Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,267 --> 00:00:03,402
♪ ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
2
00:00:03,469 --> 00:00:06,405
♪ thank you
for bein' a friend ♪
3
00:00:06,472 --> 00:00:09,874
♪ travel down the road
and back again ♪
4
00:00:09,942 --> 00:00:11,843
♪ your heart is true ♪
5
00:00:11,911 --> 00:00:16,681
♪ you're a pal
and a confidante ♪
6
00:00:16,749 --> 00:00:20,152
♪ and if you threw
a party ♪
7
00:00:20,219 --> 00:00:24,156
♪ invited everyone
you knew ♪
8
00:00:24,223 --> 00:00:25,957
♪ you would see ♪
9
00:00:26,025 --> 00:00:28,660
♪ the biggest gift
would be from me ♪
10
00:00:28,727 --> 00:00:30,728
♪ and the card attached
would say ♪
11
00:00:30,796 --> 00:00:33,065
♪ thank you
for bein' a friend ♪
12
00:00:33,132 --> 00:00:35,100
♪ thank you
for bein' a friend ♪
13
00:00:35,168 --> 00:00:38,770
♪ thank you
for bein' a friend ♪♪
14
00:00:44,843 --> 00:00:48,780
Captioning made possible by
witt/thomas/harris productions,
cbs television network,
15
00:00:48,847 --> 00:00:51,783
And 1992 nci caption club/
grantsmanship
16
00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:04,396
Oh!
17
00:01:04,464 --> 00:01:08,233
I still cannot believe
that we got bill and milton
18
00:01:08,301 --> 00:01:11,236
To do their
live radio broadcast
from our hotel.
19
00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:13,738
It's going to give us
so much publicity.
20
00:01:13,806 --> 00:01:17,075
With business
as slow as it's been,
we need it.
21
00:01:17,143 --> 00:01:18,443
How does it look?
22
00:01:18,511 --> 00:01:20,445
Oh, it looks just fine.
23
00:01:20,513 --> 00:01:23,248
Back to the kitchen now.
24
00:01:23,316 --> 00:01:24,716
What, that's it?
25
00:01:24,783 --> 00:01:26,251
No thanks, no gratitude?
26
00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:30,255
You get me hot
and sweaty,
work me like crazy,
27
00:01:30,323 --> 00:01:31,756
Then send me away?
28
00:01:31,824 --> 00:01:35,059
I feel like one
of your dates.
29
00:01:35,128 --> 00:01:37,762
You'll want to run back
to the arco station
30
00:01:37,830 --> 00:01:39,631
And brag to your buddies.
31
00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:42,134
No, good.
32
00:01:42,201 --> 00:01:44,836
I can't wait
to see you, mom.
This is great.
33
00:01:44,903 --> 00:01:46,271
This is terrible.
34
00:01:46,339 --> 00:01:50,208
My parents are
coming and I think
dad has bad news.
35
00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:51,809
What makes you think so?
36
00:01:51,877 --> 00:01:53,278
He called me roly.
37
00:01:53,346 --> 00:01:54,479
Well, so?
38
00:01:54,547 --> 00:01:56,214
Last time
he called me roly,
39
00:01:56,282 --> 00:01:58,783
He said I'd been cut
from little league.
40
00:01:58,851 --> 00:02:00,452
How come
the coach didn't say?
41
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:03,388
He was the coach.
42
00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:05,390
What do you think
it is this time?
43
00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:06,724
Taffy's dead.
44
00:02:06,792 --> 00:02:07,725
Who's taffy?
45
00:02:07,793 --> 00:02:08,726
Our dog.
46
00:02:08,794 --> 00:02:09,761
[gasps]
47
00:02:09,828 --> 00:02:11,763
Your parents would fly here
48
00:02:11,830 --> 00:02:14,266
To tell you a dog died?
49
00:02:14,333 --> 00:02:16,635
It wasn't
just a dog, blanche.
50
00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:21,039
It was part of our
family for 14 years.
51
00:02:21,106 --> 00:02:24,609
So, what do you
think she died of?
52
00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:29,013
She was a smoker,
rose.
53
00:02:30,349 --> 00:02:31,283
Old age!
54
00:02:31,350 --> 00:02:34,252
I said
we had her 14 years.
55
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:35,453
Sarcasm, roly?
56
00:02:35,521 --> 00:02:39,824
Maybe that's why daddy
didn't want you on the team.
57
00:02:47,166 --> 00:02:48,600
O.K...There you go.
58
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:50,068
Thank you,
very much.
59
00:02:50,135 --> 00:02:52,170
Thank you,
very much.
60
00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:53,205
Hi, guys.
61
00:02:53,272 --> 00:02:54,206
Hi!
62
00:02:54,273 --> 00:02:55,207
I'm chuy.
63
00:02:55,274 --> 00:02:56,708
How are you doing?
64
00:02:56,775 --> 00:02:58,210
This is sophia.
65
00:02:58,277 --> 00:03:00,044
Hi, sophia.
How are you?
66
00:03:00,112 --> 00:03:01,513
Nice
to meet you.
67
00:03:01,581 --> 00:03:03,515
You guys are the funniest.
68
00:03:03,583 --> 00:03:06,651
I always wondered
why you're not on tv.
69
00:03:06,719 --> 00:03:10,121
Although, now I know.
70
00:03:10,189 --> 00:03:12,790
Are you going to do one
of your practical jokes
71
00:03:12,858 --> 00:03:14,292
For incredibly
stupid people?
72
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:15,660
I love that bit!
73
00:03:15,728 --> 00:03:17,795
We haven't done that
in a long time.
74
00:03:17,863 --> 00:03:20,765
The last time
we did that stunt,
75
00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:22,300
Milt had
a little mishap.
76
00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:24,802
According to bill here,
some tranquilizers
77
00:03:24,870 --> 00:03:28,106
Don't work
on some alligators.
78
00:03:29,775 --> 00:03:31,209
Here we go again.
79
00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:34,178
We pulled him off
you, didn't we?
80
00:03:34,247 --> 00:03:38,516
You tied live chickens
to my feet!
81
00:03:40,185 --> 00:03:41,753
It was funny,
wasn't it?
82
00:03:41,820 --> 00:03:43,255
I lost a toe!
83
00:03:43,322 --> 00:03:45,257
We found it!
84
00:03:45,324 --> 00:03:46,491
Well--
85
00:03:47,526 --> 00:03:50,262
It's a shame you
don't do those jokes,
86
00:03:50,329 --> 00:03:52,497
Because I know
the perfect victim.
87
00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:55,767
Really?
But the stuff we did
was so outrageous.
88
00:03:55,834 --> 00:03:58,737
We could do
the penn and teller
bit, though.
89
00:03:58,804 --> 00:04:01,273
Are you sure
this person
is stupid enough
90
00:04:01,340 --> 00:04:04,276
To fall
for one of our
practical jokes?
91
00:04:09,348 --> 00:04:10,282
Oh, no!
92
00:04:10,349 --> 00:04:11,783
No! No--
93
00:04:18,391 --> 00:04:21,092
You're going to have to
trust me on this one.
94
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:23,461
I'll show you
where to set up.
95
00:04:23,529 --> 00:04:25,297
Whoo-oo!
96
00:04:25,364 --> 00:04:27,299
Roland,
the hotel is beautiful!
97
00:04:27,366 --> 00:04:29,267
Son, I'm impressed.
98
00:04:29,335 --> 00:04:33,838
Well, I tried to create
an atmosphere of class
and dignity.
99
00:04:33,906 --> 00:04:35,373
Hold that elevator,
please!
100
00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:36,308
No! No!
101
00:04:36,375 --> 00:04:38,276
No! No!
102
00:04:38,344 --> 00:04:39,511
Oh...
103
00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:41,746
Hee.
104
00:04:45,851 --> 00:04:48,286
Shouldn't you call
the owners and tell them
105
00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:50,689
There's a crazy woman
loose in the hotel?
106
00:04:50,756 --> 00:04:52,791
Actually,
that is one of the--
107
00:04:52,858 --> 00:04:54,793
I'm going to go
make that call.
108
00:04:54,860 --> 00:04:56,795
First,
show us to our rooms.
109
00:04:56,862 --> 00:04:59,297
We want to clean up
before eating.
110
00:04:59,365 --> 00:05:00,799
How long do
we do this?
111
00:05:00,866 --> 00:05:01,866
Do what?
112
00:05:01,934 --> 00:05:03,368
Act like
nothing's wrong.
113
00:05:03,436 --> 00:05:06,371
You came
with bad news,
what is it?
114
00:05:06,439 --> 00:05:07,339
I'm sorry.
115
00:05:07,406 --> 00:05:09,874
We didn't want to say
on the phone.
116
00:05:09,942 --> 00:05:12,711
Go ahead.
I think I know.
117
00:05:12,778 --> 00:05:15,313
Roland, promise you won't
take this too hard.
118
00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:16,815
You're so easily upset.
119
00:05:16,882 --> 00:05:18,817
Stop treating me
like a child.
120
00:05:18,884 --> 00:05:20,552
I'm an adult.
Say it.
121
00:05:20,619 --> 00:05:24,422
Your mother and I
are getting a divorce.
122
00:05:25,858 --> 00:05:29,794
You and mommy are
going to do what?
123
00:05:29,862 --> 00:05:31,329
I know it's a shock.
124
00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:33,832
The marriage has been
over for years.
125
00:05:33,899 --> 00:05:35,600
It's time
to stop pretending.
126
00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:38,069
Pretending? You two
need each other.
127
00:05:38,136 --> 00:05:41,305
Roland, we've been unhappy
for at least 20 years.
128
00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:42,707
2o years?
129
00:05:42,775 --> 00:05:44,008
Yes.
130
00:05:44,076 --> 00:05:46,378
Unhappy for 20 years
of your life?
131
00:05:46,445 --> 00:05:47,379
I'm afraid so.
132
00:05:47,446 --> 00:05:50,314
So what's another 20?
133
00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:51,315
Roly--
134
00:05:51,384 --> 00:05:52,817
No, don't roly me.
135
00:05:52,885 --> 00:05:54,819
You just blurted this out.
136
00:05:54,887 --> 00:05:57,822
You didn't even prepare
me or anything, pop.
137
00:05:57,890 --> 00:05:59,391
You didn't say sit down.
138
00:05:59,458 --> 00:06:02,794
I thought you came
to tell me taffy died.
139
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:04,863
At least I was wrong
about that.
140
00:06:04,930 --> 00:06:06,931
Sit down, son.
141
00:06:09,701 --> 00:06:11,201
We're back!
142
00:06:11,269 --> 00:06:14,204
We're broadcasting live
from the golden palace hotel,
143
00:06:14,272 --> 00:06:16,106
Talking to one
of its owners.
144
00:06:16,174 --> 00:06:19,109
The witty,
vivacious,
and, might I add,
145
00:06:19,177 --> 00:06:20,410
Lovely
blanche devereaux.
146
00:06:20,479 --> 00:06:22,312
Blanche, say hello
to our listeners.
147
00:06:22,380 --> 00:06:23,614
[purring]
hello.
148
00:06:23,682 --> 00:06:25,082
Oh-ho.
149
00:06:25,149 --> 00:06:27,952
Blanche, can we ask
some personal questions?
150
00:06:28,019 --> 00:06:31,054
Not at all, bill.
151
00:06:31,122 --> 00:06:33,023
Tell us,
as a transvestite,
152
00:06:33,091 --> 00:06:36,460
Do you find that it's...
153
00:06:36,528 --> 00:06:39,129
Harder running a business
in conservative miami?
154
00:06:39,197 --> 00:06:40,631
I beg your pardon.
155
00:06:40,699 --> 00:06:42,967
I am not a transvestite.
156
00:06:43,034 --> 00:06:47,037
I'm sorry, transsexual!
I always get
you guys mixed up!
157
00:06:47,105 --> 00:06:50,073
You know, I get
them mixed up, too,
158
00:06:50,141 --> 00:06:51,475
Especially
after a few beers.
159
00:06:51,543 --> 00:06:52,943
Wait a minute. Listen.
160
00:06:53,011 --> 00:06:54,478
I am a woman,
161
00:06:54,546 --> 00:06:56,981
And I was born a woman.
162
00:06:57,048 --> 00:07:00,450
Oh, you mean
woman--trapped
in a man's body.
163
00:07:00,519 --> 00:07:01,986
Same old story.
164
00:07:02,053 --> 00:07:03,988
Tell us
about the operation.
165
00:07:04,055 --> 00:07:07,992
They say sometimes
when a man has
his leg amputated,
166
00:07:08,059 --> 00:07:10,093
He can still
feel the leg.
167
00:07:10,161 --> 00:07:14,097
Yeah, they want to
wiggle their toes,
you know? Yeah.
168
00:07:14,165 --> 00:07:15,599
Ha.
169
00:07:15,667 --> 00:07:19,169
Did you ever
want to wiggle
your toe, blanche?
170
00:07:19,237 --> 00:07:20,938
Oh! I--
171
00:07:21,006 --> 00:07:24,107
Or do you keep your
toe in a jar?
172
00:07:24,175 --> 00:07:25,308
I know mine is.
173
00:07:25,376 --> 00:07:26,276
Listen!
174
00:07:26,344 --> 00:07:28,311
My name is
blanche devereaux.
175
00:07:28,379 --> 00:07:31,281
I'm a woman.
I've always
been a woman.
176
00:07:31,349 --> 00:07:35,452
There must be
somebody out there
who's slept with me.
177
00:07:36,888 --> 00:07:38,155
Oh, rose!
178
00:07:39,624 --> 00:07:42,059
How about a nice
round of applause
179
00:07:42,126 --> 00:07:44,562
For our guest,
mr. Blanche
devereaux.
180
00:07:44,629 --> 00:07:45,563
Right here.
181
00:07:45,630 --> 00:07:47,031
Well, thank you,
thank you.
182
00:07:47,098 --> 00:07:49,567
What the hell,
attention's attention.
183
00:07:49,634 --> 00:07:52,069
Well, I see by my watch,
184
00:07:52,136 --> 00:07:54,572
It's time for a little
audience participation.
185
00:07:54,639 --> 00:07:58,042
We'll try an old
favorite called,
"have a little faith."
186
00:07:58,109 --> 00:07:59,142
I love it.
187
00:07:59,210 --> 00:08:01,712
We'll need a volunteer.
Anybody want to play?
188
00:08:01,780 --> 00:08:04,748
What are you waiting for?
Raise your hand.
189
00:08:04,816 --> 00:08:05,916
I don't think so.
190
00:08:05,984 --> 00:08:09,587
Why should I
let them make me
look like a fool?
191
00:08:09,654 --> 00:08:10,955
What do I get?
192
00:08:11,022 --> 00:08:15,826
As a prize, we'll be
giving away these
three magic beans.
193
00:08:15,894 --> 00:08:16,827
Oh! Oh!
194
00:08:16,895 --> 00:08:18,829
Oh, we have a volunteer!
195
00:08:18,897 --> 00:08:20,598
Come over here,
sweet thing.
196
00:08:20,665 --> 00:08:22,066
Tell us your name.
197
00:08:22,133 --> 00:08:23,067
Rose--rose nylund.
198
00:08:23,134 --> 00:08:25,603
Hi, rose-rose nylund.
How are you?
199
00:08:25,670 --> 00:08:27,037
That's catchy.
200
00:08:27,105 --> 00:08:30,608
To win these beans,
you have to answer
three trivia questions.
201
00:08:30,675 --> 00:08:32,743
How are you
on farm trivia?
202
00:08:32,811 --> 00:08:34,778
I'm great
on farm trivia!
203
00:08:34,846 --> 00:08:37,047
I used to live
on a farm.
204
00:08:37,115 --> 00:08:39,049
Isn't
that a coincidence?
205
00:08:39,117 --> 00:08:41,819
Absolutely!
- Absolutely!
206
00:08:41,886 --> 00:08:43,721
Boy,
this will be easy.
207
00:08:43,788 --> 00:08:46,724
And I have faith
that you can do it!
208
00:08:46,791 --> 00:08:47,691
Don't you?
209
00:08:47,759 --> 00:08:50,560
I'd be willing
to bet my life on it.
210
00:08:50,629 --> 00:08:52,062
I'll take that bet.
211
00:08:52,130 --> 00:08:53,063
O.K., boys!
212
00:08:53,131 --> 00:08:54,898
[fanfare plays]
213
00:08:54,966 --> 00:08:56,533
Ooh!
- Ooh!
214
00:08:56,601 --> 00:08:57,768
Yes, sir!
215
00:08:57,836 --> 00:09:02,072
Radio listeners
at home, we have
a tank of water.
216
00:09:02,140 --> 00:09:04,041
Now, milt,
217
00:09:04,109 --> 00:09:09,079
I double dare you
to stay submerged
in this tank of water
218
00:09:09,147 --> 00:09:12,315
Until rose successfully
answers all three
farm trivia questions.
219
00:09:12,383 --> 00:09:16,586
Whew! Boy! I don't
think I could pass up
an opportunity like that.
220
00:09:16,655 --> 00:09:17,587
Wait! Wait!
221
00:09:17,656 --> 00:09:19,056
How will
he breathe?
222
00:09:19,124 --> 00:09:21,025
He can't.
That's the point.
223
00:09:21,092 --> 00:09:25,095
We have faith in you
to get him out in time.
224
00:09:25,163 --> 00:09:26,396
What's more
important than faith?
225
00:09:26,464 --> 00:09:29,466
Air! Air's
more important!
226
00:09:29,534 --> 00:09:32,602
The lady may be right
on that air theory--
227
00:09:32,671 --> 00:09:34,604
Aw, get in there.
228
00:09:34,673 --> 00:09:38,108
O.K., he's in there,
nicely sealed up.
229
00:09:38,176 --> 00:09:41,111
O.K., now let's get
to question number one.
230
00:09:41,179 --> 00:09:43,580
Before we get
to question
number one, rose,
231
00:09:43,648 --> 00:09:46,616
Tell us about yourself.
Where are you from?
232
00:09:46,685 --> 00:09:47,617
St. Olaf!
233
00:09:47,686 --> 00:09:49,119
What does it matter?
234
00:09:49,187 --> 00:09:51,288
Just ask the questions.
235
00:09:51,355 --> 00:09:53,123
All right,
question number one.
236
00:09:53,191 --> 00:09:55,092
What's
a baby goose called?
237
00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:56,126
Uh, gosling!
238
00:09:56,194 --> 00:09:58,195
Gosling.
That's very good.
239
00:09:58,262 --> 00:10:00,197
Question number two.
Pay attention.
240
00:10:00,264 --> 00:10:02,432
Name a machine
that you--
241
00:10:02,500 --> 00:10:03,433
Tractor.
242
00:10:03,501 --> 00:10:04,434
No, no.
243
00:10:04,502 --> 00:10:05,936
Wait till I finish.
244
00:10:06,004 --> 00:10:08,105
It's not fair unless
you let me finish.
245
00:10:08,173 --> 00:10:12,142
Name a machine
you find on a farm.
246
00:10:12,210 --> 00:10:13,110
A tractor?
247
00:10:13,178 --> 00:10:14,111
Yes!
248
00:10:14,179 --> 00:10:17,147
You're doing so well
on your first time!
249
00:10:17,215 --> 00:10:19,149
Before we get to
question three,
250
00:10:19,217 --> 00:10:21,151
Let's have a small
commercial break.
251
00:10:21,219 --> 00:10:22,485
Oh, no!
252
00:10:22,553 --> 00:10:24,487
No, ask
the third question!
253
00:10:24,555 --> 00:10:25,989
O.K.,
the third question.
254
00:10:26,057 --> 00:10:27,557
Question
number three...
255
00:10:31,830 --> 00:10:34,732
Name 50 things that
a farmer plants.
256
00:10:34,799 --> 00:10:36,133
50! You want 50!
257
00:10:36,201 --> 00:10:39,103
There's a thousand.
You can rip them
off like that!
258
00:10:39,170 --> 00:10:40,270
Let's go.
259
00:10:40,338 --> 00:10:43,107
Wheat, barley, rice,
cotton, corn...
260
00:10:43,174 --> 00:10:44,608
How many is that?
261
00:10:44,675 --> 00:10:46,610
Let's see, you said,
wheat, barley...
262
00:10:46,677 --> 00:10:47,611
Oh, never mind!
263
00:10:47,678 --> 00:10:48,612
Peas!
264
00:10:48,679 --> 00:10:50,547
Lettuce,
cauliflower, corn--
265
00:10:50,615 --> 00:10:51,548
Nope!
266
00:10:51,616 --> 00:10:52,616
You already
said corn.
267
00:10:52,683 --> 00:10:53,617
Did not!
268
00:10:53,684 --> 00:10:55,085
Did, too!
Didn't she?
269
00:10:55,153 --> 00:10:56,086
Yay!
270
00:10:56,154 --> 00:10:57,621
What does it matter?
271
00:10:57,688 --> 00:10:59,589
Get him out!
He's going to drown!
272
00:10:59,657 --> 00:11:03,627
We can't change
the rules unless I check
with my partner.
273
00:11:03,694 --> 00:11:05,129
Just a minute. Sweetie!
274
00:11:05,196 --> 00:11:06,630
Honey, you want out?
275
00:11:06,697 --> 00:11:10,367
He loves it in there.
He's like a fish.
276
00:11:10,434 --> 00:11:11,902
Go on, come on!
277
00:11:11,970 --> 00:11:13,170
Oh, my god!
278
00:11:13,238 --> 00:11:14,171
Parsnips! Turnips!
279
00:11:14,239 --> 00:11:15,172
Uh, yams!
280
00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:16,173
Sugar beets.
281
00:11:16,241 --> 00:11:17,174
Watercress.
282
00:11:17,242 --> 00:11:18,175
Hominy.
283
00:11:18,243 --> 00:11:19,643
Marijuana.
284
00:11:19,710 --> 00:11:23,380
Oh...Oh, my god!
285
00:11:23,447 --> 00:11:26,917
It may be illegal,
but it's a cash crop.
286
00:11:26,985 --> 00:11:27,918
No, milton!
287
00:11:27,986 --> 00:11:30,187
Oh! Somebody call
an ambulance! Quick!
288
00:11:30,255 --> 00:11:32,622
I'm a doctor.
Maybe
I can help.
289
00:11:32,690 --> 00:11:34,291
Oh!
Please, anything!
290
00:11:36,194 --> 00:11:37,360
This man is dead.
291
00:11:37,428 --> 00:11:38,328
Ahh!
292
00:11:38,396 --> 00:11:42,132
I have very strong
hunch he drowned.
293
00:11:43,034 --> 00:11:44,101
Oh, no!
294
00:11:44,169 --> 00:11:46,303
Oh, no!
295
00:11:46,370 --> 00:11:48,471
Goodbye, funny face.
296
00:11:48,539 --> 00:11:50,974
You killed
my partner!
297
00:11:51,042 --> 00:11:53,977
Milton is dead!
Did you hear that,
miami?
298
00:11:54,045 --> 00:11:55,979
Rose nylund killed
my partner.
299
00:11:56,047 --> 00:11:57,447
[crying]
300
00:11:57,515 --> 00:12:01,285
And now listen
to rick james
singing superfreak.
301
00:12:03,021 --> 00:12:05,989
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry!
302
00:12:06,057 --> 00:12:08,458
I didn't mean
to kill him.
303
00:12:08,526 --> 00:12:10,493
I-I'm a bad girl!
304
00:12:10,561 --> 00:12:14,298
I'm a bad,
stupid girl!
305
00:12:17,068 --> 00:12:20,003
Sophia, this prank
on rose has gone too far.
306
00:12:20,071 --> 00:12:21,471
Don't be a baby.
307
00:12:21,539 --> 00:12:24,007
This is horrible.
How can you do this?
308
00:12:24,075 --> 00:12:26,509
Rose is the sweetest
woman in the world.
309
00:12:26,577 --> 00:12:30,013
While you're laughing,
she's probably crying
her eyes out.
310
00:12:30,081 --> 00:12:31,514
I see what
you're saying.
311
00:12:31,582 --> 00:12:34,451
I should be in there,
watching that.
312
00:12:42,125 --> 00:12:44,794
Sophia, I know why
you did this to rose--
313
00:12:44,861 --> 00:12:46,796
Because
you're jealous of her--
314
00:12:46,863 --> 00:12:48,798
Because
you're a mean, old woman.
315
00:12:48,865 --> 00:12:50,132
Ooh, gee.
316
00:12:50,199 --> 00:12:54,870
When did they start
teaching psychology
at hamburger u.?
317
00:12:54,938 --> 00:12:58,240
Sophia, I'm serious.
You've got to
tell her the truth.
318
00:12:58,308 --> 00:12:59,809
It's her own fault.
319
00:12:59,876 --> 00:13:02,411
Even a chimpanzee would
know it was a joke.
320
00:13:02,479 --> 00:13:06,816
We all agree the chimp
has a leg up on rose.
321
00:13:06,883 --> 00:13:09,017
That's not what
we're talking about.
322
00:13:09,085 --> 00:13:10,519
Oh, hi, rose.
323
00:13:10,587 --> 00:13:12,020
What have you got?
324
00:13:12,088 --> 00:13:14,824
A moth I found
in my room.
325
00:13:14,891 --> 00:13:17,827
I want to be sure it
gets outside safely.
326
00:13:17,894 --> 00:13:20,663
From now on, I'm dedicated
to preserving life.
327
00:13:20,730 --> 00:13:22,164
Fly, little moth.
328
00:13:22,231 --> 00:13:25,167
Be free and live!
329
00:13:26,336 --> 00:13:27,536
[zap]
330
00:13:40,884 --> 00:13:45,721
Did I mention
we got a great deal
on a bug zapper?
331
00:13:45,789 --> 00:13:47,389
[crying]
excuse me!
332
00:13:49,726 --> 00:13:52,060
Well, she's 2 for 2.
333
00:13:53,329 --> 00:13:57,199
All right, that's it.
Either you tell her,
or I will.
334
00:13:57,266 --> 00:13:59,702
O.K., I thought
this practical joke
335
00:13:59,769 --> 00:14:02,137
Would make me laugh,
but it hasn't.
336
00:14:02,205 --> 00:14:04,306
It's affected me ways
I didn't think possible.
337
00:14:04,374 --> 00:14:05,307
You're ashamed.
338
00:14:05,375 --> 00:14:08,644
No,
it excited me sexually.
339
00:14:08,712 --> 00:14:10,813
Sophia!
340
00:14:10,881 --> 00:14:13,549
I'm as shocked
as you are.
341
00:14:13,617 --> 00:14:17,052
Roland, I think I could
really help your parents.
342
00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:21,156
My husband, george,
and I spent some time
in marriage counseling.
343
00:14:21,224 --> 00:14:24,192
I learned how to be
detached and objective.
344
00:14:24,260 --> 00:14:26,094
You're too emotionally
involved to help.
345
00:14:26,162 --> 00:14:27,663
You know what I think?
346
00:14:27,731 --> 00:14:29,698
I don't care
what you think.
347
00:14:29,766 --> 00:14:32,067
If my parents
don't realize they
belong together,
348
00:14:32,135 --> 00:14:33,201
Then I'll show them.
349
00:14:33,269 --> 00:14:34,870
I don't need
your help.
350
00:14:34,938 --> 00:14:35,871
Well, oh...
351
00:14:35,939 --> 00:14:38,106
Until I find a place
of my own,
352
00:14:38,174 --> 00:14:39,775
I'll move
in with roland.
353
00:14:39,843 --> 00:14:41,844
Blanche,
I need your help!
354
00:14:41,912 --> 00:14:45,848
Hey, guys, blanche wants
to talk to you a second.
355
00:14:45,916 --> 00:14:49,351
I want you to realize
I have considerable
experience
356
00:14:49,419 --> 00:14:50,753
In mediating
problems like yours.
357
00:14:50,820 --> 00:14:54,557
That's kind of you,
but this is
a personal matter.
358
00:14:54,624 --> 00:14:56,559
Personal matters
are my specialty.
359
00:14:56,626 --> 00:14:57,626
Now, louise...
360
00:14:57,694 --> 00:14:59,628
What was
your first indication
361
00:14:59,696 --> 00:15:02,464
There might be a problem
in the marriage?
362
00:15:02,532 --> 00:15:04,733
If you must know,
it began
in the bedroom.
363
00:15:04,801 --> 00:15:05,834
Ho-hold!
364
00:15:05,902 --> 00:15:09,304
I don't want
to hear them
talk about this.
365
00:15:09,372 --> 00:15:11,774
Fine,
go in the other room.
366
00:15:11,841 --> 00:15:13,308
Now, what was it, honey?
367
00:15:13,376 --> 00:15:14,810
Too little, too much?
368
00:15:14,878 --> 00:15:16,411
I'm not afraid of details.
369
00:15:16,479 --> 00:15:18,914
Maybe if you'd been
more passionate,
370
00:15:18,982 --> 00:15:21,750
I wouldn't have had
guys over to watch sports.
371
00:15:21,818 --> 00:15:25,020
How could
I be passionate
in a room of men?
372
00:15:25,088 --> 00:15:25,988
Actually--
373
00:15:26,056 --> 00:15:27,022
Blanche!
374
00:15:27,090 --> 00:15:28,090
What?
375
00:15:28,157 --> 00:15:29,592
Look,
this is crazy.
376
00:15:29,659 --> 00:15:31,060
This isn't
going to work.
377
00:15:31,127 --> 00:15:33,062
Give this a chance.
378
00:15:33,129 --> 00:15:36,565
They need
a third party who's
not personally involved.
379
00:15:36,633 --> 00:15:37,600
George, louise,
380
00:15:37,667 --> 00:15:40,603
A marriage doesn't
break up over one issue.
381
00:15:40,670 --> 00:15:42,605
There must have been
other conflicts.
382
00:15:42,672 --> 00:15:45,941
Of course, louise lost
our life savings gambling.
383
00:15:46,009 --> 00:15:50,045
Nobody told me.
I didn't know you
knew how to gamble.
384
00:15:50,113 --> 00:15:52,581
Well, apparently,
she doesn't.
385
00:15:54,484 --> 00:15:58,220
You know,
my husband and I
used to play the horses.
386
00:15:58,287 --> 00:16:01,090
I wouldn't gamble
if you stayed home
weekends.
387
00:16:01,157 --> 00:16:04,259
To listen to you nag
I don't make enough?
388
00:16:04,327 --> 00:16:08,097
We loved all those little
riding crops and saddles...
389
00:16:08,164 --> 00:16:11,399
Better a nag than
a man who cries.
390
00:16:11,467 --> 00:16:13,902
Even men have
a change of life.
391
00:16:13,970 --> 00:16:17,673
Of course,
we actually never
made it to the track.
392
00:16:19,208 --> 00:16:21,576
He was a lusty man.
393
00:16:21,645 --> 00:16:24,579
Lusty, zesty man.
394
00:16:24,648 --> 00:16:29,084
Lusty, zesty cowboy
who liked to ride
all night!
395
00:16:29,152 --> 00:16:30,585
Blanche!
396
00:16:30,654 --> 00:16:33,088
Will you stop talking
about yourself?
397
00:16:33,156 --> 00:16:36,091
My parents
have problems,
very serious problems.
398
00:16:36,159 --> 00:16:39,161
That's what
we've been trying
to tell you.
399
00:16:39,228 --> 00:16:42,164
This hasn't been easy
for us, either, son.
400
00:16:42,231 --> 00:16:44,933
It's time we got on
with our lives,
401
00:16:45,001 --> 00:16:46,501
And you, too.
402
00:16:47,671 --> 00:16:50,605
Well, I guess it's
time I accepted this.
403
00:16:50,674 --> 00:16:52,607
I'm not going
to like it,
404
00:16:52,676 --> 00:16:56,111
But if a divorce is
what you guys want,
405
00:16:56,179 --> 00:16:58,613
Then I'm not going to
stand in your way.
406
00:16:58,682 --> 00:17:00,082
Thank you, baby.
407
00:17:00,150 --> 00:17:01,116
You're welcome.
408
00:17:01,184 --> 00:17:03,719
Not you.
409
00:17:03,787 --> 00:17:05,320
Go on, sophia.
410
00:17:05,388 --> 00:17:07,856
Go on, tell her
right now.
411
00:17:07,924 --> 00:17:10,859
Rose, I have something
to tell you,
412
00:17:10,927 --> 00:17:12,527
And it's difficult
for me.
413
00:17:12,595 --> 00:17:14,396
Oh, no,
more bad news?
414
00:17:14,463 --> 00:17:15,898
Don't tell me--
415
00:17:15,965 --> 00:17:19,902
The magic beans
weren't
really magic?
416
00:17:19,969 --> 00:17:23,305
Come on,
she's so easy.
417
00:17:23,372 --> 00:17:25,007
Tell her now,
old woman.
418
00:17:25,075 --> 00:17:27,042
All right, all right.
419
00:17:27,110 --> 00:17:30,545
There's something
I haven't been totally
honest with you about.
420
00:17:30,613 --> 00:17:34,583
[gurgling]
wose! Oh, wose!
421
00:17:40,123 --> 00:17:41,957
What was that?
422
00:17:42,992 --> 00:17:44,059
Aaaahh!
423
00:17:44,127 --> 00:17:45,060
It's him!
424
00:17:45,128 --> 00:17:46,061
It's milton!
425
00:17:46,129 --> 00:17:48,063
Why are you doing this?
426
00:17:48,131 --> 00:17:49,865
Why are you
tormenting me?
427
00:17:49,933 --> 00:17:53,168
In life, you were
my murderer!
428
00:17:54,637 --> 00:17:56,571
In death...
429
00:17:56,639 --> 00:17:58,040
I'm yours.
430
00:17:58,108 --> 00:18:01,610
Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
431
00:18:01,677 --> 00:18:03,511
Ha ha ha, stop it!
432
00:18:03,579 --> 00:18:04,713
Now you're killing me!
433
00:18:04,781 --> 00:18:07,750
Wait a minute.
I got a big finish.
434
00:18:07,817 --> 00:18:09,251
Come on, wose!
435
00:18:09,318 --> 00:18:12,020
It's time to come
with me, wose!
436
00:18:14,090 --> 00:18:15,257
[gunshots]
437
00:18:31,875 --> 00:18:33,041
Oh, no.
438
00:18:33,109 --> 00:18:35,878
Rose,
what have you done?
439
00:18:35,945 --> 00:18:37,512
It's over.
440
00:18:37,580 --> 00:18:41,950
I sent him back to hell,
where he belongs.
441
00:18:42,952 --> 00:18:45,120
You killed him,
you really killed him?
442
00:18:45,188 --> 00:18:47,022
Yes.
443
00:18:47,090 --> 00:18:48,924
Why?
444
00:18:48,992 --> 00:18:51,059
Sweet mary,
this is horrible.
445
00:18:51,127 --> 00:18:52,527
I've got to hide.
446
00:18:52,595 --> 00:18:53,796
What's wrong?
447
00:18:53,863 --> 00:18:54,797
What's wrong!
448
00:18:54,864 --> 00:18:56,464
You killed a man!
449
00:18:56,532 --> 00:18:57,966
I killed a ghost.
450
00:18:58,034 --> 00:19:00,468
You killed a man,
you idiot.
451
00:19:00,536 --> 00:19:02,171
I don't understand.
452
00:19:02,238 --> 00:19:03,672
It was a joke.
453
00:19:03,739 --> 00:19:06,074
I pulled a joke on you.
454
00:19:06,142 --> 00:19:08,143
Milton's not dead.
It was a joke.
455
00:19:08,211 --> 00:19:10,078
Sophia!
456
00:19:10,146 --> 00:19:13,581
You took the words
right out of my mouth.
457
00:19:13,649 --> 00:19:14,883
Ha ha!
458
00:19:20,656 --> 00:19:23,591
And so
ends another
practical joke
459
00:19:23,659 --> 00:19:27,029
On an incredibly
stupid person.
460
00:19:31,667 --> 00:19:33,735
Did you have
a good time?
461
00:19:33,803 --> 00:19:35,838
Oh, I sure did!
462
00:19:35,905 --> 00:19:37,605
How about you, sir?
463
00:19:37,673 --> 00:19:40,075
I am a woman, damn it.
464
00:19:40,143 --> 00:19:41,109
Prove it.
465
00:19:41,177 --> 00:19:43,611
How about starting off
with dinner?
466
00:19:43,679 --> 00:19:45,714
Fine,
I'm right behind you.
467
00:19:45,781 --> 00:19:50,152
I can't believe
how this transvestite
bit works every time.
468
00:19:51,321 --> 00:19:53,121
I can't believe
how this dinner
469
00:19:53,189 --> 00:19:56,725
And I'll prove it to you
bit works every time.
470
00:19:57,827 --> 00:19:59,127
I don't believe this.
471
00:19:59,195 --> 00:20:00,428
Rose, you knew?
472
00:20:00,496 --> 00:20:02,530
The whole time.
We all did.
473
00:20:02,598 --> 00:20:06,534
When you went to
milton and bill,
they came to me.
474
00:20:06,602 --> 00:20:09,571
They felt anybody
as vindictive as you
475
00:20:09,638 --> 00:20:11,006
Deserved
a practical joke.
476
00:20:12,108 --> 00:20:16,111
So, who's the incredibly
stupid one, now?
477
00:20:16,179 --> 00:20:17,612
You had this planned,
478
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:20,949
Even down to the moth
and the bug zapper?
479
00:20:21,017 --> 00:20:25,053
No, that was
an unfortunate accident.
480
00:20:25,121 --> 00:20:26,554
I hope you're satisfied.
481
00:20:26,622 --> 00:20:30,425
This was a terrible thing
to do an old lady.
482
00:20:31,460 --> 00:20:32,895
It's not funny.
483
00:20:32,962 --> 00:20:34,897
You really had me scared.
484
00:20:34,964 --> 00:20:36,365
You really had--
485
00:20:36,432 --> 00:20:37,732
Ahh!
486
00:20:39,435 --> 00:20:41,436
Ahhhhh!
487
00:20:54,683 --> 00:20:58,586
Well, they didn't
buy the heart attack,
488
00:20:58,654 --> 00:21:01,556
But the joke's on them.
489
00:21:01,624 --> 00:21:04,126
I think I broke my hip.
490
00:21:09,465 --> 00:21:12,567
Captioning performed by
the national captioning
institute, inc.
33287
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
