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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,700 --> 00:00:04,390 Hey, guys, guess what. 2 00:00:04,570 --> 00:00:07,590 Tomorrow is Dan's birthday. 3 00:00:09,810 --> 00:00:13,000 So I was thinking, why don't we give him 4 00:00:09,810 --> 00:00:13,000 a surprise birthday party? 5 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,670 Because we all hate him. 6 00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:18,150 Oh, yeah, right. 7 00:00:18,310 --> 00:00:21,310 On the other hand, if we start treating Dan 8 00:00:18,310 --> 00:00:21,310 like a human being... 9 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:23,420 ...maybe he'll start acting like one. 10 00:00:23,820 --> 00:00:26,950 Really. Really. Mrs. Claus caught him 11 00:00:23,820 --> 00:00:26,950 with one of the lady elves... 12 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:29,350 ...in back of the sleigh. 13 00:00:32,930 --> 00:00:37,230 Preliminary hearing's next week. 14 00:00:32,930 --> 00:00:37,230 Tell all your little friends. 15 00:00:38,170 --> 00:00:40,930 You were saying, sir? 16 00:00:41,100 --> 00:00:45,270 What do you say we all chip in 17 00:00:41,100 --> 00:00:45,270 and get him a serious wound? 18 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:48,880 - Hey, guys. 19 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:48,880 Hey, Leon. 20 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:52,450 - I'm gonna do my homework now, Harry. 21 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:52,450 - Great. Did you clean up your room? 22 00:00:52,610 --> 00:00:53,640 Yes, sir. 23 00:00:53,820 --> 00:00:56,840 But I think I used too much wax 24 00:00:53,820 --> 00:00:56,840 on the carpet. Ha. 25 00:01:00,490 --> 00:01:04,620 - Anybody need a vacuum? 26 00:01:00,490 --> 00:01:04,620 - You know, I really do admire you, sir. 27 00:01:04,790 --> 00:01:07,960 Taking care of a boy that age 28 00:01:04,790 --> 00:01:07,960 is a big responsibility. 29 00:01:08,130 --> 00:01:10,600 Someday, 30 00:01:08,130 --> 00:01:10,600 I plan to have a family of my own. 31 00:01:10,770 --> 00:01:13,760 Hi, Mac. 32 00:01:10,770 --> 00:01:13,760 My family just came in from Vietnam... 33 00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:16,840 ...and they've decided to live with us. 34 00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:24,070 Ask and ye shall receive. 35 00:02:15,130 --> 00:02:17,000 Yeah? 36 00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:20,570 Sir, I just picked up the birthday cake 37 00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:20,570 for Dan's surprise party tonight. 38 00:02:20,740 --> 00:02:23,300 - Great. Let's have a look. 39 00:02:20,740 --> 00:02:23,300 - Okay, sir. 40 00:02:24,670 --> 00:02:26,900 But hold on to your hat. 41 00:02:28,580 --> 00:02:32,710 I had it made 42 00:02:28,580 --> 00:02:32,710 at one of those X-rated bakeries. 43 00:02:39,620 --> 00:02:42,890 - Is that--? 44 00:02:39,620 --> 00:02:42,890 - Strawberry cream, yes, sir. 45 00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:49,200 - You think Dan will like it? 46 00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:49,200 - I think he'll marry it. 47 00:02:50,530 --> 00:02:53,000 Harry. 48 00:02:50,530 --> 00:02:53,000 - Gotta go. 49 00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:59,440 Oh, ha, ha, guess what. Go ahead. 50 00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:59,440 Take the wildest guess you can think of. 51 00:02:59,610 --> 00:03:03,840 Morley Safer 52 00:02:59,610 --> 00:03:03,840 is doing a plate-spinning act in Vegas? 53 00:03:04,580 --> 00:03:07,980 Okay, take the second wildest guess 54 00:03:04,580 --> 00:03:07,980 you can think of. 55 00:03:08,150 --> 00:03:12,020 - Well, I'm afraid it involves Morley again. 56 00:03:08,150 --> 00:03:12,020 - Never mind. 57 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:17,320 Finally got a date 58 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:17,320 with that nympho in Xerox. 59 00:03:18,790 --> 00:03:21,230 - Really? 60 00:03:18,790 --> 00:03:21,230 - She's from California. 61 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:24,370 - Oh, Dan. 62 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:24,370 - California. 63 00:03:24,530 --> 00:03:28,230 I'm not even gonna have 64 00:03:24,530 --> 00:03:28,230 to buy her dinner. 65 00:03:30,270 --> 00:03:32,670 I'm real happy for you, Dan. 66 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:35,280 Why don't you bring her 67 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:35,280 by my apartment tonight, huh? 68 00:03:35,940 --> 00:03:39,280 I'd like to go it alone this time. 69 00:03:35,940 --> 00:03:39,280 Maybe next week, huh? 70 00:03:39,450 --> 00:03:41,280 Dan. 71 00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:47,450 I'm having a surprise birthday party 72 00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:47,450 for you tonight. 73 00:03:47,620 --> 00:03:48,650 Huh? 74 00:03:52,290 --> 00:03:54,160 A surprise party? For me? 75 00:03:56,470 --> 00:04:00,460 Harry, no one has ever done anything 76 00:03:56,470 --> 00:04:00,460 like that for me before in my life. 77 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:05,160 No one has ever cared that much. 78 00:04:05,510 --> 00:04:07,640 Maybe some other time. 79 00:04:07,810 --> 00:04:12,040 Dan, I went out on a limb for you 80 00:04:07,810 --> 00:04:12,040 on this one. 81 00:04:12,580 --> 00:04:14,450 - What about my date? 82 00:04:12,580 --> 00:04:14,450 - Bring her along. 83 00:04:14,620 --> 00:04:19,250 - Uh, she only eats health food. 84 00:04:14,620 --> 00:04:19,250 - We'll have hay. 85 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:35,600 Here's your coffee. 86 00:04:35,770 --> 00:04:40,230 Look at them over there, 87 00:04:35,770 --> 00:04:40,230 smiling and laughing... 88 00:04:40,710 --> 00:04:44,410 ...and wondering what's in my refrigerator 89 00:04:40,710 --> 00:04:44,410 they missed. 90 00:04:45,610 --> 00:04:50,050 - They didn't bring anything with them? 91 00:04:45,610 --> 00:04:50,050 - A sacred calf. 92 00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:51,850 Oh. 93 00:04:52,020 --> 00:04:55,720 That kind of puts the damper on rib night, 94 00:04:52,020 --> 00:04:55,720 then, doesn't it? 95 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,880 If only they didn't follow me to work. 96 00:04:59,060 --> 00:05:02,050 Oh, come on. 97 00:04:59,060 --> 00:05:02,050 I bet they're just proud of you. 98 00:05:02,530 --> 00:05:04,300 Watch this. 99 00:05:14,210 --> 00:05:17,610 They must go to pieces when you file. 100 00:05:19,580 --> 00:05:20,810 Okay. Ha, ha. 101 00:05:20,980 --> 00:05:26,080 Now, I got us a room at this quaint little 102 00:05:20,980 --> 00:05:26,080 18th-century inn on Long Island. 103 00:05:26,250 --> 00:05:28,550 Wow, totally awesome. 104 00:05:28,990 --> 00:05:31,050 I beg your pardon? 105 00:05:31,230 --> 00:05:32,960 Just don't forget, Danny... 106 00:05:33,130 --> 00:05:36,360 ...my sexual biorhythms 107 00:05:33,130 --> 00:05:36,360 hit their apex at midnight. 108 00:05:36,530 --> 00:05:38,360 Midnight. 109 00:05:38,530 --> 00:05:40,970 What happens at, uh, 12:01? 110 00:05:41,370 --> 00:05:45,070 Heh. Remember Cinderella? 111 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,980 Cinderella. 112 00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:51,550 Her two ugly stepsisters. 113 00:05:51,710 --> 00:05:53,680 All right, bring them. 114 00:05:57,890 --> 00:06:00,320 "Remove watch." 115 00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:07,530 "Put watch in magic bag." 116 00:06:09,700 --> 00:06:12,460 "Hit watch with hammer." 117 00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:19,270 "Twice." 118 00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:26,040 "Caution: 119 00:06:26,210 --> 00:06:30,240 Do not hit watch with hammer really. 120 00:06:31,950 --> 00:06:37,120 Read chapter 14, 121 00:06:31,950 --> 00:06:37,120 'Palming the Phony Watch.'" 122 00:06:41,260 --> 00:06:42,730 Aw. 123 00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:47,170 Evening, sir. 124 00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:47,170 I've got the party favors for tonight. 125 00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:48,460 Swell. 126 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:53,840 Some of them are, uh, 127 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:53,840 a little bit, um, naughty. Ha, ha. 128 00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:58,270 Really? Let's have a look. 129 00:07:02,780 --> 00:07:05,780 Couple of toads playing leapfrog? 130 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:11,060 Is that what they're doing? 131 00:07:12,030 --> 00:07:13,690 Afraid so. 132 00:07:13,860 --> 00:07:16,350 Well, it's the thought that counts. 133 00:07:18,870 --> 00:07:21,770 I want them dead. 134 00:07:22,170 --> 00:07:23,640 Mac, what happened? 135 00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:28,800 Quon Le's family declared my lunch hour 136 00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:28,800 as a religious holiday. 137 00:07:28,980 --> 00:07:32,610 - Oh, where are they now? 138 00:07:28,980 --> 00:07:32,610 - Blessing the salad bar. 139 00:07:33,780 --> 00:07:37,240 - I've been there. It couldn't hurt. 140 00:07:33,780 --> 00:07:37,240 - Sir, I gotta talk to somebody. 141 00:07:37,420 --> 00:07:39,820 I'm afraid I may do something drastic. 142 00:07:39,990 --> 00:07:42,690 I mean, Quon Le's family 143 00:07:39,990 --> 00:07:42,690 acts as if my sole role in life... 144 00:07:42,860 --> 00:07:44,830 ...is to cater to their every need. 145 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:49,220 Well, yeah, Mac, in all fairness, they should 146 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:49,220 be willing to make some kind of sacrifice. 147 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:52,560 Oh, they did. 148 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:52,560 Guess who had to clean it up. 149 00:07:54,470 --> 00:07:57,530 Mac, maybe I could help. 150 00:07:54,470 --> 00:07:57,530 I could talk to them at the party tonight. 151 00:07:57,710 --> 00:07:59,170 At the party tonight? 152 00:07:59,340 --> 00:08:02,970 You invited Quon Le's family 153 00:07:59,340 --> 00:08:02,970 to the party tonight? 154 00:08:05,150 --> 00:08:06,240 Yeah. 155 00:08:07,350 --> 00:08:09,220 Didn't wanna be rude. 156 00:08:09,380 --> 00:08:12,220 They'll probably bring the cattle. 157 00:08:14,420 --> 00:08:16,320 Hay it is. 158 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:31,660 Shh. 159 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,500 He's coming. 160 00:08:40,450 --> 00:08:42,420 Surprise! 161 00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:50,460 Friends. What can I say but thank you? 162 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,000 Gotta go. Bye. 163 00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:59,360 Not on your life. 164 00:08:59,530 --> 00:09:04,130 You are about to witness 165 00:08:59,530 --> 00:09:04,130 The Amazing Harry... 166 00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:08,330 ...with his prestidigitation wizardry. 167 00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:08,330 Ha, ha. 168 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:12,970 Oh, thank you. I'm starved. 169 00:09:14,780 --> 00:09:19,120 - Come on, we'll go swish it in the dip. 170 00:09:14,780 --> 00:09:19,120 - Everybody, take a seat, take a seat. 171 00:09:19,290 --> 00:09:20,690 Tonight, I will be assisted... 172 00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:24,260 ...by the very able and lovely 173 00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:24,260 and ever-present Mr. Leoni. 174 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,590 He made me do it. 175 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:33,100 How about a little magic music, 176 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:33,100 Mr. Leoni? 177 00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:40,800 That's plenty of the magic music, Mr. Leoni. 178 00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:40,800 I need the magic ball. 179 00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:43,600 I need the magic bucket. 180 00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:47,110 And now, friends, watch. 181 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:51,520 Watch as the magic ball 182 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:51,520 makes its mysterious journey. 183 00:09:51,690 --> 00:09:53,990 Look. Look. 184 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:59,620 It floats, and it flies, and it-- 185 00:09:59,790 --> 00:10:02,420 Bores us to tears. 186 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:05,470 Come on, people, I'm working here. 187 00:10:05,870 --> 00:10:07,670 We'll skip the magic ball for the moment. 188 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:13,240 - Well, I thought that was cute. 189 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:13,240 - Look, he's taking out something else. 190 00:10:13,410 --> 00:10:16,400 Oh, God, let it be a TV Guide. 191 00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:20,180 A traditional classic, 192 00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:20,180 always a crowd pleaser... 193 00:10:20,350 --> 00:10:21,610 ...the rabbit from the hat. 194 00:10:22,980 --> 00:10:25,720 Look, there's a little hair. Ha-ha-ha. 195 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,360 But seriously, folks. 196 00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:32,390 Sir, would you examine the hat 197 00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:32,390 and see it is absolutely empty? 198 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:36,790 Is it safe to assume 199 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:36,790 those aren't Raisinets? 200 00:10:38,030 --> 00:10:39,970 Oh, God. 201 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:47,630 There will be a short intermission while 202 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:47,630 Mr. Leoni and I prepare for the grand finale. 203 00:10:49,140 --> 00:10:52,050 - What time is it, Danny? 204 00:10:49,140 --> 00:10:52,050 Uh, 9:37. 205 00:10:54,180 --> 00:10:56,450 - I think it's beginning. 206 00:10:54,180 --> 00:10:56,450 - Oh, no, don't start without me. 207 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:01,080 - Yes. Yes, I'm on my upward curve. 208 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:01,080 - I'm not. 209 00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:03,120 Just wait. I'll get you some punch. 210 00:11:03,290 --> 00:11:07,020 - Wait, no. Come with me to the bowl. 211 00:11:03,290 --> 00:11:07,020 - Okay. 212 00:11:08,900 --> 00:11:10,920 Uh, Fritos. 213 00:11:17,740 --> 00:11:19,640 Onion dip. 214 00:11:22,810 --> 00:11:24,750 Oh, no. 215 00:11:24,910 --> 00:11:26,640 "Oh, no," what? 216 00:11:26,810 --> 00:11:30,010 Grandmother Duc says she's very sorry 217 00:11:26,810 --> 00:11:30,010 about your TV set. 218 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,590 She had no idea. 219 00:11:32,390 --> 00:11:36,850 - What about my TV set? 220 00:11:32,390 --> 00:11:36,850 - She said she didn't know what it was. 221 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:40,460 She thought evil spirits 222 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:40,460 had invaded our furniture. 223 00:11:40,630 --> 00:11:43,530 - And...? 224 00:11:40,630 --> 00:11:43,530 - She released them. 225 00:11:43,700 --> 00:11:45,460 - With...? 226 00:11:43,700 --> 00:11:45,460 - A sledgehammer. 227 00:11:47,670 --> 00:11:51,370 And here it is, friends, the magic box. 228 00:11:51,540 --> 00:11:55,070 - That is it. 229 00:11:51,540 --> 00:11:55,070 - It sure as shooting is, Mac. 230 00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:57,800 Miss Sullivan, enter la magic box. 231 00:11:57,980 --> 00:12:01,750 I didn't say anything 232 00:11:57,980 --> 00:12:01,750 when they planted crops in my bathtub. 233 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:04,010 Kind of small in there, isn't it? 234 00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:07,590 I didn't say anything when they constructed 235 00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:07,590 a shrine in my garage. 236 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:09,550 Just one leg at a time. 237 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:13,960 But they touched my TV. 238 00:12:14,330 --> 00:12:15,990 Okay. What do I do now? 239 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:19,730 All you have to do is scream 240 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:19,730 when I cut through your vital organs. 241 00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:24,470 - Just like that. 242 00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:24,470 - What's the matter? 243 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:29,580 I feel the tortured souls of my ancestors 244 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:29,580 crying out in agony. 245 00:12:31,010 --> 00:12:32,610 Okay. 246 00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:37,910 I don't wanna hear any more 247 00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:37,910 of this tortured-ancestral-soul jive talk. 248 00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:42,180 Now watch as I ram the blades 249 00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:42,180 through her body. 250 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:45,330 Now we're talking fun. 251 00:12:45,490 --> 00:12:49,900 - I want them out! 252 00:12:45,490 --> 00:12:49,900 - You have dishonored my family. 253 00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:52,190 Do you realize what this means? 254 00:12:52,370 --> 00:12:58,100 And though she appears to be whole, 255 00:12:52,370 --> 00:12:58,100 she is indeed half. 256 00:12:59,140 --> 00:13:00,440 My legs. 257 00:13:00,610 --> 00:13:04,380 Oh, Christine, 258 00:13:00,610 --> 00:13:04,380 would you please stop whining? 259 00:13:08,350 --> 00:13:10,180 Hello? 260 00:13:12,590 --> 00:13:14,080 Mrs. Lund. 261 00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:15,950 Oh, heh. 262 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:20,290 Miss Sullivan, you know Mrs. Lund 263 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:20,290 from Juvenile Services? 264 00:13:20,460 --> 00:13:22,560 Oh, yeah, hi. 265 00:13:23,830 --> 00:13:29,100 - Hi. 266 00:13:23,830 --> 00:13:29,100 - I want those evil spirits put back in my TV! 267 00:13:29,970 --> 00:13:32,030 So, what brings you 268 00:13:29,970 --> 00:13:32,030 to our neighborhood, huh? 269 00:13:32,210 --> 00:13:36,010 Harry, she's in a sexual trance. 270 00:13:32,210 --> 00:13:36,010 I need ice. 271 00:13:36,180 --> 00:13:39,310 - In the bucket next to the freezer. 272 00:13:36,180 --> 00:13:39,310 - Right. 273 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:46,850 Well, as you know, our agency requires us 274 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:46,850 to make these surprise inspections-- 275 00:13:47,020 --> 00:13:50,790 Sir, I'm afraid they're gonna 276 00:13:47,020 --> 00:13:50,790 start flinging the weenies around. 277 00:13:51,660 --> 00:13:54,190 - Put them up, huh, Bull? 278 00:13:51,660 --> 00:13:54,190 - Check. 279 00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:57,790 --to ensure that our foster children 280 00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:57,790 are being exposed... 281 00:13:57,970 --> 00:13:59,590 ...to a suitable environment. 282 00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:07,470 My family says 283 00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:07,470 they are going to kill themselves. 284 00:14:12,110 --> 00:14:15,570 Have I come at a bad time? 285 00:14:21,990 --> 00:14:27,390 I'm sorry, but did those people 286 00:14:21,990 --> 00:14:27,390 say something about killing themselves? 287 00:14:30,130 --> 00:14:33,000 It did sound like that, didn't it? 288 00:14:33,170 --> 00:14:36,660 - Where is Leon? 289 00:14:33,170 --> 00:14:36,660 Right here. 290 00:14:41,810 --> 00:14:44,750 Did I mention that he has his own room? 291 00:14:49,020 --> 00:14:52,680 I see he has his own nylons 292 00:14:49,020 --> 00:14:52,680 and heels too. 293 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:58,250 Mrs. Lund, I know how all this must look, 294 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:58,250 but believe me, I can explain everything. 295 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:04,660 - I'm here to strip for Dan Fielding. 296 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:04,660 - In the kitchen. 297 00:15:06,170 --> 00:15:08,330 You see, Mrs. Lund, we-- 298 00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:09,530 Yeah? 299 00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:13,110 My family would like to know 300 00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:13,110 if this is a good time to slay themselves. 301 00:15:13,270 --> 00:15:14,770 Sure. 302 00:15:14,940 --> 00:15:19,810 I mean, no. No. No slay self. 303 00:15:19,980 --> 00:15:23,420 Try cheese log. 304 00:15:24,420 --> 00:15:27,250 Sir? Sir? I think my tendons 305 00:15:24,420 --> 00:15:27,250 are beginning to snap. 306 00:15:27,420 --> 00:15:28,520 Huh? 307 00:15:29,620 --> 00:15:32,180 Open magic box. 308 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:33,660 Right. 309 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,120 - Hey, Harry. 310 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,120 Yeah? 311 00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:36,820 Where do you keep the mustard? 312 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,730 How can you think of your stomach 313 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,730 at a time like this? 314 00:15:39,900 --> 00:15:43,030 Easy. There's no food at my house. 315 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:46,410 My family is preparing to die. 316 00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:48,510 Those are butter knives. 317 00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:51,870 What are they gonna do, 318 00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:51,870 spread themselves to death? 319 00:15:54,150 --> 00:16:00,020 Uh, uh, uh, you ought to try these 320 00:15:54,150 --> 00:16:00,020 knee-highs. They're so practical. 321 00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:02,950 Happy birthday. 322 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:05,220 - She's for you. 323 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:05,220 Heh. 324 00:16:05,390 --> 00:16:08,160 You pop the red ones, 325 00:16:05,390 --> 00:16:08,160 it's 20 bucks extra. 326 00:16:08,330 --> 00:16:12,390 Dan, it's 10:15. Time to start. 327 00:16:08,330 --> 00:16:12,390 - Gotta run. 328 00:16:12,570 --> 00:16:15,660 - Not till after the cake. 329 00:16:12,570 --> 00:16:15,660 - Bull, please. 330 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:19,000 She's from California. 331 00:16:19,870 --> 00:16:21,430 Oh, yeah? 332 00:16:24,010 --> 00:16:26,000 Would you read my script? 333 00:16:27,780 --> 00:16:30,450 - It's stuck. 334 00:16:27,780 --> 00:16:30,450 What's stuck? 335 00:16:30,620 --> 00:16:31,920 The magic box. 336 00:16:32,090 --> 00:16:35,890 - Oh, uh, can we keep her? 337 00:16:32,090 --> 00:16:35,890 Leon. 338 00:16:36,420 --> 00:16:38,420 Unless Mrs. Lund doesn't mind. 339 00:16:38,590 --> 00:16:42,720 - Mac, you must apologize to them. 340 00:16:38,590 --> 00:16:42,720 - For what? 341 00:16:42,900 --> 00:16:48,000 Wanting to live with my own wife 342 00:16:42,900 --> 00:16:48,000 in my own livestock-free house? 343 00:16:48,170 --> 00:16:50,470 You have offended Grandfather Ho. 344 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:53,630 You're lucky 345 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:53,630 I haven't poached Grandfather Ho. 346 00:16:54,010 --> 00:16:56,530 - Now, I have had it. Do you understand? 347 00:16:54,010 --> 00:16:56,530 - Hey, hey, hey. 348 00:16:56,710 --> 00:16:59,240 Wait a minute. He wants to speak. 349 00:17:00,410 --> 00:17:01,780 Ho? 350 00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:11,650 What'd he say? 351 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,260 Don't worry, Quon Le, 352 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,260 help is on the way. 353 00:17:16,430 --> 00:17:19,660 I'm so frightened. 354 00:17:16,430 --> 00:17:19,660 His heart stopped beating. 355 00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:22,170 Well, it's ticking again. 356 00:17:22,340 --> 00:17:25,070 Oh, God bless you, Harry. 357 00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:29,110 Actually, Quon Le, 358 00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:29,110 Mac saved your grandfather's life. 359 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:32,750 Uh, I spilled some punch. 360 00:17:36,350 --> 00:17:37,580 Yeah, who is it? 361 00:17:40,190 --> 00:17:42,750 - Fire department. 362 00:17:40,190 --> 00:17:42,750 - Come in. 363 00:17:43,790 --> 00:17:47,350 There she is. Don't worry, little lady, 364 00:17:43,790 --> 00:17:47,350 we'll have you out in just a minute. 365 00:17:47,530 --> 00:17:50,120 No, no, no, 366 00:17:47,530 --> 00:17:50,120 it's the Asian gentleman in my bedroom. 367 00:17:50,300 --> 00:17:54,390 The Asian gentleman in your bedroom. 368 00:17:50,300 --> 00:17:54,390 Right. Let's go. 369 00:17:54,870 --> 00:17:57,430 - And use the door. 370 00:17:54,870 --> 00:17:57,430 Right. 371 00:17:58,310 --> 00:17:59,710 It's 11:59. 372 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,540 Oh, gosh. I'm awfully warm. 373 00:18:04,910 --> 00:18:08,970 Danny? Oh, Danny, I'm peaking. 374 00:18:09,150 --> 00:18:12,280 Oh, no, no, no, you das-- Don't. I.... 375 00:18:12,450 --> 00:18:14,790 Oh, look, the snorkel truck. Uh-- 376 00:18:15,660 --> 00:18:19,220 Hey, you, with the hose, bring it up here. 377 00:18:20,230 --> 00:18:25,030 Danny. Danny. Oh, Danny. 378 00:18:25,670 --> 00:18:28,030 Well, I gotta go, Dan. Goodbye. 379 00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:30,500 Wait a minute. 380 00:18:30,670 --> 00:18:33,400 Are you telling me the mood is gone 381 00:18:30,670 --> 00:18:33,400 just like that? 382 00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:35,170 - Totally. 383 00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:35,170 - Ugh. 384 00:18:35,340 --> 00:18:39,340 But don't worry, 385 00:18:35,340 --> 00:18:39,340 I peak again in the spring. 386 00:18:41,220 --> 00:18:42,650 Uh, but.... 387 00:18:42,820 --> 00:18:45,650 Wait. We've got hay. 388 00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:51,260 Cake? 389 00:19:00,770 --> 00:19:02,570 It's better than nothing. 390 00:19:04,410 --> 00:19:06,530 Come on, I'll buy you a drink. 391 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:12,240 I don't know what the problem was, 392 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:12,240 but the old man is fine now. 393 00:19:12,410 --> 00:19:15,210 By the way, 394 00:19:12,410 --> 00:19:15,210 that's a nasty punch stain on your carpet. 395 00:19:15,380 --> 00:19:19,410 Yeah. While you're here, would you help me 396 00:19:15,380 --> 00:19:19,410 get this girl out of the box? It's stuck. 397 00:19:19,590 --> 00:19:21,180 Sure. Why not? 398 00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:24,190 Phil, go get the Jaws of Life. 399 00:19:24,730 --> 00:19:27,890 - The Jaws of Life? 400 00:19:24,730 --> 00:19:27,890 - Big tools for big jobs. 401 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:31,420 Oh. 402 00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:34,160 - What? Did I break it? 403 00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:34,160 - Well, no, no, you opened it. 404 00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:35,930 Get me out! 405 00:19:36,870 --> 00:19:38,900 Mac. 406 00:19:36,870 --> 00:19:38,900 - Punch all over me. 407 00:19:39,070 --> 00:19:40,800 I said I was sorry. 408 00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:43,950 - Oh, Mac, you saved Grandfather's life. 409 00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:43,950 - Hmm. 410 00:19:45,310 --> 00:19:48,010 How could we ever repay you? 411 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:52,610 Oh, don't worry, Quon Le. 412 00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:57,720 Although a TV would be nice. 413 00:19:59,860 --> 00:20:02,260 I have no feeling below the waist. 414 00:20:02,430 --> 00:20:04,130 Need some help? 415 00:20:06,870 --> 00:20:10,670 - No, thank you. 416 00:20:06,870 --> 00:20:10,670 - Right. 417 00:20:11,670 --> 00:20:13,640 - Can I go now? 418 00:20:11,670 --> 00:20:13,640 - Sure. 419 00:20:13,810 --> 00:20:15,940 Thanks, Mr., uh...? 420 00:20:16,110 --> 00:20:19,050 They call me Bull. 421 00:20:20,180 --> 00:20:22,810 That's what they all say. 422 00:20:24,350 --> 00:20:25,750 As long as you're all right... 423 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:29,120 ...I better stop Phil 424 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:29,120 from dragging up the Jaws of Life. 425 00:20:29,290 --> 00:20:30,780 Yeah. 426 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:36,020 Oh, yeah. Ha, ha, 427 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:36,020 she went down real easy, didn't she? 428 00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:40,230 - Couch. 429 00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:40,230 - Oh, yeah. Right. 430 00:20:46,110 --> 00:20:47,540 Hi, Ho. 431 00:20:52,050 --> 00:20:54,310 - Translation? 432 00:20:52,050 --> 00:20:54,310 - He says you're a hero. 433 00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:55,880 - Oh, yeah? 434 00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:55,880 Ha, ha. 435 00:20:57,990 --> 00:20:59,780 He says he owes you his life. 436 00:20:59,950 --> 00:21:02,010 And in our country, 437 00:20:59,950 --> 00:21:02,010 when a man saves your life... 438 00:21:02,190 --> 00:21:04,060 ...you grant him anything he wishes. 439 00:21:04,230 --> 00:21:05,250 Anything at all? 440 00:21:06,890 --> 00:21:10,730 Grandfather says he knows what you want. 441 00:21:06,890 --> 00:21:10,730 You want them to leave. 442 00:21:10,900 --> 00:21:12,990 It is done. 443 00:21:13,170 --> 00:21:14,830 - You mean they're moving out? 444 00:21:13,170 --> 00:21:14,830 - Heh, yes. 445 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,840 All right. All right. 446 00:21:18,010 --> 00:21:20,410 I can't put them on the streets. 447 00:21:18,010 --> 00:21:20,410 Where will they go? 448 00:21:20,570 --> 00:21:24,570 Uh, presidential suite, Regency Hotel. 449 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:28,070 Did I mention Grandfather speaks English? 450 00:21:28,250 --> 00:21:29,550 No. 451 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:34,320 Well, ha, ha, thanks for caring, Mac, 452 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:34,320 but money is no problem. 453 00:21:34,490 --> 00:21:36,890 I'm stinking rich. 454 00:21:37,990 --> 00:21:41,490 - Well, why did you wanna stay with us? 455 00:21:37,990 --> 00:21:41,490 - Well, ancient tradition. 456 00:21:41,660 --> 00:21:45,160 It would be an insult not to. Hey. 457 00:21:45,330 --> 00:21:49,000 Some tradition. Sex rocks, don't it? 458 00:21:50,140 --> 00:21:54,230 - What about that heart attack? 459 00:21:50,140 --> 00:21:54,230 - Gotta go now. See you later. 460 00:21:54,410 --> 00:21:56,430 Yo, Ho. 461 00:22:00,850 --> 00:22:02,750 You planned this whole thing, didn't you? 462 00:22:04,120 --> 00:22:05,310 Moi? 463 00:22:06,790 --> 00:22:09,620 You sly old devil. 464 00:22:09,790 --> 00:22:12,760 But how did you know it was Mac 465 00:22:09,790 --> 00:22:12,760 who would come to your rescue? 466 00:22:12,930 --> 00:22:17,090 For many years during the war, 467 00:22:12,930 --> 00:22:17,090 Mac took care of my family in Vietnam. 468 00:22:17,260 --> 00:22:19,960 He's a caring, compassionate man. 469 00:22:20,130 --> 00:22:24,830 Now, figuring that out was, uh, 470 00:22:20,130 --> 00:22:24,830 no magic. 471 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,480 Naughty bunny. 472 00:22:40,690 --> 00:22:42,160 So as you can see, Mrs. Lund... 473 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:45,520 ...it really was an incredible string 474 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:45,520 of coincidences. 475 00:22:45,990 --> 00:22:49,360 Yeah. Well, Judge Stone, ha, ha, 476 00:22:45,990 --> 00:22:49,360 I can't quite believe it... 477 00:22:49,530 --> 00:22:53,130 ...but you do seem to successfully 478 00:22:49,530 --> 00:22:53,130 have explained everything. 479 00:22:53,300 --> 00:22:55,570 And it's all true, every word of it. 480 00:22:55,740 --> 00:22:58,210 Mrs. Lund, I want you to know that, 481 00:22:55,740 --> 00:22:58,210 for Leon's sake... 482 00:22:58,370 --> 00:23:01,400 ...I have taken great pains 483 00:22:58,370 --> 00:23:01,400 to make sure that this home... 484 00:23:01,580 --> 00:23:04,440 ...is of the strictest moral character. 485 00:23:05,410 --> 00:23:06,900 Cake? 28950

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