Original subtitles

Yeah?

Your Honor, I--

- What's he doing?

- Watching television. He just bought that.

It's not on.

He can't find the power knob.

Bull, didn't that come

with an instruction manual?

How cute.

Evening, everybody.

Hey, I got one of those.

- You know how to turn it on?

- Sure.

Voilà.

Oh, wow.

If we had tweezers,

we could change the channel.

Oh, yeah, that baby would be great

for Super Bowl parties.

Here's the volume.

Things don't look any better

in the state capitol at this hour...

...where legislators continue

their battle over the budget.

They don't pass that budget,

we don't get paid tomorrow.

Guys, you know

the big redhead in accounting...

...the one with the 38D IQ?

She finally said yes.

Can somebody

loan me a C-note till tomorrow?

No.

All right, so the Hot Tub Club is out.

I can do with 50.

It's official, the assembly has adjourned

without a settlement.

That means thousands

of municipal employees...

...won't be seeing

their paychecks tomorrow.

Did he say we're not

gonna be paid tomorrow?

- To repeat....

- I heard you!

You silly twit.

I have got 12 cents in the bank,

do you hear that?

Pull out the antenna,

maybe we'll get sharper contrast.

This is Ted Stevens, live in Albany.

I want you dead in Albany.

If I could get to Albany,

I would kill you myself.

And I hate your blazer.

I'm sorry.

I don't know what came over me.

Harry, I apologize about your TV.

Let me tell him.

- Tell me what?

- It was Bull's.

He's getting up.

He's coming over here.

- Money or revenge?

- Revenge.

Thank you.

Here's your warrants, Mac.

I found a nickel

in my paper clip compartment.

Oh, boy.

It could come in handy.

Yeah, things are gonna be tight here.

Everybody finds out about this budget mess

they're gonna go crazy.

Now, don't underestimate people.

Even without money, pride in one's work

can be a pretty powerful thing.

Bail reports.

And she hasn't even heard yet.

Hey, those are mine, mister.

Give them back.

Hey, look, we had a deal.

A dollar fifty for a box.

But that's a whole carton.

- Hey, Phil, what is this?

- A box?

Happy?

All right, I got cookies, I gotta move them.

Hi, my name's Christine. What's yours?

- Cindy.

- Cindy? Well--

Cindy, tell me something,

did you see Danny out in the hallway...

...kissing a nice woman

a couple of minutes ago?

You know, that woman's husband

is one of Danny's superiors.

And that puts Danny

in a very compromising position.

Do you know

what "compromising" means?

Cindy, what do you think would happen

if Dan's superior were to find out?

- Bye, Cindy.

- Bye, Christine.

Oh, buckaroos, you mind if we

try to squeeze in a couple of cases?

Might help take our minds off money.

- What do you got, Mac?

- About a buck 65 so far.

Congratulations. Can I have a case?

Oh, yes, sir.

People v. Ellen Blake, Your Honor.

I've never even seen a real judge before.

Don't worry about it.

Underneath the robe

there's a Bullwinkle T-shirt.

True story.

What's the charge, Mac?

- Breaking and entering.

- Her?

- What did she break into?

- Her hotel room.

Why did they arrest her?

Why am I asking you?

Your Honor, Sidney Frizzell here

is a manager of a transient hotel uptown.

It's a decent establishment.

Steam heat, fresh linens every month...

...pay phone right on the same block.

"Boat people welcome."

I can fit a dozen of them in a room.

They don't mind. It's just like home.

Mrs. Blake returned from work

and found an eviction notice on her door.

I got a simple policy:

You don't pay, you don't stay.

Made that up myself.

Mrs. Blake was trying

to retrieve some of her belongings.

Mr. Frizzell intercepted her

and called the police.

Retrieving her belongings?

She jimmied the lock with a butter knife.

Mrs. Blake?

I didn't have a screwdriver.

Perfectly adequate substitute.

Your Honor, it was cold outside.

Mrs. Blake just wanted to get her coat.

Mr. Frizzell impounded their possessions.

He took my TV.

Big deal. It's not color.

It's not even Japanese.

You two pals?

Her son. He lives with her at the hotel.

Till I get money,

neither one of them's living at my hotel.

He is within his rights

to refuse occupancy, sir.

Does that mean

he can swipe our stuff?

Yeah, it does,

you filthy scummy, two-bit punk!

Don't get me wrong, I love kids.

- What's his name?

- Joey.

Hi, Joey, I'm Harry.

Who cares?

Come here, little boy.

Joey, settle down.

Now, Joey,

I understand why you're upset.

You don't look like you're old enough

to understand puberty.

You ever study Wood in school, Joey?

Perhaps we should approach the bench

and discuss this.

Why don't you truck on down?

Okay, what is the big deal here?

How much is it gonna take to settle this?

She owes him $200.

Plus room tax.

So he locks her out.

So, what if she pays him?

He gave her

every opportunity, then she broke in.

But I swore I'd pay him back

the minute I got my first check.

You know, guys,

we really gotta brush up on our whispering.

Okay, spread out, people.

Mrs. Blake, when will you be paid?

Tomorrow afternoon.

I'm a cleaning lady

at the Municipal Records Building.

You work for the city?

Is that a bad idea?

Oh, no, Mrs. Blake.

It's just according to the news...

...city employees might not be getting

any money for quite some time.

Didn't you see that on TV?

We don't have one, remember?

No, the mind tends to go at my age.

So they're broke. That ain't my fault.

Like I'm supposed to look after

every pin-headed slob...

...who gets paid by this town.

Well, I didn't mean you slobs.

But this is impossible. It can't be.

We just moved here.

We don't know anyone.

Can't you help us?

You're asking him for help?

What you did was against the law

and he knows that.

Your Honor, if you rule against my clients,

they'll be out on the streets.

Excuse me. Recess.

How long?

Uh, two, two-and-a-half weeks.

What a depressing day.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Mine would've been totally shot

if I hadn't found this lying out in the street.

Jeez, you think somebody would just rip

that thing off Cosell's head...

...and get it over with.

I had one of those once.

You don't say. When was that?

Six-thirty.

Dan grabbed it from me

and threw it out the window.

Why don't you go look on the street?

Who knows? You might get lucky.

That Ted Koppel's a card.

- Thanks for keeping an eye on her, Bull.

- You betcha.

Thank you.

They told me you paid for all this food.

He paid for this stuff?

- I wouldn't touch this for a million bucks.

- Joey, he's trying to help.

Yeah, if he wants to help us,

why didn't he nail that jerk?

Joey, can I let you in

on a couple of things, off the record?

Number one, I love nailing jerks

more than anyone else I know.

I wrote the book on jerk-nailing.

Two, the last kid who talked

to me the way you're talking to me...

...ended up as part

of an off-ramp in Newark.

I apologize for him, Your Honor.

He's not a bad boy. He's just frustrated.

Yeah, I know, Mrs. Blake.

I was a kid myself.

Nine or 10 months ago.

You're a nice man.

Well, now, that I'm not to sure about.

You see, I've been looking over some cases

that are kind of like yours...

...and it just doesn't look like--

You see? I told you.

- We're not gonna get a thing, Ma.

- Let him finish.

We are going to get justice here, Joey.

That's why we're here.

Right, judge?

Excuse me.

I gotta double check my hat.

I'm sure there's a rabbit

in there someplace.

- I beg your pardon?

- See, he's nuts. he's nuts too.

Joey, listen to me.

Our justice system may not be perfect...

...it may be slow

and it may drive us crazy sometimes...

...but it also happens to be

the best game in town.

You wanna buy a vowel?

Are you that retarded?

Well, it's right up there, anyway.

Flo, Flo, Flo, it has to be his.

I saw Dan when he took it from him.

So? Maybe his is still lying out there.

The only way we can make sure

is to dust this one for fingerprints.

Anytime you're ready.

- All rise.

- Never mind.

Mac, give me the Blake file, please.

Yes, sir.

Here. I was just kidding.

I know it was cruel, sadistic...

...and the pleasure I received

was not unlike that of a twisted child...

...who pulls the wings off flies.

I'm funny that way.

Will all parties approach the bench,

please?

- I wonder what he's got up his sleeve.

- Usually three or four watches.

- This took so long, I'm frightened.

- Oh, don't worry, Mrs. Blake.

I have a feeling

we're about to see some magic.

The State finds the defendant guilty

as charged.

Ta-da.

The fine is $200.

This court will suspend that until such time

as the defendant can defray restitution.

What about all our stuff?

The court also holds for the plaintiff...

...and forbids the defendant entry...

...until the said plaintiff's eviction

proceedings are dismissed.

God, I love this country.

I am sorry.

I did everything I could.

I did my best.

Are we going to jail?

No, of course you're not going to jail.

Then where are we going

to stay tonight?

It's cold tonight.

This way, please.

This sure is the best game

in town, Harry. We love it.

Take it easy, kid.

I'll take it any way I can get it.

You're a pig!

Let him go.

Why didn't I pick the console?

- Hi, Mac.

- Hi.

- Is Judge Stone in yet?

- Yeah, he's been here for almost an hour.

I wouldn't go in there if I were you.

- Why?

- Well, he's not in the best of moods.

Mac, I can imagine.

That was an awful session

he had last night.

I just thought I'd go in there

and cheer him up a little bit.

That would be the last

of the Flintstones tumbler set.

Mac, this is crazy.

Hasn't anybody tried to talk to him?

I believe that would start

the third shelf of law review books.

Well, I, for one, am not just gonna

stand here while he comes unglued.

That was furniture, wasn't it?

Uh-huh.

Wait a minute.

How come I got 10 bucks

and you got 50?

I arranged it, I did the paperwork...

...I made the phone calls,

I drove you down there.

But it was my blood.

So? It was my idea.

Now, go rest, you look drained.

I'm worried.

All rise.

Criminal Court, Part Two is now in session.

The Honorable Harold T. Stone....

Good Lord.

Sit down.

Sir.

Are you okay?

Hi, sir. You look like hell.

How much sleep you get last night,

five, 10 minutes?

I couldn't get them

out of my mind all night.

I just kept hearing that kid call me a pig.

It's probably because they were out

sleeping in your alley.

I'm kidding.

You realize how many alleys there are?

The odds of them

of actually choosing yours.

Your Honor, what happened to that woman

and her son was not your fault.

You had no choice.

You had to rule that way.

I actually heard him calling me "pig."

It was not a dream,

it wasn't a hallucination.

I heard him.

How about if we just get started, huh?

First case, Mac.

People v. The Wheeler Family, sir.

Bob, June and little Carol Anne.

Just take us right to the gas chamber,

we don't care.

If only they were all like you.

I like these people, treat them nice.

Your Honor, the Wheelers were found

on a park bench crying.

They were arrested for vagrancy.

For God sake, help us.

Institutionalize us

for the rest of our natural lives.

Your Honor, my clients come

from a small town in West Virginia.

Two weeks ago,

Mr. Wheeler lost his job...

...when a tornado leveled

the diner he washed dishes at.

It also destroyed

the adjoining trailer park.

Our camper was in stall six.

It wasn't much.

Now it isn't anything.

They found one of the axles and a lamp

on top of a laundry mat in the next county.

I lost my dog.

We had to dig her collar out of a tree.

She was Carol Anne's only friend.

"Toto"?

God knows

what happened to the puppies.

That girl is wearing a potato sack.

I know.

They always look awful without a belt.

Anyway, the real McCoys here...

...they decided to relocate to Florida.

When they were at port authority,

they were mugged.

They lost everything.

Their suitcases, money, wallets, clothes,

their daughter's Cabbage Patch--

Oh, come on, you made this up.

Will I ever see Disney World now, Daddy?

Never, sweetheart.

Never in a million years.

Recess.

I'll be in my office, under my rug.

Boy, talk about your gloomy gusses.

Deciding they could make

no further progress in tonight's session...

...both sides decided to pack it in

and resume talks in the morning.

Yeah, sure. Go home.

Stuff your faces

while I'm making soup out of ketchup.

Back down to you, Larry.

"Back down to you, Larry."

You wanna go down, Larry?

I'll show you down, Larry.

It wasn't the same.

We got trouble.

What kind of trouble, Mac?

- Remember that lady and her kid?

- Yeah.

Kid tried to rob a liquor store

on Broadway.

So he got arrested?

He got shot.

Harry.

Let's go.

Phil, babe.

It looks bad in Albany.

Oh, no.

No. Please.

Come on, one more pint.

We can squeeze it into your schedule.

It'll be fun.

- Guys, I wanna be the one to tell him.

- I just want it to be one of us, that's all.

Uh, Your Honor?

If it's about the kid, he heard already.

The cops gave him a call.

- When?

- Few minutes ago.

Right before he quit.