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1
00:00:03,904 --> 00:00:05,539
(both grunt)
2
00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:06,674
There you go.
3
00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:08,342
I can't believe
you're already moving.
4
00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:09,510
Yeah, I know, man.
5
00:00:09,643 --> 00:00:11,445
I was only looking
for a few weeks.
6
00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:13,481
I saw the broker literally
putting the sign out.
7
00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:15,683
I double-parked and
damn near tackled him.
8
00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:17,785
(chuckles):
Yeah.
9
00:00:17,885 --> 00:00:19,253
Hey, you okay?
10
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:20,954
Yeah, man, it's...
11
00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:22,890
it's just dawning on me that...
12
00:00:22,990 --> 00:00:24,725
we've lived together
almost our whole lives.
13
00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:26,494
Just feels different,
you know?
14
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:27,828
Tonight, you'll be gone.
15
00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:30,698
And I'll be watching Jeopardy
all alone.
16
00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:32,400
Except you don't
have a TV.
17
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:34,535
You took the TV?! I bought that.
18
00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:36,404
Because you broke mine.
19
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:37,738
Daphne hit it with a sippy cup.
20
00:00:37,838 --> 00:00:38,906
That means
you broke it.
21
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,541
(indistinct arguing)
22
00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:41,842
No. Pop? Pop? Pop?
23
00:00:41,909 --> 00:00:43,811
Tell Marty
that's my TV now.
24
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,146
Why y'all arguing
over it?
25
00:00:45,246 --> 00:00:46,280
It's just stuff.
26
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,415
Man, stop being petty.
27
00:00:47,515 --> 00:00:49,083
Man, see what you did?
28
00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:51,419
Why is my chair in here?
29
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:54,522
Uh, Pop, you gave it to me.
30
00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:56,124
No, as landlord,
31
00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:57,858
I gave it
to the house.
32
00:00:57,958 --> 00:01:00,161
For paying tenants of the house.
33
00:01:00,228 --> 00:01:02,563
Which, as of now,
you are no longer.
34
00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:04,798
Oh!
35
00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:07,401
My baby's leaving.
36
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,270
Who knows
when I'll see you again?
37
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:12,005
Tina, the boy is moving
to Venice Beach.
38
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,607
Which I do not get.
39
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:15,709
'Cause we are not beach people.
40
00:01:16,676 --> 00:01:17,945
Who wants a baby?
41
00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:20,281
Oh, I do, I do!
Me, me, me!
42
00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:22,082
Hi, Daphne.
Hi.
43
00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:24,285
I'll take her off your hands.
Okay.
44
00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:26,454
So you'll
take her to daycare?
45
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:27,655
Uh, yes, and
46
00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:30,057
I'll meet you
at the Westside Fuse Box?
47
00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:31,292
Okay.
48
00:01:32,126 --> 00:01:33,594
Is that my coffee maker?
49
00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:36,130
I wouldn't be surprised.
50
00:01:36,264 --> 00:01:38,499
I saw him packing your bathrobe
and your Waterpik.
51
00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:43,670
Well, it is not my fault
our house is full of her stuff.
52
00:01:44,738 --> 00:01:47,608
Oh, you know,
I've been thinking, uh,
53
00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:51,345
given that my place is gonna
have a lot more room now,
54
00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,347
uh, we could simplify things
55
00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:55,048
by perhaps
collaborating on--
56
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,084
Uh, things are simple enough.
57
00:01:57,884 --> 00:02:00,421
Don't get me wrong,
I'm enjoying our
58
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:02,190
beneficial friendship.
59
00:02:02,290 --> 00:02:03,824
You know? (laughs)
60
00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:06,426
But, uh, do we really want--
61
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:07,695
No! No, no.
62
00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:08,961
We-we don't, I don't.
63
00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:11,432
I don't,
I thought you did.
64
00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:13,066
So, you know, whatever.
65
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,968
Nonstarter, right?
66
00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:16,204
Yeah.
Like...
67
00:02:16,304 --> 00:02:17,938
We brought you
a housewarming gift.
68
00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:20,408
Oh, look at that,
it's beautiful.
69
00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:21,775
And-and it is so large.
70
00:02:21,841 --> 00:02:23,844
I wanted to get you
an air fryer.
71
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:24,912
Nah.
72
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:27,515
This is so much better. Now.
73
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:29,317
It's delicate,
so it needs
74
00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:32,853
bright but indirect
south-easterly sunlight.
75
00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:34,188
Also a daily misting.
76
00:02:34,322 --> 00:02:36,290
And don't be embarrassed
to sing to it.
77
00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:38,591
Calvin, a little R&B?
78
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:42,062
Now when the leaves
turn brown, you-- (gasps)
79
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,433
Load 'em up, move 'em out!
80
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,000
Let's go!
81
00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:49,002
* Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood *
82
00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:50,538
* Welcome to the hood. *
83
00:02:56,477 --> 00:02:58,846
Yeah, isn't
this place amazing, Pop?
84
00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:01,215
It's pre-war.
85
00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:03,951
Did we lose?
86
00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:06,019
Well, check out this view.
87
00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:07,521
Look at that.
88
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,457
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's a nice view.
Yeah.
89
00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:12,860
But these floors are gonna
need to be patched.
90
00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:15,429
That's $2,500.
91
00:03:15,563 --> 00:03:18,098
Well, that's okay, because I got
a great deal on this place.
92
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,768
You know, and-and this,
uh, drop ceiling here?
93
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,470
It's got water damage.
94
00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:24,772
That's $500, if you're lucky.
95
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,907
Okay, okay.
96
00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:29,042
Look, fine, there are
a few issues, right?
97
00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:31,078
But, trust me,
you're gonna love it tonight,
98
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:33,247
when we all get together
on my patio
99
00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:35,383
for my "beachecue."
100
00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:37,618
"Beachecue"?
Yeah.
101
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:38,586
That's not a thing.
102
00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:40,321
Oh, but a "yardecue" is?
103
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:43,491
My yardecue is
a 30-year tradition
104
00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:45,125
that Shaq came to.
105
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,495
That man was lost.
106
00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:49,897
He came.
107
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:51,332
He had a rib.
108
00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:52,700
(scoffs)
109
00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:54,802
Okay, fine, whatever,
but new traditions
110
00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:56,603
have to start sometime,
right?
111
00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:58,238
Come on,
and I love Venice.
112
00:03:58,339 --> 00:04:00,107
Look, man, it's vibrant.
113
00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:01,942
There's art everywhere.
114
00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:04,412
And you can smell
the creativity in the air.
115
00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:06,179
Yeah. (sniffs)
116
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:07,781
I don't know about
the creativity,
117
00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:09,517
but I do smell the weed.
118
00:04:17,089 --> 00:04:18,024
Oh, no.
119
00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:19,360
(knocking on window)
N-No!
120
00:04:19,459 --> 00:04:22,596
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no!
121
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:26,567
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no!
122
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:29,403
Did-did you just buy this house?
Yes, I did.
123
00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:31,872
No! No!
124
00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:33,273
Hey, are-are you all right?
125
00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:34,475
No, I'm not all right!
126
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:35,776
I wanted this house!
127
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,845
I've been waiting
for the owner to die.
128
00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:39,613
What?
Now it finally happens
129
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:41,982
when I'm scuba diving in the
Maldives and some random person
130
00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:44,352
swoops in off the streets
and buys it?
131
00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:47,821
Um, okay, are-are-are you
my neighbor?
132
00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:50,090
Yes. Bruce Hargaden. Why?
133
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:52,860
Why am I asking
if you're my neighbor?
134
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,828
I'm sorry, uh,
am I speaking Chinese?
135
00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:56,897
Whoa, hold on, buddy--
It's a serious question.
136
00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,432
Sometimes
when I get agitated, I...
137
00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:00,934
slip into Mandarin
and I don't even realize it.
138
00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,503
Okay.
139
00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:04,271
I'm coming off rude, aren't I?
140
00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:05,673
Uh, well...
141
00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:07,641
Let me explain myself,
so you don't hate me.
142
00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:09,042
Unfortunately,
143
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,311
I'm gonna need to knock
this place down so I can
144
00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:13,681
build a screening room
and a gym, so... (chuckles)
145
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,649
I'm afraid you're gonna have
to sell it to me.
146
00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:16,884
Oh. (laughs)
147
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:18,386
(laughing)
148
00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:19,553
No, I'm not.
149
00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:21,121
But I want it.
150
00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:22,423
But I own it.
151
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:24,992
Why don't you join a gym,
152
00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:26,727
or, I don't know,
go to the movie theater?
153
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,262
Other people would be there.
154
00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:32,032
And, I would...
where would I pee?
155
00:05:34,534 --> 00:05:36,637
(chuckles)
Oh, wow!
156
00:05:36,704 --> 00:05:37,938
This view?
157
00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:40,207
Malcolm, I love this place.
(stammers)
158
00:05:40,307 --> 00:05:41,909
Don't get attached
because I'm buying it.
159
00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:43,210
Oh, hold up.
Yeah?
160
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,645
Are you
Bruce Hargaden?
161
00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:46,213
Yes.
(laughing)
162
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,215
Oh, I'm sorry.
163
00:05:48,315 --> 00:05:49,983
Oh!
164
00:05:50,082 --> 00:05:52,886
Oh, Malcolm, this guy's
a cybersecurity legend.
165
00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:55,423
He created the graphic
randomizer that powers captchas.
166
00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:58,392
Oh, those things on websites
to prove you're human?
167
00:05:58,526 --> 00:05:59,359
Yep.
168
00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:00,894
(chuckles)
I hate those.
169
00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:05,032
Big surprise,
everybody does.
170
00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:07,067
I'm so sorry
you have to click
171
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,838
on three bicycles so you don't
get infected by Russian spyware.
172
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:12,305
My bad!
173
00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:15,008
Ooh, that's a space!
174
00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:17,344
No, I think
it's too small.
175
00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:18,579
Is it?
176
00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:21,014
Uh...
Yeah.
177
00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:24,552
I just want to see
my baby's new home.
178
00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:25,786
Hurry up, Dave.
179
00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:28,021
(stammers) How can
I do this faster?
180
00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:29,690
Explain it to me,
Tina, please.
181
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:31,959
I would love to know.
(car horn honking)
182
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,096
Well...
183
00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:38,065
I got into
your crawlspace,
184
00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:39,533
and, uh...
185
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:41,334
well, your foundation
is fine.
186
00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:43,771
Finally, that is good news.
187
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,372
(scoffs)
188
00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:51,411
What's the bad news, Pop?
189
00:06:51,479 --> 00:06:54,482
Well, the salt air has corroded
your dryer vents.
190
00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:56,416
That's gonna be 375.
191
00:06:57,183 --> 00:07:00,554
I know you think I don't know
what I've gotten myself into,
192
00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:02,956
but I did my homework,
and I'm good.
193
00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:04,592
Okay.
194
00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:06,460
(shouts)
195
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,263
Please don't, Pop.
196
00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:11,599
$72.
197
00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:17,004
Oh, hey.
198
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:18,606
Want to help keep Venice weird?
199
00:07:18,706 --> 00:07:20,808
Uh, maybe.
Is weird good?
200
00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:22,610
Yeah, weird is great.
201
00:07:22,710 --> 00:07:24,578
My name's Bellamy,
I'm right next door.
202
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:26,379
Oh, Marty.
My brother just moved in.
203
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,281
Oh, cool. Well, it's great here.
204
00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:30,050
I mean, I've lived
in Venice my whole life.
205
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:32,319
Well, I did miss
my ride home from Coachella
206
00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:33,754
one year, so I just stayed.
207
00:07:33,821 --> 00:07:35,656
But, eh.
208
00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:37,658
Anyway, we're just trying
to keep the spirit
209
00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:40,093
of Venice alive and stop
rich jerks from building
210
00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:41,562
monstrosities
like that one.
211
00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:43,831
Oh, I actually think
that house is...
212
00:07:43,931 --> 00:07:46,834
awful!
It's a blight on the beach.
213
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,302
See? You get it.
Yeah.
214
00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:51,004
Uh, this is a weed pen.
215
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:53,273
Oh, my God,
I've been looking for that.
216
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,677
Ooh, space!
What?
217
00:07:57,578 --> 00:08:00,681
"No parking Monday to Friday
8:00 to 6:00,
218
00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:02,816
"except holidays, two hour
parking Tuesday-Thursday
219
00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:04,785
"10:00 to 4:00, permit parking
only after 1:00 p.m.,
220
00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:06,954
tow away zone
weekdays"?
221
00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:08,589
Feels like that sign is a trap.
222
00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:10,390
I'm too scared. I'm gonna drive
around the block again.
223
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:12,826
Bellamy?
224
00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:15,563
Hi, can you and your, uh,
friend come over here?
225
00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:17,230
I'm having a little bit
of an emergency.
226
00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:20,267
Well, Marty, this is Matisse.
227
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,069
Hello, Marty.
Can you please hurry?
228
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:24,504
Your little party guest
is passed out on the couch.
229
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:26,206
And he's naked.
230
00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:27,707
This is an emergency?
231
00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:30,210
The couch is Italian suede,
232
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,479
and he's got
his junk all over it.
233
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:35,549
Look, and I obviously
can't have a naked dude on it
234
00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:37,650
when the rep from Campari
gets here, please.
235
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,653
Okay, look, I-I am
a pretty smart guy,
236
00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:41,054
but I am very confused.
237
00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:44,224
Oh, you don't know
who Matisse is?
238
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,859
You don't have Instagram?
239
00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:47,060
Of course
I have Instagram.
240
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:48,796
You got a lame algorithm.
241
00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:50,898
I have a healthy and
diverse algorithm.
242
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,734
Please, please,
just excuse my friend here.
243
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:57,337
I just really need
that guy out of our house and...
244
00:08:57,437 --> 00:08:59,673
you're so big and strong.
245
00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,775
(chuckles)
246
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:04,077
I do cut an imposing figure.
247
00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:06,780
You know I be...
Oh, wait, no!
248
00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:08,115
He looks way stronger.
249
00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:12,920
I moved a chair
just like that one!
250
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:16,590
Uh, Marty, what the hell
are you doing over there?
251
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,761
Uh, where is the bathroom?
252
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,763
I'm pretty sure
it's not on the porch, man.
253
00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:24,031
Why is he naked?
254
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:25,699
I am.
255
00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:27,267
No wonder I'm chilly.
256
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:28,869
(chuckles)
257
00:09:28,936 --> 00:09:30,638
Yeah, you look chilly.
258
00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,608
Where's my cardigan?
259
00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:36,076
Your cardigan?!
260
00:09:36,143 --> 00:09:38,111
How about you find
some drawers?
261
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,615
Get dressed and kick rocks!
262
00:09:41,749 --> 00:09:43,383
Thanks, neighbor.
263
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:45,552
I do what I can, you know.
264
00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:47,888
(muttering)
265
00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:50,724
Better get used
to the public nudity, fellas.
266
00:09:50,790 --> 00:09:53,126
(chuckles)
It's nearly constant.
267
00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:56,029
Oh, hey, Bruce.
268
00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:57,931
Thanks so much
for calling the cops
269
00:09:57,998 --> 00:09:59,399
on our party last night.
270
00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:01,669
To be clear, I actually
didn't call the police.
271
00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:03,403
(chuckles)
I called the FAA.
272
00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:07,808
Because that one invaded
my airspace with her drone.
273
00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:09,777
Oh, my God, Bruce!
274
00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:11,178
You are not a country.
275
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:13,180
You don't have airspace.
276
00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:16,650
So, have you guys
met your neighbor,
277
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:17,985
"Narc" Zuckerberg?
278
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:21,288
Yep, he wants
to tear my house down.
279
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:23,323
Oh, see, that is why
we need this petition.
280
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:26,626
This is one of the last classic
bungalows left on this beach.
281
00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:27,861
And these tech bros just keep
282
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,830
turning them
into big metal boxes
283
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:32,700
to make up for their tiny--
To make up
for our tiny penises, oh, yeah!
284
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,601
Yeah, how original,
Bellamy.
285
00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:36,870
Not the first time I've heard
I have a tiny penis.
286
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,505
(chuckles)
287
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,009
You might want to work
on your comebacks.
288
00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:46,847
All right,
let's see what we got.
289
00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:48,581
Fire in the hole!
290
00:10:49,717 --> 00:10:52,352
All right, well,
something around here works.
291
00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:53,854
Ha ha!
292
00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:55,823
It's a bit of a fixer-upper,
huh?
293
00:10:55,923 --> 00:10:57,357
Yeah, you can say that again.
294
00:10:57,457 --> 00:11:00,427
It's a bit of a fixer-upper,
huh?
295
00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:03,797
Uh, I-I-I'm Bruce.
296
00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:05,232
Yeah, Calvin.
297
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:07,200
Yeah, my son just bought
this place.
298
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:08,568
Bit of a money pit.
299
00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:11,271
Ooh, yeah. (laughs)
300
00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:12,505
Hey, uh,
301
00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:14,407
just thinking
out loud here, but, um,
302
00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:17,477
what if I told you
you could turn that money pit
303
00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:19,412
into a money pot?
304
00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:23,650
I'm listening.
305
00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:26,419
So, uh...
306
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,555
I'd be happy to take
that house off your hands.
307
00:11:28,655 --> 00:11:31,391
Okay, so, uh,
what are we talking?
308
00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:34,728
Ten percent over what he paid.
309
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:37,297
Okay, so we're
not talking at all.
310
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,332
Had you said 20
and no inspection,
311
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:41,201
I would've been
downright chatty.
312
00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:42,369
Deal!
313
00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:44,004
Okay.
314
00:11:44,071 --> 00:11:46,774
(stammers)
Fist bump, then?
315
00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:55,048
I got great news.
316
00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:56,850
I just sold your house.
317
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:06,093
You did what?
318
00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:08,128
Yeah, there's a guy next door--
319
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:11,031
crazy, cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs--
320
00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:13,133
but loaded.
321
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,335
Uh, yeah, yeah,
Bruce, I met him.
322
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:18,105
I told him I wasn't selling,
Pop, which I am not.
323
00:12:18,205 --> 00:12:19,739
But, Malcolm,
324
00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:22,142
I just solved
all your problems, man.
325
00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:24,011
I don't need you
to solve my problems.
326
00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:26,780
What part of "I'm not selling"
do you not understand?
327
00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:31,551
The "I'm not selling" part.
328
00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:40,027
*
329
00:12:45,032 --> 00:12:47,367
Oh, no. No, no, no.
330
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:48,869
Absolutely not.
331
00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:50,270
Please leave.
332
00:12:52,039 --> 00:12:53,506
Malcolm, ah!
333
00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:55,909
I've never been
to a beachecue.
334
00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:58,311
Congratulations!
I love this new place.
335
00:12:58,378 --> 00:12:59,880
Funky Venice vibes.
336
00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:02,749
Hey, listen, I am actually glad
that you are here. Um...
337
00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:05,718
Starting to realize I might have
a little cash-flow problem.
338
00:13:05,819 --> 00:13:07,821
So about my book?
339
00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:09,656
I know it might be
hard to say, but...
340
00:13:09,722 --> 00:13:11,758
when can I start expecting
royalty checks?
341
00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:13,226
Oh, that's not hard to say.
342
00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:15,028
Okay.
Two, three years.
343
00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:16,964
Years?
344
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:20,433
Oh, damn, no, I need money
sooner than that.
345
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:21,935
Well, have no fear.
346
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:25,238
I have fantastic news
for my favorite client.
347
00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:27,440
Mercedes Selznick,
of the Real Housewives?
348
00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:29,742
She has a great idea
for a YA novel
349
00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:32,179
and needs someone
to ghostwrite it for her.
350
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:33,746
Well, that sounds...
351
00:13:33,881 --> 00:13:35,282
terrible.
352
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:38,718
Yeah,
she's an absolute nightmare.
353
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,287
Even for a Housewife.
354
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:41,855
But...
355
00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:44,925
her kids book is
on the Amazon preschool top ten.
356
00:13:45,025 --> 00:13:47,594
Nanny Bathes You,
Mommy Loves You.
357
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:51,698
Yeah, Lisa, I don't think
I'm cut out for that.
358
00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:53,466
Oh, I see. I didn't realize
359
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:55,668
we were still
in the integrity phase.
360
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,471
(reggae music playing)
361
00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:00,840
Oh, oh, there! Okay, okay, okay!
362
00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:02,842
Okay, all right.
All right, all right.
363
00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:04,744
Thank you, all right,
thank you, okay.
364
00:14:04,811 --> 00:14:05,845
Move, Dave, get--
365
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,280
(groans)
Thank you.
366
00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:08,481
Where were you guys?
I thought you weren't
367
00:14:08,581 --> 00:14:09,950
gonna make it to the beachecue.
368
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:11,651
Well, after spending an hour
looking for a parking spot,
369
00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:13,553
we finally found
a valet that only charges
370
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:15,722
$12 every 15 minutes.
371
00:14:15,822 --> 00:14:16,957
Yeah.
372
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:18,926
But we were still
a mile and a half away,
373
00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:20,827
so this man
gave us a ride.
374
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:23,463
Yeah, uh, Tina,
will you Venmo him $30, please?
375
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:25,465
I don't have
Venmo, Dave.
376
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:29,169
Tina, I've had just about
enough of you today!
377
00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:32,439
Malcolm.
378
00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:34,607
This place?
You scored.
379
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:36,776
Yeah, it's really a beautiful,
beautiful place, Malcolm.
380
00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:39,980
But, uh, boy, parking is...
(chuckles) ...no picnic.
381
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,114
Oh?
382
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,050
I found a spot
right out front.
383
00:14:44,651 --> 00:14:46,119
Of course you did.
384
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,188
Congratulations!
385
00:14:49,822 --> 00:14:51,324
Uh, hey, everybody.
386
00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:53,826
Thank you guys
so much for coming,
387
00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:56,263
but, uh, there's something
I need to tell everybody.
388
00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:57,830
Oh, before you do!
389
00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,366
A toast.
390
00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:01,801
To my firstborn,
my baby Malcolm.
391
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,004
You know, seeing you here
392
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:05,939
in your, your new place,
it's just--
393
00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:08,641
Uh, Ma, Ma, I'm sorry,
please, let me...
394
00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:11,244
I've decided
I'm gonna sell this place.
395
00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:13,880
Well, all right.
396
00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:18,151
I'm just glad the boy's
coming to his senses, bae.
397
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:20,988
Malcolm,
why would you want to sell?
398
00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:23,190
I bit off more than I can chew.
399
00:15:23,290 --> 00:15:26,593
You know, I got my first
big paycheck, and I guess I--
400
00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:29,529
I went crazy.
401
00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:32,299
You know, Pop's been trying
to make me see that, and...
402
00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:33,733
I see it now.
403
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:35,702
Oh, really?
404
00:15:38,405 --> 00:15:40,807
Well, did your father
happen to mention
405
00:15:40,873 --> 00:15:44,211
how he spent his
first big paycheck?
406
00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:45,378
No.
407
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:46,746
What are you talking
about, Tina,
408
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:48,848
my acid-washed Guess jeans?
409
00:15:48,915 --> 00:15:50,517
I didn't know you were
a Guess man, too.
410
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,419
How have we not discussed this?
411
00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:55,488
Tell him
what you bought, Calvin.
412
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,024
(sighs)
413
00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:58,825
I put all my money down
414
00:15:58,925 --> 00:16:01,428
on a convertible
Chrysler LeBaron.
415
00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:03,096
Mm.
416
00:16:03,896 --> 00:16:05,865
And could you afford it?
417
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,600
No.
418
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:10,570
The payments was high as hell.
419
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,105
And my dad was riding me
about it.
420
00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:14,107
Talking about I was being
irresponsible.
421
00:16:14,241 --> 00:16:17,544
Oh, so you kept
your LeBaron,
422
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:20,213
but you're telling me not
to keep my house?
423
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:23,316
Look, son, it's just much
harder than you think.
424
00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:25,852
Those payments
were killing me.
425
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:27,854
I had to get
a second job.
426
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:31,324
As a fry cook at
a Long John Silver.
427
00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:34,427
Cats would follow
me everywhere.
428
00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:41,034
Okay, but-but did the car
make you happy?
429
00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:42,635
Yeah, it did.
430
00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:44,904
But I want
better for you.
431
00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:47,507
I don't want cats
following you around.
432
00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:52,779
I appreciate that, Pop,
but this house is my LeBaron.
433
00:16:52,912 --> 00:16:55,782
(scoffs) This is
a fleet of LeBarons.
434
00:16:57,984 --> 00:16:59,619
Yeah, it is, and you know what?
435
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:01,721
This time
I'm going to do as you do,
436
00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:03,656
and not as you say.
437
00:17:05,392 --> 00:17:07,594
Lisa, I can't believe
I'm gonna say this.
438
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,996
Get me a meeting with
that Real Housewife.
439
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,132
Already did. Tuesday at 11:00.
440
00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:14,733
Whoa, whoa, wait a
minute, come, come...
441
00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:16,736
Uh, so, uh...
442
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:18,238
which Housewife?
443
00:17:18,305 --> 00:17:19,972
Mercedes Selznick.
444
00:17:20,107 --> 00:17:22,775
(gasps) I love her!
She's evil!
445
00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:24,310
What?
446
00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:31,017
Hate to be the one that's doing
all the counting around here,
447
00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:32,919
but that's 1,500 right there.
448
00:17:40,427 --> 00:17:42,729
Aw. Look at our Malcolm.
449
00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:44,964
All grown up.
(laughs)
450
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:48,168
And has been since the
first Obama administration.
451
00:17:48,935 --> 00:17:50,237
All right, all right.
452
00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:52,639
I've got a case of free tequila
453
00:17:52,705 --> 00:17:54,507
in limited-edition
skull bottles.
454
00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:55,708
Ooh!
455
00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:57,744
I think I like
your new neighbors.
456
00:17:57,844 --> 00:17:58,678
(chuckles)
457
00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:00,280
Oh, hey.
Oh!
458
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:03,316
My hero. You really
saved me today.
459
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:04,984
You know, I try.
460
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,854
I'm sorry, uh,
what's this all about?
461
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:11,023
Hi! You are?
462
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,392
I'm Courtney.
463
00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:15,428
I'm the mother
of your hero's child.
464
00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:19,332
I thought
you were single.
465
00:18:19,399 --> 00:18:22,635
(stammers)
I am single, technically.
466
00:18:22,735 --> 00:18:24,604
Uh, uh...
467
00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:26,673
uh, what-what was the term
you used, Courtney?
468
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:30,109
A "beneficial friendship"
is what it is.
469
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:31,911
Well, uh...
470
00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:34,547
here's one
of the benefits.
471
00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:40,887
(exhales)
472
00:18:51,531 --> 00:18:54,167
Damn, bro, I heard
y'all's teeth clink.
473
00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:58,205
Yeah, you did.
My man.
474
00:18:58,271 --> 00:18:59,606
(laughs)
475
00:18:59,706 --> 00:19:00,773
Oh, hey. Hey!
476
00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:01,908
Oh, hey.
477
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,710
No, hey, hey, excuse me.
478
00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:05,245
Bruce, right?
Yeah, yeah?
479
00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:06,879
Oh, my gosh, you know,
I've just got to tell you,
480
00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:09,416
I love doing
the captchas.
481
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,951
Ah, great.
Yeah, just-just fun
little puzzles.
482
00:19:12,084 --> 00:19:13,753
And not to brag, but, uh,
483
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:16,356
I always get them
first try.
484
00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:19,226
Congratulations,
you're not a robot.
485
00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:22,094
(chuckling)
486
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:23,830
So, uh, I got it.
487
00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:25,064
Cashier's check.
488
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:27,133
Oh, for what?
Oh, oh, for your house.
489
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:29,669
I told you
I'm buying your house.
Oh, no, no.
490
00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:31,070
I am staying.
491
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,905
But we had a deal.
492
00:19:32,972 --> 00:19:35,107
No.
I-I almost shook
your dad's hand!
493
00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:36,643
We-we pounded each other!
494
00:19:36,743 --> 00:19:38,278
No, whoa, whoa!
We did.
495
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:39,879
You know we did.
BELLAMY:
Okay, okay, okay.
496
00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:42,349
You know what, look,
I-I'm so sorry.
497
00:19:42,449 --> 00:19:44,284
You guys are all so lovely,
but Bruce is here.
498
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:46,619
And we just,
we don't party with narcs.
499
00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:48,521
Oh, yeah, it's not cool.
500
00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:50,022
Well, well, I don't
501
00:19:50,122 --> 00:19:51,824
party, period.
502
00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:53,560
Oh, burn!
503
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:55,328
That's a sick burn
and you know it is!
(shouting indistinctly)
504
00:19:55,462 --> 00:19:56,963
You can't give it up.
Oh, it's--
505
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:58,998
Okay! Okay!
506
00:19:59,098 --> 00:20:01,701
Hey, hey, hey, hey, come on!
507
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:03,135
Listen, we are neighbors.
508
00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:05,738
And we are going to act
like neighbors.
509
00:20:05,838 --> 00:20:07,540
That's how it is where I'm from.
510
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,142
That is how
it's going to be here.
511
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,011
So everybody please just
512
00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:14,381
grab a burger.
513
00:20:16,516 --> 00:20:18,217
Grab a damn burger, I said!
514
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,692
Wow.
515
00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:27,694
He sounds like his daddy.
516
00:20:27,794 --> 00:20:30,062
Yeah, he sounds
rude as hell.
517
00:20:30,196 --> 00:20:31,931
I've never been prouder.
518
00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:36,736
C-Calvin?
Yeah.
519
00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:40,106
Is it just me, or is that
Bruce guy kind of a lot?
520
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:50,883
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
521
00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:53,753
and TOYOTA.
522
00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:57,424
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
33445
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