Original subtitles

Hello?

Who?

No. No, this is Morvern Callar.

Morvern Callar.

M-O-R-V.

I don't see anybody.

No.

Yes, it's the station.

No, no, I'm not from here, no.

I've lived here for years.

I was going to make a call.

Oh, don't worry.

I'm sure she'll be fine.

Yeah.

OK, then.

OK, thanks a lot. Bye.

Oh, aye, merry Christmas.

Sorry.

Where have you been? I'm freezing to death.

Sorry.

Where is he, then?

He's not coming.

And why not?

He's weird.

What's that? Jackie?

- Who's Jackie? - I found it.

Lucky bitch. It's gold.

What's up with you?

Here. Take this and shut up.

OK, boys, this time we'll play for Joan of Arc.

Hey, gorgeous.

- Hey, sexy. - Arsehole.

Merry Christmas.

Where's your man the night, then, eh?

- At home. - All right.

Don't tempt me.

Hello, Morvern.

Long time no see.

I thought you'd have been over to visit us by now.

Sorry.

What have you done with Dostoevsky tonight?

He's at home.

You leave him at home?

In the kitchen.

They're gonna their heads kicked in.

Where are you taking us?

I told you.

Come on.

Hello.

I told them my leg won't stop shaking, and then they said,

"Do you wanna go to the hospital?"

I said, "I don't know what to do

because my leg won't stop shaking."

Is this your house?

It's a really nice house, isn't it?

I like the bath.

D'you reckon we can get any more?

D'you reckon we can get any more?

D'you reckon we can get any more?

I reckon he's got some. I reckon he's got some.

I reckon he's got some.

I reck, I reck, I reck, I reck, I reckon he's got some.

I broke my nail.

Ask them. They might have seen it.

Have you seen my nail?

It's a sparkly blue nail.

Excuse me, have you seen my nail?

Look.

She's lost her nail.

Excuse me, everybody, but I've lost my nail.

I've fucking lost my nail.

It's nice. No, I think you've got a nice smile.

Don't worry about your smile.

How much do you like American people?

I said, have you seen my boyfriend?

I've lost my boyfriend.

Have you seen my boyfriend?

When you can sit on your own and not really say anything,

I think that's when you know when you really love somebody,

when you can sit on your own and not really say anything.

You know?

What are you doing out here? It's freezing.

Oh, shit.

How are you feeling?

Not too good.

That's the island where my foster mum is buried.

I'm fucked.

Ooh, I need a pee.

I do.

I need it. I need to do a pee.

I'm freezing.

Let's go to yours.

No, I don't wanna go home.

Hmm. I know what you mean.

A merry Christmas, hen.

Happy New Year, Gran. It's New Year.

It's New Year, is it?

Och, I thought it was Christmas.

I'm only winding you up, Granny.

Ah, get off me, toerag.

Put the whistling jenny on and we'll have a cup of tea.

Right, Granny.

A three-letter word meaning, um, what is it, neighbour.

Och aye. What would we say instead of neighbour?

Pal.

Pal. Three-letter word.

Pal. That's right.

I know, Mum, but it was snowing.

Well, Morvern's not got a phone.

Look.

Right.

Right.

Just shut up.

So what did you get me for Christmas, Granny?

What Christmas?

Thought it was the New Year.

Och, away with you, and have a hot bath, the pair of yous.

What are you gonna tell him?

You can tell him you crashed at mine.

Lanna.

What?

Summat bad's happened.

You're not pregnant, are you?

He's gone.

- He's left me. - What are you talking about?

He's left me.

Oh, he's probably just in one of his moods.

He's not.

He's really gone.

He's never coming back.

He's gone where?

Gone where?

Don't know.

To another country.

Another country?

You're not making any sense.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Is it something to do with me?

What?

I'll get some more towels. You look tired.

Are you going deaf or what?

I was buzzing for ages.

Sorry.

Merry Christmas, pet.

Oh, Lanna. I didn't get you anything.

I'm sorry.

Don't be daft. It's no big deal.

Come here.

And don't worry. He'll come back.

Lanna Phimister to bakery section.

Great.

I'll meet you at Menzies at nine, right?

Can Lanna Phimister

please make her way to bakery section?

Don't worry. He'll be back, tail tucked between his legs.

Loose carrots at 69 pence a pound.

Thank you for shopping at Pennysaver.

Hello.

I'll get the snow off my boots.

Are you looking for Lanna?

No. I was kinda wondering how you were.

What are you doing here?

Na-naa!

What? What is it?

I booked us both a fortnight at a resort.

You're kidding!

Better talk to Creeping Jesus about changing your shifts.

And don't worry about money.

Oh my God!

Lynn, I cannae believe it!

Morvern, you are so lovely to me!

Oh, it's all right. It's your Christmas present.

Where did you get the money?

The bank.

Lanna!

What are we going to do when we get there?

Be quiet.

It's an old woman that lives there anyway.

He's left all his stuff, eh? Even the computer.

It's kinda creepy, innit?

Oh, my head's buzzing with this tab.

We've got to put some music on.

What do you want on?

Some of his stuff.

Did you know that Shadow, the shelf-stacker,

got the boot from work?

I don't wanna talk about work.

Oh, I hated him. He's a real perv.

Hey. Let's look at some of his stuff on the computer.

No.

Come on. Maybe he's wrote something about me.

I don't want to.

You're a pure bore.

Let's do some hoovering.

Oh, come on. It'll be a brilliant trip.

No.

Do you want to do some baking, then?

Got to do it right.

Oh, that's brilliant.

It's pure dead brilliant.

Pure dead brilliant.

It's not sticking proper to the wee pasty underneath.

Your hand's shaking.

Cake. It's a wee cake.

Morvern?

What?

What?

What?

You know we were pals?

What, us?

No. Me and him.

We were good pals.

What d'you mean?

You'll be in a massive huff.

Did you go with him, then?

Look, Morvern, I know how terrible it must feel to you,

but it realty wasn't what you think.

I'll understand if you don't want me to come on holiday.

I'll stay here and look after the flat.

It's not that I don't want to come. I'd love to come.

You're my best friend, Morvern.

I'm sorry, really.

I got your letter.

I'm glad you like the book.

I can't come and meet you in London

because I'm off to Spain.

Um, it's the, uh,

Hotel Rozinante.

Come on!

We 're missing the plane!

- Sorry! - Hurry up!

You're lucky to be on the flight.

There it is.

No, it's over there.

Look, there it is.

This is great.

Lanna!

- Come on. - What about the buses?

No, come, we'll get a cab.

Are the buses here already?

No, we got a lift.

There's a special bus

laid on for you, you know?

So?

Name?

Morvern Callar.

Oh, by the way, there's a message for you.

Let me see.

Give it back.

Tom Boddington.

Give it back. I said give it back!

There's no need to get nasty.

So who's Tom Boddington, anyway?

Just a guy I met.

Where?

The airport.

At the airport? How does he know you're here?

'Cause I told him.

Fab!

This is cracking.

Lanna Phimister and Mervo Caller?

Morvern Callar.

Marvern Caller?

Morvern Callar!

Marvell?

Oh, for fuck's sake!

- Good morning. - Look. Never mind.

It doesn't matter. What is it?

Good morning, Marvell Caller.

Welcome to Grand Hotel Rozinante.

A very pleasant stay.

OK?

OK.

You speak English?

Very quiet.

Swedish?

Me Dazzer.

That's Dave.

Helga.

Ha! Olga.

Olga?

Olga?

Olga.

Olga.

- Olga. - Olga.

German?

So you are German?

I know someone from Germany. A bloke.

Alw in.

Alwin Kuchler from Germany.

Do you know him?

Slappers!

Look at them two over there.

Get off!

Get off!

I like champagne.

Oh, me too.

Morvern, this is great.

You're so good to me, and I really don't deserve it.

Oh, shut up.

I mean it.

You're such a good friend.

You're great.

That's enough now.

And there's plenty of guys who fancy you.

You'll have no problem finding a new boyfriend.

Who said I wanted a new boyfriend?

Like that guy Tom you met at the airport.

Have you phoned Tom? He obviously fancies you.

What are you talking about?

Let's go in.

I'm going in.

Hey, there's beasties floating about. Look.

People are fucking trying to sleep up here!

Fucking cut it out! I'm trying to sleep!

Would you mind, children?

Swap your swimsuits. Away you go.

Now, if these cats in the bag,

they don't quite get into the spirit of things,

why, they're gonna end up in the swimming pool.

Shall we put them in the pool?

In the pool, please.

How are you getting on in there?

Hey, nice one, Tony!

Now, I think they've had long enough for now.

Drum roll. Drum roll, everybody.

Here we go.

Look at that.

Don't they just, don't they look lovely?

They're beautiful. Big round of applause.

Thank you very much.

Morvey.

Morvey!

- You like my hat? - Yeah, it's lovely.

I can't stand up, mate. I am mashed!

- He's an ugly cunt. - Aye, I'm an ugly cunt, like.

I like your pants.

Oh, do you like them?

Very nice.

I never take it off. My hair's a fucking mess.

Do you like it like that? Does it work?

- Come on, show your head. - That's much better.

It's matte, greasy.

I don't wash it, you see.

It makes it dry.

We just got a cheap flight, didn't we?

We don't know how long we're gonna be here.

We're looking for jobs. Do you want a job?

Nah, you're all right.

I don't want one either.

What's your name?

- Lanna. - Paul.

Right, Lanna?

- Lanna, yeah. - Lara?

- Lanna. - Lanna? Lanna.

Lanna, as in, like, Lanna the Llama?

Fucking hell.

It's all right.

Do you wanna come to Reverb with us later?

It's only down the road, and it's fucking good, innit?

- Right. - It's a great club.

It's, like, two big fucking rooms, right?

- 24 hours, man. - 24 hours.

They close one room and, like, clean the other.

How can they close one and clean the other, you spacker?

You're doing my fucking head in.

You're doing it on purpose to show me up, you prick.

I was saying summat.

Oh, Sashy. Our fucking mate Sasha.

Man, he's fucking off his head.

He came here for a week.

Found the fucking. All right, mate?

- All right, mate? - Dick.

Found him a month later,

a month later in the Reverb,

just been living on fucking orange juice and burgers, man.

It's fucking great. He completely fried his brain.

So are you gonna come with us?

- Aye, great. - Yeah?

You ought to, really. It's gonna be a fucking laugh.

It'll be a good night. It just goes on and on.

You just fucking get smashed, you know what I mean?

You get some fucking nuts.

I'm fucking off me nut now, mate.

Do you think they're cute?

But I might go somewhere else.

Where's she going?

Ah, she'll be all right. She's not getting any.

Yeah?

Go away!

Fuck.

No. No.

You all right?

My mum's dead.

Will you stay for a while and talk to me?

I'll tell you about my foster mum's funeral, if you like.

I've got to go back.

Who's there?

It's me.

What time is it?

Half nine.

Where have you been?

We've just taken some E's.

- Hi. - Hi.

Do you want one?

What are you doing with the bags?

Get dressed. We're leaving.

What are you doing?

I said, get dressed, we're leaving. Come on.

You sure you don't want a pill?

What's the matter with you?

We're going elsewhere.

Where?

What are you looking at?

Pervert!

Come on!

What the hell is this?

Morvey!

Morvey!

Where are we going?

Somewhere beautiful.

Lanna!

Lanna!

Lanna!

Leave me alone.

Leave me alone, you old bag!

Lanna!

Lanna!

Lanna!

Lanna!

I don't like it here. I wanna go back.

Where's your case?

I don't know.

And the new bikini and everything.

I can't believe it.

That cost a fortune.

And the pink dress.

Everything.

This is too depressing.

This is amazing.

This? It's the middle of nowhere.

I cannae walk.

Oh, that's a sign.

It's a sign for a hotel, I bet you.

- Come on. - There's nothing up that way.

- Come on, you. - It's just mountains.

Come on.

Oh, I cannae walk. My feet are killing me.

Have you got a light?

Something just bit me.

This place is crawling.

You sure you haven't got a light?

You don't understand, Morvern.

We are lost in the middle of nowhere.

I wanna go back.

There's nothing wrong with that place.

I liked it. I was having a great time.

What?

Did you hear that?

What?

There. Look.

There's eyes. Somebody's watching us.

This is all your fault.

Why did we have to go anywhere anyhow? I hate this place.

Stop laughing. It's not funny.

- You hate me, don't you? - What?

You still fucking hate me because of him, don't you?

What are you talking about?

You think he's left you because of me.

That's what you're thinking, ain't it?

Shut up, Lanna.

It was just a stupid fuck. Wasn't even a good one.

And you're making it into some big deal.

Ah, shut up, Lanna.

Just get over it, for fuck's sake.

Shut up. He's dead.

I'm sick of your stupid moods.

I mean, we could have been out clubbing it.

Instead, we're fucking surrounded by donkeys and cactus.

What's wrong with you? What do you want?

What planet are you on?

You're too fucking weird.

Where are you going?

Away from you.

That's my case.

Bitch.

Jackie.

Jackie.

Hello?

Hello, can I speak to Tom, please?

Oh, sorry. Tom Boddington.

Yeah.

It's Morvern.

Sorry. Morvern Callar.

Hello.

Hi.

Yeah, I'm still in Spain.

Yeah.

One of the best, you know,

first novels I've read for a while.

I mean, I think, you know, what I really loved

was hearing such a distinctive female voice.

Loved just each character.

The honesty I loved. It's amazing.

- Very fresh. - Hmm.

It's brilliant.

It's a brave piece.

So how are you finding it here?

Are you having a good time in Spain?

Aye, it's great, yeah.

It's really beautiful when you get

to the quiet places, you know?

I like the ants.

So tell us something.

Tell us something about yourself, about your background.

Well, I do books myself

because it's got a lot to offer me,

you know what I mean?

It's much better than waking up on cold mornings

knowing it's 39 years to go to pension, you know?

I mean, when you're writing,

you can just knock off when you want.

Look out the window, smoke a cigarette,

then make a cup of coffee, take a shower.

- Is that OK? - Yeah, no.

- Sure. - Yeah, of course, of course.

Is there anyone on the business side re: the book

that we should be talking to specifically?

Someone back in the UK?

Yeah, do you have an agent

or someone looking after your book?

Me. I mean, talk to me.

Directly? Great.

- Fine. - That's great.

- Well, um- - Fantastic.

That's how we like it. No agent.

Since we're talking to you directly,

what did you have in mind, deal-wise?

Well, shall I just put something out there?

We were thinking of something in the region of 100.

I know it's a bit awkward talking about money.

Well, Morvern, I'll be direct.

I mean, we love the novel. That's why we're here.

We don't just jump on the plane to Spain at a day's notice

on every unsolicited manuscript that comes through the door.

But you are a first-time writer,

and as such, we're taking a risk taking you on,

and you have to appreciate that.

I can assure you that for a first-time writer,

100,000 pounds is a really good deal.

Can I go to the toilet?

Of course.

Fucking hell.

Fucking hell!

So when do I get the money?

Well, I mean, you know,

these things take a little bit of time, but soon.

We have to go through lawyers,

paperwork, that sort of thing.

We'll sort it out.

So how long does that take?

If you sign the contract here now,

then, you know, by the time we get back to London,

we could get a check to you immediately.

So Morvern, are you working on any new material?

Material?

Just give us just a few words.

Go on.

What are you working on next?

Hey, I'm on holiday.

Oh, come on, woman. Don't be be shy.

What's your next book about?

Sneak preview.

I work in a supermarket.

Supermarket? Love it.

Here, take a picture.

Checkout girl, say cheese.

Chin-chin.

- Chin-chin. - Chin-chin.

- Chin. - Chin.

So Morvern, do you really work in a supermarket?

The fruit and veg section.

No, Lanna.

Lanna.

Lanna Phimister.

That's right.

Yeah.

Aqualand?

Right, right.

No, I'll call back later, thanks.

No, no message. Thank you.

How have you been?

Same old, same old.

Back on the early shift till the end of my days.

So where did you go, then?

Oh, I met this group from Leeds.

Completely mental. Absolutely mad.

Such a good laugh.

Oh, and I met this guy.

He's one of the guys from Leeds.

His name's Drew, and he's coming to see me in a fortnight.

Oh, that's great.

You'll like him. He's a good laugh.

Lanna, I'm going again.

What?

Do you wanna come?

Don't worry about money.

What are you talking about? What money?

It doesn't matter.

And what about work?

Fuck work, Lanna.

We can go anywhere you like.

But I'm happy here.

Are you?

Yeah. Everyone I know is here.

There's nothing wrong with here, Morvern.

It's just the same crapness everywhere, so stop dreaming.

- Whiskey, Morvern. - Thanks a lot.

Yours were...

Coke and rum.

Thank you.

Ta.

I'm off to the toilet.