Original subtitles

And tonight's winning numbers are...

five.

Nine.

Fifteen.

Twenty-one.

And the lucky number.

- Thirty.

Congratulations to the winner.

Turn the water heater on, George.

Hm?

I'd like to shower.

I'm not sure turning on the water heater

should be on my list of responsibilities.

You're out here first. You've been out here since--

Just turn the water heater on, please.

I can't.

Why?

I'm busy making tea.

The kettle is making tea.

There she is.

Whoops.

Settle. Settle.

Turn the water heater on, George.

Going, going.

- Go to work. - Work?

Go to whatever you like to call it.

It's Sunday, the day of rest.

You know, it's never too late to try something new.

- Yes, it is. - I've suggested hobbies.

- Do I strike you as a beekeeper? - George.

Or maybe a stamp collector?

Or should I paint tiny toy trains

and make the conductor wave?

I am trying to cultivate a positive head space

until the audition.

Two days.

I only need two days of peace, George.

Goodbye.

Have a nice day, Annie.

Thanks, you too.

- What? - Mr. George Decker?

- No. - Yes.

- No. - Yes.

This is Jack and Associates Debt Collection.

Your outstanding balance of $65,100.5

- is past due--

The United States government

and the American Firearm Federation

would like to remind you that,

due to recently passed U.S. code 060519,

only the purchase of an approved firearm

has universal coverage of health insurance.

I repeat, health insurance can only be obtained or sustained with the purchase of an approved firearm.

Please see that your local department

for more information.

Hottest thing in the market.

Mm-hmm, yes I know it sounds like a lot--

I'm going to the Bahamas.

If I were you, I'd get in now. The fundamentals are sound.

It may be my brokerage,

but at the risk of offending compliance,

which is a department of me...

I just wanted to let you know

I'm investing in this company myself.

A wise decision. I'll put that through today.

All right. Love you too, Mom.

Flexing that economics degree, are you, Kent?

Uh, triple majoring at Bloward University cost a pretty penny.

I've got to put it to use when I can.

So, when are you headed to the Isle of June?

What's that?

The most beautiful place from space.

- I don't follow. - The Bahamas.

Ah.

I would like to think soon.

Soon.

Okay. Yeah.

Look at you. Go, go, George.

Go, go, George.

- It has a ring to it. - Alliteration.

- A literal ring, in a sense-- - I know what alliteration is.

- It's the constant repetition-- - I'm aware.

Do you know onomatopoeia?

I do.

Swah!

- Yes. - You're a smart man, George.

Always have been a smart man, even if you didn't want to.

I didn't mean to...

Oh.

Bygones and all that.

Yeah.

So, are you leaving soon, soon?

Have you been saving?

Yes.

Here and there.

No.

Well, maybe today's your lucky day.

Win the lotto, settle up with me,

and then jet off to a new life with the missus, huh?

All right.

Um, you know, I've never calculated a total.

- It's been years. - Time flies.

- Maybe we should get an idea? - Oh, I'd love to.

I'm-- I'm in a bit of a rush.

- Of course. - Work.

Okay, well, take pride in being a man

who's important to society, all right?

Oh, and did Annie book that infomercial?

Um, audition's in a couple days.

I-- I told you, as soon as her acting career takes off,

I'll pay you back.

But then that'll be her money, though, George.

We're married.

Have a good one.

Have you seen him?

No, sorry.

You're 45 minutes late.

We don't open till 11.

Why must we be here so goddamn early?

As Mother used to say,

"Preparation is the buns for the meat."

Preparation is the buns for the meat.

Mother said that.

Thank God for nonsense from your dead mom.

Are you implying that my experience isn't satisfactory?

I have been in the workforce longer than you've been alive.

Don't cry me any blue-collar tears, bitch.

Don't blame me for your horizontal life.

I'm moving you from the floor.

Excuse me?

I'm putting you in the custodial department.

- The fuck? - Don't you raise

- your voice with me. - What the flying shit?

I am a stellar waiter.

Mother made this restaurant

the institution that it is today,

and your commitment hasn't lived up

to our time-tested standards.

- My commitment? - I can't have you pi--

By your standards?

I can't have you pissing all over her grave

with your disrespectful behavior.

When have I ever exhibited disrespectful behavior?

Marie.

You're a worthless donkey roasting in the twilight

- of your life. - Hm. There's a raise for you.

- Thank you. - Tod, you're up.

Be cruel.

Y-- you-- you-- you're-- you're a miserable man,

and you smell like fat beer shit. Oh, I'm so proud of my boy.

- Thanks. - This is abuse.

This, this is corruption.

Is this your way of quitting?

Flowered boy can't figure out how to use a mop?

I'm not quitting.

But I'm taking the day off.

Unpaid. Naturally.

- I did well. - You did so good.

You did very good.

You getting ready for that audition?

Getting there.

Right two. Kick it up a notch.

I'm getting ready to mourn our 15th year anniversary,

- if you can believe it. - Oh, that's a big one.

Yeah, 15 years since Mickey moved me from everyone I love

to an entry-level job that he gets fired from,

only to end up baking all goddamn day.

- Got unlucky. - Don't say that, Annie.

Don't-- He fucks everything up.

If likes spending his time in the kitchen--

Shh.

I am doing something to celebrate, though.

Just me.

I'm going skydiving.

Skydiving? Alone?

Uh, there's an instructor at the flight school place. Ty.

Honestly, I'd rather spend my anniversary with him.

Ty?

Ty is a man.

Man of experience.

Reminder, turn off your cell phones

before class begins.

This is known, Abeline.

How can we turn our cell phones off before class begins?

It's already happened. The beginning is over.

That's probably Ty calling.

He's been trying to reach me all week. You know, it'd be sad if it wasn't so fucking cute.

- Must be nice. - Yeah.

And tonight's winning numbers are...

six.

Two.

Nineteen.

Twenty-three.

Fifty-five.

And the lucky number...

Congratulations to the winner.

Hi, everybody.

It's me, Triceraglocks.

Bang, bang.

The ticket to Target Island is your very own

Triceraglocks!

That's right. For just $3.99, you can...

I got shot today.

I got demoted.

Oh, shot and demoted.

That's almost impressive.

- What are you doing? - I read in a magazine today

that an actress must absolutely practice her vocal warm-ups

to keep her larynx loose.

- Please don't. - Wow. Wow.

- Wow. - Uh...

Ooh.

Ooh.

Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow.

- We really ought to get a gun. - No.

♪ Oh ♪

Wow. Wow.

- I'd like to see a doctor. - The answer is no.

- Wow. - We're the only people I know

that don't have a gun.

Okay, this is not up for debate.

And now I have to start over.

- What? - I forgot.

Oh, we scheduled dinner with Gemma and Mikey.

I didn't schedule anything.

- Put your coat on. - I just unwrapped this.

- Throw it in the fridge. - You want me to put a hot,

frozen dinner in the fri--

the shade of the reality.

Let's go further.

We have a material .

God.

Hi, honey.

Mm...

I'm surprised to see you made time for us outside the kitchen.

Oh, stop.

- How-- how are you? - Fine.

It's been an hour.

Uh, traffic, uh, on the highway was just brutal. Huh. Must have been an accident. I took the highway and flew.

Usuals for me.

We're supposed to be closed.

George, how's your end of things?

George got promoted today.

Good for you.

I've been saying it since day one.

You're going to be running that place in no time.

Have you been job hunting, Mikey?

Uh, you got let go...

when?

Time is an illusion to the fun employed.

Yeah, yeah.

No, I-- I've been busy.

I haven't slept in--

Oh, I haven't slept in--

I haven't slept in--

- I-- - He's been baking.

He is just so proud of those pies.

- I'll tell you my slogan. - Oh, can't wait.

Please.

"With a little discipline and a little practice,

hardly anything is off the table.

At Mikey's, the pies are on the table."

Goddamn you.

- It's a little wordy. - The message is-- that's...

- That is... - It's nearly there.

Oh.

- Mine is better. - Yeah, I've imagine that--

- Imagine so... - We knew, it was. Yeah.

Would you like a bite, sweetheart?

In-- in what universe would I eat pie to placate you?

Oh.

You're good, hon.

Whoo-wee.

- Tomorrow's the first. - Fuck.

- What? - What?

- Tomorrow's the first. - And?

Bill day.

Yeah.

That's sort of your thing, right?

Okay, I have been paying for everything forever

and I've decided that it's going to stop.

Uh, why?

I sell insurance, George. You know? I'm not rich.

Uh, we're married?

Well, how about your life insurance premium, for instance?

This is money I'm theoretically going to get when you die.

You should pay your premium. You should pay for your death.

Who says I'm going to die first?

- Don't be funny, George. - Why am I being punished?

You're not being punished. It's called a teachable moment.

You're teaching me. You are teaching me?

Okay, from tomorrow on, I'm covering my half.

- You're covering yours. - My half of what?

Everything. Okay? Times are changing, dear.

Don't you want to be a modern man?

Could've signed a prenup, you know.

Yeah, I know.

I thought you were going to be some big shot.

Turn the water heater on.

I'm making tea.

- The kettle is making tea. - The kettle does my bidding.

- I make the tea around here. - Hello?

Mr. George Decker?

- His wife. - Just as well.

- This is Jack--

The water heater.

The United States government

and the American Gun Owners Federation

would like to share an amendment

to the recently passed legislation.

Health insurance is now available á la carte,

without to the previously required assimilation

to purchase of firearms. Coverage begins at $200,000 per insured person.

We interrupt this program

for breaking news.

- The suspect... - Have you heard about this?

...for the murder of her 48-year-old husband. Police believe that the suspect had sabotaged

her husband's life jacket and pushed him overboard,

knowing he was unable to swim.

Court documents claim she was after a nearly

$2 million life insurance payout.

"And now night falls,

Me, tempest-tost, and driven from pillar to post,

A poor, worn ghost."

- That's beautiful. - Dowson.

Thought it might be yours.

Poetry might have been my second major

at Bloward University, but no.

In my three collections, I never reached Dowson.

But that's okay.

A man needs something to aspire to.

$2 million.

A nice chunk of change, but not worth it.

Worth what?

The soul, George.

Madness eats away at the soul.

Eh.

Do you ever get bored, Kent?

Bored of what?

This.

I built Kent's from the ground up

all by myself, man.

I, uh, I didn't mean to--

I know.

We all have bad days at work.

What about not working?

Well, that's what we work towards.

See, I don't-- I just--

I don't-- I don't know how I feel about that. About what exactly? - Working as a way of...

waiting.

Try to have a good one, George.

This one's on me.

This one's on me?

The numbers are...

nine.

Fuck!

Seven.

Eighty-eight.

Time to rehearse.

Do you have a life of spills, drips, and other wet messes?

Do you have a life of spills, drips,

and other wet messes?

Wow Sponge. Wow. Wow,

Wow. Wow. Wow, wow.

Wow!

There it is.

Wow Sponge!

There it is, yes!

Wow. Wow Sponge!

- George! - Mikey.

You two know each other? Our wives are friends.

Oh, small world.

You know, Mikey is about to start a business.

Isn't that something?

Gathering munitions, as it were.

And to have such a supportive wife

like Gemma makes all the difference.

I'm a lucky guy.

Usual for me.

Uh, put it on my card. Whatever George wants is on my wife this morning.

In that case, uh, ma-- ma-- make it two tickets then, huh?

Let's not get greedy.

Lottery, huh?

Not for me. I like to know where I stand.

- Me too, brother. - Different strokes.

- See you guys. - Mr. Decker.

George.

Top tier, isn't he?

Mm-hmm.

Principal Breyer.

Uh, who else would it be?

May I come in?

Uh, you need to schedule something with, uh, eh, what's her name out there? - Just hoping I could--

I don't mind talking with you when it's scheduled.

Okay? It's almost Triceraglocks hour in the auditorium.

You know the deal. Mandatory attendance.

Chop, chop.

- Just that I-- - I said chop, chop. Okay?

When an adult says "chop, chop," you chop twice.

Okay? Hmm.

I love my job. I love my job.

Incoming voicemail from Ty,

the hot skydive instructor.

Hello, Mikey.

Uh, can you stop, uh, whisking?

The huffing is nauseating.

Um, I'm out for dinner with a friend from work tonight.

That's all.

Welcome back to the all-day,

every day, true crime marathon where we show you

cheating spouses and gruesome murders,

24/7 in graphic detail.

For your casual entertainment.

"Don't come in today. Piper's building flooded."

Wow.

Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Wow.

♪ Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow ♪

♪ Wow ♪

Wow.

Wow, wow, wow.

Wow, wow.

Oh, wow.

Hello?

What?

Today?

You want-- you want to reschedule to today?

Toni-- Uh, oh, yes.

Yes, yes. I'll be right there.

Hello. Uh, 'm Annie Decker, and I'm an actress.

And I'm reading for the role of Wow Sponge infomercial host.

- Age? - Thirty-one years.

- Height? - 5'4", sopping wet.

No, 5'4". In heels.

5'4".

Social security number?

Social security number?

Zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero.

Yes, really.

Action.

Hi there.

I'm Annie from Wow! Sponge.

Do you have a life of spills, drips, and other wet messes? Are you a busy working gal in need of a quick fix?

Do you know what would fill

that unnameable hole inside of you,

eating you alive from the inside out?

I do.

It's the Wow! Sponge.

You'll be spilling things just to clean them up.

It's like a sponge, but... wow!

The Wow Sponge holds twice its weight in liquid.

Look at that. It's doing all the work.

Now that is what I call the "Wow Factor."

It doesn't drip. It doesn't make a mess. It's--

Say it with me.

Wow!

Now, the Wow Sponge goes for $3.99 a sponge,

which is a downright steal.

But if you call now,

and I mean in the next 20 minutes,

because we can't hand sponges out

all willy-nilly ad infinitum.

We will fill in a second Wow Sponge absolutely free.

That's right. You heard me.

That is two Wow Sponges for only $3.99.

I am swooning. Here's how to order.

You call 555-555-5555.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wow.

Beware, Wow Sponge imitators.

There is only one true sponge. And it's Wow!

That's 555-555-5555.

Oh.

I need you to take out the trash.

Why are you stopping?

Pick it up.

I'm off the clock.

Pick it up.

You have five seconds, George.

Five, four,

three, two...

Why do you treat me like this?

Who are you going to tell?

Oh, God. Oh, no, Lucy.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Oh, my goddamn knees.

- Whiny little boy. - I--

Oh, fuck.

You don't have to.

Do you want me to...

No.

We are proud to present the world premiere of...

Sylvia Plath,

poet, lover, lady carbon monoxide.

Did you pay for your half of the bills?

I paid for mine.

Got something to tell you.

Is it good night?

I got the part.

Oh. Oh, my God. About...

about the audition?

They changed it. I went in today.

I can't believe it.

I'm finally gonna make something of myself.

Oh, oh, my God, Annie.

Oh! Oh, dear good Lord, we're saved.

- W-- we? - You and me, baby, you and me.

Wh, uh, uh, where-- where-- where-- where--

where's the check? What's your cut of the royalties?

There's no money, hon.

It's non-union.

What?

No, I get paid an experience.

And experience is valuable. I mean, even more valuable than money, they said.

I just wanted to tell you in case

you wanted to have some sweet dreams tonight.

They're sending us sponges.

For free, George.

Free Wow Sponges.

Wow.

A $2 million life insurance pay.

And she almost made it, too.

That's sloppy.

Can't have witnesses. That's rule number one.

Make it look like an accident.

Everything you own is old and leaky.

Your house is full of shit, George.

No one would suspect a thing.

Send Annie to hell

and let the cool island breeze carry you home.

Lucy, I am taking the day off.

My wife and I are celebrating a professional accomplishment.

Yes, hers. I-- I-- I'm aware I haven't had

a professional accomplishment in some time.

Goodbye.

It's so exciting.

I mean, it's so cool, Annie, for real.

Shouldn't take this long to get a cup of tea.

Ugh, what's the rush? We're celebrating.

You took the day off for me. Let's enjoy it.

- I was thinking we could-- - I know, and I want to, but...

I gotta get to flight school.

- Again? - He's got me, Annie.

He's got me good.

Wait, do you always go there and never to his house?

- Never. - Why?

- Fuck. - Yes!

Oh, come on, come on. Come on! Come on!

Come on!

Fuck me.

I would.

- You can pick up. - Doesn't matter with you.

If Ty calls, I'll answer.

Don't you think he's gonna get, uh, suspicious?

That would require a single fucking brain cell

to fire about anything other than...

- pies. - Hmm.

Annie, if you had told me when I was a little girl

that pies would come to haunt me,

I mean, really, pies are my fucking cross to bear?

Annie?

Hmm?

Sometimes you get this, like, weird twitch in your eye.

Okay, I've never told anyone this.

Not even George. Well, you can trust me, right?

I mean, you know you can talk to me about anything?

Okay.

Well, these pills you see me take,

they're meant to stop me

from letting certain thoughts, certain--

Sometimes I picture just--

Oh, my God!

Mrs. Breyer. It's been a while.

Hi, Annie.

You ladies doing okay? Or...

Okay.

Good for you and Mikey.

So, Annie, how'd that audition go? I got the part.

That's amazing to hear. Congratulations!

I know. It's all happening so fast.

I mean, one day I was just like you,

- and now I'm on TV. - I left my wallet in the car.

Annie, can you...

- Yeah. - Thanks.

I'll put it on George's tab.

Tab?

I'll just take care of these now.

On me.

Wow, Annie, thank you.

That's mighty generous.

Annie, have you seen Gemma?

When was the last time you saw Gemma exactly?

- What? - I called the school

and they don't kn-- Hello?

- Is George inside? - No.

- Stop! - George! George!

Jesus Christ. Annie, you've got a gas leak!

- I think, yeah. - Gas, exactly!

George? Gemma?

George?

Gemma?

George!

Holy shit.

Mikey found a gas leak.

- Mikey? - Mikey is the interesting part

of what I just said?

Uh, Mikey found what?

A gas leak.

He was looking for Gemma. I was home. I smelled something.

I wanted a shower because she threw up on me

and all of a sudden, I couldn't breathe.

The fire department came and they said that

all the appliances are shot to hell.

And I opened all the windows and doors,

but it still smells like--

like rotten eggs, don't you think?

Where were you?

George, we need a new water heater.

That thing is shot to hell. I'm gonna go take a shower.

The water heater is out. It almost tried to kill me.

Are you hearing a word I'm saying?

I'll take it cold.

Here's how to order.

You call 555-555-5555.

Here it is again.

It's 555-555-5555.

Beware, Wow Sponge imitators.

There is only one true sponge.

And it's Wow!

That's 555-555-5555.

Future Oscar Walk of Fame superstar

right here in our goddamn midst.

Bravo, Annie. You did it.

It's a dream come true, guys.

You must be a proud man, George.

Speechless.

- Say something. - I'm speechless, I said.

Well, what are you two doing to celebrate?

- Oh, I don't know. We're gonna-- - You should go skydiving.

No, no, that's dangerous. - It's not. The instructors are well-trained.

How do you know so much about skydiving?

It's a hobby.

- It's active. - Come on, hun.

I've always wanted to try it.

- You have? - You knew that.

- I didn't. - It's quite the release.

- Seeing who's-- - I will book us a reservation

- tomorrow. - I'll refer you.

He will get you in wherever, whenever you want.

- He? - The skydive thing.

The automated-- the appointment number, Mikey.

Modern technology, huh?

Texting a skydive center?

That is unbelievable.

A toast! Oh.

- What's wrong with you? - It was an accident.

Sloppy.

Sloppy man.

I'm sorry.

Screwed up with the missus.

- She'll be fine. - Your missus.

How are you, George?

To be honest, I am drowning in debt

and woefully underappreciated

in every facet of my small, pathetic life.

I am attempting to pull off something truly devilish for which I will certainly burn in Satan's eternal fire,

but I can't imagine hell being any worse than life.

That's great. How's work?

Come by sometime.

I'll give you a free slice of pie.

I got pies galore at home.

We say ours are better than homemade.

No, no. Burgers Now is selling my pies.

- How's that? - And they pay well.

And that Lucy, well, she couldn't be nicer.

I like their ethos, too.

Preparation is crust for the filling. Solid mantra, that.

And the encouragement. Oh.

So refreshing to have higher ups that believe in you.

You know, Gemma's out all day, so I have the house to myself.

Sounds nice.

You'd think so.

The pies, George, the pies have been my salvation.

Salvation to salivate over.

How's that for a slogan?

The trick is the apple, okay?

Depending upon what type of apple you use, George,

you can dramatically alter the taste of the pastry.

Honeycrisp, Fuji, Granny Smith.

Gemma usually comes home pretty late,

and so I like to have something delicious waiting for her.

The way to a woman's heart is through her stomach.

- Must you taste it before-- - She's popular.

She's got friends and interests, and I love that about her.

Mmm.

Well, our first date.

It's my favorite picture of us.

- It's something, isn't it? - Do you need medical attention?

I was lucky.

Lucky as Lou Gehrig.

But, well, you know Gemma.

We start dating.

She stops answering my calls. We moved in together.

She rarely comes home. I manage, but--

There are dark moments, George.

And I think to myself,

"Oh, God, has she been cheating on me?"

I mean, that makes me sound crazy, doesn't it?

And the last thing I want to do

is be one of those hysterical men.

And I get the look,

"No, we don't have sex."

And I have a notebook full of things

I would love to experiment with when she's ready.

If I can be honest, George,

I think she might have become asexual.

Just doesn't interest her.

But when we first met, woo-wee, George,

she was whatever the opposite of asexual is.

- Sexual? - We haven't slept together in...

Can I be honest, George?

I'm-- I'm worried.

I'm worried about me.

I mean, do you listen to the radio, George?

Do you watch the television?

Are you aware of the terrible things

that people do to each other?

Why don't you clean yourself up?

Sure thing.

You okay?

Never better.

Did you, uh, get the water heater fixed?

Oh, got a new one at Kent's.

- Hmm. - Always on.

- Expensive. - Hmm.

Lucky you came by the other day,

or, you know, who knows what would have happened.

- Yeah, lucky indeed. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was looking for Gemma.

- Here? - Well, just checking.

Yeah. You find her?

- Nope. - No.

No.

Uh-huh.

Oh.

Hey, so Annie said that

you were out the other day when the gas leaked.

Indeed.

Where were you?

Old friends.

- Anyone I'm familiar with? - I don't think so.

Well, I might know them, given the pie situation.

These are friends work...

nights.

The graveyard shift?

Yes.

That's funny.

For a restaurant that closes at 9:00 p.m.

They're the cleaning crew.

Oh.

Oh.

- Okay, well, good night. - Good night.

So proud of you. I'm so proud.

Thank you.

Good night, you guys.

Did George seem a little off to you tonight?

No.

Hey, I really do love you, Gem.

I really don't want to do this, George. Come on, we're celebrating.

Say it with me.

- Live a little. - Wow!

Now, the Wow Sponge goes for $3.99 a sponge, which--

Yeah, what the fuck is up, you adrenaline junkies?

You goddamn adrenaline addicts.

What the fuck is up, you adrenal heads?

I'm Gail, but enough about me. How are you today?

- We're excited. - Hell yeah.

All right, now, listen up.

Come here. Story time. Come here.

People are always asking me,

"Gail, what's the trick to staying calm up there?"

All right, now, let's be honest.

It's in your DNA to fear, and that's why we're here.

Don't avoid it, confront it.

Head-on collision with our base instincts, motherfucker.

Yeah.

Now, here's a tip, all right? This is a Gail trademark.

If you look down, you're falling.

But if you look out, you're flying, baby.

Fucking A, right?

Yeah, all right, now, let me just go ahead and check this.

Yes. All right.

Now, um, you know, I do like to suggest

a quick visit to the old toilet day before we head up.

A little field trip to the piss and shit factory,

if you catch my drift.

Uh, yes, please. All right, well, follow me, darling.

I gotta empty the tank myself.

George?

Yep, I'm Ty.

- Uh. - You're Gemma's referral, yeah?

- That's right. - Ah. Cool.

Does she ever talk about me?

- Um... - Shit. Sorry.

Oh, so weird to ask. Ah, forget it.

She said she loves, uh, skydiving.

That's cool.

I love her.

Holy shit, is that the Wow Sponge lady?

All right, who's ready to fly?

Oh, excuse me. Huge fan.

- Oh, wow. - Wow, you said it.

- Wow. - Wow.

- Wow. - Wow.

- Wow. - It's like a--

Wow!

Oh, my God.

Wow. Truly.

Oh, oh, my stomach. I can't go up.

- What? - My stomach. - I can't go up. - I heard you,

- but what do you mean you're-- - Oof, ouch.

That'll result in a $2,000 per person cancellation fee.

What?

- Oof, ouch. That'll result in-- - I heard you. I hear all of you, but...

it's going to be $4,000 if we don't go up?

- Yeah. Oh! - Oh, dear.

All right, hey, listen, what?

I'll tell you this, okay?

If we go up, you and me,

lady friend, I'll spare you his fee.

I got the jet already fueled up.

It's all full of fucking fuel, and I'm ready to fly, baby.

Gail's ready to fucking fly!

- All right. - This was a gift for you. Go.

I don't want to do this, George.

You'll have fun. Go.

- What the hell? - It's my stomach.

It acts up. You know this.

It doesn't.

It does.

What do you say, Ms. Wow?

I'll go up. For you.

- That's a lot of money. - All right.

Smell, you bitch.

Okay, Ms. Wow.

Let's hit the jet stream and soar.

Fucking soar.

Bathroom's inside, to the right,

if it's that kind of stomach thing.

We're almost there.

We're almost there.

Holy shit. Holy shit!

Jesus fucking Christ!

Sorry.

I'll do it myself.

What?

This is East Lake Hospital.

I'm calling to confirm that you do not own

a health insurance qualifying firearm,

nor have you ponied up the dough to purchase one a la carte.

My wife was nearly killed.

God damn you.

You couldn't even wait an hour?

I could not, you'll be receiving a bill

in the amount of $200,000.53.

Annie Decker of Wow Sponge fame

is lucky to be alive after a harrowing accident.

Now that is what I call the wow fact--

We have a birthday.

Decker, you're dancing today.

- Lucy, I'm not dancing-- - I'm doing you a favor.

The $10 birthday bonus might help.

Your wife is all over the news,

and I imagine things are getting a little tight at home.

$10 is real money, George.

How about a birthday bonus for my boy?

It's your birthday. Happy birthday.

Every day is a gift.

This is yours.

Thank you.

Hit it.

♪ Baby, it's a silly birthday ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, another year older ♪

♪ Yum, yum, so eat some fucking cake ♪

♪ Baby, we ain't got to wait, so we might as well say ♪

♪ Oh, oh, look at this guy go ♪

- Cake! - ♪ It's made with love ♪

♪ It's got sprinkles on the top ♪

♪ A candle that'll pop, like this song ♪

♪ Happy birthday, Burgers Now ♪

♪ Fucking damn, Burgers now ♪

♪ Oh, oh, songs not over ♪

♪ I know you want more, you sexy little whore ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, so baby, get vulgar, you ain't getting younger ♪

♪ You old piece of shit ♪

♪ Happy birthday, Burgers Now ♪

♪ Fuck yeah, Burgers Now ♪

Wow!

Thank you. I-- I really needed that.

The Department of Gun Ubiquity is pleased to announce

that the purchase of an approved firearm

now entitles the gun owner to medical coverage,

dental coverage, mental health coverage,

an allowance for a gym membership,

an allowance for meditation courses.

- George. - Kent.

Is Annie doing okay?

Oh. She is remarkable.

A month later and she is already on her feet.

She's an inspiration.

Light of my life.

Nice flowers.

Thank you. Picked 'em out myself.

Trying to diversify.

I'll take the sunflowers.

An assorted bouquet?

Sure.

And rat poison.

Had an infestation a while ago.

Ended up with a barn cat.

Still better than any product on the market.

And you could save a life.

Adopt.

Has that always been there?

It's mandatory that all businesses

display their firearms ever since

they got rid of health ratings,

fire codes, and occupancy guidelines.

Oh, yes.

Oh, uh, excuse me.

Kent's Korner Store. Kent speaking.

How may I help you?

Um, it's for you.

- Who is it? - Jack and Associates.

I'll call them back.

He'll call you right back.

- They're rather angry about-- - Hang up the phone, Kent.

Apologies. You just missed him.

- Jack and Associates, huh? - Telemarketers.

- Brutal. - Relentless.

All right, let's get back to business.

Perfect. Okay.

George.

- You just missed him. - What did he get?

He's got a heavy tab, my friend.

What did he get this morning, just now?

Uh, a bouquet of flowers and rat poison.

And a lotto ticket, naturally.

- Were they sunflowers? - They were.

Annie almost dies in a freak parachute accident,

and now George is buying rat poison

and my wife's favorite flowers?

Okay, this isn't some crazy conspiracy--

Gemma's cheating on me, okay? I-- I know it.

I'm not gonna defend George's character, but--

Would you stand aside if you knew who the other man was?

Can you say for certain George is the other man,

despite his deeply selfish and destructive personality?

I know I'm right.

I know I'm right.

Now would be a good time to help.

Fresh flowers for the light of my life.

- I'm allergic to sunflowers. - Are you?

You knew that.

How about some lasagna for dinner?

I have plans.

I'm treating you to a home-cooked meal, flowers and lasagna.

I'm being romantic, darling.

- George? - Hmm?

I made plans.

Can't you at least pretend to love me?

You're supposed to be an actress.

George...

I'm making you dinner.

- I have-- - Let me be a good husband.

You're scaring me.

- It's lasagna. - George, stop.

It's flowers and lasagna.

- Stop walking. - Beautiful, Annie.

- George, stop! - Wow! Wow! Wow!

Annie!

She's not here.

I was supposed to pick her up.

What did you do?

Uh, I--

- I couldn't tell you. - Hmm.

Wait, let me text her.

Well, I'm fucking starving.

Um, I was gonna make lasagna.

Hmm. Enough for two?

Nice to be away from them, isn't it?

Almost feels like I'm alone.

Ah, paradise.

Nice to be away from them, isn't it?

Almost feels like I'm alone.

Paradise.

I told you I was having dinner at Annie's.

How's it going?

Good.

Who is that?

- George. - I...

thought you were having dinner with Annie.

Yeah, we were supposed to have dinner,

but she left and she isn't answering her phone.

- Gemma. - Look, I'm having

an impromptu dinner with George, okay? I'll talk to you later.

Jesus Christ.

Well, you missed dinner.

Time for me to turn in.

Good night, George.

- Uh, where were you? - Hiding.

Fame getting to you?

No, no, I think George is trying to kill me.

Mikey kills me every day.

He tried to poison me with lasagna.

I ate the lasagna. Do I look dead?

Can I just-- can I just stay with you for a little while?

Oh, Annie, I love you, I do,

but the place is cramped for two people.

And it's almost too small for Mikey now.

Yeah.

You really think George is smart enough

to kill you and get away with it?

He went to Bloward.

Well, there's little evidence of that, so...

Uh, I mean, look, you could--

you could divorce him.

No, he'd take half of everything.

Wait, you didn't sign a pre--

No, he didn't think it was a good idea.

Are you out of your mind?

You let him talk to you into a marriage.

You're fine, okay?

It's--

it's George, you know?

It's-- it's George.

Okay?

All right, I love you.

You call me if you need me, okay?

- Okay. - You're gonna be fine.

Bye.

George?

Wow.

Wow.

Do you fucking hear me?

Yes, ma'am.

And where were you yesterday?

Coffee and a slice of apple pie.

Uh, you're supposed to be on the clock.

Coffee and a slice of apple pie.

Make it two of each.

Lucy...

- What do you think you're-- - You'll speak when spoken to.

I'll just ask. I'll just come out and ask it.

Why do you torture me?

I want you to show me that you want to be here.

- You abuse me. - You like it.

- And you're well paid. - Don't.

This is my place. I run it how I want.

Mommy built it, no?

You need this place.

You need me.

I want you to show me that

- you want to be here. - You abuse me.

You like it. And you're well paid.

Don't.

- Well paid. - Legal wage.

Record me all you want.

I'll be fine. You know that.

Maybe life isn't about public opinion

so much as it is about one person

deciding something irreversible should happen to you.

Hmm. I'll be damned, Mikey.

Well done.

- George, please. - "George.

George, please."

What does "George" even mean?

"George."

It stopped sounding like a word after a while.

George. George.

George got good grades so he could get into college.

George...

did well at Bloward,

so he could get a good job.

I did have them too.

In the city. Did you know that?

Yeah, the city.

Me.

I was a part of it. Can you picture that, huh?

Me, fancy cocktail parties.

My business card out just so.

"Take me, take me."

Little bits of me stuffed into important wallets.

Then there was Annie.

Always in my ear.

Hmm.

"We should start a family.

We should move to the suburbs. Maybe we'd be happier."

You know something, Lucy? That woman has a lot...

of life in her.

She was--

she was always destined to-- to make something of herself.

She-- honestly, she...

she sees life as a-- as a--

kind of-- of, uh, opportunity,

an invitation...

to be someone.

It's infuriating.

And she has suppressed that.

For me, for-- for so long.

So long.

Honestly, is she-- she didn't want to,

she shouldn't have, uh, hitched her cart to this donkey

'cause I am...

who I've always been.

You wouldn't understand that. No.

You're a child.

I wasn't happy in the city.

I lived well beyond my means. I still wasn't happy.

I'm not happy now.

I have been alive long enough to know...

that I never will be.

Nothing I ever do will live up to

who I think George should be.

I played my part. I've stayed on track.

And now I'm j-- I'm-- I'm building up quarters.

Have you been to the Bahamas?

I'm going tonight.

Um, Lucy, um...

I really mean this, okay?

I hate you.

I hate you more that hate.

I hope you die early...

slowly...

and alone.

Can I get a deal on that?

Annie doesn't want one, so it would have to be quiet.

I can't do the paperwork.

Why do you need it?

Protection.

All these freak accidents, um--

I'm a little jittery.

I'll be fined, and so will you.

What's a little fine at this point, Kent?

You're a good person, George. Aren't you?

Absolutely.

I have never felt more hinged.

Can I use your bathroom?

Ah, there's something wrong with the loo,

- my friend. - What's going on?

Water just keeps rising and rising.

Okay.

Rising...

Don't worry, George. I'll manage.

I don't know how these work.

Engineering was my third major at Bloward University.

Since in the blueprint as part of an internship application. Didn't get the job. Never saw a cent of profits.

Could you imagine the kind of money that is?

I'm not bitter.

Just to know that they've helped people is enough.

Oh, um,

and I'm sorry to do this so callously,

but I added the.

A little over $40,000.

I don't blame you.

I don't blame you for not believing in me

when I asked you to open a store with me all those years ago.

I don't blame you for begging me to let you in on it

once you saw it was a success.

It-- it was my investors

that wouldn't allow me to do that.

I felt terrible.

I tried to do right, but I--

I know things haven't been easier.

But I'm here for you, George.

I consider you a friend.

And I value my customers and my friends equally.

So consider yourself double valued.

Coming out now as a friend.

And I hope in turn to be met with a friend.

Motherfucker.

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Hello?

What are you doing?

I told you I was having dinner with Annie tonight.

- Again? - Yes.

What are your plans till dinner? Are you at work?

Yes.

I'm coming to your office.

- I made a pie for you. - I don't eat pie, Mikey.

A nice midday surprise for my baby?

I'm-- I'm-- I'm out of the office.

You just said you were at work.

Well, I-- I am.

- What's going on? - Nothing.

Who is that?

Uh, no one.

That was a man sneeze.

Don't be hysterical, Mikey. It's unbecoming.

Hysterical? Are you cheating on me?

You're cheating on me.

- I know who it is.

He does?

Hello?

Mikey knows about the affair.

I'll pack a bag.

Come here and we can leave them together.

We could just fucking leave them.

I'm sorry. I never told you.

- I didn't think-- - Didn't tell me what?

I'm pregnant.

Gemma?

I'll make its life hell without even meaning to.

Hey, um... come quick, okay?

- Annie... - Just get in the car, Gemma.

Get in the car.

Kent's Korner Store

was the site of a robbery tonight and Kent,

the proprietor, was murdered.

Point-blank shotgun blast to the face.

Authorities obtained security footage,

which we are obligated to show you.

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Wow.