All language subtitles for Night Court (1984) - S03E13 - The Night Off (480p DVD x265 Panda).eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,870 --> 00:00:03,890 Yo. 2 00:00:04,570 --> 00:00:08,060 Uh, these are the indecent-exposure files. 3 00:00:04,570 --> 00:00:08,060 Where do you want them? 4 00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:11,000 Sex offenses on the sofa. 5 00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:18,110 I can't believe that 6 00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:18,110 they make you go through every case. 7 00:00:18,780 --> 00:00:20,980 It's the year-end report. 8 00:00:18,780 --> 00:00:20,980 I don't mind really. 9 00:00:21,150 --> 00:00:23,240 Gives me a chance 10 00:00:21,150 --> 00:00:23,240 to review my performance... 11 00:00:23,420 --> 00:00:25,410 ...reflect on old memories. 12 00:00:25,590 --> 00:00:28,820 Remember that carnival geek 13 00:00:25,590 --> 00:00:28,820 married his dog? 14 00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:32,650 Yeah. It's over. 15 00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:32,650 I ran into her the other day. 16 00:00:32,830 --> 00:00:35,990 - What happened? 17 00:00:32,830 --> 00:00:35,990 - I ran into her the other day. 18 00:00:39,470 --> 00:00:43,200 I feel funny though. Working here while 19 00:00:39,470 --> 00:00:43,200 the gang's out there with another judge. 20 00:00:43,370 --> 00:00:45,710 You're not missing anything good. 21 00:00:43,370 --> 00:00:45,710 I saw the docket. 22 00:00:45,870 --> 00:00:47,640 It looks like a fairly routine night. 23 00:00:53,050 --> 00:00:55,750 Sir, I'm gonna take Mac down to jail now. 24 00:00:56,290 --> 00:01:00,280 - What? 25 00:00:56,290 --> 00:01:00,280 - I got busted for contempt of court. 26 00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:07,220 When you go through the strip search, 27 00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:07,220 ask for Gentle Ben. 28 00:01:53,310 --> 00:01:54,540 What happened? 29 00:01:54,710 --> 00:01:56,680 Mac just walked over 30 00:01:54,710 --> 00:01:56,680 with the docket, sir. 31 00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:59,310 Next thing I know, 32 00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:59,310 Judge Hirsch told me to take him. 33 00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:02,040 - For what reason? 34 00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:02,040 - He said my sweater... 35 00:02:02,220 --> 00:02:04,550 ...was a mockery of justice. 36 00:02:06,250 --> 00:02:08,020 Well, it's not that bad. 37 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:12,750 Oh, come on, Mac. 38 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:12,750 Obviously, the man is joking with you. 39 00:02:12,930 --> 00:02:14,760 No, no, sir. This is serious. 40 00:02:14,930 --> 00:02:16,560 Judge Hirsch is crazy. 41 00:02:16,730 --> 00:02:19,630 Mac, don't go jumping 42 00:02:16,730 --> 00:02:19,630 to drastic conclusions. 43 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:23,600 You know we each have 44 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:23,600 our own unique style. 45 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:29,270 Judge Hirsch just ordered a defendant 46 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:29,270 to clean the Holland Tunnel. 47 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:32,380 - So? 48 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:32,380 - With his tongue. 49 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:35,950 I think I will have a little peek. 50 00:02:37,420 --> 00:02:40,360 Come on. I can get you down to holding 51 00:02:37,420 --> 00:02:40,360 before they serve dinner. 52 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:41,890 What are we having? 53 00:02:42,060 --> 00:02:44,750 There was talk of Spam balls. 54 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:54,500 Sir? 55 00:02:54,670 --> 00:02:56,640 Quiet. I'm almost finished. 56 00:02:59,470 --> 00:03:02,770 Well, ha-ha-ha, what do you think? 57 00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:07,210 That's superb. Ha, ha. 58 00:03:09,450 --> 00:03:10,650 Phil... 59 00:03:10,820 --> 00:03:12,620 ...what's going on? 60 00:03:12,790 --> 00:03:16,560 That is not a well man. 61 00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:21,490 He just put out a bench warrant 62 00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:21,490 for the Rockettes. 63 00:03:22,030 --> 00:03:23,190 What charge? 64 00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,600 Espionage. 65 00:03:26,330 --> 00:03:32,170 He's convinced the Soviets have implanted 66 00:03:26,330 --> 00:03:32,170 tiny transmitters in their legs. 67 00:03:32,340 --> 00:03:38,300 He says, "This explains the high incidence 68 00:03:32,340 --> 00:03:38,300 of varicose veins after they retire." 69 00:03:39,610 --> 00:03:44,050 Personally, 70 00:03:39,610 --> 00:03:44,050 I like a little texture to my women. 71 00:03:45,590 --> 00:03:49,220 - Uh, excuse me, sir, about my client.... 72 00:03:45,590 --> 00:03:49,220 - Oh, right. Hang him. 73 00:03:50,590 --> 00:03:52,820 He stole an Eskimo Pie, sir. 74 00:03:53,460 --> 00:03:55,400 Nap time. 75 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:00,330 Hey, guys. 76 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:04,430 - Are you okay? 77 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:04,430 Oh, yes, sir. Fine. 78 00:04:04,610 --> 00:04:08,670 Considering we're being presided over 79 00:04:04,610 --> 00:04:08,670 by Bucky the Wonder Lump. 80 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:12,750 Radio City Music Hall called. 81 00:04:12,910 --> 00:04:16,480 The cops just broke up 82 00:04:12,910 --> 00:04:16,480 a Rockettes performance. 83 00:04:16,650 --> 00:04:19,420 We nabbed the whole bunch at once. 84 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,480 You seem happy. 85 00:04:21,660 --> 00:04:24,490 They rejected me in '43. 86 00:04:25,730 --> 00:04:29,320 You tell me, 87 00:04:25,730 --> 00:04:29,320 what's wrong with these gams? 88 00:04:34,970 --> 00:04:38,170 Their loss is clearly our gain. 89 00:04:38,940 --> 00:04:41,210 Sir, this courtroom 90 00:04:38,940 --> 00:04:41,210 is totally out of control. 91 00:04:41,380 --> 00:04:42,400 Yeah, it's funny. 92 00:04:42,580 --> 00:04:46,070 - I never saw the judge act this way before. 93 00:04:42,580 --> 00:04:46,070 - You know this man? 94 00:04:46,250 --> 00:04:48,770 He worked in the Brooklyn courts 95 00:04:46,250 --> 00:04:48,770 when I started there. 96 00:04:48,950 --> 00:04:50,440 Everybody always loved him. 97 00:04:50,620 --> 00:04:53,180 He was fair, he was bright, 98 00:04:50,620 --> 00:04:53,180 he was honest. 99 00:04:53,890 --> 00:04:56,550 And now he's putting hookers' wigs 100 00:04:53,890 --> 00:04:56,550 on Bull. 101 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:04,760 I'm sorry, son, 102 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:04,760 but the glare was killing me. 103 00:05:10,970 --> 00:05:12,770 I understand. 104 00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:18,540 Help me. 105 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:21,740 Sir, you've got to do something. 106 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:23,320 It's his court, Miss Sullivan. 107 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:26,110 All I can do is document strange behavior, 108 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:26,110 make a list... 109 00:05:26,290 --> 00:05:28,280 ...and send it 110 00:05:26,290 --> 00:05:28,280 to the judicial review board. 111 00:05:33,030 --> 00:05:36,830 If I were you, I'd send a copy along 112 00:05:33,030 --> 00:05:36,830 to the Coast Guard while you were at it. 113 00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:39,990 Would counsel approach the bench, 114 00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:39,990 please? 115 00:05:41,770 --> 00:05:45,730 You know why the criminal justice system 116 00:05:41,770 --> 00:05:45,730 isn't working, Mr. Fielding? 117 00:05:45,910 --> 00:05:47,500 Yes, sir. 118 00:05:47,780 --> 00:05:50,470 I mean, not really. 119 00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:53,350 No music in the courtroom. 120 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:56,920 That's what makes 121 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:56,920 the whole damn process so dreary. 122 00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:59,880 Imagine how much brighter 123 00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:59,880 this place would be... 124 00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:04,690 ...if we piped in Mozart sonatas 125 00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:04,690 or even a few show tunes. 126 00:06:05,460 --> 00:06:09,260 That is a wonderful idea, sir. 127 00:06:09,530 --> 00:06:14,530 You are a sneaky little pile of tweed, 128 00:06:09,530 --> 00:06:14,530 aren't you, boy? 129 00:06:15,370 --> 00:06:16,900 Yes, sir. 130 00:06:17,070 --> 00:06:18,270 Take him away. 131 00:06:20,710 --> 00:06:23,870 I knew it. Ha-ha-ha. As soon 132 00:06:20,710 --> 00:06:23,870 as I saw that little smile cracking... 133 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:27,880 ...I could tell the instant 134 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:27,880 he started talking to me, I just-- 135 00:06:28,050 --> 00:06:31,490 You had a visit from your hairy godmother, 136 00:06:28,050 --> 00:06:31,490 didn't you? 137 00:06:36,090 --> 00:06:37,720 - Hi. 138 00:06:36,090 --> 00:06:37,720 Hi. 139 00:06:37,890 --> 00:06:41,230 - I'm Harry. 140 00:06:37,890 --> 00:06:41,230 - Who the hell cares? 141 00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:44,030 I'm Judge Harry T. Stone. 142 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:46,960 No. You? 143 00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:48,230 - A judge? 144 00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:48,230 - Uh-huh. 145 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:52,200 - Your Honor-- 146 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:52,200 - Oh, let's skip the formalities. 147 00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:56,070 It's Bob and Harry, 148 00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:56,070 just like the good old days. 149 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,940 Bob, we don't have any good old days. 150 00:06:59,110 --> 00:07:00,140 We just met. 151 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:03,220 Oh, what's this Bob garbage then? 152 00:07:04,450 --> 00:07:07,120 I would like to speak to you in private. 153 00:07:04,450 --> 00:07:07,120 In your chambers. 154 00:07:07,290 --> 00:07:08,850 Oh, there's no need. 155 00:07:09,020 --> 00:07:11,650 I have no secrets from these people. 156 00:07:11,830 --> 00:07:14,130 I really do think this would be better 157 00:07:11,830 --> 00:07:14,130 in private. 158 00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:15,320 Nonsense, Harry. 159 00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:21,130 There is nothing that you could say to me 160 00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:21,130 that you can't say before my friends. 161 00:07:21,300 --> 00:07:23,000 What's on your mind? 162 00:07:24,940 --> 00:07:26,530 Sir... 163 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:33,770 ...you're a very sick man. 164 00:07:37,890 --> 00:07:40,120 Company. 165 00:07:40,990 --> 00:07:43,080 Welcome to the Rock, boss. 166 00:07:43,260 --> 00:07:44,990 Not you too, sir. 167 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:47,390 Afraid so. No, no. Never mind. 168 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:49,090 Here you go. 169 00:07:56,540 --> 00:07:59,030 Thank you, Nani Darnell. 170 00:08:04,750 --> 00:08:05,940 You guys okay? 171 00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:08,110 Oh, yes. 172 00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:08,110 Actually, it's very nice down here. 173 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:12,220 I understand we've made it just in time 174 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:12,220 for the annual winter mucus fest. 175 00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:18,050 Let me guess. 176 00:08:19,660 --> 00:08:21,690 English Leather. 177 00:08:24,330 --> 00:08:25,430 I'm Dan Fielding. 178 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:27,900 I just killed my family. 179 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,240 Really? 180 00:08:32,610 --> 00:08:34,840 Small world. 181 00:08:55,830 --> 00:08:58,990 They don't know this 182 00:08:55,830 --> 00:08:58,990 but I really did pull off the job. 183 00:08:59,470 --> 00:09:02,230 I hid the money. Ha, ha. 184 00:08:59,470 --> 00:09:02,230 And they got no witnesses... 185 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:06,470 ...because the guy who saw me without 186 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:06,470 my mask on is half-blind. Ha-ha-ha. 187 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:10,670 I hid the getaway car 188 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:10,670 in a swamp in Jersey. Ha-ha-ha. 189 00:09:10,850 --> 00:09:13,910 I'm gonna get away with it. Ha-ha-ha. 190 00:09:15,950 --> 00:09:19,510 Two days, I'm gonna be swimming 191 00:09:15,950 --> 00:09:19,510 in cold, hard cash. 192 00:09:26,690 --> 00:09:28,420 So, what's your story? 193 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:30,720 I'm a judge. 194 00:09:34,870 --> 00:09:37,130 Dan, you look ill. 195 00:09:38,910 --> 00:09:41,340 I gotta go to the bathroom. 196 00:09:44,580 --> 00:09:46,450 It's over here. 197 00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:53,850 I'd rather... 198 00:09:54,020 --> 00:09:56,320 ...explode. 199 00:09:57,560 --> 00:09:58,890 - Hi, guys. 200 00:09:57,560 --> 00:09:58,890 Hi. 201 00:09:59,060 --> 00:10:00,860 Miss Sullivan, what's going on? 202 00:10:01,030 --> 00:10:02,460 Oh, sir, it's chaos. 203 00:10:02,630 --> 00:10:05,190 I put in an emergency call 204 00:10:02,630 --> 00:10:05,190 to my legal-aid supervisor. 205 00:10:05,370 --> 00:10:09,130 I managed to juggle the docket 206 00:10:05,370 --> 00:10:09,130 so there's only first-time misdemeanors... 207 00:10:09,300 --> 00:10:12,140 ...and there's a man in back 208 00:10:09,300 --> 00:10:12,140 wearing the same dress as I am. 209 00:10:15,110 --> 00:10:16,130 What--? 210 00:10:16,310 --> 00:10:17,710 What did you pay for yours? 211 00:10:30,690 --> 00:10:32,790 - Any news, Bull? 212 00:10:30,690 --> 00:10:32,790 - Yes. 213 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:35,830 He just appointed Flo 214 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:35,830 legal-aid attorney. 215 00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:37,530 He did what? 216 00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:38,930 Bull, let me out of here. 217 00:10:42,070 --> 00:10:44,730 Uh.... Listen... 218 00:10:44,910 --> 00:10:48,540 ...about that cologne business, I don't 219 00:10:44,910 --> 00:10:48,540 want you to get the wrong impression. 220 00:10:48,710 --> 00:10:51,910 I mean, so many people think 221 00:10:48,710 --> 00:10:51,910 that just because a man wears a dress... 222 00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:53,100 ...he's a homosexual. 223 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,180 No. 224 00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:58,920 Okay, guys, let's go, huh? 225 00:10:59,790 --> 00:11:01,150 Hey, wait. Wait, wait, wait. 226 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:04,880 If Flo is defending, who's prosecuting? 227 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:11,190 Your Honor, the people feel 228 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:11,190 the defense's arguments... 229 00:11:11,370 --> 00:11:14,960 ...are constructed 230 00:11:11,370 --> 00:11:14,960 on a flimsy legal foundation. 231 00:11:16,940 --> 00:11:19,770 Surely my esteemed colleague 232 00:11:16,940 --> 00:11:19,770 knows the difference... 233 00:11:19,940 --> 00:11:24,040 ...between entrapment 234 00:11:19,940 --> 00:11:24,040 and legitimate enforcement of the law. 235 00:11:24,210 --> 00:11:28,170 If not, then I would be so bold 236 00:11:24,210 --> 00:11:28,170 as to question her abilities... 237 00:11:28,350 --> 00:11:30,610 ...to practice in a hall of justice. 238 00:11:30,790 --> 00:11:32,150 Defense? 239 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:36,820 You're gonna listen to a man 240 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:36,820 with a dead pigeon in his pocket? 241 00:11:38,890 --> 00:11:40,290 Unbelievable. 242 00:11:40,460 --> 00:11:42,590 Phil's prosecuting? 243 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:46,390 I've been replaced by a man 244 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:46,390 who lives in a refrigerator. 245 00:11:47,370 --> 00:11:50,100 Hey, any of you people like 246 00:11:47,370 --> 00:11:50,100 The Three Stooges? 247 00:11:51,340 --> 00:11:57,280 And my favorite one is when Moe is playing 248 00:11:51,340 --> 00:11:57,280 a judge and he says: 249 00:11:57,450 --> 00:12:00,470 "Order, order, order in the courtroom." 250 00:12:00,650 --> 00:12:03,350 And Curly gets up and says: 251 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:07,250 "I'll have a ham and cheese on rye." 252 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:07,250 Ha, ha. 253 00:12:09,590 --> 00:12:10,620 Judge Hirsch. 254 00:12:10,790 --> 00:12:16,100 Hi there. Wait a minute, 255 00:12:10,790 --> 00:12:16,100 I thought I cited you for contempt. 256 00:12:16,260 --> 00:12:18,630 And how did they get out of jail? 257 00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:21,790 Sir, I cannot tell a lie. 258 00:12:21,970 --> 00:12:23,230 They escaped. 259 00:12:25,510 --> 00:12:26,770 Escaped? 260 00:12:26,940 --> 00:12:28,270 That... 261 00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:29,970 ...is not a bad idea. 262 00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:32,580 The whole prison system's overcrowded 263 00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:32,580 anyway. 264 00:12:32,750 --> 00:12:36,380 Guard, go down 265 00:12:32,750 --> 00:12:36,380 and release all the prisoners. 266 00:12:37,650 --> 00:12:39,120 Hold it! 267 00:12:39,290 --> 00:12:41,090 Sir, I'm sorry. You can't do that. 268 00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:43,920 Some of those people are guilty 269 00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:43,920 and have to be dealt with. 270 00:12:44,090 --> 00:12:46,080 You're right, Miss Sullivan. 271 00:12:46,260 --> 00:12:50,630 Tell them they can go but only 272 00:12:46,260 --> 00:12:50,630 if they promise, on their word of honor... 273 00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:53,700 ...that they'll go across the street 274 00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:53,700 and clean up that park. 275 00:12:54,970 --> 00:12:57,730 Your Honor, 276 00:12:54,970 --> 00:12:57,730 please step down from the bench. 277 00:12:58,270 --> 00:13:01,400 Bet you my gavel is bigger than yours. 278 00:13:02,010 --> 00:13:04,500 You're in trouble here. 279 00:13:02,010 --> 00:13:04,500 I'd really like to help you. 280 00:13:04,680 --> 00:13:07,310 Me? Need help? That's a lie! 281 00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:10,320 Liar, liar, pants on fire. 282 00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:11,540 It's the truth. 283 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:12,910 The truth? 284 00:13:13,090 --> 00:13:17,990 This is a court of law, Judge Stone, 285 00:13:13,090 --> 00:13:17,990 this is not a place for truth. 286 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:20,630 This is a place for lies. 287 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,090 Everybody who comes here lies. 288 00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:28,200 The plaintiffs lie, the defendants lie, 289 00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:28,200 the lawyers lie, the cops lie. 290 00:13:28,370 --> 00:13:29,560 Everybody lies. 291 00:13:29,740 --> 00:13:32,870 And you expect me 292 00:13:29,740 --> 00:13:32,870 to sift through all this... 293 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:36,840 ...and extract the truth 294 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:36,840 from all that rubble. 295 00:13:37,910 --> 00:13:40,180 That's what we call justice. 296 00:13:40,350 --> 00:13:42,110 Well, there is no justice. 297 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,450 There never was, there never will be. 298 00:13:45,820 --> 00:13:47,150 Order! Order! Order! 299 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,190 Order in the court! 300 00:13:50,390 --> 00:13:52,220 Oh, come on, people. 301 00:13:52,390 --> 00:13:56,850 You're supposed to say, 302 00:13:52,390 --> 00:13:56,850 "Ham and cheese. 303 00:13:57,300 --> 00:14:00,890 Ham and cheese." 304 00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:14,550 I guess comedy's subjective, huh? 305 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:23,380 Your Honor. 306 00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:26,430 Oh, Judge Stone. Come in, come in. 307 00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:26,430 I wanna show you something. 308 00:14:26,590 --> 00:14:27,620 Watch this. 309 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,820 Hoo. Hoo. 310 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:34,300 - Looks like a big owl, doesn't it? 311 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:34,300 - Yeah. 312 00:14:34,470 --> 00:14:36,440 I did that one my first night 313 00:14:34,470 --> 00:14:36,440 on the bench. 314 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:39,700 I think Oliver Wendell Holmes invented it. 315 00:14:39,870 --> 00:14:41,870 Oh, where's my hospitality? 316 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:44,270 Come, sit down. Sit down. Sit down. 317 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:44,270 Ahem. 318 00:14:44,910 --> 00:14:47,470 Uh, aspirin? 319 00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:49,710 No. 320 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:55,650 You know, most people can't take this 321 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:55,650 without water. 322 00:14:57,590 --> 00:15:00,080 Your Honor, how long has all this 323 00:14:57,590 --> 00:15:00,080 been going on? 324 00:15:00,260 --> 00:15:02,790 How long has what been going on? 325 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:07,730 The wigs and the horns and the subscription 326 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:07,730 to WrestleMania magazine. 327 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:13,300 You know, Judge Hirsch, I am considered 328 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:13,300 a bit of a maverick around here myself. 329 00:15:13,570 --> 00:15:16,700 Yeah, word in the halls is you're a flake. 330 00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:19,380 I have my moments. 331 00:15:19,550 --> 00:15:23,420 The point is that I use the gags 332 00:15:19,550 --> 00:15:23,420 and the tricks as a release. 333 00:15:23,580 --> 00:15:26,380 It's to ease the tension, that's all. 334 00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:31,790 It's when it gets taken to an extreme, 335 00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:31,790 when it begins to obstruct justice... 336 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:37,130 ...then it threatens to dismantle 337 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:37,130 our entire judicial system. 338 00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:41,230 What's your point? 339 00:15:43,340 --> 00:15:46,600 If you don't step down, 340 00:15:43,340 --> 00:15:46,600 I am personally going to file a petition... 341 00:15:46,770 --> 00:15:49,680 ...requesting that you be removed 342 00:15:46,770 --> 00:15:49,680 from the bench. 343 00:15:52,780 --> 00:15:57,280 So it comes down to a gunfight, eh? 344 00:15:57,450 --> 00:15:58,980 If need be. 345 00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:00,280 Who draws first? 346 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:04,720 That usually determines 347 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:04,720 who wins in these things, right? 348 00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:17,370 Can I, uh, be of some help? 349 00:16:17,540 --> 00:16:19,770 Where the hell is the Corsetti file? 350 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:23,040 I lined my shoes with it. 351 00:16:25,410 --> 00:16:26,440 You did what? 352 00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:30,550 I didn't think you'd need it anymore. 353 00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:30,550 We finished with the case hours ago. 354 00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:32,120 Finished? How? 355 00:16:32,290 --> 00:16:34,050 Well, the cop's testimony was shaky... 356 00:16:34,220 --> 00:16:37,190 ...so I plea-bargained down 357 00:16:34,220 --> 00:16:37,190 to burglary, third degree. 358 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:39,830 Comes up before grand jury Wednesday. 359 00:16:39,990 --> 00:16:43,560 Oh, God. Wednesdays, I give my blood. 360 00:16:45,270 --> 00:16:47,240 Don't worry. I'll follow through for you. 361 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:48,460 What a pal. 362 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:51,440 Don't touch me. I'm not your pal! 363 00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:55,480 You are a disgusting, filthy, 364 00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:55,480 slimy shell of a human being... 365 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:59,510 ...and you ought to crawl back 366 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:59,510 into the sewer from which you slithered. 367 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:03,980 I got a 97 percent conviction rate. 368 00:17:05,350 --> 00:17:09,350 I hear you're batting about 500. 369 00:17:13,690 --> 00:17:15,750 Wait. What's the matter? 370 00:17:13,690 --> 00:17:15,750 Where are you going? 371 00:17:16,030 --> 00:17:17,500 We haven't finished. 372 00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:19,730 You are finished, Judge Hirsch. 373 00:17:19,900 --> 00:17:21,870 I'm gonna go call for an ambulance. 374 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:24,700 An ambulance? Are you sick? 375 00:17:25,770 --> 00:17:26,930 I'll be right back. 376 00:17:27,210 --> 00:17:30,650 - You wanna hear a funny story, Harry? 377 00:17:27,210 --> 00:17:30,650 - Your Honor-- 378 00:17:30,810 --> 00:17:36,980 There was this girl, 17, beautiful girl, 379 00:17:30,810 --> 00:17:36,980 dark complexion, dark hair... 380 00:17:37,150 --> 00:17:41,350 ...and a welt under her eye 381 00:17:37,150 --> 00:17:41,350 where her husband had hit her. 382 00:17:42,990 --> 00:17:45,120 She was pregnant for the third time, 383 00:17:42,990 --> 00:17:45,120 I think. 384 00:17:45,290 --> 00:17:49,630 And the DA said they lived in 385 00:17:45,290 --> 00:17:49,630 a rat-infested place on the Lower East Side. 386 00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:52,630 She said she wanted her husband 387 00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:52,630 to stop hitting her. 388 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:55,130 As soon as I indicated 389 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:55,130 that I'd send him to jail... 390 00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:59,210 ...zip, she changed her testimony, 391 00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:59,210 said she was lying. 392 00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:01,500 She didn't want her husband 393 00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:01,500 to go to jail. 394 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,310 He brought home money 395 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,310 so the family can eat. 396 00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:07,880 All she wanted was for him 397 00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:07,880 to stop hitting her! 398 00:18:08,050 --> 00:18:11,080 Well, Harry, I can't make him stop! 399 00:18:11,250 --> 00:18:16,120 In 25 years, 400 00:18:11,250 --> 00:18:16,120 I've never made anybody stop! 401 00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:23,830 I'm sorry. 402 00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:26,900 God's in his heaven... 403 00:18:27,070 --> 00:18:32,530 ...but all's not quite right in the world. 404 00:18:34,540 --> 00:18:36,200 I know how you feel. 405 00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:38,410 How long have you been on the bench? 406 00:18:38,810 --> 00:18:39,840 Three years. 407 00:18:40,010 --> 00:18:42,380 Ha-ha-ha. Three years. 408 00:18:42,550 --> 00:18:46,850 I've had bouts of irregularity 409 00:18:42,550 --> 00:18:46,850 longer than that. 410 00:18:51,090 --> 00:18:54,460 My God, what have I done? 411 00:18:55,330 --> 00:18:56,990 How much do you remember? 412 00:18:57,200 --> 00:19:01,800 Uh, coloring a little piggy... 413 00:19:01,970 --> 00:19:05,740 ...and a monster with a blond wig. 414 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:09,910 Am I sick, Harry? 415 00:19:10,610 --> 00:19:12,510 Maybe a little. 416 00:19:12,980 --> 00:19:14,810 But mostly... 417 00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:17,510 ...I'd say you're real, real tired. 418 00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:18,880 Oh, tired. 419 00:19:19,050 --> 00:19:24,360 Oh, I could sleep for a million years. 420 00:19:19,050 --> 00:19:24,360 Ha, ha. 421 00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:25,960 Yeah. 422 00:19:26,130 --> 00:19:31,590 If the bed they strap me down to 423 00:19:26,130 --> 00:19:31,590 is comfortable, I probably will. 424 00:19:33,370 --> 00:19:37,200 See, I tried to do it all right. 425 00:19:37,370 --> 00:19:40,570 I tried to right all the wrongs... 426 00:19:40,740 --> 00:19:44,470 ...reverse all of the injustices. 427 00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:47,140 I guess I was wrong. 428 00:19:47,310 --> 00:19:48,510 It's impossible. 429 00:19:49,450 --> 00:19:52,910 Even a fool knows that we can't reach out 430 00:19:49,450 --> 00:19:52,910 and touch the stars... 431 00:19:53,090 --> 00:19:56,290 ...but that does not stop 432 00:19:53,090 --> 00:19:56,290 the wise man from trying. 433 00:19:57,430 --> 00:19:59,330 I like that. 434 00:19:59,830 --> 00:20:01,060 Who said that? 435 00:20:01,230 --> 00:20:02,660 You did. 436 00:20:02,830 --> 00:20:05,460 It was in a speech to the bar association. 437 00:20:07,470 --> 00:20:08,990 Here. 438 00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:16,610 You can never have... 439 00:20:16,780 --> 00:20:18,540 ...too many. 440 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:21,440 I'll wear it with honor, sir. 441 00:20:21,780 --> 00:20:23,720 You do that. 442 00:20:24,250 --> 00:20:26,280 I gotta go. 443 00:20:26,650 --> 00:20:31,090 Somewhere there's an inkblot 444 00:20:26,650 --> 00:20:31,090 with my name on it. 445 00:20:35,530 --> 00:20:37,730 Will you let me call someone 446 00:20:35,530 --> 00:20:37,730 to drive you? 447 00:20:37,900 --> 00:20:39,200 Oh, there's no need. 448 00:20:39,370 --> 00:20:44,860 There's probably a whole army 449 00:20:39,370 --> 00:20:44,860 of paramedics waiting for me out front. 450 00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:46,530 Well... 451 00:20:46,710 --> 00:20:50,080 ...you take care of yourself out there, 452 00:20:46,710 --> 00:20:50,080 young man. 453 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:52,370 I will, sir. 454 00:21:00,890 --> 00:21:02,360 Damn it. 455 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:07,220 Sometimes I did keep... 456 00:21:07,390 --> 00:21:10,890 ...inside the lines. 457 00:21:23,310 --> 00:21:25,250 - Sir? 458 00:21:23,310 --> 00:21:25,250 Yo, Mac. 459 00:21:25,410 --> 00:21:28,610 The Radio City Rockettes are here. 460 00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:32,140 Send them home, Mac. 461 00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:34,020 Oh, thank you, sir. 462 00:21:34,190 --> 00:21:38,420 I didn't know whether to bring them in 463 00:21:34,190 --> 00:21:38,420 one at a time or all in a row kicking. 464 00:21:38,930 --> 00:21:41,090 I'm sure you would have made 465 00:21:38,930 --> 00:21:41,090 the right decision. 466 00:21:41,260 --> 00:21:43,290 Uh-huh. 467 00:21:46,900 --> 00:21:49,130 Now from our Believe It Or Not files.... 468 00:21:49,300 --> 00:21:51,330 Police in Manhattan reported 469 00:21:49,300 --> 00:21:51,330 this evening... 470 00:21:51,510 --> 00:21:54,270 ...they were summoned 471 00:21:51,510 --> 00:21:54,270 to break up a riot in a nearby park... 472 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,930 ...only it turned out not to be a riot 473 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,930 but a group of accused prostitutes... 474 00:21:58,110 --> 00:22:02,070 ...muggers and thieves walking around 475 00:21:58,110 --> 00:22:02,070 cleaning the park. 476 00:22:02,580 --> 00:22:04,140 A police spokesman said... 477 00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:06,840 ...the group had been released 478 00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:06,840 from a Manhattan jail... 479 00:22:07,020 --> 00:22:09,860 ...and that they were just fulfilling 480 00:22:07,020 --> 00:22:09,860 a court order. 481 00:22:10,020 --> 00:22:12,260 How's that for a sanitation crew, folks? 482 00:22:12,430 --> 00:22:14,900 And now, back to some easy listening. 483 00:22:34,550 --> 00:22:40,010 Listen, uh, Fielding, 484 00:22:34,550 --> 00:22:40,010 about that conviction-ratio business.... 485 00:22:40,190 --> 00:22:42,160 No hard feelings, okay? 486 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:46,020 Go to the window. Open it as wide 487 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:46,020 as you can. Plunge to your death. 488 00:22:49,260 --> 00:22:50,630 Well... 489 00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:54,100 ...if you insist on acting unprofessional.... 490 00:22:54,270 --> 00:22:57,470 Oh, uh, and you're eating my lunch. 491 00:22:59,340 --> 00:23:01,900 - Say what? 492 00:22:59,340 --> 00:23:01,900 - You're eating my lunch. 493 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:04,170 I left it in your briefcase. 494 00:23:12,790 --> 00:23:16,880 Don't worry. 495 00:23:12,790 --> 00:23:16,880 Only the beaks are dangerous. 29883

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