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ADULT SHELDON: A few times a
year, there was a dedicated day
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00:00:02,591 --> 00:00:04,549
where my school was closed.
3
00:00:04,593 --> 00:00:06,682
This allowed
the teachers to catch up
4
00:00:06,725 --> 00:00:08,422
on their administrative duties.
5
00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:11,251
While I was normally against
a break from learning,
6
00:00:11,295 --> 00:00:14,254
I did applaud the Medford
faculty's commitment
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- to our education.
- Oh, man.
8
00:00:16,387 --> 00:00:19,477
How great is this place without kids in it?
[LAUGHS]: I heard that.
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00:00:19,521 --> 00:00:22,001
ADULT SHELDON: On one of those
days, I got to spend time
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00:00:22,045 --> 00:00:23,481
with my mom at her job.
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00:00:23,525 --> 00:00:24,613
SHELDON: Did you write that?
12
00:00:24,656 --> 00:00:26,789
You betcha. Instead of puns,
13
00:00:26,832 --> 00:00:29,618
have you considered composing
a humorous palindrome?
14
00:00:29,661 --> 00:00:32,751
It's a phrase that reads
the same backwards as forwards.
15
00:00:32,795 --> 00:00:35,493
For example, "Do geese see God?"
16
00:00:37,060 --> 00:00:38,757
Trust me. Both ways.
17
00:00:38,801 --> 00:00:41,064
Come inside.
18
00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:44,502
SHELDON: Some other good ones
are radar, level, kayak.
19
00:00:44,546 --> 00:00:46,504
That's a funny word. Kayak.
20
00:00:46,548 --> 00:00:48,201
Never get me in one.
21
00:00:48,245 --> 00:00:50,552
So what's the plan?
22
00:00:50,595 --> 00:00:52,075
How will I be entertained
all day?
23
00:00:52,118 --> 00:00:54,338
I thought you could be
my little helper.
24
00:00:54,381 --> 00:00:57,384
I prefer executive assistant.
Carries more weight.
25
00:00:57,428 --> 00:01:00,692
Fine. You stay here, I'm gonna
go talk to Pastor Jeff.
26
00:01:00,736 --> 00:01:01,954
Mom.
27
00:01:01,998 --> 00:01:03,129
What?
28
00:01:03,173 --> 00:01:06,002
"Mom" is also a palindrome.
M-O-M.
29
00:01:10,354 --> 00:01:11,747
Good morning, Peg.
30
00:01:11,790 --> 00:01:14,793
Any morning you wake up is
a good morning. [COUGHS]
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00:01:14,837 --> 00:01:16,665
Okay.
32
00:01:16,708 --> 00:01:18,362
[WHEEZING]
33
00:01:18,405 --> 00:01:20,103
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Come in.
34
00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:22,714
Good morn...
oh, it's dark in here.
35
00:01:22,758 --> 00:01:24,281
Uh-huh.
36
00:01:24,324 --> 00:01:26,326
Everything okay?
37
00:01:26,370 --> 00:01:28,372
Mm-hmm.
38
00:01:28,415 --> 00:01:31,201
I need you to use your words.
39
00:01:33,072 --> 00:01:35,205
My marriage is over.
40
00:01:35,248 --> 00:01:36,641
Mm-hmm...
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00:01:36,685 --> 00:01:38,991
♪ Vaya con Dios ♪
42
00:01:39,035 --> 00:01:42,647
♪ My darling... ♪
43
00:01:42,691 --> 00:01:45,607
♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪
44
00:01:45,650 --> 00:01:48,435
♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪
45
00:01:48,479 --> 00:01:51,047
♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪
46
00:01:51,090 --> 00:01:53,397
♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
47
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♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪
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Synced & corrected by MaxPayne
== https://subscene.com ==
49
00:01:59,925 --> 00:02:02,145
We don't even sleep
in the same bed anymore.
50
00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:05,496
In the '50s,
people had separate beds.
51
00:02:05,539 --> 00:02:08,586
Lucy and Ricky did it.
Their marriage worked.
52
00:02:10,022 --> 00:02:12,982
I-I'm sure
it's just a rough patch.
53
00:02:13,025 --> 00:02:15,332
Boy, I hope so.
54
00:02:15,375 --> 00:02:17,856
Well, if there's any way
I can make your life easier,
55
00:02:17,900 --> 00:02:19,423
you let me know.
56
00:02:19,466 --> 00:02:22,295
Thank you, Mary.
I really appreciate it.
57
00:02:23,819 --> 00:02:27,910
Oh, I almost forgot, um,
Sheldon's here with me today.
58
00:02:27,953 --> 00:02:29,912
Great.
59
00:02:45,057 --> 00:02:47,320
Hey, little man. How you doing?
60
00:02:47,364 --> 00:02:49,366
You smell like cigarettes.
61
00:02:49,409 --> 00:02:51,324
You're fun.
62
00:02:51,368 --> 00:02:52,935
Do you know what this binder is?
63
00:02:52,978 --> 00:02:56,982
It's a record of donations
people make to the church.
64
00:02:57,026 --> 00:02:58,854
This data could
easily be transferred
65
00:02:58,897 --> 00:03:00,464
into a computerized spreadsheet.
66
00:03:00,507 --> 00:03:01,639
Why isn't it?
67
00:03:01,683 --> 00:03:02,858
No idea.
68
00:03:02,901 --> 00:03:06,078
You also smell like
mothballs and Ben-Gay.
69
00:03:07,689 --> 00:03:09,516
Bye.
70
00:03:12,215 --> 00:03:15,653
I hope you don't mind, I invited
Pastor Jeff for dinner.
71
00:03:15,697 --> 00:03:16,741
That's fine.
72
00:03:16,785 --> 00:03:18,177
I was talking to your father.
73
00:03:18,221 --> 00:03:19,483
What's the occasion?
74
00:03:19,526 --> 00:03:22,529
No occasion,
just thought it'd be nice.
75
00:03:22,573 --> 00:03:23,922
His wife coming, too?
76
00:03:23,966 --> 00:03:25,968
No. Just him.
77
00:03:26,011 --> 00:03:27,143
They having problems?
78
00:03:27,186 --> 00:03:29,188
He's just coming to dinner.
That's all.
79
00:03:29,232 --> 00:03:30,842
You two having problems?
80
00:03:30,886 --> 00:03:31,930
Are we?
81
00:03:31,974 --> 00:03:32,931
No.
82
00:03:32,975 --> 00:03:34,150
Pastor Jeff's wife
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00:03:34,193 --> 00:03:35,760
is so much prettier than him.
84
00:03:35,804 --> 00:03:37,893
It's like Barbie
married a turtle.
85
00:03:37,936 --> 00:03:40,417
Hey. Here's a fun idea:
86
00:03:40,460 --> 00:03:42,158
how about you and Sheldon
have dinner
87
00:03:42,201 --> 00:03:44,377
- at Meemaw's tonight?
- All right.
88
00:03:44,421 --> 00:03:46,728
[QUIETLY]: They area
weird-looking couple.
89
00:03:46,771 --> 00:03:48,294
You want to eat at my mom's, too?
90
00:03:48,338 --> 00:03:50,296
Oh, come on. You got eyes.
91
00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:56,999
Pastor, would you like
to lead us in grace?
92
00:03:57,042 --> 00:03:59,697
I'd be honored.
93
00:03:59,741 --> 00:04:02,961
Heavenly Father,
thank you for this food.
94
00:04:03,005 --> 00:04:05,747
I pray that it nourishes
and strengthens us,
95
00:04:05,790 --> 00:04:08,227
and bless Mary for preparing it.
96
00:04:08,271 --> 00:04:10,360
[CRYING]: And thank
you for the Coopers
97
00:04:10,403 --> 00:04:14,799
who have invited me
into their loving home.
98
00:04:14,843 --> 00:04:17,802
They are a shining example
99
00:04:17,846 --> 00:04:21,327
of what a marriage can be.
100
00:04:21,371 --> 00:04:25,810
One that I hope
to have again someday.
101
00:04:25,854 --> 00:04:28,465
Amen. And please give
me the strength...
102
00:04:28,508 --> 00:04:29,553
[WHISPERS]: Sorry.
103
00:04:29,596 --> 00:04:31,816
The strength to walk this road
104
00:04:31,860 --> 00:04:36,690
with unconditional love
and joy in my heart.
105
00:04:36,734 --> 00:04:37,822
Amen.
106
00:04:37,866 --> 00:04:38,954
Amen.
Amen.
107
00:04:38,997 --> 00:04:40,782
[SNIFFLES]
108
00:04:41,870 --> 00:04:43,959
Well, let's eat!
109
00:04:45,264 --> 00:04:48,224
Cheers.
Cheers.
110
00:04:48,267 --> 00:04:50,095
Cheers.
Cheers.
111
00:04:50,139 --> 00:04:53,011
Dang, this place is nice.
112
00:04:53,055 --> 00:04:55,840
That's because it was
supposed to be a date.
113
00:04:55,884 --> 00:04:57,711
Cool. My first date.
114
00:04:57,755 --> 00:04:59,539
Meemaw, I've been going through
the church records,
115
00:04:59,583 --> 00:05:02,455
and I noticed you haven't made
a donation in quite a long time.
116
00:05:02,499 --> 00:05:04,675
Why are you going
through the records?
117
00:05:04,718 --> 00:05:06,677
I'm an executive assistant.
118
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:08,374
- Good for you.
- MEEMAW: You see,
119
00:05:08,418 --> 00:05:11,116
God and I have a deal. And
when he helps me win big
120
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,249
at the casino, I give him a cut.
121
00:05:13,292 --> 00:05:15,164
And lately, he has
not been holding up
122
00:05:15,207 --> 00:05:16,556
his part of the bargain.
123
00:05:16,992 --> 00:05:19,995
"Steak aw poyverwith fritties"?
124
00:05:20,038 --> 00:05:21,735
It's French.
Oh.
125
00:05:21,779 --> 00:05:23,781
What's a crock monster?
126
00:05:23,825 --> 00:05:25,478
It's croque monsieur,
127
00:05:25,522 --> 00:05:29,352
and it's really just a grilled
cheese sandwich with ham.
128
00:05:29,395 --> 00:05:31,093
I want that.
129
00:05:31,136 --> 00:05:34,183
[CHOKES] There's
lemon in this water.
130
00:05:43,148 --> 00:05:45,455
So, uh, who do you
think the Oilers
131
00:05:45,498 --> 00:05:47,065
are gonna take in the draft?
132
00:05:47,109 --> 00:05:49,502
Oh, I don't
really follow sports.
133
00:05:50,503 --> 00:05:52,070
I'm just gonna eat.
134
00:05:52,114 --> 00:05:53,463
[DOOR OPENS]
135
00:05:55,987 --> 00:05:58,337
What's he doing here?
Y'all getting a divorce?
136
00:05:58,381 --> 00:06:01,297
No. No, he's just
here for dinner.
137
00:06:01,340 --> 00:06:04,648
Oh. Welcome, Your Holiness.
138
00:06:04,691 --> 00:06:08,130
I thought you were hanging
out with Veronica tonight.
139
00:06:08,173 --> 00:06:10,654
We were supposed to,
but then she invited a bunch
140
00:06:10,697 --> 00:06:12,308
of her choir friends over,
141
00:06:12,351 --> 00:06:14,484
and it turned
into a stupid Bible study.
142
00:06:14,527 --> 00:06:16,660
No offense. None taken.
143
00:06:16,703 --> 00:06:17,966
- Hmm.
- GEORGE JR.: Honestly,
144
00:06:18,009 --> 00:06:19,968
I do not understand
the female mind.
145
00:06:20,011 --> 00:06:21,665
[QUIETLY]: Do something.
146
00:06:21,708 --> 00:06:24,320
Georgie, why don't you go eat
dinner in front of the TV?
147
00:06:24,363 --> 00:06:27,149
No, it's all right. Sounds like
Georgie's having trouble
148
00:06:27,192 --> 00:06:29,064
navigating the perilous waters
149
00:06:29,107 --> 00:06:30,674
of a relationship.
150
00:06:30,717 --> 00:06:32,850
Believe me, I can understand.
151
00:06:32,894 --> 00:06:35,374
You having problems
with your hot wife?
152
00:06:37,986 --> 00:06:40,205
Maybe I'llgo eat by the TV.
153
00:06:44,166 --> 00:06:46,603
I'm liking my crock monster.
154
00:06:46,646 --> 00:06:48,126
Mmm. Me, too.
155
00:06:48,170 --> 00:06:50,346
I can't taste anything
after the lemon water.
156
00:06:50,389 --> 00:06:52,348
I'm glad y'all
are having a good time.
157
00:06:52,391 --> 00:06:53,523
You're welcome.
158
00:06:53,566 --> 00:06:55,133
Where we having dinner tomorrow?
159
00:06:55,177 --> 00:06:56,830
Nowhere.
160
00:06:56,874 --> 00:07:00,008
Dr. Sturgis and I are going to
Louisiana, do a little gambling.
161
00:07:00,051 --> 00:07:02,314
So a donation could
be forthcoming?
162
00:07:02,358 --> 00:07:03,707
Don't jinx me.
163
00:07:03,750 --> 00:07:07,015
It's my first time
going to a casino.
164
00:07:07,058 --> 00:07:10,192
It's amazing. There's bright
lights and bells and buzzers
165
00:07:10,235 --> 00:07:11,497
and people yelling.
166
00:07:11,541 --> 00:07:13,238
BOTH: Ugh.
167
00:07:15,588 --> 00:07:18,069
Veronica says
I'm the nicest guy she knows.
168
00:07:18,113 --> 00:07:20,202
She also says she only wants
to date nice guys.
169
00:07:20,245 --> 00:07:22,682
Does that mean she wants to date me?
I bet she doesn't.
170
00:07:22,726 --> 00:07:25,120
No, she does not.
Doesn't make any sense.
171
00:07:25,163 --> 00:07:27,035
Nothing they do makes any sense.
172
00:07:27,078 --> 00:07:29,951
GEORGE JR.: I know...
At least he's not crying anymore.
173
00:07:29,994 --> 00:07:32,213
JEFF: Devil's got
something to do with it.
174
00:07:37,774 --> 00:07:40,516
Mary, George,
I can't thank you enough for this.
175
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:41,778
It was our pleasure.
176
00:07:42,823 --> 00:07:45,260
So, Pastor, are you gonna try
177
00:07:45,304 --> 00:07:47,393
and talk things out with Selena?
178
00:07:47,436 --> 00:07:49,569
Well, we're really
not on speaking terms,
179
00:07:49,612 --> 00:07:52,572
so I'll just be heading back to
my office, sleep on the couch.
180
00:07:52,615 --> 00:07:55,401
That's ridiculous.
He can stay with us, can't he?
181
00:07:55,444 --> 00:07:58,404
Uh, I guess that'd be okay.
182
00:07:58,447 --> 00:08:01,276
- Of course it would.
- JEFF: Oh.
183
00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:02,625
I couldn't possibly impose.
184
00:08:02,669 --> 00:08:03,757
GEORGE JR.: Sure you could.
185
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:06,455
In fact, you can take my room.
186
00:08:06,499 --> 00:08:09,632
Well, y'all are too kind.
187
00:08:09,676 --> 00:08:10,938
[DOOR OPENS]
188
00:08:10,981 --> 00:08:12,592
Hello.
Oh.
189
00:08:12,635 --> 00:08:14,115
Did y'all have a good time?
190
00:08:14,158 --> 00:08:16,030
Yes. It was great.
191
00:08:16,073 --> 00:08:18,119
Oh, Mom, Pastor Jeff is
gonna be spending the night.
192
00:08:18,162 --> 00:08:20,034
If the kids could
sleep at your place?
193
00:08:20,077 --> 00:08:21,992
No. Bye.
194
00:08:32,351 --> 00:08:33,961
[WHISPERING]: George.
195
00:08:34,004 --> 00:08:36,050
[SNORTS]
What? What's wrong?
196
00:08:36,093 --> 00:08:38,400
The pastor's up making tea.
197
00:08:38,444 --> 00:08:40,576
What, you want me to blow on it?
198
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:42,404
Go talk to him.
199
00:08:42,448 --> 00:08:43,797
About what?
200
00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:45,625
[EXHALES]
I don't know.
201
00:08:45,668 --> 00:08:47,670
Maybe you could give him
a male perspective
202
00:08:47,714 --> 00:08:48,889
on relationship issues.
203
00:08:49,933 --> 00:08:51,761
How about this?
204
00:08:51,805 --> 00:08:55,417
What if I close my eyes
and pray on it?
205
00:08:56,679 --> 00:08:57,985
Hey.
206
00:08:58,028 --> 00:09:00,770
Oh, hi.
I hope I didn't wake you.
207
00:09:00,814 --> 00:09:04,557
Uh, no, no. Just...
get-getting some water.
208
00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:06,341
[CLEARS THROAT]
209
00:09:06,385 --> 00:09:09,257
Can I fix you some chamomile?
210
00:09:10,302 --> 00:09:11,825
No, thanks.
211
00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:16,960
[SIGHS]
So...
212
00:09:20,094 --> 00:09:22,009
Tough times, huh?
213
00:09:22,052 --> 00:09:23,402
Yeah.
214
00:09:23,445 --> 00:09:25,012
Yeah.
215
00:09:37,241 --> 00:09:39,766
Hey, uh,
does the Bible say anything
216
00:09:39,809 --> 00:09:41,855
about heartache and such?
217
00:09:41,898 --> 00:09:45,467
Psalm 147, verse three:
"The Lord healeth
218
00:09:45,511 --> 00:09:48,122
the broken in heart,
and bindeth up their wounds."
219
00:09:48,165 --> 00:09:50,646
Well, there you go-eth.
220
00:09:50,690 --> 00:09:52,692
Except I'm feeling kicked
in the nethers right now,
221
00:09:52,735 --> 00:09:55,477
and he sure is taking
his sweet time with the healing.
222
00:09:55,521 --> 00:09:58,480
He takes his sweet time
about a lot of things.
223
00:09:59,873 --> 00:10:01,483
Uh, not that I'm complaining.
224
00:10:01,527 --> 00:10:04,443
You know, his will, not mine,
et cetera.
225
00:10:04,486 --> 00:10:06,488
[CLEARS THROAT]
226
00:10:11,580 --> 00:10:13,452
You know,
one thing I can say is that
227
00:10:13,495 --> 00:10:17,760
having a happy marriage is...
it's hard work.
228
00:10:17,804 --> 00:10:20,067
Oh, I know. [CHUCKLES]
As the pastor, people come to me
229
00:10:20,110 --> 00:10:22,330
with relationship problems
all the time.
230
00:10:22,374 --> 00:10:24,941
[CHUCKLES] Bet you hear
some juicy ones, huh?
231
00:10:24,985 --> 00:10:26,943
"Juicy" doesn't begin to describe it.
232
00:10:26,987 --> 00:10:29,946
- Oh... give me a sample.
- I can't.
233
00:10:29,990 --> 00:10:33,123
There's strict pastor-flock
confidentiality.
234
00:10:33,167 --> 00:10:35,038
Sure. Sure.
235
00:10:35,082 --> 00:10:37,127
Mm.
[EXHALES]
236
00:10:39,173 --> 00:10:41,610
Mary doesn't tell you
things about us, does she?
237
00:10:41,654 --> 00:10:44,483
I'm... not at liberty to say.
238
00:10:44,526 --> 00:10:46,702
But she does, doesn't she?
239
00:10:46,746 --> 00:10:49,270
Yeah.Yeah.
240
00:10:55,929 --> 00:10:59,106
These people clearly don't know
what ten percent means.
241
00:10:59,149 --> 00:11:00,760
What are you talking about?
242
00:11:00,803 --> 00:11:02,501
This is the list of all
the people who belong
243
00:11:02,544 --> 00:11:04,546
to the church and how
much money they donate.
244
00:11:04,590 --> 00:11:07,244
Dorothy and Fred Nelson
gave a dollar last week.
245
00:11:07,288 --> 00:11:09,899
So? They own the Piggly Wiggly.
246
00:11:09,943 --> 00:11:11,553
They can afford
to give much more.
247
00:11:11,597 --> 00:11:12,859
Weird.
248
00:11:12,902 --> 00:11:15,775
You say "Piggly Wiggly"
and suddenly I'm hungry.
249
00:11:18,299 --> 00:11:19,561
Really?
250
00:11:19,605 --> 00:11:21,258
You're drinking
in the morning now?
251
00:11:21,302 --> 00:11:24,000
What? Oh, look at that.
252
00:11:24,044 --> 00:11:25,741
Felt later.
253
00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:27,569
Hey, I haven't seen the pastor.
He go home?
254
00:11:27,613 --> 00:11:30,442
He hasn't come out
of Georgie's room.
255
00:11:30,485 --> 00:11:32,922
Maybe he found
Georgie's magazines.
256
00:11:32,966 --> 00:11:35,185
He's a man of God.
257
00:11:35,229 --> 00:11:37,449
You're adorable.
258
00:11:42,497 --> 00:11:44,847
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
259
00:11:44,891 --> 00:11:46,893
I have stories.
Come back here.
260
00:11:46,936 --> 00:11:49,417
It's my favorite table.
Oh, hey, Connie.
261
00:11:49,461 --> 00:11:50,636
Hi, Felicia.
262
00:11:50,679 --> 00:11:52,115
Chip me for a deuce.
263
00:11:53,247 --> 00:11:54,596
How's your daughter doing?
264
00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:55,902
Oh, surgery went great.
265
00:11:55,945 --> 00:11:56,946
Thanks for asking.
266
00:11:56,990 --> 00:11:59,079
Her daughter got
kicked by a horse.
267
00:11:59,122 --> 00:12:01,690
They had to pin a couple
of bones together. Oh, my.
268
00:12:01,734 --> 00:12:03,475
She won't be stealing
any more horses
269
00:12:03,518 --> 00:12:04,780
for a little while.
[LAUGHS]
270
00:12:04,824 --> 00:12:06,782
Your usual, Connie?
Yeah.
271
00:12:06,826 --> 00:12:08,784
John, you want something?
272
00:12:08,828 --> 00:12:10,786
I would like a Fresca, please.
273
00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:12,353
- Got it, hon.
- MAN: Connie.
274
00:12:12,396 --> 00:12:15,356
Duke-North Carolina's
about to start. Want a piece?
275
00:12:15,399 --> 00:12:17,837
Yeah, baby. Give me the
points on Duke for a nickel.
276
00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:19,621
- All right.
- [LAUGHING]: A nickel.
277
00:12:19,665 --> 00:12:21,014
That's a silly bet.
278
00:12:21,057 --> 00:12:22,537
It's 50 bucks.
279
00:12:22,581 --> 00:12:25,148
A thousand nickels.
Less silly.
280
00:12:25,192 --> 00:12:27,847
I must say, uh...
281
00:12:27,890 --> 00:12:31,024
this is a side of you I've never...
seen before.
282
00:12:31,067 --> 00:12:32,634
You're all right with it,
aren't you?
283
00:12:32,678 --> 00:12:33,896
Oh, sure.
284
00:12:33,940 --> 00:12:36,986
When are you gonna
give that man your $50?
285
00:12:37,030 --> 00:12:39,162
Don't worry about it.
Hit me.
286
00:12:39,206 --> 00:12:40,816
I'm a little worried.
287
00:12:40,860 --> 00:12:42,470
[COINS JANGLING, PEOPLE CHEER]
288
00:12:44,951 --> 00:12:46,909
Pastor Jeff?
289
00:12:46,953 --> 00:12:48,998
Everything all right in there?
290
00:12:49,042 --> 00:12:50,696
Oh, yeah.
291
00:12:50,739 --> 00:12:52,785
I've just been praying,
napping, crying.
292
00:12:52,828 --> 00:12:54,438
I like to mix it up.
293
00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:56,528
Well, how's it going?
294
00:12:56,571 --> 00:12:58,530
Good, actually.
295
00:12:58,573 --> 00:13:01,837
I have this feeling inside
that I should head home.
296
00:13:01,881 --> 00:13:06,494
Well, then you got to honor
that feeling, that's God.
297
00:13:06,538 --> 00:13:08,975
You're right. You
want to come with?
298
00:13:09,018 --> 00:13:11,020
Do you really want me there
299
00:13:11,064 --> 00:13:13,109
while you patch things up
with your wife?
300
00:13:13,153 --> 00:13:16,069
She's less likely to throw any
steak knives if we have company.
301
00:13:16,112 --> 00:13:20,943
Um... if you think
it'll help, I suppose...
302
00:13:20,987 --> 00:13:22,249
Great, let's hit it.
303
00:13:24,338 --> 00:13:25,600
Oh...
304
00:13:25,644 --> 00:13:28,081
Hello,
is this the Nelson residence?
305
00:13:28,124 --> 00:13:29,822
Oh, good.
I'm Sheldon Cooper,
306
00:13:29,865 --> 00:13:31,432
the executive
assistant secretary
307
00:13:31,475 --> 00:13:33,477
at the First Baptist
Church of Medford.
308
00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:35,436
I'm looking through
our donation records,
309
00:13:35,479 --> 00:13:37,351
and I've noticed that
you've tapered off a bit.
310
00:13:39,309 --> 00:13:42,008
Well, yes, your children's
education is expensive,
311
00:13:42,051 --> 00:13:43,618
but so is running a church.
312
00:13:43,662 --> 00:13:45,402
Oh, boy!
313
00:13:45,446 --> 00:13:48,536
I'll be sure to tell the pastor.
Goodbye.
314
00:13:50,799 --> 00:13:55,021
That earned a sip of Yoo-hoo.
315
00:13:55,064 --> 00:13:57,371
Okay. Who's next?
316
00:13:57,414 --> 00:13:59,852
Wendy and Bill Mackenzie.
317
00:13:59,895 --> 00:14:01,636
Of Mackenzie Chevrolet?
318
00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:04,378
Now those are what we call
"deep pockets."
319
00:14:04,421 --> 00:14:08,600
Pat here, double the ten,
and split the aces.
320
00:14:08,643 --> 00:14:09,862
Connie...
321
00:14:09,905 --> 00:14:12,952
I found an old-fashioned
malt shop where we can
322
00:14:12,995 --> 00:14:16,259
have milkshakes and
listen to the jukebox,
323
00:14:16,303 --> 00:14:17,826
like I never did in high school.
324
00:14:17,870 --> 00:14:20,046
Yeah, great.
Not now, John.
325
00:14:20,089 --> 00:14:22,744
Okay, well, I was just hoping
we could do something together.
326
00:14:22,788 --> 00:14:26,226
For God's sake, John.
I'm getting my ass kicked here!
327
00:14:26,269 --> 00:14:28,794
I'm sorry.
328
00:14:33,059 --> 00:14:36,584
Oh, Felicia, you're killing me.
329
00:14:36,628 --> 00:14:38,194
[SIGHS]
330
00:14:38,238 --> 00:14:40,457
Chip me another deuce.
331
00:14:41,458 --> 00:14:43,112
[DOOR OPENS]
332
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:50,467
Hello?
333
00:14:50,511 --> 00:14:51,860
Selena?
334
00:14:53,470 --> 00:14:55,690
Ooh. Big TV, fancy.
335
00:14:59,041 --> 00:15:03,045
[READING IN SPANISH]
336
00:15:05,047 --> 00:15:08,094
"Con amor, Selena."
337
00:15:08,137 --> 00:15:09,661
Which means?
338
00:15:09,704 --> 00:15:13,926
"Life is too short to be
married to a loser.
339
00:15:13,969 --> 00:15:16,058
"I'm leaving you.
340
00:15:16,102 --> 00:15:18,104
Love, Selena."
341
00:15:18,147 --> 00:15:20,236
"Love, Selena"?
342
00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:22,891
- Well, that's kind of a mixed message.
- Yeah.
343
00:15:26,750 --> 00:15:29,231
Oh, I couldn't tell you
how much to give.
344
00:15:29,274 --> 00:15:31,668
But I can tell you
the Stuckeys stepped up
345
00:15:31,711 --> 00:15:33,887
for a thousand dollars.
346
00:15:33,931 --> 00:15:37,891
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
347
00:15:37,935 --> 00:15:40,720
Well, you need to give what's
comfortable for you.
348
00:15:40,764 --> 00:15:42,592
And of course, I don't need
to remind you,
349
00:15:42,635 --> 00:15:44,637
it's entirely tax deductible.
350
00:15:48,337 --> 00:15:50,121
And at the next
pancake breakfast,
351
00:15:50,165 --> 00:15:51,949
you can hold your head high.
352
00:15:54,038 --> 00:15:56,127
Thank you. That's very generous.
353
00:15:56,171 --> 00:15:57,302
Goodbye.
354
00:15:59,870 --> 00:16:01,306
The pancake line closed it.
355
00:16:01,350 --> 00:16:03,830
We are so going to heaven.
356
00:16:03,874 --> 00:16:06,181
I don't understand why
God would tell me to go home
357
00:16:06,224 --> 00:16:08,139
just to find out
my wife left me.
358
00:16:08,183 --> 00:16:10,315
Not that he needs me
to defend him,
359
00:16:10,359 --> 00:16:13,405
but in God's defense,
he didn't say she'd be there.
360
00:16:13,449 --> 00:16:17,017
Mary, I hate to say this,
but I think it's time
361
00:16:17,061 --> 00:16:18,323
for me to move on.
362
00:16:18,367 --> 00:16:20,543
I thought even as a
teenager, I'd been called
363
00:16:20,586 --> 00:16:24,242
to preach the word of God,
but maybe that was just my ego.
364
00:16:24,286 --> 00:16:26,288
Maybe I'm not meant to do this.
365
00:16:26,331 --> 00:16:30,205
Don't say that.
You're a great preacher. Thank you.
366
00:16:30,248 --> 00:16:33,033
But it's clear. I need
to trod a new path.
367
00:16:33,077 --> 00:16:36,689
Well, what would you do?
Trodding wise.
368
00:16:36,733 --> 00:16:38,126
I don't know.
369
00:16:38,169 --> 00:16:40,954
Maybe work with my hands
amongst men, on an oil rig,
370
00:16:40,998 --> 00:16:42,304
or a fishing trawler.
371
00:16:43,783 --> 00:16:46,090
I also know how to blow glass.
372
00:16:46,134 --> 00:16:48,527
I could turn a pretty
penny at swap meets.
373
00:16:48,571 --> 00:16:53,053
Those all sound like solid options.
Mm-hmm.
374
00:16:53,097 --> 00:16:55,317
Oh, red light, red light!
375
00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:58,668
[HORN BLARING]
376
00:16:58,711 --> 00:17:00,365
[SIREN WAILING]
377
00:17:06,371 --> 00:17:09,418
Oh, phooey.
378
00:17:09,461 --> 00:17:10,767
Tell you what, Jody.
379
00:17:10,810 --> 00:17:13,509
Why don't you go upstairs
to your daddy's bedroom,
380
00:17:13,552 --> 00:17:15,250
and see how much
is in his wallet?
381
00:17:16,860 --> 00:17:19,950
Don't worry,
it's not stealing if it's for God.
382
00:17:19,993 --> 00:17:23,127
What are y'all up to?
Just helping Mom with some church work.
383
00:17:23,171 --> 00:17:25,956
Well, aren't you two great kids.
384
00:17:25,999 --> 00:17:27,827
We like to think so.
385
00:17:27,871 --> 00:17:29,307
[CHUCKLES]
386
00:17:29,351 --> 00:17:32,136
Really? That much?
387
00:17:34,182 --> 00:17:36,184
[COINS JANGLING]
388
00:17:43,669 --> 00:17:46,194
I think I need to apologize.
389
00:17:46,237 --> 00:17:49,284
I know you do.
I'm very sorry.
390
00:17:49,327 --> 00:17:50,720
Sometimes when things
aren't going my way,
391
00:17:50,763 --> 00:17:52,330
I just get a little cranky.
392
00:17:52,374 --> 00:17:55,507
May I ask you a personal question?
Sure.
393
00:17:55,551 --> 00:17:58,858
Does your gambling
constitute a problem?
394
00:17:59,903 --> 00:18:02,949
Not today.
Bam!
395
00:18:02,993 --> 00:18:04,081
[BOTH LAUGHING]
396
00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:05,822
Come on.
Let me take you out to dinner.
397
00:18:05,865 --> 00:18:06,953
[WHOOPING]
[CHUCKLING]
398
00:18:06,997 --> 00:18:10,261
Don't forget that
you promised Sheldon
399
00:18:10,305 --> 00:18:12,655
if you won,
you'd donate to the church.
400
00:18:12,698 --> 00:18:14,309
You want to see me
get cranky again?
401
00:18:14,352 --> 00:18:17,877
No, I don't.Well, let's go strap on
some bibs and eat lobster.
402
00:18:17,921 --> 00:18:19,357
Whoa!
403
00:18:19,401 --> 00:18:22,142
So you're over at First
Baptist Church, huh?
404
00:18:22,186 --> 00:18:23,274
Yes, Officer.
405
00:18:23,318 --> 00:18:24,754
I'm new in this area.
406
00:18:24,797 --> 00:18:26,234
I've been looking for a church.
407
00:18:26,277 --> 00:18:29,454
Well, you're in luck.
It's a wonderful congregation,
408
00:18:29,498 --> 00:18:32,283
and this man right here
is our beloved pastor.
409
00:18:32,327 --> 00:18:36,069
Oh. Are you his wife?
410
00:18:36,113 --> 00:18:39,247
Oh, no, I'm church secretary.
He's actually single.
411
00:18:39,290 --> 00:18:41,771
Well, technically...
He's single.
412
00:18:43,425 --> 00:18:45,253
Well,
I'll try to come by sometime.
413
00:18:45,296 --> 00:18:47,559
Tomorrow's Sunday.
He'll be speaking.
414
00:18:47,603 --> 00:18:50,258
All right.
Maybe I'll see y'all tomorrow.
415
00:18:51,998 --> 00:18:55,088
You have a nice day.
416
00:18:55,132 --> 00:18:56,829
Aren't you gonna
give me a ticket?
417
00:18:57,874 --> 00:18:59,615
Do you wanta ticket?
418
00:18:59,658 --> 00:19:02,357
He does not.
Thank you, Officer.
419
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:05,011
[CHUCKLES]
420
00:19:06,361 --> 00:19:09,102
- Pastor?
- Yeah?
421
00:19:09,146 --> 00:19:10,756
You were saying
you don't understand
422
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:13,933
why God told you to go home.
You get it now?
423
00:19:13,977 --> 00:19:15,631
Think I do.
424
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:22,008
Welcome, church.
425
00:19:22,052 --> 00:19:26,099
I pray you all had a blessed
and prosperous week.
426
00:19:26,143 --> 00:19:26,883
I'm excited to
427
00:19:26,926 --> 00:19:28,275
share with you
428
00:19:28,319 --> 00:19:31,670
what the Lord put on
my heart for today.
429
00:19:31,713 --> 00:19:33,628
I'm surprised you're here
this morning.
430
00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:36,631
Hey. I got to support my pal.
431
00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:39,069
The renewal of faith
is something that happens
432
00:19:39,112 --> 00:19:40,897
over and over.
433
00:19:40,940 --> 00:19:44,726
When you have faith...
You need to move fast, Officer.
434
00:19:44,770 --> 00:19:46,816
He's not gonna be on
the market for long.
435
00:19:46,859 --> 00:19:49,470
- Roger that.
- JEFF: For so many months,
436
00:19:49,514 --> 00:19:51,864
our little parish
has been struggling financially.
437
00:19:51,908 --> 00:19:54,301
But by the grace of God
and his provision,
438
00:19:54,345 --> 00:19:57,609
we have received the most
donations in church history!
439
00:19:59,002 --> 00:20:00,351
Praise Jesus!
440
00:20:00,394 --> 00:20:03,484
ALL: Praise Jesus!
[APPLAUSE]
441
00:20:03,528 --> 00:20:06,313
So it's all Jesus,
we don't get any credit?
442
00:20:06,357 --> 00:20:09,403
We need to start our own church.
They don't pay taxes.
443
00:20:09,447 --> 00:20:12,145
It's a very sound
business model.
444
00:20:12,189 --> 00:20:14,147
JEFF: Say amen
when you get there, huh?
31850
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