All language subtitles for Calamity Jane s01e04 As Easy As One Two Three.enng

- [Jane] Some city slicker who thinks

he can come into town and rob our bank.

(loud explosion)

- Are you absolutely certain I'm your man?

(robber punching Joe)
(Joe deathly scream)

- Joe don't make it, they won't need no doctor.

(horse whining)

(explosive gunshot)
(Jane harrumphing)

(evil laughter)

- Only he ain't gonna be the one laughing,

when I get through with him.

(loud gunshot)
(upbeat music)

(breaking glass)
(fire sizzling)

(shotgun loading)
(loud gunshot)

(whip cracks)
(loud gunshot)

(whip cracks)

(crickets chirping)
(horse whining)

(suspenseful music)

- 42, 43, 44, 45, 100.

Really not bad for a night's
work, mother would be so proud.

- Fancy threads there, Mr.

Think you'll look as good in jail stripes?

- Jail? Not for me, young lady.

I have things to do,
places to go, people to kill.

(suspenseful music)

(money bags falling)

(whip cracks)

- Ouw! One thing I can't
abide is bad manners.

(loud door slamming)
(Jane falling)

(steps approaching)
(suspenseful music)

(grinding)
(robber walking away)

- Let that be listened to you

and pray I don't ever have to teach you another.

(door opening)
(robber walking away)

(Jane grunting)
(canteen doors opening)

- Janie, are you out here?

(horse cantering)
(steps approaching)

- Ladies.

(Jane whistling)
(horse whining)

(horse cantering)
(horse whining)

(old western dramatic music)
(horses cantering)

(breaking glass)
(horse whining)

- I could have told you those were not your size.

(old western dramatic music)
(horse cantering)

(train whistling)

- Give up! You're only
making this more difficult

than it needs to be, got you now.

- I would not be so sure of that.

(hard punch)
(Jane harrumphing)

(horse cantering)
(train whistling)

- Jenny! Jenny!

Who was that unidentified fellow?

- Some city slicker who thinks he can come

into town and rob our bank.

Something funny (indistinct)

Only he ain't going to be the one laughing,

when I get through with him.

(old western energetic music)

(donkey braying)

- Looks like the city slickers trail ends here.

- He's using the river to cover his tracks.

We better split up.

You be careful now Joe, he ain't just slick.

- Yeah I know, trickier than
a rattler and twice as deadly.

(horse cantering)

City slicker schmicker.

I ain't cheating Diddly probably
draining in the chim right?

Shouz! Gonna be a hot one, Tashy.

I'd sure hate to be out
here all day long looking for...

My man.
(dramatic beats)

(horse cantering)
- At last.

(horse cantering)
(old door opening)

(buzzing fly)
(steps approaching)

(gun loading)
(gunshots fired)

- Well, if it isn't the young lady from the bank,

come for another lesson, have you?

- I've come to take you in.

(evil laughter)

- Hurry on up then!

I have something for you

and it comes fresh out of the barrel.

(gunshot loading)

- Hold it right here in Mr. Engineer

and turn it around real
slow like you move a muscle,

twitch your finger and I'll blast you right off

this mountain.
(suspenseful music)

- Easy old timer.

Are you absolutely certain I'm your man?

- As sure as I'm standing
here Mr. City slicker,

big mistake you made trying to rob Deadwood.

- Deadwood, terribly sorry

but I've never been there in my life.

- I believe you, but as much as I'd believe

a hornswoggle politician looking for votes.

- You don't have to be rude,
I'm only speaking the truth.

- Whoa, really if you telling the truth,

that's a whole another ball of ear match.

Where you hiding your guns?

Maybe you got a little
something in here for me eh?

- Oh, I have a little something for you.

(dramatic music)
(hard punch)

(Joe screaming)

- Delightful, one less geezer in the world.

(old western music)

(gunshots fired)
(empty gun clocking)

- If you can't shoot any better
than that, best giving up.

- Young lady you are beginning
to cause me undue pain,

do you realize that?

- Ah, ha.
(gunshots fired)

- What in the...
(whip cracking)

(barrel falling)

(breaking glass)
(fire sizzling)

(Jane harrumphing)

(suspenseful music)
(barn door closing)

- And that dear lady concludes lesson number two.

(fire sizzling)

(dramatic music)
(leaves shuffling)

(horse neighing)

- Tashy, I feel like I fell off a mountain.

That's right, I did.

I reckon these bushes saved me.

(dramatic music)
Oh, oh! Jane.

Come on Tashy, let's hope we're not too late.

(horse cantering)
(dramatic music)

(horse whining)
(Jane coughing)

(fire aggressively burning)
(horse whining)

(Jane coughing)
(Jane banging on door)

(horse neighing)
(Jane coughing)

- Holy Roman Empire.

Jane, oh no! No it can't be! Jenny!

(dramatic music)

(horse neighing)

Jenny, but I thought...

Great day in the morning, you�re still alive!

But, dammit, anything happens to you

and I reckon I'd go plum real quick.

- Something very nearly did happen.

Addressing city slicker
almost got the best of me,

- That's the rascal that throw me off the cliff.

Gee, how could he be in both places at once?

- Uh! Come on Joe, let's ride.

- Well look at this,

that city slicker picked himself up some company.

- Yeah, it looks like they is keeping house up

yonder in that shack.

- Let's say we pay him a little visit.

(footsteps approaching)

(suspenseful music)

- Freeze boys, hands in the air.

- Really they don't beat all,
these identifiable twins.

(Joe's laughing)

- I figured that had to be their angle.

- Of all the rude entrances.

If you two have any shame,

you'd go outside again and knock first.

- We'll be right here waiting
for you, don't you worry?

- You're the ones that should be worried.

(country music)

Lock them up Joe.

I'll find the deputy and
tell him he's got customers.

- Make your self at home boys.

Welcome to Deadwood's finest.

(jail door closing)

- Deadwood's fine Mess.

- Don't fret, it's unbecoming.

Besides, we still have the
proverbial ace up our sleeve.

- Hush brother.

- PNM, what are you to gabbing about?

- Well, nothing in particular.

By the way we haven't met formally, I'm Harold.

This is my brother Hugo.

- How do you do?

- I reckon I'm doing alright.

You boys comfy?

- Oh, quite so, fine accommodations
you've provided us here.

- Four star compared to some
of the places we've stayed.

- Pity we won't be staying long.

- Oh no, which way do you think you'd go on?

- Well, anywhere we want
old man, anytime we want.

- You make it sound like you just going

to walk out of here.

- Precisely.

- And what's more, you are going

to be in here instead of us.

(Joe's laughing)

- You boys, are something else,

the England pair of comedians.

Ain't never heard anything so amusing.

- Wait till you hear the punchline.

- Uh? It can't be!
(hard strike)

- Lights out old man.

- We got them all locked up for you deputy.

- Good work, Ms. Calamity.

I reckon they can go before the judge tomorrow.

- Good, the sooner we
get them into federal custody,

the better, those boys are mighty dangerous.

(suspenseful music)

- What the...
- Joe! Joe!

- At least he's breathing.

- Am I alive?

- Easy now, you got a bump the size of

the rockies on the back of your head.

- Where them City Slickers go?

- Now, don't you fret.

(window breaking)

- Well I gotta tell you, there is really...

- Dynamite.
(big explosion)

- 'Scuz out.
(villain's laughing)

(Jane harrumphing)

- Joe, Joe, Joe, somebody, get a doctor now!

- Well the good news is the deputy is fine.

I'm afraid. Joe's situation
is a bit more serious.

- Tell me straight doc.

He 'll be all right, won't he?

- The next 12 Hours will tell.

- Wait, where are you going?

I haven't treated you yet.

- No time, them City Slickers
already got a big jump on me.

Joe don't make it, they won't need no doctor.

(Jane walking)

(horse cantering)

(upbeat old western music)

(fire sizzling)

- Echo Canyon, nothing
but an oversized rock pile.

A few banks would help.

- If only dear brother, if only.

(gunshot fired)

- If only you put your hands up,

I won't have to litter these parts with

the likes of you city scum.

- Well fancy meeting you
again, I hardly expected this.

- You are one lucky lady.

Is a too much to hope

that your companion wasn't so fortunate.

- If you mean Joe, he's alive.

'Course that could change.

And if it does, you two
just might be joining him.

(gun loading)

- I think that rather unlikely,

kindly drop your weapon
and turnaround, surprised?

All good things come in threes, even we.

- Impeccable timing Conrad,
but why didn't you shoot her?

- No, she's mine.

- Tuck tuck boys, no imagination?

Shooting so drab, with
a whole canyon to ourselves,

what say we have a little game of polo?

The lady here can substitute for the ball.

- Capital idea Conrad.

- I say killer now and be done with it.

That's what mother would have done.

- Must you bring mother into it.

She's dead and buried, rest her soul.

Can't you just leave her that way?

- I did leave her that way.

- Hugo be a sport, we let you have first shot.

- Done.
- To your mounts, gentlemen.

(horse whining)
(screaming eagle)

- You on your horses, me on foot.

You don't think I have too
much of an advantage, do you?

- You are right, one never can tell with you.

Kindly remove your boots.

- As they say, the family that

slays together stays together.

Everybody ready, willing, and able.

- [Hugo] Remember I get first crack

and you, I do hope you'll
get into the spirit of thing.

Calehoo!

(horses cantering)
(Jane running)

- Oh! This is so much fun.

Even better than hide-and-go-beat.

(dramatic music)

- Don't let her get away.

- Never brother Conrad, never.

(old western upbeat music)

(horses cantering)

(Jane whistling)
(horse cantering)

(horse neighing)

- Now it's my turn to play.

- Where can she possibly be?

- This way?

- Hugo! Hugo!

- Echo Canyon indeed.

- Hugo can take care of himself.

Come on, she must've taken this road.

(horse cantering)
(hard strike)

(Hugo screaming)
(horse neighing)

- Hugo can take of himself hey!

- This lady is more resourceful
than I anticipated.

But we are still at number, her 2 to 1.

- You have a plan?

- You go on, I'll double
back to the head of the past.

Will have her trapped like a rat,

simple matter of extermination.

(old western upbeat music)

(rocks falling)

(gunshots fired)

- Got her, I've got her!

- You got, nothing!

Except a headache.

(old western upbeat music)

(evil laughter)
- Victory!

- [Jane] Conrad!

- So it's you, still, show your self!

- [Jane] It's over Conrad.

- Never.
(gunshots fired)

- [Jane] Conrad!
(gunshots fired)

(gunshot loading)
(gunshots fired)

- [Jane] Conrad!

(gunshot clacking)
- Conrad?

(hard kick)
- No, no, please.

I promise I'll be good.

- What would your mother say?

(hard punch)

(old western cheerful music)

- Mighty fast you got there strangers.

- Joe! You are alive,

- Bet I am, Doc says I got a head like a rock.

- Like I could have told them that, oh Joe.

- Wow, easy now, easy
there, will you snap me in two.

And quit with them puppy dog eyes,

you know I ain't the sentimental type, alright.

- Joe Presto, oh what would I do with out you?

- Teach me, I can hardly do without myself.

- How nauseating.

- What would mother say?

- Oh, do shut up.

(old western cheerful music)

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