Original subtitles

Welcome to high school.

Where, Darwin's Law?

Survival of the fittest

is acted out on a daily basis.

However, in high school...

Merely surviving isn't enough.

Teenagers, composed entirely of hormones and insecurity, yearn to thrive.

In other words, popularity is all that matters.

That's me. Hey. No, not her. A little lower.

That's me.

As you can see, I'm not your typical high schooler.

Growing up, I didn't have many friends.

But that's just because other children my age didn't challenge me.

But I was happy, because I had something a million times better.

I had science.

That's my dad, he tries his best,

considering he's had to raise two kids on his own.

This looks dumb, Aunt Tammy. Why can't I have a princess braid?

Ari, we talked about this.

Today is Erwin's special day.

Well, not totally on his own.

Aunt Tammy is Dad's older sister.

She basically runs this place.

Maybe there was... traffic?

One's gonna come to this nerdy party Dad.

Why don't we open some presents.

Erwin...

It's my name.

That's the man your mama named you after.

He was her favorite scientist.

I was cleaning out her office and thought...

You should have it.

Wow!

I suppose that it is a small, insignificant

microscopic part of me that felt like something was...

I don't know, missing?

- Ari! Can I come too? - No way, dork. Go bug Aunt Tammy.

Jacob.

Ari.

Will.

Sam.

Carol.

Lily.

Sarah.

Mike.

Jenna.

You got last pick.

Is your little sister any good?

How should I know?

But is she better than Dennis the Disaster?

Ari's little sister... Are you any good?

It appears to be...

a simple matter of applying.

Maximum spin and velocity to the ball.

Speed and agility aside, it all comes down to the equation...

F equals MN, where F is the frictional force,

and N is the normal force exerted on the ball.

And M is the co-officiant of friction.

Pretty basic algebra, but an order give you an exact...

I pick Dennis.

Blissfully alone in a bubble of my own creation.

And Jill, that is.

I made the greatest scientific discovery of the twenty first century.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

All right, let's choose teams.

Yes, Erwin, you can sit out.

Kimber told me that Charlie was staring at me during lunch.

I was sitting in front of the pizza cart.

Charlie? Jacobs?

- Oh, I thought he was dating Courtney S. - They broke up last week.

Must be that terrible dye job.

- You know, honey, if you would just let me-- - Never!

Suit yourself.

Erwin, how was your day?

Oh, and then Amanda had an epic fight with Tim and they broke up.

- Again? - Again.

- What is it with those two? - Amanda does it for the attention.

Me and Kimber had to spend all of free period talking her down.

Erwin, did you talk to anyone today?

Yeah, right.

Erwin.

I asked the lunch lady if there were peanuts in the brown sauce.

She said "No".

This is the day we crack it.

The science fair is only a few weeks away, so the clock is ticking.

Are you with me?

Good man.

You know, um...

I'm not pointing any fingers.

But a...

You were the one who suggested we use an irrational polynomial equation.

You know what? I can't talk to you when you're like this.

I think we need some time apart, okay?

...talks to posters...

Helping the antisocial child.

By Dr. Loren Schmiegel.

Speaking of the antisocial child...

Guys, we have a new student this morning.

Winston, would you like to tell us a few things about yourself?

Not much to tell...

I'm 13. I like chemistry.

Glad to hear it. Alright...

Let's get Winston up to speed.

Who can you tell me the difference between a covalent and an ionic bond.

Oh! Well, this is fun. Some nice healthy competition.

I like it. I like it.

Let's hear it, Winston.

In a covalent bond, the electrons are shared,

whereas in an ionic bond, the electrons are transferred.

It's pretty amazing when you think about it.

Everything comes down to the interaction of subatomic particles.

Very good, Winston.

Yes, ma'am.

Technically, an electron is both a particle and a wave simultaneously.

Schrodinger's equation...

Here we go again. Ha!

All right, all right, that's enough.

Schrodinger's equation is outdated.

What kind of backyard science are you practicing here?

At least I'm not obsessed with the rudimentary act of mixing two elements together to form a reaction.

You are referring to chemistry, the basis of all science.

Please. Chemistry is the proverbial black sheep of the scientific community.

No offense.

To quote Ernest Rutherford, "All science is either physics or stamp collecting."

Pssst, Ari.

Isn't that your sister?

Okay, wait. Hold up, everyone.

I have an exciting announcement.

I just found out that the first place winner of this year's state science fair

is going to be invited to attend. SIT's elite summer science program.

I know, I know. This is a huge opportunity.

And it's only three weeks away, OK. So we gotta get cracking.

Now you're dismissed.

Thank you everybody.

You're 13. So you skipped three grades?

- You? - Four.

- IQ? - 142

- You? - Unquantifiable

The SIT scholarship is mine. You know that, right?

Well, just like Miss Idol said, a little healthy competition never hurt anyone.

Competition?

Well, this is riveting.

You know there's cake in the cafeteria.

You're not going to...

I know it seems like we're being mean, but we're just trying to help you.

By stealing my things? What is this, a police state?

Have I no rights?

Your Aunt Tammy thinks that... -

Your Aunt Tammy and I think that maybe you've been spending too much time alone.

It's not healthy for a girl your age.

It's like a carburetor without a pump gasket.

Gasoline's just gonna leak all over.

What?

What your father's trying to say in his own little way.

Is that this is for you're own good, sweetheart.

Maybe it'll be nice to mix things up a little.

I don't want to mix things up. I like things the way they are.

Unmixed.

You spend every afternoon and every weekend locked in your room by yourself.

It isn't normal.

- Tammy. - It what? It isn't.

So..., just for a little while.

No more science.

- The State Science Fair... - will be there next year.

And you can still do all of your schoolwork, just no extra projects.

Exactly.

So, no doing extra... science.

You realize you can't stop me from doing science.

I'll just do science in my head.

Well, I'll know if you're doing science in your head.

You're doing it right now, aren't you?

Erwin, come on.

She never talks to anyone. Not even us.

I wish you were here.

You'd know what to do.

I'm sorry about this. They mean well.

You're right.

Telling me not to enter the science fair is like telling me not to breathe.

I can not breathe.

We can't use the PB&J machine.

Even if we perfect it, it's just not...

big enough.

And there is no way that I'm going to lose the SIT scholarship to that

obnoxious, self-important charlatan.

Mandy! Mandy, wait up!

Hey, your swelling is really going down, Sandi.

You look great.

Who's the creeper?

Are you lost?

Um, I made you guys presents.

Your phone cases.

I knitted them myself.

Aren't they like totally random?

I think you mean rancid.

Hashtag: DesperateLoser.

You're such a mess!

Oh!

Hello, Winston.

Erwin? How's your...

science fair project coming.

Great, actually. I had a big breakthrough last night.

Yeah? I mean, me too.

It practically... came up with itself.

Alright... Well...

Goodbye, Winston.

Bye.

Hi, little girl.

- You lost? - I go here.

We had homeroom together last year.

Oh, it's just a...

I was just... leaving.

I don't get it!

I follow like a thousand people on social media.

and no one will follow me back.

What am I doing wrong?

I'd give anything to be popular.

Even for just a day.

Alright...

Lab leaders, if you could please come up and get the supplies for your tables.

Calling all lab leaders.

What are you doing?

A chemical that stimulates an excess release of pheromones?

You had no right going through my notebook.

It's a popularity chemical.

- Do you think it work? - Of course it'll work.

- It's gonna require a lot of chemistry. - So?

Just, you could probably use a partner.

One who excels in that specific subset of science you so detest?

- I'd be willing to set my... - I work alone.

Suit yourself.

By the way, your equation's unbalanced. Wrong oxidation state.

- You're missing an electron. - What?

No I'm not.

It is so stupid.

I mean, seriously, when am I ever gonna use chemistry after high school?

I'm with a customer, princess.

- I am so sorry about this. - Don't worry about me...

Just pretend I'm not here.

Chex Mix.

Oh, well, hello, Erwin.

How was your day?

She's still not talking to me.

Oh, dear.

Well my day sucked.

Well I know how your day went. I was talking to your sister.

Not 'cause of the test.

Kimber told me that Amanda told her that Mandy likes Charlie.

My life is over.

Well, maybe that's a blessing. You can really focus on your schoolwork now.

She's a stupid sophomore.

Why don't you take the garbage out?

I am so sorry about this.

Oh pish, I had teenagers of my own.

It is seriously so unfair that

I always have to take the garbage out just because I can't smell.

She can't smell?

It's fine, she was born that way. Her Mom had it too.

Erwin, how did your test go?

Well you can't not talk to me forever.

I hate chemistry.

So I talked to Mrs. Idle, and apparently, if a team wins,

then both members will be invited to the

SIT summer program.

- You're saying... - I'm saying you can work with me,

but I want to make one thing perfectly clear.

We are not friends. We are work colleagues and nothing more.

Understood?

Understood.

Erwin! Door!

- What are you doing here? - I fixed the equation.

Erwin?

Don't talk about science.

- Oh! Ari's not here. You're gonna have to... - I'm actually here to see Erwin.

Um, well...

Erwin, aren't you gonna introduce us to your little friend?

He's not a friend. He's a colleague.

Okay, introduce us to your little colleague..

This is Winston.

Pleasure to meet you.

I like your hair, Mr. Page. Defies gravity.

Thank you Winston.

Most people don't think of Hair Dressing as an art form.

Which is a shame. Picasso had his paintbrushes and...

Beethoven had his piano.

And I have my comb and my hair gel.

That's great, Aunt Tammy.

Winston was actually here to help me with some homework.

Oh.

So, come on.

Okay.

Nice to meet you, Winston.

Are you crazy?

You can just show up at my house talking about equations?

Why not?

Fine.

My aunt has this draconian anti-science rule.

She thinks it's stunting my social development.

And my dad, well...

he doesn't like to rock the boat.

What about your mom? Where's she?

Physically, her body's buried at the Speeden Cemetery in Dashwood.

Metaphysically, I can't speculate.

Oh.

Why does my notebook smell weird?

I sterilized it.

- I added a hydrogen... - Shh!

This could actually work.

One second!

Don't talk about science.

Come in.

Knock, knock. I brought snacks.

Winston.

Winston.

Hi.

Why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself?

- Well... - Aunt Tammy...

we have a big history test tomorrow.

Right Winston?

Yes. Huge test.

Colossal.

Okay.

I can take a hint.

I get it. I get it. Okay.

Well...

if you want extra...

Winston, it's nice meeting you.

Really.

He's great.

I think you got some textbook on your peanut butter.

So, we'll have to do the actual experiment at your house.

Obviously.

Well...

that's not quite gonna work.

Not big enough.

And the ventilation is shoddy.

It wouldn't be safe.

Okay.

Well, I guess we'll have to figure something out here.

Erwin has a friend.

Well...

you know, at first I was worried.

Dr. Smeagol's approach was too extreme, him being an internet doctor and all.

But now I think...

taking away science was the best thing we ever did for her.

Come on, put you're back into it!

You try!

Oh, yeah.

Shoot.

What did I do with my comb?

It's Jim!

Oh, here it is.

What a nice day.

You're putting the Erlenmeyer flask there?

Yep.

I prefer to keep it on my right.

Well, um...

I'm right-handed, so...

Well, I'm right-handed too, and I'm the one that's actually doing all the chemistry,

so I don't know where you got the idea that you'd be doing all the chemistry.

This is my project.

This is exactly the sort of irrational thinking I should have expected from a Schrodinger groopy.

You couldn't have at least picked someone significant like Plank?

Plank was a hack.

A hack who originated quantum theory.

Plank just bummed into the idea one day without even realizing its magnitude.

Why don't you read a textbook?

Everyone knows Plank revolutionized our understanding of atomic and subatomic processes.

That is the rankest excuse for blindly accepting historical hogwash I've ever heard.

Everyone knows.

Why don't I just go tell Magellan not to bother with his expedition,

because everyone knows the Earth is flat.

Go right ahead, and please, don't let the fact that

everyone knows time travel is impossible stop you.

I won't!

I knew letting you launch experiment was a mistake!

You need me to deal with this!

This is never gonna work.

It is going to work.

Look around.

How are you supposed to hide all this from your aunt?

So, what exactly is he afraid of?

Sudden movements, loud noises, chipmunks, basically everything.

No, the poor deer.

- What's happening? - I don't know.

You're not gonna feel a thing.

What happened?

What do you mean?

There's was a loud noise.

like an explosion.

Well, I dropped a paint can.

That was pretty loud, right Winston?

That's beautiful.

I feel like it's speaking directly to me.

Okay.

Well, can you guys keep it quiet up here?

I've got a real live one today.

He's afraid of everything.

It doesn't matter. It's not your problem.

I'll just keep it down.

That was close.

Shower.

Now!

That's it?

That's it. We're ready for testing.

Okay.

So, how do you want to do this?

Should I take it first and then you observe or vice versa?

I'm open, but I think that I should be the one.

We can't test it on ourselves.

We need to remain objective.

This project is way too important to make a rookie mistake like that.

No, you're right.

So, all we need to do is find a test subject.

Any ideas?

I don't get it.

The gum contains a chemical.

When you chew it, the chemical is released and it spreads throughout your entire body,

causing you to give off pheromones.

Each stick lasts two to three hours and will affect anyone within a 50-foot radius.

The pheromones enter through the nasal passages

and trigger the release of endorphins that then flood the amygdala.

It's as simple as that.

I still don't get it.

You try explaining it to her.

Okay.

This gum will make you popular.

Are you sure we're 50 feet away?

62.

I measured it this morning before school.

Our scientific careers are hanging in the balance and you're eating soup.

Why not?

I mean, the equation was flawless and we followed it to the letter.

It'll work.

Science is exactitude.

Science is trial and error.

Hey Mandi! Hey Sandi!

Hi.

Hey, guys.

It's happening.

It's not working.

We should have double-checked the metathesis reactions.

Wait for it.

Can we sit here?

Yes.

Yes, sure.

Sit away.

I love your hair, Casey.

You do?

It's like poetry.

Chez chic.

Someone just liked my post.

Duh... I did.

Me too.

Want to post a facie?

What?

A face selfie.

Because we're based now, of course.

Hey, Winston.

Hey there, partner.

What are you doing here?

Are you following me?

No, I was just...

Is this where you live?

This is where my uncle lives.

And I live with him.

Aren't you coming?

Uh, look.

Don't breathe through your nose, okay?

Okay.

Casa Chez Winston.

Impressive.

So, you hungry?

I could eat.

It's beautiful.

Kind of makes you feel small, doesn't it?

Nothing exists except atoms and empty space.

Everything else is opinion.

Exactly.

Can you imagine an entire summer at SIT working with a particle accelerator?

I get chills just thinking about it.

I'm just looking forward to being anywhere else but here.

An entire summer where nobody calls me baby genius or...

Quackers.

Teenagers are so unoriginal.

It doesn't matter.

All that matters is that we win this scholarship.

You know, I think we might be missing something.

Missing?

Our experiment could be deemed biased because we only have a female test subject.

Our findings would be a lot stronger if we could prove the results are consistent for both sexes.

So we need a male test subject.

Not just that.

We need the most unpopular male test subject we can find.

Silver Surfer versus who?

I mean, who could possibly defeat the ex-Herald of Galactus who wields the power cosmic?

- I got it... - Shut up, Alan.

I'd go with Thor.

He's a god, the son of Odin.

He can summon lightning and thunder.

Plus, Thor has his hammer, Mjolnir.

But Thor would have to get close to the Silver Surfer to even hit him with Mjolnir,

where a surfer could easily just destroy him from a distance with his cosmic blasts.

What about...

Thor would just block the blasts with Mjolnir.

Thor can't just block forever.

I'd go with Robin.

Robin?

From Batman and Robin?

The surfer would destroy Robin in like three seconds.

Oh, you're forgetting? Robin is an acrobat.

So?

So he'd be able to evade the Silver Surfer, then use a net for...

A net?

You're telling me Robin can defeat the Silver Surfer,

a man who can turn matter into energy, and travel through time with a net?

You literally couldn't have picked a lamer superhero.

What are you talking about?

He's Batman's best friend!

He always peppers the conversation with amazing cast phrases,

like, like, like, holy Toledo, Batman!

Or, or this brassy bird has us buffalowed!

He's transcendent.

You have to stop calling things transcendent. You sound like a jerk.

You're lucky we need more than two members for official club status.

Okay, who's your real choice?

That is my real choice!

That's a terrible choice.

You're always so condescending.

Excuse me?

In this pack of gum, I hold a power that could bring the world to its knees.

Dare I accept this great and noble responsibility?

With it comes a hefty moral obligation to all mankind.

What if I refuse?

And it falls into the wrong hands?

Oh, this kind of power would ruin a weaker man!

There's so much at stake!

I humbly accept.

I'd be the Green Lantern.

Invisibility, impervious shield, can generate any object with his power ring.

Super-mega taken.

Not if Lantern generated kryptonite.

Touché.

I'd take Robin.

Robin was trained in Aikido, leopard kung-fu, and karate.

Jesus, Alan, that is so...

brilliant.

I want to change my answer.

I'd like to be Robin too.

How did I not see it before?

It's all about the leopard kung-fu.

♪ Light me up and I'll go. ♪

♪ Light me up and I'll go. ♪

Look.

She smells like summer vacation.

It's new clothes.

She smells like the mall.

No way.

She smells exactly like Cody recommends deodorant.

So what are you doing this weekend, Alan?

I was thinking that maybe we could go on a romantic picnic at the lake.

You should come over to my house this weekend.

I have a hot tub.

I like it when my fingers get pruney too.

My uncle owns a comic book store.

Maybe we could...

Yes, you, I think you.

So then I was like...

Robin strikes a heroic pose.

His yellow cape billowing in the wind.

And he says, holy rescue, Batman.

Looks like you could use a hand.

Oh, this is so transcendent.

Ew, gross.

What are those?

Ew, iPhone covers.

Aren't they random?

We so need to get into knitting.

Totally.

Knitting is sick.

Since when?

That's odd.

What is?

Everyone's got those phone things Casey made except for your sister.

Well, I guess that makes sense.

Ari doesn't have a sense of smell.

What?

Yeah, it's called an Osmium.

Control group. I like it.

Hey, look at Ari's table.

I am.

No.

Look at how far away it is from Casey.

It's over 50 feet away, which means...

after exposure, the chemical's effects are no longer determined by proximity.

This is huge.

We're going to destroy the science fair competition.

Destroy?

Erwin, we're going to obliterate their molecular bonds.

They're going to disintegrate like silicon oxide and hydrofluoric acid.

This is the kind of breakthrough that can change the course of human history.

We could win a Nobel Prize.

To the science fair.

To be fair, she did say bright yellow.

Actually, I think it came out pretty good.

So Erwin, how was your day?

Status quo.

What are you and Winston up to?

Oh my God.

Kimber said the funniest thing about quackers today.

Don't call him that.

What? That's his name.

His name is Winston.

That's what I said. Quackers.

- Ari. - What?

Don't make fun of Erwin's friend.

Her colleague.

So I'm the bad guy now?

Quackers is the biggest loser at school.

Not making fun of him would be like...

riding a bus or wearing white pants.

What are you talking about?

That's enough, Ari.

He wears his pants up past his waist.

He walks like a duck. He's so weird.

He is not.

Some people at school actually know you're my sister.

It's embarrassing.

Arthur, a little help, please.

You do something different with the potatoes?

They're great.

Erwin, did you hear what I just said?

Yeah, sorry.

So you'll make more gum for Casey?

Yeah, of course.

Good.

I've sneezed twice today.

I'm coming down with something.

I should have never touched that library book.

I'm sure you're fine.

I'm going to see the nurse for an evaluation.

It was just a sneeze.

You're not safe.

My body's an incubator of disease.

I hate how organized everything is.

I can't find anything.

Check the orange binder, section 5B.

So you're telling me that I'm going to have to do all the work this week

just because you're a hypochondriac?

It would be irresponsible of me to expose innocent people

to the army of hostile pathogens marching through my body.

Look, if you really need me there...

No.

No, it's...

it's okay.

You're right.

Better safe than sorry.

Just stay home and rest, okay?

I'll be fine.

What are you looking at?

Erwin!

Coming.

All right, let's choose teams.

Erwin, are we participating today?

We are.

Okay, then.

Charlie, you pick first.

I'll take...

Erwin.

I was going to pick Erwin.

What the...

There you are.

Where'd you get that sweater vest?

It's epic.

Your glasses are so cool.

I wish I needed glasses.

What are you talking about?

You wear contacts.

Oh, yeah.

How come we never hang out with Erwin?

You guys are like sisters, right, Ari?

Don't remind me.

So, Erwin, are you going to sit with us at lunch?

Oh, I don't know.

Oh, my God, you have to.

It won't be any fun without you.

What are you doing?

She can't sit with us?

Actually, I will sit with you guys.

Thanks.

Awesome, guys!

Okay.

Bye.

Bye.

I'm so excited.

Is this a joke?

What do you mean?

You like her sweater vest?

You're acting insane.

If you have a problem with Erwin, you don't have to sit with us.

No one's forcing you.

Yeah.

Of course I'm sitting with you guys.

I mean, I knew the chemical worked, but

experiencing it firsthand was, I don't know, exhilarating.

Did you have fun today?

You and all your new friends?

Actually, yes, I did.

Listen, I don't know how you're brainwashing everyone

into thinking you're cool, but

you're not cool, Erwin.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

It's just a project for school.

Erwin.

Winston, you're back.

I woke up with a 98-degree temperature and a clear set of nasal passages.

That's great.

Great.

I will see you later.

Okay, bye.

Erwin!

Hey, Erwin.

Come sit with us.

Just me.

Oh, hey, what do you think of the friendship formula as a title?

What are you wearing that for?

I know you're using the chemical.

Why would you say that?

I saw you at the popular table.

So you don't think I can make friends on my own?

That's not what I meant.

But you're all anyone at school is talking about.

I'm not an idiot.

Just tell me the truth.

Fine.

I use the chemical.

But what's so wrong with that?

Having friends isn't a bad thing.

We're supposed to stay objective.

So we can use it on Casey and Alan, but we can't use it on ourselves?

We're the ones who created the chemical.

We should be the ones to benefit from it.

You could use it too.

Think about it.

No more quackers or being treated like little kid freaks.

Isn't that what you want?

I thought you were smarter than that.

I'm smarter than you.

I know you are, but you're not acting like it.

I know it feels great to be popular,

but what about what it wears out?

Nothing has changed.

They're not your real friends.

Well, it's better than having no friends at all.

You know, maybe I don't want to spend the

rest of high school being made fun of for hanging out with you.

Fine.

If that's how you feel, find yourself another science fair partner.

You know, I didn't need a partner in the first place.

I'll collect the Nobel Prize by myself.

♪ Why is this bitter fountain ♪ ♪ flowing through my heart? ♪

♪ Will we ever change what's written in our star? ♪

♪ Am I just a pawn for someone's selfish games? ♪

♪ Do you really want something more than yesterday? ♪

♪ Can I start and think things over? ♪

♪ I see the ark, and the story isn't done until it's done. ♪

♪ So leave your mark, you're one step closer. ♪

♪ To the day, the day you're morning comes. ♪

Isn't it beautiful?

Doesn't it kind of make you feel small?

Your pores are huge, Amanda.

What?

No, they're not.

You know, they say nothing exists except atoms in empty space.

Everything else is opinion.

Are you sure you guys don't want to go to the mall or something?

Shut up, Ari.

Look, Erwin, Blake and Danielle are hanging out.

Who?

Whitney is going to be so mad.

I can't wait to tell her.

Where are we?

And what am I wearing?

This place looks really familiar.

Yeah, we're on the school roof.

You made us come here.

I wanted to go to the movies.

We're at school.

On the weekend?

Oh, my God.

What if someone sees us?

So, are we gonna leave or what?

No way.

I mean, unless Erwin wants to.

I bet we can see Jake M's house from here.

That's not what it's...

Never mind.

This was the best idea, Erwin.

What's wrong, kiddo?

Nothing.

Feels like maybe something's up.

You got bored fiddling with toasters when you were eight.

Hey, how's your science fair project going along?

Fine.

I mean, I'm not...

How'd you know?

Erwin, someone came over here to help you with your homework?

You haven't needed help with your homework since...

Ever?

What happened to that kid anyway? He hasn't been here in a while.

Nothing. I don't know.

We're not friends.

I'm not trying to give advice to a genius.

I'm smart enough to know I'm not smart enough for that.

But I will tell you something about cars.

Dad, I...

Hang on, hang on. Hear me out.

Finding a good engine piston isn't easy.

Not the high-end Swiss ones that are...

Tolerant.

Sturdy.

Reliable.

Find one of those, you put in the extra time to make sure it lasts.

Your mom was a top-of-the-line piston.

Smells like pot roast, huh?

Dad, you...

You won't tell Aunt Tammy about the science fair.

Will you?

What science fair?

Hello, Winston.

Erwin.

You know, it's all gonna mix in your digestive tract anyway.

You don't say.

How'd your new science fair project turn out?

We'll find out tomorrow.

So I've been thinking.

And maybe we could still present together.

I mean, you did do half the work.

I think it'd be a little unfair for me to take all the credit.

That's okay.

You were right.

I shouldn't have used the chemical.

It was unprofessional.

We're a team.

We started this together, we should end it together.

Thanks, but I'm just gonna stick to my own project.

Come on, Winston.

It was just one fight.

You think Watson and Crick never had a disagreement?

Good luck tomorrow.

By the way, when's the last time you checked on your other test subjects?

Hey!

Take it, it's yours.

Dislike.

Hashtag heinous.

The thing was so one week ago.

Hashtag get a life.

Hashtag your mom's your only friend.

It's your friend.

Mr. Hooper, what are you doing?

Burning everything that isn't a comic book.

Alan's orders.

On one side, we have Captain Namor.

And on the other, we have the older of Davis Street, Fowl Man.

Best of luck to you both, gentlemen.

Go!

When the school sends a book about the Civil War for homework,

it sends a clear message that violence is okay.

My Carl reads that book, and the other day, I find him throwing rocks at the cat.

We all have our cross to bear.

I don't know how you deal with little Erwin.

I mean, I think I have problems.

Well, what do you mean by that?

Well, you said it yourself, Erwin's difficult.

Can't be nearly as hard as having a kid that's that different.

So, are you saying my niece's insanely high IQ is somehow

worse than having a kid that tortures animals?

My little Erwin is gonna do something amazing with her life.

She's going to cure cancer and world hunger, invent a bleach that doesn't damage hair.

Who knows?

The world's gonna be better because she is that different.

Tammy, Tammy, I was only saying that...

You know what?

How dare you come into my home and insult my family?

Get out!

What?

Get out!

What about my hair?

Out!

I don't care about your hair.

I don't care about you at all, as a matter of fact.

Get out of my house. Go.

You're home.

You know what?

I'm gonna go to the grocery store.

Can I get you something special?

I'm gonna get you something special.

She said I was amazing and that I was gonna do something incredible to make the world a better place.

You're right.

This isn't it.

We need more gum.

Oh, I'm actually glad you're both here.

I was planning on telling you Monday, but the experiment's over.

Thank you for participating.

I don't think so.

No gum.

My aunt went to the beauty supply store at 9 a.m.

She's never gone for more than an hour and a half.

So?

So, she's gonna be home soon.

You want us to leave? Fine.

Just give us the gum.

I don't know about Casey here,

but I'm not going back to being the lap dog of the comic book club.

You don't understand, Erwin.

They worship me.

Without the gum, you remember what it was like.

I had zero followers.

I can't give you any more gum.

The chemical is dangerous.

No, no, no, no, it's not dangerous.

It changed my life.

I'm sorry, Casey.

This is a waste of time.

In issue 12 of the Accidental Avenger,

Sinister Slug can't get the Avenger to give him the launch codes for the nuclear explosives.

But eventually...

he got him to talk.

How?

He applied a little pressure.

Wait.

We want the gum.

Give us the gum.

What?

It's just a poster.

Oh.

Then I guess you wouldn't mind if I did this.

I don't know what you intend to accomplish.

No, wait, stop!

It's in the top drawer.

It's not here.

Yes, it is.

That's weird.

I had at least two packs in there.

Where do they go?

Tell us where it is.

I'm sorry, I don't know what happened.

It was there this morning.

I swear.

So whip out your chemistry set and make us some more.

It would take at least three days.

I mean, the titration alone takes 24 hours, and then it has to sit for...

We want the gum.

No, no, okay?

We can get more from Winston, okay?

He has more.

Take us to Winston.

I don't know, I think I like the red one.

Me too, the red one would look so hot on you.

Totally.

So you don't think I like hot in the pink one?

No, I mean, yes.

You look super hot in both of them.

I guess I'll get the red one.

Great choice.

Totally.

Oh, yikes, never mind.

Oh, don't worry about the price.

I'll buy it for you.

No, I want to buy it for you.

No need to fight.

I'll buy them both.

Just watch this.

Dude.

Hey, Charlie.

Winston.

Erwin.

Not bad.

You think so?

Definitely.

Well, I doubt it would be your project.

I didn't enter.

Why not?

The gum.

Oh, right, um, of course.

Winston, I need more gum.

I don't have any you had at all.

I know, but the extra pack?

What extra pack?

You know, the extra pack.

I have no idea what you're talking about, Erwin.

He doesn't have any?

Seriously?

You've brought us here for nothing?

No, he has more.

Winston, I need you to think very carefully.

You remember the extra pack you were holding on to in case of emergencies?

Oh, right.

The extra pack of gum.

I've got it right here.

What about my poster?

I'd start making more gum if I were you.

Let's go.

You okay?

You were right about the chemical.

Turned them into monsters.

I'd hate to be there when they realize it's regular gum.

I just can't figure out what happened to the rest of it.

You didn't use it all?

No, I had at least two packs left.

I'd stake my life on it.

Hey, isn't that your sister?

Oh, no.

She took the gum.

What do we do?

Oh, I'm up next.

Okay.

You're gonna stay here and win this thing, and I'm gonna go help Ari.

And Winston...

I'm really sorry.

And what do you have for us, young man?

Excuse me, but I have to go.

That was crazy.

Sorry.

Stop.

Hey!

What is wrong with you?

I'm trying to mask your smell.

It's stuck.

Let me try.

I hate you.

They can still smell you.

Awesome. So I'm soaked in dirty mop water for nothing.

What now genius?

I can't smell them.

Ari!

This way, this way!

It's locked!

What will we do now?

You guys go in there.

I'll distract them.

You okay?

Don't talk to me.

Seriously?

You're mad at me. I just saved you.

I wouldn't have needed saving if it weren't for your stupid gum.

You were the one who went into my room and stole my science project.

Don't turn this on me.

Well, at least I never tried to destroy your life.

What are you talking about?

I never tried to destroy your life.

You are so dense.

You stole my friends.

You messed up any chance I had with Charlie by being a bratty show-off.

I mean, just... why?

Seriously, why do you hate me so much?

I thought you hated me.

I do now.

You were never nice to me.

Even when we were little.

What was I supposed to do?

Take apart toasters and help cure cancer?

I'm not like you.

We're supposed to be sisters.

Don't give me that.

My kid sister's a science genius, and I'm failing chemistry and math.

I'm not going to do your homework for you, Ari.

Will you at least help me?

You would want my help.

I can't repeat the 11th grade while all my friends are seniors.

I'd be a leper.

You just don't get it, do you?

You have this, like, perfect future

all planned out in front of you.

You don't even have to try.

High school, friends, being popular, that's all I have.

Look, I'm sorry I stole your stupid project.

Like, you have no idea how sorry I am.

Thanks.

So, how long do we have to stay in here for?

You chewed both packs?

We're going to be here a while.

Hello, Cretans!

Who wants to carry me home?

These puppies are really barking.

Didn't work for you either, huh?

I'm a disgrace to the yellow cape.

We kind of had it coming.

You know, that string really brings out your eyes.

It's yarn, actually.

Coast is clear.

You guys okay?

Do I look okay?

We're fine.

So, who won?

Some sophomore from upstate.

She did her project on the properties of alkaline metals.

Child's play.

She'll be spending her summer at SIT.

We'll be stuck here.

I'm really sorry, Winston.

It's all my fault.

I mean, you would have smoked them if it wasn't for me.

Well, there's always next year.

Although, I'm sure you'd annihilate me.

Not if we worked together.

I mean, if you'd even want to.

Colleagues.

Friends.

You didn't sterilize your hand.

I guess I didn't.

Even though I didn't win the Nobel Prize and

even though only a couple people ever knew

I'd made the greatest scientific discovery of the century,

things were pretty different after that day.

I agreed to help Ari with her homework, and I have to admit, she surprised me.

Aunt Tammy decided to let me do science again.

As if I'd ever stopped.

Here's the thing.

Darwin's theory, survival of the fittest,

doesn't actually mean that you have to be popular to thrive.

Life isn't about being liked by everybody.

But you do need somebody.

Schrodinger had it right when he said that

subatomic particles have no meaning as isolated entities.

You know, control group, what kind of half-baked operation do you think you're running here?

You say we weren't gonna have a control group.

You did.

You just did.

No, okay, what I meant is that we weren't gonna use a stable control group.

Okay, but that's not what you said.

You can see how I thought that you said...

Okay, well, I meant a stable control group.

Okay, well, regardless, you're math is wrong.

What? No, it's not.

You forgot to carry the wire.

I think you're getting your chemistry down.

Thank you.

Um, okay, so let's move on to the next part.