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1
00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:15,360
Really?
2
00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:18,360
When there's nothing wrong
with your arm?
3
00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:19,800
Where did you get it from,
anyway?
4
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,640
You can buy them online.
5
00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:23,360
- And who signed it?
- Kids.
6
00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:24,840
There are loads
of signatures on there.
7
00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:26,360
Yeah, they were at it for ages.
8
00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:28,320
They were making up names,
trying out different autographs.
9
00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:30,120
It turned into quite
an educational exercise.
10
00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:31,320
Oh, you're a marvelous father.
11
00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:34,320
They'll be able
to forge anything now.
12
00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:36,160
So, if you bought it online,
13
00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:38,320
it clearly wasn't
a spur-of-the-moment decision.
14
00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:39,640
Next-day delivery.
15
00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:41,360
So you thought about it
yesterday?
16
00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:44,960
Yeah. The day
before yesterday, anyway.
17
00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:46,640
So two days ago
you were worrying
18
00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:48,080
what to say to Kenyon
about your arm?
19
00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:50,400
We told her that I'd broken it.
I haven't broken it.
20
00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:52,040
She'll be relieved to hear it.
21
00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:54,160
- But we cancelled the session.
- Tell her it was badly bruised.
22
00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:56,080
- It is badly bruised.
- Show her the bruising.
23
00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:57,440
- It's internal.
- Oh, my God.
24
00:00:57,560 --> 00:00:59,280
Kenyon will feel like
the bloody prime minister.
25
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:01,920
There's a plan and a goal but
she's firefighting all the time.
26
00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:03,480
You run away.
You fall over.
27
00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:05,800
You pretend your arm is broken
when it isn't.
28
00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:09,360
We never get anywhere near
the actual marital problems.
29
00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:11,280
You do know
that I'm gonna walk in there
30
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,720
and tell her that the cast
is fake, don't you?
31
00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:16,560
- What?
- Well, why wouldn't I?
32
00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:18,720
- You'd grass me up?
- You haven't been arrested.
33
00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:21,800
It's a marital therapy session.
34
00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:24,360
We go in and we tell the truth.
Otherwise, what's the point?
35
00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:26,760
Well, we don't have to tell her
the truth about everything.
36
00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:29,160
I mean, if I had an STD,
37
00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:30,680
would you want
to talk about that?
38
00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:33,160
Very much so, yeah, seeing
as I haven't given it to you.
39
00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:34,680
- Yet.
- Charming.
40
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:36,480
To be fair, I'm not the one
who slept with someone else.
41
00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:38,640
If I had given you an STD,
42
00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:40,840
then yes, absolutely,
we should be talking about it.
43
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:44,040
- It would be a big deal.
- OK, STD is a bad example.
44
00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:47,880
But what if I'd hurt my penis
in some way?
45
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:49,440
Would we go in
and talk about that?
46
00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:50,560
If you wanted to talk about it.
47
00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:51,880
- I wouldn't.
- OK.
48
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,040
What if you hadn't hurt
your penis
49
00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:56,360
but went in to see Kenyon,
pretending that you had?
50
00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:57,520
Why would I do that?
51
00:01:57,640 --> 00:01:59,160
Why would you put
a fake cast on your arm?
52
00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:00,760
I didn't tell her
that I'd broken my penis.
53
00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:02,040
You can't break your penis.
54
00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:03,960
I'm perfectly
well aware of that.
55
00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:06,680
I told her
that I had broken my arm.
56
00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:11,160
- This is a big moment for us.
- Explain.
57
00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:13,040
You need to choose.
58
00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:14,560
Are you with me,
are you with her?
59
00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:17,720
- I'm not gonna play that game.
- It's not a game.
60
00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:20,600
Are we a couple, two against
the world, or aren't we?
61
00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:21,760
Two against the world?
62
00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:23,840
That's what marriage is to me.
63
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:26,280
You've just made that up
because of the cast.
64
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:28,560
Where do the kids fit in?
65
00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:30,400
I'm against them,
most of the time.
66
00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:31,760
Well, I'm not.
67
00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:34,880
OK, fine. Then, the four of us
against the world.
68
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,360
- That's family, not marriage.
- You know what I'm saying.
69
00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:38,760
I don't think
I've ever thought
70
00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:40,480
it was the two of us
against the world.
71
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,680
Ha.
72
00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:46,680
OK, well,
now we're getting somewhere.
73
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,280
What has the world
ever done to us?
74
00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:49,600
We're hardly Romeo and Juliet.
75
00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:52,120
Oh, go on.
You're in a hole. Keep digging.
76
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,360
How is it a hole to say
we're not Romeo and Juliet?
77
00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:56,600
- Well, it's not very romantic.
- So, in your fantasy,
78
00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:57,960
we're two love-struck teenagers
79
00:02:58,080 --> 00:02:59,720
whose families don't want us
to be together?
80
00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:02,160
Obviously we're not teenagers
but there's the age gap.
81
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:06,000
- Four years.
- And the arts/sciences divide,
82
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:10,120
sort of a modern
Montague/Capulet kind of thing.
83
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:13,160
I mean, it's subtle
but it's there.
84
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:16,520
A very faint whiff of,
"Oh, how does this work?
85
00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:19,160
"Her a doctor,
him a music critic."
86
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:20,520
First of all, no it isn't there
87
00:03:20,640 --> 00:03:23,280
and secondly, you need
more than faint whiffs.
88
00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:26,000
The Montagues and Capulets
stabbed each other.
89
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:28,880
They weren't...whiffing faintly.
90
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,200
Granted there was no stabbing
but there was family pressure.
91
00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:33,680
My mother didn't want me
to marry you.
92
00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:35,800
- She warned me off.
- She warned me off.
93
00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:37,640
She told me that I was
way too good for you,
94
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,680
that you were bloody hopeless
and I would end up leaving you.
95
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,400
- What did she say to you?
- Exactly the same.
96
00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:44,720
- That you were too good for me?
- Ha.
97
00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:46,640
Have you met my mother?
Of course not.
98
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,920
But that's not the point.
The point is,
99
00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:51,960
I said, "To hell with her,"
and I married you anyway.
100
00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:56,040
- Us against the world.
- Us against your mother.
101
00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:59,840
The rest of the world responded
with pleasure or indifference.
102
00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:01,600
Would you...
103
00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:04,840
Would... would you honestly say
that you're on my team?
104
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,720
Of course I'm on your team.
105
00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:10,440
I support you for a start.
That's what you do with teams.
106
00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:14,520
That was a low blow.
107
00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:17,760
Saying you support someone
is a low blow?
108
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:20,600
I want you to do well.
I worry about you. I...
109
00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:23,760
Well, I...love you.
110
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:26,440
"Well"?
What's the "well" doing there?
111
00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:28,040
What function does it serve?
112
00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:30,200
It was just, I...
I hesitated.
113
00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:31,560
Why?
114
00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:34,120
People hesitate.
Hesitation is a thing.
115
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,080
When you don't know
what to order at a restaurant,
116
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:37,520
not telling someone
you love them.
117
00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:39,880
Love is a bigger deal
than ordering a pizza, surely?
118
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:43,160
If you're 16 maybe,
not when you're married.
119
00:04:43,280 --> 00:04:45,000
You know why you hesitate
when you're 16?
120
00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:48,000
You're scared you're gonna
look a fool, not because you...
121
00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:49,520
- Well...
- More welling.
122
00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:51,040
Well this, well that.
123
00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:52,920
"Well" is fast becoming
a very dangerous word.
124
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:54,880
It's not because
you have doubts.
125
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,720
- You have doubts?
- Don't you?
126
00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:01,280
- No.
- That is a lie.
127
00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:04,160
How can you not have doubts?
You don't want to sleep with me.
128
00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:05,400
We spend half the time arguing.
129
00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:07,000
You seem happier
with other people.
130
00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:11,040
I suppose my... my "well"
was meant to indicate,
131
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:12,520
you know,
132
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,320
underneath it all...
133
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:17,600
Underneath it all, I...
134
00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:19,720
I love you.
135
00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:21,400
Underneath it all?
136
00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:22,880
- Yeah.
- Great.
137
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:26,720
Well, I think you should
be happy with that. I mean...
138
00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:30,160
To be honest, you're lucky
there's anything still there.
139
00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:36,360
Well, let me ask you this.
140
00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:39,560
How would you feel
if I left you for someone else?
141
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:41,640
- Well...
- Fucking hell.
142
00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:44,200
God, you really don't like
considered conversation, do you?
143
00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:46,160
I notice you didn't ask
if I had met someone.
144
00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:50,520
- Have you met someone?
- Well
145
00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:52,160
Oh, very funny.
146
00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:54,560
- Aren't I allowed to consider?
- Either you have or you haven't
147
00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:58,120
- and I don't think you have.
- There are lots of grey areas.
148
00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:01,280
- Such as?
- Online dating.
149
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:04,000
You know you actually have
to go out to do online dating?
150
00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:05,640
No, you don't.
151
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:09,200
Do you?
I thought you did it online.
152
00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:11,720
Well, you talk to someone online
and then you meet them.
153
00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:13,040
Oh.
154
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:15,040
And you haven't been anywhere
that I know of.
155
00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,160
You don't know
what I do during the day.
156
00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:19,520
Well...
157
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:22,560
no, but if you had gone out
to meet someone during the day
158
00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:24,120
that wouldn't be
a grey area, would it?
159
00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:27,000
You would have met someone.
160
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,080
Would you like to meet someone?
161
00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:30,360
Not really, no.
162
00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:34,160
Where would that leave us,
as a matter of interest?
163
00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:35,760
Are you asking
about an open marriage?
164
00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:37,440
God, no!
165
00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:39,840
- Is that what you want?
- No, it's not what I want.
166
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:42,680
If you met someone, you would
be moving out of this marriage
167
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:45,160
and into a new relationship.
168
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:47,400
Well...
169
00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:50,760
How about you?
170
00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:52,600
Well, I suppose
that's the fantasy, isn't it?
171
00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:54,920
- Is it?
- Yeah. I mean, you know it is.
172
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,720
You know, the fantasy is...
173
00:06:56,840 --> 00:06:58,560
When you've been married
for a few years
174
00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:00,360
and everything's gone off a bit,
175
00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:03,960
the fantasy is you come home
and your partner says
176
00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:05,760
he's met someone else
and is moving out.
177
00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:07,840
I don't suppose
that's everyone's fantasy.
178
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:09,680
Oh, it is, believe me.
179
00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:13,000
Is it yours?
180
00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:16,080
- Well...
- Oh, that'll do.
181
00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:21,400
- Can I leave my cast on?
- Oh, what the hell.
182
00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:23,120
Thank you.
183
00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:25,840
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, we're late.
184
00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:28,840
Oh, hello.
185
00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:31,400
- Hello, you two.
- Oh, my God. Hi.
186
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:33,160
- How are you?
- Oh, hello.
187
00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:36,160
- Hi. Good.
- What happened there?
188
00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:40,560
Oh, yeah, bloody...snowboards.
189
00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,080
Where have you
been snowboarding?
190
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:45,000
Well, just, you know,
all over, really.
191
00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:47,440
- We haven't seen you in ages.
- Stay for a drink.
192
00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:49,120
- We can't.
- Another time.
193
00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:50,920
Wait, you're not going
to the cinema, are you?
194
00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:52,960
- Yes.
- Well, then, we're all right.
195
00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:55,280
We've got 20 minutes.
That's for the trailers.
196
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:58,320
It's useful to know.
That's good, yeah.
197
00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:01,440
- We're not going to the cinema.
- No, we're not.
198
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:02,800
- Oh.
- Oh.
199
00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:04,960
- We do have an appointment.
- Sure.
200
00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:06,360
Oh, we'd love
to see you sometime.
201
00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:08,400
Maybe you could come round
for supper?
202
00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:11,200
Or we could meet you
halfway for dinner?
203
00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:13,480
- Yeah.
- Yeah, lots to catch up on.
204
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:15,840
- I can see you're in a rush.
- We must seem very rude.
205
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:19,240
- There is a good reason for it.
- It's marital therapy.
206
00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:22,640
And you know how therapists are
if you're late.
207
00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:24,320
Oh, no.
208
00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:26,080
Afraid so.
209
00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:29,760
Spot of infidelity.
210
00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:32,680
Not me.
211
00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:36,520
Anyway, we best be off.
212
00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:39,400
- Yeah. Sure.
- Yeah.
213
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,800
- Bye.
- Bye.
214
00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:44,600
- What the fuck?
- I'm sorry. I panicked.
215
00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:46,440
I didn't know how
to break off the conversation.
216
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,000
I cannot believe
you just did that.
217
00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:49,640
No, me neither.
218
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:52,520
Throw that stupid thing away.
16680
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