Original subtitles

Finding a sacred scroll in here

is like finding a needle in a needle stack.

[SANDY] It'll be fine, Pigsy.

[PIGSY] It should have sprouted by now.

You'd know that if you knew anything about plants.

Should be a botanical section here somewhere.

It's an infinite archive, there's an everything section.

[MONKEY] Everything.

Can we please just focus on our mission?

We have to stay close.

[SIGHS] Great.

It says here it needs 12 spritzes of water every moon cycle.

When did you last give it water?

You've never told me you could do that.

Can't everyone do it?

What else have you got up your sleeve?

It's actually from my finger.

[PIGSY] No, don't... That's enough.

You're gonna grow into a beautiful thing.

I believe in you.

Thank you.

Not you, the plant.

Positive reinforcement encourages growth,

- like music or poetry. - Huh.

♪ You're the best ♪

♪ You're beautiful and awesome ♪

♪ Sprout your little leaves Little planty ♪

♪ Show them to the world And the sun ♪

♪ Moon sky And midnight shadow ♪

♪ The sickly crow caws ♪

- Ca-kaw. - Okay, that's...

- Ca-caw! - That's enough.

- You're traumatizing it. - You're mollycoddling it.

- Yeah, because it's my life... - Mycelia gave it to me.

You don't understand.

We need to look after it and you don't know how to do it.

[BOTH CONTINUE ARGUING INDISTINCTLY]

Shush! Shush!

[WHEELS SQUEAKING]

[BOTH GRUNTING EXPRESSIVELY]

- [PIGSY] Hmm. - Mm-mm.

[BOTH CONTINUE GRUNTING]

[BOTH GRUNTING FRANTICALLY]

[BOTH GRUNTING AND STRAINING]

Why do you keep running off?

Why can't you keep up?

- Oh, that's right, you're a human. - [SIGHS]

Hey, this doesn't look like me.

Don't you think? I mean...

I don't know. Same smile.

Come on, let's go find Sandy and Pigsy.

What does it say here?

"And so the Monkey King tore the world asunder

when he stole the sacred scrolls from Jade Mountain."

I never did that. That's unfair.

I know, but history is subjective.

Someone might say one thing,

and someone might say something else.

Oh. Then what does this one say?

"Consensus among historians is rare,

but all agree that The Monkey King is a real piece of sh..."

[BOTH CONTINUE GRUNTING]

[BOTH GRUNTING FRANTICALLY]

Oh!

Oh. Oh, oh, oh. I love games!

- [GRUNTING FRANTICALLY] - [SANDY] Hmm?

[BOTH CONTINUE GRUNTING]

- You're putting fingers to your mouths? - [BOTH GROAN]

You put mud on your faces?

[BOTH GRUNTING]

You shook it off like a dog?

[BOTH GRUNTING ENCOURAGINGLY]

No, like a goat.

[BOTH GRUNTING FRUSTRATEDLY]

She did this?

[BOTH GRUNT EXCITEDLY]

Hey! Hey, hey, hey, you...

You better give my sidekicks back their mouths back, or I'm gonna...

Shh! This is a library.

If you can't keep your voice down, you shan't keep your voice.

[MONKEY GRUNTING]

[PIGSY GRUNTING]

My friends and I are looking for the sacred scrolls

containing the treasured wisdom of the gods.

We have 3.4 quintillion scrolls.

All of their knowledge is sacred, all of their wisdom is treasured.

You'll have to be more specific.

They are 500 years old, and they're written

in the ancient language of the gods.

Of the three ancient scrolls held in the Infinite Archive,

one went missing,

one is on loan several centuries overdue,

and the other one is in closed reserve.

Great. Which one do you have?

You tell me.

It is the answer to every question you've got.

When you think you have it, you have it not.

[WHEELS SQUEAKING]

[ALL GASP]

Thank the gods. Oh, I thought I'd never eat again.

She gave us a riddle. I love riddles.

Yeah, me, too. Me, too.

Everyone, stand back and watch me answer it.

Give me a clue.

I don't have a clue. It's not my riddle.

- Just... Just one clue. - But I don't have one.

- Just... - She said,

"It is the answer to every question you've got. When you think you have it,

you have it not."

You know, uh, it's... No, it's...

[TRIPITAKA] Knowledge.

Knowledge is the answer to all of our questions.

We're looking for the Scroll of Knowledge.

[DOOR OPENS]

It's exactly what I was gonna say. I knew it.

I knew it.

Everyone, follow me.

Good one, Tripitaka.

The Monkey King is in the Archive of Infinite Scrolls

that holds the Sacred Scroll of Knowledge.

Knowledge, you say?

Well, I propose that the demon council grant me permission

to journey forthwith unto the Infinite Archive

and claim said scroll on its behalf.

Why should we care about a stupid Scroll of Knowledge?

Because as someone brilliant once said,

"Knowledge is power."

And that someone was me, just then.

I'll be smoked if I entrust such a powerful weapon

to such a pompous weakling.

Well, my dear General, the quill is mightier than the sword.

Tell that to my sword.

Well, I don't have to.

My dear friend Dreglon said that you're no good with it.

I wouldn't listen to that ugly demon scum.

Who you callin' ugly, you armored cud bucket?

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[CHOKING]

Well, I'll be off to the archive, then.

Fail and I'll snap your neck like a chicken.

But of course.

[KHAN AND DREGLON CONTINUE GRUNTING]

[KHAN] You will pay for this!

"After the reign of chaos,

there is order in the heavens."

All right, Tripitaka, you nailed the last one.

Got any ideas?

No, but I feel like these statues

are gonna come alive at any moment.

Now this is a problem I can solve.

[GROANING]

[STATUE GRUNTS]

Oh.

Okay, they're pretty strong.

So is Pigsy!

[BOTH GRUNT]

Find their weak point.

[GRUNTING]

[METAL CLANKS]

I don't think they have a weak point.

- [STATUE YELLS] - [SANDY GRUNTS]

After the reign of chaos, there's order...

[GRUNTING]

Got one.

And he's back!

[ALL GRUNTING]

[SIGHS] These guys suck at dying.

[STATUE GRUNTS]

Order. You have to defeat them in the right order.

What order is that?

Uh...

[MONKEY GRUNTS]

Okay, red's dead. Who's next?

Uh, yellow. Yellow, I think it was yellow.

No. Orange, then yellow.

[MONKEY GRUNTING]

It's the same order as a rainbow.

Ha, order in the heavens, of course.

- Who's next? - Blue, indigo, then violet.

[SANDY GRUNTING]

[MUTTERING]

- Indigo. Indigo. - Yeah, okay, okay. Got it, got it, got it.

Indigo. Indigo.

No.

Stop!

- [PIGSY] Stop! - [MONKEY] Oh, sh...

Indigo, it's half way between aubergine and cerulean.

Since when are they colors?

Since always.

You have no place here, demon.

Oh, you sure?

You might wanna check your list.

Cranius Kang is the name.

Your family will remember me as the one who put a full-stop

at the end of the tiresome sentence that is your life.

We'll see about that.

The untranslatable language of the gods.

"Icicles"?

Well, it's an interesting form of attack.

If we conjugate the verb here,

and use the present subjunctive form there,

making this a double negative,

then "ice" becomes "fire."

So, what was coming for me, is now coming for you.

[PIGSY SIGHS]

Well, that was tougher than it needed to be.

[SIGHS] It's a dead end.

[THE LIBRARIAN] It could well be.

"They can make you laugh or make you cry."

You can't run from them, or even hide.

"You'll all become one when you die."

A tree! Remember? The Graveyard of the Gods.

[PIGSY] She said you all, uh...

- What do humans become when they die? - Gross?

What makes you laugh but also makes you cry?

- A Pigsy fart! - Oh, says Mr. High Protein Diet.

You're a high-everything diet.

- Now's not the time. - [SANDY] Someone's coming.

- [MUFFLED THUDDING] - Someone strong.

Sword. Ninja. Cloud. Demon. Tree. Earth. Monkey. Timber...

You're just saying random words.

What can't you run or hide from?

Her.

[YELLS]

The Demon Queen Hakuru.

- You said you killed Hakuru. - [WHISPERS] I did.

You'll be able to do it again, right?

Last time, I had an army.

[SCREAMING]

Pain! You can't hide from pain.

But you can hide from whatever's causing it.

Not if it's deep inside.

Now's not the best time for a therapy session.

That's it. That's what you can't hide from,

that's what makes you cry!

Now would be a good time to share before we all become...

Uh... The memories!

Oh.

Monkey, you okay?

Yup.

[GRUNTS] I knew she couldn't come back.

When Monkey kills you...

you stay dead.

[DOOR OPENS]

Come on, everyone. Follow me.

A peach.

Just a peach.

It is a peach.

That can't be it.

Oh... yeah, I know this one.

I might let all of you solve it.

It's good for your confidence.

- Especially you. - Thank you.

A peach? What does it mean?

It could mean anything. It's a peach.

After the reign of chaos, there is order in the heavens.

Oh, yes, what a delightful pun on the word "rain."

Now, obviously I have to strike

these warriors down in the order of a rainbow.

I remember the colors using an elementary mnemonic.

Rudimentary Obfuscations.

Yield Gratuitously Baffling Inevitable Vicissitudes.

Now, there are 21 other colors in a rainbow

invisible to the naked eye.

I see you didn't use those

because you've set your puzzles at beginner level.

Hmm?

Ugh, I hate this stupid peach.

[DOOR OPENS]

A peach. Of course it would be.

Of all the riddles, this surely is the most elegant,

the most satisfying.

But still, to an intellect such as mine...

[CHUCKLES] mere child's play.

The answer to the riddle of the peach is...

[MONKEY] Uh, it's not fair.

His head's ten times the size of mine.

[PIGSY] I'd say two times the size, Monkey.

I should've thought of that.

He's an intellectual giant.

I know he's a demon, but it's hard not to be impressed.

Can I slay him now, please?

No, you may not.

As a seeker of knowledge, he has as much right as any to the Scroll of Knowledge,

if he proves himself worthy.

When he proves himself worthy.

Regardless of how you did it, you've done it.

You've made it past the peach.

No one has ever come this far.

I wanna punch him so bad.

[THE LIBRARIAN] Welcome to the closed reserve.

But alas, you are too many.

Only three of your four may face the final

and most difficult of challenges.

- You must decide who. - Okay, team.

Huddle in. Let's hash it out.

Now, we've all got strengths and, uh, weaknesses, okay?

Tripitaka, you're one of those weaknesses,

so why don't you sit out and let the gods handle it?

Uh, hang on. Tripitaka is clearly the best at riddles. She's in.

- Well, then who's out? - No one.

Somebody has to sit out, that's the rule.

It's a silly rule.

Tripitaka, you've made a lot of great decisions so far,

so, why don't you pick?

- Me? - [MONKEY] Okay, fine.

It's the monk's call.

Who is it? Sandy?

Or Pigsy?

Have you reached a decision?

Come on, Tripitaka. It's a bit of a no-brainer.

Oh, you're all no-brainers, if I'm honest. [CHUCKLES]

Monkey.

- I'm really sorry. - [THE LIBRARIAN] Very well.

Monkey, you will face Cranius alone.

But wait, you said...

I said three of you will have to face the most difficult task.

And what could be more difficult

than leaving your fate in the hands of your weakest link?

Monkey, I'm so sorry.

- I'm really, really sorry. - [SANDY AND PIGSY GRUMBLING]

Shush!

From now on, if you indicate or hint to your champion, you will be disqualified.

"The Scroll of Knowledge is in this very room.

Take the wrong one home and your head goes boom."

[WHIMPERS]

Mm.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

Whew.

[MONKEY] Hmm.

[CHUCKLES QUIETLY]

[SMACKS LIPS]

I have it.

[THE LIBRARIAN] Go on.

One could be forgiven for thinking the Scroll of Knowledge

is indeed this gold-plated scroll,

for knowledge is the most valuable of riches.

But who's to say the smartest of us cannot be of modest means?

Whereas the Scroll of Knowledge could be this ancient stone tablet,

suggesting that knowledge is ancient and enduring,

but technically, it is a rock, not a scroll.

And of course, Monkey, so enamored with himself,

has chosen the mirror scroll,

not realizing it's supposed to be

reflective of self-knowledge.

But even self-knowledge cannot exist in a vacuum

and depends on exposure to external stimuli...

Uh, have I lost you?

Mm?

Mm-mm.

Mm.

So, naturally, the true Scroll of Knowledge is the blank scroll,

for the world is chaos and we must write our own destinies, of course.

And it is in that act of writing that we discover

that truth is incommunicable without bias.

True knowledge is essential and formless,

like the pure space on a blank white page.

Oh, you dropped something. Your jaw. [CHUCKLES]

Uh, take the scroll, for you've truly earned it.

Well, what an absolute pleasure it has been

for you to witness my unfathomable brilliance.

You are all a lot smarter as a result of having met me.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm running late for my meeting at the demon council.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

[SANDY GASPS]

Monkey, stop him.

Oh. First you want me to sit out, and now you want me to do something?

Hmm.

Oh, yes. How predictable.

[GRUNTS]

You'll swing your rake, I'll move, you're heavy,

you'll fall.

Your scythe has reach,

but it is easy to see it coming,

not to mention weak in close combat.

- [CRANIUS GRUNTS] - [GROANS]

And you, mere mortal,

you have no powers and no place being here.

Get out of my way, human.

[MONKEY GRUNTS]

- How could you? - How could you?

You know, it's one thing for the whole world not to trust me,

but you, too?

Maybe the historians are right. Maybe you're as bad as they say.

You know, it's a good thing I don't feel any pain,

because that would have hurt.

[THE LIBRARIAN] Better luck next time.

But there won't be a next time.

No, I suppose not.

Well, good luck with whatever's next.

Good one, Monkey.

[SCOFFS]

You guys are hopeless.

Do you really think I'd let a demon walk out of here with a sacred scroll?

The scroll he chose was not the Scroll of Knowledge.

What?

You thought Cranius was right to choose the blank scroll,

when in fact he only chose it because he already saw himself as the smartest.

But just because I'm handsome doesn't mean I can't be smart.

Because sometimes outward beauty is a reflection of inward brilliance.

So, the true Scroll of Knowledge is indeed...

the mirror scroll.

No, it's not.

That is.

- I beg your pardon? - [TRIPITAKA] It was hiding in plain sight,

telling us only what we needed to work it out for ourselves,

even when it seemed impossible.

That's the true Scroll of Knowledge.

Is that your final answer?

I don't need to remind you of the consequences of guessing wrong.

It's not a guess.

[CRANIUS] I have it, the Scroll of Knowledge!

Bow down before me,

for I am the smartest living creature in all the known world!

[ELECTRICITY BUZZING]

[GROANING]

[SCREAMING]

[BURSTING]

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

Five-hundred years ago,

the scroll tumbled down my chimney.

Over centuries, it inspired me to build this archive.

The scroll gave me long life

and the knowledge to protect it.

Now I can rest...

knowing that I hand my scroll to its rightful bearer.

[SMACKS LIPS]

Well, that was horrific.

Come on, let's go.

[SANDY] Hang on.

I almost forgot something. Nappy!

[PIGSY] My plant. Sandy? Where's my plant? Sandy!

You left it on the table?

How could you leave it on the able all this time?

Because... that's what it needed.

Uh...

[PIGSY CLEARS THROAT]

So... [GRUNTS]

- Where to next? - This way.

Did you just pick a random direction for the next sacred scroll?

Well, I threw the scrolls in random directions,

it only makes sense that we head in a random direction.

Why don't we ask the Scroll of Knowledge?

After all that effort, we may as well put it to good use.

Good idea.

Which way next, Tripitaka?

[SIGHS] Scroll of Knowledge, where will we find the next sacred scroll?

[VOICES WHISPERING]

Oh. Oh!

Wait, which way was it again, Tripitaka?

[INHALES SHARPLY] Told ya.

This will become the story of Monkey everyone knows.

Finding the sacred scrolls,

taking them to the gods of the Western Mountains,

restoring balance to the world.

You'll write my story?

Of course, but you have to do something for me.

Forgive me for not trusting you.

But I was wrong about which scroll it was.

But you were right about which it wasn't.

That's true.

I guess I did solve the riddle of the archive after all. Huh.

- Write that down. - [CHUCKLES]

How's my plant doing there, Sandy? Looks a little dry.

Pigsy, honestly.

♪ You're so beautiful Planty ♪

♪ Sitting in your pot ♪

[PIGSY CONTINUES SINGING INDISTINCTLY]