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1
00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:12,720
Pint of London Pride and
a pack of dry roasted, please.
2
00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:24,800
How's it going?
3
00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:28,360
What, me?
4
00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:30,280
Sorry, it was more like a nod.
5
00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:32,360
A nod?
6
00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:33,520
You know, how you...
7
00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:35,120
nod at people
8
00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:37,040
when you're in the same place
at the same time.
9
00:00:37,160 --> 00:00:38,600
It's like that.
10
00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:41,080
How's it going?
11
00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:50,000
That's £4, please.
12
00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:53,520
Ooh.
13
00:00:57,480 --> 00:01:00,320
Sneaking a quick one in
before the missus turns up.
14
00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:02,800
Oh, brave lad.
15
00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:32,520
- Glass of dry white, please.
- Oh, shit, sorry. I forgot.
16
00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:34,080
I got a bit flustered
at the bar.
17
00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,520
Have you seen
who's sitting up there?
18
00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:39,680
- Oh, the battered husband.
- He's walked out.
19
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:40,840
Blimey.
20
00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:44,640
- But I can't buy you a drink.
- Why not?
21
00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:47,080
Well, I tried to talk to him.
22
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:49,320
It didn't go very well.
I'm not going back up there.
23
00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:50,760
What did you talk about?
24
00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:52,960
No, I wasn't starting
a conversation. I just nodded.
25
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:54,440
Why?
26
00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:57,400
Uh, I feel like I know him,
you know?
27
00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:00,040
It's an intimate thing,
watching someone cry.
28
00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:02,040
And get smacked in the face
by your wife.
29
00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:03,080
I nearly brought that up.
30
00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:04,280
Why on earth
would you do that?
31
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:06,000
Oh, because...
32
00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:10,360
Well, he sort of suggested
that I wasn't being very manly.
33
00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:12,200
You gave him an unmanly nod?
34
00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:14,200
Oh, that's the first conclusion
you jump to.
35
00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:15,480
Not that he's unreasonable.
36
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,440
Not that he's being
a macho prick.
37
00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:18,880
Oh, no, it has to be
my unmanly nod.
38
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:20,960
What else could it have been
if all you did was nod?
39
00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:22,040
Well...
40
00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:23,640
I...
41
00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:26,400
I tried a...pleasantry.
42
00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:28,480
- A nod with words.
- An unmanly pleasantry, then.
43
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:30,040
What was it?
44
00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:32,320
I don't know. Just, like...
45
00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:36,200
"Ooh, a lovely pint at last."
46
00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:38,480
- That seems quite manly.
- That's what I thought.
47
00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,160
Unless it was the "ooh".
48
00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:43,360
The "ooh" sounds
a bit, you know, effete.
49
00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:44,960
No.
50
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:50,840
It wasn't, "ooh",
it was, like, "ohh".
51
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,960
- Well, no, that's all right.
- That's what I thought.
52
00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:55,480
But he's the cry-baby.
53
00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,320
Cry-baby?
54
00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:00,160
That's a bit harsh.
You cried last week.
55
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:01,400
I cried about Brexit,
56
00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:03,000
not the terrible state
of our relationship.
57
00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:06,320
Well, you didn't cry
about Brexit per se.
58
00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:08,200
You cried about the fact
that I voted for Brexit,
59
00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:10,840
so in a way you did cry about
the state of our relationship.
60
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:13,600
The main reason I cried is
because I work in the NHS
61
00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:15,720
and half of my staff
is European.
62
00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:17,000
Remember what Kenyon said.
63
00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:18,320
We're not allowed
to talk about it
64
00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:19,680
until we see her today.
65
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,240
I also cried because
you weren't honest about it.
66
00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:22,680
It's a private matter.
67
00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:25,480
Privacy and lying are different.
68
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:28,600
Anyway...
69
00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:29,920
remember that Kenyon said
70
00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:31,240
we're not allowed
to talk about it
71
00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:32,840
unless she's in the room.
72
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,880
And I still think
we're better off than those two.
73
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:39,480
You can't be comparative
about relationships like that.
74
00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:43,000
You can't look at a couple
you don't even know and say,
75
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:44,920
"Oh, at least
we're not like them."
76
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,200
I do.
77
00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:48,880
Your own happiness
doesn't come into it?
78
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,520
Nope, entirely dependent
on other people being unhappier.
79
00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:53,680
You are absolutely not someone
80
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,200
who jumps out of bed
in the morning,
81
00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:58,960
full of the joys
of not living in Syria.
82
00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:00,520
You're miserable as hell.
83
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:04,120
You've never once thought
you were better off than anyone.
84
00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:05,560
Look, she's out.
85
00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:09,400
Oh, she's crying.
86
00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:14,240
She's coming in here.
This is gonna be good.
87
00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:15,800
Don't stare.
88
00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:27,680
- Let me get you that wine.
- No, sit down.
89
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:36,600
Yeah, that's what I was saying.
90
00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:59,200
Well, there goes Syria.
91
00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:01,040
Can you imagine, at their age.
92
00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:02,680
At their age?
They're younger than us.
93
00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:05,240
- Really?
- Yes. Well, they look it.
94
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,240
Well, he does.
95
00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:09,560
- Than you.
- Thanks.
96
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,800
Anyway, still old enough
to know better.
97
00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:16,640
There's still time
if you want that drink.
98
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:18,520
Hold on.
Old enough to know better?
99
00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:20,200
Can you explain?
They're kissing.
100
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,120
In public.
101
00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:24,240
They're feeling passionate
about each other.
102
00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:26,000
If they're that passionate
about each other,
103
00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:27,760
what are they doing
in counseling?
104
00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:34,800
- What?
- Do you understand
105
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:36,640
what you just said?
106
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:38,920
I do now.
107
00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:40,400
It's not good, is it?
108
00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:42,840
I can see why you'd say that.
109
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:45,240
Are you suggesting
there's no passion left?
110
00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:47,080
No, no.
111
00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,760
I don't think of passion as...
112
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,560
like petrol,
113
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:53,560
something you run out of.
114
00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:56,200
I think of it
as something you lose,
115
00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:58,440
like...keys,
116
00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:00,320
or a biro.
117
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:02,040
Keys get found, biros don't,
118
00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:04,320
so it's important
for me to know which it is.
119
00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:06,280
Keys or a biro?
120
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:10,000
Come on, keys or a biro?
121
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,080
We seem to be in a position
where if I say the word "biro"
122
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,040
our marriage takes
an ominous turn for the worse.
123
00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:15,240
So don't say "biro".
124
00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:18,320
Keys, I hope, of course.
125
00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:20,400
I'm...working on the basis
that it's keys.
126
00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:22,000
Either way it's lost.
127
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,200
- Mislaid.
- Unless it's a biro.
128
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:28,160
Well, if it was keys
you'd look harder, wouldn't you?
129
00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:29,760
That's why they get found.
130
00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:31,360
Biros get left
all over the place.
131
00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:33,320
You might have left one
under Matthew's bed.
132
00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:34,920
- Was that necessary?
- I'm just...
133
00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:37,720
I'm saying, if you had left
a ballpoint under Matthew's bed
134
00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:39,520
you wouldn't necessarily
go looking for it.
135
00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:41,520
Enough.
No more biros.
136
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:49,080
Oh, look. They've gone off
for make-up sex.
137
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,880
- Won't solve their problems.
- Maybe not.
138
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,880
But they're gonna have
a better evening than us.
139
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:55,960
We might make a breakthrough
with Kenyon.
140
00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:57,240
Well, it would have to be a row.
141
00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:59,960
We'd have a row in there,
make-up sex at home.
142
00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:05,120
We used to have good rows.
And good make-up sex.
143
00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:07,400
Proper stand-up
shouting matches.
144
00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:13,640
- Brexit was a row.
- Yeah, but we haven't made up.
145
00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:16,400
- Could we have post-Brexit sex?
- No.
146
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:19,400
I voted in, you voted out
and I hate you for it.
147
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,360
We could come
to an understanding.
148
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:23,440
Oh, yes, let's come
to an understanding,
149
00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:25,320
shake hands
and then fuck each other stupid.
150
00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:26,480
But that's the thing, though.
151
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,120
We were jogging along
quite amicably
152
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:30,440
until you slept with someone.
153
00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:31,680
I'm gonna ignore
that last bit.
154
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:32,680
Why?
155
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:34,760
It was a bit brazen,
wasn't it?
156
00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:36,600
Really? A lot of men
would like to hear
157
00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:39,200
their wives use the phrase
"fuck each other stupid".
158
00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:41,200
It suggests there's still
some life left somewhere.
159
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:42,560
But not you.
160
00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:45,440
"Jogging along amicably."
"Come to an agreement."
161
00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:47,000
I mean who...
162
00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:50,800
Who are you? What's the point
of being married
163
00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:56,080
if there's no sex, no feeling,
no passion, no nothing?
164
00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:58,080
You could have worn a T-shirt
saying "I voted out"
165
00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:00,760
long before anyone
ever thought of a referendum.
166
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:04,080
Europe, you're out.
Sex, you're out.
167
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:06,400
Work, you're out.
Marriage, life, friends.
168
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:08,480
Out, out, out, out, out.
169
00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:15,760
We should go. We're late.
170
00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,120
- That's it?
- Yes.
171
00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:21,040
That's a pretty good summary
of where I'm at.
172
00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:23,800
I mean, the work thing
wasn't by choice, but...
173
00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:32,800
Do you know what's wrong?
We've aged differently.
174
00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:34,760
I think that 40 is like 30
175
00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:36,600
except you have
to go to the gym more.
176
00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:39,080
You think that 44 is like 65
177
00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,240
except your children
are younger.
178
00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:42,960
It's not over.
179
00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:44,840
Nothing is over.
180
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:47,040
- Come on, where's your fight?
- Ow.
181
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:48,920
- What do I need to fight for?
- Well...
182
00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:51,880
"Do not go gentle
into that good night."
183
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:53,360
It's not even night,
for Christ's sake.
184
00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:55,000
It's bloody mid-afternoon.
185
00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:58,680
Fight for your life.
Fight for your marriage.
186
00:08:58,800 --> 00:08:59,800
Fight for work.
187
00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:01,120
Fight to be
this fucking miserable.
188
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:02,400
- Come on, fight!
- Argh!
189
00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:03,680
Shit.
190
00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:07,680
You all right?
191
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:14,400
I think I might have
broken my wrist. Oh!
13833
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