:22:52,790
Max Guilford Warren sure does.
1672
01:22:52,791 --> 01:22:54,207
- Guilford?
- Guilford.
1673
01:22:54,208 --> 01:22:57,041
But you know, I guess you
could say that I'm a follower.
1674
01:22:59,000 --> 01:23:00,874
But like... like, not in
a way it would be weird
1675
01:23:00,875 --> 01:23:03,415
if we, like, kissed or anything.
1676
01:23:11,541 --> 01:23:13,208
- Oh, my God, that's it.
- What?
1677
01:23:13,875 --> 01:23:15,665
I'm so sorry, I have to go.
1678
01:23:15,666 --> 01:23:17,374
Thank you.
1679
01:23:27,166 --> 01:23:28,499
Listen up!
1680
01:23:28,500 --> 01:23:30,833
Who here is 18?
1681
01:23:38,958 --> 01:23:40,041
Ugh.
1682
01:23:44,666 --> 01:23:46,499
Bro, I've never done LSD.
1683
01:23:46,500 --> 01:23:49,165
Yeah, you're sure
this is good quality?
1684
01:23:49,166 --> 01:23:51,000
This shit is vintage.
1685
01:23:51,833 --> 01:23:53,750
Have a good trip,
fellow travelers.
1686
01:23:55,708 --> 01:23:56,833
Hello?
1687
01:23:58,458 --> 01:23:59,458
Abby?
1688
01:24:00,250 --> 01:24:01,832
I feel like
it's kicking in already.
1689
01:24:01,833 --> 01:24:03,082
Hey, Abby.
1690
01:24:03,083 --> 01:24:05,000
Man, it
doesn't work like that.
1691
01:24:07,083 --> 01:24:09,040
Hey, you're Max, right?
1692
01:24:09,041 --> 01:24:10,499
Oh, crap, you're
a cop, aren't you?
1693
01:24:10,500 --> 01:24:13,165
What? Wait. Do I
look like a cop?
1694
01:24:13,166 --> 01:24:15,749
Uh, yeah, I mean, you look
professional and crap, so...
1695
01:24:15,750 --> 01:24:17,749
Okay. Where's Abby?
1696
01:24:17,750 --> 01:24:20,790
She said she had to do something to get
her stripper friend back or something.
1697
01:24:20,791 --> 01:24:22,231
She took most of
the party with her.
1698
01:24:22,916 --> 01:24:23,915
Why didn't you go?
1699
01:24:23,916 --> 01:24:25,499
Uh, she only took
people who are 18.
1700
01:24:25,500 --> 01:24:26,791
I'm 17, ma'am.
1701
01:24:27,916 --> 01:24:29,415
- Okay, thanks.
- Yeah.
1702
01:24:29,416 --> 01:24:31,291
Wait, did you and her...
1703
01:24:31,750 --> 01:24:33,125
like...
1704
01:24:33,833 --> 01:24:35,040
Sixty-nine. Did you sixty-nine?
1705
01:24:35,041 --> 01:24:36,749
Oh, uh, no, no. No, ma'am.
1706
01:24:36,750 --> 01:24:38,707
Uh, we... we didn't even kiss.
1707
01:24:38,708 --> 01:24:41,749
Why? You're too good
for her, Abercrombie & bitch?
1708
01:24:41,750 --> 01:24:42,832
What's wrong with you?
1709
01:24:42,833 --> 01:24:46,665
She's like fuckin' pretty and
you're like Tanathee Chalamet.
1710
01:24:46,666 --> 01:24:50,374
Uh, ma'am, I promise you I am
very into her, s-so, yeah...
1711
01:24:50,375 --> 01:24:51,457
Good boy.
1712
01:24:51,458 --> 01:24:53,000
She also said she
wasn't ready yet.
1713
01:24:54,500 --> 01:24:55,583
Good girl.
1714
01:24:56,291 --> 01:24:57,582
And you gotta stop
calling me ma'am.
1715
01:24:57,583 --> 01:24:59,541
I, like, just got
health insurance.
1716
01:25:00,083 --> 01:25:01,291
Oh.
1717
01:25:08,083 --> 01:25:11,749
I always knew how I wanted my first
sexual experience to play out.
1718
01:25:12,916 --> 01:25:16,916
I'd be effortlessly
cool, irresistible.
1719
01:25:18,333 --> 01:25:20,665
I'd have all the right moves.
1720
01:25:20,666 --> 01:25:23,540
And no matter how or where
it happened, it would be...
1721
01:25:23,541 --> 01:25:25,500
I'm so bored!
1722
01:25:34,875 --> 01:25:36,832
All this to say,
1723
01:25:36,833 --> 01:25:39,000
I screwed over my
friends to get a guy.
1724
01:25:39,625 --> 01:25:41,207
A great, great guy.
1725
01:25:41,208 --> 01:25:45,041
But a guy, who turns
out already likes me.
1726
01:25:46,291 --> 01:25:49,874
The point is, I shouldn't
have lied to Santa Monica.
1727
01:25:49,875 --> 01:25:52,665
- Show us your boobs!
- Shut the fuck up, asshole.
1728
01:25:52,666 --> 01:25:54,665
Yeah, show us
your dick, meathead.
1729
01:25:54,666 --> 01:25:56,082
How do you like it?
1730
01:25:56,083 --> 01:25:57,832
I'm a minor, so...
1731
01:25:57,833 --> 01:25:59,375
Then don't show us your dick.
1732
01:26:00,916 --> 01:26:02,540
Okay, everybody,
I need your help.
1733
01:26:02,541 --> 01:26:03,958
I owe her a lot of money.
1734
01:26:04,791 --> 01:26:06,041
Twenty grand, actually.
1735
01:26:06,583 --> 01:26:08,916
Yeah, I know, it's a
lot... it's a lot of money.
1736
01:26:09,875 --> 01:26:11,665
And I just told you
a lot about myself
1737
01:26:11,666 --> 01:26:16,125
and that was terrifying,
but also weirdly liberating.
1738
01:26:16,625 --> 01:26:20,250
Anyway, I want to
make things right.
1739
01:26:21,333 --> 01:26:22,708
We're still live, right?
1740
01:26:23,208 --> 01:26:24,333
Oh, yeah.
1741
01:26:25,000 --> 01:26:29,707
Um, I would like to thank,
uh, Destiny, Angel, and Betty
1742
01:26:29,708 --> 01:26:31,832
- for helping me pull this off.
- Aw.
1743
01:26:31,833 --> 01:26:33,457
- I couldn't have done this...
- What?
1744
01:26:33,458 --> 01:26:34,915
- ...without you, and...
- Nothing.
1745
01:26:34,916 --> 01:26:36,499
- I don't give a shit.
- Okay.
1746
01:26:36,500 --> 01:26:39,665
So, to all my
subscribers online,
1747
01:26:39,666 --> 01:26:44,415
the class of 2025, and all
you Diamond Dolls regulars,
1748
01:26:44,416 --> 01:26:51,166
I invite you to open your
hearts and your wallets.
1749
01:26:52,875 --> 01:26:55,665
Ladies and gentlemen and
high school children,
1750
01:26:55,666 --> 01:26:57,999
please give a warm
Diamond Dolls welcome
1751
01:26:58,000 --> 01:27:01,874
to a young lady who is a
diamond in her own right.
1752
01:27:01,875 --> 01:27:04,665
Someone who has blossomed in
the time that we've known her...
1753
01:27:04,666 --> 01:27:05,916
Don, wrap it up.
1754
01:27:06,416 --> 01:27:07,416
Welcome Abby Flores!
1755
01:27:17,333 --> 01:27:20,708
♪ Just take those old
records off the shelf ♪
1756
01:27:21,333 --> 01:27:22,790
♪ I'll sit and listen
to 'em by myself ♪
1757
01:27:22,791 --> 01:27:24,750
Oh my God, those legs!
1758
01:27:25,416 --> 01:27:29,207
- ♪ Today's music ain't got the same soul ♪
- Come on, Abby!
1759
01:27:29,208 --> 01:27:32,375
♪ I like that old
time rock 'n' roll ♪
1760
01:27:32,916 --> 01:27:35,958
♪ Don't try to take
me to a disco ♪
1761
01:27:36,791 --> 01:27:40,041
♪ You'll never even get
me out on the floor ♪
1762
01:27:41,041 --> 01:27:43,875
♪ In ten minutes I'll
be late for the door ♪
1763
01:27:44,583 --> 01:27:46,249
♪ I like that old
time rock 'n' roll ♪
1764
01:27:46,250 --> 01:27:47,624
- Oh, no.
- Oh, she's stuck. She's stuck.
1765
01:27:47,625 --> 01:27:49,124
She looks like a
rotisserie chicken.
1766
01:27:49,125 --> 01:27:51,457
♪ That old time rock 'n' roll ♪
1767
01:27:51,458 --> 01:27:52,832
Oh!
1768
01:27:52,833 --> 01:27:55,666
♪ That kind of music
just soothes the soul ♪
1769
01:27:56,083 --> 01:27:59,124
♪ I reminisce about
the days of old ♪
1770
01:27:59,125 --> 01:28:00,415
Get the fuck outta my way.
1771
01:28:00,416 --> 01:28:03,374
♪ With that old
time rock 'n' roll ♪
1772
01:28:03,375 --> 01:28:06,750
♪ Oh! Still like that
old time rock 'n' roll ♪
1773
01:28:08,500 --> 01:28:10,750
♪ That kind of music
just soothes the soul ♪
1774
01:28:11,416 --> 01:28:14,916
♪ I reminisce about
the days of old ♪
1775
01:28:15,416 --> 01:28:18,296
- Is she shooting her own titties?
- ♪ With that old time rock 'n' roll ♪
1776
01:28:20,833 --> 01:28:23,290
Yeah, girl! Dance, you freak!
1777
01:28:31,375 --> 01:28:35,249
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
1778
01:28:35,250 --> 01:28:38,415
♪ Still like that old
time rock 'n' roll ♪
1779
01:28:38,416 --> 01:28:41,665
♪ That kind of music
just soothes the soul ♪
1780
01:28:41,666 --> 01:28:45,125
♪ I reminisce about the days of old ♪
1781
01:28:46,083 --> 01:28:48,082
♪ With that old
time rock 'n' roll ♪
1782
01:28:48,083 --> 01:28:49,832
That's bad dancing.
1783
01:28:49,833 --> 01:28:53,125
♪ Still like that old
time rock 'n' roll ♪
1784
01:28:53,791 --> 01:28:56,457
♪ That kind of music
just soothes the soul ♪
1785
01:28:56,458 --> 01:28:58,374
- You weird little freak!
- Get 'em!
1786
01:28:58,375 --> 01:29:00,833
♪ I reminisce about
the days of old ♪
1787
01:29:01,625 --> 01:29:05,290
♪ With that old time rock 'n' roll ♪
1788
01:29:05,291 --> 01:29:08,833
♪ Still like that old
time rock 'n' roll ♪
1789
01:29:09,458 --> 01:29:11,040
- ♪ That kind of music ♪
- She won the night!
1790
01:29:11,041 --> 01:29:13,082
- ♪ Just soothes the soul ♪
- That's my girl!
1791
01:29:13,083 --> 01:29:16,458
♪ I reminisce about
the days of old ♪
1792
01:29:17,333 --> 01:29:19,666
- ♪ With that old time rock 'n' roll ♪
- Whoo!
1793
01:29:20,875 --> 01:29:24,083
♪ Still like that old
time rock 'n' roll ♪
1794
01:29:25,750 --> 01:29:27,125
That's my girl.
1795
01:29:28,000 --> 01:29:29,290
I think I'm mad at her.
1796
01:29:31,083 --> 01:29:32,166
Sorry.
1797
01:29:36,791 --> 01:29:38,540
Samuel Moros.
1798
01:29:38,541 --> 01:29:40,583
It's nice to meet you, Samuel.
1799
01:29:42,500 --> 01:29:45,207
- Let me help you.
- Please do.
1800
01:29:45,208 --> 01:29:47,624
What a sweet kid
to do that for ya.
1801
01:29:47,625 --> 01:29:50,457
Yeah, she's pretty great.
1802
01:29:50,458 --> 01:29:52,874
Just between us, if she wants
a summer job, shut it down.
1803
01:29:52,875 --> 01:29:55,082
Yeah, she can't dance for shit.
1804
01:29:55,083 --> 01:29:59,207
Oui, oui. That's
French for "I agree."
1805
01:29:59,208 --> 01:30:01,374
She was atrocious.
1806
01:30:01,375 --> 01:30:04,166
Oh look, an uncircumcised Dick.
1807
01:30:04,708 --> 01:30:05,833
It's Rick!
1808
01:30:07,708 --> 01:30:09,790
And judging by that sad
excuse of a talent show,
1809
01:30:09,791 --> 01:30:13,624
I'm guessing that you
don't have the cash.
1810
01:30:13,625 --> 01:30:16,500
Well, don't worry,
I am a good boss.
1811
01:30:17,583 --> 01:30:19,999
I really like to...
1812
01:30:20,000 --> 01:30:21,457
...take
care of my girls.
1813
01:30:23,375 --> 01:30:25,790
- Oh, damn.
- So do I.
1814
01:30:25,791 --> 01:30:27,999
You're gonna regret
that, you stupid bitch.
1815
01:30:28,000 --> 01:30:32,833
The second I sign this paperwork,
I'm gonna throw you out on your ass.
1816
01:30:33,208 --> 01:30:34,957
If we
raised the 20 grand,
1817
01:30:34,958 --> 01:30:37,875
you're never stepping
foot in this club again.
1818
01:30:39,333 --> 01:30:40,573
Alright, Abby, where are we at?
1819
01:30:40,916 --> 01:30:42,124
Samuel?
1820
01:30:42,125 --> 01:30:45,915
In-person donations, $3,187.
1821
01:30:49,958 --> 01:30:51,707
Oh, and what's the
number on Glitch?
1822
01:30:51,708 --> 01:30:54,582
Six thousand, seven
hundred and twelve.
1823
01:30:54,583 --> 01:30:55,665
- Dude.
- Yes!
1824
01:30:58,000 --> 01:31:00,290
Yes! Yes!
1825
01:31:00,291 --> 01:31:02,790
Oh, and, uh, 3,000 yen.
1826
01:31:02,791 --> 01:31:03,874
Oh!
1827
01:31:05,375 --> 01:31:08,207
- Wait. No, no. That's like 20 bucks.
- Oh.
1828
01:31:08,208 --> 01:31:10,290
- Ohh.
- Yeah.
1829
01:31:10,291 --> 01:31:12,999
Oh, wait, what about that
$5,000 deposit you gave Betty?
1830
01:31:13,000 --> 01:31:14,374
Oh, yeah.
1831
01:31:16,083 --> 01:31:18,375
Oh, and how much did
we raise at the door?
1832
01:31:19,458 --> 01:31:21,915
I have a fear of
public speaking.
1833
01:31:21,916 --> 01:31:22,999
Come on, Dave. Dave.
1834
01:31:23,000 --> 01:31:24,124
- Dave!
- Dave!
1835
01:31:24,125 --> 01:31:25,540
Around 800 at the door.
1836
01:31:25,541 --> 01:31:28,082
That's pretty good.
1837
01:31:28,083 --> 01:31:30,290
So, how much is that then?
1838
01:31:30,291 --> 01:31:33,749
Siri, find calculator app.
1839
01:31:36,416 --> 01:31:39,583
Anybody know what the
first one she said was?
1840
01:31:40,291 --> 01:31:41,707
It's not enough.
1841
01:31:41,708 --> 01:31:44,082
If you carry... if you car...
if you carry the four...
1842
01:31:44,083 --> 01:31:45,332
Not enough.
1843
01:31:45,333 --> 01:31:46,915
Shut up. If
you carry the four...
1844
01:31:46,916 --> 01:31:48,290
Still counting? It's not enough.
1845
01:31:49,625 --> 01:31:52,125
They did it!
1846
01:31:53,500 --> 01:31:55,540
Twenty thousand dollars!
1847
01:31:55,541 --> 01:31:56,665
Yes!
1848
01:31:58,458 --> 01:31:59,999
What?
1849
01:32:00,000 --> 01:32:02,832
Really?
1850
01:32:02,833 --> 01:32:05,082
- What? Yes!
- What? What?
1851
01:32:05,083 --> 01:32:07,374
Wait, wait.
1852
01:32:07,375 --> 01:32:09,332
No, they're 4,300 short.
1853
01:32:09,333 --> 01:32:11,082
- Oh, man.
- Aw!
1854
01:32:11,083 --> 01:32:12,540
For fuck's sake.
1855
01:32:12,541 --> 01:32:13,832
What the fuck, Gary?
1856
01:32:15,833 --> 01:32:17,708
Don't worry, Abby.
1857
01:32:18,583 --> 01:32:19,582
It's okay.
1858
01:32:19,583 --> 01:32:24,166
Well, Betty, let's go sign the
paperwork in my new office.
1859
01:32:25,083 --> 01:32:27,541
Ladies. Arigatou.
1860
01:32:31,541 --> 01:32:33,208
Girls, I'm so sorry.
1861
01:32:34,541 --> 01:32:37,421
- I wish I could do somethin'.
- Chop, chop, Spaghetti.
1862
01:32:40,333 --> 01:32:42,083
- Maybe I can help.
- Oh.
1863
01:32:43,125 --> 01:32:44,416
Oh, where did it come from?
1864
01:32:46,333 --> 01:32:47,957
Robin, what are you doing here?
1865
01:32:47,958 --> 01:32:52,332
Well, apparently my husband
frequents this place.
1866
01:32:52,333 --> 01:32:53,875
Isn't that right?
1867
01:32:55,416 --> 01:32:57,457
So, I thought he could
invest in a place
1868
01:32:57,458 --> 01:32:59,249
he cares about so
much, don't you think?
1869
01:32:59,250 --> 01:33:02,665
And if it helps a
friend out of a bind
1870
01:33:02,666 --> 01:33:04,916
while spending some of his
money, then it's a win-win.
1871
01:33:05,833 --> 01:33:08,249
- Are you serious?
- Yeah, he sucks.
1872
01:33:08,250 --> 01:33:11,291
Plus, don't question a
presidential decision.
1873
01:33:12,625 --> 01:33:13,874
We got it!
1874
01:33:17,291 --> 01:33:19,415
No, stop! Stop! Shut up!
1875
01:33:19,416 --> 01:33:20,915
Shut the hell up!
1876
01:33:20,916 --> 01:33:22,000
I'm done with this!
1877
01:33:23,125 --> 01:33:26,540
Okay, I am done with Magic
Mike's awkward niece.
1878
01:33:26,541 --> 01:33:27,750
You're a terrible dancer!
1879
01:33:28,833 --> 01:33:30,790
I'm done with the
Witches of Eastwick.
1880
01:33:30,791 --> 01:33:33,624
I'm done with... whoever
the hell you are.
1881
01:33:33,625 --> 01:33:36,290
- I'm Robin.
- You're Robin?
1882
01:33:36,291 --> 01:33:38,124
- Yeah.
- Alright, it's over!
1883
01:33:38,125 --> 01:33:39,582
The club is mine!
1884
01:33:39,583 --> 01:33:44,290
Betty, it is time to hand the
club over to me, right now!
1885
01:33:44,291 --> 01:33:46,832
You decaying excuse of a dancer.
1886
01:33:46,833 --> 01:33:49,666
Don't you ever...
1887
01:33:50,375 --> 01:33:52,791
ever call me a dancer!
1888
01:33:53,250 --> 01:33:58,124
I am Betty Spaghetti, and
I'm a goddamned stripper.
1889
01:33:58,125 --> 01:33:59,624
Ohh!
1890
01:33:59,625 --> 01:34:01,332
Spaghetti!
- Ooh!
1891
01:34:01,333 --> 01:34:02,625
Yes!
1892
01:34:05,583 --> 01:34:06,583
Yes!
1893
01:34:09,166 --> 01:34:11,332
Should I have the bouncer
throw him out on his ass?
1894
01:34:11,333 --> 01:34:12,416
Your call, boss.
1895
01:34:13,416 --> 01:34:15,125
Boss lady.
1896
01:34:16,708 --> 01:34:19,165
- Let's go, numb nuts.
- Oh!
1897
01:34:20,541 --> 01:34:23,290
Hey! Watch the
suit, danke schoen!
1898
01:34:23,291 --> 01:34:24,375
Hey, Rick.
1899
01:34:25,000 --> 01:34:27,499
That's sign language
for fuck you.
1900
01:34:27,500 --> 01:34:29,415
Yeah!
1901
01:34:29,416 --> 01:34:32,040
Oh, hey, hey! Next
round's on me!
1902
01:34:35,708 --> 01:34:37,540
If you're over 21.
1903
01:34:37,541 --> 01:34:38,624
Oh.
1904
01:34:38,625 --> 01:34:41,290
Bu-bu-bu-bummer.
1905
01:34:41,291 --> 01:34:43,790
- That works out in my favor.
- 'Kay, just you guys, then.
1906
01:34:43,791 --> 01:34:45,916
More for
us. More for us.
1907
01:34:46,666 --> 01:34:48,874
- I'm sorry.
- No, I'm sorry.
1908
01:34:48,875 --> 01:34:50,500
No, I'm sorry, Abs. I...
1909
01:34:51,625 --> 01:34:53,415
I shouldn't have said
you weren't ready.
1910
01:34:53,416 --> 01:34:56,250
Thanks, but you're
right, I'm not.
1911
01:34:57,583 --> 01:35:00,540
I'm sorry I didn't tell you
the truth about the money.
1912
01:35:00,541 --> 01:35:02,124
Come on, you're a teenager,
1913
01:35:02,125 --> 01:35:04,041
and you're supposed
to do stupid shit.
1914
01:35:04,916 --> 01:35:07,208
- I guess.
- And speaking of,
1915
01:35:08,125 --> 01:35:09,374
how far did you get with Max?
1916
01:35:09,375 --> 01:35:11,415
Yeah, I think he likes me.
1917
01:35:11,416 --> 01:35:12,540
Well, he better.
1918
01:35:12,541 --> 01:35:14,941
But, uh, we kinda got interrupted
before anything monumental.
1919
01:35:15,666 --> 01:35:19,874
You, my dear,
deserve monumental.
1920
01:35:19,875 --> 01:35:21,999
♪ We will find you ♪
1921
01:35:22,000 --> 01:35:26,249
♪ Acting on your best behavior ♪
1922
01:35:26,250 --> 01:35:31,083
Well, I have a shitload of
paperwork to do, thanks to you.
1923
01:35:32,375 --> 01:35:33,665
Have fun, Abby.
1924
01:35:33,666 --> 01:35:35,958
♪ Everybody wants
to rule the world ♪
1925
01:35:43,333 --> 01:35:46,083
So, word on the street is you
got some killer moves there.
1926
01:35:46,958 --> 01:35:50,832
I do. I'm so glad you
didn't see any of it.
1927
01:35:50,833 --> 01:35:53,165
Oh. I guess I'll just
have to use my imagination.
1928
01:35:53,166 --> 01:35:54,750
Mm-hmm.
1929
01:35:55,625 --> 01:35:59,166
Oh, no. No, no. How?
1930
01:35:59,750 --> 01:36:01,374
Like I said, I'm a follower.
1931
01:36:01,375 --> 01:36:04,915
- God.
- ♪ Most of freedom and of pleasure ♪
1932
01:36:04,916 --> 01:36:08,332
♪ Nothing ever lasts forever ♪
1933
01:36:08,333 --> 01:36:10,124
I'm gonna kiss
you, Cherry Worms.
1934
01:36:10,125 --> 01:36:13,207
♪ Everybody wants
to rule the world ♪
1935
01:36:13,208 --> 01:36:14,332
'Kay.
1936
01:36:14,333 --> 01:36:18,290
♪ There's a room where
the light won't find you ♪
1937
01:36:18,291 --> 01:36:20,332
- ♪ Holding hands while... ♪
- Ow.
1938
01:36:20,333 --> 01:36:21,415
Did you just pinch my leg?
1939
01:36:21,416 --> 01:36:23,000
Sorry, I thought it was mine.
1940
01:36:23,416 --> 01:36:25,375
Yeah, no, that's...
That's fine.
1941
01:36:26,791 --> 01:36:30,999
♪ So glad we've almost made it ♪
1942
01:36:31,000 --> 01:36:34,957
♪ So sad they had to fade it ♪
1943
01:36:34,958 --> 01:36:40,957
♪ Everybody wants
to rule the world ♪
1944
01:36:43,500 --> 01:36:47,249
Then, add the, uh, uh, 3800,
1945
01:36:47,250 --> 01:36:50,750
plus, uh, the 6200,
1946
01:36:51,333 --> 01:36:54,333
and that equals $20,000.
1947
01:36:55,791 --> 01:36:56,915
Bye.
1948
01:36:56,916 --> 01:36:58,041
Bye.
1949
01:36:58,791 --> 01:37:00,374
You guys drive
home safe, okay?
1950
01:37:00,375 --> 01:37:01,457
- 'Kay.
- 'Kay. Bye.
1951
01:37:01,458 --> 01:37:02,624
Okay, responsible.
1952
01:37:02,625 --> 01:37:03,865
Yeah.
1953
01:37:04,750 --> 01:37:06,540
Thanks for getting
me my first kiss.
1954
01:37:06,541 --> 01:37:08,416
- Thanks for saving the club.
- Yeah.
1955
01:37:09,041 --> 01:37:12,332
Hey, we hooked each other up
with exactly what we desired.
1956
01:37:12,333 --> 01:37:13,540
Yeah.
1957
01:37:13,541 --> 01:37:15,915
So, in a non-sexual way,
1958
01:37:15,916 --> 01:37:18,082
we kind of metaphorically 69'd.
1959
01:37:18,083 --> 01:37:19,915
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
1960
01:37:19,916 --> 01:37:22,250
Honestly, best 69 I've ever had.
1961
01:37:22,875 --> 01:37:24,374
- Really?
- No.
1962
01:37:24,375 --> 01:37:27,207
Real thing's actually
really hot. Or is it?
1963
01:37:27,208 --> 01:37:29,582
I don't know, there's a
lot of stuff in your face.
1964
01:37:29,583 --> 01:37:31,249
What in the hell?!
1965
01:37:31,250 --> 01:37:33,415
Oh, shit.
1966
01:37:33,416 --> 01:37:36,083
- I'm assuming those are your parents.
- Oh!
1967
01:37:36,583 --> 01:37:37,750
Who are you?!
1968
01:37:38,708 --> 01:37:40,040
S... Santa Monica, ma'am.
1969
01:37:40,041 --> 01:37:42,208
Hey, Mrs. Flores!
1970
01:37:42,708 --> 01:37:43,750
Lily Rose?
1971
01:37:46,041 --> 01:37:47,290
Ohh!
1972
01:37:47,291 --> 01:37:49,125
Oh, dear God.
1973
01:37:51,333 --> 01:37:52,625
You just puked.
1974
01:37:54,041 --> 01:37:55,832
What have
you done, Abigail?
1975
01:37:55,833 --> 01:37:58,083
What do you have to
say for yourself?!
1976
01:38:02,875 --> 01:38:04,125
I made a friend.
1977
01:38:20,333 --> 01:38:26,333
♪ I look out on horizons ♪
1978
01:38:27,708 --> 01:38:32,541
♪ Always outward
from the beach ♪
1979
01:38:35,083 --> 01:38:41,083
♪ And you bury me
in mounds of sand ♪
1980
01:38:42,416 --> 01:38:48,125
♪ Well does the moon
rise in the East ♪
1981
01:38:50,375 --> 01:38:53,707
♪ So, take it quiet
and take it quick ♪
1982
01:38:53,708 --> 01:38:57,915
♪ Or just hide
amongst the sheets ♪
1983
01:38:57,916 --> 01:39:01,207
♪ You make me nervous,
I must admit ♪
1984
01:39:01,208 --> 01:39:04,916
♪ That emotion is just
beyond our reach ♪
1985
01:39:05,875 --> 01:39:10,875
♪ I visit the seaside ♪
1986
01:39:12,916 --> 01:39:17,332
♪ I'm standing on the beach ♪
1987
01:39:17,333 --> 01:39:20,332
♪ The beach, the
beach, the beach ♪
1988
01:39:20,333 --> 01:39:26,041
♪ I'm coasting
in the shallows ♪
1989
01:39:28,000 --> 01:39:33,416
♪ I sing when
things get deep ♪
1990
01:39:35,708 --> 01:39:39,124
♪ So, take it quiet
and take it quick ♪
1991
01:39:39,125 --> 01:39:42,208
♪ Or just hide
amongst the sheets ♪
1992
01:39:43,416 --> 01:39:46,624
♪ You make me nervous,
I must admit ♪
1993
01:39:46,625 --> 01:39:50,333
♪ That emotion is just
beyond our reach ♪
1994
01:39:58,708 --> 01:40:02,332
♪ Undertow ♪
1995
01:40:02,333 --> 01:40:05,750
♪ Pulls me down and
drags me deeper ♪
1996
01:40:06,291 --> 01:40:09,291
♪ I don't know ♪
1997
01:40:09,833 --> 01:40:13,582
♪ Is drownin' hard
or is it peaceful? ♪
1998
01:40:13,583 --> 01:40:16,874
♪ So, take it quiet
and take it quick ♪
1999
01:40:16,875 --> 01:40:20,166
♪ Or just hide
amongst the sheets ♪
2000
01:40:21,208 --> 01:40:24,457
♪ You make me nervous,
I must admit ♪
2001
01:40:24,458 --> 01:40:28,707
♪ That emotion is just
beyond our reach ♪
2002
01:40:28,708 --> 01:40:32,374
♪ No, I can't stand
it, I can't stand it ♪
2003
01:40:32,375 --> 01:40:35,458
♪ Just hide amongst
the sheets ♪
2004
01:40:36,291 --> 01:40:39,499
♪ You make me nervous,
I must admit ♪
2005
01:40:39,500 --> 01:40:41,624
♪ That I'll never
really know why ♪
2006
01:40:41,625 --> 01:40:44,791
♪ I had to move so slow
you're out of reach ♪
145508
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