All language subtitles for Night Court s03e18 A Decent Proposal.eng

?

- Oh, oh, oh, okay.
I got one for you.

That couple over there,
siblings or dating?

- Oh, no, definitely siblings.

The same weird smile,
same shark eyes,

hand placed
just above the butt

as if tempted,
but know that it's forbidden.

- Ah.

That's the kind of chemistry
you only develop

at the dinner table.

- Uh, excuse me.
We were wondering-

- We're step-siblings.

But now that our parents
are dead,

nothing is forbidden.

- Any chance y'all think
they killed their parents?

- They definitely did nothing
to save them.

- Which one of these outfits
say, "I'm sexy, but not thirsty,

passionate but not desperate,"

and leaves a medium amount
to the imagination?

- Neither.
That one says, "Runway."

Airport runway.

- And the red one screams

"first day in the witness
protection program."

- Shows what you know.

These are
from a high-end boutique

called the Dress Pit.

- Guys, be nice.

This is her first date with Jake
after the breakup.

If she wants to look like the
victim of a '70s slasher film,

she should.

- Eh, as long
as I don't look like

the virgin the killer ignores,
I'll take it.

- So, your first date
after the breakup, huh?

A little bit
of awkward conversation,

followed by an all-out
hump fest.

- For all I know,
Jake wants to take things slow.

So I'm just gonna focus
on what I can control-

returning these
to the Dress Pit.

Luckily, they're open 24 hours.

Because it doesn't have a door.

- I don't think that Jake
wants to take it slow.

That's all I can say.

He's gonna propose.
But that's it.

I helped him pick out the ring.

Would you stop grilling me,
you vultures?

?

- So, where we going tonight?

If I need to wear a sports bra,
you have to tell me.

- I told you it's a surprise.

But I'll give you a clue.

It's one of your
favorite places.

- Oh, well, you should know

I'm not allowed
at that pet store anymore.

They figured out
I'm never gonna buy a bird.

They call me a "cockatease."

- You think I would take you
to a pet store for our big date?

I mean, I wanted to,
but then I saw your

picture
up by the register.

- So, Jake's proposing?
Huh. That was fast.

- Maybe a little fast,
but, I mean,

they dated for quite a while.

- No, the way
you explained it was fast.

You should take your time
with news like that.

But now that I mention it,

it does seem pretty quick
to get engaged.

- He's a male cheerleader.

She feeds squirrels for fun.

They shouldn't overthink it.

- Next up, the People vs...

Sylvia Plath and Batman?

Aw, it's never the real one.

- Those are the names
on the defendants' fake IDs.

It's a tale as old as time.

Just a couple of white kids
trying to get some White Claws.

- Permission to approach.

I'm not representing
these children.

They don't even know
who Gene Hackman is.

- Well, you could try them
as adults.

You know,
a week in jail at their age

would have nipped
a lot of my problems

right in the bud.

- I can't send them
to adult jail.

They'll get picked last
for all the gangs.

- Come on,
it'll be like summer camp.

Of course
they'll try to run away,

but, you know, years from now,

they'll miss it.

- I'll handle this.

Kids, we'll call your parents
and forget this ever happened

if you just give us
your real names.

- Our real names
are on our IDs.

- I'm pretty sure you don't
live in the state of...

"Balaska,"

at "1,000,000 Fart Lane."

- Babe, wait.
She's a judge.

Maybe she can marry us.

- What do you mean, marry you?

- That's why we came
to New York.

- Yeah. We're here to see
the original Olive Garden

and get hitched.

Just like the breadsticks,
our love is bottomless.

- Okay,
I'm not gonna let two kids

with pocket bread get married.

I think we need
a five-minute recess.

- Sick! Dodgeball!

- It's not that kind of recess.

Some of us have asked.

- These kids are
not your problem.

Do not get sucked in.

You have a very big date
tonight.

- Don't worry.
It won't take long.

I got a talking stick,
a feelings chart,

and the two best huggin' arms
in New York City.

See you in my chambers!

- [ German accent ] You should
have chosen adult prison.

- Oh, Carl, it's so sweet
you came just to bring me

your homemade espresso.

Mmm.

I'm tasting hot chocolate

and just a hint
of melted cannoli?

- It's a recipe
from the Old Country.

- Ah!

- I wish someone
would bring me things.

- Last week I gave you my cold,

and you got a day off to finally
finish "The Americans,"

so you're welcome.

- Pickup for Dan.

- Oh, look who it is.

The famous Dan Fielding.

Hey, Julianne, why don't you
introduce me to your friend?

- Your "friend"?
Julianne, I had no idea

you thought of me that way.

How humiliating for you.

- Uh, you'll have to excuse Carl.

He was in the mob,
and they call everyone "friend."

And every piece of leather
furniture, "Hey, nice."

- Jake, buddy,
everything okay there?

- Oh, yeah, yeah,
everything's fine.

[ Chuckles ]

- Is this cold feet,

or is this how white men
moisturize their hands?

- I messed up.

I lost Abby's engagement ring.

- What?!
You lost the ring

when I specifically
told you not to?!

- Uh, when was the last time
you had it?

- Okay, um, I know I had it

when I went
through the metal detector

because a guy
with a forehead tattoo said,

"Is that real?"
I said, "I hope so.

I spent my life savings on it."

We both laughed.
- [ Laughs ] That is good.

- And then he gave me a big hug
and ran away.

[ Gasps ]
I know what happened.

- You left it
at the metal detector.

- No, the guy with the face
tattoo obviously stole it!

- Oh, you're good.
You're good.

I bet you're good at puzzles.

You want to do a puzzle with me?

- How can I propose
with no ring?

? Around the rosie ?

- ? Pocket full of posey ?

- Oh, you are right, Jake.

Singing that song is fun.

- Aww, all my friends sitting
around a table singing.

And I know I'm not dreaming
because I'm fully clothed.

Jake, why are your hands
covered in mashed potatoes?

- Uh, for-
- For charity!

- Yeah.
- Like the Ice Bucket Challenge.

We're putting our hands
in vats to...

- Raise awareness for bats.

It's called... Vats for Bats.

- Oh, I love this.
Who's doing it next?

- Wyatt.

Another bat saved.

- I'm just grabbing
some candy to bribe the kids

I locked in my office.

That sounds bad,
but they're fine.

They could easily crush me.

- I need to find that ring.

- Listen, alright, with my brains

and my brains, we'll find it.

Don't worry.
- No ring,

but there's a watch
in the coleslaw.

- Look, I remember being young
and thinking I knew it all.

But the mistakes you make now
can follow you forever.

Trust me.
You don't want to do this.

- How would you know?
Do you even have a boyfriend?

- For your information, I might.

Ask me tomorrow.

- I think she's jealous of us, babe.

She's alone, and you have
a fianc� with two bikes.

- Two bikes?

My mama said that
wasn't allowed.

- Look, we've already
been told this

by every other old person
in our lives.

- We're not gonna talk you
out of it

because you
are about to live it.

We open on your tiny apartment.

[ Tapping ]
I wonder who that is.

- I'm your landlord!

And if you twos
don't keep it down in here,

I'll raise your rent!

Huh!
You think that's mean?

Wait till you meet your boss.

- That's me, your manager
at the fast food joint.

You're gettin' a raise never.

Don't bother checkin'
the calendar for "never."

It ain't there.

- I'm not going to work
at a drive-thru.

I'm pretty.

- Well, your options
may be limited

once you meet life's
most inconvenient miracle.

- Wah!

That's me, your baby!

I'm loud and expensive.

One day I'm going to major
in communications.

- And don't forget about me.

I'm your mother-in-law.

I said I'd move in
to help with the baby,

but instead, I just made
passive-aggressive comments

about your body.

- My mom is never
passive-aggressive.

She would say that stuff
to your face.

- And I forgive her because
she brought you into my life.

- Ohh.
Abby, I might be crazy,

but I think these kids
can make it work.

- What? No, they can't.
That's the whole point.

- You know what?

I'm a university president
giving out full scholarships

to teens who are in love.
- Guess what I just heard?

That university burnt down.
So you're stuck with me,

your mean boss,
the rest of your life.

- Well, too bad the mean boss
just died of a heart attack

and left you all of her money.

- Flobert!
- Don't worry.

You're going to heaven.

- Okay, so these are the mug
shots of all the criminals

with forehead tattoos
in the five boroughs.

- Nobody smiles in pictures
anymore.

- Uh, Jake, security said three
crates were dropped off for you

from Dominic's Party Rentals?
- Crap, I totally forgot

I ordered decorations
for the proposal.

- Wait, you're-
you're proposing here?

- Oh, so this proposal
was doomed from the jump.

I mean, uh,
you focus on the ring.

Gurgs and I can set up
the decorations.

- So while you're looking through
these forehead tattoos,

ignore the ones with my name.

My fans are crazy,
but not thieves.

- Great news.
I got something.

- You found the ring?

- No, I got meatball subs
for everybody.

The ring, I got bupkis,

but I did come across
a beauty at the pawn shop

from a wide receiver
who's fallen on hard times.

Not for nothing,

but if anybody was ever
going to propose to me,

I would not say no
to a Super Bowl ring.

- Ah.

- Here. Try this meatball sub.
It'll change your life.

- Julianne, what do you think
the pawnshop would give us

for a guy who
flunked out of the mob?

- Oh, please.

You were just whining about
how hungry you were.

And now Carl has brought you
the balls of his homeland.

- Homeland?
The guy was born in Secaucus.

- Play nice.

My ex-cellmate, Big Spider,
is downstairs.

She brought some rings
that fell off some fingers.

Hey, blondie, you ever meet
a cannibal in real life?

- Hey, Julianne, take Carl.

All the gold jewelry

might be a fun challenge
for a cannibal.

- You know, I gotta ask,
you ever take salsa classes?

With hips like yours,
marone, you'd be fantastic.

- Oh, please. Come on.

What, you don't think I know
I got perfect salsa hips?

- Wow. Wow.

Jake really went all out
with his decorations

for the proposal.

- What if it's a marble statue
of Abby?

You know if it's this big,
it's gonna be nude.

- Who's nude?
- Ghosts. Think about it.

You're dead. Why would you get
to take your clothes with you?

- Have you seen Jake?

The kids are taking
a little longer than I thought.

- Well, Jake's not here.

- Oh, okay.
I'll give him a ring.

- He doesn't need one.

- That's definitely not
what he's looking for.

- Okay.

Should I even ask about
the crates?

- I wouldn't.

All right,
let's unbox our big naked boss.

- What the hell is this?
- The package you ordered-

"Colonel Rooster's
Slobstacle Course."

- We didn't order this.

- Who did you think Dillon was?

- Obviously a 6-year-old
having a very romantic birthday

on your dime.

- Okay. This could still work.
There's a karaoke machine.

You could serenade her.

[ "Old McDonald" plays ]

All right.

Hey, girl.

We're gonna quack, quack here.

We're gonna quack, quack there.

We're gonna quack, quack
everywhere.

If you'll be

my farmer's wife.

- [ Laughs ] Now make
"Wheels on the Bus" sexy.

- Oh, interesting.

You're too good
for Big Spider's rings,

but you'll propose
in an off-brand Chuck E. Cheese.

- This is a disaster.

Is the universe trying to tell
me that I shouldn't propose?

I mean, you know, maybe
I am going a little too fast.

- Whoa! Jake. Whoa!
Take a breath.

All right.
I've been where you are.

Now, you know
how Abby makes you feel.

- Yeah.
- The moment you see her,

all of your doubts
are just gonna melt away.

- Yeah. You're right.
I just need to talk to Abby.

Okay.

- Hey, I just got a text
from Carl

saying that you locked him
in the morgue.

- Well, I-

Well, he wasn't supposed to be
able to get service down there.

- Okay. The year is 2049.
You're empty nesters,

and a new friend has moved
into your bedroom.

[ Heavy breathing ]

My name is CPAP machine,

and I can go all night
[Deep inhale] long.

- Hey, Abby,
can I talk to you for a second?

- Jake, can you please tell
these kids that getting married

would be the biggest mistake
of their lives?

- Interesting.

Interesting point
for me to hear right now.

- Look at us.

We've said I love you
to each other,

and we haven't even thought
about getting married.

- We haven't?
- Exactly.

- You're obviously busy, so-
- No, wait.

Didn't you want to talk to me
about something?

- Yeah, I was gonna say
maybe going out tonight

isn't such a good idea.

- What do you mean?
I thought you were excited.

- I was. Now I'm not so sure.
I should go.

- Ooh.
Principal got dumped.

- Get ready.

I got a box of props to convince
you to marry these kids.

- No need, Flobert. I'm sold.
Come on, stand up.

- But I had a whole game show
planned.

- You want to get married?

I'm gonna marry you right here,
right now.

- She's bluffing.

- Can't get married
without a tie.

And here is your veil.

- Why are you doing this?

- Because I'm a judge,

and it's one of the cool things
I get to do.

So, marriage.
Batman, you in?

- I'm down.
- All right.

Sounds like an "I do" to me.
What about you, Sylvia?

You want to make a mistake
you'll live to regret?

- Stop marrying us. We're kids.

- Too late, I already did.

I now pronounce you
Batman and wife.

- Hold on. I don't actually
want to get married.

I just wanted to renegotiate
my curfew.

I'm calling my mommy.

- I did not see that coming.

I thought you two
were rock solid.

- If she thinks
she's getting one of my bikes

in the divorce,
she is dreaming.

- And listen, for the record,

it was his idea to go in there
and check cadavers for rings.

- That was your idea, Big Dog.

My idea was buying
matching tracksuits.

- What is your problem?

You have been obnoxious to him
all night.

Oh, are you jealous?
- Jealous?

What, of a man who thinks an
undershirt is an outside shirt?

What do you care
if I'm nice to your boyfriend?

- I think she cares
because you two are friends.

- All right, Carl, for the last
time, we are not friends.

- Furthest thing from it.

- Yeah. Dan couldn't handle it.

He used to have a thing for me.

- Oh, no, no. If anything,
you couldn't handle it.

You were the one obsessed
with me.

- Oh, hey, buddy, I can handle

being friends with you
if you can.

- I can handle being friends
with you in my sleep.

- Well, then I guess
we're friends.

- I guess we are.
Well, I'm going to hit you up

for so many rides
to the airport.

- Oh, and I meet
so many ladies at the gym,

and get ready because
I'm going to set you up

with all of them.

- I can't wait for the four of us
to vacation together.

- We're going to the Cape.

- Oh, so great
to have a good friend.

- Hello? Julianne? Big Dog?

I think there's
something moving in here!

?

- Aw. They thought
I was going to share these.

Hey, uh, our freezer broke,
so I was just being helpful.

- My mom is here,
so I wanted to say goodbye.

- Uh, look, I know
I was hard on you,

but it's actually

because you remind me
a little bit of myself.

I don't want you to
make bad choices like I did.

Though I never ran away.

I tried,

but the closest I got was three
aisles over in a Blockbuster.

- My name is Shelby,
by the way.

His name actually is Batman.

His parents are not the best.

- It's nice to meet you,
Shelby.

- Oh, no. Are you leaving
so soon, Miss Plath?

I was hoping that you'd sign
my copy of "The Bell Jar."

- What's "The Bell Jar"?

Oh, I found this
by the metal detector.

I guess I don't need it anymore.

- No, no, no, I'll take that
off your hands.

Thank you very much.

You don't have time
to deal with this.

You got a big date
to get ready for.

- Why are you being so weird?

- I'm not being weird.
Just excited for your big night.

- Only big night I have
is with that ice cream.

Jake canceled.
- Jake canceled? That's weird.

I know he was looking
forward to it.

- Yeah, so was I.

I was looking forward to tonight
and all the nights after that.

I mean, I could see
my whole life with Jake.

Mean landlords, bad bosses,

sharing everything
but our bank accounts

because I don't want him to see
how much I spend on markers.

- I may have lost the thread.

- All I'm saying is I don't know
what life is gonna throw at me,

but I know I want to
go through it with Jake.

- Then you have to tell him.

You know, I took the same subway
as Sarah for three months

before I asked her out.

I was a fool to wait.
I could have lost her.

- I can't lose Jake again.

But I don't want to scare him.

I'm all in,
but I don't know.

What if he's not
on the same page?

- He is!
Where's your phone?

[ Cellphone rings ]

- It's Jake.
- Oh.

- Hey. Hi.
I was just going to call you.

- Well, that's weird.
What a coincidence.

- Glad you called.

About earlier, I-

- Abby, I was being stupid.

Are you still up for
doing something tonight?

- Tell him you love him.

- Stop talking.
I'm on the phone.

Is there an echo?

- Oh.

No, no, no. No. Oh, God.
[ Music playing ]

- Where are you?

- I'm just at my boy Dillon's
birthday party.

Uh, but I can be there
in a minute.

- I'll be here.
I'm excited to see you.

- Well, look at that.

Looks to me like
your ice cream is canceled,

and the big night's back on.

- What is with that weird look?

I feel like you're
either gonna hug me or kill me.

- There's no look.

Just that the memories
you make tonight

are going to last a lifetime.

- Jake's gonna propose.
- [ Stammers ]

- [ Gasps ]

And he told you because
he knows nothing about jewelry

and would have done it
with a puka shell necklace.

- No, no, no, no.

I didn't do nothing.
I gotta go.

I gotta give something to-

I don't know, Wyatt.

- Oh, my God,
I'm gonna get married.

Oh, my God,
I'm gonna get married.

Um, uh, pictured this moment
with less melted ice cream.

[ Knock on door ]

What the [bleep]
are you doing here?

- Just came by
to give you this.

- Hey, Abby, I-

Who's this guy?

- I'm her husband.

- So how'd it go?

Who's this guy?

- It's funny.

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