Original subtitles

- You've been attacked.

- Yes, my sister, by blue coats.

(wolves howling)

- The army didn't attack any Comanche camp.

(intense music)

- [Chaynah] Blood will have blood.

- We gotta stop us a war.

(dramatic music)

(gun shots) (whip cracking)

(thunder crashes)

(men yelling)

- I didn't do anything, I didn't.

- You did plenty, you and your thieving kind.

And now we're gonna get a little justice.

- Have mercy.

- Mercy?

When I was elected mayor of this town,

I swore to uphold what's right.

Mercy or no, and this is right.

What in tarnation?

(dramatic tone)

(gun cocks)

- It wasn't the Comanche.

- Horse pucky, we saw them come into town

and shoot, rob, and steal.

Saw it with my own eyes, in their feathers and buckskins.

Why, they beat the sheriff within an inch of his life

and that's a fact.

(whip cracks)

- Everybody knows Comanche don't beat their victims.

Only white men do that, that's a fact.

Beside, this here's a Kickapoo, not even the same tribe.

- Well, we have to go after them.

Justice needs to be done.

- Go home, I'll find who shoot up your town

and bring them back.

That's my job.

- And who in the high water are you?

- I'm Calamity Jane.

(thunder crashing)

- I can't help up if I was asleep

while you went gallivanting around

sticking your nose in everyone else's doo-dah. (spits)

You didn't wake me, Janey, weren't my fault.

- I'm not blaming you, Joe.

Didn't require you help anyways.

Just some scared folk making a lot of noise.

Besides, you needed your beauty rest.

- [Joe] Beauty rest?

Beauty rest?

Now don't you go making fun of me, little missy.

Show some respect for your elders

or I'll tan your britches.

- You and what calvary?

- I would've been here if you'd asked me.

You know that.

- I know, Joe, I know.

And I'll need you when I talk to Chaynah.

(donkey brays)

(wolf howls)

- [Wolf] You called, oh friend of the people.

What is it that you wish?

- To know why.

Why have the blue coats done this to my people?

- [Wolf] We see many things, oh Chief.

Blue coats, the killers.

White eyes, everywhere, but they did not do this.

- Didn't do this?

I must think about who did and plan.

This isn't right, where did you hear this, my brothers?

- [Wolf] A little bird, spirit walker.

A little bird.

(dramatic drum music)

- Chaynah, what happened here?

- You're the bird of hard news, little fire rock.

You bring word from afar.

- [Calamity Jane] You've been attacked.

- Yes, my sister, by blue coats.

- Calvary, but...

Chaynah, towns are getting shot up and robbed

and people are blaming the Comanche.

Did you do it?

- The people of the plains do not steal.

We haven't fallen so low.

- I told them town folk that.

- You take my word?

- You're my blood brother, of course I do.

Besides, I'd whoop your hide if I caught you lying.

- She's white eyes, she must die.

- You're getting slow in your old age, Chaynah.

- Don't even think of twitching.

My trigger finger's liable to forget its manners.

- I won't die alone.

- Only full of rock salt, boys.

- Enough.

These aren't the enemy.

- You saw what the blue coats did.

We have done nothing, nothing.

I say we call the tribes.

- But that means war.

Chaynah, please, let me talk with the army.

Let me see what is truth and what isn't.

Give me some time, just a little.

- I will give you some, but not much.

Blood will have blood.

The tribes gather at dawn, after that-

- I ride for Fort Lucan and will see you before the dawn.

Come on, Joe.

- Go here, go there,

she must think I'm a dag blame carrier pigeon.

- [Calamity Jane] What in the Sam hill

is going on, Captain John O'Rourke?

Sending soldiers into the Comanche camp,

what were you thinking?

- Don't think nothing of it, sonny.

It's just the way them two say howdy.

- Hold on, Calamity, just hold on one dang minute.

I didn't send no soldiers nowhere.

Honest.

- Didn't send?

But Chaynah say them, blue coats.

- Almost anyone can wear a coat, Jane.

In fact, we had a supply wagon go missing

just last week.

Look, the army didn't attack any Comanche,

at least not yet.

- Not yet, what's that supposed to mean?

- All them towns getting raided

and I already got my hands full.

A shipment of reservation gold is coming through by train,

you think they'd be grateful the army's trying to help,

but no, not them Injuns.

- Don't call them that, it's not right.

They got real names of their own.

- Yeah, sorry.

But feels like Comanche, like in the old days.

And we've been ordered to go in and see what's what.

- [Calamity Jane] That's crazy.

Chaynah's people didn't do anything, he told me so.

- Orders is orders, Calamity.

- But don't you see something's not right?

Town shot up, supposedly by Comanche,

Comanche attacked supposedly by your army fellows.

Both sides say they didn't do it.

What is going on?

You're just gonna have to give me the time to find out.

- Tomorrow, the colonel says I leave all my other duties

and ride tomorrow.

That's all I can do, Calamity.

I can give you that but no more.

- Isn't much, but I'll take it.

Thanks.

- Sure, anytime, anytime at all.

- Come on, Joe.

Gotta see someone who might just have a few answers.

If he's willing to spare them.

(corral music)

- [Wild Bill] Read them and weep, gentlemen.

Lady luck is smiling gallantly on me tonight.

Ready for another hand?

- Don't do it, don't.

- [Man] You're a lying cheater, mister,

and that money is mine.

- Son, let me give you a word of advice, man to man.

Nothing wrong with losing money.

You can always get it from the table

and come back with more at a later date.

But losing your life, that's put a real permanent end

to the game, if you get my drift.

At least, that's what my Papa Hickok always used to say.

- You're Wild Bill Hickok?

- Best call it a night.

- Please, Mr. Hickok, I didn't mean nothing.

I was wrong, please don't kill me, please.

- Now, don't you fret, no harm done.

- [Calamity Jane] Wild Bill Hickok, you're the lowest,

side-windingest, crooked shooting dirty varmint

to crawl out of a hole and look up at the light.

- [Wild Bill] Who you calling dirty?

I do declare, Janey, you are a sight for sore oculi.

- Same to you, Bill.

Whatever you said.

- [Joe] Sarsaparillas.

- Them two know each other?

- Like a wolf knows a mountain lion.

- [Calamity Jane] Still taking candy from babies, Bill?

- Still bringing justice to the unsung and unappreciated?

So care for a hand?

- Nope, care for some John.

Need to know about what's going on around these parts.

Funny things like army and Comanche

doing things they claim they didn't do.

- Like shooting up towns and shooting up camps?

Haven't heard a thing.

- But you-

- Of course I might cogitate something for a price.

- No, I won't quit what I do.

- But law manning ain't proper for a lady.

- Sometimes you act just like you was my big brother, Bill,

and you ain't.

Now we've been over this all before.

If you don't wanna help me, just say so.

- Fine, I don't wanna help you,

but I will cut you for it.

- Beat that, Bill.

- Two of clubs.

- Tell me.

- Bill Doolin and his gang

seem to be pretty active near South Fort.

Bragging about the trouble they've been getting into.

- Doolin?

Love to stay and chat, Bill,

but I have some law womaning to do.

Come on, Joe, we ride.

(dramatic music)

I don't like this, Joe, don't like it one bit.

(horses neighing)

(donkey braying)

Joe!

(horse neighing)

- Wakey, wakey.

So the late great Calamity Jane is coming around.

- From here, it looks like I'm still sleeping.

And I'm having a real ugly nightmare.

- Why, you little wild cat.

- So it was you all along.

- What?

You think it was a Comanche or the stupid army?

No, it was me and my boys dressing up,

playing one side against the other.

And soon, while them idiots is fighting it out

we gonna go in and rob us a little train.

A gold train. (laughs)

- The reservation gold train.

But you can't.

- And just who's gonna stop me?

I spit down that shaft, didn't hear it hit no bottom.

You let me know, huh? (laughs)

- Will you do something, Janey?

All this blood's rushing to my head

and it's making my eyeballs hurt something fierce.

- I'm trying, Joe.

(intense music)

- There goes the shooting match.

- Not yet.

Joe, try to get to Captain O'Rourke or Chaynah,

we gotta stop the slaughter.

I'm going after the train.

- But Janey, you're outnumbered a bunch to one.

- Don't you worry, I'll go easy on them anyways.

Now get!

We gotta stop us a war.

(Natives calling) (intense music)

- We ride!

(army yelling)

- Let us ride!

(windmill creaking)

(dynamite explodes)

(train whistle blows)

- What?

(gun shots)

We're supposed to be standing still.

We're not supposed to be moving.

- Looks like you're plum out of luck.

You're next, Doolin.

Now why don't you give up before you get hurt?

- You're worse than sitting on cactus.

- Glad to make you happy.

(dramatic music)

(Doolin exclaims)

- There she goes, there she goes!

How am I supposed to kill her now,

she's going too fast.

- And heading towards Rattlesnake Ravine.

- Of which she needs a bridge to get across.

- Yeah, but there's one right smack dab over it.

- Not when we get done with it.

(train whistle blowing) (dramatic music)

- Here she comes.

- Come on!

(train whistle blows)

(dynamite explodes)

Come on!

Yee-haw, woo-hoo!

- Come on, come on, we gotta find the army

and them Indians.

Or somebody and call this whole dang blame thing off.

Uh oh.

(Natives calling)

(army yelling)

(train whistle blows)

(train chugging)

(horses neighing)

- Stop fighting, you idiots, and come and get the gold!

(intense music)

- [Captain O'Rourke] Jump, Jane, jump!

- Not without that last crate.

- Oh no!

(whip cracks)

(train crashes)

Sometimes you worry me, Calamity.

- [Calamity Jane] Sometimes I worry myself.

(gentle music)

- So it was the Doolins all along, imagine that.

I never thought Bill was that thoughtful.

- I just wish they hadn't gotten away.

- They'll return one day or the next.

It's their way.

- And I'll be waiting, that's my way.

And where will you be, Captain John?

- Doing my duty.

- You mean, jumping to conclusions

and blaming the Comanche for something they didn't do?

- I do feel sort of sickly about that.

But they is Comanche.

- John. - Sorry.

- And you, Chaynah?

- We'll be as we are, weary of the white eyes,

but at peace.

- Shake on that?

It's a big land we live in, room enough for all of us.

- [Joe] Say, are we gonna have supper soon?

Somebody could starve around here.

Come here, go there, I need food.

I can't just walk around, I got saddle sores.

(gentle music)

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