Original subtitles

-What's on your agenda? -That's the beauty of

being a teenager.

I just go where the day takes me.

Yeah, well, I hope it'll take your ass to a job.

-I want a baby, Jeremy. -Where's this even coming from?

Sandra hardly ever calls me anymore.

Sandra calls you three times a day.

I prefer four to five.

Hey, Dad.

This is your grandson, Troy.

-Hi, Granddad! -Hi!

I know you [indistinct], but you're still young,

and you have a lot to learn.

-What, what is your problem? -Did you know?

-Know what? -That's she pregnant.

[pleasant music]

[clamoring]

Lord, Jesus! Oh, my God.

[sighs] Oh, good morning, Sandra.

-Good morning, Miss Cora. -[Cora] How you doing?

That door is getting worse over there.

Oh, I know. It's stuck, and the lock is jamming.

And I asked Mr. Brown to fix it I don't know how many times.

Now, you know, it's like...

What if we have an emergency or something?

Yeah, well, a lot of things need fixing in this old place.

Right.

I mean, the power keeps glitching.

The thermostat is broken. It is so cold.

It is cold. That's right.

You know, but if it ain't one thing around here,

it's another.

Yeah, well, still, it's a joyous day.

Oh, somebody's in a great mood this morning.

I am. Last night was so great.

It was.

You know, and your friend Lindor, I'm so proud of him,

how he just reunited the judge and his son.

-That was amazing. -I know.

Did you see how happy Judge Junie was?

We all did. Oh, my God.

It was so beautiful. I just...

You know, that's the thing about it.

We're here to spread God's peace and love and joy.

And what I love the most about it all is how y'all are young,

and y'all understand that. It just, it just blesses me.

I love the work we do here.

I feel so lucky to get to see it and contribute to it.

And you know what? I'm happy that you're home.

And going to school locally now, we get to see you more.

Okay, I'm not gonna go on and on and on,

but I'm happy to have you home.

I'm gonna do my rounds and do some maintenance requests,

-all right? -Okay.

-Yes, ma'am. -[Cory] See you later.

[groaning]

Hey, loser. What's up? You good?

No. Hell, no.

Okay, what now? You're like a walking disaster.

[scoffs] Takes one to know one.

I still cannot believe this mess.

Yeah. I'm in deep shit.

Well, you're always in deep shit.

No, no, no. I'm in deep, deep shit.

I mean, up to the ceiling. I'm drowning in it.

Yeah, I know.

I couldn't sleep last night, and it's not even my mess.

-What is this chick's name? -Megan.

Megan? Who is Megan?

She's a cheerleader, and she calls me Big Daddy.

Big Daddy?

Okay, so she's not very bright.

Hell, that could be any of your friends.

[fake laughs] You're so funny.

I cannot believe she didn't tell you.

-Tell me what? -Tell you what?

Tell you what? That she's pregnant.

[high-pitched screaming]

-[shushing] -Don't, don't say that out loud!

Can't even bear the thought.

[high-pitched scream]

[theme music]

? No matter what you do, I love you ?

? No matter where you go, I'm behind you for sure ?

? Always remember ?

? Blood ain't never water ?

? We'll make it if we stay together ?

[pleasant music]

[high-pitched scream]

Oh, my God. What is it? What happened?

-Oh. Miss Cora. Hi. -What? What?

What do you mean? What? What?

Didn't you not hear him screaming?

Oh, yeah. See, he just found out that, uh...

That, that I'm dead.

Dead? Oh, baby, what's wrong?

You, you... You dying? Something wrong-

-[Sandra] No, no, no. -[coughs] [grunts]

-You sick? -No, no, no, no.

-He's... He's talking... -[coughs]

He's talking about Dead Pro.

-Dead Pro? -[Sandra] It's a video game.

Yeah.

-A video game? -Yeah.

You mean to tell me y'all making all this fuss over a video game?

There's old people in this house.

Y'all could give somebody a heart attack or something.

I thought the boy was truly dying or something.

Y'all need to stop with all this foolishness now,

here, over a darn video game.

I can't believe you would do that over a video game.

Thought you was dying.

What kind of chick is this anyways?

Why wouldn't she tell you she's pregnant?

Look, I don't know. She's probably freaking out too.

What the hell, Philip? How did this happen?

How did this happen?

Sandra, when a man and a woman really like each other-

Shut up! I know how it happened.

I mean, how did your stupid ass let it happen?

Look, I'm cursed, Sandra.

I mean, the girls can't get their hands off me.

It's like I be pulling up to the school,

driving with the beats like...

[beatboxing]

And you see the hair, right? The twist?

You see it? Feel it, feel it.

I'm not feeling your twists.

Well, they can't control themselves, okay?

Back then, they didn't want me, and now they all up on me.

It's... I need a bodyguard.

How much do you think they charge by the hour?

You are delusional, little bro.

Okay, so you still haven't told Mom and Dad?

What? You think if I told Mom and Dad,

I'd still be here right now?

Yeah, you're right about that.

Thank God you told me.

Okay, well, when you tell Mom and Dad,

do not tell them that I knew.

Focus. Man, this isn't about you.

Yeah, I know, but whenever your dumb ass gets in trouble,

it always ends up being my fault.

Look, Sandra, this is the worst, okay?

It's like Mom and Dad don't understand anything anyway.

They're like dinosaurs in the prehistoric Dark Ages.

Dinosaurs, huh?

Oh! [chuckles nervously] Hey, Mom!

Hey!

Hey, I see the blue poppin'!

It looks phenomenal with the earrings and the shoes.

You're really pulling it together, right?

You see? I see you.

You see? I see you. I see you.

-I see... [clears throat] -Mm-hmm.

Hey, hey, Dad.

Why you look so befuddled?

You don't even know what that means.

-Yeah, I do. -What do it mean?

Uh, it means, uh...

-Dad. -Yeah.

[Philip] That's, how you look is a great example.

Yeah, look, I'm about to turn into a T-Saurus Rex in here

if you don't tell me what's going on.

-Come on, Sandra. -Yes, Mom?

-Yeah, what did you do? -What?

-I am not in this. -You are always in it, Sandra.

Look, you know what?

I know, Dad, which, frankly, I think is ridiculous

and completely unfair, if you ask me.

Well, nobody asked you.

Come on, Philip, out with it.

We're gonna find out anyway, so you may as well tell me.

-Yep. -Oh.

Well, uh...

[awkwardly murmuring]

Hey, what's going on, guys? What's happening?

These two weirdos are acting strange again.

-You are so dead. -Dead?

What you talking about, Sandra?

Leah, don't worry about these two.

They... It's some video game.

Dead Pro or something like that they talking about.

Yes, yes, yeah. I lost in a video game.

Yes, last night.

Um, he lost and he was so...

-Devastated. -Devastated. Devastated.

About a video game?

[Jeremy] Devastated?

You gonna be devastated if you don't get to work.

-Yes, sir. -You too, Philip.

You got plenty of chores to do around here.

Yep.

And when you're finished with theirs,

I have some more things for y'all to do, okay?

Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am.

What you waiting for?

[Philip] Yep, yep, let's get to it.

"Devastated."

-"Befuddled." [laughs] -Mm-hmm.

Did I look befuddled?

Not at all.

I don't even think he know what it is.

[music]

Uh, Anastasia.

Don't bother me, I'm busy.

And don't come over here and mess with me

because I'm busy too.

Ain't nobody talking to you, Brown.

You know what?

You two for sure spend a lot of time on them computers.

Mark my word, them computers

gonna get both of y'all into a lot of trouble.

What the what? Shut up!

Did y'all know that aliens

have been visiting elderly homes lately?

[chuckles] See what I mean? What you talking about, Brown?

Now, in New York, they say right here, "In New York City,

"there was two sightings in two elderly homes

"where the aliens invaded

and 'insta-trated' the alien sites."

Did you mean infiltrated?

-That's what I said. -Stupid.

Damn, Brown. Read a book. Take a class.

Do something. It's ridiculous.

What you think I'm doing? I'm reading.

-That's what I'm doing. -About the aliens?

Yes, about the aliens.

It's been over 300 sightings right here.

"Over 300 sightings."

Shut up! They been cloning elderly people.

Brown, you cannot believe

everything you see on the Internet, fool!

I have you to know this is a credit site.

A credit site?

Yes, a credit site.

-And this guy, Dr. Uranus- -Oh, my God.

Yeah, he got proof that they've been cloning us for decades.

Yeah. And I think he what you call one of them,

uh, astrodlon, astro-

An astronomer. He's an astronomer.

Yeah, he one of them.

And I think you mean credible site,

not credit site.

And I think that's what I said.

See, he one of them doctors,

he know all about this alien stuff.

He know alien stuff,

because they even named a planet after him.

-Oh, my God. -And the planet is called...

It's a brown planet. They call it Uranus.

Yeah, you an anus, a big brown anus.

That's what you are. You an anus.

You, you, your mama is an anus.

Oh, my... [indistinct mumbling]

-Look, I'ma tell you. -Oh, I know.

What they do is, they'll put a mask on you.

And then when they put that mask on you,

that's when they start cloning your face.

And then they put that mask and next thing you know,

[imitates bang] you cloned.

[imitates bang] You cloned just like that.

See how you look? [imitates bang]

See, this is why you can't let old people be on the Internet.

This is why, right there.

This is how you know if people been cloned.

'Cause they say when they cloned,

they'll come back big, ugly, ignorant, ornery, with no soul.

-[yelps] -Yep, yep.

Your mama is a clone. How about that?

And, Anastasia, I know you're not online,

ordering more stuff you don't need.

You got all these boxes over here,

blocking the back door, full of junk you keep ordering.

-You ordered a- -I beg your pardon!

I am not online ordering junk.

Well, what are you online doing?

I'm minding.

Minding what?

Minding my own damn business, jackass.

Okay, well, this jackass has a box for you.

Oh, I'm sorry.

That's the anti-aging kit I ordered.

Anastasia, that stuff does not work.

And, Anastasia, girl, you don't need no anti-aging kit.

Oh, Mr. Brown, that is so sweet.

No. You need a magic kit.

Poof, you gone.

Disappear. Disappear.

[Sandra] You good?

I've been better. [clears throat]

All right, well, you look horrible.

Gee, thanks.

You seen our nosy-ass parents?

No, I was trying to stay out of their way.

Yeah, I'm just praying

that they go somewhere and just stay there.

-Sorry? -Aah!

[coughing]

Yeah, it looks like God didn't hear your little prayer

because I'm not going anywhere, and I'm staying right here.

[scoffs] Why would I want you to go anywhere, man?

-I love you. -I love you too, Dad.

Uh, thanks? Now out with it.

Out with what? [chuckles nervously]

Out with whatever has you in here

spreading love and prayers.

Stop playing with me, man. What's going on?

[music]

[music]

-Well, Dad- -Don't do it, bro.

Sandra, you're not helping.

Dad, I'm sorry, but Philip's not a child anymore.

Yeah, what she said!

Who do you think you're talking to?

I'm going back here.

[Leah] You okay, baby?

No, your son over here is in some deep shit.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Dad. No need to curse.

Philip. What is going on with you?

Now, you know you can talk to us about anything.

-Oh, don't fall for that. -Sandra.

Listen, Mom, Dad, with all due respect,

you have to trust

that you've raised a smart and responsible son, okay?

He's growing into adulthood, and sometimes a young person

needs time to figure out what's going on

before he shares it with his parents.

And the parents need to understand and trust

that they've done a good job,

and just let the child know that they'll be there for them

if and when they decide to share

what's going on in their personal life.

-Damn. -Yeah, what he said.

Sandra, that was really good advice.

[Jeremy] It actually was.

All right, I got to apologize to you, Son.

-Maybe your sister's right. -Thanks, Dad.

And thanks, Sandra.

[sighs] Okay, Philip.

I'ma leave it alone.

Yeah, Son.

Whenever you are ready to talk about what's going on with you,

we're here.

Yeah, I will, when the time is right.

Yeah, you're out of the hot seat for now.

-[Leah] Mm-hmm. -But I'm watching you.

-[Leah] Mm-hmm. -[Jeremy] The both of you.

[Leah] Mm-hmm.

Got my eyes on you.

So strange.

-Hey, that speech was awesome. -Thanks.

I saw it on an episode of a reality show last night.

-Well, it saved my ass. -Yeah, for now.

Megan's still pregnant, so you're now in the sunset

of what was once a promising young life, little boy.

[music]

Gee, thanks.

[Cora] Ooh, why is it so cold in here?

-Yes, Cora, it is cold. -Jeez.

-[Cora] What? -Cora, we in trouble.

What? What's wrong?

We're in the last days.

It's gonna take cold when we're in the last days.

That's how they get us, Cora. First sign, the last days, cold.

Now what does the last days have to do with cold?

Cora, I... Look.

I was reading on the interline.

What they gonna... Yes, on the interline, Cora.

What they need is they need it to be cold in order

to complete the transformation and clone people.

You meant "on the Internet," Mr. Brown.

-Yes. -You know, just calm yourself.

All we got to do is adjust the thermostat.

Well, Cora, we ain't- what that's going to do?

Adjust the thermostat for aliens?

That ain't going to do nothing.

Now, what are you talking about and who?

-Cora, you didn't know? -[Cora] Know what?

-You don't know, Cora? -Know what?

-You don't know? -No!

Them aliens.

They cloning elderly people.

Oh, Mr. Brown, ain't nobody got time for that foolishness.

Cora, it ain't no foolishness.

It's been 300 accounts of aliens being seen.

-Mr. Brown. -I'ma tell you

-how you know it's an alien. -How?

They'll be big, ugly, and look like a goon.

Oh, hey, Ms. Cora.

-Oh. Hey, Mr. Vinny. -Oh.

-What y'all talking about? -Goons.

[indistinct mumbling]

[Cora] Don't pay no attention to Mr. Brown.

He talking about aliens are cloning old folks.

Well, I sure hope they don't clone another Brown.

Two of y'all with those four fingers would be way too much.

They said if it's a sudden power outage,

that's how you know it's a clone being made right for your...

Oh.

-[Brown] I told y'all! -Oh, my goodness.

Vinny a clone! I told y'all! I'm scared! Somebody hold me!

-Well, wait- -Hold me!

Well, don't be afraid, Mr. Brown.

Come on, Mr. Vinny. Let's go check the breaker box.

Man up, Brown. That's what you need to do.

Man up. Stupid.

Wait a minute. Let me read more of it.

[typing furiously]

"They need a definite picture of your face to clone you.

"If you see someone in a mask,

"suddenly, run.

"They are being cloned. They will try to block you,

but get out of the building as fast as possible."

These people crazy.

[high-pitched screaming]

I don't want to be cloned! I'm too pretty!

[screaming continues]

What the hell is all that noise?

Ms. Anastasia, are you all right?

I'm fine, but Mr. Brown just lost his mind.

-He ain't never had a mind. -Well, what happened?

Ran out of here like a bat out of hell.

[laughter] Oh, my God.

Hope he don't come back.

So, what do you think is going on with your son?

Who knows? You know, he's a teenage boy.

They professionals at finding trouble.

Think we should be worried?

I mean, we parents, babe. It's our job to worry.

And, evidently, it's their job

to give us something to worry about.

Hey, baby girl.

Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.

Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad.

Sandra.

Yeah, Dad?

Do you know what's going on with your brother?

Uh, my brother?

Yeah, your brother.

What brother? Oh, Philip?

Girl, you have been acting strange all day.

Strange? No, no, no, no.

I'm just, I'm, I'm, I'm tired.

Yeah, registering for classes always takes it out of me.

-[Jeremy] Mm-hmm. -See ya.

-Girl. -She knows something.

Sit.

Are you guys trying to get information out of me?

Probably.

But your father and I want to talk to you and your brother.

Guys, I am not in this.

No, you're wrong about this one. You are in this.

You guys are stressing me out.

Let's get to the bottom of this. Um...

Philip! Get in here!

I'm gonna find out what's going on.

Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.

Uh...

What's, uh, what's Sandra doing here?

What are you guys talking about?

Mom, Dad, whatever she says, she's lying!

Relax, idiot.

You're gonna screw yourself being so paranoid.

-I just got here. -Oh, never mind.

What in the world is going on with you two today?

Your son is a mindless brat who has no common sense.

-[Leah] Philip? -Hmm?

What you got?

What I got? [mumbling]

[Jeremy] You got nothing?

Your sister just called you a mindless brat.

And you don't have any comeback? Like, you're not gonna say

she looks like Whoville from The Grinch , anything?

Or that her forehead is so big

she has, like, a before and after head?

-[laughter] -That was a good one.

You guys are so not funny.

No, I don't think he'll be saying anything today.

In fact, I don't even know why he's laughing.

[clears throat] Laughing? Who's laughing?

Boy, you must have got yourself in some pretty deep shi-.

Let it go. Let it go, baby.

I'm just saying.

[Leah] He'll tell us when he's ready.

But, uh, we want to talk to you two.

I didn't do it. It was definitely Philip.

Girl, would you leave your brother alone?

He is obviously having a rough day. Okay?

Wait, so you guys already know?

What are you doing with that?

I found it in the bathroom.

Your mother was looking for that.

Thank you, baby.

Uh, well, that brings us

to what we wanted to talk about.

Of course it does.

How do you guys feel about babies?

-Hate them bastards. -What?

-What's wrong with you? -I, I...

You are so warped.

I hope you didn't mean that.

No, no, I, uh, no, of course not.

I don't know where that came from.

Sorry. Go, continue, sir.

Good, because, yeah.

-We're about to have a- -Uh, have a baby?

-Brother. -Or sister.

-Huh? -What?

Yeah. Your mom's pregnant.

Yippee.

[Leah laughing]

[music]

[music]

Wait, wait, so you're having a baby?

Wait, that's yours?

Okay, you guys don't seem excited.

No, yes, yes, we are, we are so happy.

We are so, so happy.

Wait, so I'm not gonna be an aunt?

I am way too young to be called Auntie.

An aunt? Girl, no.

A big sister.

And, and I'm gonna be a, a big brother.

Yes. [giggles]

Are you two on drugs? What's going on?

No, Dad, we are so happy for you and Mom.

Yes, yes, so, so, so happy, so happy.

I love you guys so much.

I, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love everybody.

In here. Come on, come on, officers, right here.

They was over here and she was coming.

Mr. Brown, is everything okay?

[Brown] No.

What's going on, Officer? What's the problem?

Does anyone know this man?

He says there's some sort of alien "infilter" going on.

Y'all didn't see them? They was everywhere.

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