All language subtitles for State of the Union - 01x06 - Nigel and Naomi.SUND.WEB-DL.x264-ROYALTiES.English.HI.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,000 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:44,181 --> 00:00:45,840 - Hi. - Hello. 3 00:00:46,590 --> 00:00:47,591 How's your day been? 4 00:00:48,515 --> 00:00:50,403 Oh, you know. 5 00:00:50,917 --> 00:00:52,435 No. Tell me. 6 00:00:54,401 --> 00:00:55,401 What? 7 00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:57,840 Nothing. I'm just waiting for an answer to my question. 8 00:00:58,385 --> 00:00:59,769 What, there's nothing weird about me? 9 00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,837 No. You look nice. 10 00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:05,094 Oh, I see, okay. Right. 11 00:01:06,633 --> 00:01:09,678 - Please stop now. - Stop saying you look nice? 12 00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:11,245 All of it, the... the... 13 00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:16,598 The smiling, the looking at me, the get-up. 14 00:01:16,776 --> 00:01:20,221 It's not a get-up. I'm hardly wearing fancy dress. 15 00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:21,683 The effect is somewhat similar. 16 00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:24,178 - I'm trying. - I see that. 17 00:01:24,775 --> 00:01:28,411 - Try in a different way. - Okay, give me some tips. 18 00:01:28,525 --> 00:01:30,772 For example, the text message you sent me this morning. 19 00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:33,139 - Ah, more things like that? - No, nothing like that. 20 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:35,080 - What was wrong with it? - It was creepy. 21 00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:37,636 "Looking forward to seeing you later." That one? 22 00:01:37,697 --> 00:01:39,097 - Yes. - That was creepy? 23 00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:40,474 - Yes. - Jesus. 24 00:01:40,646 --> 00:01:42,477 - It sounds like you're trying. - I am trying. 25 00:01:42,502 --> 00:01:43,515 Well, don't. 26 00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:45,667 I'd try if you were someone new. 27 00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:48,597 Of course, but I'm not, am I? Were you looking forward to seeing me? 28 00:01:48,855 --> 00:01:50,835 - Oh, yes. - That is a lie. 29 00:01:51,204 --> 00:01:52,974 No. You weren't looking forward to seeing me, then? 30 00:01:52,998 --> 00:01:54,160 I saw you yesterday. 31 00:01:54,361 --> 00:01:56,763 But that was just, you know, parenting. 32 00:01:56,991 --> 00:01:58,459 We didn't have a chance to chat. 33 00:01:58,767 --> 00:02:00,466 - Have a catch-up? - If you want. 34 00:02:01,134 --> 00:02:02,935 It's not really starting again, though, is it? 35 00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:05,687 Catch up with people you've known for a long time. 36 00:02:05,851 --> 00:02:08,829 I mean, if we stay living apart, that's what we'll be doing. 37 00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:11,264 We'll be saying, "Hi. How you been? 38 00:02:11,531 --> 00:02:12,875 "Kids are doing well, aren't they? 39 00:02:12,899 --> 00:02:14,744 "Got any good graduation photos? 40 00:02:14,997 --> 00:02:16,904 - "Nice to meet you, Naomi." - Who's Naomi? 41 00:02:16,953 --> 00:02:19,581 Or Jenny or Jackie or whatever, your new partner. 42 00:02:19,917 --> 00:02:21,458 And that doesn't make you feel a bit sick? 43 00:02:21,482 --> 00:02:22,617 No, not really. I mean, 44 00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:24,744 if we do split, I'd like us all to get along. 45 00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:27,663 "Us all" includes your new partner, I presume? 46 00:02:28,114 --> 00:02:31,159 Your Colin or Roger or Nigel? 47 00:02:31,184 --> 00:02:33,728 - Oh, thanks. - Just examples of names. 48 00:02:33,753 --> 00:02:35,216 Really crap names. 49 00:02:35,288 --> 00:02:36,939 I'm sure they're very nice people. 50 00:02:37,123 --> 00:02:39,585 You wouldn't turn your nose up at Colin Firth 51 00:02:39,759 --> 00:02:44,464 or Roger Federer or Nigel... Kennedy. 52 00:02:45,020 --> 00:02:48,496 - Nigel Kennedy? - Nigel de Jong. 53 00:02:48,701 --> 00:02:50,726 - Who's that? - It's a Dutch footballer. 54 00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:52,715 Shoulda got sent off in the World Cup final. 55 00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:54,899 He studded a Spanish player in the chest right up here. 56 00:02:55,544 --> 00:02:57,869 - It was a terrible challenge. - You're not selling him to me. 57 00:02:57,893 --> 00:02:59,333 I'm sure he's not like that at home. 58 00:03:01,501 --> 00:03:03,205 Anyway, you weren't thinking about those people. 59 00:03:03,229 --> 00:03:05,593 You were thinking about home counties bank managers. 60 00:03:05,618 --> 00:03:07,150 Nothing wrong with bank managers. 61 00:03:07,412 --> 00:03:10,590 We could use one in the family. My solvency issues. 62 00:03:10,828 --> 00:03:11,828 Shouldn't be too sniffy. 63 00:03:11,853 --> 00:03:13,312 Can we not talk about my next partner? 64 00:03:13,336 --> 00:03:14,336 Okay. 65 00:03:14,961 --> 00:03:16,170 Let's talk about mine. 66 00:03:16,963 --> 00:03:19,051 What does Naomi do, as a matter of interest? 67 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:23,296 Naomi? Mm... No, not getting anything. 68 00:03:23,788 --> 00:03:25,708 Well, give me another one, then. How about Jenny? 69 00:03:25,860 --> 00:03:27,161 Talk to me about lovely Jenny. 70 00:03:27,331 --> 00:03:29,560 Jenny. Jenny's just opened her own coffee shop. 71 00:03:30,398 --> 00:03:31,787 You went in there to work every day. 72 00:03:31,811 --> 00:03:33,894 You got to know her and the rest is history. 73 00:03:34,155 --> 00:03:35,424 Well, history in the future, anyway. 74 00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:37,559 Speculative history, a new literary genre. 75 00:03:37,584 --> 00:03:39,694 Oh, and she loves kids but she missed her moment 76 00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:41,663 because she spent too long with a bloke 77 00:03:41,688 --> 00:03:44,656 who couldn't make up his mind and now it's too late. 78 00:03:44,824 --> 00:03:47,118 - Oh, why is it too late? - Because she's too old. 79 00:03:47,143 --> 00:03:48,667 No. No. 80 00:03:49,362 --> 00:03:51,306 No, you're not palming me off with old Jenny. 81 00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:53,848 - You're in your fifth decade. - Yeah, but Jenny's not. 82 00:03:54,634 --> 00:03:56,202 Jenny's sprightly and young. 83 00:03:56,503 --> 00:03:58,629 Lots of older men end up with younger women. 84 00:03:59,070 --> 00:04:02,317 There's Ronnie Wood and Rupert Murdoch, Nelson Mandela. 85 00:04:02,532 --> 00:04:03,719 What have they got that you haven't? 86 00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:04,954 What have I got that they haven't? 87 00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:06,298 I'm much younger than those lads. 88 00:04:06,372 --> 00:04:08,090 I think you might be drifting into unwise territory. 89 00:04:08,114 --> 00:04:09,114 You're probably right. 90 00:04:09,215 --> 00:04:11,092 Anyway, if you had kids, of course... 91 00:04:11,117 --> 00:04:12,895 Well, I mean, not that that would be very good, 92 00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,696 but, anyway, if you did have children again, 93 00:04:14,721 --> 00:04:16,599 you'd be good for a game of football in the backyard 94 00:04:16,623 --> 00:04:17,932 but as for the other stuff... 95 00:04:17,957 --> 00:04:21,710 I would be better at technology stuff than Rupert Murdoch, 96 00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:24,433 who I doubt knows how to do Spotify. 97 00:04:24,464 --> 00:04:25,498 He'd have staff. 98 00:04:25,798 --> 00:04:27,662 But he wouldn't be able to use them in a contest. 99 00:04:27,686 --> 00:04:28,686 Fair enough. 100 00:04:28,728 --> 00:04:31,146 Also, I would kill Rupert Murdoch at tennis 101 00:04:31,571 --> 00:04:32,989 because I've got a height advantage 102 00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:34,749 as well as the age advantage. 103 00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:36,951 You should challenge him, settle this once and for all. 104 00:04:36,976 --> 00:04:39,821 I think if you explained to him that you needed to beat him 105 00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:42,056 to show that you're entitled to a younger second wife. 106 00:04:42,081 --> 00:04:43,081 he would oblige. 107 00:04:43,256 --> 00:04:45,322 And then, to really stick the knife in, 108 00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:47,903 I'll ask him if he knows who Stormzy is. 109 00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:49,316 Oh, he'd know all about Stormzy. 110 00:04:49,341 --> 00:04:51,299 - How? - Younger wife, kids, 111 00:04:51,324 --> 00:04:53,701 several TV channels, a few tabloid newspapers. 112 00:04:53,726 --> 00:04:55,970 Again, he wouldn't be allowed to consult with them 113 00:04:55,995 --> 00:04:57,628 under the rules I've just drawn up. 114 00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:02,331 Perhaps we're drifting from the matter at hand. 115 00:05:02,700 --> 00:05:04,345 Seems to me that the further we drift, 116 00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:06,067 - the happier we get. - That's weird, isn't it? 117 00:05:06,091 --> 00:05:07,098 Not really. 118 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:10,552 Discussing a malfunctioning marriage is depressing and time-consuming, 119 00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:13,354 and imagining a future with Jenny from the tea shop 120 00:05:13,379 --> 00:05:17,345 and Nigel from the bank is quite liberating. 121 00:05:17,617 --> 00:05:18,937 Yeah, but you can always do that, 122 00:05:19,452 --> 00:05:20,688 you can always just... 123 00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:24,145 you know, imagine easier lives than the one you're in. 124 00:05:26,292 --> 00:05:28,831 Is it as much fun living on your own as you thought it would be? 125 00:05:30,563 --> 00:05:32,998 - I never thought it would be. - That's a lie. 126 00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:35,543 Every adult with children and a spouse 127 00:05:35,568 --> 00:05:37,540 imagines an empty flat with no clutter, 128 00:05:37,770 --> 00:05:39,994 a white rug without Coke stains all over it, 129 00:05:40,019 --> 00:05:42,121 a big double bed to oneself, 130 00:05:42,475 --> 00:05:45,086 remote control without Sellotape wrapped round it, 131 00:05:45,775 --> 00:05:47,188 drawers that aren't full of crap. 132 00:05:47,213 --> 00:05:48,493 We can have a go at the drawers. 133 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:49,680 I just... 134 00:05:50,516 --> 00:05:53,661 Quiet. I'd just like to live somewhere quiet 135 00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:56,898 with nobody playing hip hop from the bathroom 136 00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:59,234 or screaming at an Xbox. 137 00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:01,358 I don't do that so much now I'm better at Call of Duty. 138 00:06:01,382 --> 00:06:04,105 Nobody complaining about the quality of the Wi-Fi 139 00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:06,411 as if I've somehow authorized a cheap version. 140 00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:10,136 - No cat puke to clean up. - Oh, aye aye. 141 00:06:11,738 --> 00:06:13,604 TOM: A new couple. Well, newish. 142 00:06:14,607 --> 00:06:15,908 LOUISE: God, why bother? 143 00:06:16,242 --> 00:06:18,362 I mean, if we're still having troubles at their age... 144 00:06:19,612 --> 00:06:21,439 Well, we won't be. I'll be long gone. 145 00:06:21,914 --> 00:06:23,850 I don't know. Maybe that's the time to do it. 146 00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:26,918 - Why? - Dying alone and all that. 147 00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:28,813 - Stakes are high. - Do you think about that? 148 00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:32,166 I'm living in a squat with Media Study students. 149 00:06:32,191 --> 00:06:33,615 Course I think about dying alone. 150 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:34,983 You never told me it was a squat. 151 00:06:35,008 --> 00:06:36,772 Can we talk about that another time? This is important. 152 00:06:36,796 --> 00:06:39,299 You must see people all the time who are gonna die alone. 153 00:06:39,486 --> 00:06:40,976 No, they're gonna die in hospital, most of them, 154 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,710 surrounded by lovely Polish nurses. 155 00:06:42,854 --> 00:06:44,346 - You're not gonna have that. - Why not? 156 00:06:44,370 --> 00:06:46,450 Because you voted to chuck all the Polish nurses out. 157 00:06:47,273 --> 00:06:49,620 Anyway, why is it all about you dying alone? 158 00:06:49,967 --> 00:06:50,985 What about little old me? 159 00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:52,402 You don't seem that bothered about it. 160 00:06:52,426 --> 00:06:55,690 Anyway, it's not the dying part, it's the year or two before. 161 00:06:55,978 --> 00:06:58,400 - Here's to a heart attack. - Car accident. 162 00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:04,063 Did you ever have a baby pact with anyone? 163 00:07:04,957 --> 00:07:06,434 - I'm not sure. - I did. 164 00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:08,836 I had one with Neil, when we were both single. 165 00:07:08,861 --> 00:07:09,864 We had this idea that... 166 00:07:10,897 --> 00:07:13,866 if we were both still single by the time we were 35 167 00:07:14,030 --> 00:07:15,465 he was going to impregnate me. 168 00:07:16,071 --> 00:07:17,809 - The normal way? - Yes, the normal way. 169 00:07:17,837 --> 00:07:20,313 - Your Parker friend from college? - Yes, Neil Parker. 170 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,875 You were gonna have sex with Neil Parker? 171 00:07:24,378 --> 00:07:26,400 Yes, to get pregnant. 172 00:07:26,928 --> 00:07:27,968 Well, there's another one. 173 00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:30,717 No, that's the whole point. It's a last resort. 174 00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:33,087 Neil bloody Parker. 175 00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,423 Forget the sex part. It... 176 00:07:38,324 --> 00:07:41,094 The point is that you and I could make a death pact 177 00:07:41,327 --> 00:07:42,597 instead of a baby pact. 178 00:07:44,597 --> 00:07:46,141 If it looks like we're going to die alone, 179 00:07:46,165 --> 00:07:47,709 we move back in together 180 00:07:47,734 --> 00:07:50,111 or we move into the same retirement home or something. 181 00:07:50,199 --> 00:07:51,199 Great. 182 00:07:51,771 --> 00:07:53,961 Something positive to take into this week's session, 183 00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:55,818 a death pact. 184 00:07:55,869 --> 00:08:00,399 I think it's positive. I think it shows a certain good will. 185 00:08:00,588 --> 00:08:01,890 I mean, it's not what I was hoping for 186 00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:03,914 when I bought a new shirt and got myself a haircut. 187 00:08:05,017 --> 00:08:06,222 What were you hoping for? 188 00:08:09,382 --> 00:08:11,104 Oh, God, how are new starts possible 189 00:08:13,459 --> 00:08:15,893 when you've been together a long time and you have kids 190 00:08:16,462 --> 00:08:18,873 and you spend years being irritated by the other person 191 00:08:18,898 --> 00:08:21,200 but if they stop irritating you, they're not them anymore? 192 00:08:21,453 --> 00:08:24,022 My text earlier, it was me not being me. 193 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,839 - Exactly. - So I need to stay as me. 194 00:08:27,005 --> 00:08:28,005 Yep. 195 00:08:28,030 --> 00:08:31,093 While also, at the same time, being quite different. 196 00:08:32,378 --> 00:08:33,498 It's a conundrum. 197 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:42,081 - TOM: Can I ask you something? - LOUISE: Of course. 198 00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:46,469 TOM: Jenny's coffee shop, is it doing okay, do you think? 199 00:08:46,926 --> 00:08:49,937 LOUISE: Early days, but promising signs. 200 00:08:49,962 --> 00:08:52,140 A lot of mums from the local primary school 201 00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:55,122 are starting to use it and they're spreading the word. 202 00:08:55,155 --> 00:08:56,187 TOM: Ah. 203 00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:59,047 But I'll probably need to find somewhere else to work. 204 00:08:59,071 --> 00:09:00,174 LOUISE: Yeah, maybe. 205 00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:04,844 TOM: Nigel doesn't have to be a bank manager, you know. 206 00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:06,059 LOUISE: Thank you. 207 00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:09,647 God, that's the most generous thing you've ever said to me. 208 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:17,000 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 16388

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