All language subtitles for Assisted Living s06e01 The Last Days.eng

-What's on your agenda?
-That's the beauty of

being a teenager.

I just go where
the day takes me.

Yeah, well, I hope it'll take
your ass to a job.

-I want a baby, Jeremy.
-Where's this even coming from?

Sandra hardly ever calls me
anymore.

Sandra calls you
three times a day.

I prefer four to five.

Hey, Dad.

This is your grandson, Troy.

-Hi, Granddad!
-Hi!

I know you [indistinct],
but you're still young,

and you have a lot to learn.

-What, what is your problem?
-Did you know?

-Know what?
-That's she pregnant.

[pleasant music]

[clamoring]

Lord, Jesus! Oh, my God.

[sighs] Oh,
good morning, Sandra.

-Good morning, Miss Cora.
-[Cora] How you doing?

That door is getting worse
over there.

Oh, I know. It's stuck,
and the lock is jamming.

And I asked Mr. Brown to fix it
I don't know how many times.

Now, you know, it's like...

What if we have an emergency
or something?

Yeah, well, a lot of things
need fixing in this old place.

Right.

I mean,
the power keeps glitching.

The thermostat is broken.
It is so cold.

It is cold. That's right.

You know, but if it ain't
one thing around here,

it's another.

Yeah, well, still,
it's a joyous day.

Oh, somebody's in
a great mood this morning.

I am. Last night was so great.

It was.

You know, and your friend
Lindor, I'm so proud of him,

how he just reunited the judge
and his son.

-That was amazing.
-I know.

Did you see how happy
Judge Junie was?

We all did. Oh, my God.

It was so beautiful. I just...

You know, that's the thing
about it.

We're here to spread
God's peace and love and joy.

And what I love the most about
it all is how y'all are young,

and y'all understand that.
It just, it just blesses me.

I love the work we do here.

I feel so lucky to get to see it
and contribute to it.

And you know what?
I'm happy that you're home.

And going to school locally now,
we get to see you more.

Okay, I'm not gonna go on
and on and on,

but I'm happy to have you home.

I'm gonna do my rounds and
do some maintenance requests,

-all right?
-Okay.

-Yes, ma'am.
-[Cory] See you later.

[groaning]

Hey, loser.
What's up? You good?

No. Hell, no.

Okay, what now?
You're like a walking disaster.

[scoffs] Takes one to know one.

I still cannot believe
this mess.

Yeah. I'm in deep shit.

Well, you're always
in deep shit.

No, no, no.
I'm in deep, deep shit.

I mean, up to the ceiling.
I'm drowning in it.

Yeah, I know.

I couldn't sleep last night,
and it's not even my mess.

-What is this chick's name?
-Megan.

Megan? Who is Megan?

She's a cheerleader,
and she calls me Big Daddy.

Big Daddy?

Okay, so she's not very bright.

Hell, that could be
any of your friends.

[fake laughs] You're so funny.

I cannot believe
she didn't tell you.

-Tell me what?
-Tell you what?

Tell you what?
That she's pregnant.

[high-pitched screaming]

-[shushing]
-Don't, don't say that out loud!

Can't even bear the thought.

[high-pitched scream]

[theme music]

? No matter what you do,
I love you ?

? No matter where you go,
I'm behind you for sure ?

? Always remember ?

? Blood ain't never water ?

? We'll make it
if we stay together ?

[pleasant music]

[high-pitched scream]

Oh, my God. What is it?
What happened?

-Oh. Miss Cora. Hi.
-What? What?

What do you mean? What? What?

Didn't you not
hear him screaming?

Oh, yeah. See,
he just found out that, uh...

That, that I'm dead.

Dead? Oh, baby, what's wrong?

You, you...
You dying? Something wrong-

-[Sandra] No, no, no.
-[coughs] [grunts]

-You sick?
-No, no, no, no.

-He's... He's talking...
-[coughs]

He's talking about Dead Pro.

-Dead Pro?
-[Sandra] It's a video game.

Yeah.

-A video game?
-Yeah.

You mean to tell me y'all making
all this fuss over a video game?

There's old people
in this house.

Y'all could give somebody
a heart attack or something.

I thought the boy
was truly dying or something.

Y'all need to stop with
all this foolishness now,

here, over a darn video game.

I can't believe you would
do that over a video game.

Thought you was dying.

What kind of chick
is this anyways?

Why wouldn't she tell you
she's pregnant?

Look, I don't know.
She's probably freaking out too.

What the hell, Philip?
How did this happen?

How did this happen?

Sandra, when a man and a woman
really like each other-

Shut up!
I know how it happened.

I mean, how did your stupid ass
let it happen?

Look, I'm cursed, Sandra.

I mean, the girls can't get
their hands off me.

It's like I be pulling up
to the school,

driving with the beats like...

[beatboxing]

And you see the hair, right?
The twist?

You see it? Feel it, feel it.

I'm not feeling your twists.

Well, they can't
control themselves, okay?

Back then, they didn't want me,
and now they all up on me.

It's... I need a bodyguard.

How much do you think
they charge by the hour?

You are delusional, little bro.

Okay, so you
still haven't told Mom and Dad?

What?
You think if I told Mom and Dad,

I'd still be here right now?

Yeah, you're right about that.

Thank God you told me.

Okay, well,
when you tell Mom and Dad,

do not tell them that I knew.

Focus.
Man, this isn't about you.

Yeah, I know, but whenever
your dumb ass gets in trouble,

it always ends up
being my fault.

Look, Sandra,
this is the worst, okay?

It's like Mom and Dad don't
understand anything anyway.

They're like dinosaurs
in the prehistoric Dark Ages.

Dinosaurs, huh?

Oh! [chuckles nervously]
Hey, Mom!

Hey!

Hey, I see the blue poppin'!

It looks phenomenal
with the earrings and the shoes.

You're really pulling
it together, right?

You see? I see you.

You see? I see you. I see you.

-I see... [clears throat]
-Mm-hmm.

Hey, hey, Dad.

Why you look so befuddled?

You don't even know
what that means.

-Yeah, I do.
-What do it mean?

Uh, it means, uh...

-Dad.
-Yeah.

[Philip] That's, how you look
is a great example.

Yeah, look, I'm about to turn
into a T-Saurus Rex in here

if you don't tell me
what's going on.

-Come on, Sandra.
-Yes, Mom?

-Yeah, what did you do?
-What?

-I am not in this.
-You are always in it, Sandra.

Look, you know what?

I know, Dad, which, frankly,
I think is ridiculous

and completely unfair,
if you ask me.

Well, nobody asked you.

Come on, Philip, out with it.

We're gonna find out anyway,
so you may as well tell me.

-Yep.
-Oh.

Well, uh...

[awkwardly murmuring]

Hey, what's going on, guys?
What's happening?

These two weirdos
are acting strange again.

-You are so dead.
-Dead?

What you talking about, Sandra?

Leah, don't worry
about these two.

They...
It's some video game.

Dead Pro or something
like that they talking about.

Yes, yes, yeah.
I lost in a video game.

Yes, last night.

Um, he lost and he was so...

-Devastated.
-Devastated. Devastated.

About a video game?

[Jeremy] Devastated?

You gonna be devastated
if you don't get to work.

-Yes, sir.
-You too, Philip.

You got plenty of chores
to do around here.

Yep.

And when you're finished
with theirs,

I have some more things
for y'all to do, okay?

Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am.

What you waiting for?

[Philip]
Yep, yep, let's get to it.

"Devastated."

-"Befuddled." [laughs]
-Mm-hmm.

Did I look befuddled?

Not at all.

I don't even think he know
what it is.

[music]

Uh, Anastasia.

Don't bother me, I'm busy.

And don't come over here
and mess with me

because I'm busy too.

Ain't nobody talking to you,
Brown.

You know what?

You two for sure spend a lot
of time on them computers.

Mark my word, them computers

gonna get both of y'all
into a lot of trouble.

What the what? Shut up!

Did y'all know that aliens

have been visiting
elderly homes lately?

[chuckles] See what I mean?
What you talking about, Brown?

Now, in New York, they say
right here, "In New York City,

"there was two sightings
in two elderly homes

"where the aliens invaded

and 'insta-trated'
the alien sites."

Did you mean infiltrated?

-That's what I said.
-Stupid.

Damn, Brown. Read a book.
Take a class.

Do something. It's ridiculous.

What you think I'm doing?
I'm reading.

-That's what I'm doing.
-About the aliens?

Yes, about the aliens.

It's been over 300 sightings
right here.

"Over 300 sightings."

Shut up! They been cloning
elderly people.

Brown, you cannot believe

everything you see
on the Internet, fool!

I have you to know
this is a credit site.

A credit site?

Yes, a credit site.

-And this guy, Dr. Uranus-
-Oh, my God.

Yeah, he got proof that they've
been cloning us for decades.

Yeah. And I think
he what you call one of them,

uh, astrodlon, astro-

An astronomer.
He's an astronomer.

Yeah, he one of them.

And I think you mean
credible site,

not credit site.

And I think that's what I said.

See, he one of them doctors,

he know all about
this alien stuff.

He know alien stuff,

because they even named a planet
after him.

-Oh, my God.
-And the planet is called...

It's a brown planet.
They call it Uranus.

Yeah, you an anus,
a big brown anus.

That's what you are.
You an anus.

You, you, your mama is an anus.

Oh, my... [indistinct mumbling]

-Look, I'ma tell you.
-Oh, I know.

What they do is,
they'll put a mask on you.

And then when they put
that mask on you,

that's when they start cloning
your face.

And then they put that mask
and next thing you know,

[imitates bang] you cloned.

[imitates bang]
You cloned just like that.

See how you look?
[imitates bang]

See, this is why you can't let
old people be on the Internet.

This is why, right there.

This is how you know
if people been cloned.

'Cause they say
when they cloned,

they'll come back big, ugly,
ignorant, ornery, with no soul.

-[yelps]
-Yep, yep.

Your mama is a clone.
How about that?

And, Anastasia, I know
you're not online,

ordering more stuff
you don't need.

You got all these boxes
over here,

blocking the back door,
full of junk you keep ordering.

-You ordered a-
-I beg your pardon!

I am not online ordering junk.

Well, what are you online doing?

I'm minding.

Minding what?

Minding my own damn business,
jackass.

Okay, well, this jackass
has a box for you.

Oh, I'm sorry.

That's the anti-aging kit
I ordered.

Anastasia,
that stuff does not work.

And, Anastasia, girl, you don't
need no anti-aging kit.

Oh, Mr. Brown, that is so sweet.

No. You need a magic kit.

Poof, you gone.

Disappear. Disappear.

[Sandra] You good?

I've been better.
[clears throat]

All right,
well, you look horrible.

Gee, thanks.

You seen our nosy-ass parents?

No, I was trying to stay
out of their way.

Yeah, I'm just praying

that they go somewhere
and just stay there.

-Sorry?
-Aah!

[coughing]

Yeah, it looks like God didn't
hear your little prayer

because I'm not going anywhere,
and I'm staying right here.

[scoffs] Why would I want you
to go anywhere, man?

-I love you.
-I love you too, Dad.

Uh, thanks?
Now out with it.

Out with what?
[chuckles nervously]

Out with whatever has you
in here

spreading love and prayers.

Stop playing with me, man.
What's going on?

[music]

[music]

-Well, Dad-
-Don't do it, bro.

Sandra, you're not helping.

Dad, I'm sorry, but Philip's
not a child anymore.

Yeah, what she said!

Who do you think
you're talking to?

I'm going back here.

[Leah] You okay, baby?

No, your son over here
is in some deep shit.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Dad.
No need to curse.

Philip. What is going on
with you?

Now, you know you can talk
to us about anything.

-Oh, don't fall for that.
-Sandra.

Listen, Mom, Dad,
with all due respect,

you have to trust

that you've raised a smart
and responsible son, okay?

He's growing into adulthood,
and sometimes a young person

needs time to figure out
what's going on

before he shares it
with his parents.

And the parents need
to understand and trust

that they've done a good job,

and just let the child know
that they'll be there for them

if and when they decide to share

what's going on
in their personal life.

-Damn.
-Yeah, what he said.

Sandra, that was
really good advice.

[Jeremy] It actually was.

All right, I got to apologize
to you, Son.

-Maybe your sister's right.
-Thanks, Dad.

And thanks, Sandra.

[sighs] Okay, Philip.

I'ma leave it alone.

Yeah, Son.

Whenever you are ready to talk
about what's going on with you,

we're here.

Yeah, I will, when the time
is right.

Yeah, you're out of the hot seat
for now.

-[Leah] Mm-hmm.
-But I'm watching you.

-[Leah] Mm-hmm.
-[Jeremy] The both of you.

[Leah] Mm-hmm.

Got my eyes on you.

So strange.

-Hey, that speech was awesome.
-Thanks.

I saw it on an episode of
a reality show last night.

-Well, it saved my ass.
-Yeah, for now.

Megan's still pregnant,
so you're now in the sunset

of what was once a promising
young life, little boy.

[music]

Gee, thanks.

[Cora] Ooh, why is it so cold
in here?

-Yes, Cora, it is cold.
-Jeez.

-[Cora] What?
-Cora, we in trouble.

What? What's wrong?

We're in the last days.

It's gonna take cold
when we're in the last days.

That's how they get us, Cora.
First sign, the last days, cold.

Now what does the last days
have to do with cold?

Cora, I... Look.

I was reading on the interline.

What they gonna...
Yes, on the interline, Cora.

What they need is they need it
to be cold in order

to complete the transformation
and clone people.

You meant "on the Internet,"
Mr. Brown.

-Yes.
-You know, just calm yourself.

All we got to do is adjust
the thermostat.

Well, Cora, we ain't-
what that's going to do?

Adjust the thermostat
for aliens?

That ain't going to do nothing.

Now, what are you talking
about and who?

-Cora, you didn't know?
-[Cora] Know what?

-You don't know, Cora?
-Know what?

-You don't know?
-No!

Them aliens.

They cloning elderly people.

Oh, Mr. Brown, ain't nobody got
time for that foolishness.

Cora, it ain't no foolishness.

It's been 300 accounts
of aliens being seen.

-Mr. Brown.
-I'ma tell you

-how you know it's an alien.
-How?

They'll be big, ugly,
and look like a goon.

Oh, hey, Ms. Cora.

-Oh. Hey, Mr. Vinny.
-Oh.

-What y'all talking about?
-Goons.

[indistinct mumbling]

[Cora] Don't pay no attention
to Mr. Brown.

He talking about aliens
are cloning old folks.

Well, I sure hope they don't
clone another Brown.

Two of y'all with those four
fingers would be way too much.

They said if it's
a sudden power outage,

that's how you know it's a clone
being made right for your...

Oh.

-[Brown] I told y'all!
-Oh, my goodness.

Vinny a clone! I told y'all!
I'm scared! Somebody hold me!

-Well, wait-
-Hold me!

Well, don't be afraid,
Mr. Brown.

Come on, Mr. Vinny.
Let's go check the breaker box.

Man up, Brown.
That's what you need to do.

Man up. Stupid.

Wait a minute.
Let me read more of it.

[typing furiously]

"They need a definite picture
of your face to clone you.

"If you see someone in a mask,

"suddenly, run.

"They are being cloned.
They will try to block you,

but get out of the building
as fast as possible."

These people crazy.

[high-pitched screaming]

I don't want to be cloned!
I'm too pretty!

[screaming continues]

What the hell is all that noise?

Ms. Anastasia,
are you all right?

I'm fine, but Mr. Brown
just lost his mind.

-He ain't never had a mind.
-Well, what happened?

Ran out of here like a bat
out of hell.

[laughter] Oh, my God.

Hope he don't come back.

So, what do you think
is going on with your son?

Who knows?
You know, he's a teenage boy.

They professionals
at finding trouble.

Think we should be worried?

I mean, we parents, babe.
It's our job to worry.

And, evidently, it's their job

to give us something
to worry about.

Hey, baby girl.

Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.

Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad.

Sandra.

Yeah, Dad?

Do you know what's going on
with your brother?

Uh, my brother?

Yeah, your brother.

What brother? Oh, Philip?

Girl, you have been acting
strange all day.

Strange? No, no, no, no.

I'm just, I'm, I'm, I'm tired.

Yeah, registering for classes
always takes it out of me.

-[Jeremy] Mm-hmm.
-See ya.

-Girl.
-She knows something.

Sit.

Are you guys trying
to get information out of me?

Probably.

But your father and I want
to talk to you and your brother.

Guys, I am not in this.

No, you're wrong about this one.
You are in this.

You guys are stressing me out.

Let's get to the bottom of this.
Um...

Philip! Get in here!

I'm gonna find out
what's going on.

Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.

Uh...

What's, uh,
what's Sandra doing here?

What are you guys talking about?

Mom, Dad, whatever she says,
she's lying!

Relax, idiot.

You're gonna screw yourself
being so paranoid.

-I just got here.
-Oh, never mind.

What in the world is going on
with you two today?

Your son is a mindless brat
who has no common sense.

-[Leah] Philip?
-Hmm?

What you got?

What I got? [mumbling]

[Jeremy] You got nothing?

Your sister just called you
a mindless brat.

And you don't have any comeback?
Like, you're not gonna say

she looks like Whoville
from The Grinch , anything?

Or that her forehead is so big

she has, like, a before
and after head?

-[laughter]
-That was a good one.

You guys are so not funny.

No, I don't think he'll be
saying anything today.

In fact, I don't even know
why he's laughing.

[clears throat] Laughing?
Who's laughing?

Boy, you must have got yourself
in some pretty deep shi-.

Let it go. Let it go, baby.

I'm just saying.

[Leah] He'll tell us
when he's ready.

But, uh, we want
to talk to you two.

I didn't do it.
It was definitely Philip.

Girl, would you leave
your brother alone?

He is obviously having
a rough day. Okay?

Wait, so you guys already know?

What are you doing with that?

I found it in the bathroom.

Your mother was looking
for that.

Thank you, baby.

Uh, well, that brings us

to what we wanted to talk about.

Of course it does.

How do you guys feel
about babies?

-Hate them bastards.
-What?

-What's wrong with you?
-I, I...

You are so warped.

I hope you didn't mean that.

No, no, I, uh, no,
of course not.

I don't know
where that came from.

Sorry. Go, continue, sir.

Good, because, yeah.

-We're about to have a-
-Uh, have a baby?

-Brother.
-Or sister.

-Huh?
-What?

Yeah. Your mom's pregnant.

Yippee.

[Leah laughing]

[music]

[music]

Wait, wait,
so you're having a baby?

Wait, that's yours?

Okay, you guys
don't seem excited.

No, yes, yes, we are,
we are so happy.

We are so, so happy.

Wait, so I'm not gonna
be an aunt?

I am way too young
to be called Auntie.

An aunt? Girl, no.

A big sister.

And, and I'm gonna be
a, a big brother.

Yes. [giggles]

Are you two on drugs?
What's going on?

No, Dad, we are so happy for you
and Mom.

Yes, yes, so, so, so happy,
so happy.

I love you guys so much.

I, I love you, I love you,
I love you, I love everybody.

In here. Come on, come on,
officers, right here.

They was over here
and she was coming.

Mr. Brown, is everything okay?

[Brown] No.

What's going on, Officer?
What's the problem?

Does anyone know this man?

He says there's some sort
of alien "infilter" going on.

Y'all didn't see them?
They was everywhere.

[music]

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